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52 thoughts on “The Phases Of A Rebound Relationship”

  1. Avatar


    November 15, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    Thank you a lot Shaunna, I’ll try my best.

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    November 14, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    About 5 months ago We broke up mutually after 7 years of dating cos I flirted on phone with another guy  in front of him and he couldn’t take it since I had cheated on him twice. Three days later he told me he was currently going out with a lady friend  I had told him that she made me feel scared of losing him to her. This lady stays in the same community with me and I had once mentioned to him to never go out with her in case things ended between us. I did all the mistakes of crying, begging and all. However, he is still protective and possessive over me and still cares for me by providing me, my brother and 2 of my friends  with  jobs and assisting with my T&T and feeding to work to I receive my salary. He is always saying am the only one he yearns  for and love but can’t break up with the new girl because of the consequences since he asked the girl out and can’t be a bad person. He still makes me do things for him because he says am the only one he can trust. He normally blocks me when he is meeting the girl and unblock when he is back. One time my friend sent me screenshots of his status updates of him and the girl which really hurt me. There is this problem of my parents not liking him and to extent of warning him to stay away from me several times so we had to date secretly. Am working on my parents so they accept  him. I started limited contact but when he notices he says am trying to get rid of him.   What do I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 15, 2019 at 12:12 am

      Hi Sasha, so the fact he blocks you and unblocks you when around the new girl is a sign that YOU are now the “other woman” and she sees you as a threat. But him telling you that you are trying to get rid of him. Is him manipulating you to answer him. You need to complete a full NC where you do not speak with him at all for 30 days and if you work together then you do your job, but do not do him any favours or help him out in anyway that is outside of your job description. You need to work on becoming Ungettable so that you are NOT sat around waiting for him to now be with the new girl so he can get the attention he wants from you. You may have cheated but you do not deserve to be a back up plan either. Read the program and follow it if oyu want this guy back then you also need to learn to be honest with him and not cheat or flirt with other guys when you are in a relationship with someone else

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    November 14, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    Thank you Shaunna.
    Well, he’s s not my ex,, we were mutual crushes, friends… He trusted me a lot and we was super attracted to me. So I need to be the best UG possible to beat his obsession with the new girl but she’s in the same city, lots of things in common (me too but still)… It seems impossible. But I need to try, I love him and I’ve been builing this step by step (he is moving on a very bad broken heart, with depression) for months and months, can’t stand losing it now.
    So I’ll go with small NC (No starting until he texts first or maybe during two weeks; I have to tell something then for a circumstance, but I’ll be neutral, not a bit of my usual warm and nice way) while I try to be the best UG possible, even if it seems impossible.
    Is that a right plan?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 14, 2019 at 11:37 pm

      Yes you need to be the “perfect woman” essentially to him. To make him notice you and value you more over the other women around him who may be getting his attention in particular this one you spoke of the other day. I know he isn’t your ex, I apologise, its a force of habit in this role 😉

  4. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

    EBR Team Member: Shaunna

    November 13, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    Hey Olivia, so you need to read up about the Ungettable Girl situation, looking at your health ( not just appearance mentally too) Wealth ( work life, possible promotions, any debts you could clear) and then relationships (with family and friends) then you giving you completed your NC successfully, you can start the texting phase you need to keep it about your exes interests and short and positive. Building up the number of texts you send every few days based on him giving a neutral / positive response

