The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

G. Miracle

October 1, 2019 at 11:42 am

Hi,
I initiated the break up on the 21st of July, which was around 2 months plus ago. I gave the reason because we’ll be going into long distance and I didn’t want to have a huge fight and break up during our LDR, so we can still be friends if we broke up now (I was insecure and thought too much). I’ve regretted it ever since and tried all ways to get him back but he rejected me through text, calls and even face to face in real life, saying “I don’t see us being together anymore. Don’t do this anymore. When you broke up with me, I was hurt and I’ve lost all my feelings for you.” I’m now in the NC for the 9th day. What should I do? Do I still stand a chance? We broke up once last year, but it was caused by a small fight. We’ve been together for 1.5years.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 1, 2019 at 8:17 pm

Hi G, complete a 30 day NC and then when you’re done DO NOT ASK HIM BACK! This is skipping the value chain completely and also why you’re failing to get him back. Read through some of Chris’ articles and even his YouTube channel its full of information about how to reach out to your ex after a breakup and No Contact

Louise

September 19, 2019 at 7:41 pm

Hi,

I know your stand is to make contact if he hasn’t contact you during NC…Is this still the case if you have usually been the one to initiate contact after disagreements etc in the past? Almost three weeks into NC and dealing with a very stubborn guy!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 21, 2019 at 2:48 pm

Hey Louise, yes still reach out but you need to make sure your first text has great hook, get him curious enough to reply and then make sure its on topic to his interests. Good Luck

Elimar

September 15, 2019 at 6:36 pm

Hello Chris…

I have tried the no contact rule previously on my ex fiancé but during the no contact I have received texts from him regarding important matters that he wanted to update me on in his life ( as I was there for the process and support) and recently him letting me know he has my mail at the house that he wants me to retrieve it (in which I told him I was too busy to get my mail and told him to just mail it to my new home), but my issue is that I keep responding ( obviously cause I care ). I am now at a point in which I just want to start the N.C. all over again. Last time we connected via text was on Sept. 6th regarding the mail . So Should I completely start the NC over again? Fresh start?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 17, 2019 at 8:30 am

Hi Elimar, I would suggest to restart yes and stick with a complete No Contact this time unless its shared responsibility. As hard as it you need to follow the No Contact rule properly for it to be effective

Mia

September 12, 2019 at 11:57 pm

I don’t know if I should start the NC….my bf broke up with me last night and insisted that we should just be friends for now….However next week he promised that he would sit with me as I have to testify against an abusive ex in court and I want to know if he’s still coming….then his 24th birthday is later next month and I already purchased him an expensive gift….I don’t know what I should do…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 15, 2019 at 12:27 am

In this circumstance I would follow a LIMITED no contact until after the trial and then continue with a full NC after.

Seema

September 9, 2019 at 10:25 am

Hi Chris,
I have goofed up a lot lately. its been 6 months of actual break up. everytime I start NC and he comes back near office in a month, drunk saying he misses me, like a stupid i tag along thinking he will take a stand this time. His parents have opposed the marriage due to caste (Indians you know) and he is not ready take a stand for us. 3 times we got together and because he is not ready for marriage I told I cant do this and again after a month I miss him, he comes back and we are together for a month. its been same for past 6 months. last time I told him clearly to only come back to me if he wants to marry me, its been more a month and he is not here but has posted video of taking drugs and partying on his status. this worries me though I hate him. what should I do? My parents looking for groom and I have no time to restart and build the relationship and waste time since I am not sure he will ever ready to take stand. but I cant take him out my mind and move on constantly I am checking his last seen on fb and insta. and also it hurts to see him with someone else and to see my myself with someone else
Seema

September 8, 2019 at 5:42 pm

Hello Chris, I goofed up a lot its been 6 months we broke up and from then, it is 1 month of NC and then a month being together, he is stuborn that he cant get married to me cause of his parents and caste issue. (Indians you know). but ends up near office drunk midnight and like a stupid I tag along thinking this time he will stand for me. its been three times now, I genuinely want to move on but I am confused also, I told him clearly not come to me if he has no intentions of marriage and he has not contacted me since then, its been little more than a month of no contact. he had put a status of partying and taking drugs. I am worried what should I do, my parents are forcing me for marriage I hve no much time for this no contact rule and getting back and all these things. But I miss him a lot and feels like he will not come back this time

