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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Danika
January 27, 2015 at 7:07 am
Hi Chris
Thank you so very much for these pages. What incredible encouragement you give. Very inspiring.
I have spent the last six months with a guy who I met off a dating site. But ‘not in a relationship’ as he stated clearly from the start he didn’t want one. Ironic when on a dating site. So we spent lots of nights together and the odd morning but that was it. No dating, no going out, no meeting his friends/family etc. I called it quits when I realised it was a pretty one sided relationship and I was the reliable booty call.
I felt very used. It was easy telling him I couldn’t do it anymore, he accepted it and seemed surprise it had even lasted that long. But he did say we could stop the intimacy and still be friends, he didn’t want to lose that.
A couple of days later I had him over for dinner as my way of beginning the friendship, but when he left I had the feeling he was pleased to leave, and I’ve had no contact from him since. So doing the nc part is easier than I thought – he has initiated it rather than me, but the longer it goes on, I’m hurting big time.
He is a very lovely guy, with a good heart and has had a long term relationship previously, so I’m feeling I made a mistake by getting strong enough to call it off as my needs weren’t being met.
Is this a situation where I stand any chance, or no chance?
Any advice will be appreciated.
Thank you.
admin
January 27, 2015 at 3:14 pm
Thank you Danika!
You definietly stand a chance.
ARe you plannin gon doing NC?
Danika
January 28, 2015 at 4:29 am
I fully plan on following this. Even though I’m really hurting right now, I’m inspired by the feedback that proves I do stand a chance. I have taken it a step further and decided to re-start Day 1 again (twice!) as I have seen him driving around the area – he lives close. And that alone was enough to make my heart sink. So I’m beginning to get it, that to recover in a positive way, I need a clear head for what may/may not happen in the future.
Thank you.
admin
January 28, 2015 at 5:00 pm
Glad you plan on following it.
And very good pick up about the clear head.
Geri
January 27, 2015 at 6:29 am
Chris! Help! I broke no contact twice! I was doing so well and he kept texting me and I caved, it even lead to a phone call! Ahhhh! Then started over and lasted the same about of time as the first (about 10 days or so) then I texted him!, it was not a good the second time-he was irritated and basically blamed me for everything:( so I started once again and have not contacted him, doing good but going nuts this time because its been 17 days and i haven’t heard a thing from either. Will this work even though NC has been broken twice? Tell me the harsh truth, I’ve got no chance at getting him back now right?
admin
January 27, 2015 at 3:12 pm
You need to be more disciplined. Today a girl who was doing NC got 41 missed calls from her ex because she was doing NC.
Brenda Lilly
January 27, 2015 at 4:34 am
Hey Chris,
I would be so grateful if you took the time to read through this. I have a somewhat unique situation. I am in college and have been talking to this boy since the beginning of September. About a month ago we started texting every day hanging out almost every day (live in the same building) and hung out on the weekends (intimately not just as friends). The connection we have, the comfortability and honesty between each other is so different from any relationship I have had before. He has said the same thing about me and said he had dated someone for four years and in the one month we have been talking he has never had something like it before. However, he does not want to be exclusive. I told him that he had to make a choice. That he could not hang out/text every day with me and have fun with other girls on the weekend. He has said that I am so different and do not even compare to other girls so hooking up with other girls would not effect his connection with me. He said he does not want to hurt me by getting into an exclusive relationship and messing up. I said he had to make a choice and he said he was not ready to be exclusive. He was very upset, and he kept asking me for more time to make a choice. What do you think of this situation? I am attempting to implement NC, however, I have already run into him twice and he has tried to talk. Is NC implementable in this specific case?
admin
January 27, 2015 at 3:04 pm
It absolutely is!
Rochelle
January 26, 2015 at 3:17 pm
So, 20 days into NC and I broke it. I texted him a Bible verse that made me think of him and added “I hope you’re doing well”. No response. I’m not surprised he didn’t respond, but I’m also bummed. I’ve never been completely ignored before. I know I would have to start NC over, but is it even worth it at this point?
admin
January 27, 2015 at 2:10 pm
Bible verse?
What was the thinking there?
Rochelle
January 27, 2015 at 2:29 pm
We’re both spiritual, and it’s a verse very similar to one of his favorites. It was something for encouragement because he told me before we broke up that he wasn’t in the best of mental spaces.
What to do :)
January 26, 2015 at 12:16 pm
Hi
I broke up with my ex in August. After me being too needy and him not being sure about what he wanted.
He worked away from August until the end of November. I used this time as no contact, and replied to two emails only, and then went into no contact for over two months. He likes things on FB and posted a lot, something that he does not usually do.
When he got back he contacted me, I waited a day to reply and then replied and said all was well. He said that he wanted to check in that we were friends. I said that we were and ended to text conversation. Two weeks later, a picture and reminder of lovely times, I replied saying that this was nice. And then a flirty merry Christmas and the same for new year. I messaged the following morning and we had a conversation that I ended, he then text to say that he’d like me to ‘keep him posted’ re anything I had to add to the conversation that we had had. This was almost four weeks ago and I haven’t replied.
I think he is mint and want to have a relationship with him, however am aware that we went from serious to him picking me up and putting me down when it was god for him. He’s by far a bad person, however seemed confused and not sure of what he wanted.
I am currently coming up to my 30 days of no contact. I did this in hope that he may instigate contact, but am now wondering if he may just think that I am not bothered.
