Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

TC

June 24, 2015 at 12:35 pm

My husband and I been married for 4 years now, had 2 kids. He decided to move to FL to stay out of drugs and be prepare to move me and the kids over. Our plans changed later on so we came to an agreement that I stay behind and wait while he do some schooling and come back for his family. Months later, he met this girl and were good friends. They then became really close and became more than just friends. Unexpectedly, he told me he wanted to follow with a divorce because he lost hope and has moved on. I said some mean words, even asked many times for second chances for the sake of our kids, called him more often, but he always ignore my textx, emails, or calls. I asked him one last time if he really meant by the divorce but i havent got any answers from him yet. What does it mean? Is he still confused about his feelings? I dont know if he is ignoring me on purpose or he just doesnt wanna talk to me at all. Now I read your article, and I am going to do the NC rule! I hope it works! its hard to do so I will do my best!

All the best! 🙂

Chris Seiter

July 9, 2015 at 12:39 am

Did you read my article on how to get a husband back?

Venice

June 9, 2015 at 4:45 pm

what if hes really mad at you that he doesnt even want to talk to you? what if he said not to show my self infront of him that he doecnt wanna reconsile with me anymore? what if during the NC rule he’ll move on totally and wont come back to me anymore?
Katie

June 8, 2015 at 5:00 am

Follow up to my previous messages. You last said you would be shocked if he never contacted me again. Well THREE weeks after I sent a “friendly/reminder” text, he texted me at 11pm on a Friday night. All he said was “I’m great thank you. Busy but good. Take care of yourself.” First of all, I never asked him a question in my previous text, making in non threatening so he didn’t feel like he needed to respond. Secondly, he NEVER would have texted me that late on a Friday unless he wanted to talk. Why would he randomly feel the need to text me THREE weeks later?? Why even bother? Is this his way of reaching out and testing the waters? My worry is his closing comment. Anyway, I waited until Sunday night and just said “It’s nice to hear from you, glad to hear you’re doing well, what have you been up to?” I really hope there was a meaning behind his text, otherwise I feel like it’s a pretty jerky move to do that to me… thoughts?

ps – I bought your e-book. Awesome!

Katie

July 9, 2015 at 4:43 pm

Ok quick update… and want your honest opinion. So after a week or so of him not responding to my text, I was a little angry. Why bother texting me three weeks later on a Friday night if you have no intention of talking to me?? I was afraid of him randomly sending me a text a few weeks later only to be set up for disappointment yet again so I texted him a message basically saying that it was not fair for him to randomly text me after all of this time if he has no intention of talking to me and only to ignore me again and unless he changes his mind and wants to be with me, to not text me… he texted me five minutes later and said “Okay, have a good night”. My question to you is, now that I’ve let him know that I have finally stood my ground and will no longer be reaching out to him or chasing him, will it make him miss me and realize that I am done? At least now I know if he ever does reach out to me, it is because he has reconciliation intentions… What are your thoughts on this? Did I just screw everything up yet again?

A

June 5, 2015 at 2:19 am

Who on here has actually gotten their ex back through NC? I was with my boyfriend for over a year and we broke up a week ago. I’m ashamed to say I have texted him probably 50 times… some were extremely long and heartfelt messages, others were short question or pleads. Luckily none of them were mean or angry. I can’t imagine going a whole month not talking to him, but I’ll do what it takes to get him back. I’ve lost so much weight and I can’t think of anything besides him. I try to distract myself but he is the love of my life.
A

June 5, 2015 at 2:18 am

Who on here has actually gotten their ex back through NC? I was with my boyfriend for over a year and we broke up a week ago. I’m ashamed to say I have texted him probably 50 times… some were extremely long and heartfelt messages, others were short question or pleads. Luckily none of them were new or angry. I can’t imagine going a whole month not talking to him, but I’ll do what it takes to get him back. I’ve lost so much weight and I can’t think of anything besides him. I try to distract myself but he is the love of my life.
Mack

