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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Jordan Gillespie
February 18, 2015 at 2:17 am
My partner and i have just broke up literally for no reason and no indication this was coming. We got back last week after 7 months of not talking and he was the one that came to me and i decided to give him that second chance! Last week we spent the most amazing week together, spoiled me rotten, said how he has learnt his lesson, wants to be with me and take things slow which i agreed. Went out last weekend too was all amazing even the Monday he left and then that evening after his work i knew something was up and he didnt speak to me or his family for two days. We eventually got him and he told me to delete his number for no reason and i had said what i had to say to him but he didnt reply! So yesterday i asked if we could talk and he said lets just leave it this job im starting is big and i dont neeed any distractions sorry! Now that there is bullshit! We discussed this job as its only half an hour in the car away from me and it would be more weekends away for us and good to take things slow! Nothings adds up at all. I know him well enough to know he wouldnt come back say all the things he has! Do all he has done to just do this! Telling me hes happy as a pig in shit etc! I dont know if he is upset about something he feels he cant tell me just now or he just doesnt know what to say and reply just now! so i was just going to leave it now and not contact him but like I really wanna know if he will realise and come to his senses?
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:48 pm
Not unless you make him come to his senses with influence.
Melanie
February 18, 2015 at 12:16 am
Me and my ex broke up in October and we dated for a little over two months. I’m still in love with him. But he’s with this new girl he asked out on Valentine’s day. and he told me that if he already didn’t have a thing with her he’d consider dating me again. What does that mean?
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:39 pm
Good ole Valentines Day…
Are they serious?
What do you know?
Emma
February 17, 2015 at 1:12 pm
I just got my ex back! Don’t know to be happy or not though, since he is the same douchebag as always. I didn’t do the no contact thing, I just started being more nice to him. He picked my up on Valentines day at 6 am in the morning, stayed at his place for 3 days.
Though, seeing him again kind of makes me realize why I dumped him, I guess that sometimes it’s better to just leave your ex alone and get on with your life. I did dump him cause he never wanted to cuddle, kiss or talk, I thought he would change if I dumped him, but nah..
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:15 pm
I am sorry he hasn’t changed.
Glad you got your ex back but its unfortunate he hasn’t changed.
Emma
February 19, 2015 at 5:27 pm
Yeah, we talked it over and actually he said that maybe we should take another break. Though he did tell me one thing, the cutest thing he’s ever said to me. (Actually it’s not that cute but since he’s never romantic). He said “I like you so much, you’ve been so sweet to me, no one has ever been so sweet to me”. I know he’s had it rough in life, and that he doesn’t have a lot of real friends. Maybe he’s depressed or something, I’ve had another boyfriend who was that, and couldnt take in or give love either. He was just rude and only wanted to stay inside. So they’re the same..
He still contacts me though, he must be lonely. Feel sorry for him.
Sad
February 17, 2015 at 10:49 am
Hi Chris
My boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me 4 days before valentines day. As of yesterday he has blocked me off facebook and deleted some of my close friends.
We have had a pretty rough time recently with bickering and arguing. I have been doing no contact since last wednesday after I text him saying I loved him, he replied saying he loved me too but he just knows it won’t work.
Some of my family thinks he may have cheated on me (due to numerous reasons, snapchatting other girl, finding a hotel invoice I didn’t know about which he said he stayed in with his friends yet the invoice said (mr & mrs surname) which he strongly denied)
I love him so much and would do anything to have him back. It’s so hard not contacting him but i’m nearly at 1 week.
Do you think he’ll ever get back in contact with me? We seemed pretty fine the day before we split until I text him about finding this invoice. I miss him immensley and just want him back in my life. I can’t concentrate in work or anything. He said he feels like we are 2 different people and I don’t like the person he is anymore.
He had booked a valentines meal for us and planned a day out and we were saving up to go on an immense holiday. I just don’t understand and it’s killing me. I’m trying to carry on as normal but it’s so hard.
