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Lily
October 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm
I understand the concept of being the ungettable girl, my ex told me that it is attractive but in the same time he asked me not to push it too much ;P (it was when he was fighting for my heart) but what bothers me is that, how once ungettable girl then girlfriend and then ex girlfriend that he says he lost feelings to can become again ungettable in his eyes… ?
I mean in his previous relationship by NO he meant No, did not change his mind although he was trying to make it work for a few months with that girl, with me he decided that since in his last relationship fighting for it did not work, so this time he won’t even try…
This actually hurt the most I think, the feeling that you are not worth fighting for…
But right now I have 9 days of NC to go 😀 but have some reservations about being again an ungettable girl…
Leah
October 19, 2013 at 9:18 am
Girl I feel your pain… Same thing happened to me! I used to the THAT UG to him but I guess dating him made my “personality points” go down – ie) disagreements, getting comfortable with him, always being there for your bf (so easy to get a hold of). When we broke up he didn’t even try to fight for me – and now I feel kinda worthless to him – someone not worth fighting for. How can you turn that idea around where u were a ug and now your just another girl he dated. How can you increase your personality in his eyes when dating him can decrease the personality score? Especially if you missed out reading this website immediately after the break up and did common girl mistakes post break up (ie: crying about why you broke up to him, trying to make it work, no nc). Thanks chris
admin
October 19, 2013 at 8:42 pm
Haha sorry I just love how you actually read the personality points part. I can die happy someone read it!
Leah
October 20, 2013 at 6:48 am
Glad it made you happy! 🙂
But how would you recommend someone “increase their personality points” if when you dated your ex getting comfortable and such would decrease it? Now that your ex has dated you – what incentive is there that can improve your personality score since your comfort level with him decreased? Cause all it takes is for him to be like “I already dated this girl, why’s it any different if she’s different now – it’ll just revert the same when we are back together.”?
I’m not sure if I make sense.
admin
October 20, 2013 at 9:23 pm
Well a lot of it would be showing him that you are no longer like what turned him off before and that is where your awarness of how you were perceived by him was taken.
admin
October 17, 2013 at 6:54 pm
What are your exact reservations?
I am a bit confused?
Lisa
October 17, 2013 at 5:41 am
Wow, loved this post!!
So if I lose weight (became chubbier as time progressed) and act confident and once i get close with my ex on a emotional level again as friends…. play hard to get? When we talk on text messaging or skype chat make the conversation interesting then out of no where say be right back or i have to go, talk tomorrow?! ( will this work for me since my ex bf and I are close friends?)
Also if we have a good conversation when he has finished with his “space and time” and when he is ready to talk to me… once that conversation finishes.. do i say “Hey, how are you? ” the next day, or do i wait for him to initiate the conversation so he doesnt see me as needy again?
before he would always start convo when we were friends 3 yrs ago so I guess he has to again? 🙂
admin
October 17, 2013 at 6:53 pm
You can initiate the conversation again (Only if some time has passed though.)
Lisa
October 20, 2013 at 12:37 pm
I agree… he is happier without all the drama… in all the conversations he had with me and his friends it was all him saying like i just want time and space.. and even when he did give us a chance.. he said he didnt want to disappoint me if after the break he still didnt feel the same 🙁
he just needs to cool down and think clearly.. i guess it has only been 11 days but when i see him for the first time should i look really dolled up to get him interested?!
I mean.. Chris, if you were with a girl for nearly 3 years and it was real.. but you got sick of everything and just spark went and felt like you didnt like her in that way anymore.. after NC rule, when you see her and talk to her be close again do you think theres a chance you might fall for her again? would you be scared to go through all the stress again…. ??
do you honestly see hope in me and him.. everyone says he just cracked and lost love/spark and how we have history and we connect really well… but can it ever feel new to him?
admin
October 20, 2013 at 9:24 pm
Its hard to say b/c I have never been in that situation BUT if I had a connection with someone that was deep then I would revist that relationship probably.
