Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Do Avoidants Open Up Emotionally?
How Secure People React To Avoidants
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
Post categories
GratefulForHelp
December 10, 2013 at 4:22 pm
Hi Chris, thanks so much for your website. Just a quick question – I started the NC rule right after I found your website (two weeks after he broke up with me) and am doing well one week in. However, I was wondering whether I should break NC (and then of course do it again for 30 days) to add my ex back on facebook? I deleted him the day after he broke up with me. The reason I ask is because I am doing the things you say – going out lots, got a new haircut and new clothes etc – but we don’t have any mutual friends or any events we both go to so he won’t know that I’m out having fun/moving on. Would adding him so he can see all the pics of me having fun be a good idea or will it make me look weak?
Thanks so much.
AnonymousofcOuse
December 11, 2013 at 1:02 pm
Hi Gratefulforhelp,
The best thing to do in your situation is to activate your follow button on FB and post few PUBLIC happy pictures of your beautiful self or just put a TIMELINE pic with your beautiful happy new self! Good luck! It really works!!!
AnonymousofcOurse 😉
Ada
December 9, 2013 at 1:28 am
Hi Chris!
As you already know your advice is golden, thank you.
I just broke up w my bf of a year. We broke up before over the summer, because I had found out he was hanging out/being “friendly” with his ex again. They broke up a few months before we started dating, they lived together with roomates. But while broken up and living together he was already dating someone else before me. They were on bad terms. We took it extremely slow and after my discovery of their sudden friendship, I ended it, and did the NC for about 3 weeks. (I didn’t know about your site back then). He begged back for me. promised me hed never talk to her again & showed me evidence of telling her to never contact him again. Just recently I found out that he contacted her again & they met for coffee. He has not been working for a few months, & I have helped him out with $ sometimes, but nothing major. He said he felt like I was too good for him & hes less of a man, when he is better financially/more stable he might want to try again to make things work. He also recognizes he failed at keeping his promise of not contacting her, and said he is just a caring person, and never cuts out people form his life. Basically, I emasculated him by helping him when HE asked me to, and he ran to that girl for attention to elevate his ego, because she has always been needy and he likes that. I am in NC right now, and I think he may contact me eventually. I treated him like gold compared to his ex, and exes, he always said that. He says he just had some kind of guilt when it came to her because he cheated on her. So he said part of him feels responsible for offering her friendship. Do you think this type of self loathing person will have the courage to try and work things out again? Or are the insecurity issues too deep, therfore he will always feel inferior & seek attention elsewhere?
Million thanks!
admin
December 9, 2013 at 7:20 pm
I think it will be challenging and I hesitate to say that the chances are completely gone but it will be tough.
Molly
December 9, 2013 at 10:26 pm
Same thing happen to my parents. My dad never stopped, mom finally ended it… But hey I guess it just takes people willing to make the change, just be careful… (sorry read this and just had to say something)
Molly
December 8, 2013 at 6:48 pm
I didn’t love him, but there was something there more than just a regular relationship. I don’t know what to do, I have been trying for 2 months now and can’t get over him, but the no contact rule is difficult because we have band together. The no contact rule has actually worked for me before but I didn’t know I was using it. But I can’t go more than a week with out talking to my ex it’s harder than I thought it would be. Everyone told me not to talk to him for a while, but I feel I have lost everything else as it is, and not talking is backwards of what I want to do, I want him back, but I just want to get over him more… What do I do?
I just want to get over him before I decide anything else. I want to move on…
admin
December 9, 2013 at 6:52 pm
Maybe you can do limited contact.
Molly
December 9, 2013 at 9:53 pm
What he did to me for some reason devastated me, so it is effecting any other relationship I even think about having… Got any tips to help?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:48 pm
Right now just focus on thinking about yourself and healing yourself. You ahve to be ok with you to get him back.
Molly
December 12, 2013 at 6:01 am
So I totally broke today 5 days in… It was our christmas concert for band, he sat right next to me I was doing good until after the concert and he pulled me aside and asked me to help him carry out his instruments (5 different cases and 2 different folders) I have been friends with him so I figured don’t be rude now, so I help him out… I’m so screwed in this situation! I want us to be friends cause I’m so attached to him, but I want to be able to get completely over the missing the dating side of him, which funny enough has become easier all of a sudden. But it’s still hard and I know I will always break for stuff like that. I just don’t know how do care for him without getting tied up in missing him again. What do I do? I don’t want him back, I just wanna get over him so it doesn’t ruin our friendship and being in band
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:18 pm
Have you read my post about getting over an ex?
ChelsC
December 7, 2013 at 6:26 pm
Hey Chris!
First and foremost, thank you so much for taking the time to write Exboyfriend Recovery, you have helped thousands of girls understand the male psych and become stronger individuals because of this website. I’ll make this quick…
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Last year he broke up with me before Christmas because he needed to focus on himself and do better on his job. We got back together and things were going good, but then he got on a performance improvement plan at work 3 months ago.. he’s always broke and I pay for mostly everything. He just broke up with me again because I lied about having a beer with a guy friend, and I didn’t feel it was necessary to tell him. He told me it was the last straw that broke the camel’s back and he can’t trust me. However, we hung out all last weekend and he was affectionate, told me he loved on Saturday, broke up with me Sunday. I am beyond confused. I’m going through NC and have not responded to his texts. Just last night, he send me a message “hey I left money by the pot by your door, let me know if you got it. Hope your week went well” I have not responded…and of course I saw the money (he owes me like $200), but I don’t feel the need to tell him that I got it…obviously I saw the envelope with my name on it…lol
Any advice? The fact that he’s trying to pay me back, does this mean hes trying to break off all ties?
admin
December 8, 2013 at 6:31 pm
I don’t think he is trying to break all ties.