Day 6 of no contact, I know it’s early days but I don’t think he will ever be back in contact. Please give me a boost 🙁
Thanks
Sad Amy
February 19, 2015 at 9:07 am
Please 🙁
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:17 pm
Please what?
Am I missing something here?
Jessica
February 16, 2015 at 10:48 pm
Hello 🙂 so my ex and I stopped talking last month, out of nowhere. After about 2 weeks, I started telling myself to get over him that he’s probably interested in someone else though he’s the type of person who would be open about it and tell me the truth. So he decides to text me the day before Valentine’s day (a month after we stopped talking). I feel like up until that moment, I’ve made it too easy for him. Everytime he wanted us to see each other, I stopped what I was doing for him. So we talked for a bit but I was so mad that he tried to just come back and talk to me as if we had never stopped talking, that I started playing hard to get by not replying. But I fear he won’t try to text me again and I want him to because I miss him. What should I do?
admin
February 17, 2015 at 12:35 pm
I think he will!
In fact, he might be more intrigued by you now.
Angie
February 16, 2015 at 1:44 am
My boyfriend broke up with me four days ago the night before we were supposed to go to a hotel on the river walk to spend valentines weekend. He bought me a dress to wear and a designer wallet. He broke up with me after work ( we work together). His excuse was because we fight too much. I begged for him back the morning after but he said he just needs a break. After that I didn’t text him at all. He has texted me the past couple of nights asking how I am and telling me about his new car and telling me he had a dream about me. I’ve been short with him but I really want him back. Do you think he will get back together with me? Will no contact work? Should I just ignore him at work and when he texts me?
Aubrey
February 15, 2015 at 11:32 am
Hey Chris.
I could really use some help with this one,
As a little bit of backstory: Yesterday morning I looked on my boyfriend’s Facebook and read some messages between him and a buddy of his and he said something extremely offensive about me and about how much tail they were going to chase when they move away (?), so I got all hot lookin (It was Valentine’s Day as I’m sure you know) and went over to his house and got my things, pretty flustered but not ungraciously, I told him that it was over and I didn’t want him to contact me or try to see me again. Well that kind of backfired when I had to go back to his house because he had lost his phone the night before and the person who had found it called me, being the last person who called him. Now this resulted in him calling me asking if I had his wallet, and both of us were pretty pissed but when I got home I took a nap and when I woke up there were a dozen roses, chocolate, and a letter that kind of explained some things a little bit, but not really, so we texted and called back and forth, I did some yelling, some tearing up, but overall I wasnt cruel or crazy or anything like that, he told me he had all these feelings for me and saying those things to his buddy was a way of testing me to see if I was reading his Facebook (which I have once before) and I got angry and I hung up. Well he called me 4 or 5 times until I told him I didn’t want to talk on the phone anymore and once again hung up. Then I texted him that I was sorry for invading his privacy and sorry that our relationship didnt work out and that I wasn’t going to be walked on or disrespected, no matter how much I wished I could make it work. He waited a few hours and then responded with “please don’t leave, I was wrong”.
Now we’ve had a few ups and downs, but overall we’ve been really happy together, I just never felt like I was getting the appreciation I deserved. Now I’m wondering, is it too soon to take him back? And If I do, will things be different? I want to make him sweat a littIe, and I want to be the ungettable girl, but he’s already “begging” for me back so I just don’t know if I want to push my luck. For example, If I went more than a few days without talking to him now, he’s bound to think that I just don’t give a damn about him, and knowing him he’s going to respond in a negative way. I guess what I’m asking is; is there a way to make him want me more, without ultimately pushing him away?
Update: He just texted me again as I was reading this, apologizing and asking me not to leave him! Gahhhh what do I do?!”
Thanks for taking the time to read this, even if you don’t reply, it helped getting everything written out. Still kind of stuck in a corner and would appreciate any advice you could give me, asap!