Lisa
October 21, 2013 at 11:34 am
thank you so much for your help! i’ll repost once he talks to me or if im cracking hahaha! but I have a plan, to be positive, losing weight, looking and feeling good, hang out with him and our friends and show him how fun we are together then when he leaves to china for 2 months, I’ll still be close and when he returns start to see him in person and i’ll lose even more weight!
but i really think my ex boyfriend got so caught up with stress, and wanted it all to end so after some time he will cool down and we will start fresh 🙂
admin
October 22, 2013 at 1:49 am
Good luck with the weight!
I love your attitude!
Lisa
October 20, 2013 at 1:21 pm
also.. when you say its early in the NC rule.. he initiated the NC rule not me? he said ” i will talk to you normally as friends when I am ready…”
so how can this help me :S ? if he talks early then keep with the NC rule but if he doesn’t then I guess he has power..
do you really think time and space helps him? he seems so mellow and not even bothered with me out of his life.. 🙁
admin
October 20, 2013 at 9:25 pm
In any case its still early hahahaha.
Lisa
October 20, 2013 at 1:35 pm
will playing hard to get and showing him you can live without him work if he isn’t interested in you like that?
If you didn’t like your ex anymore but once you were ready to talk to her as friends.. and she was different.. not always there to talk, busy with her life, always replying late, and playing hard to get.. would you care if you weren’t interested in her? or it would still bother you?????????
i just dont think my ex bf will care if he isnt interested in me like that 🙁
Lisa
October 18, 2013 at 10:47 am
do yo really think because i let my self go in appearance it could have played a bit part of him losing the spark and feelings?
once he sees me when he is ready to talk.. i think about 2-3 weeks.. ill lose around 6 kgs and dye my hair more darker as he likes it and just flirt , tease and then pull away? does playing hard to get and being mysterious really work?
right now… its only been 9 days since i saw him last or talked and I dont think he cares too much at this point.. he seems normal.. when i see him looking good and different should i do what we did before which was play this arcade game “tekken” and usually when i win he would pinch me and laugh, can being friends with him like this and grow a strong bond again help me improve my chances??
I’ve been with him for nearly 3 yrs.. so even if his feelings have gone for me.. it is possible to get them back if were close and i show him i can be independent!
but when he leaves to china.. how should i talk to him!? he will be away for 2 months.. then after that I’m sure i can see him and hang out and even go to his uni to study! but when his in china what tips do you have?
admin
October 18, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Yes I really do. Looks matter to men I don’t care what anyone says and yes, I have taken flack for that by some women but honestly it is the truth. How do I know? I am a guy TRUST ME ON THIS!
Lisa
October 19, 2013 at 6:26 am
it also seems like he doesn’t care?!
He is so glad the drama and stress has finally stopped… that I’m thinking would he even be thinking about us? SO MY QUESTION IS: why would he care if i play hard to get or reply late or say i have to go now in the convo when he has no feelings for me?
its only been 10 days since we’ve talked or seen each other… but he seems happy and fine.
would you get butterflies if you didnt like your ex in that way anymore but saw her in 3-4 weeks time and she is less chubby, darker hair that you like and happy and you can keep a fun convo with her?!?!?!
admin
October 19, 2013 at 8:39 pm
I can also relate a bit to him on this. I was in a relationship full of drama and craziness once and when it was over it was a sigh of relief but I still found myself wanting her back.
Remember, it is still very early in NC.
Lisa
October 19, 2013 at 6:21 am
okay thanks! Because I truly believe deep down in my core… even if his lost feelings he can get them back!
he may have said his happy by himself but being his friend and attracting him can help me, yes?
I just know he needs time and space since we’ve never had that!
Do you think men can feel for that person again even from not seeing them for 1 month and they look happy confident and more attractive!?!?!?!? please explain why 🙁
admin
October 19, 2013 at 8:38 pm
I have before!
Faith
October 17, 2013 at 4:17 am
Hello, Chris!
What if I already messed up by being not confident and my ex even told me that one of the turn off was I am not confident with myself. Can I still make this right? How can I show him that I am not the same person anymore?
Thanks 😀
admin
October 17, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Of course you can!
However, if you want to get confident it means you are going to have to do things outside your comfort zone. Take it in baby steps.