The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Fer

March 7, 2015 at 1:47 pm

I did the NC rule for 30 days. He texted me twice during those 30 days. I did not reply. On day 30 I contacted him again and he responded very well. Just two short texts and ended convo. It’s been 3 days since I texted him, but I don’t know what to do now. Should I text him again and try to get him To meet up?

Fer

March 8, 2015 at 3:39 pm

Chris, You haven’t responded to any of my comments and you have been skipping them. I would really appreciate your help! Thanks
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:20 pm

Hi Fer, I haven’t responded to anyone for the past week.

I have been focusing on content creation a lot this week and I apologize. How can I help?

David

March 4, 2015 at 11:10 pm

Hey there,

So my girlfriend broke up with me several months ago and was dating someone else. When they would hit rough times she would reach out to me and I would be there for her (Like an Idiot). So after her rebound, we were hanging out quite a bit, as well as sleeping together.

I recently took a could weeks vacation out of the country and got the cold shoulder the day before I got back. I knew something wasn’t right as she had told me she loved me right before I left.

So I sent a simple text saying “I have a weird feeling. Did something change from when I left to when I got back?”

Her reply was “Yes things have changed. I need to make myself happy on my own. I can’t rely on others anymore. I also can’t keep jumping around in relationships. I need me time and to be alone and healthy”.

I said I understand and hope she finds happiness.

My question: Since I was a doormat in the past, will the no contact rule work?

Thank you in advance.

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:25 pm

Hi David,

You might want to check out my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery

Love Conquers All

March 4, 2015 at 2:51 pm

Today has made a month since my ex bf called our relationship off. He stated he needed time, space, and wants to just be to himself. He wants to remain friends but I’m yet unsure of his motives from there. I am not giving him any comfort of a relationship. He texts me daily. Since the break up I have been keeping convos brief and simple and sometimes cutting them short. Is this a good thing to do or should I still break into the NC???

admin

March 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm

I would still break into the NC.

Amy

March 4, 2015 at 10:20 am

Soooo my no contact ends in 5 days, I havent spoken to my ex since we broke up (no pleading calls, texts e.t.c) and he hasn’t spoken to me. During this time Ive got a first on a dissertation, got job offers and got accepted onto a teaching course (all of which he has probably seen on Facebook as I put them up!) and have thought about it long and hard and realised that I really want to try and win him back – after 3 years and surviving Long distance for a year in seperate continents this is too good of a relationship to let go of so easily 🙁

Only problem is, he is extremely stubborn. He broke things off a month ago out of the blue because he thought we we’re too young to seriously commit to each other and that 3 years was getting too serious for him and he didnt want to be with the same person he was with now who he was going to marry (we’re only 21/22 so this seemed crazy! – i think it was a bit of a “the grass might be greener on the other side’ syndrome). We we’re great and he was really upset about it…but said he wasnt going to change his mind.

I’ve read all the suggestions, the no contact e.t.c, but will this really work on a stubborn ex boyf who seems so set in his decision? Im scared to contact and then be knocked down – I’ve made so much progress on myself after my confidence took such a hit from this and (although it sounds mean) I want him to realise what he’s lost in me!

admin

March 7, 2015 at 4:43 pm

Well, lets go over some of the reach out texts you have planned.

Do you have anything planned?
Amy

March 7, 2015 at 5:50 pm

I dont! 🙁 I was thinking about seeing a film tomorrow with a friend that he recommended to go watch when we were together….but if I dont have enough time I don’t know what I would talk about!

Im also seeing a mutual friend of ours tomorrow – I didnt know whether I could mention that/update him on that and just say “guess who I saw today e.t.c”…ahhhh im scared!
Amy

March 7, 2015 at 5:53 pm

the good thing is his sister said that when I returned his jumper last week he said “ohh I love the smell of her perfume I miss her smell”….am hoping thats a positive sign? That he at least misses me (or at least my smell?! haha!)

The problem is also his ego is huge and I get the impression if I contact him he’ll think Im only doing it because I cant live without him and that Im trying to get back together with him! (sad but he will probably think that…which I do want but dont want him to know:P)

mim

March 4, 2015 at 8:23 am

hi Chris
as you said I wanted to text him after 33 days which is today!but last night when I wanted to change his profile picture in viber I called him unintentionally!I hang up immediately(I don’t know what was I thinking!).he was offline that time.several mins after that he send me a photo of my miss call.after 20 min I responded with the new photo of his profile(cardinal Richelieu picture)he didn’t check his phone until this morning and after several hours he said “you are more arrogant or me?”
“we are the same.why?” I answered.like it is a good thing or what!he said:”I thought I am!obviously I was wrong”
he acts like a 20 years old boy!!!!!It’s like it was a competition and he won and he is happy but he doesn’t want to show!

admin

March 7, 2015 at 4:38 pm

Well, you called him and hung up on him he is probably confused by that.
mim

March 10, 2015 at 5:28 am

dear Chris
first I wanna thank you for helping me with your wonderful posts. I thought about who I am and what I want.I realized what did I do wrong.and how should I prevent such mistakes this time.
Although,it wasn’t like what I planned,we were back together.
the problem is ,I’m not sure what should I do now. I want this relationship becomes serious to him as much as it is serious to me.I read almost every posts in your website but there isn’t any post for my specific situation.can you please guide me?

