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Jj
November 15, 2013 at 11:34 pm
Sooo… I’m 22 days into my NC (damn time goes quickly!)
When I first started the process, all I could think about was my ex boyfriend and the fact that I missed him and wanted him back. Fast forward 22 days and that feeling has not completely gone, but it is definitely more manageable and I am becoming more composed and less attached to old feelings of hurt/betrayal.
I am currently at university studying for my second degree and I have been so busy dedicating myself to full-time study and part-time work, that I have been focused on other things. So, I have decided to go for 60 days NC. I have made so much progress and do not necessarily want to fall back into old habits if I am not completely at the ‘I’m ok with however this goes stage.’
My plan is to text him and ask him how is doing around Christmas and to just wish him all the best for the festive season. Still deciding whether to do a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year message or to do one of each around the relevant period.
I think it all depends on if I really want him back and this I don’t know yet. You site has definitely given me the strength to work through the motions and has definitely covered a lot of the questions and anxieties I had about him.
However it goes, things will work out for the best. But, what I do know now is… Don’t put your boyfriend on a pedestal. Make sure he is working as hard to keep you, as you are to keep him.
Every disappointment is a blessing.
admin
November 16, 2013 at 9:20 pm
60 days NC. Wow. Are you sure you don’t want to do 30 days.
Jen
November 16, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Do you suggest 30 days NC over 60 days? If so, why?
admin
November 17, 2013 at 7:08 pm
30 days and I suggest it b/c 60 days most people can’t do. 30 days is reachable.
Jen
November 18, 2013 at 5:17 pm
I’m now so nervous and I hope he is not mean to me.
Chelsea
November 15, 2013 at 3:06 pm
Ok I ‘ll try to make this as short as possible. About 4 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We had been living together for a few months before this happened. I moved out and I did the 30 days NC. It ended up working..kind of. He would text and call me and I wouldn’t respond. After the 30 days it was his birthday so I told him happy birthday and he was really happy. Later that week he invited me to his birthday celebration and I went. He told me that he’s still in love with me and wants me back and everything else. I couldn’t believe it, I was so happy. We agreed we would take things slow and continued contact for about a week or two. Once I confronted him about a girl I thought (knew) he had been talking to he said he was scared to get back with me. Then didn’t talk to me for a week. I asked him to meet up with me and he basically told me “I deserve better” and things of that sort. It was basically like getting broken up with again. Ever since then we have run into each other a few times and we’ve even hooked up a few times. So my question is, what do I do now? I know he is talking to another girl. It’s been 12 days since I last had contact with him. Do I just start over and try NC again?
admin
November 15, 2013 at 8:20 pm
I think right now you should start over yes.
Nick
November 15, 2013 at 3:03 pm
My GF broke up with me 3 weeks ago. A few days later she text me some stuff I replied but was short and to the point but not rude or anything, she asked for 2 weeks space etc so I never contacted her first. About 2.5 weeks later I needed to get my key off her. We met for coffee (which I initiated) and I asked for some closure etc. We talked about the relationship a bit, we left on good terms, but she left it in my court for next contact. I want her back though, and found this the next day. Is it too late to start the 30 day NC rule after all that? I started the NC rule since then and haven’t been in contact with her since.
Also wondering, my Birthday is in the 30 day NC rule, should I respond or answer call regarding that at all if she makes contact?
Would appreciate your help with this.
admin
November 15, 2013 at 8:18 pm
I think it would be ok bc its so late in the NC.
Nick
November 15, 2013 at 8:23 pm
My Birthday would be about 18 days in NC?
Also, is too late to start no contact after a few texts and meeting up with her once?
admin
November 16, 2013 at 8:31 pm
No I think its ok.
Nick
November 18, 2013 at 4:42 pm
Ok, so on the 6th day of NC my ex text me saying a few things, and at the end says
“Miss you too :)” even though I haven’t contacted her once during NC. Is this a good thing?
admin
November 18, 2013 at 7:10 pm
Yes it is I think.
Nick
November 21, 2013 at 1:00 am
So I should keep to the No Contact for 30 days?
admin
November 21, 2013 at 6:52 pm
Yes but that number is adjustable based on your situation.
Nick
November 21, 2013 at 10:37 pm
Oh ok. So should I contact her regarding what she meant by the ‘Miss you to’?
admin
November 22, 2013 at 7:22 pm
Only after the NC period.
