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Keya
March 7, 2014 at 5:01 pm
Hey,
My ex broke up with me about 6 months back, but we stayed in constant touch because he said even though he didn’t want us to be in a relationship , he still wanted me to be in his life.
But I kept asking him through out this duration to forgive me n take me back, to which he would get extremely rude n say that it was my fault that we aren’t together , that it’s soley my mistake that we aren’t together and that I don’t deserve a guy like him.
Ps. I’m an MBA in Finance ; so something like that completely tore me apart.
Currently I’ve reduced my conversations with him, but It’s always him that dops a text saying “hey” n trying to start a conversation.
I still love him . I just want to know if he will ever forgive me, if there is any chance that we could get back together and how can I do that .!
Mads
March 5, 2014 at 10:54 am
************************************************
Hi,
Just read this article . My boyfriend and I had a fight because I went to a party with my friends which he hated the most because they date lots of different men, party a lot, smokes weed etc. they are not really my close friends but I always go out with them before. And those people wants me to be like them, they wanted me to do the things they do. They kinda manipulated me before and he knows everything about it. So he asked me not to see them again. So I didn’t meet them for quite sometime. Last February one of my (bad influence) friends celebrated her birthday on a Friday night I am supposed to meet my boyfriend Saturday morning after work . But I didn’t go to work instead I went to the party and told him I won’t be able to see him the next day. And I told him as well that I’m getting tired and bored because we only meet every weekend coz of our work schedules. At first he said, if I don’t have time to meet him he understand it. So I told him the reason why I can’t meet him . The moment I told him that I’m in a party with this people he hates the most he said “let’s go separate ways, you just want to be like them” . I thought he was just joking. So I left the party early and went to his place , he wasn’t there and he messaged me saying “you won’t see me for a while” what does it mean ? Please help 🙁
admin
March 5, 2014 at 6:03 pm
First off, he has no right to tell you who you can be friends with. While I agree they may not be the best influences (most guys who are looking for something stable get really frightened of people who party a lot and date lots of different men.)
While I know you are not like them the fact that you hung around them scares him into thinking youll get hammered one night and cheat on him.
So, that is whats going on in his mind guaranteed.
Vangirl007
February 26, 2014 at 10:02 am
Finished the NC, did my first attempt via tex , but fail to do the same as your tex messages examples. So happens that my grandma died, so I just told him that my nana passed away. No response from him, should I wait one week to tex him again? Did I screw it up because my first attempt was a sad message?
Iz
March 9, 2014 at 1:15 am
First off, I am sorry for your loss! Is it possible that he didn’t want to get involved because he may have thought you were vulnerable and wanted to reach out to him merely for comfort? Or that he may think you’re using your nana’s death as a way to get him to take you back etc since you didn’t start your first contact with him with happy/positive things? x
Vangirl007
March 13, 2014 at 10:55 pm
I texted him again after 1 week from my initial tex. I got negative response. He told me not to tex him anymore. I told him that ill respect his wish,wished him luck with his future exam being a captain and hope in future to catch up will him.
I will do the NC for a month again, I’ll try to reach out via tex again.
Will I still have a chance? After second try? Or should I just leave him alone?
Vangirl007
March 13, 2014 at 11:23 pm
I guess you have a valid point Iz, so Chris what should I do next?
Here’s my plan, NC again for 1 month then reach out via tex
I sense if I try again I might sound desperate , pls advise I still want to keep my self respect.
Tanvi
February 23, 2014 at 5:44 pm
My ex broke up with me because of my fault. But now he wants to be friends. I tried not talking and ignoring him but he gets very angry if I don’t reply to his messages and starts bringing up the past and then the entire blame parade starts. Frankly I cannot handle it anymore, everytime he says that it was my fault that we broke up I have a meltdown. It was my fault saying things I shouldn’t have said in the first place and I begged and pleaded him to forgive me , but I don’t think he has . Despite all of that he still talks , mostly texts , but he does that. He had suggested we be friends with benefits.
What do u think I should do .,?
MJ
February 23, 2014 at 4:59 am
I followed the NC rule and after 2 attempts, my ex finally spoke to me. They were very short, neutral responses. I’m going to wait 3 days before I contact again but I don’t know what to say. Any advice?
k94
February 22, 2014 at 10:54 pm
Can i ask him why he’s ignoring me or would that come across needy/desperate?
Even if it was menioned in passing? Like,
“have i done something to upset you?”
I cannot stand being ignored. Why.
