Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

Anomaly

February 27, 2015 at 11:25 pm

Hi Chris,

I need help.
My boyfriend had not broken up with me,
he just never seems to want to make plans or spend time with me any more…

I have tried the no contact rule. I can’t do it.
I just can’t. I have such a hard time with it.

HELP! WHAT do I do? I’ve tried the not talking to him, I’ve tried hanging out with friends to get it off my mind…

I don’t know what to do. He is always so busy, he doesn’t treat me well, he always sounds angry when I call and talk to him, or hassled.

I just… don’t know what to do.

He also doesn’t want to talk to me about stuff going on.

HELP!

Anomaly
Crazy

February 27, 2015 at 10:44 pm

Embarrassingly enough, what if you’ve done so much harassing that you’ve been blocked from sending texts, phone calls, and emails? Even an uninvited appearance. Basically I’ve done everything that you’re REALLY not supposed to do.

Throw in the towel I guess?
gin

February 25, 2015 at 8:30 pm

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago, he said he has no feeling for me. We’ve been in long distance relationship for 4 years. Maybe 2014 not really the best year for us. We’ve been down for awhile i am tired of ldr. But in the last 2014 i am accept it again, starting to love him again and i fall in love with him with all my heart! The relationship working normal BUT in the last january 2015 he start to change. Cold. Not so responsive to me. Start keeping distance and play fun with his mate. Not replying my text even answer my call. I get upset and angry. Til one day he answer my call and said he has no feeling for me.
I try not to beg on him. After we met i play it cold to him, accept the break-up and walk away. But i think it is wrong so i message him the day later and said ‘can we still be friend? I am sorry for what i did yesterday. I want to explain something. Can we meet in sunday?’ He reply, ‘sure we can be friend, do you want to be make me your enemy? I am sorry not on sunday, maybe monday?’
because i will go to another town on monday i said, ‘lol even went to see me it’s been the heavier things for you right? :)’ and he replied, ‘not like that, the traffic in sunday so freaking bad.’ And i said, ‘no prob…maybe we can meet someday. I am busy from monday. Thank you because you still want to be my friend.’
When i am go travel in the monday i feel blaze! After the bad break up i start to enjoying myself. I posted a picture of how awesome my journey for 5 days. And i think he saw it from media social. When i end and go back home in the second week after broke up i start message him, ‘hi there how you doing?’
‘Fine everything fine, hbu?’
‘Fine too in here. I just remember you when i watching this hunger games movie. We laugh when we suppose to be sad lol’
‘For sure? Hahahahaha’
‘Yea.’
He not replied again so i want to move on. BUT the stupidity of me start again. In the third week after break up i write him a letter,
‘Hi there,
I just want you to know when i said i want to meet you in the monday i want to apology about my behaviour. I get mad and upset and sad feeling to be whole package. But now i accept the truth that you want to break up. Maybe this relationship were not for us for this time. Or maybe i am not the best for you 🙂
You will be my bestfriend forever :)’
I capture it and send via IM.
AND HE NOT REPLY! When i send it he direct to read it.
i know i go wrong 🙁 but is he think i am desperate? What he thinking for now? Should i NC him? For how long? How i am suppose to contact him after NC? fyi i am desperate and want to bring him back. Please i need your reply 🙁

admin

March 1, 2015 at 5:52 pm

Yes, do the no contact rule for 30 days exactly.

Alisha

February 25, 2015 at 7:42 pm

hello..i and my ex of two years were in a long distance relationship..we were damn serious for each other..we have face lots of up downs..but always got back together..
5 months ago we brokup cause he had no time for me and he used to lie about everythng..
after 2 months i approched him and asked for patchup..he refused but i knew he was stil in love with me..
then after a month he came to meet me but as i was angry i was ignoring him and used to spend more time with my friends instead of being with him..
bt after four days i realised my mistake nd met him..he said he was angy but loves me alot..
after spending beautiful four days together, he went to his state again..
but after reaching there he has changed.. he wants me to b in his life but dont wante as a gf..nd treating me like shit..he says he will talk to me whenever he want..whenever i ask for patchup, he always being so rude..
i make 100 of calls in one day but he nevr picks up..nd never replys to my texts..he wants me to move on..but i feel he says that because of frustration..
i cry all day and night..dont even eat properly.
how can i get back with him
will nc rule work?
i am very depresed ..please help..
bewildered

February 24, 2015 at 11:52 pm

Hi Chris,

I did NC for 30 days (in which my ex did not try to contact me at all), I sent him a single text using a “meme” last night……and nothing. How long do I wait before trying again? Are there other things I should be doing? I know from a mutual friend that he asked how I was doing (she said “great!”). thanks…..

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:26 pm

What was the meme?

