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Tracy
March 20, 2015 at 6:39 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. Since then we have been texting and have seen each other (we live in different cities). He told me he wants to date and then changed his mind (two days later) and ended things. He said we were in contact too much and I needed too much from him.
Is it too late for no contact to work?
Thank you,
Tracy
admin
March 22, 2015 at 4:27 pm
How far away are you two?
How far are the cities?
Yes, NC can still work.
Tracy
March 22, 2015 at 11:08 pm
We are across the country but I am moving to Austin (where he lives in 6 months–this was planned before we ended things).
He has started texting me. I haven’t responded. Do I just not respond at all?
Tracy
March 22, 2015 at 11:32 pm
I should probably add that he got divorced a month before we got together…
Allie
March 20, 2015 at 3:55 pm
Hi so I need help…so there was this guy at my gym. Chased me for months, I ignored him because I was pretty sure he had a gf. She would come in and walk up to him, kiss him on cheek. One of the trainers told me it was his gf so I blew him off suspecting he was just trying to cheat. So he kept getting in my face literally every day so I gave him a shot to tell me what was going on.we ended up being together for 2 weeks & he was going to tell her it was over. I got mad during that phone call be a use he brought up something from my past. A minor heath risk which I never even needed to tell him. But he made me feel horrible about it, it was my biggest fear I’d loose someone over it. So I hung up and started crying. I angry texted him said really bad things. He never texted me or so I thought(my phone spammed a bunch of #s by mistake) so I just got more mad/hurt. The next day at the gym I approached that other girl n told her e everything. She was super nice n knew everything terrible he’d said about her was true. He said he couldn’t be w her cuz of her face, cuz she was a whore & some other bull. We had drinks n he saw us leave together. He ended up calling n begging her to forgive him, said I meant shit yo him etc etc i tried texting & calling cuz i was upset & he called to cops on me….Ik he’s really insecure & been hurt a lot. & of I had known he tried to talk to me I’m sure everything would of been fine. I apologized several times and they show up at the gym together everyday. It is pathetic they would even stay together when they talk so much crap about each other. Ik I messed up.its been almost 30 days & he still won’t even look at me when he sees me at the gym. I’m lost & idk y I even want him back but I do.
admin
March 22, 2015 at 4:25 pm
The thing that attracted him so much to you in the first place was the fact that he couldn’t have you. I think you have lost this dynamic a little bit.
Shamika
March 20, 2015 at 9:10 am
Hi Chris
My long distance boyfriend of 1 year whom I have met 4 times and spent total a month together broke-up when I followed-up marriage too strongly. He said that he never wants to marry or have kids. Told me that he had cheated on me (in the past we were on NC for a month because I knew he ad started dating someone else) and that he tried to see if we could have a future but does not think so. I love him unconditionally even after all that he said.
His Mom wants us to be friends and she is someone he talks to everyday.
What would be your advice?
Appreciate your help.
Shamika
admin
March 22, 2015 at 4:16 pm
I would first read my long distance articles and listen to my long distance podcast episodes.
Karoline
March 19, 2015 at 7:11 pm
Hi,
I just broke up with my bf of three years. He still talks to me constantly, telling me that i cant date other guys yet but said he dont want me back. I am confused of what kind of guy he really is. He told me i am his forever but he starts to add all kind of girls in his facebook and i realised that he only take photos with girls. Should i still pin hope on him? He love me sincerely? Should i just ignore him and go with the NC rule? Thanks!
admin
March 22, 2015 at 3:47 pm
Yes you should!
N
March 18, 2015 at 5:15 am
I accidently butt dialed 4 people on my phone on day 6 – OF course! My ex happened to be one of the people, he called then sent a text wondering why, some others had also texted back saying I butt dialed them, so I literally copied paste what I sent to others to him. short sweet no emotion. Do I have to start my count over again from that day?
admin
March 21, 2015 at 3:00 pm
Its ok, just continue on with NC.
Linn
March 17, 2015 at 3:30 am
Hi….
