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Post categories
TYSM
April 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm
Lets see quick background summary we went out for over a year and after the break up were back and forth. Then I finally gave up on him and then we tried being friends but I gave up on that also due to why and feelings. Then I gave the NC rule for about 3 months. He started contacting me again and at first I did not reply then I did minimally and now he keeps inviting to hangout with his friends…. How should I take this? Is this bad ?
TYSM
May 3, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Yes it should I think he is trying to be friends now and see where we go in the long run
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 9:14 am
why? shouldn’t that be a good opportunity to rebuild rapport?
Jean
April 27, 2016 at 10:14 pm
Hello EBR Team!
I’ve started yesterday no contact but I have some unresolved issues in what regards material things like sharing the same cellphone plan. I told him to contact a common friend when he wanted to solve that instead of contacting me.Is it ok for me to do this or should I contact him?I don’t think I can handle speaking to him right now
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:28 am
it’s okay to talk to him directly about that.. as long as you’re not having small talk and not talking about the relationship and feelings, you’re not breaking nc.. you need to have your own life and build your own routine and improve yourself to regain attraction..
Poppie
April 27, 2016 at 8:49 pm
Hello EBR!
My ex broke up with me about a month ago and blocked or deleted my number then after contacting him via social media begging and pleading he told me he needed some time , 3 days later he contacted me positively I ended the conversation the next day I contacted him and then he ended the conversation now it looks like he’s blocked me or deleted my number? Help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:51 am
Hi Poppie,
If you didn’t no contact, try it.. since he’s been sending mixed signals too.. let him think.
Westley
April 26, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Hi EBR Team,
I have some tricky questions about no contact. My ex wanted to remain friends after the breakup (BU because not ready to commit), and said that down the line when he is ready and if we both still have feelings for each other that we would get back together, but I want him to realize what he is losing before he moves on and it is too late, would I use NC for this?
If so, what do you say if he contacts? Do you say that you need space, or just ignore it until 30 day NC is over? And what do you say if he asks why you have ignored him? Thank you very much in advance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:21 am
Hi Westley,
tell him you need space because you’re not ready to be friends before no contact but don’t mention until when you wuold do nc.
Haley Gilreath
April 26, 2016 at 4:44 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 7 days ago today; we dated a year, and this was completely unexpected. He is 35, never been married, and never even had a girlfriend before. We fell in love, and besides our experiences with relationships, and my being a christian, and him not believing in God at all, we had a lot in common. He was very apprehensive about committing to an exclusive relationship after 4 months of dating, and we actually split up for a month before he contacted me asking for another chance, because he wanted to give an exclusive relationship with me a try. Since then, things have been great; he mentioned moving in together, and we were planning on making the move this summer, but the closer it got, the more disconnected he became. We had an argument, where he announced that he didn’t want to move in right now, and he needed more time. I was very hurt, but told him I’d give him more time if that’s what he needed. The next day, he called and broke things off saying we were two different people, living in two different worlds, and our relationship had run its course.
My question is, based on your knowledge, do you think he’ll ever contact me? If so, how long does it usually take?
I’ve had absolutely no contact with him since the night he called things off, and I’ve been posting on social media the fun, non-destructive, things I’ve been doing since then with my friends. I’m just worried that he’s going want me back, and I’m not going to be strong enough to stay away from him. I don’t want him back at this point; I see him as a very fragile man, who’s terrified of commitment, even though he says marriage and a family are ultimately what he wants. I’m afraid if I take him back, he’ll eventually leave again, when it’s time to take things to the next step.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hi Haley,
you’re already strong enough by not staying in nc.. YOu need to set your expectations if he comes back and let him do the work.. don’t open up moving in together so he won’t feel pressured.. It depends on your standards if you will let him stay if he keeps being uncommitting.. So, if he talks again with you after nc.. take it slow, so you’ll know if you’re in the same page.
Lana
April 24, 2016 at 10:49 pm
I’ve been in an on and off relationship with my ex for the past 16 months. We had very good times together, then out of no where last August (2015) I found out he was sleeping with another woman. He broke up with me after I confronted him! I went no contact for 3 days and he promised me that he would cut her off in order for me not to leave. The worst part is that I’ve caught him multiple times still messing around with the same girl AFTER I FORGAVE HIM… I’m talking flowers, dates, etc. He denies everything! This past Thursday I went to the gym and accidently found out he put HER ON OUR MEMBERSHIP ACCOUNT. I was sick to my stomach, literally in tears during my workout. But my sickness was much more then emotional pain, I found out later that afternoon that I’M PREGNANT. I’m on day 3 of no contact once, I’ve blocked him from everything! I want my baby to have a family, but I refuse to let him treat me like a doormat any longer.
btw: I have not confirmed my pregnancy in fear he will stress me out.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 6:05 pm
Hi Lana,
okay Lana, the baby is first priority right now.. So, whatever doesn’t stress you out, or stress you out less do it.