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 10:23 pm

Hi Seema, so to get a guy to commit, especially to the level of marriage. You would need to become his “perfect woman” where also showing you’re not willing to wait around for him anymore. Look at articles about, What men want, being ungettable, making men commit. All the materials can be found on this website and are a great tool to have if you want to get him back. Good Luck 🙂

Emma

August 28, 2019 at 7:45 pm

Hi Chris, I stumbled upon your website 2 weeks ago and did the NC rule without realising, however my ex messaged me after 12 days saying ‘hope you’re okay’, I responded after a day and then eventually we spoke on the phone which ended in an argument and me basically begging for him back (I’m not pleased about this). He hung up the phone on me and since then I’ve carried on the NC rule and it’s been a month since that incident and I haven’t heard from him. Have I ruined my chances to get back with him? We’ve been broken up for almost 2 months and it’s getting too much. He said he has anxiety issues. We’ve been together for 4.5 years and we broke up once last year due to him dealing with personal issues. Should I carry on with NC?
Emma

August 28, 2019 at 6:06 pm

Hi Chris, I stumbled upon your website 2 weeks ago and did the NC rule without realising, however my ex messaged me after 12 days saying ‘hope you’re okay’, I responded after a day and then eventually we spoke on the phone which ended in an argument and me basically begging for him back (I’m not pleased about this). He hung up the phone on me and since then I’ve carried on the NC rule and it’s been a month since that incident and I haven’t heard from him. Have I ruined my chances to get back with him? We’ve been broken up for almost 2 months and it’s getting too much. He said he has anxiety issues. We’ve been together for 4.5 years and we broke up once last year due to him dealing with personal issues.
Gen

August 27, 2019 at 12:21 pm

Hi, Cris! Just wanted to drop by to say that I found your website when my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We’ve been having a lot of fights the past few months that we couldn’t get past, that was why he broke up with me. He tried keeping it a friendly break up, but I immediately employed no contact because I didn’t agree with him. It had been a difficult week, but I tried to make each day count, changing little things about my self and keeping myself busy. He texted me after just a week to get me back. We talked about our relationship like we haven’t before and what our problems had been and what I’ve decided to change about myself, the things I decided to do. And we’ve felt happier since. I’ve noticed him change things about himself too, to follow suit, without me telling him to. Thank you for your insights!!

Chris Seiter

August 27, 2019 at 8:58 pm

Your welcome Gen….best of luck to you and yours

Legaleagle22

August 22, 2019 at 12:09 pm

Just wanted to say thank you – 1 year on from the no contact rule and we are now happier than ever and engaged! Last summer I was heartbroken and wondering where our 4 year relationship went wrong, no contact literally saved my sanity and ultimately brought us back together. It’s unpleasant and difficult but it really does work, I just wanted to say to all the people currently in the middle of it, frantically reading advice and looking for help – stay positive, stay focused and have faith.

Chris Seiter

August 22, 2019 at 2:20 pm

Hi Legaleagle….I am so happy for you and wish you and yours the very best going forward.

Claire

August 21, 2019 at 7:43 pm

Hi Chris –
Quick question: What if my “boyfriend” has made no contact with me during NC? He broke off the relationship on July 24th during a rare argument in the middle of the night. We saw each other to talk/walk on Aug 3. We texted a few times, met again on the 7th when I dropped things by his house, and walked/talked for over an hour. The next day, the 8th, I phoned to clarify something that was heavy on my heart. He thanked me. I ended the call by saying “see you later”, he was silent – I asked if there was anything else, he said, “I don’t want to say good-bye”. I said, well, you could say, “I’ll see you”. He did. He also said, I’ll ping you, I assume text. We hung up. There has been no contact from him since. I believe that I will probably be the one to contact him after 30 days. Many plans for the end of August (two weddings and a trip to Napa) were devastated since the breakup. When I explained that I was truly hurt over this, he just said, “Well, it’s done”. I’ve been journaling, as I do regularly, but am convinced that he is through. Where do I stand during this NC time and should I even continue? Thank you.
Sarah Thacker

August 19, 2019 at 10:47 am

Day 11. He has not made contact. I am so sad and I miss him so much. I was not even atracted to him when I first met him. But he was so good at saying, doing and texting the right things I could not help but fall for him. It was a long distance thing six hours by car actually. After he told me to get lost I found him on cheating type websites looking for married strangers to please sexually and looking for nothing else. It is hard for me to understand why he chose that over me. It does not appear that I will hear from him but I am still waiting for the NC to work. I feel like a complete loser.
Maduke