Hannah

February 24, 2015 at 4:39 pm

So 3 days ago, my ex (we dates for 6 months) broke up with me because he felt he didn’t love me anymore. I’m really upset because he used to be so in love with me and I still love him
He has no intentions of getting back with me or getting with anyone else
We’re on good terms, we’re talking as friends, but he keeps telling me I’ll get over him or I’ll find someone better, when we talk he says he feels guilty and hurt but doesn’t show any signs of missing me
But he’s always still putting kisses to me occaisonally and calling me “sweetheart”, but he might just be doing that with everyone, I’m not sure
I don’t know what to do, I’m giving him and myself space, I’m going to try and follow the no contact rule, but will this work?
But I miss him so much, I want him to love me again
What should I do? Or should I just let go?

Also, I’m going to have to meet up with him soon to return his hoodie, is there anything I should say or do?

jassy

February 26, 2015 at 3:59 am

He puts kisses because he still loves you and cares about you, he’s just not quite in love with you anymore as his girlfriend. He cares about both of you to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

Accept this fact and move on. It’s okay to feel sad and hurt, and it’s okay to show this when/if you see him. He will see that you’re a loving person and this is whom he broke up with for who-knows-what-else. You will see him for the boyfriend that didn’t want you anymore for who-knows-why and hopefully realize that the break-up isn’t entirely a reflection of your flaws but a reflection of two people clashing somewhere enough to prompt a split. In time, you’ll be able to fall out of love with him and appreciate that you didn’t wind up marrying the wrong guy. =)

Radhika

February 24, 2015 at 8:26 am

So, my boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. Both of us really loved each other, but we were highly insecure which led to a hell lot of fights. But, we never gave up on the relationship. He’s in my class. Suddenly, last year, he broke up with me and wished to do the friends with benefits thing. Initially I agreed, but later on I wanted him back and I ended up calling him a 100 times a day and texting like crazy. He blocked me everywhere, but after a month, he agreed to come back. However, he was unnaturally mean to me, started lying to me about major things and would threaten a break up after every fight. About more than a month ago, he broke up with me again, I begged the first couple of days, but since then I haven’t asked him to come back. But, I have done is forced him to remain friends with me and keep texting me. I end up interrogating him if he doesn’t reply and start calling him after every fight. We still hang out after college everyday and we have hooked up a few times, but I miss him. He doesn’t seem to be bothered if I don’t reply and he seems to have moved on. I’m still here thinking about him day and night. What do I do ? I miss us. College is also about to end, so I don’t even have much time to convince him and I’ve already broken all the desperate ex rules.

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:46 pm

Have you listened to my FWB podacst?

Valerie

February 23, 2015 at 3:44 am

So my ex boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Everything’s been great but 2 weeks ago he told me he wanted time for himself so we broke up. He’s 21 so I know he’s at the party stage but everything has been great up until then. To be honest, both of us don’t even go out to parties much. Lately though, after the break up he’s been going out. He told me he was young and still wanted to have fun. And then he tells me he’s afraid of making a commitment to me. I’m just confused. That’s not his first time saying that to me. The first time he told me he was afraid to commit we had a talk and took a quick break. He came back to me a few days later and told me he was ready for a serious relationship. I just don’t get why he went back on his words. 2 years together and now he wants to back out? This past week we’ve just been arguing. He ended it and said he was done. He said he didn’t want to talk to me or be with me anymore but when I talked to him a couple days ago he said he still cared. He just keeps telling me he cares and he doesn’t know why I think he doesn’t care. But if he still cares then why is he doing this and why is he not with me? That’s what I ask myself. I’ve asked him what does him telling me he cares mean? All he says is he doesn’t know. He can’t give me a clear answer. I still love him and i really did believe he was the one and i was ready to spend my life with him. The real question is do you think its worth implementing the NC rule here? Or is this relationship a failed one judging from everything?

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:40 pm

I absolutely think its worth implementing!
Valerie

February 24, 2015 at 7:13 pm

So just an update. I was planning to start the NC rule but he contacted me the night I posted this. Before he contacted me I agreed not to text him or contact him then all of a sudden he messages me out of the blue. He’s been texting me lately and while we were talking he told me he hopes that I don’t get the idea that we’re going to get back together yet, he tells me right after that he still cares and feels a connection. I’m just so confused. I don’t know what this guy wants. He says he’ll talk to me later tonight after he gets off work but honestly, I’m at the point where I just am too tired to put up with him. He obviously doesn’t know what he wants and I can’t deal with that. I just wanted to say though, thanks a whole bunch for the advice and this website! 🙂 Lol. It has opened my eyes and really helped me realize maybe this isn’t the right choice.