I dont nag him, maybe a text every other week if that.
So why is it so important for him to just ignore me?
I have done nothing wrong.
So can i ask him why or is that a horrible idea?
admin
February 24, 2014 at 6:15 pm
It would probably come off as needy and desperate.
Cinnia
February 22, 2014 at 9:33 pm
Hi I have been with my ex for over a year and he broke up with me a month ago saying “I’m not happy where I am in life and I can’t be with anyone right now”, “I do want to be with you but at the same time I want to be alone”, “I do still love you but I don’t know if I feel the same way”. I let him go but then I took it really badly and asked for him back after two days. I showed myself REALLY desperate. On impulse he said he’ll get back with me and later said no. I didn’t contact him for 3 weeks and he didn’t as well but after 3 weeks I took him to a nice dinner and to the lion king musical because I know he always wanted to watch it. On that night he said “Now I feel like I’m back at square one. I was fine when I wasn’t seeing you but now that I see you, there is still the attraction so it’s hard. This is why I can’t see you for a while.” and while spending some time together, he really really wanted to have sex and eventually I gave in. After sex I asked him some questions and he said “If I said I loved you, I would be fooling myself but I did miss you. I can;t see you because I can;t control myself around you and I feel like this (sex) is going to repeat and I feel guilty because I feel like I’m just leading you on”. The whole date was over and I said ok i feel better and i understand and he said he was sorry and he wishes he felt the same way i did. Two nights after that, he texted me asking what flavor protein i wanted (because i asked him to get me my workout supplements before) so I told him. The day after, I texted him first asking if he wanted the money for the supplements now because i was going to be in the area and he said no. But i saw his mom that day and I impulsively just went and bought a gift basket and left it at their door with a card for his parents because they were really nice to me. I guess he saw that not long after and texted me thanks but you didn’t have to so i just said i was thankful and if he could pass on the message to his parents and he said will do, thanks.
I know it was really long but I really don’t know where to go from here… I still do need to get my supplements, although I don’t think he bought them yet (it’s been 3 days since he asked me what flavor I wanted) so I will have to see him later so to go back in NC is hard. I really do want him back but it feels like he really moved on already. I read some of your other articles too but I still feel lost. Could you please give me some advices as to what I should do please
Nina
February 20, 2014 at 8:21 pm
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months and we got into an argument. It was about females. He ended up saying he doesn’t care if he ever talks to me again and to never text him again. He is deployed so this situation added to his stress. Did i mess this up?
admin
February 21, 2014 at 6:07 pm
Have you tried NC on him yet?
Sarah
February 20, 2014 at 7:24 am
Hey Chris! My ex broke up with me and about 2 weeks later I stupidly called him and we talked for an hour and a half and he told me he still thought about me and “stalked” my facebook and it “hurt” him to see anything related to me moving on with life in any way. Then the next day he snapchatted me a couple times and then came to see me at work. He gave me a huge hug and we talked casually, out of nowhere he grabbed my face and kissed me! We hugged and kissed a couple more times and made plans to hang out 3 days later. He text me later that night and said it “felt good” to see me and that he “likes our kisses.” The night came that we were to see each other and he cancelled. He said that he “has too many feelings for me” and “wants to get over me.” He said for this reason we should no longer talk or see each other. It has now been a full week since we have talked. Should I still hold onto hope? What is going on in his mind? Help!
admin
February 20, 2014 at 7:48 pm
So, he got cold feet and cancelled…
He is probably scared to see you that is what I think.
Sarah
February 20, 2014 at 8:39 pm
Thanks for your response! Scared of what? And whats the best next step for me?
Sarah
February 20, 2014 at 7:29 am
P.S. he is VERY stubborn and I think even if he really missed me he would not contact me for that reason. I’m having a hard time understanding why he would NOT want to talk if he still has feelings for me…? THANKS!
Tanvi
February 19, 2014 at 9:11 am
What if he breaks up with u because u told him during a fight that you felt as if he just ‘used’ you . My ex, even now when we talks says it was because of this one word that he will never forgive me . I am still very much in love with him . Do u think there is any possibility of him forgiving me n us getting back together ?
admin
February 19, 2014 at 7:26 pm
Sounds like he isn’t willing to communicate.
Tanvi
February 20, 2014 at 3:55 am
Hey thanks a lot for the reply ,, what do u think , is there any possibility of us getting back together ?? Or should I jus stop holding onto him ,,? I love him a lot ,., and want what’s best for him,,
Tanvi
February 20, 2014 at 4:10 am
And he wants to be ‘ friends with benefits’ .
