The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Cassandra

April 22, 2015 at 6:12 am

Hi,

My boyfriend and I were together for approx. 4 years. About two months ago we broke up because he said he needed time to be himself. I was upset but what could I do? There had been lots of arguing leading up to it and it wasn’t healthy. At the end of the conversation he hinted at the possibility of it being only a break and said he still loved me. We hugged, and he left. I made the first mistake but contacting him the next day and asking if it was a break or a break-up. To which his response was simple. Yes, it was a break-up. With no chance of getting back together. I was distraught but didn’t let him know that and moved on with my day assuming it was over for good. That same evening (approx. 30 hours after break-up) he messaged me to bring up something that we had gotten together and said he was really enjoying it. I didn’t know the rules of the game yet and so I immediately text him back. After a few messages he asked me if I’d be willing to sit and talk with him 3 days later. I agreed and we stayed in touch in the days leading to the talk.

In the talk we discussed the problems and decided to work on the relationship slowly. We went to the movies, chatted off and on, and slowly slid back into our relationship. This seemed absolutely entirely wonderful.

But. I accept the fault here because he truly was putting his best foot forward. I however (and I didn’t realize it until now) did not. I continued to be depressed (I struggle with depression) and overbearing, jealous, not allowing him to be around females, being jealous of him spending too much time with his friends, complaining about even the small things in my life. I totally get what drove him away. I promised I’d work on these behaviours and I didn’t. I have realized it now, but it was too late. (P.S. I am getting professional assistance for my insecurities, but it’s a work in progress).

After a minor incident he withdrew and gave me the silent treatment. At first I wasn’t overly worried but by day 4 I knew this wouldn’t be good because he didn’t treat me this way before. Day 5 I told him that it couldn’t last for forever and that we needed to talk. So we talked this evening. It went very well at first, and we chatted normally about everyday things. Then it became silent and I started to tell him that I was sorry for my actions and that I was aware I needed to work on them. He stopped me and said he didn’t think he wanted to do it anymore. That he was unhappy, I made things miserable for him, and he needed time to be himself.

I was, and am, heartbroken. It takes two to tango I know, but I firmly believe that if you made a list comparing his wrong-doings to mine, mine would far outweigh his. I realized my need for change… but too late.

So now here is where things become complicated. I was half expecting him to leave based on the silent treatment so it wasn’t an incredible shock… but I figured that there would be a very definite since of finality to it. That he’d show up with the things I’d need, say nice to be with ya but here’s where it ends kind of thing…. What I got was the complete opposite. We almost immediately agreed that despite the last separation being about time, we took none. Then he proceeded to say that maybe things will work out down the road, that he still wants to consider us a possibility in his life, that he still wants us to chat and if I need anything at all to just ask. He then proceeded to say that if in a few weeks to a month’s time things have cooled off that he’d really like to take me out on a date and we can start building from the bottom up.

Woohoo? I think?! This reaction seemed great. He doesn’t want to give up on us! I wasn’t surprised as his desire to have time given the previous break-up and my actions. He promised he wouldn’t even attempt to see other women until we knew if we could work it out but that we needed to step away from each other for now.

So I feel that I have a bit of a uniqueness in my case and I’m a little confused. He’s already shown signs of wanting to get back together, which did seem very genuine, but it puts me in what I feel is a tricky position.

We have agreed for years that under no circumstances will we ignore each other for extended periods of time. He even expressed his upset in having given me the silent treatment for 5 days and emotionally explained his inability to find the right words for what he wanted to say. So I’m feeling like total non-contact may be destructive to our chances?! I would be okay with it, I think that this space will do us both good, but I feel like if I don’t answer his questions that he may feel as though I am violating the ground rules we’ve always had even in pre-relationship communication. I’m not even saying for sure he’ll try to contact me any time soon, but I know him and I know that it is more likely than not.

Also are there any special steps I should take? Knowing that the thought of getting back together is already in his mind?

Cassandra

April 23, 2015 at 8:11 pm

Ok crisis time. My ex had agreed during the break up on working things out just not right now, and I’m only on day 2 of NC but I’m the kind of person that typically texts constantly. He changed his Facebook status back to single, which he didn’t do last time we took a break….

Do you think he already decided to give up and move on or do you think this is more like a way to try to upset me so I’ll talk?! I feel like I’m overreacting by thinking I no longer stand a chance due to a Facebook update after 48 hours but I’m really scared and I really want this to work.

