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335 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”

  1. Avatar

    Help

    March 5, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    I meant to say he wants to * focus on him self

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 8:00 am

      Yes, it’s right that you ignored because keeping on talking to him after he rejected you is chasing.. Tell him being friends is not workable for you right now, thank him for everything and then restart the count of 30 days nc…

  2. Avatar

    Help

    March 5, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    So my problem is with this guy , he isn’t an ex . We met about 5 months ago and every since we first met he’s been asking me to be in a relationship with him , since the first day ! Which I thought was moving waaaay to fast and I was still dealing with my emotions from my ex which we just ended a year and half realtionship and month before (but I thought we were going to get back toghter ) so this new guy chased me and chased me until about to two weeks ago , he finally said he’s done. At first i didn’t care until I realized how great a guy he was and he’s the WHOLE package. I think I also liked him from the beginning but was just scared to get hurt again

    So about a week ago I told him I was ready to be with him and he just completely changed he told me No ! And told me how I’m selfish and think everything works on my time and how he doesn’t think we’re a match anymore and kept saying the exact same stuff I was saying to him back to me. Like he wants to touch’s on himself & would tell me you don’t like how it feels huh?

    It bothered me so for two days I was trying to get him to explain his decision and to see me in person but he wouldn’t always reply(but was watching my story’s I posted) and kept blowing me off with a cold attitude

    So I finally was like ok I’ll try one more time since I know I was the one who pushed him away I called and he gave me a big attitude saying how he was asleep. But he had just watched my Snapchat story 10 minutes before . I decided to leave it alone but that night he texted me and said “lol you were in your feelings all night huh “ I Never replied because I felt like that was rude that was two days ago and he hasn’t reached out to me either

    & I didn’t reply because that’s just how my ex acted and that relationship took a lot out of me and I really don’t want to end up in another toxic relationship.

    My friends been telling me they think he’s just getting back at me because I upset him from denying him for months but I don’t know.

    I really want to try to make things work with him . I just don’t want to come off as chasing him and being needy because that’s what I did with my ex and he then started taking advantage of my feeelings .

    I’ve been posting a lot on Snapchat and Instagram and he’s always one of the first to watch it.
    How do I find out if there’s still a chance without chasing him ? Should I just wait until he rechases out? Did I do the right thing by ignoring his text ?

  3. Avatar

    Jasmijn

    February 27, 2018 at 9:25 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago by deciding to go on a break because he said he needed space and time to think. We were together for almost 7 months and everything was great until he sat me down and told me that. I tried giving him space (even though we live together in student housing). After a week we spoke again and he said he made a mistake and if we could just forget everything. He wanted sex and I said ok but only if he wasn’t going to change his mind again and he said he wouldn’t. The next day he told me he wasn’t sure anymore. A few days later the exact same thing happened.

    I told him we should just break up for real and not date or anything in the meantime and he agreed wholeheartedly which broke my heart. He told me he is not having the same feelings for me he had in the beginning. Tune in to a few days ago when we had sex again a few times as in just sex (I knew what I was getting into). He spend the night in my room and in the morning we had sex again. Later that day (yesterday) he told me he wanted to wait with having sex again for a few days because it felt a lot like getting into another relationship again and he is saying that’s not what he wants (not with me or with anyone because he has adhd and depression and feels like he doesn’t have the space in his head/heart for it). I felt very rejected even though I acted like it didn’t matter to me.

    Next monday I am moving out. Should I just implement NC now or start when I moved out. The way he is acting now it just feels like he won’t miss me at all if I go NC and he probably won’t text me since he isn’t a texter. But then again he is used to seeing me everyday since we live in the same house and me being gone is going to be a big difference for both of us. I want to take the time to work on myself and I need the NC period to do that. It just feels like he doesn’t care at all.

    What is your take in all of this? I would love some more insight than just fragments of my imagination.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      Hi Jasmijn,

      Staying in contact is worse.. Do nc for yourself, not for him and don’t sleep with him again. check this one:
      How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

  4. Avatar

    Jen

    January 12, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    Thank you. And sorry it was suppose to say blocked him. Yes he is stringing me along and I understand why he is doing it. It’s because I allowed it. Every time I get him out of my life and start to get over him he comes back. Go figure. The last time he came back he spoke about marriage. Who does that when they don’t mean it? I don’t get it. Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:24 pm

      That’s actually common.. that’s why we move on without totally moving on because in that way, you’ve already started moving on and the decision of whether to get back with the ex or not is more rational than emotional.. When the ex senses that you are moving on, they tend to hook you again enough to keep you around, that’s why it’s important to be rational so that you’ll know when to let go if needed.