Thalia
April 24, 2016 at 4:08 am
Hi EBR TEAM MEMBER:
i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and half years fews days ago.
and after a day of breaking up with him, i went back to him apologizing for breaking up with him and asking him to take me back. but he told me that he already moved on and had to sleep with another girl just to make sure we don’t get back together.
so i decided to shut him out for 2 days with no contact, and recently I noticed he”s been watching my snapchats.
i don’t know if i should do the NC and block him from seeing my posts on snapchat or talk to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 10:56 am
Hi Thalia,
have you talked again? if not, don’t block him and proceed to nc.. I think you should just do 21 days and be proactive during it.. post your activities but don’t caption it relating to him
Dina
April 24, 2016 at 1:33 am
Hey I really need help me and my ex we’ve been together for a year and 4 months and in the last 3 months he ignored me all the time and he didn’t wanted to see me or talk to me and he never cared about anything in my life and i was just feeling that am a side dish for him and not for evey meal as well,so I decided to distance myself a little because i was tired of sayin to him that iam mad at him and that he doesn’t love me as i love him so I treated him the same way he treated me and he was upset he thought that i have depression because i was saying nth wrong am just not happy so finally i told him that am like this because of his actions and he said okay i dnt feel like talking today ill talk to u tomorrow then he didn’t call for 2 days then I called him acted like his just someone i knw and told him i was checking on u do u need anything!and we hanged up then he didnt call for a week so i called him and broke up with him he said ill call u tomorrow are u free okay bye bye ,then i called after a minute i said to him i think u didn’t get me am tired of everything you do u r saying u r gonna call me ,i dnt want us to continue I dnt see that u r right one for me he said no i knew what u meant and iam still gonna call are u going to answer or not i said why wouldn’t i!i will ,and that was 4 days ago and he didn’t call what should ido!do u think he’s going to call?!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 9:26 am
Hi Dina,
it’s like he sees right through you.. He knows you’re just doing it to get him to put more effort.. maybe because he knows that’s the reason to the first time you ignored him but right now, you have to show him that you really meant what you said.. not juat because you want him to change.. be busy, do new activities, meet new people..basically show him that he’s the one that has something to lose
Elizabeth
April 24, 2016 at 1:07 am
Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up last Thursday (3 days ago). It’s a long story. We had been together for 3.5 years. 2 of those years we were doing long distance (I moved to NYC). He recently moved out of his parents’ house (small town) to a big city. I suppose I had a false sense of security because I told him I was thinking about staying in NYC for another year while he was doing his business elsewhere. Knowing that he had used a dating website before we were together, I got paranoid and decided to look him up just to see if he was using it again. He was. He didn’t tell me about it at the time but once I confronted him, he told me that he had been unhappy in our relationship but maintained that I had been the “best”, “perfect girlfriend”. He told me nothing has come from the dating profile (and that it was more or less hurting his confidence). I have visited him twice since I found out about his profile in March. The first time went great! And when I returned to NYC we started skyping every day for hours – sometimes 10+ hours a day. He was being very sweet and boyfriend-y. I recently visited him and thats when we broke up. He was in the middle of exams (under a lot of stress and self-loathing) and as I suffer from anxiety, I had a bad attack which resulted in him kicking me out of his place the next morning. Since Thursday, he has sent me 1 Facebook message (a movie trailer – we send links back and forth) but no comment attached. The same day he sent me a text with a song lyric: “Come on, whisper, tell me Im the one” by Tom Waits. Today he sent me a text that said, “I’m sorry for the way things have gone”… I havent responded to either of his attempts to contact me as I would like to try the No Contact plan – ideally to let him think about what he wants / see if online dating is actually what he wants. I felt so dumb and pathetic for continuing on with him after I found out about his profile but I tried my hardest to see if I could change his mind and get him to delete it without me actually asking (just hinting)… Anyway, what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 8:58 am
Hi Elizabeth,
ok continue on nc..start to do thing to improve yourself.. if he says he really wnats to get back, it’s ok to break nc but talk about what you want and contnue onnyour activities that you started during nc
Luana
April 21, 2016 at 7:23 pm
Hi!
