The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Sarah Smith

June 13, 2014 at 8:16 pm

Hi Chris,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years last Monday. We are in long distance relationship, I mean 9hours kinda journey on the plane. I travel five times a year and we always make sure we have enough money to travel to see each other, our communication is good and we have a great chemistry and we are very good friends. After four years together I started asking him about where we going and when I will relocate because he said he can’t live in the UK. I was willing to sacrifice everything over here to be with him, I told him I want to settle down by Dec 2014 and put an end to LDR. My ex totally agreed with me and went along with the plan, two years later, he stared changing his tone saying he is not ready to settle down and he doesn’t know when he will be ready. 1 am28, my ex is 34. I am tired of being kept in the dark, whenever I ask him where we are and whee we going in out relationship, I feel like am talking to a wall, he shows no interest but he does not mind travelling down and spending over £2000 to come and see me.

I broke up with him because I felt undervalued, my self esteem was gone, he took me for granted and I felt he was buying time with me. I told him he does not need millions to settle down if I am really the person he wants to be with. Chris my ex knows I love him and will do anything for him, I pretty much showed it to him. I broke up with him because I felt my dignity was out and I wanted to regain control in my relationship. Ever since I broke up with him, all he said was can we be friends and can he amend things, all these I said No to because I wanted him to think about it and come to his senses. After I said No, he said “am not gonna contact you again if you want a real break up” he has not contacted me since and am going crazy. I wanted to apply the no contact rule but he is the one doing it. I am upset, he was the one who took me for granted,pls help me Chris, am going insane and hiding it pretty well.

Thanks,
Sarah

admin

June 15, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Well, I definitely think you shoul ddo the NC rule!

happy bunny

June 13, 2014 at 12:18 pm

Hi Chris,

There has been no contact from either of us for nearly two weeks. I got an email from a hotel we stayed at. Outstanding payment, they told me at the time some had already been taken from his card and we paid the rest cash.
I need to get back to them but I also need to check if they actually charged him or not like the said they had initially.
Can this be a case in this instance it’s ok to get hold of him?

Do I still start with a reinforing positive memory text… or how else?

I have been reccomended NC could be especially hard on him and it’s not fair, due to the events in his childhood. Perhaps two weeks is enough? This really isn’t a standard case.

I already know I don’t need him. I know I can be happy without him in my life. I feel really positive and have been focusing on the future. I have cleared out some stuff, been taking care of how I look and started excercising and having fun with friends. In these 2 weeks I really haven’t been the cry all night and eat ice cream kinda girl. I am a massively strong and positive person. Even though I really hurt. I haven’t begged him, asked for another chance, not spoekn to him once. I am not needy at all. He should know that I spent 6 months without him. I have forgiven him in my head for him lying about our situation to friends before the breakup and forgiven him all the nasty things he said. The difference is I want to share it with him, I don’t feel like the relationship took it’s course. He went away on opperational deployment in the forces and came back with his barriers up.

This isn’t a normal case. He got beat up and neglected by his father as a child and his mum walked out on the family never to be seen again.
He is insecure and likes to be in control, I have been told by a family member he pushes people away when he is scared they might leave him. Then he is in control and it’s his choice. He craves respect and always wants to come accross better than others which is where the lies come in I think. When he is under pressure or stress he puts his gaurd up, becomes hot and cold. He changes memories of events in his head.
I think this stems from his childhood abuse.

I also feel bad for calling him a nasty peice of work when he couldn’t admit strait that he had been lying to freinds and when I said I didn’t know if I could stay with a lier and he said well I wouldn’t want to get back with you anyway. I never said sorry for those things. He told me he wasn’t 100% and didn’t know what he wanted, we are so different. He told me he’d speak to me in one or three weeks depending when he wasn’t busy. This is how we broke up, I said it wasn’t fair for me to be left hanging for so long. So he said that’s that then, it doesn’t matter anymore.