TRACY

March 2, 2015 at 9:52 pm

i broke up with my ex 7days ago bcoz thngz had changed he did nt show interest in meeting up with me or rather texting to me.he started making excuses on why he cant meet up with me,and lastly on the day we broke up i blocked him on every social network out of anger bcoz of his behaviour,he texted me a number of times telling me how selfish i am and hw he finds nthng special abt me…ive been on the NC period for 6days and i really miss him bt want to gain control ova my relationship…xuld i push till he calls or after 30 days?

Melina

March 12, 2015 at 8:51 am

Tracey your,situation sounds exactly like mine…the way he stopped coming to see me and texting. Mine even said to me that the way things are I should want to leave him. I,was so hurt and its good job he said this via text than face to face. I am doing no contact and lastly told him that I have had a miserable existence being with him….and the asshole said to me aahh that’s such a sweet sentiment…I just thought asshole! ..he wants to keep contact if I need help…yeah I need help alright….getting away from him. I want to actually have him running after me after realising what he has lost.
admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Wait to contact him after the 30 days.

Margaret

March 2, 2015 at 4:27 am

Hi Chris,its me again, well I fell for it, I slept with him, than he left the next morning and I haven’t heard from him since, that was Friday, please I nerd your help, there’s so much more but I don’t want to go into detail on here, please contact me, Thanks so much….

admin

March 2, 2015 at 9:43 pm

Are you doing NC?

Meg

February 28, 2015 at 7:19 pm

Hi, just wondering what to do in this position, my boyfriend broke up with me last night, he has a lot going on right now and is pushing everyone away. He has also been quite suicidal the last month and is going through alot, while we were together he would text me things like ‘I can’t do this anymore’ etc.. I compeletly agree with no contact rule but if he texts me these type of things now can I reply? He has no one else to talk to so I’m not sure. Thank you
Fer

February 28, 2015 at 3:37 am

Hey Chris! It’s been 26 days since NC. I haven’t contacted him AT ALL. He texted me on day 5 but I didn’t reply since I wanted to stay firm on this NC rule. He texted me again today (day26) saying: hey, I hope all is well. He texted the same thing both times. Should I reply this time or wait till day 30? I don’t know what to do.
Thankssssss
jenny

February 27, 2015 at 1:26 pm

I was married for 20 years and together for about 25 years but he left me for his girlfriend he had when he was 18 years old. They started seeing each other behind my back and he then divorced me quickly and within a month married her. She is a Mormon and he wanted sex with her. Shortly after their honeymoon he started a relationship with me again. Left her twice to come back to me but then every time she asked him to come back and he went. He never leaves me alone and tells me he still loves me all the time. I love him so much and always have. How do you stop contact with your best friend of almost 30 years?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:44 pm

Seems like the GIGS to me.

Niki

February 27, 2015 at 11:35 am

By the way, Cris unfortunately I can not leave you a voice message, english is not my first language, also my family are always around at home and it is difficult for me to do so, I would be very grateful if you could consider my situation. thanks
Niki

February 27, 2015 at 11:30 am

Hi Chris, if you could remember, I told you my story of 10 years relationship around 4 months ago, you said you replied me via email but I did not receive any email from you, I wish you would resend it to me if you still have it in your sentbox. Chris, after 4 months I am still in trouble, my situation has got even worse, and I really need your help, I would be very thankful if you let me talk to you as soon as possible by email, yahoo messenger or sth like this.

looking forward to your help
Maria00

February 26, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hi!
Me and my ex broke up in the summer of 2014. We lived together and continued to live together. We didn’t spend much time together though while broken up. Now, a month ago I moved out. He sent me some measages asking advice about some things he bought and I visited the old flat after a week of moving out to pick up the last things. He gave me a big hug and he looked all sad and defeated. During our conversation it turned out he had been talking about me to his friends.
Well, the next week he sent me a drunken text at night to hook up (we did that every once in a while when I was still living with him). I didn’t respond. The next day he keptsending me texsts asking how is life, how is work, what am I doing. Gave him some short answers. Funny thing was that he never responded to my questions like “but how are you?” and just kept asking about me. Then I said I need to get back to work.
I haven’t contacted him since and neither has he. I still have 16 days to go with no contact.

