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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
What Happens To An Avoidant During No Contact?
How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
Post categories
Sara
March 1, 2015 at 2:33 pm
Hi Chris,
Broke up with my on/off boyfriend of 2 years a couple of days ago, although it felt like the right thing to do, I kind of feel I was too hard on him and want to give it another shot. I don’t think he really cares or loves me now and must resent me im sure. Going to try no contact and see where it goes from there. But what if he meets someone else??
Zara
March 1, 2015 at 12:41 pm
Hi, ive been with my bf for only 4 month and we both have very busy jobs. We siscussed this beforw dating and relised we won’t be able to see each other that much. 2 weeks ago he started ignoring my text and when i asked him straight out what is going answer was he is too busy for this. Am i missing something here and not seeing the big picture
rachel
February 28, 2015 at 12:03 am
First things first, we have never been in a “Relationship”. So, I’ve known this guy for several years. He was my first love and we saw each other when I was younger for about six months and then quit seeing each other because he met someone older. In between then and now we’ve exchanged sentimental texts with one another but it always left me feeling sad because we never really reunited. Obviously, as time wore on, I met and went out with many nice people and had a long term relationship of nearly two years that didn’t end up working out. He has not been at the forefront of my mind and I almost grew apathetic towards him because he didn’t treat me very well when I was younger, probably due to his immaturity. It was like he never existed. However, last fall, we bumped into one another unexpectedly and my heart went pang. We smiled and chatted but I didn’t come on to him. He was staring at me like he wanted us to be alone in the room. After I left the event, he contacted me and invited me over. I didn’t go because my feelings weren’t as strong for him as they were in the past. I agreed to hang out with him though and do something simple like watch a movie. After he came over to my house to catch up and talk about things, we moved things forward a little bit and I went to visit him at his place. We were very affectionate and it was beautiful because we were both older and had experienced several years of growth without one another. We bonded and became intimate over a period of several months, however, he made it clear he did not want anything serious. After a while though, I felt like I was his girlfriend. And he treated me as such. Three weeks ago, he sent me a text saying that we shouldn’t be seeing each other. I was sort of shocked because we had been seeing each other about every other day, and he had been doing most of the inviting. I’m sure he had become interested in other women but I felt I had held his attention for awhile. Perhaps feelings weren’t strong enough between us. I replied to his breakup text honestly and let him know that I was disappointed but that everything we did together made me happy and I wasn’t doing it just for HIM. A week later I said that I was sorry for some of the dramatic statements I had made and he said it was okay. I told him it bothered me that we weren’t in contact and he told me that he was doing fine and that he never meant to cause me harm. It ended politely. I haven’t said a word since and don’t intend to because I have been confused about my feelings. I never thought it was a great idea to get back in with him because he’s a guy who doesn’t easily commit. But I miss him, and think about him everyday. This was not a normal relationship or circumstance. I’m prepared to let him go for good but I hope deep down there’s something to salvage. Do you suggest no contact? I doubt he’ll ever reconnect because he knows what will happen if he does; I’ll come back to him with the desire to be loved and I’m not sure he has the capacity to love and take care of me like I want. Help. This means a lot.
rachel
February 28, 2015 at 12:04 am
By the way, I’m under 21 so I’m not an expert on relationships haha
Lacy
February 27, 2015 at 1:59 pm
How does no contact fit in with this: we have a vacation planned in May, and we broke up at the beginning of this month because we were always disagreeing and not compromising. After a bit of texting and talking(that was a bit emotionally charged for BOTH of us), I haven’t spoken to him in a week. Does the vacation hinder the purpose of no contact, since it’s lingering there in our future? He did tell me he doesn’t think we’re going to get together- I don’t know if this trip is smart…it puts pressure on us to make it work.