So a few days later after very little contact, only to arrange stuff returned. This is when I asked him about the lies, which he denied first then made up excuses when I reminded him I knew. that is when I said he was nasty. I know, I know shoulda got the stuff and gone. When I told him I couldn’t be with him he couldn’t look me in the eye, he looked sad and held his head in his hand.
If I had of kept my mouth shut and walked off we may be sorting things out already. He took me off his facebook (not blocked) and we haven’t spoken since.
I think he wanted another chance.

admin

June 15, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Nope, finish out the 30 days.
happy bunny

June 16, 2014 at 7:52 am

Thank you for your reply. I understand why I shouldn’t contact him. This is all well and good and infact easy. However I have the hotel on my back asking me for money, I don’t want to pay them twice and need to know if they took the first few nights from his card like they said they had when we were there!
happy bunny

June 13, 2014 at 9:19 pm

I have bought your ebook a couple days ago although through it all yet

Am

June 13, 2014 at 10:01 am

Hi Chris
My boyfriend and I broke up one month ago. He is still married and for two years already we had several break ups, the longest one was 4 months but we always kept in touch…the same now, once a week he sends me a message about what he is doing etc… What should I do?
TashCosa

June 12, 2014 at 11:23 pm

Hi

Had been seeing this guy but after i moved to another town our relationship became stale and I moved on with my life by starting to date other people and he also told me he is dating someone but it is on&off. I decided to come back to our town but he was distant and he wanted nothing to do with me because I was becoming emotional with him. I have done the 30 day NC and I realise i still want him in my life, i call him but he tells me he is busy on the other line. Im not sure whether there’s any chance for us.I dont understand Who needs to call first after the 30day NC?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:49 pm

You want to text first.

brooklyn

June 12, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Chris,
my boyfriend of 15 months told me a month ago that he does want to marry me but isn’t ready for marriage yet. (He is divorced bc of a cheating wife). All of the sudden he asked for space and said he didn’t know if he loved me. He said he loves me as a person but wasn’t sure if he was “in love” with me. So I found out he has been updating his dating profile with pictures that I took of him. After calling him out he said he never cheated and didn’t feel wrong in doing this. I first broke it off but the next day said maybe we could work through this. He said he “didn’t know”. So, I said…ok, lets break up until you do know and I am going to date this other guy for awhile (I legitimately am seeing him but only out of spite) and he said ok. Then I iniated NC. One day later he texted to see how things were. NC. Skip a day. Then he texted to say he worries about me when I don’t answer back. Today is day 4 of NC. In your honest opinion….what is going on here?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:37 pm

It is still so early. Let the NC unfold.
brooklyn

June 19, 2014 at 8:39 pm

He contacted me and said his feelings just started to fade and he thought they would come back but they “just didn’t”. So I pretty much told him how I felt about it. I guess there is no hope for the relationship. Although….I have been working on me! I am a gym rat now…lost 21 pounds in 15 days, spend 2 hours a day in the sun so I am golden brown and I passed my nursing boards this week so I am a registered nurse now. My confidence has really increased!!! Unfortunately even though it hurts, I still love the stupid fool.
brooklyn

June 14, 2014 at 1:20 am

Also, he is logging onto the dating site every night. So I see that he is out looking for someone else. Today he called and did not leave a message. Day 5 of NC.

Lina

June 12, 2014 at 4:32 am

My ex is “helping” me get over him because he “cares” about me. D:
Anyhow, the NC rule is working. (y)
Norah

June 11, 2014 at 11:20 pm

Hi,

i read almost everything about you wrote here and in the book. My boyfriend of 3 years left me multiple times. This time i went no contact for 3 weeks, then he contacted me as he wrote he loves me and wants me back and then hours later said he is not sure,” let us give it a time.” I was angry texted back never to contact me again. 3 day later he wrote me about stuff – we lived together, very nicely, no emotions. And i answered, nothing special, but i showed that i miss him somehow. I think we love each other very much, but relationship was not so good last months – stress, work. What do you think? i dont know what to do – move on or wait…

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:16 pm

What do you think will change this time around assuming you do get him back .
norah

June 16, 2014 at 1:25 pm

that this time, being alone he will understand the meaning of our relationship, our love. I dont know if i should call him? i am afraid he will move on, and i dont want to lose him playing games… I kept distance, when he wrote me he wants us back and now he is away again… Did i made a mistake?
Norah