Nick
November 21, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Sorry to bother you with the questions, but I really miss and love her and want her back. Shes a couple yrs younger than me and said she lost feelings and the spark after dating for 6 mths, but shes also never been in a relationship longer than 6 mths before. Also when I asked her what her parents said when she told them she broke up with me they said ‘Why?’ Everyone was shocked about her decision. I’m from Ireland but live in Canada now and we had flights booked to Ireland for Christmas to see my family and friends and now she’s not coming and my whole system is in shock, as I have friends here but no family or home friends if you know what I mean. We’ve been broken up a month now and I’ve been NC for 10 days and she txt me after 6, with the ‘Miss you too :)’ at the end. That part is wrecking my head. Any help is appreciated bro. Thanks
admin
November 22, 2013 at 7:23 pm
I would let it sit and stew. Let it wreck her head for a while.
Nick
November 21, 2013 at 1:05 am
Also should we have told our ex we’re doing No Contact or just gone ahead and done it?
admin
November 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm
Just go ahead and do it.. no warning.
Shawna
November 15, 2013 at 5:07 am
Hi Chris.. At what point do you throw in the towel?? What are the signs to look for to know he’s not coming back.. ever.
admin
November 15, 2013 at 7:11 pm
If he never talks to you again or if he does he is extremely mean to you.
Mick
November 14, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Basically my girlfriend and I were in a 10 month relationship and it was a bit rocky but the love was very much there. At the end, her friends hated me and pushed her to see another guy. She said it isn’t possible to have a relationship if her friends hate me. Is this true? Do I stand a chance through NC?
admin
November 15, 2013 at 5:27 pm
Sorry for the breakup.
Yes you definitely stand a chance through NC.
Alexis
November 14, 2013 at 6:36 am
So it’s been 3 months since my ex boyfriend broke up with me. We go to the same college and it’s small, so I usually see him in between classes. In the beginning, and not going to lie since about last week, I have been hanging out in a couple of places on campus where I know he would pass by or where I would see him, but this week I haven’t done that. I do still pass the building where he has class and sometimes I miss him and other times, I see him.
We both made the effort in the beginning of saying hi and waving because I’m not the kind of person to just ignore people. I still make that effort to say hi even if he doesn’t. Should I stop doing that…?
Today, we passed each other in between classes and I was going to say hi and he was talking to one of his fraternity brothers and we passed right next to each other, but neither of us said anything to each other. Later, we were attending the same event and I was sitting down and he walked towards me and he didn’t look at me and we didn’t say anything to each other.
Should I keep that up? Because if I should, I haven’t been doing NC for the past 3 months. I have been good and I haven’t texted, called, emailed, anything since September. I have looked at his Facebook pretty much most times a day, but I haven’t posted anything or said anything.
So, do I keep saying hello or, from now on, completely ignore him for me to even have a chance for him to contact me…? I’m still really hoping he will contact me, but I just don’t know how long this will take. I hate feeling like I’m invisible or a stranger to him, but I understand if it seems, from my perspective, that he truly doesn’t want to talk to me right now (which I do believe).
Again, it’s been 3 months since we broke up so i just want to know if I should keep it up and when he will contact me?
Sorry if that was repetitive….
Please let me know!
admin
November 14, 2013 at 7:36 pm
Just ignore him.
Alexis
November 15, 2013 at 8:31 am
And I’m assuming if I do so then he will probably start to notice and potentially contact me?
admin
November 15, 2013 at 7:39 pm
Yes mam.
Alexis
November 15, 2013 at 11:59 pm
Thanks for the help!
gg
November 13, 2013 at 11:10 pm
Hello ,
So my ex recently broke up with me last thursday due to he wasn’t ready to be in a long term relationship, I saw him that weekend to have closure but he cried telling me so I was confused to why. I have been on the no contact rule since then. We went out for a year and we had a great relationship never fought and he told me he still likes me so I was confused because I didn’t want to break up. I really wish he could contact me and try to get back. he is really stubborn when it comes to texting/contact though so im worried he might not contact me and move on with his life.
admin
November 14, 2013 at 6:54 pm
Have you read my guide on the male mind during NC?