Thing is I want to be with him, but not if it’s in a half arsed/ unsure kind of way … as I think this would be unhealthy.
I guess I’m writing to ask … would you advise that I hold out for him and / risk losing what may only be a causal relationship/ instigate contact after 30 days?
On a side note … no contact has done me the world of good … I feel clear about what I want … but (and I hope this doesn’t sound silly) but … I am unsure about making contact with him because this may indicate that I was happy with what we had before … which I was not.
carol
January 23, 2015 at 3:10 pm
hi kevin,
it’s been two weeks since me and my boyfriend broke up. he cheated on me. we’re two years in a relationship. November this year,2015, i felt there’s something very unusual with him. i checked on his fb and i saw woman who is flirting with him. he denied me to this girl for several times, as he said on their conversation. i also confronted the girl and she said they were a month in a relationship. i told this to him and he only said sorry everytime i asked him. so i broke up with him. after a week, i’ve been miserable and i dont know why i texted him that i want him back, i love him so much, and he said, “you’d just gave me away and then you want me to return from you?” that’s only for a night. and after that we had fight, i told him how bad he is. then after that night, i said sorry for everything. i said i love him and i miss him, and didn’t text him. and additional to that story, he asked me what i wanted him to do, i replied that he leave the girl but he didnt answer. i knew he wouldnt do what i want. he explained that it’s just happened that he fell in love with the girl. he doesnt even know why.
he said he loves me. he loves me but he dont want to leave the girl for me? 🙂 thank you for paying attention to this message and if there will be advices that you will give, much appreciated. 🙂
admin
January 23, 2015 at 4:04 pm
Have you implemented the NC rule yet?
carol
January 23, 2015 at 3:11 pm
may mistake! it’s chris. im sorry.
vanessa
January 23, 2015 at 5:56 am
hi … i’ve been dating a guy on and off for the past year. and i want to commit to him but i made a mistake by giving him my ALL.
well, i’ve given him the no contact but it didnt last very long. it did open up his attention. about 6 months past now and i decided to do it again and this time 30-day. i heard he’s dating someone else now and i feel its more of a fling than anything but do you think this 30-day method will work the same with someone i’m just dating too?
admin
January 23, 2015 at 4:36 pm
I think it will.
onkar
January 22, 2015 at 1:43 pm
Hey….just want to keep it short!
I was insecure regarding her new guy friend who was serious about my girl….she used to mention a lot about him everytime…even to her friends and family…things went for a toss as i wasnt comfortable….she felt i was doubting her loyalty after 3 years of our relationship…but trust me i didnt doubt her…i just had a feeling that she might be liking him for certain things like a better career and age difference…etc!
Yes i made a big mistake by talking to people outside regarding my relationship problems….and when people came asking her about her guy friend…she said she doesnt trust me anymore!….she called off the relationship and told me its over and there is nothing gonna happen in future.
Now im stuck up…cuz i was shit serious…it was our first relationship…we didnt speak at all for a month..and when i contacted her after that….she said shes moving on !
Will the NC still help???
Hjalte
January 22, 2015 at 4:08 am
Hey Chris! I really love reading you pages, it makes me think positive thoughtd about my entire situation.
So I met this girl and we became best friends. She had a drug problem that I helped her through and it was very tough. She promised me to never take drugs again. After a while she became my girlfriend. We were dating for about 6 months and I loved her more than ever. But then a lot of problems startet to happen. She had just moved in at my house. I live in the basement and have 1 room. Er loved it for about 1.5 month, but then u got sick with my stomach and I wasnt really able to do anything for a month. In this month we grew tired if eachother, I mean who wouldnt after 1 month of constantly spending every day just laying in bed. We then realised that we lived eachother so much that we wanted to be a part of each others lives for a long time, and that this couldnt happen when we were dating. So she moved out and we tried to build a strong friendship instead. We were both madly in love so we decided that we were only friends right now but we wouldnt see other people until we would get it all in perspejtive. Then after 2 month we had an agreement that we were going to watch a movie on saturday. Friday ahe is out with some friends and she tells me that she is heading home. But the next day I get a call frim her because she is having a bad reaction to Amphetamine aka. Speed that she had taken the night before without telling me. I got crushed because my first girlfriend cheated on me so trust is very important for me. I felt like she was betraying me and disrespekting me after everythinf that I had done for her. But she explained that she had had a rough time and she didnt know who she was and needed to know who she wasn’t. So I forgave her if she promised me never to take drugs again. She promised. A couple of month pass and we are in a very rough patch because I’m having a hard time trusting her. We also kissed and had sex a couple of times during this period. But things get better and on the 22. December 2014 we agree that we are now only friends and nothing more. But we agree that we will take it slow so once one of us have kissed with someone we would tell the other person so that we could get through it together. After new she gets a psychiatrist because ahe has some food problems. She is really bumbed about this and I love her so I ask her to move into my house and stay here for as long as she needs untill she gets better. She then moves in and everything is going great! So great that I’m falling inlove with her again. But then today january 22. 