Eli

February 22, 2015 at 5:45 pm

I am in desperate need of help on how to get my ex to give me a new opportunity. We were dating for 2 months, got together and were together for 1 year and a half exactly. We live in different cities about 30 mins away from eachother. He is 20 and I’m 19. I know we’re both young but we’re very mature for our ages. Everything was going great, he gave me a promise ring, we got a puppy together and we were the perfect couple. The last months were a bit rough due to me being stressed about not finding a job so i was stuck at home and i felt like I wasn’t getting enough attention from him. Exactly on the day that we turned 1 year and 6 months, i was really angry at him because he hadnt even called or came to visit me after his work, he had only texted me. I was so angry because i had talked to him about how i felt so i called him and we argued and out of anger i broke up with him. Two days later he came to get his things and we talking about how we still loved eachother and we were gonna give some time to think about the situation. After that he kept our puppy and we would talk here and there, then he got offended over something i said on social media that it wasn’t even about him. So he set distance. It has been exactly two months that we’ve been broken up and now that I have a job and put together i see everything so differently. I want him back, i know his feelings can’t be gone that fast. I texted him about a week ago and we talked about how he got offended and i apologized. I told him that i wanted us to be there for eachother and that i wanted another try. He said that he is not over me, but he’d be too busy for what i demand. (He started playing football so he’s at practice everyday) I tried to explain that I’ve changed ny perspectice on that and that i dont wanna go back to the old, but instead build something better stronger, but i feel like i can’t get my message across through text. I think he might be angry, hurt and scared and that’s why he is putting up a wall. I want to get through him and I want to meet him in person to see his reaction and body languague. But i don’t know how to ask him to come down here without sounding desperate or scaring him away.

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:14 pm

Be careful about pressing to see him in person too soon.

Mia

February 22, 2015 at 3:14 pm

PLEASE SOMEONE READ THIS AND HELP ME.I never usually leave any comments on any pages, but I am going through a break up and it’s very hard and I know that even though there are millions of different stories that could sound similar to mine, I won’t get a 100% correct ‘ walk-through ‘ on how to deal with this, because every person is different and deals with things differently. I really want anyone and everyone to try and help me decide what to do, because it’s so hard to think straight at this time, as I am very heartbroken and I am at the stage where I feel like randomly going and seeing him because I miss him so much but I know I shouldn’t do things like that, cause usually people only get freaked out by that… Anyway we were together from July 1st, 2014 until about beginning of February ( I curse this month cause this is the month my heart got truly broken ). Anywho, the way he describes it is ( which is true ) that the first say 3 months or so were basically without fights and then the last 3-4 months have been me getting mad everyday and blowing up over stupid little things ( I admit it’s true, almost everyday for 3-4 months I got mad for stupid things) I think the reason to that was because I started taking it for granted how nice he was being with me so I started getting mad for every little thing that people normally don’t even think to get mad about. I promised to him before that I’ll stop getting mad and I never did, the thing is, it all didn’t hit me how stupid I was acting until the day he decided to end it. Actually his last ‘ straw ‘ was going to be us being on a break from beginning of February till about the 13th, he said we shouldn’t talk or see each other in hopes of me being able to calm down and stop blowing up over everything. I got mad that he wanted a break ( he never truly wanted one, that was his last straw to try and make everything okay ) anywho I got mad because he said we should have a break and about a day or so into our break I texted him saying I want to break up ( out of anger, because I missed him and I was mad that I wasn’t going go see him for over a week, since we always saw each other all of the time ) and I was missing him like crazy so I said I wanted to break up he asked me if I was sure like 3 times I said yes but I never actually meant it. Then I said I wanted to talk in person so he came to pick me up and broke up with me I told him I was just mad cause I was missing him ( I threatened him a lot before about break ups cause I was being stupid and didn’t contain myself from saying things that I don’t mean and things that I regret, sometimes in the middle of the night if we were fighting I’d leave his house and maybe come back or just go to my house and sleep, and before we broke up I told him that he doesn’t know how to treat a nice girl like me and that maybe he needs to be with a shitty girl like one of his ex’s etc. ) I said it all out of anger and I’m the one who obviously doesn’t know how to be nice to a good guy 🙁 well I DO know how, but I was being stupid and he said he had enough and that he gave me many chances and that the damage is done, that it’s too late now, doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It has been almost 3 weeks since the break up and the longest that we haven’t talked was about 3 days. Other than that I keep messaging him and he responds back but he never wants to talk, he tells me to move on and find happiness find someone else etc. but I know he doesn’t always respond to my text because he is mad about what happened, and I guess cause he’s trying to move on and stuff. He said to me before that I have everything he’s looking for etc. and how can you suddenly just stop talking to someone, it’s not a switch I can’t just move on, I cry pretty much everyday… He agreed to see me on Tuesday, Feb 24th… I told him I want to apologize in person ( I also want to give him the Valentine’s Day gift even though we broke up before the holiday ), anyway I said I wanted to apologize in person and that I want to ask some questions about us, to clarify some things ( like for example to ask if he ever wants to be with me again at any point etc. ) and he said ” Alright but I’m sure you already know the answers, don’t worry we’ll still go for coffee “. And way before that conversation happened ( about basically couple days after the break up) when I asked him ” do you believe that if you truly love someone that at some point or time you end up coming back to them?” His exact response was ” possibly anything could happen I just know that right now I just can’t be with you “. But I’m afraid to leave him alone because im afraid he’ll think I don’t care and then move on to someone else. And today ( Feb 22nd ) I messaged him and now he is completely ignoring me and the last text I sent was ” Alright… If that’s what you truly want with all of your heart, I can leave you alone.” he didn’t say anything…. And I know he won’t…. What do I do???? I love him a lot and I care for him a lot, we have both done things for each other to show care and we always were loving towards each other and because I got mad for too long he thinks that we’re not right for each other but I told him many times that I realize what I did wrong and that I don’t WANT to fight anymore, I truly don’t, I know it’s a shame I realize it now and I know it mustve hurt him a lot everytime that I’ve threatened to break up with him but I never meant it I really love him a lot but I feel like I should leave him alone after I see him on Tuesday and maybe one day, in months or in years… He’ll want to talk again if he happens to be single…… What do I do? 🙁 also he said before he doesn’t want a relationship for a while and also said if for example were not together for like 6 months or so, to not expect him to come back, says don’t wait around for me etc. 🙁