And no, I’m not going to contact him about it or anything else.
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:20 am

If you thik that total NC is going to hurt your chances I would never ask you to do anything you are uncomfortable with.

What I will say is that I highly recommend it.

Rachel

April 21, 2015 at 11:20 pm

Thank you so much for answering my question and responding about how I won’t be successful given my time constraints. Instead, what do you suggest I do?

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:17 am

No I didn’t mean it like that.

I just think that if you put time constraints on this that you wont be successful.

You could always try a hail mary with a shortened NC rule.

Rachel

April 21, 2015 at 1:32 am

We dated for 1.5 years and agreed on a semi-mutual break up. We are graduating from college in 2 weeks and said we’d be friends and that we’d go to each other’s sorority/fraternity formals and we’d still text all the time (I said this to sound more okay and less heartbroken to him). He’s texted me 5 times today freaking out and even Facebook messaged me three times (he never uses Facebook). Given this REALLY complicated time restraint, where we technically won’t see each other again for an extremely long time, what do I do?

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2015 at 5:41 pm

Here is the problem…

The time constraint is holding you down. You can’t be successful if you have time constraints on this process.

Annie

April 20, 2015 at 3:15 pm

Hi,
I really hope you can give me some advice here, I’m on day one of the no contact rule, I completley get it one hundred percent. No contact at all, nothing, nada, zilch…. But (and I bet you knew that but was coming) my ex broke up with me because he’s depressed and needs time to focus on himself (30 days seems perfect, right?) first – am I being selfish hoping to win him back, I’m completely in love with him and I know he still loves me. I know he doesn’t want to have to have broken up and I wish I could have persuaded him otherwise (I tried) but am I being selfish? Secondly, because of the depression, I don’t want him to sink further into it thinking that no one cares if I don’t text him back (that’s if he texts me) in willing to do it, at this point I don’t see I have anything to lose, but I’m wondering if there could be any additional guidance because of his mental health issues. Also, I’ve never not text him back, even in the beginning when he had to pursue me (and I made him pursue me) I always replied within the hour, could this cause him to suspect I’m up to something should I maybe wait a couple of hours to text back or text him the next day? I’m guessing your answer to that will be no, but I have to ask… As I’ve said I’ve got nothing to lose anyway, I’ve already lost him, I just hope you can give me some additional guidance particularly around no contact and his depression.
Thanks!
Rachel

April 20, 2015 at 12:57 pm

Chris,

I’ve tried emailing you and commenting here multiple times and have received no response! Long story short, my boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke it off 4 days ago in what was sort of a mutual decision (I wasn’t that on board because I wanted to keep trying to fix things, but he never even gave it a try even after we went on a break). I know he’s going through a lot right now and something about us changed- I became his doormat basically. We are seniors in college graduating in 3 weeks and then will move away from each other. I know he still really cares about me and us and wants to be friends for the time being. What do I do?
CF

April 19, 2015 at 12:42 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. His reasoning being that he doesn’t think we are on the same page. Things were getting too serious, and he felt his feelings were fading. We have been dating for 3 years. He told me that he didn’t want things to end sour between us and hope that we will continue to be friends. If we ever happen to bump into each other in the future, he hopes that we can grab a drink and what not like old friends would. I haven’t contacted him since as I intended to carry through with the NC rule. However, he has a really important exam coming up next week and I have been debating whether or not to send him a simple good luck text the day of the exam. My intention of sending this text isn’t to remind him that I am still alive and thinking about him. As a friend, or as an ex, I really would like to wish him luck as I know how stressed and important this exam is to him. At the same time, I don’t want this text to jeopardize any chance of getting back together with him. Should I push forward and continue with the NC rule, or should I send the good luck text next week and restart the NC rule from day one afterwards?

Jennifer

April 23, 2015 at 7:07 pm

Don’t send him any good luck texts. Continue with the NC rule. That’s the only way his feelings will return. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Sarah

April 18, 2015 at 11:27 pm

Hi Chris,

I am very happy to tell you I followed the no contact rule, and he contacted me several time to which i did not reply. After my thirty days i contacted him with a first contact text and he responded very positively. Since then we have spoken everyday, initially just a few texts back and forth, him always very enthusiastic and positive, and me always ending the conversation. He even was the one to text me first about 80% of the time. He invited for on several “catchups” where he paid for everything, was very complementary, and was basically gushing over me. We have got to the point where he brouht up the breakup and said that he wishes he could rewind time and change things, and that he wants to fix things. I told him i wanted to take things slow, but that i wanted to keep seeing him – where he then asked me to be exclusive!!! As he couldnt bare the thouht of me seeing anyone else but him, and that he akso didnt want to see anyone but me.