Man man
February 26, 2015 at 8:02 pm
My ex suddenly pull away in our relationship, he had his business problem to handle and stresses, I understand, but he suddenly go online dating site actively and I complaint on the texting, he didn’t reply and I didn’t contact him as well, after v.day I didn’t to go find him in the store too, usually I’m the one to initiate to see and text after he trying to pull away. He suddenly take off his online profile for a week, and back to this week he post it again, I also post mine to site to pretend move on..
Now almost 3 weeks NC, I think he won’t be contact me first, I really want to contact him, what situations NC can fit in 21 days?
Will he think I’m getting mad of his profile so he take it off before and think I’m still mad so he is not going to contact me? Or he actually pull away so now he’s continuous to do that? So confused as there doesn’t know what he’s thinking..
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:28 pm
Are you asking if you can do a 21 day NC period?
vdawwg_
February 26, 2015 at 3:48 am
I just told him how I felt about him after leaving him after only being together one week back in November. He came back to me and I rejected him now I want him back and he is no longer interested. He knows that I want him but he has said that he no longer cares about me or anything that happened and that I tell everyone all the crap that happened and talk crap on him. I don’t know if I should again wait another month and try contacting him again later to tell him that I want another shot or just leave things be and simply hope that magic happens and he returns?..
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:07 pm
Well, don’t leave things up to magic… Have you done any NC rule yet?
Angel
February 25, 2015 at 7:11 am
Hi! I actually need some advice. I met my ex- boyfriend 6 months ago, although it was a on again off again relationship. Everyone in my family despises him and I never understood until a week ago. Apparently he had hurt his younger sister sexually a long time ago, not only that but I had found out he was flirting with other women. Although I miss him at times… I’m not sure if I want him back or not. Any advice?
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:38 pm
He hurt her sexually?
Isn’t that a bit of a red flag?
PZ
February 25, 2015 at 2:26 am
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. Our relationship was perfect when we were together, but it was hard to see each other more than 4-6 times a month. He tells me that he loves me and cares for a me a great deal and that he so badly wants us to be together but that he feels this will be best. He’s my first love and I’m his first too. We were best friends before we got together and the last 2 weeks we’ve been trying to talk as just friends and I tried to get a sort of friends with benefits thing with him but he said it’d be too hard because he loves me and he can’t do those things without keeping all his feelings for me. He’s moving to 3,000 miles away in 4 months which is another reason he thought this would be best. I’m confused this came out of nowhere and then a few days ago he cut off all our communication. Just days before he was telling me how Im still his best friend and that he will always be here because he cares for me. I’m trying to respect his wishes, but I truly think he’s making a very big mistake. I want to text him how much I miss him, but I’m afraid if I don’t do it now he’ll forget about me. What do I do?
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:34 pm
I think the him moving thing is something you are going to have to overcome…
BRV
February 25, 2015 at 1:00 am
Hello, my girlfriend and I have dated for a year and a couple months. Come last Novemember we broke up because I tend to take away her freedom and freak out when she goes out with her friends. Poorly implementing techniques I learned I got her back around December. But unfortunately it was too soon and I didnt change. Because of that we have broken up again last Friday. I’m not to sure how to get her back or if there is a chance to get her back a second time. Should I go through no contact again?
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:29 pm
Please visit my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery. That is more adminiable to your situation.
