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59 thoughts on “This Is How Long You Should Be Doing No Contact For”

  1. Gale M Immel

    November 23, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    How long should I wait? We were together 4 and half months. He ended things saying if I ever need to talk to him I still can and that he still has some feelings for me. He just wants to be single right now… he has not been in a relationship in 5 years and does not like change. I truly felt like we were ment to be

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      Complete a 21 day No Contact before reaching out

  2. Margra

    November 23, 2019 at 4:05 am

    Hi, my bf recently broke up with me through chat. We haven’t talked face to face since he told me he doesn’t find it best to stay anymore. He got tired of the constant little fights we had and he felt like he needed to change so as not to hurt me. He said he fears for our future…that we would end up hating each other if our fights get worse. I wanted him to talk to me in person, and if he really wanted to break up with me, he gotta tell it to me straight. But he said it would crush his heart if he does and he really can’t say it to me straight to my face. The following day, i texted him and asked him again to talk. But he still didn’t agree. He said i should give him time. I wonder if he just wants some time to brace himself before telling me it’s over. I told him we should not give up in the relationship. He just read my messages and didn’t bother replying. It’s been four days since this happened.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 12:22 am

      Hey Margra, thats hurtful but start your No Contact and stick with it, follow the program and give yourself your best chance at getting him back if that is what you want at the end of your 30 day NO Contact

  3. Sarah

    November 22, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    My ex dumped me two weeks ago seemingly out of nowhere. He just started law school in the fall and we’ve had a bit of tension for about 5 weeks because it felt like he was prioritizing his friends over me when I visited. However, we rarely fought we just had some tension and conversations where I expressed how I felt and I would ask him how he was doing and he would tell me everything is fine. The weekend before our breakup was fun and things seemed totally fine. The next weekend he was supposed to visit me and he was still calling me cute names and saying he missed me and when he showed up at my door he had a very serious look on his face and immediately said we need to break up. He told me it was because “he can’t be in a relationship right now” and that he wasn’t happy in the relationship and not excited about it anymore. He also said maybe we could be together in the future but we should treat it as over and not hold out for one another. I was so shocked during the breakup I didn’t even cry. I asked a lot of questions and told him that I wish he had shared how he felt sooner so we could have a chance to actually work through our issues, but ultimately he said he made up his mind and he didn’t think we should communicate for at least a few months and then maybe we could be friends. I didn’t fight him, get angry or call him names, I said I loved him and was totally blindsided and confused. He left and texted me the next day offering to speak if I had more questions and said he “had nothing but care for me,” but I ignored his text and we haven’t talked since, other than me asking him to ship me my things. I have also created a list of goals and am trying really hard to focus on other things.

    I have so many questions and still don’t really know what happened or what changed. He looks so happy on social media and seems to love law school. It has been extremely tough and feels hopeless. I don’t think he will ever reach out to me again and I’m not sure if it’s worth reaching out just to better understand what went wrong. Please advise on next steps; thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:53 pm

      Hi Sarah so your first step is to follow the no contact and understand how to implement it properly and then work on becoming Ungettable. Then start reaching out to your ex as a friend but do not bring up the break up or the relationship. As much as you have questions you need to be positioned right to get those answers and that is not going to happen when you first reach out it is going to take time

  4. Katarina

    November 20, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    I am 21 year old girl and my boyfriend broke up with me last Thursday with message at 2AM…He told me that he is depressed, exhausted and wants to be alone. He said that it has nothing with me but that he wants to be alone because he doesn’t feel anything-> his emotions are gone. We were together for more than one year and really had beautiful moments. He also had sometimes depression attacks but we managed everything with seeing each other and talking…This time he didn’t want to give me a chance to talk to him or see him. I am so sad and confused. He means a lot for me and I would like to make some god approach. I didn’t beg or anything except for seeing each other better that making decisions in the night. But I got mad and blocked him to stop an agony because he was so indecisive. Next morning I unblocked him but since that nothing but silence… Is it somehow possible to solve this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 8:18 pm

      Hey Katarina so your best chance is to follow the program but you also need to take into his account his mental state where he wants space so approach with caution when reaching out to him for the opening conversations

  5. Mary

    November 20, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Hello! my boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago saying he still loves me and he just needs space we where together for 5 years. The break up happened because of a heated argument, I begged and tried to work things out, didnt work he ended up blocking me so I had no choice but to go into no contact and been for 28 days. Our birthdays are coming and I wanted to ask if it’s a good idea to even text him Happy Birthday since he blocked me. And would be after the 30 day no contact. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 1:31 pm

      Hi Mary, so no you do not reach out on their birthdays, this is something they expect you to do. So not doing so is breaking a pattern that they expect from you.

  6. Suzi

    November 19, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    I was engaged for 4 years. Had a mutual breakup last year of November. We used to see each other a lot in the beginning. But that was when I reached out to him. He once told me that he was soul searching, now he doesn’t know if he wants to commit but offered to see me once a week he did that once then he stopped now I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks. We always have a great time together. Then he disappears and won’t hear from him for a week-month or if I see him out cause we have mutual friends. I think he’s stalling me now cause he thinks he has me cause I was always available. I don’t know what I should do? Its been a little over a year now that I’ve been wanting to get back with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2019 at 9:56 pm

      Hi Suzi, so as its been some time since your break up, I need to ask have you gone a whole month of not speaking with him? 30 whole days without conversation. If not you need to do that, and then you also need to start living your life, not where you can push away your mutual friends but try to spend less time around him so he can have that chance to miss you and also worry that you have possibly met someone else. You can also consider dating other people enough so that he feels there is a pressure to get you back if he doesn’t want to lose you. 12 months is a long time to put your life on hold while someone makes their mind about if they want you or not. So now you need to do some self work where you become Ungettable girl!