  5. Avatar

    Jen

    January 8, 2018 at 12:06 am

    So you’re saying i should just let him go? I forgot about him completely and he came back into my life and started talking about us getting back together. Then he switched I‎t up again. Im not chasing him. I just want to know why does he come back to say these things to me then leaves again? Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      I’m so sorry.. I reread your post. I misunderstood it. Yeah, you’re not chasing him but he is stringing you along. And what do you mean that you booked him?

  6. Avatar

    Allison

    January 6, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Chris,
    Is it still possible to become an ungettable girl when you’ve known your ex for 5 years? He’s seen everything about me for the last 3 because we lived together. I am overweight and he says that is a huge part of our issues because he is not as attracted to me as hr would like to be, but do I still have a shot being the ungettable girl or is it too late?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 5:28 pm

      Hi Allison,

      Of course you have.. Growth and improving in life depends on you being active on it.. You can do that..

  7. Avatar

    Jen

    January 5, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    So it’s been over a year. My ex has a new girlfriend for a couple of months now. About a month ago he found out i booked him and went crazy. Talking about how he thought about getting a ring to come back to me how he never forgot me. How he is going to break up with his girlfriend. Fast forward a month i feel like an idiot he is still with his girlfriend and he is saying he is confused and not ready he gives such mixed signals i don’t know what to do anymore. I definitely chased him when we first broke up. I don’t understand if he feels the way he feels why hasn’t he come back to me yet. Is it because he knows im around. I feel like im getting to the point where i just want to forget about him all together. What do i do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2018 at 11:46 pm

      Hi Jen,

      If you’re still talking to him a year after the break up, that means you’re still chasing and it looks like he’s stringing you along…

  8. Avatar

    Catherine

    October 25, 2017 at 2:12 am

    Chris,
    I am not one to typically comment on public posts, especially of this type; however, I would like to suggest you take a second look at the way you have approached the description of an “ungettable” girl’s body.
    My initial reaction to this post was to nod and agree with what you had to say until it came to a woman’s weight. I found the remarks and opinions here disrespectful, and potentially (if not definitely) damaging to women, especially those who are in an emotional state already with lowered defenses and self esteem.
    The facts are this. Women should never be taught that their worth lies anywhere in their physical appearance any more than men should. Their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual is more important than any idea of perfect someone else may hold. A woman who has lost touch with her health in one of these places should be figuring out WHY for herself, because that’s the mindset that drew the man she loved to her in the first place, and whether he comes back or not it’s healthier for her in the long term. Women are not in competition with each other and they shouldn’t be.
    Not only that, but in case anyone hasn’t noticed, there are two things here to note. The first being that eating disorders are a real thing. They may be present before a relationship, women and men may be predisposed towards developing them, and they may be triggered by life events or suggestions of imperfections and the need to improve or focus on something “better.”
    The other is that just as no two men are born with the same body types and designed the same genetically, neither are any two women. “Real women” are born tall, average height, short, curvy, skinny, bottom heavy, top heavy, every size and shape you can imagine. Some are prone to stretch marks, some freckle, some grey early, and every single one of them is normal and wonderful the way they are as long as they are healthy and taking care of themselves.
    The same woman pictured above whom you say you would never date because of how skinny she is represents a portion of the female population who either works to maintain that weight for their occupation (by choice, and does not hurt for male company I’m sure) and also women born thin with high metabolisms and small bone structures incapable of meeting your ideal middle zone. Grace Kelly, world renowned actress and former Princess of Monaco was about 5’7 and weighed 118 pounds. By those standards she would have been too thin. I’d know, I’m 5’7 and 115 with a 25 inch waist. I also represent that select population who is thin by birth, and has no control over my size. I accept it, wouldn’t change it, and celebrate women of every body type. EVEN when I’ve been called a skinny (you can fill in this blank) and insulted under the insinuation that I starve myself or I’m on drugs.
    I’ve also never hurt for male company, and I’m a girl whose gotten away for several of my exes.
    In my experience, you’re right when you say personality is key. Taking care of yourself is key. But so is authenticity, passion, loving yourself (not to be mistaken for selfishness, but having an appreciation for who you are, knowing who YOU are, and what you have to offer), confidence, empathy, kindness, intelligence, respect for yourself and others, a sense of humor, being playful, and being a little hardy. Being able to tough it out, stick it out, encourage, know when to step back and let a man be a man, and when to step forward and pick up some of the weight because they won’t ask, but sometimes they NEED it.