Mia

February 24, 2015 at 1:44 am

So can someone answer this? Please!
admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:28 pm

Sure, be more specific though?
Mia

March 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm

I bought your book, I’ve been reason it but I feel hopeless…. So now he deleted me off snapchat I believe. There were tons of pending pictures to be opened from when we were together that I sent him and he never opened them, except for a few on Feb 27th I believe, and then a few days ago he just deleted me off snapchat. I still have him on facebook. I got on an app called tinder cause my friend talked me into it trying to help me ‘ move on ‘ because it doesn’t seem like he wants anything to do with me. I also saw him on that dating site as well. Anyway I don’t know what to do I am losing all of my hope. Last time I texted him was exactly 2 weeks ago which he ignored. I am losing hope… Please tell me what to do!!!
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:21 pm

Hi Mia, sorry for the late response.

You have been in NC and this process is still so early that it’s too early for you to be losing hope.
Mia

February 28, 2015 at 12:18 pm

Please help me! He said to my friend the other day that he’s ignoring me because anything he says will give me hope, so he’s saying to her that he doesn’t want to give me hope…..
Mia

February 24, 2015 at 11:39 pm

What exactly would you like to know? Oh and by the way, he has been ignoring me for the past couple of days, I decided to stop messaging him as of Sunday ( so today is only the second day of NC for me ) we’ve been broken up for 3 weeks now and he doesn’t want to talk anymore, also we were supposed to meet on Tuesday which is today, I decided not to message him because he has ignored my last couple of messages, and he never messaged me about today either ( even though he said he was okay with going for a coffee ) unless he has amnesia, I’m sure he didn’t forget about the plan, just doesn’t want to go ahead with it, I feel like completely giving up and just not talking to him anymore, it hurts a lot and I miss him a lot. Can’t believe after 7 months it’s just done….. Would it be okay if I started NC now and if he doesn’t message me and if we both happen to be single let’s say in the summertime, would it be okay for me to ask him to go say swimming or something?

Lisa

February 21, 2015 at 9:10 pm

Hi, its been 4 months since my relationship of 2 yrs ended because my boyfriend is passing trough a tough time in his life. He has 2 demanding jobs, his head is always full of things to do, he just dont have the time to do anything he loves, like piano classes, soccer with his friends, therapy, etc. He was very unhappy for a while when we broke up and I was unhappy too because he wouldnt have time for me too and when we where together he was always bored and tired. I was always there for him, but one day I started crying because i wasnt sure if he still wanted to be with me. But I always said I understand his problems and ai would be there for him. He said he couldnt be with me or anybody because his life was a mess, he was making me unhappy etc and the he was breaking up with me but loved till the moon and back and that his idea was to get his life in place and come back to me after that. He litteraly said “your are my soulmate, I hope i will call in 2 monthd saying everything is ok and we will be together”. Its been 4 months. He called me sometimes in this period, we had gret times together, went to parties together, laughed a lot, we get along sooo well. Two weeks ago we had a conversation where he said to me he considers himself an unhappy person, he cant leave his jobs but hates both and just wants a vacation and time to do everything he loves but cant. I was sad and worried. But I still love him and I miss him too much. He lives in my building – he moved here to be closer to me – and that makes everything more difficult. A few days ago I broke down and obviously ended in his apartament crying, saying I was feeling lonely and afraid I would miss him forever. He literally : “I cant date anyone now. Nor you or anyone else. I dont want to. You should not care about me and I should not care about you”. That was devastating, and also made me feel so needy and ridiculous. And he lives in my building , I always know when hes home or not, and for No Contact Rule, OMG, thats tough. What should I do? Do you think engage in NC could make him miss me? Its not like hes ignoring me, he always texts me, but hes been more distant each day and I had this break down few days ago… His mom is in town and called me cause she wants to see me… What do I do? Is there hope for me??

admin

February 22, 2015 at 5:20 pm

I do think engaging in NC will make him miss you.