Cindi
February 14, 2015 at 10:05 am
Me and my ex boyfriend dated for two years. We lived together and had a really great relationship with maybe only 3 arguments total. About 8 months ago, things got tough. We list our communication and he broke up with me. I moved out and left. 3 months later I texted him all the wrong things. I told him I loved him and missed and how I wanted him back. Oh and I told him I was pregnant, which I am. And it’s not his. He didn’t text me back. He kept ignoring me until finally he got mad and said enough and told me he needed space. I know we are meant to be. He has never been fond of kids though. I am almost done with the 30 day NC rule, and I’ve worked alot on myself. I know I don’t need him but he does make me a better person inside and out. He has yet to even try to reach out to me as ND all his friends think I’m crazy. He listens to his friends and family before he even formulates an opinion. Honestly, do I have a chance to get the love of my life back?
Dina
February 13, 2015 at 1:24 pm
Hey Chris, I really need your help. My boyfriend and I broke up in August because I had cheated on him last December. Before the final breakup, we made up once and the last time we had been together, it lasted for about four months. The thing is, he said he wanted us to still be friends and all that stuff, which I have believed up to a point. But we are at the same school, in the same class and the problem is we don’t talk at all at school. Since September, every party both of us attended ended up with him taking me home or going to his place and at that time, everything seemed perfect, he admitted loving me still, but when we were at school, no contact at all. Even though I thought I moved on, the truth is, I haven’t. It’s kind of hard because I get to see him every day and no matter how hard I try, these feelings don’t go away, as we had been together for almost 2 years. Do you think there is anything I could do to get him back? I kind of applied the NC, but I don’t really think it worked. Today I called him and he didn’t answer. What would you advise me? Please help me and thank you in advance !
Daphne
February 13, 2015 at 1:08 am
Hi Chris, this is not exactly about an ex-boyfriend. I hooked up twice with this guy I knew from high school. I guess you can’t say we’re really friends, but we’re more than acquaintances. He moved to another city a little while ago and I must admit I have strong feelings for him. I know he isn’t exactly an ex-boyfriend but I would like to get in contact again with him but I don’t know how. We haven’t spoken to each other for 2 months. Back then he wasn’t interested in a relationship but we had a good time together. What should I do?
Kaesha
February 12, 2015 at 11:26 am
I would love if you right an article about how to apoligize to your ex after a breakup i wanna apoligize for my part in the breakup but i dnt wanna seem desperate either and make it soo obvious i want him back i plan on texting him but i dont know yet how to convince him im truly sorry
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:14 pm
What did you do that warrants an apology?
Kaesha
February 17, 2015 at 9:54 am
I was accusing him of cheating and i found out he wasnt so i feel bad about it hes pissed at me ignoring me so i been giving him space but he been with this new girl for a couple weeks that i think is a rebound because they dating right after the breakup
admin
February 17, 2015 at 1:14 pm
Its understandable why he is mad…
What made you feel he was cheating though?
Kaesha
February 19, 2015 at 1:30 am
All of a sudden he started being weird and distant towards me he wasnt being his usual self he would be on social media but ignore me and it made me mad
AL
February 11, 2015 at 2:44 pm
My bf broke up w me couple days ago. We had only been together a month but we both fell hard and fast. He started pulling away making excuses…live to far away, i would never really be happy w him..etc. he said he needed coup,e weeks to work thru things. I gave him his space and didnt hear from hm so I ended up send him few text asking him why he didnt want our relationship(he never responded til coup,e days ago). He said he didnt want to see anyone right now and just wasnt good time for him to date anyone. In 2014 he said he had only gone out on few dates so obviously hes not opposed to dating, i met him on online dating site. I think he developed feelings alot stronger and faster then he expected and he wasnt mentally or emotionlly ready for them so he pulled away. If this is the case is there a chance of getting back together? Do i need to wait longer then month to reach out to him? I did point out to him alot on text that he didnt need to be afraid of his feelings or fear that i would hurt him be ause i felt the same way about him…he told me he wanted forever w me multiple times. Help!
admin
February 16, 2015 at 9:40 pm
Sure you do!
I think a month is perfect for this.
Lily
February 10, 2015 at 10:03 pm
I text my ex with a nice friendly message and now I heard he thinks I want to get back with him just because I text him once.
admin
February 11, 2015 at 1:59 pm
He thinks highly of himself doesn’t he?