    And frankly, any guy who lets plays games and let’s you go, isn’t ready for a real relationship. Walk. Let him go. Hurt now. Heal now. Let him grow up, and if he comes back, make him earn it back. If he doesn’t, he did you a favor. Someone wise once said: there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

  9. Avatar

    Jane

    October 5, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Please send me an email to narrate my story via email not in a comment
    & I will be thankful a lot

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2017 at 10:34 pm

      Hi Jane,

      you can email at [email protected]

  10. Avatar

    Georgina

    August 28, 2017 at 2:55 am

    Hi! So this is my second time commenting here and I just had some thoughts. I don’t mean to brag but I am somehow a UG girl. I am pretty(who is lazy to fix herself all the time), I have a high grades and is running for latin honors, I joing writing contests and win various awards and have joined pageant contests and either belong in top 3 or gained the crown. And every single of it was seen by my ex. He saw me suceed and fail. But he still broke up with me bcoz of the horrible things I said. Maybe bcoz I was stressed. How can I improve my personality?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      HI Georgina,

      That’s good that you know that you’re beautiful.. Being physically beautiful is just one part of being an ungettable girl. Improve other aspects of your life. Join new workshops, volunteer, improve your skills. Do new things and meet new friends.

  11. Avatar

    Joanna

    April 17, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    Hello there. I need an honest opinion on my situation. I broke up with my boyfriend after four years of on and off. the longest off period lasted 6 months, 2 years ago. he now seems very determined to keep things like this because he says that it is obvious that we don’t know how to be together and didn’t find a way to make things work and we would only waste time. He even started going to a therapist. I did the NC for 5 weeks but needed to stop to wish him happy birthday. during this time there was no word from him and eventually he replied on my happy birthday message, with a simple thank you. to be honest, it does seem to me like there is no going back this time.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 22, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      How much did you improve and we’re you active in posting in the past weeks?

  12. Avatar

    Chane-lee Seejiram

    April 5, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Hi Chris. Love the advice. Thank you so much.

    I was wondering what your thoughts are on if you feel like becoming the ungettable girl would take 6-12 months. I do still want my ex back but I don’t want to get back into the relationship until I feel like I’ve accomplished all my goals and the things that make me happy. He broke up with me by the way… But it was exactly what we both needed. Thoughts?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 1:04 pm

      For me, you can do that and then treat everything as a restart..or start building rapport and just continue improving yourself while doing it

  13. Avatar

    Astor

    March 29, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    I have a bit of a situation that I’d like input on. I never officially dated this guy but we were friends for around a year. The entire year there was a lot of sexual tension but he had a girlfriend. Finally, we got involved but I immediately regretted it. I admit, being inexperienced, I made some rookie mistakes and immediately contacted him, made myself readily available to him, and probably inflated his ego a lot.

    Then I read this and implemented the no contact rule and was successful, working on myself and trying my best to improve on myself. I went on a trip and he stalked my social media for weeks. During that time, he contacted me asking when I’d be back. I told him, “In April,” keeping it short and sweet with no other details.

    Now it might sound like I’ve gone cold on him and maybe I have in some ways. I’ve wised up to his game but now I want to know what to do going forward. I believe there’s something special between us and that there is a connection which attracted him to me to begin with. But I also know it’s gonna take a lot of work on his part and restraint on my part for it to manifest into something more.

    I’m back in town now and I’m wondering what I should do? Keep up with the no contact rule until he contacts me again? Or show up and show him that I’ve changed for the better. Although I do have good instincts, my inexperience has had me commit a few fauxpas in the beginning.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2017 at 4:00 pm