xm

February 20, 2015 at 11:18 pm

So my problem is a little complicated and I do not know how I should respond to it. Well I met this guy in a class we became friends and started talking, he sort of asked my out while we were talking on skype. I was so much into him and since he was such a smarty pants he knew that. So we kissed and got a little physical then I started doing his graduation thesis for him as a favor. After that it seems like he was taking me for granted. He blocked me from all the social media sites and would never actually take me out on a real date and would only meet me for 5 to 10 minutes in his car to makeout or sometimes talk. The day his half of the thesis was submitted he said he was never my boyfriend and I should drop the act. I was highly offended and I cried my eyes out. After that when our next college semester started and he needed to complete his final thesis and wanted a few projects from me he told me that we are going out again. But this time I refused to do any work for him or lend him any of my A grade projects. He still kept on being sweet to me but one day he cracked and said you’re not even doing my thesis which means you’re not the same person that you were before so I am done with you. I am a very stupid person and due to many reasons I wanted him to stay in my life because I used to feel alone all the time. I asked him to stay and he refused, I asked a friend to talk to him and he told her that there was nothing between the two of us ever. So he basically denied of ever being with me. I felt embarrassed and heartbroken and stopped talking to him but I kept texting him saying how mean he is. So one day he called me up and said sorry but that is not what I wanted, I wanted him to come back in my life despite everything but didnt tell him that. After that day I didnt contact him at all but a part of me is still in love with him despite everything I know I’m a fool but still. I keep crying and keep wishing he comes back though I know the truth that he didnt actually ever liked me. Do you think he will come back to me? I havent contacted him for a week now.

admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:17 pm

Impossible to say for sure but I think you got a chance if you stick to the game plans here.

Ashley

February 20, 2015 at 5:40 pm

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for going on 11 years. We actually wore wedding bands to represent our commitment. Over the years we have gotten into arguments where he will drop off the face of the earth and then re-appear. We have talked about this and he had gotten better. He doesn’t seem to be able to communicate when he is angry and he does have some mental health issue…sometimes I’ve even thought anti-social personality disorder. Recently, he walked out of his job. We had an argument over this where I probably pushed too far. However, I was becoming quite upset as he has a history of doing this and it has a big financial impact on the family (I work). I thought we resolved things and he was going to cool down. When I left the house and came back home, most of his clothes were gone. I did text and call like crazy the first few days; however, I have been trying to hold back. I haven’t said anything in several days. I believe he is staying with a cousin about 2 hours away and visiting with friends. I did see on Facebook he removed his ring. Its been a total of two weeks that he has been gone with zero communication on his part. What are the chances of this relationship surviving?

admin

February 21, 2015 at 12:00 am

Seriously, wedding bands eh.

Have you ever tried anything like the NC rule before?
Ashley

February 20, 2015 at 5:42 pm

Adding to this it is difficult to not want to send any messages as we share bills, etc with living together. His cell phone is in my name. We have shared accounts etc.

Alissa

February 18, 2015 at 12:04 am

My ex and I broke up a little over a year ago. We spent most of our 4 years in a long distance relationship because he was in the Marines. I think we did pretty darn well. However, one deployment he started acting weird. He wouldn’t tell me why and I respected that until he brought home an attitude. It was like I didn’t mean much to him and I was the last thought to go through his mind. I tried to talk to him, and will admit I got emotional, but he just sat their like a mute. We eventually moved on, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the end of my concerns. I went to visit him a month or so later and everything was great! It was the best time I had visiting him. However, when I came back home to school things weren’t the same. He used to be so good at making me feel special. I loved and trusted him with all my heart and I know he did with me too. So when things changed I snapped. I was emotional and I couldn’t handle not being with him to help him in his difficult situation with the Marines and him not being Robert anymore. We tried a “break”, but we didn’t really establish rules so it didn’t work the way I had in mind. I went to Florida with family and during that time we were taking our “break”. When I got back he text me and asked how Florida was. I remember being SO excited. However, eventually I tried to bring up the things that bothered me and again he did not really respond, so I made the decision to break up. Overall it was a mutual decision, but I was a wreck. I HATE feeling like I went crazy over this. We didn’t see each other most of the time so why should I care? I guess it is true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Anyways, we semi-talked the week after to talk without emotions. He said some stuff that really hurt me, but in the end I knew he was just trying to hurt me for the break up because he was mad. I met up with his mom a few weeks later to give her some of his things. She even started to cry about the situation and told me that she doesn’t think her son realizes what a catch I am, which I will admit made me feel better 😉

He continued on with the Marines for another year or so. We actually talked via Facebook for a week back and forth while he was deployed and it felt great! It felt normal. I really tried not to get my hopes up about us trying things again when he got done with the Marines, but I think deep down that is what I really wanted. A lot of my friends even said “Alissa, I just don’t think this is the end for you two.” I know they would have told me the truth, so I think I started to believe it wasn’t really the end. One of his friends had been a friend of mine as well and a month or so after the break up I brought up some stuff about my ex and she said “Alissa, he has been over it for a long time. You just need to get over it.” I was ready to beat the crap out of this girl. I understood her being on his side more than mine because they had been friends for a really long time, yet she was still supposed to be my friend. In November this past year Robert invited her to the Marine Corps Ball. It didn’t affect me until she flaunted all the pictures over Facebook. If the situation were reversed I wouldn’t have done that to her since I considered her a friend.