CC
February 23, 2015 at 10:48 pm
I really need advice. I dated a guy for 8mths. It was my 1st relationship and his 1st serious one. All other ones he ended in 4-6 months. We have a lot in common although he doesn’t think so. He thinks I’m not as social or adventurous as he is. Our parents arent thrilled bc of cultural backgrounds, but they were coming around. He tried ending it in December because he thought things werent working. It was a stressful time and I wasnt happy. He immediately (like a min later) decided it was a mistake. I tried so hard after that to not feel insecure or get upset, but sometimes I did when I thought he didn’t feel the same way about me and we argued occasionally. He shuts down with conflict. I like to communicate. Mostly we were happy. We laughed together and had fun talking to each other all the time. He was stressed with work, so I tried hard to make things easier and let him work when I was with him. We work at the same institution and no one at work knew. It made me awkward around my coworkers. He liked to go out with them, but that was hard for me to do without giving things away. He said he’d tell them soon. We went on a trip and he said he needed to work because a test was coming up soon. I let him work or sleep when he needed thinking that it was the best way to support him even during the trip. I recently had to go away for work for 2 weeks. This was right after we got back from the trip. He talked to me every day multiple times a day like normal. He was cute and fun and asked my advice for things. Then I got back all excited to see him. He said he doesnt think it would work. He had decided 2 weeks ago after the trip and didn’t want to upset me while gone. He did this all over the ph. He said he couldn’t quite explain why but thought we were too different. That he was more social than me and liked going out (this was just one example – he couldn’t give me more). I told him that I was awkward bc of the secrecy at work (close friends knew) and that he wanted to work so I was being supportive. He said he must have handled things poorly but that he doesn’t think this is his “dream relationship,” but that he still cares and likes talking/hanging out. He ended it bc doesnt want to string me along. He wanted to still be friends, but he imagines the ideal relationship would be easy and he wanted adventure (I do too!). He never once mentioned his concerns the past 2 months. I thought things were getting better. I’m so confused. I feel like he doesn’t realize that relationships require work and that there’s no perfect relationship. I think he’s scared because this is also the most serious one he’s been in. a few hours after he texted saying I miss you already. It’s soo hard. I’m trying to cut him off, but I don’t get it. What does it mean?
admin
February 24, 2015 at 9:19 pm
He seems like he needs more maturing in his life bc all relationships require work to survive.
CC
February 24, 2015 at 11:28 pm
We work together. Won’t that mess up the no contact?
What do I do when I see him?
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:25 pm
Literally writing an article about this now.
Its coming out friday.
CC
February 23, 2015 at 11:15 pm
I’m supportive. I love him. I try to take care of him. I’m smart, pretty, and have an awesome job. He’s not out of my league (if anything ppl always say it’s the other way around, but i still think he’s the most attractive person I know despite that). So is this just a fear of commitment? Or is there something irrevocably wrong with our relationship. I admit I should have pushed to get him to open up, but I thought I’d let him do that naturally at his own pace. He admits he should have communicated, but thinks that in the long run we’re not likely to be happy even though he was happy he just thinks we dont have the “dream relationship.”
admin
February 24, 2015 at 9:22 pm
Its looking that way about the commitment.
Hollie
February 23, 2015 at 11:49 am
Hi Chris
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 4 days before valentines day following an argument about something I found (unintentionally) in his emails.
I did no contact for 7 days but then ended up texting him/dropping by to speak to him as we were basically communicating through text messages passed over by his sister (asking for things back etc) We spoke civilly and I work at the same place as him so I didn’t want anything to be awkward or for him to feel like he can’t come in the office. We spoke for about 45 minutes, and ended with a hug. He said he needed some time and I said we both need space. I text him when i got home saying i’m glad we spoke, no hard feelings and he replied yeah none whatsoever.
I’ve not spoke to him since then (4 days ago). My issue is he is literally going out every single night in groups with lots of other girls. He’s added so many new girls on facebook and yet hasn’t accepted my friend request (he had blocked me as a misunderstanding)
I feel like I never even existed to him and he has already moved on and forgotten about me. We had so many plans for the future.
I would take him back in a heart beat but I feel like I’ve lost him forever. I’m putting on a brave face, going out at weekends and trying to keep busy but it’s so so hard. I’m back on no contact now but not feeling at all hopeful. Could he have moved on so quickly?
What do you think could be the outcome 🙁
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:49 pm
You are doing the right thing.
Try not to focus so much on what he is doing. Focus on what You are doing.
Hollie
March 2, 2015 at 9:59 am
Still doing no contact .. I had sent him a friend request on FB when when we last spoke and he didn’t do anything with it .. he has now declined it.