June 15, 2014 at 10:08 pm

I hope that he will have the understanding that he has to take part in our relationship too and finally be sure, that i am the love of his life. he didn’t called me yet, i spoke with his mother in a weak moment, told her i miss him. She said, he loves me, but is afraid that everything will happen again, i am so lost, i tried to have fun on a party yesterday had panic attack…
Norah

June 15, 2014 at 10:25 pm

i think every second of the day about him. i am afraid he will move on if i dont contact him. Maybe he expect me to call him? I just dont want to miss our chance, playing games.
admin

June 16, 2014 at 2:15 pm

Well, right now just work on not thinking every second about it (think about him yes) but every second can be hard to deal with.
norah

June 16, 2014 at 5:53 pm

Should i contact him or just leave it?

Nunya

June 11, 2014 at 10:33 pm

What do you do if you run into your ex during the NC phase? Or if they show up at your door?

I live within minutes of mine and worry sometimes that I’ll bump into him at a restaurant or store or elsewhere, or even that he will show up on my doorstep.

How would you recommend I act in that case? Certainly I should be polite and maybe cut the convo shirt, but should I turn him away if he shows up at y door during NC?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm

You try to be as polite as possible but and keep the convo as short as possible.

Rose

June 10, 2014 at 12:39 pm

Chris, I’ve also read your article on “What if he does not reply back” or “What NC really means” and I have a good understanding of how this should work. I just really need to know… if I still have hope for this relationship of ours. I don’t have a problem reaching out to him because he makes my pain worthwhile. He is worth the while. I just need confirmation. That it’s not just me playing little mind tricks on myself that there is really hope for him and I to rekindle what we once have..

Thank you once again.

admin

June 10, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Ill tell you the truth.

NC has worked for a lot of people. However, there are no guarantees when it comes to this. Nevertheless, I think it can increase your chances.
Rose

June 14, 2014 at 4:47 pm

I understand. I know it is not a guarantee at all whether he comes back or not. I just wanted to ask you, from a guys POV, from what you know so far, I swear is the complete truth.. Do you still see hope?

I honestly don’t think the reason why we broke up is a good enough reason to just simply let go and “let it be.”

I still see hope.. but from a guys pov, how would you think of all this crazy?

myra

June 10, 2014 at 4:33 am

Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of a month a week ago. Before we even began dating, he used to have a crush on me 4 years ago. But he was very playful and unfaithful back then so I rejected him. I fell for him around November 2013, but he already had a girlfriend. They were long distance relationship. I started talking first and slowly things seems to be favoring in my direction. He told me that he broke up with her for awhile already so after that we got together. He said that he still like her and I was okay with it. But things quickly went down the hill when he doesn’t seem to be putting effort into me. I felt like the reason that he was with me was because he just wanted to fulfill his crush for me 4 years ago. He didn’t do many things as he promised and I didn’t feel like he really wanted me so I finally had enough of it. I was the one to called it an end and he apologized to me and said that he thought he felt the same way for me as his ex but he mistakened it. Currently, we haven’t talk or text to each other ever since the break up. Originally, I was planning to start talking first, but after reading your article I think I will use the 30-day NC rule. My biggest problem is that I can’t make up my mind between getting him back and moving on. I felt used by him so I kind of want to get back at him. Do you think I should take revenge or just move on?

admin

June 10, 2014 at 4:07 pm

What made you break up with him?
myra

June 11, 2014 at 12:00 am

After seeing him still posting his ex pictures.
myra

June 11, 2014 at 12:05 am

And I also secretly checked his phone while he was sleeping. His phone was full of her pictures.
admin

June 11, 2014 at 4:37 pm

While you were dating?????
myra

June 17, 2014 at 6:08 am

Yes, he was very unfaithful to me

Abby

June 7, 2014 at 9:26 pm

Hi, it’s going to be 6 months since i started NC with my ex. Last month I found out he blocked me on facebook which i don’t understand why he did it since he was the one who ended the relation. Does this mean there is no hope left?

admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Check out my page on blocking. You’ll def find some hope there.