May 30, 2015 at 8:03 am

So my ex-boyfriend. I guess he’s an ex. He wouldn’t come out and say it. He said he wanted some space because he’s really stressed out. But what does not talking to me have to do with his stress level? He’s so weird. I don’t even know if I want him back anymore. We dated 8 months. He goes nuts, crying all the time. Well he always cries daily anyways. But then he was crying a lot because I was on Tinder and POF. But the thing is he would never visit me and I told him if he wasn’t gonna spend physical time with me, then I was going to go on these sites. He would say everyday he wanted to marry me. And towards the end, he would ask me if I wanted to marry him and I said I don’t know because of how he acts. He’s racist, steals, lies, and I don’t know if I want to be married to someone like that. And I guess he retreated because he was so worried about me finding another guy. He stole hundreds from Walmart and I’d always yell at him about that. And he’d piss me off and I’d yell at him everyday. I just don’t like that he got control by ignoring me, and I want to regain the control and mess with his head like he messed with mine. And last message I said I was gonna tell cops he steals, and he was saying why am I being mean to him. And that he loves me. And he says he’s really stressed blah blah blah. I don’t know what the hell is going on.

A

June 30, 2015 at 12:43 pm

TBH, you shouldn’t really have been on dating websites if you were on a ‘break’. Maybe he’s depressed and thats why he is crying a lot. Maybe you should have comforted him?

Mack

May 30, 2015 at 8:02 am

So my ex-boyfriend. I guess he’s an ex. He wouldn’t come out and say it. He said he wanted some space because he’s really stressed out. But what does not talking to me have to do with his stress level? He’s so weird. I don’t even know if I want him back anymore. We dated 8 months. He goes nuts, crying all the time. Well he always cries daily anyways. But then he was crying a lot because I was on Tinder and POF. But the thing is he would never visit me and I told him if he wasn’t gonna spend physical time with me, then I was going to go on these sites. He would say everyday he wanted to marry me. And towards the end, he would ask me if I wanted to marry him and I said I don’t know because of how he acts. He’s racist, steals, lies, and I don’t know if I want to be married to someone like that. And I guess he retreated because he was so worried about me finding another guy. He stole hundreds from Walmart and I’d always yell at him about that. And he’d piss me off and I’d yell at him everyday. I just don’t like that he got control by ignoring me, and I want to regain the control and mess with his head like he messed with mine.
Angel

May 29, 2015 at 10:18 pm

i have been with this guy for the past 2 years. After that he had to move out for college while i stayed back. Initially, our long distance turned out really well and trust me we were in love. But due to our time differences we could barely made time for each other. The lack of communication caused fights. Sometimes from his end sometimes from mine. We did sort it all out. And then we had these 10 days we got to spend time with each other, however, i didn’t have much to talk about since we had been far apart for too long. But things were still fine. Unfortunately, after those 10 days he has been ignoring me. He said he loves me and he is busy, but his being busy is too sudden. It wasn’t like that before. He made time for me no matter what. Now with the distance and the lack of communication we ended up fighting more. Now I’m guessing I’m a nightmare for him. I keep asking for his attention. And he ignores my texts and only texts me when he wants to. That makes me unhappy in the relationship. I have tried talking to him, but he sounds so cold and different it makes me wanna cry. Now i am just waiting to meet him cause soon we will be living closer than we are. He says he is looking forward to see me, but he still sounds different. It is very confusing. Feels like he is still dating because he does not want to hurt me, but at the same time he tells me he loves and cares for me. And he tried telling me that he hasn’t moved on by telling me about this “nice and pretty” girl who ignored him. Any suggestions. How should i react to him?
CLEO