Molly
November 13, 2013 at 10:23 am
How do I do NC? My ex and I still live together so we see each other almost everyday. We treat each other like roommates now, but I’m aching to get him back. I really think we’re meant to be together. It seems as though he’s already moved on though, and I think he’s seeing someone else. Moving out isn’t an option for either of us at the moment.
admin
November 13, 2013 at 8:17 pm
Hmm it looks like you will have to do LC.
cristinar
November 12, 2013 at 10:10 am
Ciao Chris, today is the day… and am still wondering if am doing the right thing.
In the end, he “booked” me also for tomorrow at lunch (??) but I get the feeling that that was just to fish if I could meet, since I told him I was in training (to avoid been fit like a plaster in crumbs of time).
However, am going expecting the worse; so my heart won’t go home too bashed tonight. Wanna laugh? My horoscope says TODAY it’s my lucky day and rarely days like this happen in a life time….
As they say… to add injury to the insult 🙁
Wish me good luck.
admin
November 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Lets hope your horoscope is right 😉
cristinar
November 14, 2013 at 11:15 am
… comments are not visible…. at usual…. mah 🙁
admin
November 14, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Wait what?
cristinar
November 14, 2013 at 8:51 pm
They vanish… then re-appear only when you post your reply. Mah!
Anyway… it’s early days for us and we have a lot of work to do and lots to sort; hopefully we’ll do it together this time.
So… say a little prayer for me!
Lots of love and positive energy for all those in despair. THERE is hope, changing approach to situations… so NC all the way!
Thanks from deep of my heart, you virtual bro!
I would have break down far worse than I did without your advice and support. You are amazing and so is the job you do helping people.
admin
November 15, 2013 at 5:37 pm
This site… it does weird things sometimes.
Glad I could help you. Keep me updated I really want things to work out for you.
cristinar
November 17, 2013 at 2:09 pm
I will Chris… am so scared!
But if I don’t try I won’t be able to tell myself I really did all I could.
I love this man, and what woman in love wouldn’t try her best to overcome issues and move on together in life?
He’s scared of talking to her; but I told him that for 12 years she owned him… thanks to his fear of talking the truth.
By keeping quiet she made him feel guilty for not loving her and got him not only to stay around, but to do all she wanted.
Time for him to think of himself and be honest, unless he wishes to destroy what he thinks he’s protecting right now.
Let’s see!
You gave me courage and I hope to be able to use it to walk the talk each time will be required, establishing a stronger bond between me and him, based on trust and openness.
Pray, pray, pray for me. Whatever God or thing you believe could help! 🙂
THANKS CHRIS, from deep of my heart.
admin
November 17, 2013 at 9:03 pm
I will pray for you! Good luck!
cristinar
November 13, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Guess it was!!!! :O
I went…. was very cold even though polite and smiley. I didn’t initiate the discussion about what happened, why we got there: he did (!)… which it shocked me.
Initially looked like it was going to end badly. Then he said a couple of things that made me lose it (!) and I let go two sound slaps… in full face and in front of everyone around us (!!!! we were in a bar!).
I told him ALL. Including that for as much as I love him I didn’t want a selfish man near me. That if he cared and loved that woman than he should have had the decency of telling her the truth about where she stands with him. This because he said (first time ever) that he IS IN LOVE with me. I told him he had courage enough to lie about his real feelings for her, but not enough to be decent and honest and if he couldn’t after 12 years of friendship with her, well then that relationship meant nothing to him, so what was the point of going on pretending all is fine? I added that those years with her were worthy at least the truth and the chance to salvage whatever was recoverable between them and that he had to do it firstly for himself, but also because he is in love with me. He said he doesn’t know how he allowed the story with her to get where it is now. That she has been a friend to him, and nothing more, ever. That he cannot conceive his life without me in it and got scared because he’s never loved someone as much as he loves me, excluding his two daughters. Said he fears starting a life with me, probably coz of that ( I guessed).
And finally…. (tadaaaaaaaaa) that only him could sort the mistake.