  7. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

    November 18, 2019 at 9:59 pm

    Hi Lynn its called Limited NC

  8. Chelsea

    November 8, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me four days ago, and I am feeling extremely sad and down in the dumps. He left because he said he did not know what he wanted anymore, and it was not fair to keep stringing me along. He broke up with me last Monday, November 4, and I reached out on the fifth only to find out his decision was not rash and he meant it. I have been doing NC since the 5th, but I am afraid it won’t work and ill get rejected and heartbroken all over again.

  9. Charles

    November 5, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    My ex and I were together for seven years and lived together for 6.5. In September she got a new job opportunity and used it to move out since we have been on the rocks for a while. From late Sept to mid October I barraged her with texts trying to get her back. She responded to them all. Some positive and some negative. Then in Mid Oct after she finally got back to my apartment, and moved her stuff out into her new apartment, I started NC with no “reset” message. Then for about two weeks there was nothing. I then had to text her her about the rent payment she owes me and she was cordial and got back to me and sent the rent. She asked if everything else was okay and I gave her two texts explaining my new job. Then I ended with a “reset” message telling her I was sorry I reacted badly to the breakup and respected her decision and wished her the best, and then went back into NC. She responded fast with “Why the sudden about face?” And then after no response after twenty minutes said: “That’s not important, I wish you the best too.” And I have still been in NC since then. I’m desperate to know how long I should be in NC for this second time since I broke it to contact her about the rent. And then ended with a reset message.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:53 am

      NC for 30 days without responding to him at all, even if he reaches out to you

  10. Shannon

    November 2, 2019 at 5:03 am

    Hi everyone. My ex recently broke up with me about 10 days ago. We were supposed to be moving into this beautiful apartment together and he basically told me he didn’t know what he wanted and broke up with me and left and took his stuff. I had to talk to him today about the electrical in our old apartment and I asked him how he was feeling and he said he doesn’t know what he wants and he wants me to “move on” and not wait for him. We have been together for almost 4 years and I’m trying to understand where all this is coming from. He said he isn’t seeing anyone else and I believe him. I’m trying to do NC but it’s very hard. I deleted his number so I’m not tempted but I’m afraid he isn’t going to reach out to me during the NC period.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:19 pm

      Hey Shannon it doesn;t matter if he reaches out to you during the NC – a lot of exes dont. But you need to work on getting yourself on your feet again. You reach out after 30 days NC to him as a friend and build up the attraction again

  11. Anon

    October 30, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    Hi EBR team! First off thank you for all you do, you all have made me feel more empowered through my recent breakup. It was a rough one and I really do appreciate it.

    My long distance ex broke up with me about 2 months ago citing the distance/lack of physical time together being too much on him. For reference we saw each other at least once a month and both had the time/money to fly back and forth to each other. He previously had a rocky and unsuccessful long distance relationship, I think it contributed a lot to him ending things with me.

    After the breakup I immediately went into NC and I didn’t break it. After about 3 weeks he reached out and we slowly began texting, calling, FaceTiming etc. At this point we’re in contact one way or another daily.

    My question: I am flying out to see him and do a road trip together in 9 days. This is all on his dime, I’ve paid for nothing so far. I am looking for some insight on how I should handle this trip. What I can do to encourage him to solidify things/commit to me? Do you think I have a shot? Thank you so, so much. Sending lots of love from the other side of the country!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      Hey there so really well done on your hard work and it is paying off! I think staying UG and letting him take the lead is most important but the investment on his part is huge! Have an amazing trip but definitely don’t give him boyfriend privileges without the commitment. Good Luck, form Wales 😉

  12. AS

    October 29, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    Hello! My boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago and I did begged him, tried to talk things out between us and asked a lot of questions the first four days after the breakup. He is currently working in a place five hours away from our city and agreed to meet me on the second day after the breakup cause he said he wanted me to be in this presentation that was important for him. I went to that and all the time he kept looking at me for reassurance but later left for drinks with his friends (one of the reasons we argued a lot in the last couple of months was because I kept feeling neglected or as a second choice next to drinking and his friends when it wasn’t like that for the first 6-7 months of our relationship).

    After the breakup, I started going to therapy since I believe I lost myself somewhere along the line about 8 months ago and I acknowledge the person he fell for just wasn’t there anymore. He knows I’m getting help with that and agreed to meet after a month or two when I’m in a better place cause he stated he loves me and deeply cares for me but believes I should work in myself again and both of us need time to organize our thoughts, feelings and cool down a little bit and if it’s meant to be, we will be together regardless of the situation.

    I started NC 9 days ago and I broke it once cause I had this very weird feeling that he wasn’t doing ok (had that feeling before when we were dating and I would be right about 95% of the time) so I asked him. He did reply after 10 minutes telling me that he was ok and a “Why are you texting me all of a sudden?” (I know it sounds rude but in our native language it sounds better), I replied after a couple of hours and after getting a reply from him I stopped texting him since I got my reply but I’m going nuts waiting for him to reach out. I’m desperate to know if he thinks of me at times and I’m just too scared he will forget about me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 12:58 pm

      Hi AS he wont forget you and he will possibly think of you now and again. Your exes reply is because you ignored him for 9 days. But you need to get to 30 and not break it for any reason, it doesnt matter what “feeling” you get if you want NC to work you have to stick with it and read up on the types of texts you are supposed to send after NC too

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