May 29, 2015 at 9:57 am

hi Cris, I was in a relationship with a guy 9 years younger than me, we were best friends for 6 months, we fell in love, nothing happened… but it was pretty obvious, we were always together; we are studying a master together. Anyways, finally we kissed and everything happened,… since I am used to have formal relationships I was never too comfortable since he wanted to go in his pace, he was changing stuff that I asked him, and going there… but not talking much about his feelings, I could see that he loved me because of his actions and because he used to be my best friend so I just knew… we started fighting a lot, I cut him off around 5 times, and always regret it and he always came back to me when I called him… By the time he declared me that he thought he loved me, but it was the first time he had felt all these feelings, etc. I was not grateful or surprised and instead I was angry about other stuff he had done to me during the weekend… so we fought again…. we are both very intense with out emotions, very extroverted… finally one night I told him I had met someone else… it was not true, I just wanted to piss him off… and that was it… he never came back to me… I tried to write him once, he answered, then when everything was over I sent him a long letter about what I saw that happened in between us, and many times that he also made me feel like shit… I think I said too much in that letter, and I think I hurt him, he had also told me a lot of stuff before… and now it´s been two weeks and since that letter I got no response, nothing, when he used to text me like 30 times and call me 15 times if I was not picking or ignoring me… for months and months after me… I really love him and regret so much stuff that happened in between us, we were also in the middle of the worse time of our master, very stressed out and very scared about uni… I feel so sad and don´t even know how to tell him I am sorry about that last letter, and that I wish him the best, because I have the feeling that he hates me, when I was his world for a whole year… it´s so sad, my heart is totally broken =(
Lila

May 27, 2015 at 10:12 am

I totally understand this. However, it’s important for guys to try and understand women as well. We are much more in tune with our emotions, which makes it hard to understand the male way of dealing with theirs. The same goes the other way around I suppose. However, when my ex suddenly started to shun me after he had asked me the week before if I would promise him that I would always be in his life, it made me very confused. I asked him why and there was no reply. I tried a few times to see if there was something I’d done, but no reply and he blocked me off everything. Men have a weird way of just shutting off, which women will never understand. Women deal with their emotions and they talk about things, they don’t just shut down. I have only ever blocked one person and that was a guy I felt threatened by, like I thought he would harm me and do something bad. He stalked me for ages. However, my ex shunned me for no reason whatsoever, and my needy texts came after the shunning! Now two years after we last spoke, he still ignores me and pretend I don’t exist when I see him. I sent the last ever text 2 bloody years ago! Men should get their act together as well! It’s not just us being annoying and not respecting their male way of seeing things. It’s just as much them not caring about the female approach at all. Women need to talk things out and men ignore their emotions. Both are hard to deal with, but the respect should be mutual! It’s not fear that I’m being shunned for years for no apparent reason. I bet I’ll see my ex in 20 years and he will still shun me as if I’m the worst person that has ever existed and I will still have no idea why. Classy!
Anonymous

May 26, 2015 at 10:08 pm

Hello Chris how are you I just want you to know that this was a great read and helped me out so much , My question for this is though is when you do the no contact rule , wouldn’t that just give my ex enough time to move on and find another girlfriend ? its quite hard doing the nc rule as that’s what I’m scared of as if there is a way we could get back together I would love to try , and also we have children involved, so how would you be able to help with that?? Thanks
Leila

May 26, 2015 at 12:21 pm

i broke up with my boyfriend its been 60 days. and still no contact. heres the kicker. he threatened to hurt me and all i wanted out of the NC rule, was for him to acknowledge his actions and apologize. s ny thoughts?

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:40 am

Contact police if he threatens you again. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship like that.

Madison

May 24, 2015 at 9:30 pm

Hey Chris! I hope you can help my problem. You see, I was dating my boyfriend for a week shy of 8 months. We broke up just a week and a half ago but I am still trying to figure everything in the break up out. We are still just in high school so we are just teens but I wanted to add that. He ended the relationship because of our constant arguements. A lot were over dumb tiny things but it did get annoying arguing over things every day. I asked if we could meet up to talk about our relationship and try to improve it and that’s when he decided to end it. He told me he didn’t know if he wanted to end it and that he still loves me and wants the best but the fighting was too much. I believe that he was telling me the truth and wasn’t trying to sugar coat the break up. 4 days after we broke up, I called him without warning with a full page of asking for him back and hoping for a second chance which he politely denied. He said that he wanted to be friends but the fighting just wasnt making this relationship work and that he was sorry. I understood and I know I probably shouldn’t of called but I needed to say how I felt and let him know it all. Later that night I texted him thanking him for calling me and he said no problem it was good to talk 🙂 and we made a short small talk for a minute and then he didn’t reply anymore. 2 days later he opened my message and didnt reply and he never said anything to me at school so I said that I really do want to stay friends and he said okay I just don’t know what to talk about and we made some more small talk and then he stopped replying again. The next day he opened my message and didn’t reply and we haven’t talked since. That was 5 days ago and we have seen each other in the hallways at school and at lunch and haven’t said anything to each other. I’ve decided that I should do the NC 30 day plan and wait for him to say something to me because I can’t do anything more, I gave it my fight and now the balls in his court. I’m just wondering your opinion on this. I know you don’t personally know him but do you think that there is a chance we will get back together if I go along with the NC plan? Thanks for the help!