Tara
February 19, 2014 at 5:19 am
Me and my ex were together for six years and it ended Sept of 2013.. now he is the father of my child as well our relationship was complicatedwe broke up. And get back together this last time was the final straw. Nowwe stopped having sex. And then he did it one time and then I was.like no and then I gave in again and this time I was like theirs to Manu motions involved and its confusing ..so he was like u are right hmm however I’m physically still attracted to you but we will not make a good.couple..And we both agreed to having good communication and getting along. Kool this Valentine’s he sent me Happy Valentine’s day tex. I responded with a smiley face never.got a response. Then today once again he tex me about asking if the baby can stay the.night I replied yes that’s fine and once again no.response. so Im just.figuring why is he acting.like this????
JB
February 16, 2014 at 8:14 pm
Here’s a twist: My last text message to my ex was pleasant. I wished him all the best and ended it saying that I would not contact him again. Does this alter the effectiveness of 30 day no contact rule? Since essentially he’s already put on notice that I will not be contacting him.
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:35 pm
I think it probably helps a bit.
Sofia
February 13, 2014 at 3:58 pm
what if he’s ignoring me because he left me for someone else? (and started dating her two weeks after)
is there any chance that he’ll ever talk to me again?
admin
February 14, 2014 at 3:19 am
Yes there is a chance but it may take a while. You might be better off moving on without moving on. You know, just don;t sit arond and wait for him.
Lily
February 13, 2014 at 10:43 am
Hey. I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 23 and we have been together for almost 4 years. Our relationship in the past has been crazy, and we have both been ridiculous and have gotten in some pretty crazy fights over the years. Anyways, yesterday (or should I say 2 days ago being after midnight) we got into this fight because I mentioned I was upset that I saw that he started following this girl on Facebook. He tried to play it off like “please stop this I don’t even know what you are talking about.” … Later that night he called me and I confronted him again and he was still insisting that he doesn’t have “any idea who it is and has no idea how that happened and it was a complete accident” which is a complete lie because he favorited a picture of her on twitter (some local model chick) that his female friend posted and then of course tracked her down and found out her name and and started following her on Facebook. Anyways the conversation on the phone ended badly of course he tried to turn the conversation around on me like it was my fault saying “this completely bores me and he’s sick and bored of me always getting mad at him for him doing something wrong” and the conversation ended with me saying that it was so manipulative to turn this around on me and you’re such a cheater and he hung up on me (I have trust issues with him when it comes to texting, Facebook, etc. From past issues)… Right after we got of the phone I sent him a screen shot of the Facebook page he followed, followed by several angry texts saying “yeah looks like you have no idea what you were doing I can’t believe you would rather get yourself twisted up in this giant lie rather then tell the truth you’re the one who has to feel good about themselves etc” and he never responded. Today (yesterday) I cracked and sent him probably 5 texts throughout the day starting with “tell me the truth, can you 100% honestly say that you had no idea who that was and what you were doing or did you think it wasn’t a big deal to follow this girl on facebook and who cares and didn’t think it was an issue to get mad about?” And he didn’t respond so I proceeded with texts like “wow I can’t believe you, you are trying this hard to cover this up rather then admitting the simple answer which we both know you’re smart enough to have done this on purpose. You are a liar I was so right for being skeptical about trusting you I have lost all my trust in you” and of course he didn’t reply to that either so 7 hours later I called and left a message and just calmly said hey we need to talk… And texted him that same thing “call me. We need to talk it’s important…..” And no reply. He unfollowed the girl on Facebook and hid his relationship status from his Facebook although still in one and blocked me from Instagram and twitter earlier in the morning before all of my text messages which he usually does when we are in a fight in order to me manipulative and he usually blocks my phone number too so I can’t contact him; prime example of him wanting to make me submissive and come crawling back to him and trying to desperately get in contact with him. Anyways, valentines day is tomorrow and we were supposed to spend the weekend together before he goes on an annual work trip to Vegas on Tuesday-Thursday (although he doesn’t drink, I HIGHLY don’t trust him there.) and then to a motorcycle show (he’s a photographer) on the east coast from fri-sun.