2015. We get into a fight about some pictures she had taken with a girl that she had kissed with while we were dating. I then tell her that I want no more secrets. She tells me that there are none left. But I could feel that that wasnt true. So after about 1 1/2 hour of trying to get her to tell me, she tells me that she had dealt some drugs for a friend of hers a couple of months back. I get angry and upset but I can feel that there is more. I always trust my gut. So after 1 hour more of asking. She tells me that 2 minth back she took some coke at a party. She knew how sad it was going to make me and that I would have a difficult time trusting her again after the first time with the drugs. But no no there is more. I then asked her to tell me everything. Put it all on the table. She said she couldn’t because I would hate her forever. But finally she told me that about 1.5 weeks ago, she had sex with someone. Her old best friend Anton. I got insanely sad han crushed that she hadn’t told me all this. I thought I knew her. A person that I spend almost erveryday with. I kick her out of the house and cries for hours without end. I then call another one of my friends and she tells me that my “ex girlfriend” told her about that she had had sex with anton at our new years party. Which means that they had had sex way before 1.5 weeks ago. I call her and asks why she lied about it. She says that she doesn’t know. But then I see the bigger picture. She had had sex with anton before december 31. But we only agreed to just be friends and take it slow on december 22. So within 9 days of that agreement she fucked him. But after new years we kissed and almost had sex multiple times. After she had sex with him. She says that she did it because she needed to move on, but that shw whishes she had never done it. I can’t help but to feel that she cheated on me. Abused me. Lied to me. And Took advantage if me. Even if she didnt cheat, we still agreed to take it slow and we agreed to Tell eachother. And she promised never tot ake drugs again. She did all of these things after I had done everything for her. But I stilm sit here in my bed, and wants to forgive her and luve with her. But I don’t know if I should, I don’t know if I can. My friends tell me to let her go! And I really want to. But we were special. We really was. I was thinking of doing the No Contact rule on her. To kind of get my mind right. But she is comming over tomorrow to pick up her stuff. And I’m so afraid that if 30 days pass and I want to forgive her. Thats she then had sex with other dudes during those 30 days. And if I have with other women, that she then won’t be able to “forgive” me. I really need some guidance her.
Hjalte
admin
January 22, 2015 at 5:03 pm
Definitely do NC on her. She seems very messed up.
Hjalte
January 22, 2015 at 4:29 am
Sorry about some of the kayboard mistakes!
admin
January 22, 2015 at 5:02 pm
NP
Julie
January 21, 2015 at 5:11 pm
I just recently found out that my boyfriend of almost five years cheated on me almost a year ago. I found out by looking at his facebook messages and the worse part is that he had contacted her a few weeks ago more like seeing how she was doing. I felt so angry I sent him the screen shots of their conversation and told him I hope it was worth it. He only tried calling me 9 times when that happened and I ignored all of the calls. I didn’t speak to him two days after until I sent him a bunch of angry texts and he got mad as well so that’s when he said there was in point of keeping contact and basically saying we couldn’t be together even though I had initiated the break up.
Saturday I see he tried to text me all day apologizing for what he did instead if making excuses like he tried before when we had our angry conversation. He said it hurts him that we suddenly stopped talking and offered to be there for me regardless. I didn’t reply at all to the messages trying to keep NC. Monday morning he sent a long message apologizing and explaining how sorry he was about cheating and that he still loves me and he can’t fix what he’s done. I still haven’t responded, and once he saw I didn’t respond he left me with bye Julie and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s hard to do NC I admit that and I do miss him. I’m still figuring out whether I can forgive him but part of me also thinks that he wouldn’t want to continue being in the relationship.
I feel like wouldn’t he fight for me if he still wanted to be with me? All I got were texts explaining him being sorry, no phone calls just texts. If he really wanted this wouldn’t he put in more effort? Should I still continue NC even if he sent me those messages and I’m scared that because I didn’t reply he wouldn’t try to message me again :-(. He claims it was one mistake and that he has been in this relationship till the end but it’s hard to believe him since I never thought he would be able to cheat on me. Should I still do NC for the full 30 days? Right now I’m at 6 days of NC on my end.
admin
January 22, 2015 at 4:44 pm
Well, th equestion you need to ask is do you really want him back?
Emma
January 20, 2015 at 10:33 pm
Hey Chris! Bought your book and have enjoyed reading through it!
I have been doing no contact for 22 days. My ex and I work together and have basically been ignoring each other. He contacted me two days ago for the first time through text and said we needed to get over the awkwardness between us. I responded because I felt like it would be more awkward to see him at work after the text when he was trying to make things right. He apologized for how he had purposely been acting like a jerk after the breakup because he thought that would help me get over it. We ended up talking about more of our relationship than the plan suggests. He said he did miss me and that he has had a hard time with the breakup. I told him I felt the same way and asked him why he didn’t think we would get back together. He said he thought I was a great girl but at the end of the day we weren’t meant to be. He said I deserve someone better than him and didn’t think it would work.
I think we’ve both changed during the two months that we’ve been broken up and really could end up together. I just have to convince him to give me another chance. He is a senior in college and, although he hasn’t said this, I honestly think he is scared of his future and doing a long distance relationship. The conversation went really well and we agreed to say hey at work but that we both need a little space.
I plan on completing the next 10 days of no contact and then initiating the texting. Will this still work since we had contact or do I need to start completely over with 30 days? The conversation seemed very beneficial to us. He’s leaving town in 4 months and I think he is going to grow farther away if we don’t start working on getting back together soon. We did not have a bad breakup at all. He broke up with me because we argued too much and we both cried during the breakup. What would your advice be from here? Do I have a chance? I really look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for your help!
admin
January 21, 2015 at 3:08 pm
Hi Emma!