August 13, 2019 at 3:31 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a year and a half ago… he stills call me from time to time and he said that he still loves me… I’m so confused because I am crazy about him… he is seeing someone and he is 55 and she is 35… what should I do…
Brenda

July 30, 2019 at 10:21 pm

Chris,
My live in boyfriend left me after 13 years for another woman at his work. He moved in with her the day he left me only I did not know about her till about a week. She works directly with him. They live together, ride to work together and go to lunch together. He had an affair for 30 days with a previous woman at his work with a different woman at his work then came back to me. He left me 60 days ago and I did not use the no contact rule and he wouldn’t respond to text or email other than an email to say we had been living as roommates for 5 years of which is not true. He took this new woman he lives with to meet his family within a month of living with her and they both have in a relationship on Facebook? Will the no contact rule work now? Or does it mean he has moved on and I should just forget about him after being together 13 years?
Roseen

July 22, 2019 at 7:17 pm

Hello Chris,

My boyfriend ended our 5 month old relationship, we knew each other about 7 months total but began dating much later. We never argued. One day he called and said he needed to talk to me. I was working. I called him back and asked if something is wrong. I guess my instincts kicked in so I asked him if he was breaking up with me. He did not answer me, but just insisted he wanted to see me and that he was close by and can come by my home later. I told him I’ll come by his home after work. The bottom line is that he wanted to stop seeing me, that he was not in love with me the way I deserved to be loved and that he just need time to assess his heart and feelings for me. It Crushed me deeply and he know that. He asked me if I believe that absence make the heart grow fonder? Honestly, he was gently and caring as he told me how he was feeling. I cried briefly, and quickly regained self-control. He said a lot, some things he said were painful. There was no outburst from me, I just felt a deep void building up in me. We got along so well together. In leaving he held me close and was very sweet and gentle and asked “Do I believe in faith”, All in all, I was at his house for about two hours or more, then left.

We spoke a few times since that faithful day. I went on a trip for a few days, which I had planned a while back and he was aware. I had family visiting from overseas. When i returned home, a couple of days later I sent a simple text “We are back” He called almost immediately. I did not answer, he texted and called again, and left message that he was hoping to take my family member and I out to dinner. I gave his invitation long thought and accepted and called him back to tell him so. We all met. it was a pleasant dinner. In parting he hugged me and said “I’ll call you”. I have not heard from since and I have not contacted him. It’s been about 25 days now. I believe in the No Contact rule.

I am at the stage now I am ready to reach out to him but by sending him a well thought out letter which I have written but have not yet sent it. I do want us to get back together. Maybe I will wait another week or more before I send it. I agree with your timeline suggestion for NC, and that we use what we will work best for our unique situation. I may take it to 45 days, even if he reaches out to me before then. If he does not reach out to me I will still send the letter.
Sorsha

July 13, 2019 at 7:24 pm

The start of June my boyfriend (of one year) and I had a fight and he dumped me. Before I found your site I begged and pleaded over the next two weeks to get him back. He displays some narcissistic behavior and I am definitely empathetic. He isolated me from any other men during our relationship and controlled my schedule. He became cold and distant in the month before we broke up, leading to me clinging harder which led to our fight. He is 19 I am 32. I implemented no contact rule and lasted 20 days before I broke down on my birthday and sent him messages. During no contact he had been lying about me to his friends, being really nasty about me. He ignored me for a week after I sent the messages and then I received a message he wanted to fix things. He said he wanted to have a video chat first because he missed the sexual aspect of our relationship. I told him I didn’t trust it but he said to trust him, that he wasn’t goin anywhere. We did a video chat that was sexual and when we were done he blocked me and we haven’t spoken since. Since then I asked a mutual friend to message him to ask how he was doing. My ex told our mutual friend I lied, talked down to him, and manipulated him the entire relationship and to cut contact with me while he still could. I don’t know where to go from here, if I even want someone like this back, at this point I just want to have a normal conversation with him but he is so cold and mean and revengeful towards me. Please help.
Yasmine Gardner