Madison

May 24, 2015 at 10:42 pm

Another thing I want to add that I hope you comment on is the fact that a week before he broke up with me, we got into an arguement and I was really upset with him and he ended up begging me to not break up with him because he loved me and said our relationship meant too much for it to end. Why would he say that and then break up with me just a few days later? 🙁

Ash

May 22, 2015 at 11:31 am

My BF and I had been in a relationship for good 4-5 years; last three years he has moved to another city with hectic work schedule (that is what I have been told apparently) and my BF cant seem to find time for me; he started to ignore my msgs, started avoiding my phone calls..blah blah. Eventually we broke up two months back. I remained in NC with him for 30 days and then followed your advice. I did get responses from him…brief ones though but not negative until i brought up something from the past which brought good memories for both of us and there hasn’t been a reply. I started texting him after 30 days once or twice in a week and briefly talking to him and quitting chat myself. What do you think is he going to reply? And why would he not reply? Do I still have chance with him?
akirose

May 22, 2015 at 8:58 am

i broke up with my 1 year & 2 months boyfriend,,we had a baby. but during our relationship i felt his love caring and support, however he had a child with his ex partner but they are not already together and agreed only just for the baby,,until i broke up with him in which i usually do out of irritation of our relationship. the last time i broke up with him was 2 moths ago,,and i realized that i miss him and love him. but i found out that after i broke up with him ,,he reconciled with his ex partner and it hurts me alot..but he texted me that he miss & loves me,,he even cry,,he dont want me to find another guy,,i am confused
Katherine

May 20, 2015 at 8:40 pm

Hi Chris, I read all of this and thought it was amazing and it helped me a lot but basically I met this guy at work and we started talking etc about like just random things I guess and one night he picked me up at 3am and I was with him till around 5am just in his car talking and then he kissed me and bit my bottom lip, I haven’t really had much expirence with men so I don’t know what he was intending to do, anyway a couple of days passed and we was texting like normal and then one day he just stopped, he left the job at work and then never contacted me again. What did I do wrong help!

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:41 pm

He bit your bottom lip?

Seriously?

Katie

May 16, 2015 at 10:40 pm

Hi Chris – I’ve commented on a couple of other sections over the past couple of months and you have responded which has been super reassuring. Just a recap, I met a guy on Tinder. He was a 4 hour drive away. Things were great, until I dropped the “I’m falling for you” comment and after that I noticed him pulling away and then he broke up with me two weeks later. Blamed it on long distance and then said he has no feelings for me. Literally, right after he had made it seem like we had a future together. I called him the next day, he never answered. Did no contact for two weeks and texted him on St. Paddy’s Day – he texted back but ended with a “take care.” I then proceeded to text/call/email over the span of three weeks. Just finished 32 days of no contact (yay!). I texted him a friendly “remember when/hope you’re doing well” text two days ago and he has yet to respond. I’m terrified he’s not going to. Just a side note, I had deleted him off of facebook but he has an extremely open profile so he knows I can see his posts. That evening, he posted two extremely random posts (after not posting anything for a week) that typically you would post on someone elses wall, ie. A birthday post and something else completely random. It was almost as if he was doing this to show me that he was around and he was straight up ignoring my text.

Do you have any insight into this? Why would he do this?

I’m terrified he will honestly never contact me again. But nothing horrific happened. We never fought. I thought he was super into me until the day he ended things and I went a bit over the top “ganty”. I feel so helpless. Should a mutual friend of ours call him out on it? I can’t move on from him – he’s everything I had ever looked for in someone… Please advise as to where I should go from here. Thanks 🙂

Katie

May 21, 2015 at 1:40 am

I’m not going to lie – that’s super comforting to hear that you think that. But now, do I just wait and let him respond on his own terms (that could be a year from now!). Or do I reach out again? I don’t want to harass him. I feel like him not responding to my text after 30 days was his way of saying – move on!! I’m just still so confused as to what happened… I just want him back so bad.
Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 6:21 pm

I would honestly be shocked if he never responds to you again.