Though you do want him back, right?
hahaha.
lily
February 11, 2015 at 9:54 pm
He does. I do but for him think that is disturbing. I want him back but its not like I really need him in order to live. I kind of knew he would be like that so I waited for a little bit more then a month to text him. We have a class together and he sits behind me. I act all causal so I don’t know where he is getting this from. How do I text him now that he “thinks” that I want him back?
Lizzy
February 10, 2015 at 3:12 am
My (ex) boyfriend broke up with me three days ago. He told me that he’s not in love with me anymore and he doesn’t think he ever was. He said if we never talk again, he will be okay with that. He’s done this three times before and I always run crying to him and begging him and we end up together again. However, I haven’t reached out to him this time but neither has he. Also, we don’t see eachother because we don’t work near eachother and we are no longer in college (where we met). Would the NC rule still work? He said he wouldn’t care if we didn’t keep in contact and he hasn’t tried to which shows that he truly doesn’t care. Doesn’t it? Would not contacting him truly get him to actually contact me?
admin
February 10, 2015 at 4:00 pm
Yes, NC can still work.
emma
February 9, 2015 at 8:53 pm
Hi ok so me and my boyfriend broke up we had been together for 6 months he was the first person ive ever loved and my first kiss i broke up with him because i felt he didn’t love me anymore and i didn’t want to keep him held in a relationship that he didn’t want to be in.
so here is the thing i dont think i will ever get him back but i miss him and really want him back we talk often only if i text him first and in a way we are kind of friends but the other day i asked him if he would kiss me again and he agreed you know kind of a this is it kiss i was hoping it would spark some feelings again but im not sure if we should do you think i should please answer i haven’t yet but i really need advice on if i should
Thanks emma
admin
February 10, 2015 at 3:39 pm
There is no such thing as a this is it kiss for guys…
I don’t think guys think the same about kissing as girls..
emma
February 10, 2015 at 8:07 pm
so do you think i should? i really miss him
ana
February 9, 2015 at 1:41 am
I was with my bf for about 9 months when I was raped by someone I knew. I don’t want to get into the whole story but basically the only reason o hung out with the person who did that to me was to protect my relationship because he was constantly harrassimg me, I didn’t want my bf to think I had something going on. So I lied to him when I told him where I went that day, unfortunately this ended badly and I tol my bf for support and instead was attacked. We have tried being together since it happened, but he was constantly breaking up with me and bringing up what happened to me, in turn he was hurting me more and more and was not allowing me to heal from what happened to me. We broke up about a week ago, and I want to give him space to heal as for me too. But do you think that’s even possible? The other problem is that even if I wanted to do the no contact time I can’t because he works with me. I only see him on the weekends though. I know this is a long shot based on the nature of our situation but really dont want what happened to me to tear us apart. Any advice would be appreciated.
Emma
February 9, 2015 at 12:20 am
Hi!
I really need help. I broke up with my boyfriend eight days ago, but I really regret it and I want him back. I broke up with him because I was angry because he never wants to go out and do anything, all we do is stay inside watching netflix etc. So well, I finally got him to go to the movies with me but I could feel that he really didn’t want to go, so I got upset, REALLY upset and said that maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. And now I feel like this was a huuuge and stupid mistake, but still, I was upset with other things with him, but broke up with him just cause he didn’t want to go the movies.
Anyway, I apologized to him and told him that I loved him and want him back. But he only says that he doesn’t know if he wants that. I’ve written so long messages and even gotten angry with him… but he rarely responds. What should I do? Do you Think there’s a way for us to get back togehter? He has told me that he is not over me, but he’s not sure he wants to be with me.
Should i ignore him? Though I feel like why should I ignore him if we only broke up because of a stupid fight… I just want to talk to him..
Please help!!
Emma
admin
February 9, 2015 at 4:48 pm
Do you think if you talked to him he would come back at this stage?