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    November 13, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    It’s been 4.5 years since we were together. In the beginning 2 years he was quite occupied with his college & friends due to that he didnt give much attention to me and met me only twice or thrice in a month even though we stayed in the distance of 20 mins. After 2 years he realised and vented it all out to me to fix things and he started paying more attention to me and everything and it was getting better and we were doing great. Last year in august he left for pursuing his masters and went to canada and since then we got into LDR. It was difficult for him to take in living alone, doing things and stuff and he did not wanted to come back to India because then he wouldnt be able to go back as he has everyone here but as it was his sisters wedding he had to come so he came. While he was here, he ended up cheating on me, he ended up kissing someone else. It was too difficult for him to speak it up to me but he vented it out to me the next day itself. It was a rough phase. He did not wanted to go back but I made him understand why he had to go as he had to pursue his career and everything so he went. He assured me he wants nobody else except me, he was devastated because of what happened back then and it was difficult for me to take it in. He has always been a less speaking person and recently our communication had reduced because we both were occupied in our own things and stuff and we were normal. We had a silly arguement in the last week of august and I decided to not talk to him for a while so we didnt talk for 5 days. We always greeted each other with a hi on the call after any arguement or anything we had. We have barely fought throughout our relationship never had a break up. Later that night he texted me saying he has things to talk over which he never thought he would, he spoke to me about it stating its difficult for him to live there all alone, he stated he has lost interested in everything and enjoys nothing he isnt happy, being depressed and everything and one of the major reasons is that he is talking to other people and he is getting attracted to people and distracted as well and he cant take the distance and cant live in the guilt by commiting any mistake again and hence he said its better to part ways. He firstly said he doesnt wants to lose me forever and wants to marry me but then after breaking up he said not to keep any false hopes because he got free. He said he wants to stay single and does not wants to commit at the moment. I begged and pleaded him stating we will make things work and everything but he said he cant take the distance. After a month of begging I asked him to talk to me over call and he said why are you crying I am alive you should move on, he also stated he likes someone there. I decided a week back to take up the no contact rule and did not speak to him by any means but yesterday things just clicked into my head i asked him did you abandon me because you like someone there and he said no its because of the distance and then we cut the call. It was eating my head and hence I had to speak to him because I could see his snapchat score increasing like anything and constantly seeing him online and everything was getting over my head because all he is trying to do is move on also because he likes someone there and hence I had to speak to him. I told him about what I am going through. He started the conversation with what’s up how are you and I said I am not doing fine then I asked him again that why are you doing this and everything he constantly said the same thing that you’re not ready to understand that I don’t want this relationship or anything at this point of time in my life. I have 100 things to do here. I don’t have time for anything. No time to cook either
    College work and assignments This is how his day passes by. I told him I can see you online and snap chatting. He said I can’t turn off messenger
    And snap I don’t have friends? I can do Whatever I want, it’s my life. I told him you like someone there he said I don’t get the time to talk to her also or any as such.
    He told me constantly that you’re trying to piss me off again and again by repeating the same things again and again. He said I am not in the state to be in a relationship. I don’t know for now, don’t know about the future as well. I don’t know how long it is gonna take for me. Months or years I don’t know about my present. I can’t talk about future. He is not coming back to India. I told him what if I come there He said I don’t know We’ll see
    I don’t know anything he said simply. I told him about the suicidal thoughts that I am having and everything and he said you’ll get through We all get through. I told him about him treating me like a trash. He said I don’t want anything and anyone at this point of time. He doesn’t wants to be in any relationship because he has to make his career and so much more. He said we are too young to take any decisions at this point of time. After that we cut the call then he texted me after a while. And then he wished me Happy Diwali as we are Indians and it is a new year for us. And then replies from his side turned into one word again and then he has not replied me after that. He texted me lastly that he doesn’t wants to be in a long distance any more because it’s not keeping him happy and hence he has decided to be selfish. He is putting all his efforts for her and to be with her. He said he likes someone there and concluded stating that I just fell for the wrong guy. Since then I have not responded to him and it’s been 2 weeks now since I’ve not contacted him. Now He is seeing someone else and it is eating me totally. And I feel terrible for not acknowledging him enough and no understanding what he must be going through all alone there. It just makes me feel terrible at this moment and I really love him. It breaks my heart seeing him with someone else. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 14, 2019 at 12:01 am

      Hi Rahuni, so you want to get your ex back, your best chance is by following the program and sticking with it. Read the materials given on this website that apply to your break up and relationship so that you can get all the information needed for you to complete this successfully.

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    November 12, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    The guy I’m interested in (not ex, just mutual crush but…long distance right now) just got super infatuated with another girl. I don’t know if something happened (they just met and for professional reasons but still), but I think he is into her. He tends to idealize people (he has a realy badly broken heart for that, he was still recovering) and I think that thatt is happening. What can I do?
    Should I go NC or that would make him forget me even more? I’m very active in social media, being there like an UG won’t work, and I don’t really know how to steal her shine (he admires her, she is in the same city…I’m in a bad position).
    As I said, this just happened, they just met and probably nothing happened YET but I think he may got an instant crush with her. I need to act now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:46 pm

      Hi Olivia so you do need to do the being there method essentially as you are going to be the “other woman” he is going to compare you to her. Doing things that make you Ungettable 100% is going to help your position as this is going to cultivate the image in his mind that you are the perfect woman for him not the new girl. He does not know her as of yet, they have just met. So her personality and interests may not match his desires. Give it some time his idealisations will lessen in time

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    Amy Bean

    November 11, 2019 at 1:48 am

    My boyfriend of a year broke up with me about 5 weeks ago and has been dating his high school sweetheart for about 3 weeks.. the only reason my ex gave for our split was he wasn’t sure of what he wanted. My ex says he loves me and prob always will but he’s happy now. He says that I was probably the best girl for me him.. my heart is completely broken.. I’ve tried no contact but only made it 10 days so I’m attempting again.. he even still has my contact in his phone as his girl!!!!! He told me if he didn’t care he wouldn’t answer.. all my friends say move on but I can’t.. he has my whole heart. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 9:07 pm

      Hi Amy,as he has moved on you need to do a NC of 45 days minimum and work on yourself in that time, read about the being there method and read about the Ungettable girl too. I would not listen to his words right now, you need to focus on his actions. “Actions speak louder than words” And you need to keep this in mind too. The being there method is something that takes strength so make sure you focus on that section to give yourself your best shot

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    November 8, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    My ex of 2 years (we split nearly 2 years ago), is seeing someone who was my best friend. They’ve been together for around 3 or 4 months (I’m not really sure). We all work together and it is very uncomfortable for me. Only one person has mentioned them around me as she is unaware of our history and she told me that she was telling her all about her boyfriend, and he told her she got very drunk and kept shouting ‘You can’t control me’ at him (he isn’t a controlling person, so that’s strange). He also returned all of my stuff this week that had been left at his house, but he left it at my desk as we no longer.
    I know it’s been a long time since we split, but he was so important to me and I always thought he just needed some time to deal with things. He remained my best friend for a long time after the split but he has changed a lot in the last few months.
    Am I stupid to believe that despite the time, they might not last?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      It sounds like they as a couple may not be happy anymore. But for now you need to work on yourself so you show that you are better than your old friend. You are going to do the work to make you the Ungettable girl. You can read about all of this on the website and get the right information on how to do the being there method too. IF you want him back then you are going to have to reach out to him at some point as a friend, if they are having problems I would suggest doing it in 21 days after he returned your stuff.

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