So, to make a long nite short…. I told him I know it won’t happen over nite and I want to support him as long as he’ll be decent. Or he’ll seriously lose me, but forever this time. That I was tired of tiptoeing around his feelings so not to anguish him, whilst he walked all over mines and he had to grow up and face the fact that life IS THIS TOO. People fall in and out of love daily; he didn’t even fall out of love with her… it was never there in first place, so he had to stop that madness coz another 10 years with her just to leave her would have destroy everything they ever shared. He said am right and as mentioned above that only him can sort the mess, to which I have agreed, without adding anything further (! enough said I guess)
God… the things that happened! at one time I was literally banging my head on the metal frame of the window near me… in desperation I swear…..
I just hope from now on we will be more open to each other and will begin to build our future. Won’t happen in a day, but if he was honest last nite I know that I will enjoy the journey.
Plus today I KNOW that he truly loves me.
Wish me good luck… I need it! Thank you so much for your support, will pass here to update you all.
I really hope my dreams will come true and I will have a future with the love of my life!
admin
November 14, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Good luck. Def keep us all updated here.
cristinar
November 13, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Oh, an extra thing! He said he realised he was in love when he sent that first text at day 27 of NC from my side. I didn’t reply and suddenly he felt as he had lost me… wasn’t hoping I’d answer… and when the reply came at day 34 of NC… he was elated.
So… HATS OFF to NC guys. If love is there, definitely NC helps.
Well, it did in my case!
Good luck to all of you distraught and desperate in this moment. Be bold, say it as it is, ASK for what you want… ONLY AFTER NC.
And don’t bang your head on windows frames! It hurts!
Ellen
November 12, 2013 at 4:46 am
So, i cheated on my fiance. I have never cheated on anyone before and never thought I could do such a thing but I did. He ended our engagement. He started texting me that its over and how hurt he is and can’t trust me any more so wants to give me back my stuff that at his place. I didn’t know about this website. I had not been responding to him just because I got so sick after I told him and was so upset and dysfunctional. So I was doing the no contact without even knowing I was. He kept texting me. I finally answered and just said I was sorry and felt horrible and still loved him and hope one day he can forgive me. We didn’t get into it too much. I had to stop again as I am just not feeling good. Then I found your site in the middle of last night. I was actually laughing because he never texts me after we fight and this was way worse and he was texting me alot. So, I don’t understand why I shouldn’t apologize. I already did so its kind of too late. So I started the 30 day no contact today. Again, he is texting me like crazy and wants me to answer and all the stuff I usually have done with him. I have never experienced any man doing this before because I am always the one doing the multiple texting and desperation tactics. He stopped when he saw I wasn’t going to respond. This is not something he will be used to with me. I did actually feel empowered. But, I was disloyal. Should I be feeling empowered? Why do I feel so good? The thing is he has been to me too. He said he would love me always and we work through anything. He didn’t. It’s okay I get that he had to do that. It must really hurt. I have been hurting too though. He calls off our engagement often when we have a conflict and it hurts like hell. So, my mom, who thinks you are amazing by the way, hopes he will see how he has something special and won’t treat me in this manner. She agrees with your plan wholeheartedly. It was how it was in the old days she says. Men did become a better man because of this. I still don’t know but I will do the plan. So do I ever apologize to him later when and if we get back together? Do I bring up his disloyalty later down the road after he is back?
admin
November 12, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Apologize to him later after the NC rule.
Lala
November 11, 2013 at 4:47 pm
Hi Chris
Here is a tricky one, so my ex boyfriend and I were living together for more than a year when I broke up with him because he told me he does not want to get married, ever! I want to get married, so saw it best that we part, thing is, I am almost 5 months pregnant with his child, he assures me that he will always take care of me and his child, which I think he has been able to do, at least 90% of the time, he comes to Dr visits and pays for anything I need, even though we have broken he still gave me his car to use. I still love him, no doubt but I want him to grow up and commit to me so that we can be a family,often I am confused whether he just cares about me or love me? Anyway this is my 3rd day of the NC rule and today he called me at work asking me “how my weekend was” I kept my answers sweet and short, after that he came to the parking lot where we both park our cars and gave me some of my staff that I had left at his place?! Am I waiting my time? I am worried he has moved on and just being polite
admin
November 11, 2013 at 7:19 pm
He may be being polite but put some trust in the emotional bond you felt with him.