I recently had my boyfriend breakup with me. Because of some things I’ve said to him. He said he wants nothing to do with me,&I begged,apologized for him to come back. He said no. We both promised each other that we wouldn’t breakup for anything despite what happens. i reminded him of that&he still doesn’t care. So I told him that I’m going to win our relationship back&that I’ll give him some space. So I left him alone. This isn’t the 1st breakup. He’s accused me of things&has hurt me,but I never threaten him with a breakup because I felt our issues were fixable. I’m debating on the NC rule because he stated he didn’t want anything to do with me. I’m in love and don’t want to lose him although I probably already have for good…. should I just let it go& try to get healed& move on or should I just follow the NC rule?
admin
March 18, 2015 at 8:42 pm
Follow the NC rule.
That’s my advice.
Lauren
March 15, 2015 at 11:18 am
My boyfriend of a year (also my best friend of 4 years) broke up with me four months ago and wanted to remain friends – we went through a bit of a rough patch afterwards as I did not find his reasons for breaking up all that fair (of which the reasons have changed 3 times!) and he didn’t treat me very well. Then he started having some troubles at home so I remained friends with him to be there for him although it hurt me to. And now nearly five months down the track, he is in a good place for me to let go (less troubles at home) and give him a choice. It is way too hard to keep the friendship although I would love to. Should I follow the no contact rule now or is it too late? Thank you!
admin
March 18, 2015 at 6:22 pm
You should definitely follow it!
Katie
March 14, 2015 at 10:43 am
Hi Chris,
I have had a friendship with a man and towards the beginning, he insinuated he wanted more with me. We flirted etc, and I got pretty attached and told him I had feelings for him. I’ve contacted him (embarrassingly) way too much and pushed him away. Not sure what to do. Theore I contact him to try to repair our friendship/communicating, the more he pulls away. I kept insulting him too (which isn’t helping), but I’m just so upset that he isn’t interested anymore. – I really cared about him. He won’t speak to me properly anymore though and when he does, simply tells me to move on, “it did not work”, “it can’t be repaired”, “get away from me”, “why do you want to talk to someone who you think so badly of?”. He has since blocked and removed me from almost all social media and only left email as an available way to contact him. He has said that if I don’t stop messaging him, he will block me on email too, leaving no way to communicate with him. Ive started NC now and am currently on day three. Before I stopped messaging, I explained to him in a message how highly I really do think of him and explained why I’d previously insulted him too. I went on to say that when emotions are high, people say things they don’t mean, and at this current time, there’s no point in me continuing to contact him, as at this point it will simply add oil to a fire, instead of calming the situation down. However I said that in the future, if he ever did change his negative opinion of me, then he knows how to get in contact. Being perceived as a desperate one by a guy is a strange situation for me. Usually I let the guys do the chasing and I act really distant, though not with this individual in question. He’s really special to me and at the very least, would happy to remain his friend at some stage down the line. What are your suggestions for my situation? Give up on him? Keep going NC and if so, for how long? I don’t know how to change the status quo of this situation so he’s the chaser.
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:43 pm
Keep going NC at this point but you need some sort of gameplan for what to do when the NC is over.
Have you formulated one yet?
Katie
March 16, 2015 at 3:01 pm
Hey Chris,
Thanks! No gameplan as of yet. I have no idea how to approach the situation after NC. Do I ask if we could try communicating once more, do I simply send a text to say “hello”…? How do I write something that would roll into a conversation that he’d be willing to partake in, that he will not ignore and would not make me sound desperate for his attention?
Katie
March 14, 2015 at 11:20 am
Hi Chris,
I might also add here too, that the man in question is really popular, and, here’s my insecurities shiny through… I’m worried that if he can block me as he has and almost cut me out of his life entirely, then would mean that I didn’t mean anything to him before and that I was just ‘some’ girl he flirted with? Surely this cannot be true though, as before he blocked me etc, he said that he “Interupted his work to talk” to me, that he “cared” about me and that I was an “important person” to him. So….. What does this mean? Definitely mixed signigals, or just the fact that I was perhaps too clingy, pushed him away (hopefully, temporarily)?