  14. Avatar

    Andreea

    March 21, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    I want to tell my story here. And I am sorry for the long write. I need to know your opinion and if I have any chance of a proper relationship with this man.
    I met this wonderful funny guy last year in May. We actually met online and on our first date we had a lot of fun. But soon my life got interrupted as I found out my father has cancer. I had to move back home (another country) for a while and be with my family. All this time, we’ve texted a lot. He was encouraging me and sending words of comfort every day, trying to make me smile. In July I travelled back and we met again. We had our 2nd official date and a kiss happened. We both felt butterflies and after I went back home to my parents, he kept texting me a lot. After a month and a lot of struggles, my father passed away. He was there for me every single day even if from the distance. When I travelled back, we entered an official relationship. For 2 weeks we dated every other day and we agreed on being together in a relationship. We felt so happy with each other. I had to go back home for a few days again and when I came back, I felt like all the struggles in my family were over and I could finally somehow relax and let go. We slept together for the first time. And things kind of started to change after that. I felt he was pulling away and I was puzzled. A lot of insecurities surfaced and I started to overcompensate with extra attention for him and his needs or what I thought they were. We spent a nice weekend away for his birthday but even on that weekend, everything seemed different. He wasn’t as happy as before. After a few days I asked him what’s wrong. He said he is trying to feel more than think about us and that nothing is wrong. 2 weeks later he was breaking up with me saying that everything looks perfect on the paper but there is something missing. He didn’t know what. I got so attached to him in this whole period that the break up really crushed my heart into pieces. He broke up with me gently, holding my hand and hugging me the entire time and that made things even worse for me. I didn’t understand.
    He said we can still see each other, like staying friends and that I can tell him anything I want and feel. And I did that for a couple of weeks and then stopped. I realised I was becoming too needy and I had to move on. But I still sent him a Christmas gift (although we broke up towards in October). He said thanks and seemed surprised. Then we had less and less contact. In January he contacted me and told me he would like me to join him on the formula 1 driving experience that I gave him as a present for his birthday. I said he can enjoy that with his friends but he insisted I share that with him. But he ended up booking that for March and I thought, by the way he said it, that he will actually go alone or with some other friends.
    Anyway, time passed again, no communication in between. And in February, close to Valentines day, he wrote and asked how I am and if I would like to meet for a walk and catch up. I proposed a day but on that day, he wrote back and apologise that he had to cancel due to work stuff. He proposed another day but I was away for that entire week and couldn’t do it. So, when I was back, I wrote him and asked if he would like to meet. He said yes and we met at my house. I proposed cooking something together and have a relaxed dinner, talk and laugh and he was ok with it. He then reminded me about the driving experience and that he still wants me to go with him. I was pleasantly surprised.
    Everything went well but we got too relaxed, we both drank a bit too much and I ended up giving him a back massage because he was in pain. We both lied down on the bed afterwards and he leaned fwd and kissed me. I asked what changed and I got silence for a few moments. Then he kissed me again. And I let him, I was powerless and thought that maybe this attraction and closeness meant something. There was no sex and no skin to skin contact but we fooled around for quite a bit. I let him without realising that he gets what he wants without any effort and I lose my self respect by doing that. He thought he can easily have me. He left that evening kissing me on the way out and I haven’t heard from him afterwards for almost a week. When he asked if I had a hangover after that night. Found that message totally disrespectful and insensitive and I didn’t answer. But after a week and a half of silence, I said to him that I think we both acted immaturely and we should have a short walk together to clear the air. And that I didn’t want things to stay awkward between him and me. After I sent that, I felt like I’ve made the biggest mistake and once again, lost my self respect with this man. His answer was that he doesn’t think anything is wrong from his side and that a walk would be great but he was busy for the rest of the week and we could only meet at some point during the next one. Although I already realised he doesn’t care about me, this message made it even more clear that I am not a priority at all. So I chose to retract myself from the whole situation.

    I wrote him that while it was lovely to see him again, I came to realise that we are in 2 different places right now and that nothing connects us really and I believe it is better to not keep in touch at all anymore and wished him all the best. I blocked his number and removed him for Facebook and cried my eyes out afterwards.
    I really think he is a great guy and that we are very good for each other. We think and feel alike about so many things. I believe we got together at the wrong time and that’s why it didn’t work. We also entered the relationship too quickly, I was an emotional wreck after the death of my father and him being there for me, got me very attached to and needy of him.
    When we first met, before having the event with my dad, I was in such a good place with myself. Really happy with my life, just moved to another country, made new friends, things were great. But then my world crushed down on me. And everything was a chain reaction. I am now trying to collect myself from the floor and rebuild my self respect and confidence again.

    I think of him often and would definitely want to have a fair try on a relationship together (after I have worked on myself) but I believe, with all that happened so far, that I am probably as low as possible on his ‘women who he would want to be with’ list. I also ended all form of contact so where to go from here?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Hi Andreea,

      just take this as a restart.. do at least 45 days and aim to be the advice above..