Kristen
November 11, 2013 at 2:18 pm
Hi Chris! Kristen here again. I did send you an email, but I think it might just be easier to post my question here–and that way others who may be in the same situation can get feedback as well. I had already finished my NC period. I was back in contact with my ex. I seemed to be getting all the right signs–HE was reaching out to ME, he was telling me he missed me and missed US, he was reminiscing about our relationship. I finally got the nerve to ask him to hang out (grab coffee/a drink or something)…and he said “no”! I’m so confused. I thought I was getting a good vibe and he had actually said he missed me and was initiating contact with ME. What are your thoughts on this, and where do I go from here?!! Thanks!
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:53 pm
Its easier to post the question here for sure.
I think the vibe you are getting form him is good 🙂
Kristen
November 11, 2013 at 7:10 pm
I thougt to, too!! But when I asked about getting together, he said “no”. Not only that, but once I asked, his demeanor became completely short and cold. And later that night, he got really angry/emotional through his texts and later apologized to me (he RARELY blows up on me). Chris, he basically told me he doesn’t want to see me, despite all his text initiations and previously saying he missed me. So, what do I do??? Let it go? Go back to NC?
admin
November 12, 2013 at 6:31 pm
Go back into NC 🙁 sorry he obviously has some issues to not like you.
Jenn
November 11, 2013 at 10:20 am
Hey there, Chris! I’m going to try to make this short. Initially, things in my relationship moved WAAYY too fast and it did not last long at all. I went on NC for about 2 weeks and he called practically every other day sometimes twice a day! After two weeks, I text him and he called me the next day and we talked for almost 2 hours about stuff, including us and he called me the next day too. I would not say that I’m STRICTLY in the friend zone but we’re friends that are working towards something more, he says it “might lead to something more” and “sometimes friends end up dating since they’re so close to each other.” He found out I was out by his neighborhood and wasn’t too happy that I didn’t contact him nor came to see him. I have been telling him about the fun I have when I go out and he tells me how he doesn’t go anywhere. He knows that I know that all he does is go to work and go home. So I told him that we are going to start hanging out. I’m stoked about this! I’m just really nervous now.
1. It is hard for me to play hard to get right now because he is trying to engage in conversation with me often. I feel like if I ignore him, he will think that I’m playing games. **I’M AFRAID THAT MY NONCHALANT ACTIONS MAY HINDER OR CEASE OUR OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW CLOSE TO EACH OTHER WHICH CAN ULTIMATELY LEAD TO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP**
2. I’m also nervous about hanging out with him being that the physical attraction is mutual. I know he will probably try to hold me and kiss me just by the attraction alone but even though I wouldn’t mind it, I want him to be my man; I don’t want to be hooking up with him when I know that we are still not at least at the “talking” stage.
Can you help me please especially with the last two. Thank you 🙂
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:39 pm
1. You really need to learn that playing hard to get may be your only ticket back in hahahaha.
2. Hanging out with him is a good thing. I don’t see the problem.
Grace
November 11, 2013 at 9:57 am
Hi Chris, i would like to know if the NC rule still works because when my boyfriend broke up with me i’ve been telling him that i wont give up on him and he just said that he is tired because we always fight. What should i do?
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:36 pm
It definitely works but I can’t guarantee it will work for every situation.
Grace
November 19, 2013 at 2:56 am
i’m now on a week of the nc rule and he contact me saying he wants to see me, i think he wants to return all my stuff.will i reply?
admin
November 19, 2013 at 6:43 pm
Sure reply you can break NC to return your stuff.
Jo
November 11, 2013 at 1:47 am
Hi Chris..I have stumbled across your site quite a few times and am in need of advice. My ex and I were together for 7.5 years.. He went to law school and ended up working at a firm that made him very unhappy and I had just gotten hired to begin my career a two weeks before he broke up with me. He decided he wanted to change careers and wanted to quit his job. 5days prior we continued to talk about getting engaged however he told me he found the girl but that he wasn’t established in his career yet and wasn’t financially ready to get engaged or married. He broke up with me and said he doesn’t see the picture of us together anymore and how we had more bad times than good. I love him..and I just feel blindsided. Over the summer I saw him a few times in group setting since we are both best friends with the same people who are currently engaged …when I began my career I stopped texting him and he texted me asking to meet up to catch up. There were times when I’d catch him staring at me and he admitted he missed me and was still in love with me but that he feels he made the right decision bc we both needed to make changes and that there are days that he second guesses his decision. He hugged me Goodbye and held my hand and we left things off that since he was going away for a month to take care of his parents house he would think about everything.. A bunch of our friends went out a few days before he left which resulted in everyone leaving early and he became distant.. Before i left he hugged me and said we have to stop doing this to eachother..I tap kissed him and pulled away and he kissed me back. And I said ok so we are over we are done right? Which I felt was e perfect ‘out for him.. But he said we are leaving things the way we left them before I need to think about things.. What does this mean? Am I being strung along? Is there any hope
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:17 pm
I think when he sees you he legitimately has strong feelings for you but when he is alone he begins to second guess things. I mean almost 8 years is a long time to be with someone. You just don’t forget that.