Gilly
March 13, 2015 at 10:59 pm
Hi Chris.
This is my response to the question you asked me on my previous post:
My ex bf was away (he’s in the army) and during his absence, my life started to fall apart. I had been given notice on my flat, I had to sell my horse because I was in financial difficulty through losing my flat and my bf wasn’t there. In desperate need of help I turned to someone else. It started off as purely wanting advice but before I knew it I was engaging in conversations that got flirty and a bit out of control. When I did try to talk to my bf about it, he wasn’t understanding. Or that’s how I took it so I turned to the other person even more. My bf and I were then sat up late one night when he told me he felt I was being different towards him and asked me what I wanted and if I wanted him. When I told him I did and what I saw for us in the future he asked if there was someone else amd then asked to look at my phone. I gave it to him and he saw the whole conversation between me and the other person. He left looking completely broken. I am prepared to do everything it takes to try and get him back. To earn both his respect and trust for me again. It’s been a week since I last spoke to him. What makes it harder is the woman he was with before me physically cheated on him and he does have very severe trust issues. I can still see a future with him and if you put aside that temporary moment of lack of understanding/emotion between us, we were good together. Very good in fact. It kills me knowing how much I’ve hurt him
Melissa
March 13, 2015 at 6:20 pm
Hi!
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We just broke up a couple days ago, I didn’t beg, but probably did/said some things close enough. I told him now that I understand and that I think we both need some time and space. However, we live together, and he does not have a car. We both work at home, but go to school together and I drive. I don’t want to be rude and cut him out completely, but I also want him to realize what all he is giving up. Should I still give him rides? He is moving into our basement, so I can somewhat avoid contact… I think he has some personal issues he just needs to work on and such. He still tells me he loves me and cares about me. I can make the relationship 100% platonic, but living together, working here, and going to school together makes it hard. I have no doubt he will change his mind, but still don’t want to ruin anything. My mouth tends to get in the way. Any suggestions?
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:16 pm
Go right into NC.
Its perfect for you righ tnow.
Megan
March 12, 2015 at 8:51 am
Hi Chris. Whilst following NC, should I stop posting on social networking sites and apps too? So he doesn’t know what I’m doing or who I’m with? Or should I carry on posting as I usually do?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 8:01 pm
No you can still do that as long as you don’t have any direct communication with him.
Tuana
March 11, 2015 at 2:42 pm
We were together 9 years, we broke up 9 months ago! He blocked me in every way… I haven’t contact him for more than 8 months and still love him!!!
Is there a chance for me to bring him back
admin
March 13, 2015 at 7:13 pm
Give me more information about the breakup and what caused it?
Natasha
March 11, 2015 at 8:08 am
I recently started a job in a new town where there’s a tight community of us. I became friends with this guy for ~ 4 months. And then as he started hanging out more with my friends, we became closer and started dating. We were together for 2 months, and the whole time he pushed for exclusivity and I was the commitment phobe. It was pretty perfect because our mutual friends became closer as a group. But now he broke up with me, out of the blue. And then literally did a 180 and told me he’d been unsure for a few weeks and had been trying, but something just wasn’t there. He says he wants to remain friends because he loves me and not ‘us’, even though he admits he still really likes me. He’s the social centre of the group and I’m finding it hard to figure out how to avoid/ not reject all social events and friends meetings while following the NC rule…..
admin
March 13, 2015 at 7:16 pm
You may have to figure out a way.
We can brainstorm.
Mare
March 11, 2015 at 3:01 am
I’ve been in a relationship for the past 5 months up until recently when he dumped me. Everything seemed to be going well up until the last month when he said he was extremely stressed out with work and can’t handle any stress or anything. He said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and needs to focus on himself and getting his life together. When I asked him if this was a right now thing or if there would be a future, I kept getting brushed off. Although of course he said we can ‘stay friends’ and he’s not going anywhere but we can’t be together. And that I shouldn’t stick around if I’m expecting anything in the future.