June 27, 2019 at 1:51 pm

Hi guys, I am still continuing the NC rule for 18th day but in any case my ex hasn’t contacted me so there was no temptation to break it and in general I am not breaking the rule unless he asks for his stuff back. To be honest, I don’t see my ex coming back to me, since he is thinking it a lot before making such a decision and till how he has never go back to any of his exes. The only “advantage” I have comparing to others is that we were staying together for 3 years while his previous longest “cohabitation” was 8 months. But I am not sure if this is enough to feel nostalgic about his relationship. He blamed me for a lot of stuff that he was holding all these years, but to be honest all of these could be solved with discussion and understanding. In any case, the real problem was the “routine” that you get in some long relationships. Anyway, he told some very mean staff to me and I have a feeling that he actually hates me. I told him to calm down and that he is angry and think about his decision and he told me there is no way he will regret it. After “begging” him to think it with a cool mind he told him to pack some of his basic staff (like socks, a pair of trousers etc) and he took his laptop and left. 5 mins after leaving he called me to tell me that if I needed something he will be there for me, but I told him there is no such worry because I won’t.
There are some things here that I am trying to figure out. This happened on a weekend and he said that the next weekend after that he will be back for his staff. At this point I need to mention that these staff are important and not some clothes. Like everything, his books that he needs for his job, his computer screen, his bankbooks, even the keys for his summer house etc. So I was expecting that he will indeed come next weekend. But two weekends passed and nothing and soon we will have the third weekend. I don’t want to send him, so I won’t break the no contact rule. But what if the NC period pass (45 days I am thinking) and he has not come, should I send him regarding that? Like when he is coming to pick up the things or is it bad to reastablish contact with that? Or even something simpler, like the photos of the keys of the cottage (he is a very absent minded person, so perhaps he has forgotten that the keys are with me.

Chris Seiter

June 27, 2019 at 1:55 pm

Hi Yasmine….so you really need to pick up my Program, “EBR PRO Bundle”, as it will walk you through all the details of a sensible ex recovery plan. So after your NC period is over, I encourage my clients to reach out to their ex using a certain methodology that is covered in my Program.

Lígia

June 26, 2019 at 10:59 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke up one week ago. We were together for almost 6 years, and it was a long distance relationship, in which we were committed to seeing each other every 2 weeks. Everything was going great, or so I thought because he never gave any hints that he felt like something was wrong. In last May, we even planned our summer holidays together for August, got it pre-paid and all!
Then, in the beginning of June he said he felt like there was no future in the relationship, that feeling like that wore out the feelings he had and that he felt out of love (“the feelings have died”, he said).
We got together last week to talk about things and for him to see how he felt (at least he kept saying he hadn’t made a decision yet and that he needed to be with me in order to figure it out), I kept the conversation light and fun, but when it came to down to really be serious about it, he had his mind made up and we broke up.
Since then, I’ve made a lot of the mistakes this article describes (the desperation, the confusion, the obsession,…) and nothing came of it. So, I searched the web and found this website.
I read it all. Also, I begun the “no contact” period three days ago.
I really love him, I don’t understand what happened because it came out of nowhere. He says he wants to keep in touch, because he doesn’t want our 6 years together going to waste, but I don’t want be just his “good friend” 🙁
My question is: do you think there’s any way I can turn this around?
Thank you so much

Chris Seiter

June 26, 2019 at 11:17 pm

Hi Ligia….yes, I think by embracing No contact and implementing it in the way I teach in my Program and doing all other things that make up my Program – you give yourself much better odds. Check out my Program – EBR Pro Bundle for a comprehensive solution.

Sam

June 25, 2019 at 4:00 pm

What happens if you break the no contact? Do you have to restart the no contact for 45 days?

Chris Seiter

June 25, 2019 at 4:12 pm

Not necessarily Sam. It depends on how far along you are. Consider picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, to learn much more.

Lila

June 24, 2019 at 11:33 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m doing the no contact rule with my ex, it’s been a week and he wrote to me twice, to know how I was doing, but I didnt answer. The thing is, I still have my own profile on his Netflix account. When we broke up he really wanted to stay friends so he told me to keep using his account, but now that I’m in no contact I dont know if that’s still relevant. Thoughts on this?

Also, I was wondering if ignoring his texts is only going to give him the impression that I’m ghosting him, and that this will make him move on. Isnt it what most people would do? You talk about when an ex get mad cause we’re not answering his texts/messages, but what if this cause permanent damage? I’ve read advices against telling him I need space right now, and instead to just ignore him straight. I’d really like to get your insight on this. Thanks! 🙂

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6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”