Beginning to lose all hope of ever winning him back and it’d really getting me down. I’m happy on the outside but on the inside I’m literally broken.
It’s his birthday coming up in the next month and I’m not sure what I should do. I think it will fall outside the 30 day no contact rule … any words of encouragement for me?
lucy
February 23, 2015 at 12:47 am
I was with my bf for a year, he always said he had attachment issues and throughout the year communication was scarce on both ends. Things were hot in the beginning but cooled off after we became official and never progressed. I tried to make him happy but nothing worked and I wasn’t happy. We had a planned trip to jackpot with a group of friends, and that morning he was acting sullen (a common occurance before trips) I knew what would happen, he would put me in a bad mood and he was able to act completly fine in front of friends, I on the other hand wear my emotions in my sleeve and I knew it would ruin our trip once again. I couldn’t have it. We mutually split just as our friends arrived, he went to jackpot and I stayed behind. While he was gone I cleaned all of my stuff out of his house and left my key in a viable place. I’ve heard of the no contact rule so while he was gone I unfriended him and all of his friends so he had no way to view my profile, I also changed my status to single and began moving on while he was on our vacation alone drinking and gambling his money away. That was Friday, they were back Saturday and I went bowling with the same group of friends that he went to jackpot with. He wasn’t there because they told him not to come because he was being too “moody.” I haven’t been posting anything about what I have been doing but I have been keeping busy, taking better care of myself,getting my life back together and hanging out with as many people as possible without getting drunk. Today is Sunday and he text me, called me and messaged me on Facebook asking if we could talk. I wasn’t going to answer at all but 4 hours later I asked what he wanted to talk about (I know I shouldn’t have) but he text me back and said, not over text. That was 6 hours ago and I havn’t responded. I feel like I have the upper hand but am unsure of what to do next. I won’t text him back but but it’s making me crazy. Honestly tho I don’t know if I want to go back. I just want him to remember me and realize he f***ed up.
Mina
February 23, 2015 at 12:15 am
What if my NC ends on the day of his Birthday? Do I write something nice or do I just say something really casual?
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:33 pm
No, write a few days after his birthday in that case.
Mina
February 23, 2015 at 11:07 pm
Wouldn’t he think I’m playing games with him?
admin
February 24, 2015 at 9:18 pm
As opposed to what you are doing right now thats not working?
Mina
February 24, 2015 at 9:59 pm
You’re right but I know he would be really hurt if I don’t send anything. Is there anything I can write that would be okay?
Mina
February 25, 2015 at 10:03 pm
Please answer.. I need help!
MD
February 20, 2015 at 9:24 pm
Is there any possible way you could email me? I really need some advice, but the situation im in I CANT post. Please. We have a child together and im at the end of my roads.
admin
February 21, 2015 at 12:04 am
The best way to get an answer from me is to record a voicemail for the podcast or comment… I am no longer going to do emails anymore (I am getting too overwhelmed by them.)
Sorry…
MD
February 21, 2015 at 12:58 am
Please it won’t take long!!!!!
MD
February 21, 2015 at 12:59 am
All I can do is email
admin
February 22, 2015 at 4:26 pm
I am sorry but I have to stop emailing but I am more than happy to help you on here or on the podcast.
Emma
February 20, 2015 at 6:31 pm
I got dumped by him
We walked home one day and it was really nice because I hadn’t seen him in a week but we were like normally
I think I could tell he still likes me a little but
But he said he feels different
What does that mean ?