He came back to Wisconsin the end of November. We had been snap chatting a little bit here and there. That was really the only form of communication he had initiated with me. He began to like a few pictures on Facebook and Instagram, which he really hadn’t since the break up. It made me smile knowing that he still noticed.

He invited me to his welcome home party a few weeks after he got back. I was a little shocked actually. He didn’t initiate conversation with me really, but he wanted to invite me to a social event? One of my friends said of course he has to invite you. If anything I think being an ex is a reason not to invite someone. I decided to go partly because I really missed his parents, but of course I wanted to see him too. I didn’t even really talk to him for the first 20 minutes after I arrived because I was talking with his family. When he finally approached me it was slightly awkward. I brought him a gift and we had a very dull conversation. I felt like the entire night he tried to ignore whatever group I was with, which was fine because no matter what I was having fun. As I was about to leave with one of his girl friends I asked him “so any big plans now that you are home?” He proceeds to tell me he wants to move to San Diego. I had actually heard that from a friend of his awhile ago so it really didn’t shock me, but I was so confused after that point. I hugged my ex and he gave me a look that he only used to give me, once again leaving me so confused. I hugged his mom goodbye and she whispered “I love you” in my ear (I was like the daughter she never had) and that’s when I kind of lost it.

I went out to my car and called a friend. She told me I needed to talk to him. He was screwing with my head and it wasn’t fair to me. I agreed and text him asking if he would come out. He came out immediately. I had no idea how to go about the conversation, but I did know I refused to cry (and I didn’t!). I primarily wanted to know where his head was at since I did not know how to read him anymore. He said that he didn’t think he is the guy for me because what is the point of starting a relationship if he plans on moving. I understood his point of view, but part of me also believes he said it because he doesn’t want a commitment, which I also understand. I really don’t want a commitment either and to be quite honest he talks the talk about moving but I don’t think it will happen. Even his friend in the Marines doesn’t think it will happen. If it does it will be a short time, but who knows. Robert was never good at admitting his true feelings to me especially in the moment. Then he said something that would set me off. He said his friends had been saying I badmouthed him. I flipped. His friends contacted me for the longest time, especially through snapchats. At the beginning I will admit I asked if I was the only one to see changes in Robert because he had gone through a lot during one of his deployments and I thought I wasn’t supportive enough and just gave up on us. But I will defend this to my dying day that I NEVER badmouthed him and especially to his friends! I am not that stupid. All hell had broke loose at this point. I brought up the fact that he took his best female friend to the Ball and that it looked like they might be together. He told me absolutely not and that he had gotten the question a million times from other people. I actually believe him. They have been friends for a really long time and this girl just really likes attention. I was a little outspoken with my feelings about this girl at this point because I had gotten really mad, which probably wasn’t my best decision. I told my mom the story the next day and she agreed I should delete this girl from my life (Facebook, Instagram, my phone, etc). Almost simultaneously I had gotten a text from her saying she didn’t like people assuming things about her friendship with my ex. She completely bitched me out and I didn’t respond, but I did text my ex. He did tell me to text him the day after his party when my thoughts were more clear (like why tell me to text you?). I was so mad at him for telling this girl what I had said. Even though we were broken up I still trusted him. He never responded to my lengthy text. I basically said thank you for inviting me to your party and thanks for wanting to be friends, but if this is what I have to put up with I don’t need it. I was really mad at him. I didn’t actually mean it. I think this was the final straw for me. Since then we haven’t talked. I wished him a happy birthday and he responded thanks Alissa, but that was it. I have really tried to stick with the “no contact”. As time has gone on I go back and think did I screw up any chance we may have had? I am not trying to hold on, I don’t want to think about the situation, but yet I somehow deep down have hope. Even though he made me so angry, a part of me will always love him. Given that we ended so mutually I really didn’t think it was the end. I just want it to seem like my ex was affected by the breakup. He really acted like it was no big deal, which I know is a guy thing and especially a soldier thing, but it is hard to grasp. I don’t want to be the first one to initiate contact after these past few months, but I don’t know if he will ever talk to me like a friend again after my last text which kind of scares me. He claimed the night of his party he wanted to be friends, but I don’t know if he meant it. During our conversation via Facebook he responded really quickly and actually kept the conversation going. I don’t know if he missed it or what, but I was surprised because there are times where he can be socially awkward.