5 years with my boyfriend and we had an argument where it sounded like I broke up with him but when I talked to him he was not interested I tried everything we’ve had some bad conversations and some good conversations over the past month we were due to see each other today but he said he ‘genuinely cannot see me if we are going to work I need time to miss you not a day but weeks’ so I said ok in a months time we still need to have a fall weather we sort it out or gain clarity and move on he said okay and I left it at that
Can this still kind of work as a no contact rule?
I have no idea how to interpret what he is saying?
Luana
April 23, 2016 at 6:35 am
Thanks so much for your reply!!
I do not have him on any social media I only have him on whatsapp at the moment
So I’m a bit unsure of what to do?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 3:08 pm
it’s ok.. continue to post in your social media accounts because he might check that or your mutual friends might see and when they meet or talk, they might talk about you and your mutual friends might ask him about your recent posts
Luana
April 21, 2016 at 7:25 pm
*****Talk not fall
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 5:36 am
Hi Luana,
it’s better if he didn’t know you were doing no contact.. So, to make up for it… be very active.. show him you’re moving on and improve yourself. just don’t caption your posts that you are moving on.. just show that you are not moping around and waiting for him to text you
Joey
April 21, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Hello,
Some great advice on this site (which I REALLY needed). I was with someone for 5 years, although the last 2 were very on and off. We’ve been officially done since January, but have tried communicating a few times since then but seems to always end up in a fight. Seems everything I do or don’t do is wrong or bad or insufficient, etc…”Laurie” tells me all the time that she still loves me and thinks of me daily…and it’s the same for me. But we were always like 2 positive sides of a magnet trying to get along.
So why would I want to stay in this relationship? Because our good times were simply fabulous! She is the only woman who has ever made me feel like a king…but unfortunately, she has also made me feel lower than anyone ever has. recently I discovered that she has several traits of someone having Borderline Personality Disorder…which, when thinking back over the last 5 years makes so much sense now. The majority of the web sites specializing in BPD say to run as fast as you can from someone having that. However, some provide tips and recommendations on how someone can be with a BPD person…I chose the latter.
I know she is seeing someone now but I don’t think it is all that serious or she wouldn’t be contacting me at all. There is no denying that we both still love each other very much and on my end (the eternal optimist), I still see hope.
Which brings me to today. We had another tiff a few days ago and now have made a strong promise to myself to start and maintain an NC period for 30 days and then go from there. I know she will try to contact me during that time, but given the situation, I’m not sure if I should respond or ignore her. My questions are: Am I being love blind in thinking things can change between us? If she does contact me during NC, what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 5:07 am
Hi Joey,
I think you need to address what it really takes to be in a relationship with her.. have limits and standards so, you won’t end up just agreeing to everything she does. If you’re in nc, you should ignore her.. you only talk if it’s an emergence, or if she says she wants to get back with you.
Karolina
April 20, 2016 at 4:58 pm
My navy boyfriend dumped me by dropping communication entirely. Its been almost two months now since he’s stopped writing. We didn’t fight or anything the last time we spoke, he just said that he’s fed up with life. Prior to that he became distant and would slack on responding to my messages. I was always there for him since he joined the Navy, supporting him, sending care packages so that he’d feel loved. We would plan seeing each other over the summer time, talked/Skyped daily for over 7 months. In fact, he sent me a massive care package with a love letter for Valentines Day so him completely shutting me off confused the hell out of me. The last time we spoke I was trying to get to know what was wrong, trying to show my concerns yet he would only change the subject. Finally, I said that I am not his enemy but his friend, and dont know if he takes me as somebody more that that anymore. He answered to my message by saying that he should’ve stayed at the ship cause theres no point to going back to his room. I replied with “maybe you should have”, he viewed the message and wouldn’t reply since then. After four days I messaged him “I take the silence as you need some alone time. You should know that you can always lean on me even in your hardest times. So please, message me when you feel ready, I miss you severly.” Didn’t even view the message. After two weeks I tried calling him six times, he didnt pick up even though he was online. Its been a month since the last time I tried to reach him. He’s stationed in Japan, originally from the US, I live in Europe. What do I do? If I want to message him what do I say? I still miss him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 8:44 am
Hi Karolina,
give yourself a timeline until when you would wait.. you’ve said the best words and he’s still not replying
jesica
April 20, 2016 at 12:16 pm
hi I saw you answered all of the comments and questions from people. I was looking for someone’s situation which is similar with mine but I didn’t find it.