Glad you enjoyed the book!
I think it will still work though technically you should start over (we can give you a pass though.)
Emma
January 21, 2015 at 4:44 pm
Thanks Chris! I forgot to mention before that when we texted it was clear that I had still had feelings for him and would want another chance. Does that change anything? Do you think 15 more days of NC would suffice before I start texting him?
admin
January 22, 2015 at 3:45 pm
Not too much to be honest.
Emma
February 11, 2015 at 5:59 am
Hey again Chris! I am into the texting stages of the ebook. We have talked three or so times and the last time seemed to go really well with a memory. We see each other at work and are finally being normal and joking around with each other. I am about to start the week of texting every day but I’m kinda nervous he is going to back away and realize something is up.
How do I know he’s not responding just because he wants to be friends again? Is that what he thinks this is? I definitely don’t want to get friend zoned! What’s your opinion
admin
February 11, 2015 at 2:14 pm
Congrats for making it this far.
Just make sure you are ending convos at the high point and ending first and you should be golden.
Steph
January 20, 2015 at 8:49 pm
Hey Chris,
Garrett and I have been best friends for 2 years. I fell for him pretty instantly, deeper than I’ve ever felt for anyone before (and I was once married… I feel more for Garrett than I ever did for my ex-husband). I told Garrett I was into him about 6 months after we met, but he said he didn’t feel the same about me (he was into another girl at the time, who never dated him, and he is long over her now).
Garrett and I have been super close, and he told me that he has more emotional intimacy with me than he’s ever had with anyone in his life. Around Halloween, we started sleeping together. We’d been “cuddle buddies” for a while, then one night cuddling (both of us completely sober) got a bit hot and heavy, and we’ve been sleeping together ever since. But in the last couple months, I’ve noticed that the emotional intimacy has gotten a lot weaker than it used to be… he still opens up to me about important things, but only when I ask. He didn’t even tell me when his aunt died, I found out through his sister… something huge for him that he would’ve told me right away just a few months ago. We used to text all day, every day, and wouldn’t stop until one of us fell asleep; but now, we only text every few days, and it’s always short conversations now.
Garrett and I had a talk a few weeks ago, and I brought up the subject of dating. His response was that “we hang out a lot,” though we’ve never been on a date. Then he followed it up with “I’m not really thinking of dating anyone at all right now. It’s just not a priority for me.” (We’re both in our early 30s, if that makes any difference.)
I’ve realized that this isn’t really a relationship and at this point I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. He’s getting the girlfriend experience from me without the commitment and with the option of asking other girls out (though he hasn’t, and says he doesn’t plan to). I want something more between us. I’m almost always the one who initiates contact, and pretty much always the one who makes plans to hang out. I’m thinking of initiating NC, but I keep holding myself back because I’m afraid that if I do, it’ll just fizzle out the friendship and I’ll lose him altogether. Plus, since I’m always the one initiating contact, I don’t think he’ll really notice if he hasn’t heard from me in a while.
I just keep thinking that all I have right now is all I’m going to get from him, and I hold on to that because I almost feel I’d rather have this half-assed relationship than nothing with him at all. But I know I’m worth more, and I know there are other guys out there who are willing to give me the world (and he knows this, too, but also knows I’m only interested in him). I want him, and I want him to treat me what I’m worth.
Do you think there’s hope, or do you think that since I’ve been “giving the milk away for free” (as the saying goes) that I’ll just lose him? What’s your advice?
admin
January 21, 2015 at 3:04 pm
I really think you should take a chance and do the NC.
SHARA
January 20, 2015 at 3:13 am
Hi Chris, please reply to my post 🙁
admin
January 20, 2015 at 3:49 pm
Hi there!
I am replying now.
Shara
January 26, 2015 at 6:06 am
Hi Chris,
Me & my boyfriend have been together for a year.He’s 8 years younger than me,Im his 1st gf.e’s 15, we never had any problem at our age gap, or hard time adjusting. Atually we didn’t feel like we had age gaps at all. Everything was really great, I know he loves me so much, there was nothing he won’t do for me, and everyday we always hang out.His family & friends will say that his whole world seems to revolve around me. Honestly I think I was a little bit of a high maintenance girl as you’ve mentioned (I’m hoping I can work it out). Controlling a little bit, but I don’t stop him on having fun or going out, only if I think it wold do no good on him. We broke last month because we had a fight, it was me who broke up with him. Within that whole month I tried everything to reach out, text him, call him, I even planned an apology surprise for him, send him foods & letters. No response. NOw I have started the NO Contact, but still I’m on the 3rd day. Will it works?I mean though I was a bit controlling & high maintenance before?HE unfriend me on facebook, and his cousins told me that he has a new girl as his phone wallpaper, and his friends told me that before we broke up he gave a girl a gift,,, Please help me. He has been ignoring me since the break up and I don’t know if he’s mad or he dont care on me at all
Shara
January 26, 2015 at 3:20 am
Hi Chris,
Me & my boyfriend have been together for a year.He’s 8 years younger than me,Im his 1st gf. Everything was really great, I know he loves me so much, there was nothing he won’t do for me, and everyday we always hang out.His family & friends will say that his whole world seems to revolve around me. Honestly I think I was a little bit of a high maintenance girl as you’ve mentioned (I’m hoping I can work it out). Controlling a little bit, but I don’t stop him on having fun or going out, only if I think it wold do no good on him. We broke last month because we had a fight, it was me who broke up with him. Within that whole month I tried everything to reach out, text him, call him, I even planned an apology surprise for him, send him foods & letters. No response. NOw I have started the NO Contact, but still I’m on the 3rd day. Will it works?I mean though I was a bit controlling & high maintenance before?HE unfriend me on facebook, and his cousins told me that he has a new girl as his phone wallpaper, and his friends told me that before we broke up he gave a girl a gift,,, Please help me 🙂
Caroline
January 21, 2015 at 12:48 pm
Hi Chris!