But what does that all mean? I have no idea what he has been up to and I haven’t been asking about him from our common friends.
But how do I approach? I have a tent that I borrowed from him and I was thinking that it could be a goid excuse to contact him after 16 days. To meet up in the city after work to give him back his tent. Could call him casually and ask him to meet me. I don’t think that going to his flat would be a good idea.

Also, I have a birthday coming up soon. How do I react when he shows up or calls to congratulate? I am not even sure which would be worse – him trying to congratulate me or not.

Btw. I have made many many positive changes in my life since the breakup. Already when I still lived with him.

But how do I get him to work for me, chase me, commit ?
Jess

February 26, 2015 at 8:05 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up about three weeks ago. After a day he broke up with me he text me. I spoke to him a few days later to see if he wanted the relationship. He told me that he still loves me but there is a but and emphasize that it’s not going to work out. I got so angry and told him not to contact me no matter what. His response was “fine. I’ll give you your space” did I made a mistake by telling him the no contact rule. He and I have not contact each other since. Please give me your input on this. Thank you!

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:32 pm

You compared him to poop….

That’s certainly an interesting approach!
Jess

March 2, 2015 at 4:03 pm

Huh? I don’t understand what u meant by comparing him to poop?

Natalie

February 26, 2015 at 1:23 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year, and are working together. We broke up last week, because we kept having arguments, mostly because of me and my horrible attitude towards him. One night we were hanging out at his place, i got very drunk, we had a huge argument because of nothing , I slapped him and left. He didn’t speak or look at me for days, but we met after work and had a talk, he said he is willing to give me a second chance, but is afraid that I’m going to let him down. I asked him out for a coffee but he said he needed to concentrate on his work, he had an important meeting next day,and he would text me tomorrow. Next day he just ignored me, and when I sent him a text, saying that I am confused what’s going on, he called me few hours later, we had a long talk, I apologised to him and said I am willing to work on myself and my issues to make this relationship work. We ended the conversation on good terms, he said he would speak to me tomorrow at work, and today I got nothing but a cold shoulder again. Before leaving i asked if he would want to meet me later, when he is free, he agreed, but later texted and said he is tired and just wants to chill out home,and can we rain check it until tomorrow… I’m just so confused, I try not to push him in any way, but I can’t understand where we stand, and does he really want to try and work this out, or is just playing mind games with me. How can I prove him i realise it was my fault, and I am ready to change for the sake of this relationship? It’s even harder since I see him every day at work…

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Read my latest post about how to navigate NC at work.

Margaret

February 26, 2015 at 5:24 am

Hey Chris so my ex called today, numerous times after I had ignored him since last night but he still is throwing stuff in my face, he says he wants commitment but yet he went to Sta at his parents house, ugh still so darn confused, what do I do??

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:11 pm

Just continue NC.

mim

February 25, 2015 at 9:47 am

hi Chris
you don’t give me any clue what should I do!it’s 25 days since we broke up and apparently he is not gonna lose this duel! now what should I do?should I text him after 30 days?I’ve never done this before!they always come back!

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:43 pm

Yes, put your pride aside and take control of the conversations.

Margaret

February 25, 2015 at 9:42 am

Oh and i forgot to leave out that he has been staying with me for the past 4 months, I even introduced him to my children, I’m just hurt, I have been depressed and crying all day watching movies, what do I do????
Margaret

February 25, 2015 at 9:40 am

Ugh I’m so angry wish I would of known of this site 3 days ago, my ex is 28 and I’m 38, we been dating for 7 months, 1 of those months he was in jail and things went bad three days ago because he saw were I responded to a message Fr a guy friend on Facebook, all I said was “Hey”, he flipped out, said I disrespected him and broke up with me…yes I’ve texted called and begged but he is nor budging, I feel like an idiot, I know he loves me and I’m in love with him but I’m so lost..HELP….

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:44 pm

You know about it now and thats good enough!

Sounds like your ex has some serious anger and trust issues.

DO NOT BEG.

Be powerful that is all he will respond to.

Sarah

February 25, 2015 at 2:00 am

I went 12 days NC, he showed up at my place and I caved. We broke up November 7th after 3 years, till last week which has been 3 and a half months we have been sleeping together still once a week. I did it cuz we broke up twice before and sleeping with him still, still got us back together! Now I’m different and feel this is too much to handle. Is it too late a few months in to start the NC??? Please I pray for your response

Thank you

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:31 pm

No, I think you are good to go!

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6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”