Hes even planning future things for us to go to, talking about trips we could take this year, and is overall talking about our future.

Im very confident in the fact we will be getting back together officially, its still early days but thankyou Chris for helping me get my boyfriend back!!
Your website was very helpful and it gave me patients to carry out the no contact period as well as giving me some insit into the male mindset. It gave me confidence and actually helped me grow as a person. He even noted that i looked like i was really happy as he has seen things on my facebook (i used the social media blog to my advantage).

I feel like not only have i grown as a person, i think its also going to help this new relationship grow, as i feel happier with mhself and want to focus on myself too, rather than putting all my efforts into him. I think this time round its going to be a much more level relationship. Im looking forward to what my future has in store.

and i mean this in the best possible way, but i hope i never have to visit this website again 🙂

Again, thankyou Chris!!!

Sarah

April 26, 2015 at 4:45 am

Hi chris,

im back on this site, but for good news, happy to say we are officially back together as of about a week ago 🙂

I think i was so confident because i had made genuine improvements to myself, and i felt confident in the fact that i was worth it, and that he was also seeing that i was worth it.
hes told me how beautiful i am every single day since we got back in touch, told me how much he regrets his choice and that if he could he would go back in time and change everything. Hes making an equal effort in the relationship now and is being the loving caring happy guy he used to be before we broke up.

more importantly though, im happy in myself and as much as i hate to admit it, I think the breakup was beneficial for us both. I found myself again, and he realised what he has and what he could lose, so hesmaking the effort to keep me this time.
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:26 pm

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 9:18 pm

I hope you never visit again either.

I love you confidence.

Tell me why are you so confident?

Rue K

April 18, 2015 at 2:25 pm

Can I do implement the no contact rule on him for 20 days instead of 30 days?

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 9:00 pm

21 days is the lowest I would ever go.

Rue K.

April 17, 2015 at 7:46 pm

Thanks. I’ve started it on 17 April. I haven’t texted him the whole day and that might have got him wondering why I haven’t contacted him. So he texted me in the evening saying that he was watching our favourite movie and it reminded him of me. I ignored it. Hope he doesn’t get over me. I’m really scared that he’ll go farther away if I ignore him. But I’ll follow the NC rule strictly. Just hoping for the best to happen.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:44 pm

I think you are making the right decision with NC.

Anu Dhiman

April 17, 2015 at 3:30 pm

WHEN TO FINISH THE NO CONTACT RULE?
HE has called me thrice and sent three text msgs in the very first day.
What message shud I wait for?

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Remember, the only time you can break NC early is if you receive 7 calls/texts in a row.

Anu Dhiman

April 17, 2015 at 9:53 am

Hi Chris

I badly need your help.
I have a very wierd story. I am 29 yrs old and this Guy is 34
He approached me on a matrimony website and I didnt respond as I thought our families dont have a good match. He contacted on fb and i missed to respond as im an occassional fb visitor. He then asked my sister on fb to tell me to respond.
I finally responded that our families dont have a match. This happened in mid January.
Then we got to talk one day and I got to know that he was under depression since last 3-4 months as his love could not be arranged into a marriage and the girl had moved on.
As I had been through a similar episode I decided to help him out of it and I did.
When he became fine I asked and tried to Stop talking but couldnt as I had become a support for him. We had also started to like each other. And he started to pursue me for marriage and tried to convince me and explain me the facts and figures.
I couldnt accept the proposal though I liked him a lot because I thought my family would never approve of this guy and his family and I didnt want either of us to get into the scenario we have already been through..of trying to arrange the love into marriage and it not getting materialised ….and then messing up the relationship amongst ourselves and with our families.

So As I liked him a lot and didnt want to loose him out of my life I decided that we would stay as friends forever as we shared among us unconditional love and understanding. We both have always shared happy moments and tried to take the other to higher planes. But all this happened in less than three months. And in the end I realised I love him so much and even if I wont try to marry HIm I would definitely loose him to anothr girl. But when I told him I want to marry you he got upset as he said why I didnt tell when he was after me madly and I had shifted his mind towards being friends and now HE and his family were already involved with some other girl and her family.
I had already convinced my family and I begged him for at least one chance. But Now he said he doest feel the same for me and cant break the heart of the girl who loves him so much. His conversation with the other girl would have been about 2 weeks old.
He wants me to be his friend and sends me his pictures to know how he is looking and even said miss u with good night a few days back. What I know is that he is confused. He likes me no doubt.
Definitely he is eager for marriage. Though both families and guy and other girl are liking each other for marriage but i still have a chance. Actually the girl has got some govt job in a faraway place which she and her family dont want to loose and neither they want to loose the guy. So the families have decided to wait till the transfer is done.