  15. Avatar

    GINA

    February 14, 2017 at 12:42 am

    Disgusted with the ungettable girl analogy. Basically if you are woman number 1 who enters the bar and is decent looking with a great personality but not drop dead gorgeous you will never be sought after. Much like nice guys finish last? At least you are honest about it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 6:55 pm

      hmm..for me a decent girl with a great personality is drop dead gorgeous.. if you mean a a conservative girl, who doesn’t wear sexy clothes, she can still be gorgeous..

      It’s more about confidence.

      Dont be nice. Be kind. Nice is saying yes, even when you really mean no, because the person is not strong enough to stand up for what he really wants..
      When you’re kind, you can still say no in the way that’s not disrespectful..

  16. Avatar

    Bibi lanna

    January 23, 2017 at 12:33 am

    So my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me I was heart broken and depressed but I wanted to do something about it and I miraculously stumbled onto EX Boyfriend Recovery and I initiated the NC immediately. I had a competition due the 21st of January, the day before what would be our anniversary. He scooped me up and held me, hugged me. And told me he loved me. I didn’t say anything in return…. I didn’t know he would go and show up, but he was there. I went home and I saw he had sent me a text that said he loved me….. But we couldn’t be together “not yet…… Or not ever if you realize you’re better off without me”. And I was confused. Do you think I have a chance?

    1. Avatar

      Bibi lanna

      January 23, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      So what should I do now? Should I keep distance from him? Talk to him?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      Slowly build rapport by talking to him. Just don’t be all like, “This is not to get back with you.” Just be friendly.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Bibi,

      yeah, what he did and said are good signs

  17. Avatar

    Lyla

    January 18, 2017 at 2:47 am

    After reading a truckload of contents from this site, I am not even sure if I want to be in a relationship with a man ever again. What do you even get out of it? If I were perfect, beautiful, popular, and with a great personality, I would be enjoying it alone instead of sharing the same boat with a loser dude.

  18. Avatar

    Jen

    January 6, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    We’ve always been friends. Eventually became fwb. I want to know if there’s any way of us being in a relationship? From the beginning he said he wanted to just be friends. (He had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship) We became fwb for a year and have argued a lot more recently. We had a really big argument in which he didn’t talk to me for two weeks. He then started talking to me again. When we talked about the argument he told me that he had developed real feelings for me and that all the arguments we had ruined those feelings. He wasn’t the same after this. He was really distant. I’d text him and he’d respond hours later. He wouldn’t return my calls until hours later either. In the middle of this there has been some “good days” where it’s felt like when things were going really great: So I’ve decided to do no contact. I’m on day 3 of no contact. Before I continue it I would like to say that I’ve always been the one to initiate conversations or meeting up (at least 9/10).
    So here’s my dilemma. We were never a couple so do I have a shot at us becoming a couple? And should I continue with the no contact?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      Hi Jen,

      you have a shot or higher chance of being official if you dont sleep with him again, if you dont chase and if you raise your value

  19. Avatar

    Marie

    December 14, 2016 at 5:11 am

    How should I respond to my ex? He blew me off twice when we had plans to meet, and I ended up ignoring it. As an ungettable girl is it best to voice my disappointment that he didn’t meet me, or should I show him through my actions? (via ignoring). I think actions speak louder than words, and this weekend he’s coming to my company’s Christmas party (we have mutual friends and he’s tagging along one of them). I was going to ignore him at this party, but is this petty? Should I at least acknowledge him? Not sure how to handle this situation. I don’t want him to treat me like a doormat, or to think it’s okay to blow me off.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 2:04 am

      Hi Marie,

      Next time he sets up a plan to meet, refuse it. Be the one to set a date, if he doesn’t come, go someplace else with friends. Be polite at the party but go more with someone else too.. If he approaches you, be polite but be short with your replies.

  20. Avatar

    Jami

    November 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    Hi, me and my ex had a brief period when we got close again, in a friendly way, but i rushed things and it led nowhere. A few weeks later, he called me really late and showed up on my doorstep. He was drunk. We spent the night together. Two days later he took me on a date, proceeded to humiliate me with nasty comments, to finally dump me. He called me a cheap woman, deleted my number, blocked me and ignores me at work ( we are coworkers). It left me devastated. Is there any way to redeem myself? I’m not asking for the relationship, but my respect and dignity.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      Hi Jami,

      Try the advice above and check this one too:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

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