Andy

June 7, 2014 at 1:44 pm

I’ve never done anything like this is in my life so here goes as I need impartial advice…..

I’ve been with a girl on and off for 4 years and 2 weeks ago she told me she was seeing someone else when I asked her as she was acting very aloof. I didn’t get cross or angry but I told her how stupid I was to let her go and I burst into tears.
She has said she is confused and needs space.

I have never properly committed to her and I have pushed her away time and time again.
She wanted a baby and marriage but I refused.
Now you know what I am going to say next!……
I’m heartbroken….devastated in fact. I’ve lost weight, I’m not eating and not sleeping.
If I had the opportunity now I’d marry her today and say we can have kids.
I’ve thrown everything away and I’m a fool.

I’m now 11 days into No Contact but my friends are telling me it’s a waste of time as she has moved on and she will contact you if and when she is ready but be prepared for her no to contact ever again.

Any advice would be gratefully received as this is killing me.

admin

June 7, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Hi Andy,

Go check out my other site Ex Girlfriend Recovery

LC

June 7, 2014 at 1:35 pm

Hi Chris,

I was talking/dating a guy for nearly 2 months. We will talk almost everyday, go out at least once a week except when I or he went out of town. He always checked in and sent me pics of things he used to enjoy while I wasn’t around and always used very eloquent language with me. Bought me roses a few times, opened doors and all the chivalry you can possibly imagine. We were also sexually intimate. (I know, too soon perhaps). About 2 weeks ago, we were texting about random things and he pulled the come over my house at 10pm move and also sent me a vulgar text message very descriptive on what he “wanted” to do to me. (Positive thing was all about pleasing me). I felt insulted and played a nasty move and made him think I was going over for 3hrs. Finally he asked if I was going over and I said no, “lose my number”. He then very politely said “I don’t know what’s going on but if that’s what you wish then I hope you stay well”. He then blocked me from Facebook, Whatsapp and perhaps his phone. The only thing I’m not blocked on is Instagram although I think it’s because he barely uses it. He didn’t care to ask why I reacted that way (not sure if he already figured it out). I have been now in 2 weeks of NC and I do want to keep on talking/dating him. Should I continue with the 30 day NC? I wanted to send him an unapologetic message with some humor in it just so he doesn’t think it’s all serious but I don’t know if I should send it and start the 30 day NC or just wait and then send it. Why do you think he blocked me so abruptly? He also created a brand new Tinder account in which he states he is willing to look for that special one. Let me emphasize that he always initiated contact and was always extremely chivalrous and caring about how I felt and how I was doing. However, I also know I was not his exclusive one :/
Please share any thoughts and advice that comes to you.

Thank you.
Sophie

June 6, 2014 at 9:25 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago and it all ended on good terms; we have been together since high school (we have now graduated university) and he said whilst he thinks we’re good together and thinks I’m an amazing girlfriend he needs to know what life is like being single whilst he’s still young. I understand the concept and we ended things over the phone. It left me feeling awful and so I text him after a day (I hadn’t read your article by then) to meet up. We did and I stayed composed and said I understood and if he ever did want me back in the future we’d have to work at it and I wasn’t something to fall back on. He said with how he was feeling now it was likely he’d want to come back to me, but I know that may just be his emotions talking at that point. I said I was going to try and move on but it was doubtful I’d end up with anyone else as I would be working a fair amount.

So basically, I was going to ask advice on what to do if he texts me? We agreed not to speak unless it was about something important. I will not contact him first now (after reading the article) but what if he does.. do I ignore him? Or reply in an uninterested way? Also, have I ruined my chances of him coming back by contacting him so soon initially to arrange to meet up or by saying I won’t be getting with other people? Or by the fact he knows I’ve chosen to ignore him therefore taking away the ‘why isn’t she texting me?’ thoughts? He was initially upset at the start of our meeting but seemed quite happy by the end and so now I’m wondering if he’s no longer feeling bad/missing me.