I want him back in my life. He needs to realise that he is making a mistake which i was making earlier. I love him and lot and i need to make him realise his love.

My immediate query is that as we have never met and rarely did we have a declared lovers relation, though there was immense love and we said a no of times in a day that i love u lot but we kept ourselves to friends in saying. all other things were mostly unsaid.
so should i go for no contact rule suddenly or should i be good friends him.
I v already told him that i ll be waiting for him to marry before I get married and that i want to marry him. He has agreed that if by any chance he doesnt get married or engaged there he would definitely come back to me.

please guide me how to proceed. I hope i have mentioned all imp points.

Thanks
Waiting eagerly.
Anu.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:32 pm

I wouldn’t leave it up to fate like that.

What are you doing so far to get him back?

NC?

Anything like that?

lisa

April 17, 2015 at 3:23 am

Hi. I dated a guy for only 4weeks. I liked him a lot and he said he quite liked me. He asked me out one night which I couldn’t do, so I suggested the following night. He replied he was going speed dating with a female friend of his. I was not happy with this at all. So I told him and said I needed to be exclusive and I would have to stop seeing him. He said he totally understood but did not want to commit. Does the 30 day rule still work if we were only dating a few weeks? We were intimate. It is day 7 and no word from him but I am weakening! I class myself as the one under a UG. Lisa
Rue K.

April 16, 2015 at 6:27 am

Hi Chris,
I’m Rue. I know you hear a lot of stories everyday. I will appreciate if you read one more. My LDR ex broke up with me a few days ago but I want him back really badly. He said we can be friends but he’d been ignoring me the whole time. When he was breaking up he said, “I want to be single. I want to be alone for a while. I want to discover myself and find my inner peace. And I don’t think that we’ll ever get back. But if you want you can wait or just move on. I don’t care about that, though.” And this broke me completely. We had been together for more than a year. My ex, when we were in a relationship, was really reserved; he never shares a lot that goes in his mind with anyone. Not even his friends or me. So I’m really worried if he’ll actually never come back. I’d been Googling for a lot of ways to get him back and found your website, EBR. I’ve read most of it and I found the NC rule and I’ve got a question abt it. My ex boyfriend’s exams are almost here, this May. So will it be OK if I start the NC rule now? Will it disturb him from focusing in his studies? And what if he thinks that I don’t want him back the whole time during the progression of the NC rule? What if it fails? I will be waiting to receive a reply from you soon

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 3:33 pm

Yes it will be ok if you start the NC rule now.

sarah

April 12, 2015 at 4:53 am

Hey Chris,
My ex was my senior by 4 years in medical school, was an achiever and extremely popular with all the professors and students. I always thought he was better than me and had a huge crush on him for a long time. Finally I texted him on Facebook and we started texting after he finished med school.
Using a combination of keeping him interested + making him miss me + jealousy + compliments, I made him admit that he loved me and a LDR started 2 and a half years back.
He moved to a different country. In the beginning i was a ‘free kinda’ girl and didnt give him everything. I held back. That was when he was behind me like a lost pupply. In the last 1 year, I changed a lot for him, I did everything for him.. He got into a residency program, and is permanently leaving the country.
Anyway for the last few months, his voice was cold, we stopped having phone sex and he always wanted to hang up on me.. And hr pretended he was letting me study for my exams without distracting me. The essential problem was that he didn’t meet my expectations and we both knew it. Finally about 2 months back, he broke up on the day my exams ended on the phone.
I went to his place to ask him why. He gave me unsatisfactory reasons and then for a week we exchanged random texts. We had agreed to be friends.
Last week he came to my city to meet some friends. I was kinda ignoring him but he texted and said he had a book to give me.
I went to get the book and my biggest mistake. I tried to hug him. He pulled away. After that I texted him I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Im happy now, let’s not separate so horribly, let’s meet and talk decently.
He refused. I got angry and said I don’t need your friendship anymore and started ignoring him.
After a week of ignoring him, he texted me saying he will be good friends with me but he wants reassurance that I realize a romantic relationship is not possible.
I replied yeah. Even if you were, I’m not. Let’s be friends.
Is it possible to establish the no contact rule now? He leaves the country in two months. Is it possible to get him back before that?