Emma
February 9, 2015 at 4:56 pm
I’m not sure. Maybe… I’ve at least tried to so I maybe I should leave him alone for a week or so?
Thing is, and my ex knows this, I get very angry and upset because of my birth control pills that he kind of forced me to take. And I am going to change to other pills.
But seriously, how can he be mad at me because of that?
admin
February 10, 2015 at 3:21 pm
He probably doesn’t understand really how birth control pills can make women…
I do though so I understand exactly what your coming from.
Emma
February 11, 2015 at 8:48 pm
Yeah, I guess. I am going to try to talk to him one last time. And tell him that I changed pills, hopefully he’ll want to meet up.
Weird thing is, he keeps contacting me, but then ignores me. Like he wants to talk to me, but then decides that he doesn’t want to.
catia
February 8, 2015 at 12:30 am
I never did nc fully or properly, which was a mistake, but we have done periods of texting and then not. It seems that after every 2-3 week span of not texting, I’m the one who always initiates. He responds positively (asks how my week is or tells me about his new job…. which is in a totally different country, so I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing that he’s so excited to tell me this!)– but it makes me wonder if he’d ever reach out had I not texted him first. Sometimes it feels like he’s just being nice/polite even though he gives lots of details. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid and over-analytical… which is very probable!
I do know that I haven’t done a good job at ending the convos first, so sometimes he doesn’t respond.. and that makes me feel like I’m totally chasing him. So I’ve decided to sort of “start over” and do better this time, following your text strategies step by step. Can this be done effectively even if we’ve been chatting on and off the whole time?
And as far as the FIRST contact text… since I’m pretty sure he’ll respond, I was thinking of sort of making it a mixture of a memory/saw this and it reminded me of you. Aka, saying I’m at this coffee shop we went to together and It gave me deja vu of that week (it was SB but we both stayed home and just did fun random stuff together…) The only thing is, later that night was the first time I told him “back” that I loved him. I obviously wouldn’t say that and it honestly wasn’t even the reason I chose this event, it was jsut a week full of great memories! But I’d bet he’ll remember that part tied in there; can I still use this or too risky?? My reason for not choosing another memory is bc immediately after the breakup I was all crazy (sweet, but crazy) and tried to remind him of literally every amazing memory we ever had together and I don’t want to remind him of that desperate side of me again by doubling up on a memory! And while i’m here, do people associate deja vu with a feeling?? Haha, because I definitely do… that’s why I thought of it in the first place, less about the events of the week but the feelings… it felt exciting just remembering! but if that’s not normal or something you can relay to someone else maybe I better choose something else.
admin
February 9, 2015 at 4:14 pm
Ok, no problem.
You will just have to find another way to fascinate him.
cm
February 10, 2015 at 1:55 am
Yikes, okay.. Do you suggest any certain time period for nc to last, since we’ve been in contact on a few weeks/off a few, since the breakup?
ONE MORE question about First contact text, can you help me with it?! So after this text, I THINK he will say “How’ve you been” or “How’s the new job?” (he knows I just started 2 wks ago). If he does, I know not to start a convo right away.. BUT do I wait 2 days and THEN pick up from there and answer his questions/segway into a convo, or do I just not answer them and start fresh with my own new (memory) text? And how would I bow out nicely and pick it up again–do I acknowledge the questions as I’m bowing out or 2 days later as I’m answering again? I’m guessing I shouldn’t say “sorry I never answered that” ha, can you maybe help me out with this?
Thank you so much!!
admin
February 10, 2015 at 3:57 pm
No, I would do this.
“Works been great… speaking of work I have to go to a meeting. Rain check?”