Thanks

admin

June 7, 2014 at 4:46 pm

Yes ignore him… BUT make sure you read my more recent guides on NC so you can read the updated rules.
Sophie

June 7, 2014 at 6:02 pm

Okay I did do. But seeing as we agreed to contact each other every now and then won’t he find it rude of me to not reply? He literally told me he thinks we’re amazing together and it’s likely he’ll want me back in the near future he just has to see what single life is like as a sort of trial. Of course I said I won’t wait around for him etc.. but he seems to have positive thoughts about me for now so would I not ruin them by not replying? If he sends me a statement like ‘Just letting you know blah blah happened’ it seems fine to ignore but if he asks how I am etc it will surely seem rude?
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:07 pm

You still have to ignore though…

indumathi

June 6, 2014 at 8:00 am

Hello sir,
Myself and my boyfriend were in relationship for the past one and half years. And we broke up some 15 days before. He dint tell me the correct reason at that time. Few days before he told one of our mutual friend as she dont have any mistakes on her side. The problem was my family members who r compelling me to get married to marry their caste girl. As he dnt have mom, he was worried about his dad’s health and his dad’s prestige who strugged a lot to brought up him.
I broke my NC on my 7th day and called him. He told like I went far away from u and cant come back. I dnt know whether NC will help me in my situation. I’m now in the second day of NC now but afraid that he will go much away by his relatives. Plz tel me whether I have to carry on NC or go and talk to his dad who actually likes me and our relationship.

admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Hahaha why does everyone call me sir..

You can call me Chris.

Carry on.
indumathi

June 7, 2014 at 11:53 am

Ok Chris. Wat I should I carry on. Make it clear. NC or talking to his dad directly?

Emily

June 5, 2014 at 8:26 pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up a little over 2 months ago. I’m coming up on the end of the 30 days NC period, and during this time he has not made any effort to contact me I should note, and I’m genuinely afraid that when I DO contact him that he won’t respond. What do I do if he doesn’t respond?

admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:20 pm

He will respond but if he doesn’t you simply need to make your text message more compelling.
Emily

June 7, 2014 at 8:36 pm

How do I make it more compelling without coming across too strong or messing this up? I just really don’t want to ruin this. We didn’t end on bad terms by any means, he just didn’t feel like he was in a place where he could be in a relationship and he needed to focus on building up his business. I love this man and I will do whatever you tell me to to get him back.
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:11 pm

I wouldn’t buy that “building up the business” bit at all.
Emily

June 9, 2014 at 12:55 am

Ok I want your opinion on something. Here’s the back story on him. This summer will mark the 3 year anniversary of his dad’s death and he has been dealing with a lot of self anger issues since that happened. Also 5 years ago he started his own business and last year had everything set up to get loans to expand and move to a larger location and be able to hire employees. He found out that he didn’t get the loans and that he would have to stay in his current small location and continue to do all the work alone, just due to space issues. This is when everything went bad for us. It’s when he shut down and shut me out and eventually broke things off saying he wasn’t in a good head place to be in a relationship and he didn’t feel the way he should and that he needed to focus on his career. Do you feel like he is using these setbacks to hide his “fear” or do you think there is really nothing there on his part and there is no hope for us to get back together? Do you think he was just trying to let me down easy? Oh and this all went down over text.
admin

June 9, 2014 at 3:13 pm

There is hope for you… I wouldn’t say that your completely out of hope yet.
Emily

June 15, 2014 at 12:11 am

If he doesn’t respond, how long should I wait before I try and contact him again?
Emily

June 16, 2014 at 5:33 pm

He hasn’t responded at all 🙁
How long do I wait before I contact him again?
admin

June 17, 2014 at 8:26 pm

Hmm… A week if he doesn’t end up respondoing.
Emily

June 18, 2014 at 2:35 am

Thanks Chris, I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard. This is the love of my life and my soul mate and I don’t believe that he is done with me but everyday that I lose with him kills me and is just one more day that we will never have back. He’s absolutely IT for me and it doesn’t feel done but at the same time it does and he isn’t helping by not talking to me.
Emily

June 12, 2014 at 8:42 pm

Just curious, why don’t you buy the having to focus on his business excuse?
Also my NC ends Sunday and I’ll be contacting him, wish me luck!
Emily

June 8, 2014 at 5:47 pm

Can you give me examples of how to make my texts more compelling?
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:29 pm

They need to have a touch of something in it that will touch him on a deep level.