Seriously.

Allie

May 15, 2015 at 9:14 am

Hi, I found myself amazed by lots of the techniques that you had for such things.. And I’ve never written on a public website like this, but I’m wondering what to do in this situation. As I’m leaving soon to another country for a few years, my ex boyfriend was very saddened by this and felt that it was time for us to break up since I messaged him bad news that I had to leave earlier than expected.. Afterwards, I wanted to have the no contact rule, so when he talked to me a few days later, I told him that he should write me later on in the week :), and he continued to talk anyways, kept snapchatting me but when I responded to the past few messages, he stopped responding and just read the messages.
Our last conversation before I messaged back was about how we were supposed to have this date next week.. And so when he reaffirmed sort of that we would maybe still do that, I phrased it as hanging out instead to make it seem less clingy.. Either way, he stopped responding over the past 3 days now.. And I’m not sure what to do, considering his best friend just flew in that same 3 days ago and I’m afraid the friend is convincing him not to see me anymore due to our circumstance. Please help me :/ I just need advice and I love him with all my heart.

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:35 pm

Wow, I am honored that you shared this on the first public site you ever have.

Have you been using NC?

Blair

May 13, 2015 at 9:19 pm

Love your website! I have a quick question for you…. met the love of my life and had fall on romance for 4 months…. I got drunk and said some stupid things. We decided to have a break. I text everyday….. sometimes twice and eventually applied your NC rule for 3 weeks! He started texting and I was light hearted a cool and basically when he asked me out said I could not make it and arranged another day. He came over for dinner and movie and ended up staying the night. Left Sunday saying let’s do this again, I really have missed you. He called me briefly Sunday. Now I have sent a couple of “light” non needy texts and when he eventually replies (sometimes a day later) they are really clipped? For example: I tried calling no answer. He text me saying his mate was over can’t talk, I reply “no worries, was just calling for a quick chit chat to see how your day was” a day later I get “Busy day, hope u ok”…….. what does this mean. Should I go back to the 30 day NC rule? HELP!!!!!

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Thanks for loving the site!

Yes I think you should go back.

Imogen

May 11, 2015 at 4:09 am

Hi Chris, this is an amazing site! You have an incredibly accessible and direct way of writing; a complete breath of fresh air. The absence of gimics and sensationalism is refreshing. I wonder if you can help with my dilemma?

I moved to this new city last summer and whilst searching for a room and new house mates, I met this guy who owned an apartment and had a room to let. We got on well, he seemed nice so eventually I moved in with him. soon after moving in ( less than 24hrs) he made several passes at me, all of which i dodged but I still liked him so I stayed. Eventually, I told him that I liked him and he freaked out and backed off until when I met his friends who all really liked me and flirted with me shamelessly. He got really jealous and upset with me because I was no longer giving him any attention. He eventually ( after 3 weeks) said he didnt feel it was working and that I had to find somewhere new to live. He still made passes at me which I declined and eventually began to really open up to me emotionally, it took 3 months for me to find somewhere else to live and when the time to leave came, I took the coward’s way out and said an ‘Irish goodbye’ ie I left one weekend when he wasn’t around and sent him a message thanking him and wishing him well for the future . He sent me a message expressing his disappointment and interest in staying in touch despite the past. over the last 6 months we have communicated a few times and were going to meet up but I cancelled as i had a work commitment. We rescheduled but he then cancelled ( suspiciously) for the same reason and then proceeded to withold all contact and ignore any attempts which I made. This all happened over a period of 6 months. The latest is that we spoke a few weeks back because I told him I needed some help. When he called I told him that I was sad that we are no longer communicating and that I missed him. He told me not to worry and said we should keep in touch. He still ignores me. I still want to have a friendship/relationship and really miss him.

I’d like to stay in communication with him and make in roads with him. What do you think and what would you honestly advise Chris? I cannot wait to hear your response, particularly because you give such honest and insightful advice.

thanks again

Imogen

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1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”