Of course, I’ve done everything wrong in the crying and begging for him back, expressing my anger, etc. That is over now.
I will follow the NC rule. I have a few questions though, does this also include social media? He’s on all my pages and can visibly see my posts, should I continue to post photos or disappear altogether? Or block or delete him?
Oh and after the 30 days, if he doesn’t contact me and I’m suppose to get in touch with him, what’s the best way to approach him via conversation?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 7:07 pm
Yes after 30 days you are supposed to get in touch with him.
I recommend following this strategy,
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/
amanda
March 10, 2015 at 5:57 pm
My ex broke up with me 2 days ago. During our relationship I became very insecure and would always accuse him of cheating. He said this really got to him and drove him mad. He’s since decided he cannot move on from this and wishes to remain friends. He still says he really loves me and cares about me. I’m on day 2 of NC and it’s pure agony. However, I’m not in control of myself or my emotions. I’m going to fight like hell to give it the 30 days. I’m still hoping he contacts me … but even if he does I’m not sure he’ll change his mind.I feel like he wants me to contact him but I also feel if he wanted to talk he would but so far hasnt ..
admin
March 13, 2015 at 6:44 pm
Why would you always accuse him of cheating?
Did he do anything to make you think that he was?
Tina
March 9, 2015 at 8:35 am
Hi there,
I was together with my bf for 5 years and we lived together for 3 when we decided to study one semester abroad. He in NZ and me in Australia. First everything was fine and he even visited me and we had the greatest time this one week. After he left we started having less and less contact and I got to know someone with whom I fel in love with.
When I met my bf again after 3 months I first thought I can forget about the other one but I couldnt. So I told him and we broke up. Interesting fact is that we still traveled together for a months and also kissed a couple of times. After that we were separated for like a few days and then started traveling again through NZ together. Everything felt good again and we came closer. Then we separated for the last month of traveling and I realized that I want to give us a second chance. I asked him and he said he can’t forget what happened and that he doesn’t want to be in ANY relationship now because he wants to be free. I tried to convince him and promised the world for like a week or so but he was really cold and mean and said it was his final decision and nothing will change it.
He came back to Germany one 1 week after I arrived. I prepared him a little welcome surprise (backed his favorite desert and bought some groceries he likes and a rose). He was thankful and appreciated it but again said that this changed nothing. He didn’t want to talk and he didn’t want to see me because he said I would just go crazy and cry.
I decided to stop contacting him. Mostly because his rejection hurt me too much.
He totally blocks against any kind of conversation about us with everyone.
He seems so sure about his decision. Is there any chance I can et him back wit nc?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:59 pm
Theres a chance it’s roughly 50/50 haha.
Look, if you want him back you are going to have to do more than NC to get him back. NC is just the first step.
Confused
March 8, 2015 at 6:09 am
Hi Chris.
My guy left overseas for a military exercise last week. I dropped him a text on Thursday, asking how he was doing, but he didn’t reply (whatsapp showed that he hadn’t read the message either), but I saw him online on FB. I only sent him that one message and nothing else, but it’s driving me crazy as to why he’s not responding. What should I do?
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:11 pm
There was a poscast that was similar to this situation. You might get something out of listenting to the podcasts.