Jo
November 11, 2013 at 7:51 pm
What do you suggest I do?
admin
November 12, 2013 at 6:33 pm
About?
Jo
November 13, 2013 at 12:49 am
Do I wait to see if he contacts me when he returns? Do I carry out the nc? It seems like after 8yrs a person shouldn’t be confused about whether or not he wants to be with someone, regardless if they aren’t where they wish their life was career wise etc. I just don’t know if I should continue to try to fix things or just let it be.
admin
November 13, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Yes I think right now its best to do NC.
jacquelin
November 11, 2013 at 12:35 am
Hello. I’ve been following your site for a while now. It’s so informative and I’d like to purchase your book when I can.
Anyway, my ex and I maintained contact on and off after a very bad fallout (he and his ex gf got back together and started living together). I would try no contact for sometime but then he’d contact me via text or email asking me if I was ok. I would reply but after sometime I realized it was just causing me to hang on. I would remain fixated on his relstionship with his ex. I would check both their Facebooks.
Finally I had enough and decided to delete my Facebook and email accounts. I also blocked his number on my phone. After 3 months of this NC, he contacted me on my online dating profile 2 days before my birthday.
He:
Glad to see you’re okay! ^_^ At which ___ do you work? I love ____. Holy shit.
I waited 3 days before deciding to reply:
Me:
____, but I work somewhere else now. ^.^ Profile needs updating.
He:
Oh cool. You’ve been modeling? Do you have your place now?
During this NC my life improved greatly. I got a new job and got my own apartment. I had all but given up any ideas of us getting back together since I believed he was getting back together with his ex permanently.
What’s my next step? I haven’t replied to his last message. I don’t want to seem eager to talk to him because I haven’t forgotten how badly things ended and how he treated me. I don’t think it would be such a bad thing if we were to start seeing each other again but I want him to yearn for me first, the way I yearned for him. It’s been nearly 10 months now since we last saw each other and it took me a very long time for me to heal.
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:08 pm
Keep the ball rolling your goal is to engage him in a meaningful conversation but you have to do it in baby steps.
jacquelin
November 12, 2013 at 3:05 am
He’s asking me a lot of questions. Just how much information should I divulge? Should I brag about my recent successes? Or just play it cool?
Also is there any significance to him finding me on a dating site? I’m curious to know if he broke up with his gf. How do I go about finding out in a noninvasive way?
admin
November 12, 2013 at 7:09 pm
Brag all you want. Show him how great life is for you.
Maggie Fellar
November 10, 2013 at 11:28 pm
Hi Chris,
I met a guy two months, ago, we’ve only been out once, but have talked on the phone many times, emailed and text a gazillion times. He’s divorced, and has two kids, which makes dating even more stressful, since he doesn’t want more chaos for his kids, etc. I did the psycho needy thing, wanting the relationship to become more committed way before it’s time. I broke it off because he was still online dating, then I came back and apologized, but then he wanted to end it bc of me getting too serious too fast. Well, I texted him a few days later, saying how thankful I am that God allowed us to get to know each other, and how God used him to bring good things into my life. Then that was it. I said I’d love to talk to him if he ever wanted to call.
Then, I joined Match.com a few days later, and he made up a couple of fictious profiles, and pursed me…things that were mentioned on his profile were things only he and I experienced….he mentioned how he’s never felt this way, and we began emailed under his disquise, still mentioning things only he and I know about, even saying how I came to his mind when he was spending time with God reading His word….this went on for days, and it’s calmed down some, but I’ve become obsessive looking for him, and I wanted to ask you if I should close my dating online account for a few months or so?