sarah

April 16, 2015 at 10:30 am

what should I do? Continue NC?
sarah

April 16, 2015 at 10:29 am

My ex blocked me cos I didn’t reply for 5 days after I started NC. He’s angry I guess. And just before NC we had agreed to be friends

Dan

April 11, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Me and my girlfriend were together for almost 3 years. We’ve known each other for 10 years and always had a thing for each other during High School. I was her first real boyfriend at the age of 19 and I was her first and only lover. We connected so much through our similarities and similar interests; we both don’t drink much or go out clubbing but we’d always have issues on both sides about us being insecure , be protective of one another and all the little arguments modern day social media can cause through follows/likes etc. Then a month ago, she told me she still loved me and wanted to be with me and still found me attractive but couldn’t be in this ‘controlling’ relationship anymore, she was doing this ‘for her’ and she wanted to be able to go out and see her friends more, basically wanting more freedom. Before she broke up with me she applied for a new job locally and just after all this happened she’d got the job, just working in a restaurant. She was always faithful, as was I and she swears theres nobody else and I believe her too but I think her new job and maybe seeing her friends more has possibly replaced me and leaves little time to think about me/miss me. She deleted me off certain social media networks like Instagram and Facebook too to make things ‘easier’. Initially I tried everything to get her back, I would have and would do anything to keep her in my life. After wishing her a happy birthday, this is my 7th day of NC. I don’t know what my next move is, it seems NC contact gets harder the longer you pursue it and I’m constantly worried by the idea of her forgetting about me or maybe moving on but I also understand creating this gap could possibly make her miss me, wonder about me and reignite her true feelings for me but also help myself. I felt I was doing really well with this method but some reason today, I’ve almost had a relapse and NEARLY messaged her, I feel like i’m back to square one. What should I do?

Jennifer

April 23, 2015 at 7:15 pm

Stay strong; you can do it! Don’t contact her, don’t give her anything to rebel against. If she contacts you, tell her that she was right, she needed the space or the time or whatever, and that you’re proud of her. Then be the first to exit the conversation.

Zenyth

April 10, 2015 at 3:51 pm

Hi Chris. I’m back again and just have no clue if I should be continuing NC. Recap. My ex and I broke up now about a month and 10 days now ago. I tried NC right after and failed miserably when he contacted me after only 3 days. It was quite nasty. I decided to give up on it and move on to another guy. True to rebound form it ended after a week. I contacted him after that again and he let me know that he had found someone but still thought about me. We made a pact with eachother that if neither of our situations worked out that we would attempt the relationship again, given time and our ability to trust eachother again. With that I decided that I wanted to go back into NC. I failed again after only a week because I saw him on my bday, given that we work in the same area. I kept the text convo short, following all the rules of things to do after NC. I was actually kinda surprised at how well even that worked. After that I made a commitment to really go for NC, as a challenge to myself to make real change for myself. Ironically I didnt actually think to follow any of the rules consciously for what to do during NC. They just started happening. Just started falling into place and it all felt right. Well he drove past me like he usually does on his way to work. I wasnt even expecting him to text me, as we go through this same routine almost every day. He surprised me when only seconds after passing me he sent me a jolly text. I ignored or course. Five minutes later though he sent another text inquiring about my relationship status. I ignored that one as well. I am at the point now where I feel that I do love him and want him in my life, but that I need to finish this NC period for myself. At the same time, I don’t want him to move on. What should I do?

Jennifer

April 23, 2015 at 7:17 pm

Finish the 30-day NC and then when he asks you, say just what you said … something like “I enjoyed some time to myself and had a list of things I wanted to accomplish.”
Zenyth

April 21, 2015 at 11:19 pm

So I have a little under 8 days to go before I finish no contact. After that last text I literally started purposefully avoiding him. I have been coming work early every day so he has not been able to drive by me. This afternoon he texted me saying that he is just checking on me and asked me if I am alright. Nice to know that I am still on his mind. I would like to know exactly what that really means. I am now starting to get pressure from people who know that I am doing this to go ahead and start talking to him. I am resisting only because I am beginning to enjoy this 30-day journey. Its awesome to know that I can and am really doing this and I still have a list of things I want to accomplish by the end of this period. However, at this point, with me being selfish and actually taking this time to make meaningful transformations, what do I say to him when he asked whats been happening to me for the past 2 months? FYI I have failed the NC 3x and this is my 4th and final go at it.