Amanda
March 7, 2015 at 10:49 pm
So my boyfriend and I were together for almost four years and we were long distance (only two hours away) almost the entire time because I went away to school but we saw each other a decent amount. I came home for winter break from school this year and he just seemed distant. He never really seemed like he wanted to be around me and he never wanted to talk, even just chit chat. So I was always in a bad mood around him because he was never fully there and he wasn’t even close to as affectionate as he usually was. He broke up with me about six weeks ago, claiming that he wasn’t happy with himself and he wanted to just make himself happy and that we’d look at our relationship again once I graduated in May of this year which really isn’t this far away. Well a few days ago I found out over facebook that he’s in a relationship with some girl and everyone’s comments on the post were making it seem like it was a long time coming, almost like he was seeing her while we were still together and I really believe in my heart that he left me for this other girl after almost four years of being together and after our plans to move in together and get married very soon and I really don’t understand how his feelings of love towards me changed so drastically in a month’s time. We had no contact at all for that entire six weeks but I recently texted him just asking if he would meet with me when I was home in a few days just to talk and he didn’t even respond. I desperately want him to want me back and to realize what he’s missing out on by leaving our relationship because I am so hurt that he would just throw our four years away for some girl who probably just smiled and laughed at a few of his jokes, I realize he wanted someting new and exciting but I want him to realize what we had and substance will last over the novel of a new relationship, but I also want answers. I really feel that he owes me an explanation because when he broke up with me he didn’t want to talk or explain he said he wanted to make himself happy, which is understandable if he was unhappy with himself, but I don’t think that was the whole truth, then he ended up just leaving me like I meant nothing and I really don’t understand why he broke up with me and how he moved on so fast with this girl who I think he left me for. I’m not stupid I know because he didn’t answer me he really doesn’t want to talk to me but I really feel that I deserve some answers because I’m so confused and I don’t understand why he left me in the first place and now he’s just completely moved on, I think he wasn’t happy in our relationship and instead of fixing it he decided to just throw it away and get a new girlfriend which is more heartbreaking than our original breakup. I’ve done NC again for about six weeks and I really do want him back but right now I just want an explanation because I really feel I deserve it. I appreciate any help you have, thanks.
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:03 pm
Like a breakup explanation?
Gilly
March 7, 2015 at 7:20 pm
My bf left me after he found out I had an emotional affair through texting someone else. He thought I had slept with that person and I spent a week trying to convince him I didn’t. He left very hurt and angry and said he never wants to see or speak to me again and that we will never get back together. However he does want some money back I owe him. What do I do? I’ve tried my hardest to explain it was a huge mistake and I’m willing to do anything to get us back.
admin
March 8, 2015 at 2:54 pm
How much of an emotional affair are we talking about here?
Also, you can read my page on cheated (even though you physically didn’t cheat) a lot of the advice there is solid.
Gilly
March 8, 2015 at 9:07 pm
My ex bf was away (he’s in the army) and during his absence, my life started to fall apart. I had been given notice on my flat, I had to sell my horse because I was in financial difficulty through losing my flat and my bf wasn’t there. In desperate need of help I turned to someone else. It started off as purely wanting advice but before I knew it I was engaging in conversations that got flirty and a bit out of control. When I did try to talk to my bf about it, he wasn’t understanding. Or that’s how I took it so I turned to the other person even more. My bf and I were then sat up late one night when he told me he felt I was being different towards him and asked me what I wanted and if I wanted him. When I told him I did and what I saw for us in the future he asked if there was someone else amd then asked to look at my phone. I gave it to him and he saw the whole conversation between me and the other person. He left looking completely broken. I am prepared to do everything it takes to try and get him back. To earn both his respect and trust for me again. It’s been a week since I last spoke to him. What makes it harder is the woman he was with before me physically cheated on him and he does have very severe trust issues. I can still see a future with him and if you put aside that temporary moment of lack of understanding/emotion between us, we were good together. Very good in fact. It kills me knowing how much I’ve hurt him.
ella
March 7, 2015 at 6:04 pm
Hello.
I was on Day 9 and the ex emailed to send his condolences and love for a mutual friend who sadly died.
I waited a day and a night then replied ‘Thank you. Yes it’s awfully sad. Hope you are well.’
Am I now back to square one? I thought it would be awful to reply given that it was about a death.
Should I read hope into his condolences?
Thank you so much.
ella
March 7, 2015 at 6:07 pm
I mean to NOT reply. It would be awful to not reply
admin
March 8, 2015 at 2:49 pm
Yes, but you have to not reply if you are doing the nc rule
ella
March 9, 2015 at 5:55 am
Damn. I did send that reply. It was short and polite and unemotional. Thought I was doing the right thing under special circumstances.
So now I start from Day 1 again?