I think he’s soo scared, but wants me to hold on to hope, etc. But I have to think about my sanity.
Should I do the 30 day rule thing, plus closing my online dating site profile?
admin
November 11, 2013 at 5:58 pm
Only if you want.
Personally I would keep it open and do the NC rule on him.
Pixie
November 10, 2013 at 2:42 am
Hey so after 5 weeks of no contacted I texted my ex congrats on a work project I knew he was working on and was ending and said I hope you are well
He gchatted me
I’m tired, but doing well. Glad you reached out. Hope you are too – and I do apologize for the misstep the last time we tried to get together. My fault. Would love to catch up sometime for real.
(I thought he blew me off the last time we tried to get together. So an hour went by and he wrote me again:
anyway, let’s do that soon, i’m outta here
going to sleep my face off tonight and it’s going to be awesome
I still didn’t respond got caught up with work and went to dinner he then texted me
Hey thanks for this text. I gchatted you but you weren’t around I think so glad this project is over.
So I wrote. Hey I saw it but I got caught up and went to dinner yeah let’s get together soon.
He just wrote back
Sounds good!
Now my question is is this really positive or I think he says this stuff to don’t feel like an asshole and make himself feel better
What should my next move be ? I just think I’m going to be blown off again and if he wanted to really see me wouldn’t he set plans
admin
November 10, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Sounds very neutral to me. However, you are getting responses which is a positive thing. Your next move should probably be to try to hook him into a conversation.
Pixie
November 10, 2013 at 10:58 pm
Hey so what makes it neutral and not good (just curious)
Yeah I’m debating whether or not to bother getting in a conversation with him. I mean I just think he would have set plans if he really wanted to see me. And I’m worried starting a convo will make me look desperate
admin
November 11, 2013 at 5:52 pm
Not good would be like if he said something mean to you. Neutral is if he doesn’t say anything over great but at the same time not overly bad too.
pixie
November 12, 2013 at 2:03 am
Yeah but I mean if he said twice let’s get together, would love to catch up etc. Do you think that’s good? I’m worried it’s just BS like how people just say yeah we should hang out and than never do/actually don’t mean it.
In any case I got him in a conversation today . He was responsive. I told a funny story about my weekend. At one point when i said I have to go he said “no worries, catch up soon” ugh i feel more like never
admin
November 12, 2013 at 7:02 pm
It could be. Look at his actions I always say. Keep trying though to see if he stand you up or not.
Payton
November 9, 2013 at 7:36 pm
Your site is amazing. Very informative!
Before I found your site my ex and I tried being friends. It was always LC. We would hang on occasion and text on occasion. After 2 months of that I couldn’t take just friends and asked him what he wanted. He said he really wanted to be friends because he still enjoys being around me. He also admitted there was a time he doubted his decision to break up with me, but he moved past that. He said he still loves me and cares for me, but wants to date other people and experience college. This convo lasted over an hour and ended with me saying I can’t be friends and do not contact me unless you change your mind about us. I could tell he was bothered by this, but was going to stick with his decision on moving on. Its been 27 days of NC.
My questions are:
1. Is it a good sign he kept pushing for friendship?
2. Would no contact still be effective if I told him not to contact me unless he wanted me back?
admin
November 10, 2013 at 1:23 am
1. Good and bad. Good that he wants a connection with you and bad that he wants that connection to be friends. In the end I would call it neutral hhaahaha.
2. YES YES YES!
Payton
November 11, 2013 at 12:55 am
Thanks for the reply 🙂
I know no contact is almost up, but I am scared to make a move. He is so determined not to get back with me. Before I started no contact I asked him if he wanted to do fwb’s (I was never going to do it, but wanted to see if that was his reason for wanting to be friends) and his reply was he would never do fwb’s because he knows it would lead to him wanting me back. There was no cheating in our relationship or any trust issues. Towards the end we just started fighting more. I think that was because we were around each other all day everyday, so we got on each others nerves.
Why is he so against a relationship, but is so comfortable with the thought of friendship? Does that mean he has moved on?
admin
November 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm
The fighting must have really taken a toll on him.
Payton
November 11, 2013 at 7:12 pm
Would 30 days be enough space to let him think things over? He seems so much happier without me than with me.
admin
November 12, 2013 at 6:31 pm
I think it is plenty of time.