I think it’s one of the best websites I’ve ever written about trying to get the relationship back! I’m writing to you just to ask some important question for me about NC rule: is it going to work if me and my ex-boyfriend had contact for about 2 months after a break-up?
We have met four times . For about two months I was so distraught, begging him to come back. During the second meeting mostly I cried a lot. I wrote to him sometimes and he responded me almost always.
After about two months I said to myself “stop, what you’re doing hasn’t gave you any positive results, you have to change the way of thinking” I was so angry at him but still missed him a lot so I decided to propose him on the third meeting to start seeing each other in a friendly atmosphere without any decisions, exactions… He said yes and agrees. I was so happy but I have waited for about two weekes for his proposition to meet. I didn’t get it..
I wrote again, our conversation on facebook was so nice! Then we met, drunk coffe and talk, we were joking a lot and smiling. He also asked do I meet someone else.
The same evening he wrote me a text message, I stopped a conversation after 3 hours. The next day he called me on a phone (it lookes like he wanted to have a contact, doesn’t it? )
Then we met the last time, it was after Christmas.
The next day I was too brazen, texted him first and then called him. On the first of January he send me a message with the best wishes. Two days later we talked on the phone (he called me first). On the 4th of January we had the last contact, he wroted a message to me on Fcb.
Today is the 21st of January, we didn’t have any contact since 4th of January. What do you think about it? Im doing the NC rule, I want to cut off this contact for these 30 days as you said. But is it going to work ? Is it going to give some results after these 3 months os having contact with him? What can I do after these 30 days? Can I write him a message as you gave us advice?
(Sorry for some mistakes about English language, I’m not so good at speaking and writing 🙂 )
I’m waiting for you to reply on my post!
Best wishes,
Caroline
admin
January 21, 2015 at 3:24 pm
Yes, it can still work!!!!
Angela
January 19, 2015 at 5:52 pm
Hey Chris. I wrote to you a while ago but Im not sure if my comment went through to you so Im typing it with update here.. My boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me yesterday because he felt like he couldnt handle a relationship and his studies at the same time. He is trying to become a doctor and he gave his first Mcat Tuesday, he didnt do too well and he thinks its because he cant focus when he has a relationship to handle too. We have been through this twice before.. Everytime he gets a bad grade in his college courses, he automatically wants to leave. Same happened yesterday. He cried a lot while saying he doesn’t want to commit to this right now, and the day he feels he really can, he will come back to me. I responded with “but I cant wait all my life for your feelings to change, I have to move on too.” And he said, “yes, don’t wait for me if you cant.. But I don’t want to mend this relationship right now. ” we both cried and I left. I truly loved him and he still loves me too, Chris. But he feels like he cant do relationship and focus on his career and trying to become a doctor at the same time. Im really not sure if No contact rule will work.. I have never tried this before except for the time that I broke up because he flirted with another girl.. I ignored him and he texted me a lot. But that was it. Before when he used to break up because of his studies, he would come back within 2 days or even the next day and I would message him saying, its fine.. We can make it work.. But now, I dont want to take any risks. I dont know what to do, Chris. I messaged him the next night after the break up saying we can make it work.. We have other ways, we dont have to break up. We has such deep love for each other. The only negative thing between us was that he couldnt handle stress or tough times. I know he still loves me. When I messaged him saying lets keep trying.. Lets not give up.. He said “Im deeply sorry. It is my decision to separate and I want to stand by it. Im choosing to let go of my love for my career. I feel like thats the right thing for me at this point of my life. I wish you the best from here on.” And I havent replied since. I know he needs some space to figure his things out. But, I also feel like he will not come back because his decision was so assertive this time. He even came to meet me face to face and break up (out of the blue!!) this was the first time he broke up face to face. I feel like its a permanent break up and Im just.. God.. Very very sad. We were each other’s first relationship, love, EVERYTHING. It was such a deep love and he is letting me go because of this. I never used to do NC when we broke up because of similar reasons. I would always call him and talk or text him.. Or he would text me saying lets be friends. I need you with me. And then everything will be sorted out again. But this time none of that happened.. i texted him right now saying “I cant do this.. Will you be able to see me moving on?” And he said “I dont want to be in a relationship. You have to move on.” And I havent replied. Will doing NC REALLY work in my case? Please help Chris.. I dont want to be in that hope of him coming to me if you think he wont.
admin
January 20, 2015 at 3:32 pm
I really think NC will work in your case!