I am sorry for the novel here. I have wanted to get everything out in the open. I feel bad always bringing it up to my friends. They probably think I am a freak who can’t get over this guy. He was my first boyfriend and first love. No matter what happens I will always remember us. I care too much sometimes and I just hurt and it doesn’t help to just go with the flow. After getting some help after the breakup I changed a lot. More so, I started to exercise a lot more and change my wardrobe in order to become more confident and feel like me again. It felt great! I will admit to being an emotional girl, and I am afraid that I did not have that under control at the end of our relationship and during the last time we talked. I know no one can tell me what the future will bring, but maybe some insight as to where you think his mind is at? The most I have interpreted is that he doesn’t want a commitment and he just doesn’t know what he wants in life. I mean he has been gone from civilian life for 4 years. All he wants to do is party it up, which I get to a point. I am also concerned about his well-being though with all that he is drinking. Is it possible to still get back together even after a few more years when we have both done our own thing?

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:39 pm

No problem!

You can feel safe bringing it up here!

May I ask how old he is?

Ashley

February 17, 2015 at 10:52 pm

Hi!

My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. And it was one of those random out of the blue break ups. All he said was “I don’t think we are best for each other.” He had also blocked me on social media sites and all that. So I read one of those relationship books on how to get your ex back.. Blah blah blah. And I followed the steps to a T. It actually honestly helped, because now I feel so much confident and I know where I had went wrong in the relationship. When I finally contacted my ex again, he didn’t respond. I tried a couple times after that, just kind of asking him to meet up with me. And he still continued to ignore me. I finally got fed up with waiting to see if he would actually agree to hear me out, so I am going to shamefully admit I did send him a lay it all out on the line letter. In a way I regret it, because I was just being impatient. But instead of doing nothing, and throwing it away or texting me and saying something about it, he returned it to me on my front door. Is there any insight as to what that means? I didn’t come off as desperate in the letter, I didn’t confess my love or beg for him back or anything like that. Granted I know after reading the article in some ways I probably did, and I shouldn’t have sent it haha. I am just curious as to why would he be so headset on ignoring me when the circumstances of our relationship did not end because of cheating etc. It doesn’t make sense how he can go from saying I am the love of his life to acting like I am charred meat in a garbage disposal! Is there any advice you could give me?

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Have you read my article on men falling out of love?
Ashley

February 19, 2015 at 8:02 am

Yes! I just did. And it makes sense, our break up was so sudden. I know people fall out of love, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t happen that fast. We were fine one night, and then the next we weren’t and broke up just a few days later. I have a pretty good idea of why it happened. I was just hoping I didn’t completely blow my chances when I acted impulsively and desperate by sending that lay it all out on the line letter, because that’s not who I am at all and he knows that. I believe a big part of it was I got a little too confident at the end of no contact, so I was being impatient when he was ignoring every attempt. Any insight?

Emma

February 17, 2015 at 11:37 am

Hello,

This article has been so helpful! As most readers, I wonder if you would have any insight into my current situation.

Been dating for 4 months. See each other weekly (he lives one hour away) and spent NYE together. Last contact from him was on Thursday; guy was super excited for valentines, being very romantic, loving and sent me a ‘Goodnight xxxxxxxxxxxxxx’ message.

Ignored me Friday. I called him 20 times, called up hospitals. Finally responded “I will call later”.

Turned his phone off all of Saturday but finally texted me again on Saturday night (I know I know I shouldn’t have pestered him with calls/messages but I was worried) saying he is ok, nothing is wrong from my side, sorry, and he doesn’t want to talk.

Where does this put me? I’ve ignored him for 2 days now. But this isn’t even an explicit break up. From swooning over me to ignoring me overnight?!

Any help would be appreciated!
Nvincible

February 17, 2015 at 12:16 am

Good evening,
I don’t know how to begin this comment.
Name is B. My ex name is Ivan. We were in a interracial relationship (black & hispanic) and we were dating for nearly 2 months. I haven’t spoken to him since January 18. Since that day I have sent text messages emails, FB messages and called him from Different phone numbers(blocked). He has ignored every form of contact mentioned in this post as well as read all emails and Fb messages I’ve sent to him since the breakup but never replies. I am uncertain whether If I would ever hear from again after having started the NC today and am looking forward to continuing along the NC rule for sometime. Thank you for reading

admin

February 17, 2015 at 12:42 pm

Ok, you are venturing into scary territory when you are calling him from different phone numbers.
Nvincible

February 17, 2015 at 4:03 pm

Do I have any chance of a possible second chance at love again?

Cec

February 16, 2015 at 2:48 pm

Hello,
I really would need some advice on my situation because I really dont know if im going correct about this.. Sorry in advance but its going to be a long post.