I broke up in January, since that i tried to improve myself, I did NC rule but I broke it at 7th days because I saw him felt depressed, need motivation and so on. Our issue is because we are in LDR and he said he can’t take it, he couldn’t travel because of money issue too, he failed at the test and so on and so on (more like about his own issues). I wanted to help him but maybe my intentions was not go along with my actions, especially we are living too far away from each other.
Now, he is kinda cold and busy with something, he said he still cares of me but he didn’t contact me or something. I dont understand what to do. Now i am the one who feeling depressed.
Is that too late to do the no contact rule? what should i do? i need someone to talk with about that
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 6:46 am
Hi Jesica,
You have to address this factors first, time and money to see each other for at least once a month and a plan to be together.. if you don’t have it, it would really be hard.. if you have it.. talk about it to him.. if he doesn’t want to talk then try nc for one last time.
Win
April 20, 2016 at 9:18 am
Hi, Im with my Bf for more than two years, he decided to stay back in Europe for work. its been 4 months since we are away from each other, first two months he regularly contacting me (even gets mad if I dont answer or pick up his calls)… March and April, things are getting slow, he doesnt call anymore, he txt only if I txt him first. He said that there will be no commitment between the two of us unless i followed him back to Europe as he doesnt believe in LDR. I want us to be back where we used to, calls, facetime regualar text….. he is sooooo distant and cold. should i stay back and do NC rule for now? PLS HELP. I am hurting!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 6:26 am
Hi Win,
The truth is you have to have time and money to at least see each other once a month and a plan on when you would be together someday for a long distance relationship to work. Think about that and if you have solutions, talk about it to him.
Tallie
April 18, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Hi,
The 30-day no contact period might not work for me in my case, and I was wondering about exceptions. He and I are about a 15 minute walk away from each other at the moment, and we might accidentally see one another throughout the NC period because we tend to frequent the same places (and for both of us, it’s almost a requirement we be there, although not at the same time).
In three weeks, however, he will be moving (temporarily) half way across the world for work. I’ll also be moving for a couple of months, just not as far. Do you think I should shorten the NC period because of this? And if I shouldn’t, how does that change the way I reach out to him?
Additionally, his mother’s sister is battling a disease that will likely kill her in the next month or so, and I really want to be there for him. In fact, I don’t have it in me to not be there if he reaches out about it. So I’m hoping it’s an exception.
Thank you in advance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 20, 2016 at 9:19 am
Hi Tallie,
actuallu you can still do nc even if you live near each other but because of her mom’s sickness, it’s not likely.. also if you’re moving that lessens the chance of making the relationship work if it will be long distance.. so, for now all you can do is not initiate contact and just respond if he does.. if you can talk it out thats better
marie
April 18, 2016 at 7:52 pm
hi my name is Marie. I dated my ex for almost a year (in may) I just recently broke up with him, although he was in agreement with it ( acted like he didn’t care much) I am a single mom, but successful in my career and make a decent amount of money, I am also a calendar model, lingerie model, and in graduate school with a full scholarship. My plate is FULL, and he was rarely willing to help me with anything… he paid no bills although he lived with his parents and stayed with me every night, wouldn’t cut the lawn, help with the dog, cleaning, cooking..anything he didn’t really help out but every so often when i would ask. eventually he said he’d move in i made sure that he was okay with this move and he say he wanted too i asked ALOT since he is 28 and lived in his parents basement his whole life. It worked sorta but he would always leave and go back to his parents he paid about 1/3 of the bills. and one night we got in a argument and i came home from work and everything was moved out and he had moved back in with his parents. So i didn’t speak to him picked up more hours at work to make up for his part of the bills. after a few days he said he wanted to be together but live with his parents until we get married (and he knows i NEVER want to get married–personal choice) we tried that a few days and i just ended up ending it cause i resenting him leaving my daughter and I. I said I’m sorry i wish you the best and he actually said — i bet one day we will have better timing,… like ill be waiting around? since i haven’t contacted him and he hasn’t tried to contact me.. but i miss him. I feel like he’s definitely not a good choice for me since he can so easily walk away from my daughter and I but even with date offers from other people theres no one else that even compares to him in my mind. I can’t understand why i am so caught up with him..i have never been this way before. Any suggestions would help! Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 20, 2016 at 8:26 am
Hi Marie,
maybe because it’s still recent and there’s no one to compare to yet. I know you get a lot of offer but have you actually gotten to get to know any of them?