Ashley

June 3, 2014 at 5:39 am

Chris

Hi my name is Ashley and I hope I’m writing this in the right place. My husband and I are currently going through a divorce. We have been separated for 2 months now. We were together for 8 years and married for 5. We have talked about letting the divorce go through but going on a date every other weekend and try to get to know each other again.. start over and do things slow.. This was my idea cause the last 2 months I have realized what all went wrong and the reasons why I still love him. Ok so he agreed to some what dating. I’m scared that I will mess this up. So many reasons why he’s gone. He has made it clear he won’t make no promises that this will work. Can you give me some pointers on what I can do? I have so much faith in saving us.. I just don’t know what all to do.. I’m really good at messing things up. If this is my chance to save us what’s the best way to do it?

admin

June 5, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Have you read my page on ex husbands?

B

May 31, 2014 at 4:16 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m currently on day 8 of NC and holding strong – it actually feels pretty good to take back control of my situation. I no longer feel completely desperate and powerless (yay!). That’s not to say that I don’t have little stabs of heartache and moments of thinking, but I’ve been keeping very busy with swimming, playing tennis, hiking, camping, visiting friends, writing, reading etc. It feels great, but it’s doing much more than keeping my mind occupied – I’m actually feeling healthy, happy and independent again (the lack of which was a big reason I lost this guy). Every once in a while my stomach drops at the thought of losing him, but, while I do love him, I’m feeling strong enough to know that I’ll be just fine without him too. I’d really like to thank you for your advice and for stressing the fact that NC is as much (if not more) for ourselves as it is for the grand scheme of this plan.

I also wanted to say (perhaps more for the ladies who may read these comments) that this is an excellent time to practice balance. I’ve been doing things that make me feel capable (e.g. chopping wood and building the best darn camp fires this side of the border) – becoming this “strong independent woman”, but I’ve also been letting encounters with other men happen naturally – classy flirtations, not being eager but rather letting them come to me, practicing the text blocking and cliffhangers (with positive results), letting them do nice things for me (whether that’s treating me to a hot drink or simply holding the door open for me) and even just smiling back at men passing me on the sidewalk. The first while afterward my fella and I parted ways I was sworn off of men altogether, but I’m realizing now that these seemingly insignificant interactions a) build my confidence and puts off a confident vibe, which in turn attracts more positive attention b) reminds me of my value c) is great practice for when NC is over.

If you’re going to do this NC, then do it right! Chris isn’t using riddles or hidden messages here – foremost you should use these 30 days to work on yourself FOR yourself. Some of you (still heartbroken, I’m sure) have likely got to force yourself to do it for the first while, but fake it ’til you make it. I’d say one of the best things I’ve done for myself during this time is to force myself to understand that I may never get a second chance with him, and then to remind myself that I’ll still be okay if that happens. Think of it like exercising a muscle – it hurts while you’re actively thinking this, but over time it makes you stronger and you’re able to really focus on the change for yourself rather than for someone else (because let’s be honest – changing for someone else will always be temporary and may harbour resentment, whereas changing for yourself has a better chance of being positive and permanent).

Anyways, Chris – as stated in my email to you (didn’t hear back, but I understand you’re a busy man), I don’t know if this advice will work in my situation, but I’d really like to thank you again for helping me with the self-improvement. You’re a champ!

admin

June 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Youve read the ungettable girl post right?
B

June 2, 2014 at 7:55 pm

Yessir! I’ve read every post that pertains to me/my situation, and even a few others that don’t. It took some seriously conscious effort the first while, but everything is happening naturally now and I’m feeling good!
admin

June 5, 2014 at 5:04 pm

So, what do you need my help on?
B

June 5, 2014 at 7:21 pm

I suppose I was wanting your advice on whether or not my situation even applies to this entire website and it’s tactics. The email I sent had the details about why it’s not really cookie-cutter “get your ex back”. I’d love to know your thoughts on it; however, I know I’m going to be okay now regardless of the outcome. The main reason I posted the comment was to thank you for helping me through a really rough time.
admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Your welcome!