I want to patch things up before/by the weekend but I know he’s playing the control silent treatment game and I don’t know how to get him to respond or talk to me. I know I screwed up with the texting thing but even when he is giving me the silent treatment, he normally contacts me or at least responds to one of my texts and Although he ‘blocks” me on my social media he checks it at least once throughout the day anyways. I am 98% of the time the person that will text him and say like let’s not fight or it was both of our faults or something like that Eventhough that’s not always accurate just to end the fight. He has this weird complex with being called a liar or cheater where it’s the worst insult in the world to him and plays the blame game and won’t take responsibly for his mistakes or think he did anything wrong. I am so angry that he lied to me but I want to patch up our
Fight because I am so paranoid and nervous about his trip to Project, in Vegas coming up this week and I want to see him before He
Goes but I don’t know what to do or how to patch things up. It was like a lightbulb going off reading this Article as well about the silent treatment and how men use it to initiate Control. I would really appreciate your advice on this matter and how to fix this situation. Thank you!
admin
February 14, 2014 at 3:16 am
Don’t take offense to this but I think he is very immature. I wish people would communicate and be honest with each other. (him not you.)
Michaela
February 13, 2014 at 3:16 am
What if you’ve been nothing but nice to him and you simply just want to be friends? Yet he ignores you for no reason?
admin
February 14, 2014 at 3:02 am
You should check out my latest guide.
Sam
February 12, 2014 at 11:31 pm
I haven’t heard from my ex boyfriend in 3 months and we were on good terms the last time we talked. Last week I received a random email from him with nothing in the body, and the subject said, “i want you.” I wrote back “ummm?” the next morning, and he didn’t say anything. I’m frustrated that he would not acknowledge the email after initiating contact. It makes me think that he doesn’t care about how I view him and I hate when things are left off on a weird note. I want to send another email asking what’s going on…?
Ellie
February 11, 2014 at 5:58 pm
Hey there, well mine is a crazy story my bf and I were together for almost 2 yrs we lived together we had our ups and downs. He was a very jealous person he hated when I would talk to my male friends he said he trusted me but in the back of my mind I felt like he didn’t. later on I got send to California for some training he was always arguing with me about me doing something stupid I never cheated on him and because he would tell me that I would get annoyed and frustrated so we would argue. One day I guess he got tired of everything and broke up with me. A few days later I was talking to one of my male friends about what happened and he kissed me I didn’t kiss him back in end up telling my friend on a fb messages my ex saw it and he completed went off on me calling all crazy names saying that he was leaving. I came back from California I was upset for everything he said so I ignored him I was hoping for him to come talk to me and fix things. He didn’t he packed his stuff and left the next day. I was hurt I did text him that he need it to come back he said it wasn’t possible because he already had a job and everything was going well back home. After a few weeks he started being mean to mea be started saying that he was with somebody else and he was finally happy. I end up dating my boyfriend the one before him things didn’t work out. One cause it was long distance relationship and second I could stop thinking about my ex. A few days my ex told me that he still loved me and that he was willing to work things out I got hopes up not even 24hours he tells me that I need to leave him alone and stay away from his life and that he doesn’t have any feeling for me pretty much telling me to fuck off. I was completely confused i didn’t know what was going on. I did felt needy and I kept asking him what was going on I told him how I felt and I apologize for everything and then he would tell me how he was hanging out with girls and that he wasn’t mine anymore. He blocked me on everything I can’t text, or message him on fb so I cut all communications with him.
You think he would ever come back or should I just move on and let him be?
MM
February 11, 2014 at 7:06 am
Also, I’ve failed to mention that I have done the desperate thing and went on rant in text while arguing with him, and since then called him way more than I want to admit. Sorry for the long message btw!
MM
February 11, 2014 at 6:55 am
Hi there,
Basically I was in a relationship with my best friend for almost a year, but we ended it in December on his terms. We got off to a bit of an unconventional start because I was not looking to be in a relationship especially since there were only three months left in our senior year, but somehow I fell for him anyway and we ended up dating. Thing is, I’m the type of person that likes to plan ahead and be in control of situations; however, whenever I would broach the subject of what his ideas were about us come college, he would always be elusive. I took that as a sign of him not really wanting to invest in anything which is fine, I just wish he would outright say it.
Come the end of August, we had a major fight where he basically said he wishes we could be together but he didn’t think it would work, so I in turn acted emotionally and concluded the break up while pushing him away. To this day, he remembers this fight. Fast forward version of the next couple of months is us bickering about said fight and a slew of on-and-off moments where he would not communicate efficiently and I would be too demanding of it. There have been heated exchanges where I unfortunately called him a coward that he is scarred of to this day as well. Finally in December on Christmas Eve, he said he made up his mind that we shouldn’t be together but still wanted to hear my opinions on the matter, which i again thought was absurd so I pushed him away again.