Dima
April 18, 2016 at 5:27 pm
Hi there,
Thanks for the great advice on here! I sent a message but kept getting an error message so I am trying one more time. I did no contact with my ex that I was with for just under 2 months. Things were amazing but I believe that he got bored. I waited 31 days and contacted him, he immediately responded with smiles and laughs but said “it’s too bad that thoughts are more permanent than relationships”. I didn’t know how to respond to that so I sent him a goodbye text wishing him a great day, he wished me a great day as well. I have been making positive changes, which I am sure that he is seeing on social media, however 3 days after not hearing a single word from him, I decided to message him again, a funny text. I know that he has read my message because he is super attached to his phone, but its been a day and he has not responded. I know that he is a good guy and I would like a second chance with him, please help! Thanks
Dima
April 18, 2016 at 6:38 pm
Thanks so much! I will do that
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Hi Dima,
wait for a week this time because you’ve already sent after 3 days.. and then stay active in social media
Jean
April 18, 2016 at 11:09 am
hi,
my ex broke up with me 4 months ago. I tried nc rules 2 months after we broke up and I broke the nc rules after a week. Last week we saw each other and I felt everything that I’ve done during the breakup like physical changes, being more mature, being a positive person seemed useless to getting my ex back. Because he still seemed so cold. That’s why I decided to start the nc rules again to preparing myself for the fact that I will never be getting your ex back. But 2 days after the second nc, he contacted me and said he still has feeling for me. Should I break the nc? and tell him how I feel?
thanks
Jean
April 18, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Too late. I replied already, and he did tell me exactly what you’ve told me. 🙁 he told me that he still loves me but he’s sure that if we were getting back together, we will end up in the same situation. He still thinks that I’m not mature enough and haven’t had a target for my career. And I replied that we never know what will happen if we were getting back together. I also told him that I was thankful for having him as a part of my life and has changed me into a better person. Did I do it wrong? What should I do now? Start nc rules all over again? Everything seems hopeless
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 7:20 pm
that means he doesn’t see your change.. either you have to do nc and really try to move on without fully moving on from him.. or just move on
Jean
April 18, 2016 at 4:54 pm
Too late. I replied already, and he did tell me exactly what you’ve told me. 🙁 he told me that he still loves me but he’s sure that if we were getting back together, we will end up in the same situation. He still thinks that I’m not mature enough and haven’t had a target for my career. And I replied that we never know what will happen if we were getting back together. I also told him that I was thankful for having him as a part of my life and has changed me into a better person. Did I do it wrong? What should I do now? Start nc rules all over again? Everything seems hopeless
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 7:20 pm
that means he doesn’t see your change.. either you have to do nc and really try to move on without fully moving on from him.. or just move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Hi Jean,
it’s a positive text but don’t reply.. sometimes they just say that and then they still don’t want to get back together
Cara
April 17, 2016 at 3:26 am
Hi
What do you do if it appears the NC rule is being used back on you like a tit for tat? Basically I heard from him by text and could tell he was working his way up to asking me out again, he texted me shortly after I posted a pic on FB (so he knew i was active) and then I did NC for 3 weeks. I broke it when I noticed he put himself back on a dating site. I texted him, he was receptive and happy. He asked me out and we coordinated a date . In between that date was Valentines day and I got a Happy Valentine’s text from him. So then we had the date a week after V day, and he seemed to be deliberately paying less attention to me. All our prior dates he was 110% attentive and gentlemanly. I am 1000% certain his behavior was deliberate, but confusing considering he asked for the date and sent me a V day text. A week after that date, I had texted asking a questions he’s an expert on and he was positive and receptive. A few days after that text, i texted again asking if we could meet up again (I had a specific reason) , and he was positive and said yes but when I asked for a specific day he just never replied to me. I noticed that when I get on FB , he immediately takes himself off. And that when I post something he goes active, on/off immediately , so I’m certain he has me on some type of notification. It’s been a month now since I last texted and got no reply. So…he’s using NC on me right? I used NC on him and he’s using it on me. Oh and I have reliable sources that tell me there’s nobody else he’s seeing. What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 8:58 am
Hi Cara,
if he’s using nc..and it’s been a month now, that means he should a first contact text
Shelly
April 16, 2016 at 4:49 pm
Hi there,
Think my last reply didn’t go through. I broke NC after day 12. Became a gnat when he told me he started talking to someone new. My last email said that I think it’s best if we don’t contact each other for a long period of time. It’s day 5 and I haven’t hear from him. Did I totally mess up NCR? Is it now not effective? Feeling like it’s just time to move on and let go.
Appreciate you help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:10 am
If you feel it’s time to move on.. that it is.. because all of this just depends on whether you want to try or not.