candi

April 10, 2015 at 5:26 am

Hey … my boyfriend/ex was avoiding contact with me and speaking short text .messages I love you … miss you and so on but later I found out he moved out our place and in with someone else. Some of his things are in our apt. I have called his phone numerous times no reply…..I went on fb and told him I love him and the sacrifices I done to prove it . And I told him he should let me know if it is over and it’s ok if he needs space . He never answered but blocked me. He even changed his number but text me next day…. I started no contact like 2 weeks ago and cut all ties…. and it hurts but I refuse to let him see it…… I wanna do a note telling him about the fact that I am willing to give him his space question is should I have done this prior to the 2 week nc
Samantha

April 9, 2015 at 3:56 am

Hey, I was with my boyfriend for about 10 months… I was the first girl he introduced to his family and I thoughts things were going pretty well… we started dating may 23 2014 and in sept he broke up with me… so I simply said at that time.”OK, if that’s what you want f** you! Don’t talk to me.” That night he stayed home instead of going drinking with his guy friends and cried. I know because he called me crying at one point. The next day he came over and asked me to forgive him because he loved me and from that point things got a little serious. He spent thanksgiving with my family and I spent Christmas and new years with his.. during our relationship he mentioned us moving in together a few times and on Valentines day he was crying when he said “I love you!” He then over dinner asked if we would plan to get a place in august together. After that he ignored me for 1 & 1/2 weeks and came to my house and broke up with me. I didn’t cry in front of him because I had talked to his mom that day and she told me she knew something was up so I expected it.. When I met him 4days later to get my things.. He got into my car and wouldn’t get out! He kept the teddy I used to cuddle some nights and my pillow because he said “It helped him to sleep better” Also when I finally got him out of my car and put my things in the trunk he forced me to hug him and asked me to keep in touch with him..p.s NC started at the moment I drove away… Since he broke up with me its been 33 days of No Contact. He hasn’t tried to contact me yet.

Yes its been hard but I’ve had a wonderful support team. I do still want him back and want to see him but know that I haven’t made a big enough change for myself. Is it wrong to wait longer? Does the chances of winning them back decrease?
Phedra

April 9, 2015 at 1:07 am

My husband of 15 years and I have recently began the process of divorcing. We have two kids together. We separated once with a court order, then asked him to come back to try again and it didn’t work. We separated again and started with the divorce process although I always pushed for counseling first. After the first meeting with the attorney I was very angry and miserable and kept attacking him, blaming him, making sure he knows in how much pain I am. That made him avoid me. Before that I sort of tried to bargain, convince him to go counseling first but he says it’s for the best of the kids and that he wants to move on and this relationship has taken a toll on him. After all the above, actually since 3-4 fdays ago I sort of turned around and started taking it easy. Yesterday I found all those sites and the no contact rule. I cannot maintain the no contact as he always calls or emails about the kids, or the appointments we have or stuff that need to be done. How do I maintain no contact? I do not initiate communication, I respond when I really have to and keep it to what is needed to be said….would that still work if I want to get him back?
Jacqueline

April 6, 2015 at 6:46 am

I was in a great relationship for over a year. We knew each other since we were kids and reconnected online. He moved back home from another state, where he was currently living, to be with me. We had big plans to live our lives together and have kids, etc. He was always telling me I was his forever. I also have a child, who he loved too. We lived together and I now realize we probably did that too fast. It started with a lot of fighting over the course of one month about me not appreciating him and always finding something wrong to complain about. That led to his breaking point. He said, “I think we need some time apart” and he also said, “we did this your way,(meaning living together) now we’re going to do this my way” (the guy is extremely stubborn as well). He also said “we can’t work this out overnight” and “just because I wanted him to stay didn’t mean that he should”.. after our talk, he told me everything was going to be ok but he wasn’t going to stay at our place. He even told me he loved me the next day. Then it seems like overnight it transitioned to him blowing me off on our hanging out plans and him telling me “it’s probably for the best” (meaning a break up). I made the mistake of begging and making a fool out of myself (while apologizing for how I made him feel) but after all was said and done, he moved out and I cooperated with the process. I have been doing NC for almost 2 weeks now. I still feel so confused as to what happened. To me, it took a turn for the worst unexpectedly. It’s been radio silence. I feel like what we had should not have been thrown away so easily. Is this a control thing and I’m now being punished for how I’ve made him feel? Will NC even work?

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