Then you wait two days and message him again.
catia
February 10, 2015 at 10:42 pm
PERFECT, THANK YOU!
sara
February 7, 2015 at 11:24 pm
hey ive met my exboyfriend online a year and a half ago from the first conversation he was all into me sayin that he loves me and how much he had been lookin for someone like me ( well we have almost everything in common music and stuff ) we both been hurted so much before too but i always thought no one could ever ;love someone from the first conversation right ??? but it turned out that he rlly did deeply loved me i wasnt tellin him i love u too or anything but ive always felt that i need what he is giving me (total understanding gentleness and just pure love ) then his brother sent me a friend request on facebook he was so funny and sexy i felt that rush towards him when my ex saw that we became friends on fb he told me thats my brother take care of him and stuff he always add girls from my profile i thought he was just sayin this to keep me away from his brother at first and kept talkin to them both i liked his brother but couldnt leave some one loves me so much but then his brother turned out to be strange i still dont get him till now ( talks about sex all the time no matter how many times i ask him to stop and tell him we r just friends and im his brother friend ) always horny to the point that he turns me on when i even dont want to i dont know i was just attracted to them both honestly and because i have trusting issues anyways i said my ex cant be that kind and sweet too good to be true sometimes id go along with his brother some times id tell him off and be rational till he told me that he wont leave me alone and threatened me with out chats said that hes gna show them to my ex unless i meet him i was shocked and started to believe that he is mental and me too because i took part of this shit i told him ill meet u then u leave me alone for ever i met him he was so sweet funny attractive and shit andhe said that he loves me i got soooo confused we made out in the car and it didnt seem that i was forced or that i didnt like it i went home that day sobbing because i betrayed some one rlly loves me or at least sayin so then i stopped talkin to his brother and got close to my ex was always makin excuses because i didnt want to meet him till he said u have one week then we gotta see each other and we did and i liked him million times more and started to have strong feelings for him and my pain was gettin stronger because what ive done with his brother cant be undone we met like 4 times he rlly made me so happy and it felt like its real love during that time his brother would make me feel guilty about what ive done with him while still talkin to his brother tellin me that im a bitch wich i maybe because what ive done but i wanted to fix my mistakes and he never allowed me till one day my ex checked the chat history between me and his brother on facebook sadly all the chats that i tell him off and saying stay away from me were on skype and chats on fb were awful t o read then i lost my boyfriend i couldnt breath literally panicked i even cut myself lol ( now im a sick bitch ) but i just love him so much cant imagine him with another one he only replies to me every now and then and because i went to a rehab he has been kind of sweet for 2 days or so then transform again into an angry beast who hates me he is on and off i dont know what he wants anymore some times he says nice stuff like (the only reason im still talkin to u is that love could never be changed into hate )but other times he say ill never forget what uve done ur a cheater etc. i love him and id do anything for him pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase could he ever be with me again
admin
February 9, 2015 at 3:43 pm
Hmm… Have you read some of the more relevant articles yet?
sara
February 9, 2015 at 5:56 pm
yea i did but needed a more specific opinion
sara
February 9, 2015 at 6:02 pm
well i dont now things r so complicated to be solved that way anyway thanks 🙂
sara
February 7, 2015 at 11:40 pm
im 21 my ex bf is 30 the brother is 23 if this is helpful by any means !!
sara
February 9, 2015 at 3:08 pm
and maybe u could plz delete my comment after replying id be grateful thanks
Bridie Sampson
February 7, 2015 at 7:48 pm
Hi Chris,
I need someone’s advice.
I have only been dating my ex for a month he used to really bug me as he used to let me down all the time for “work” one day enough was enough and I thought I would write down how I felt and my feelings and send to him, after I rung him and he declined the calls twice and ignored me the next day I finished it with him. I didn’t want to but I thought it was for the best. He still is ignoring me I tried asking him for a coffee and a talk but he didn’t reply! He was friends with his exs who cheated on him yet I told him my feelings and he cut all ties.
Will he text me within a few weeks?? Or shall I just move on??? I really like him and really want another chance with him! When we were together we were perfect I just never knew when I was going to see him again and I paniked and thought he was stringing me along!
Help!!
Thankyou x
admin
February 9, 2015 at 4:08 pm
I think he will end up texting… BUT you would increase your chance by doing NC.
Bridie Sampson
February 9, 2015 at 7:17 pm
Okay thankyou so much, he has my stuff at his too? So again shall I wait then message him later after the nc period? X