After several talks and arguments, we ended up parting and copulating on more or less good terms before he left to college again. Thankfully, by this time I got my crap together and let him do his own thing especially since I was busy myself. However, he then started demanding we have meaningful conversations again and not the half-hearted pleasantries we can spare 3 minutes for. Basically I gave him what he wanted, and I should note, I tended to give up the power in a relationship just in order to resolve a conflict. I also told him I didn’t want to hold him back in the beginning of college so he could go hook up with other girls as long as he told him about it, neither of us ever pushed it though.
Somehow, we decided to develop a “game plan” of how we would use a certain amount of time to reflect on ourselves and then come to terms with what we want and if we’re capable of accepting the other’s faults. I took the time and learned I was fully for him. He on the other hand said felt lonely being so far away due to the distance, and although things were improving (I wasn’t as mean in our fights, and he tried to communicate more openly) he didn’t want to rush into it since we broke up in December for a reason. Note he still said he loves me and everything at this point.
Okay understandable, but all of a sudden he decides to make it ten years into the future which honestly to me is kind of outrageous. So, we have a few talks of how I disagree with him and so forth and he says he isn’t ready for any relationship, nor has the time, or funding for one; and if it’s okay, could he be my friend. I said if you can manage it, fine but I’m still angry at the situation and you’re not allowed to flirt with me or try anything. It works out for a few weeks where I ask him for advice on guys i become interested in, and he said it was okay with him for me to go out with them on dates and get involved.
The other day, we come across another talk about our breakup since he didn’t know any couples that came to mind that made long-distance work, so I named one of our friends and he went on to compare how the gf leaves the bf cute things. So I take the initiative, but get no appreciation for it or a response. Can I just say that I do try to be supportive and caring and kind to him but every time I do, it’s never reciprocated or acknowledged? So I had it that time and just blew up saying how he manipulated me and lied about his truth intent for the break-up, how he just wanted to hook up with others girls since he compares all the time how I get asked out by random men and have a plethora of opportunities.
He responds emotionless how he no longer loves me, and other of spite, I say how I made another guy I was dating casually cum in his pants while being fully clothed and not doing anything sexual while the guy played it off cool (whereas my ex was really embarrassed when it happened to him.) I didn’t think it would matter since he said he didn’t care about what i did with guys, but it did. Immensely. He flipped out completely and I had never seen him so angry before. He said he hated me, wants me to die alone, and called me whore that lied about my relationship with the guy. Ironically, what he failed to mention the day before on the phone when he called about not being able to come visit this week on v-day for a surprise was that he took another girl out on a date. To me it’s pretty hypocritical, but to him my deed was worse.
So I guess my question is, what do you recommend I do? I do care about him still and would like to make it work, and even if it takes time to build a romantic relationship, I would like to maintain a friendship for now. Especially because I’m supposed to be visiting him for a program at his college on the 28th and I don’t want any negative feelings. Help? (sorry it’s so long!)
admin
February 11, 2014 at 6:21 pm
I think you should do whats best for you in the long run. Whether thats him or someone else that is something you really need to sit down and figure out.
MM
February 13, 2014 at 1:15 am
Thank you for answering. Do you think it would be a good idea to try to maintain some sort of friendship with him? Honestly, I would like to maintain a romantic relationship with him but I don’t think he is capable of any long distance commitment so that’s out of the question, especially after the things he said. Do you think there is any hope for either?
admin
February 14, 2014 at 2:59 am
It’s up to you.
Personally anyone I have dated I have trouble being friends with if a relationship ends.
MM
February 15, 2014 at 4:52 pm
Do you think the romantic relationship is worth pursuing? Honestly, I just want to understand why he’s so angry.
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:40 pm
Only ifyou think it will benefit you in the long run.
MM
February 17, 2014 at 5:35 pm
Thank you so much!
HJ
February 10, 2014 at 4:13 am
hey Chris, yes i agree w you completely on not contacting you a guy you broke up with. I think my ex is dating someone new and i couldnt believe it bc it was only after a couple weeks after our break up. He says he still loves me and said im one of the important person in his world. Our dating history is quite uncommon becuz we were not able to spend time together as long as we want. I am a korean and living in korea and of course he is a guy in the states who i met in my college. We really loved each other but the timing wasnt great.
What do you think? i wish i could go there to see him.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:39 pm
So, you two are in a long distance relationship?