And wheni leaved him when walking home he give me a long and tight
Hug and said “text me later …if you want”
But then we text me about 1hr later asking a question
And soo confused I need help to see what he is thinking and if he might wanna try again or not
admin
February 22, 2015 at 4:08 pm
Well, do you just want to know what he is thinking or do you want him back?
lupe
February 19, 2015 at 9:26 am
I cheated not just wiyh one guy but 3. He found out a day after valentines day. I was taking a shower and when i went back to his room i saw him going trough my phone. He didnt think i saw him. He saw messages witb the other three . We had a day planed of fun stuff to do that day, but he said get dressed so i can take you home. He didnt look mad just wasvso.serious. we didnt talk on the way back to my house. But when we arrived i asked what was going on he said ” ill let you know when i txt you ,maybe”. When he left i sent him a message saying ” i know what is going on ” i tried to explain why i did it he didnt wanted ti hear a reason he just said “Own what you did and move on”. Does this means i cant get him back ? Please help i want him back
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:20 pm
Well, I think right now, no you can’t get him back.
With time though, its much more possible.
tina
February 19, 2015 at 12:40 am
i broke up with my boyfriend by never texting him back, he texted few times saying hope everythings ok and then saying is it something i probably did? and said wish u well and then after a month and 5 days he texted saying i never formally said good bye to you and he wrote goodbye…should i text back or not if yes then what should i say?
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:04 pm
Well, if you want him back then eventually you would have to contact him yes…
Regina Filange (friends)
February 18, 2015 at 5:15 pm
I had a quick short text message chat with my ex that I started and his last response he was really enthusiastic but quite friendly too. In the text was a question. He broke up with me because ‘something wasn’t right. I want him to realise that i’m moving on (even if i’m kind of not). Do you think not replying will make him curious or just annoy him? The question was asking me about this football team game im playing…
admin
February 18, 2015 at 10:11 pm
Did he give you any more information other than “something wasn’t right?”
Regina Filange (friends)
February 20, 2015 at 8:57 am
‘He loves and cares about me but he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t make enough effort.’ Basically said I should go find someone better.
Jess
February 18, 2015 at 11:16 am
Hey chris I really need your help I contacted him after the no contact period.. This is how the convo went
Me: I have a confession to make..
Him:Ah yeh
Him again: And what’s that
Hour later:
Me: I ate this amazing spit roast gyros from this new Greek place, it was just like Greece with the chips in it! Made me think of you, I know you would love it!
Him: How is that a confession…
Me: If u had one u would understand! I can’t speak.. going into a movie 🙂
Was this a negative convo?? Should I still contact him in 2 days with another text or wait a week?
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:54 pm
Hmm… you probably should have waited 30 minutes instead of an hour…
Also, I don’t think its negative. I think its more neutral.
Try something else other than the I have a confession text next time.
Jess
February 19, 2015 at 2:29 am
In 2 days or a week? And is this ok for the next message..
“I just stumbled across a DVD of suits, reminded me of how we used to watch it together. Made me smile:)”
OR
Remember when we took Charlie for a swim and she nearly swam away? I was so scared we would have to jump in after her!! That was a nice afternoon 🙂
Or do u have another suggestion?
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:07 pm
I like the suits one!
Give that a try.
Jess
February 21, 2015 at 3:40 am
He didn’t reply.. I think I might go on another 3 week no contact and try again
Jess
February 23, 2015 at 7:34 am
Do you think I should wait a week and try again or wait longer?
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:42 pm
Wait a week and try again
Jess
February 19, 2015 at 9:53 am
Or am I meant to wait a week and use the “been thinking lately and you popped into my head” ?
Kathy
February 18, 2015 at 5:24 am
Someone please help me. On friday feb 13th my boyfriend of almost 2 years found out i had kissed another guy. I was drunk and it didn’t mean anything, and he has done sketchy things in the past too, but he broke up with me and has barely talked to me. I’ve texted and emailed him a bunch, but he just doesn’t respond. We also have 2 classes together bc we’re in college, and we are both going on the same spring break trip-just us two- in less than 3 weeks. Should i do the no contact rule since the trip is so close? I don’t want him to think I dont care and Im not giving effort either. Someone please help me!
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:50 pm
Ouch… Friday the 13th.
You should take a look at my cheating articles. You might find them helpful.