Can I help you with anything more specific?

hannah

May 28, 2014 at 5:37 pm

Hey i went a month and a bit with no contact and then i decided to send a letter through post and its been more than a week and i havent even heard from him since we broke up how the hek do i get him back 🙁

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Why a letter? Why not a text?
hannah

May 31, 2014 at 8:34 pm

I dont have his number anymore what should i do 🙁
admin

June 2, 2014 at 2:37 pm

Do you not have his number b/c he blocked you?
hannah

June 2, 2014 at 3:05 pm

No it was temptation for me to call him but im thinking of going nearbhis house on wednesday what is the best thing i could do to get hom back

Emily

May 28, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Hi Chris, I’m an idiot and broke no contact after 18 days so need some advice!
Feeling very disappointed in myself right now and I’m sure you are disappointed too 🙁 he had texted me 3 times and called me 4 times but I resisted those.
A moment of complete sadness hit me one day and I initiated contact. He replied saying he didn’t think I’d ever talk to him again. Anyway I didn’t beg or talk about the relationship but told him I was good and going out etc it was just a conversation about how are you really. I indicated we wouldn’t be friends by saying it’s going to be hard losing a best friend aswell and he said you’ll always be my best friend I just need to sort myself out. I refrained from getting angry at that point and ended the conversation with it need to sleep now I hope everything goes well for you. He then replied I hope we don’t lose contact and I’ll text you again soon and he said he missed me. I didn’t respond to any of that. He now thinks I’m fine and that we can be friends I think. Which I definitely do not want. Anyway I know I won’t reply to anymore texts but I know he will get his final Uni results in about 2 weeks and he is very likely going to text me how he did. I’m now panicking about what to do to come off best from this. I want to ignore but I’ve made out I’m fine so don’t want to seem bitter? So I don’t know whether I should just reply congrats 🙂 and that’s it? Don’t want to seem like I’m there for him either!

Please please help I’m beating myself up big time for putting myself in this position 🙁

Thanks so much

X

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Why are you beating yourself up?

Your not in that bad of a position.
Emily

June 4, 2014 at 6:01 pm

The poem didn’t make me feel good cause he’s just doing it to keep me hanging don’t you think?
Why do you think I’m not in a too bad position?
Also some other advice sites I’ve stumbled upon tell you, you should send an NC text ASAP after the break up basically saying I agree with your des cushion to break up. I think the decision was best for both of us etc and I would appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time I will be in touch when I’m ready? And then initiate NC. Just curious as to your thoughts on these texts?some ppl say it kind of takes control away from them and makes them ? Thanks 🙂
Emily

June 4, 2014 at 6:02 pm

Decision not des cushion* Haha
Emily

May 28, 2014 at 5:18 pm

Also he said that’s my girl and called me my nickname but was very obvious he wasn’t regretting the descision yet. When we broke up he said he still finds me physically beautiful he has just become emotionally detached (break up was like the flick of a switch). I make a big effort with my appearance so I do hope that is true and all his friends always commented on how he was punching above his weight. Anyway I was making out I was fine and not giving him any reaction to my nicknames and stuff. Help I’m really stuck how to act when he tells me his Uni results ? 🙁
Emily

May 29, 2014 at 10:37 am

This morning he sent me a poem called Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou who died yesterday. I havnt and won’t reply but it broke my heart as this is how he always made me feel. The reason for the break up was because he was under huge stress of final yum I exams and he has a lot of bad family problems that all happened at once. He said he needed to be by himself and he couldn’t make me happy. He didn’t want anyone else he just needed to sort himself out because he doesn’t like himself right now and can’t love me properly. Do you think he may be depressed? 🙁 he has been going out but not drinking as he said he can’t handle it right now.
Sorry for all the messages I’m just so lost with all of this 🙁

Thank you
admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:32 pm

Sad that May Angelou died yesterday. I heard that and got 🙁 .

Phenomenal Woman. I bet it made you feel good.

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