Angela
January 22, 2015 at 7:53 pm
Hey Chris. I wanted to message him one last time before doing NC. He replied and told me he still loves me and it hurts him too but he DOES NOT want to be in a commitment AT ALL. Then he started reading my message but ignoring it. Then after a while he didnt even read my messages. Thats when I wrote me one last message saying that I dont want someone as selfish as him in my life and someone else really will be able to respect my feelings and love me unconditionally. I basically told him and its over from my side too. Because I know that is the best thing to do. Best thing FOR ME. He replied saying “I do not want this relationship. I want to do my things without having any other responsibilities, commitments, stresses, and distractions. I’m sorry for being selfish, but this is what I want to do. There are lots of unselfish guys out there that will keep you happier. I wish the best for you. Bye..” Okay. I guess it really is the end now. But somewhere in my heart, I do wish he would come back. But I know he wont. I will never ever message him again after this. Im not sure if you would like to call it NC or not. My brain cant function right now. He said “I dont want THIS relationship.” Specifically. I cant function this. Do you think we will EVER after a shot at this relationship again? What do you suggest that I should do at this point? 🙁
admin
January 23, 2015 at 4:15 pm
Nc rule seems ideal here.
Angela
January 29, 2015 at 2:14 am
I feel like im becoming depressed.
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:58 pm
What can I do to help.
Angela
February 5, 2015 at 1:51 am
Also, although I have been freaking out on the inside, I havent given him a hint of me being miserable. I’ve been updating pictures on social media sites (he hasnt updated anything since the breakup. Its as if he vanished off the face of earth) and i’ve been looking pretty calm. Though, Im dying inside. Lol
admin
February 5, 2015 at 3:33 pm
Smart move. I am proud.
Angela
February 22, 2015 at 10:53 pm
Hi Chris. Its me again. I was doing well with the NC until me and my ex met at a party. I was very surprised to see him there because he usually doesnt attend family parties. My sister went to talk to him and after a while, she came and told me that he told her he has been miserable. He isnt motivated anymore and hes having problems on his leg with this disease. He also told her that he is quitting Medical school and changing his major because he isnt motivated anymore enough to become a doctor. It definitely upset me hearing all of that. After that, I got up and was dancing for a very long time, he went and sat at the seat that I was sitting in before I went up to dance. He sat there and talked more to my sister. I kept noticing him looking at me every 30 seconds. It made me think perhaps he isnt happy being alone.. Before leaving, I went to grab my wallet and shoes which were on the seat that he was sitting and said Hello. How are you? Smiled and left the party. The next day, I felt very sad thinking about what my sister said. How he has a leg problem and can barely even walk anymore, and how hes changing majors.. Out of emotions, i texted him asking him to call me. He called and we talked for an hour. I wanted a closure. I wanted to know exactly what is going on with us. I told him “you focus on sorting out your life.. Be confident and happy with yourself and come back to me when you sort out your life. I will wait for you. Im always here for you.” To which, his answer was “I dont want a relationship at this point of my life. I need to focus on myself and only myself because my life is a mess. And I dont want a relationship.” And then started crying as he was saying that. I asked him “we dont have to be together right now. The question is, do you want me in your life or not?” And after longg pause, he answered “no. I dont.” I was startled, i didnt talk. Then he said “move on nicely. Im hanging up.” Although he didnt admit it clearly, his answer meant that he didnt want me in his life ever. Even in future. That stung me so much and I said “okay. Im moving on. Bye.” And hung up on him. I felt horrible and I truly wanted to move on now. I blocked him from everything. Block his number. And tried my best to move on. Its been 12 days today since then. I unblocked just his number today because I couldnt help wondering If he had texted me again changing his mind (not that i would take him back right away, but it would be a good start) i didnt want to regret later on and always wonder if he came back.. So I unblocked his number today. As much as I hate to admit it, I do still want him back. Although, I got the closure that I needed to fully move on. And I am moving on one step at a time.. But I just wanted your suggestion on what should happen next if I still want him back in my life? I wont contact him ever, for sure.. Until (maybe) April, wishing him Happy Birthday. But I might not do that either. I just wanted to know your say on this. What should I do? And do you still see chances of him realizing it and coming back?
Also. I watched your proposal video for Jennifer. It was beautiful. Im a libra too 🙂 Wishing you both the best!
angela
March 7, 2015 at 6:17 pm
Hi Chris. Me again. NC is supposed to be over in 3 days now. He hasnt contacted. He made a strict decision to breakup and is standing by it. I heard he really is quitting medical school and restarting undergrad on a different major (was originally supposed to graduate in a few months) Hes depressed. His career plans are messed up and hes lost in life. He has a major disease with his leg which enable him from walking. Im feeling better but I still love him and wish I could help him. When he left he said he doesnt want to be in a relationship ever with me and will do arrange marriage in future. Of course, I want him back. Should I still contact him after NC is over? Or should I wait till his birthday in April, that way he has more time to himself to sort his life out and I have an excuse to talk to him. This man is REALLY in a horrible position in his life. On top of that, he has a disease with his leg and cant walk that much. Honestly, Im confused whether I should just leave him alone to himself for couple of more months or should contact him. Which is better in my situation?
admin
March 8, 2015 at 2:51 pm
I would reach out just after NC if I was you.