Payton
November 13, 2013 at 4:41 am
I am going to send the first text this weekend. I am extremely nervous haha. If he was so okay with the idea of being friends before I went NC do you think he will respond well when he hears from me? Or do you think he is just going to be annoyed?
admin
November 13, 2013 at 7:48 pm
I think he will but its not a guarantee.
Payton
December 1, 2013 at 7:10 pm
Thanks Chris!
Payton
November 29, 2013 at 8:17 am
I fb messaged him again wednesday and still have not gotten a response. I feel like an idiot. Before I started NC we hung out a few times and were still on speaking terms. If I texted him he would respond. Now after NC he isn’t responding at all. I can’t tell if he is angry with me or is happier without me. I can’t help but wonder if him “trying friendship” with me before NC was his way of gently letting me down and took NC as a way of disappearing for good.
What do I do now? I really don’t want to lose him 🙁
Payton
November 30, 2013 at 7:55 pm
Do you think at this point it is a lost cause and I should just give up for good?
admin
December 1, 2013 at 6:13 pm
I have something coming out that will kind of help you determine that. It is almost finished.
Payton
November 30, 2013 at 4:42 am
I followed your texts. I know him unfriending me shouldn’t be a big deal, but is he trying to get me to take a hint to leave him alone? I just feel like him ignoring me and then starting to unfriend me from things is his way of saying leave me alone don’t you think?
admin
November 30, 2013 at 6:55 pm
Maybe at this stage it is.
admin
November 30, 2013 at 4:27 am
Have you tried any of hte text messages I recommend?
Payton
November 29, 2013 at 9:09 am
I noticed he unfriended me on xbox live. He didn’t block me on facebook after I unblocked him though. I was one of his two xbox friends and he rarely got on anyway. Why did he decide to unfriend me on xbox if he doesn’t even go on their, but a few times a month? UGHHHHH
admin
November 30, 2013 at 4:28 am
Its XBOX live… hahaha its not that huge of a deal TBH
Payton
November 21, 2013 at 1:00 am
I waited a little longer than 30 days. I messaged him yesterday afternoon and still have not received a response. It is weird because he really wanted us to be friends and continue talking before I broke off contact with him.
1. Do you think he went from the stubborn guy to the angry guy after I refused his friendship offer?
2. Do you think he is just trying to punish me by not replying or is moved on totally from the situation?
Payton
November 25, 2013 at 12:18 pm
I still haven’t heard back from him since the text I sent last week. In a few days I am going to try again. Should I just straight up tell him I am open to talking again, I just needed space to move on from the break up?
I know he would get annoyed if I did the confession text and he would be angry as well if I texted him something reminded me of him. I feel like I screwed myself over by telling him not contact me since it makes opening moves harder given his stubbornness.
admin
November 25, 2013 at 8:32 pm
Go for it definitely try again.
admin
November 21, 2013 at 6:52 pm
1. I think he is just upset he didn’t get his way.
2. I think so.
Daniela
November 8, 2013 at 9:10 pm
Hi Chris:D
Look, here’s the thing: I broke up with my ex two weeks ago. Ok, we talk on the phone and we agreed, of course I told him I was sad about it and that I was going to miss him. He eventually erased me from facebook and stuff but after two days he contacted me again and asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened; I said no ’cause I wasn’t ready. Then, I send him a birthday message, very simple, and he called me back, drunk, asking me to go to his party. I said no ’cause I was hanging out with my friends and he said “But we’re gonna talk about it later, yeah”-Yeah. He added me back to his FB and asked me how I was doing and stuff and I told him I was great (it’s true) and then he asked me about what he said to me on the phone (he said he didn’t remember a thing) When I told him that he wnated me to go to see him, he said “No, I’m sure I didn’t asked you for that, maybe I’ve asked to come and hang out with the boys, I’m a man of word, when I finish something, is finished”- YEAH SURE-. It’s been 6 days since we talked the last time and I don’t know what to do about it (I’M APLLYING THE NC RULE)’cause I really want him back :/ but I don’t know what his ittentions are. I really need some advice, I’m really confused about this.
Thank you so much for the info BTW 🙂 REALLY USEFUL-.
admin
November 10, 2013 at 12:05 am
Well, since you are applying the NC rule the question becomes can you stick with it. Trust me it won’t be easy.