My boyfriend who I have been with since a year broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We are in a kind of long distance (during the 1 year, in total was with him 5-6 months), so he calls me and tells me he want to be honest with me and dont want to kidd me, say that we have to live seperate lives, that he doesn’t feel the same way about me, that he doesn’t have the desire to see me as he did before. He told me that he feels I’m more involved in him that he with me and that we are not on the same page. He said that he knows what he is loosing and how much but he came to this decision. He told me I’m an amazing person and that I deserve a person that gives me as much as I give him… The break up is so out of the blue like, the day and days before he was sweet and loving.. (sometimes a bit distant at the end but always worked it out). During the conversation I was shocked and cried a bit and told him I didnt understand and that i wanted another chance.. He said its not about chance but feelings… Also asked him if he met someone but he said no (“you are already a lot”). Anyway I had to go because I was on the way to work and he propose that we could have another conversation the next day but that the situation is the same.

So the next day we skyped again and asked for the reasons for this, I asked him how long was he thinking of that and he said for 1 or 2 weeks that he tought a lot but took his decison few hours before he called me the day before. We talked for about 40min and said that he dont have the spark anymore and doesnt love me as he should love his girlfriend. He also add that he is lost (waiting for an answer on a job abroad), he wants to focus on his career and what he wants, and he need to be alone for now. At the end of the conversation he said “please don’t text me it will make things difficult” and he said “leave me alone for a month and then we will see”. I said (while crying) that I respect his decision and give him his space, and the last word was big kiss..

I didnt contact him since the break up on 1st feb and neither did he.. From one day to another going from a lot of texts (sweet and updates), 1 call per day to nothing.. and just 3 weeks before the break up I spend all the holidays with him and it was great..

I have to add some little informations: He is very ambitious, strong will power, determined, honest and dont play games. I was a bit needy asking him to reassure me often, I was dependant and lost (career), didnt know what to do with my life..

I have a few questions:

1: Do yout think I have a chance of getting him back? Even if the reasons he gave me for the break up is basically that he doesn’t love me anymore? Also the fact that we dont live in the same location (France and Italy)? I know there is more to it like my insecurities, the fact I am lost, that I was willing to follow him in aother continent (might have scared him?)

2:I dont know what he means by saying leave me alone for 1 month then we see?? Can I have hopes? Why tell me we will see? And before he told me that we don’t have the spark anymore.. That he doesn’t love me as he should love his girlfriend..

3: He said to not text him (so not contact him). Thats what I do but he askes for that and Im afraid that he knows he need that time to move on so im really confused about doing no contact because I feel that it is exactly what he needs to forget me. Do I keep no contact for 2 weeks more or do I initiate a LC?

I have no way of knowing if he met someone or if the reason of breaking up was for another girl.. During no contact I have no way of showing my new life, improvments, showing i will date people..

Im so desperate, heartbroken, I’m crying and so sad that I can’t even express it.. I’m falling apart.. I know he is the love of my life and I really want him back in my life. Its really hard because we were awesome together.

I know you must be showered with questions but I would really so much appreciate a feedback and your opinion. I know it’s a long post but thanks so much if you could give me your opinion. Thanks for your time.

Cec

February 18, 2015 at 12:41 pm

Hey,
Could you give me your opinion on my situation? I read a lot of your articles, comments and answeres and helps me a lot but I would really love to know what you think of my comment. I know you have a lot of them but if you could read mine it would be awesome. Also after reading some stuff on your site about male mind during and after no contact + the reverse psychology and priming I feel that my ex doesnt fit and he is not the same, his expections of me are that I actually not contact him… Thanks a lot

Saira

February 13, 2015 at 10:48 pm

Hi my and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago , we seemed to have a great relationship other than the little fights we would have. I broke up with him because of the fight nothing was changing and I didn’t really want to break up but when I did it seem like that’s what he wanted he kept saying “I’m not the right guy for you” he new I didn’t want to break up but he sai he wanted to be friends. During the weekend I messaged him apologizing for my mistake for breaking up with him with not a reason and asked him if he wanted me still and wanted to make our relationship work. I also ask if they was another girl bc he he was acting different. He read my msg but never answered. When I saw him at school he’s been avoiding me and basically ignoring my existians , I remever he had something of mine and msged him for it back he answered yes. The next day he sent his friend to give it to me. He also didn’t delete me from his social media count until I did. I don’t know what to think and it kills me can you help me ?
Sarah

February 13, 2015 at 1:38 am

Hi Chris,

I am here again. Same Sarah (below long story) who you advised me to reach out my ex. Ok , We have met once when i let him know about my exam result that was failed. He asked me out and comforted me. I could feel he is still caring me. He looked so happy to seeing me again. He was excited .We did have good conversation. We did not talk about getting back or .. We talked about the movies we watched together, catch up our jobs.., lives.., we had good time though. We sat close and leaned on each other.And I texted him when i got home and next Monday morning i texted again and he replied me nicely. Then we stopped conversation again and yesterday I initiated texting him again and asked him out today “I m gonna grab a drink tomr eve. it would be fun if you join me”.. but he turned down saying “Thank you for the invite, tmrw i cant make though. I will join you again another time, you have fun!”.
so My question here is what i should do next ? He is rejecting me nicely or he is getting over me? Should i try to ask him out again?

Thank you so much .

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