Angela
February 25, 2015 at 3:37 am
I want him back. But I dont think I should text him again even after no contact period finishes.. I texted him 5 times already asking for him to come back, he said no everytime. He also had said that he thinks we shouldnt communicate for few months because communicating will only make it harder for both of us to move on and right now, he still loves me, but he wants to let me go and not communicate to eventually stop loving me and move on with his life. Its very complicated but I hope you know what Im trying to say. Hes having major crisis with his life right now including career (medical school) and leg disease that might end him up in wheelchair (or so he said). The only reason he wants to leave this is because he wants to just focus on making his life better and not have any commitments and responsibilities. Which is understandable but unfair to me. I unblocked him because I want to know if he wants to communicate again. At this point, only you know what a man means when he says these things Chris.. because I dont understand why its smart to let go of your loved ones at a time when you need their support the most. Might there be another reason for him to leave me? Because he made this decision over night.
I dont want to text him again.. ever. He already disrespected and hurt my feelings enough by saying he doesnt want me in his life even in future. What should I be doing now? Do you still see chances of him coming back or should I go towards the path of moving on?
And, Yes I watched it. I searched you in youtube to see if you had any videos there, but instead I found that. It was very touching. Hope you guys are well 🙂
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:32 pm
Wow, you watched the proposal video?
Did I make that live on the site?
Hahaha I have written so much that I can’t remember.
Also, I think priority number one for you is to figure out if you want him back or not. You really need to sort that out.
J
February 14, 2015 at 11:20 pm
Chris,
My situation is almost identical to this one (angela’s). Except I have been contacting my ex for about a week, since we broke up. We have been getting along really well in the past two days and hanging out with him is like it was before our relationship, when he was the one chasing me. But he says that he “can’t change his mind” about his decision to split. He said that he doesn’t feel he is ready for a relationship (but we have been dating for over a year and I don’t understand why he would wait an extended period of time to say this, especially since he was really happy with the relationship until about 3 weeks ago –he communicated this to me himself.) because he needs time to focus on himself and his studies, and find who he is. Should I still do the NC or will things work out the way they are going? && What does he mean by “he can’t change his mind”?
Thanks.
Angela
February 5, 2015 at 1:47 am
Its been Day 14 of NC. Im keeping myself together. its been so tough but I WILL not break No contact. He hasnt contacted either. It makes me wonder if he ever will? I dont want to stay in hope that he might contact me and if he doesnt, get disappointed (although I already am because he would usually contact me within 5,6 days of No contact before when we broke up) All of this is overwhelming me. Am I overthinking this? Is it normal for him to not contact me for weeks? I think this time he made a strict decision of not wanting a relationship. What if he moves on focusing on his career while Im here thinking he is missing me and will contact soon? 🙁
Angela
January 28, 2015 at 10:42 pm
Chris, do you think he will contact me? Why do I have a feeling its really over from his side? You think he will contact? 🙁
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:48 pm
I think the percentage chance of him contacting you is in you rfavor.
Shara
January 13, 2015 at 5:09 am
Hi Chris,
I hope you would reply to my message.
Here it is: I have a boyfriend of one year. He is so younger than me ( 8 youngers), I have been really doubtful at our age gap at first but I always believe that when guys love they love so hard and deep, which my ex do. He loves me so deeply. His family used to tell him that it seems that his whole world revolves around me. I was his first girlfriend, he used to be a lover and nerd before we’re together. He always thought that no one will ever like him He helps me the best way he can even financially. There are times that he would left some of his food so that he can give it to me. He goes to our house everyday and every weekend. Brings me food, buy me food,and cooks for me. I was really sure that he do really loves. And even when we fight , I was always the dominant one on our relationship.
Last December, he got close to a new bunch of friends. There are times that he would hang out with them but I was never bothered about it because he always asks my permission and respects me when I say no. I even told him that I am worried that they might not be a good influence. During those times also, there were times that I often make him feel ignored because I was to buys with work which he openly tell me. Now December 2, was our anniversary, it was great and simple he even gave me a letter. Then on December 14, he went out because he will buy a gift to be used for their exchanging gift for their party. December 15 to 17, was their exams, so he didn’t go to our house at night but we still see each other because I used to work at their place. December 16, we already had a fight, I got annoyed because he’s supposed to drive me home and then he made me wait, (not too long). We almost break up that night but we still able to fix it.
December 18 was their party, we had a fight at morning because I thought he didn’t send me a good morning message. He texted e “sorry” but I did not reply. WHole after noon there was no message, and he even came home late (but he already informed me that he will hang out with his friends.) We had a fight, I broke my sim in front of him and broke up with him, he was just staring at me and I guess teary eyes. We still manage text each other that night, I tried to say sorry and fix things but he says he don’t want to I did not reply to him anymore but his last text was sorry and that he loves me so much. The very ext day I tried to talk to him, cry in front of him and even almost beg, but he says he no longer wants. I even returned everything he has given to me, and he accepted it and put it on a box under his cabinet. I did that pleading for 3 days.But during those times, I still caught him smiling everytime I came to him or staring at me.
Dec 21, he went o out of town with his family, and that day I known from his friend that the gift he had bought that he told me for the exhange gift he gave it to a girl which he just liked, and he made a letter for her but he did’t not give it. I texted him about it and he replied for the first time that it was for the exhange gift and that I would not text to him anymore.At first I was bothered about the girl, but now, I think there’s no need to worry. Because I was still managed to open my ex facebook and unfriend the girl and until now they are still not friends,so that means they are not texting or what and even his activity logs, it was all likes for me.
When he was out of town with his family, I did not contact him until Christmas. It was after Christmas, that I tried to text him, and got no replies. His mom told me that he was really hurt, and even said that maybe I was thinking that he would chase me. When he went home after that out of town, I planned a sorry-welcome home surprise, with his friends but instead he walked out. His sister jsut put all the stuffs on his room, which is still there until now, including the letter I gave him is on his wallet. And since that day, he became a little distant on me. Still n reply when I tried to text him, I even gave him food with sweet notes, and still got no positive response. Their helpers just told me that they would chase him and see him smiling, people around us are really teling that I just let him because he would surely come back, but I am just scared Chris, because if I would stay away from him, he might get used to it and just moved on. He also unfriend me on facebook 🙁
It happened to us before. He even told me before not to disturb him because he has a new girl, but that only lasted for days, and he came back because he is afraid that his friend might court me.
I don’t really understand him. Please tell me what’s the best thing to do T.T
Shara
January 13, 2015 at 5:19 am
I do really want him back and I couldn’t stop myself from blaming. please tell me what’s the best thing to do. It’s 26 days now since we broke up, isn’t it too late if I do NC?
treeanna
January 9, 2015 at 5:22 am
Hello my boyfriend and I broke up around August but still kept in close contact he would still tell me that he loves me and such ….. but he would pull away further and further till he was outright calling me his friend. (Which I made sure to remind him every are not friends) he never told me why we couldn’t be together anymore he just distanced himself from me but would still tell me he can’t wait for me to meet his family which I did during our breakup.he even wanted me to meet his distant family. He comesaid around and ensures coworkers are good to me because I was having a tough time at work. But if I ever bring up any questions about what happened between us he gets mad and we fight. I decided 18 days ago I’ve had enough of this and I stopped talking to him he is still messaging me it’s painful to not respond a few minutes ago he asked why I wasn’t talking to him and told me that he deserves the treatment I’m giving him am I making progress I’m not sure if I’m wasting my time
admin
January 19, 2015 at 3:33 pm
I don’t think you are wasting your time at all.
Jordan
January 8, 2015 at 7:48 am
Hi Chris!
So my boyfriend of 9 months and I broke up and after we broke up there was lots of arguing for a few months. Because of this we both said a lot of angry things that we didn’t mean but they were still hurtful, so we talked and we BOTH decided that the best thing to do would be to not be in contact with each other for a period of time. Essentially we’re both embarking on the no contact rule (which I didn’t know about until I found your website–after the breakup). This is currently day 6, after a few unsuccessful attempts in the past. Anyway, I was wondering how can I turn this situation around to my advantage in trying to get my boyfriend back because I’m assuming the no contact rule is less effective if both people know about it.
Maya
January 7, 2015 at 1:50 am
Hey Chris,
So, I had a fight with my boyfriend a week ago, we broke up, and now he’s giving me the cold shoulder and basically killing me with kindness. Should I try NC or should I just let it go.
admin
January 19, 2015 at 2:54 pm
Give NC a try.
Patrisha
January 5, 2015 at 6:20 pm
Hi! So my boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me on Dec. 16 which is 2-3 weeks ago. Since that day, we’ve been texting each other, and I think he texts me more often than he did before the breakup. Whenever I burst and get emotional, he tells me not to worry, I’ll be fine, he’ll still hang out with me, and that we might be together someday again… He also bought me a gift when he went to an amusement park. He tells me these nice things in the first few days after the break up. He says he’s glad that I feel better. He claims he still feels the same way and he cares for me but he isn’t cut out for relationships (I’m his first girlfriend). Or is he saying these things just to make me feel better? We’re both in highschool, seniors… I always get mad and yell at him, even lay my hands on him and get jealous especially since he started hanging out with a bunch of new friends… Yesterday I freaked out when he didn’t reply and when I asked him if he still loves me he says he does but I have to take it easy and stop freaking out. I brought up a good time and all he said was that was a great night but he didn’t say anything about when I told him that I cried that night because I came to believe I’ll lose him someday… I feel like I’m starting to annoy him whenever I get sentimental… Now my question is, should I even start NC? He’s the type of guy to move on and not let things bother him. But he does love me, I can tell… If so, how long? What if he thinks I’m moving on? Please help!
admin
January 6, 2015 at 1:54 pm
You will be friendzoned if you keep on the path you are on.
Rochelle
December 29, 2014 at 7:48 pm
Hi!
My ex broke up with me almost one month ago. I reached out to him multiple times and sometimes he would respond, sometimes he wouldn’t. I most recently contacted him the day after Christmas and he said he felt like no contact was the best way to move forward. I asked why he insisted on not talking to me because we were such good friends before the relationship, and he said that he dreaded talking to me during our relationship, so why would he want to talk now? He also told me he isn’t in love with me, and he couldn’t tell me when he stopped. He finally told me to delete his number because we have nothing else to talk about. I’m hurt by his words.
Is this a lost cause?
admin
January 5, 2015 at 2:29 pm
How long have you been trying to get him back for?
Just the one month?
I would say it is till early.
Rochelle
January 5, 2015 at 4:23 pm
Yes,just the one month. I haven’t contacted him since our last exchange over a week ago. I’m afraid I may have done too much, too soon. I texted him 2 weeks after we broke up to apologize for the role I played, but he probably wasn’t ready to receive that. He just kept saying he didn’t know what to say or do, so he wouldn’t do anything. Why was/is he so confused if he’s the one who ended the relationship?