You are entitled to that money and he is doing the classy thing and trying to pay you back.
Bailey
December 7, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Hey Chris. My ex and I have been broken up for almost a month. We actually can’t decide on who broke up with who. Well we of course fought a lot and stopped talking. He sent me a sweet message a few days later but asked me not to respond. I responded a few days later but asked him to pick up his things that were at my apartment (I was told he was already talking to someone else). He got so upset and mad and we had a huge fight that went on for about 3 days. Well he calmed down, things were able to end again on a semi good note. He said he would come get his stuff but he never did. Should I still do the no contact rule even if it was my fault? And why won’t he get his stuff.?
Melody
December 11, 2013 at 1:03 pm
Hello Chris!
I was dating this cute guy for a month until I decided to break up. I did not get as much attention as in the beginning so I just got mad and broke up. Now I think I overreacted and should have talked to him about it first. Until now I have also done the NC rule (for 2 weeks), but I wonder if I should really wait for a month. I mean, he is not really my ex-bf or something, so when’s the best time to get in touch with him again? I’m scared that if I wait for too long he will start dating other girls. thank you so much!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:48 am
I think since you dated so little you can go ahead and send him a first contact text message.
Bailey
December 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm
He also said the fight pushed him farther away from me. But also said he hopes we get back together one day.
keisha
December 6, 2013 at 9:08 am
my ex bf of 2years and 8months cheated on me a year ago,came back early this year,we got back and we dated again for 10months before breaking up now.though we got back we wernt rosy because of our constant quarell over the past. before our final breakup,I had doubted him a lot most especially when his ex gf(the one he cheated on me with) came into the pixture after 10months of them(my bf and his ex)not seeing or contacting each other.in our rage during the break he said I was hard to please and that I’m unappreciative and that I make him feel not good enough.I appreciate him very much but I acted in all the wrong ways because I felt he didn’t love me again and he gave out some vibes in his attitude to make me think that way.I complained a few times but not much changes were made,I became needy,clingy,putting up drama to get attention,feeling insecure and paranoid,he said all I was feeling were in my head and that I should stop ove analysing stuffs and reading meanig out of nothing.my actions were to secure what we had but I ended up smothering him and pushing him away the more.. I remember suspecting him a lot and I equally accused him of wanting his ex back after he had bumped into her,he denied wanting her back saying he only texted her to checkup on her nothing more and that he had no feelings towards her,but I doubted he didn’t have feelings towards her. Anyways, after he broke up with me,within a week I had already begged and cried for two consecutive times of which he still stood his ground,my pleading I guess got him more pissed and he asked me to stay away form him for a long while;that he was hurt and needed to heal.he equally said during our arguments that he lost emotions for me and that was why things weren’t all that rosy.don’t know how true that is bks he had said also that though he still loved me very much and would hurt seeing me with another guy but he didn’t want us to date and wasn’t even in the mood for any relationship,he equally said that I subjected him to a lot of trauma,that he tried for 10months to make me trust him but I couldn’t.after all that we had a closure and ended things on a good note. I still wanted him back so I initiated the NC rule and did it well,though it was interrupted lastweek’s friday when he called asking for a help with something of which I helped him in,but all I did was on a casual tone.and after that day’s call I haven’t called or contacted him and he hasn’t called or made any form of contact as well. Now,its 3days left for me to complete the NC rule and I’m dead scared of calling him because a male frd of mine had called me on the 2nd of dec,telling me that he got talking with him about how my relationship with him(my bf) was going,my ex bf said it was bad that we had broken up.he equally opened up to my frd told him all that went wrong but when my friend asked him how bad it was he said that he doesn’t think there was a possibility of us getting back,most especially because he’s scared of being subjected to such treatments..my frd equally asked him to calm down and think it through but he said he has honestly lost intrest.I feel all that was just to hide his emotions and I also feel somewhere in my heart that I have lost my first love forever. he wasn’t a saint though because he did hurt me in some aspects,though his actions triggered my reactions,I was majorly wrong for not letting the past go and for always bringing it up in the past. Now I’ve healed and I’m planning to call him but I’m scared of him rejecting me again.I still love him and getting any rejection from him will only but depress me more.the time apart gave me the space to meet other great and nice guys and girls but I still want him in my life.the time apart equally helped me to examine what went wrong and to re-evaluate the relationship.I’ve equally worked on myself in ways I went wrong and I’ve never been better,I really want to make him know I’ve changed and would want to work things out,but I don’t know how to go about that. Now with where things are,what should I do?should I still call him or should I just move on since he’s lost intrest.if I’m to call or speak with him,which is the better option? meeting up face to face with him or talking over the phone? We live in different states so I don’t know if he would even want to see me.I’m confused and don’t know what to do. I love him and would want him back and still fear that he might still have some emotions for his ex and would likely get back with her if he hasn’t done so already. I just want him back and I want things to get better. Do you think I have a chance here?What do you suggest I do?if possible I would love and appreciate a detailed step to make this work.thanks
admin
December 6, 2013 at 8:02 pm
Sure you do! But you are goign to have to approach things as smart as possible to increase your chances.
keisha
December 6, 2013 at 10:30 pm
I know I need to tread with caution.So dear what are the possible smart ways you think will work?remeber I asked for a well detailed approach to this.would extremely apprecaite if you can do/give that.thanks
admin
December 7, 2013 at 7:41 pm
I can’t give you a detailed approach though. I have so much to do…
keisha
December 10, 2013 at 12:20 pm
I know and I’m sorry to have asked for that much.but atleast what can I do at the moment to get him all intrested again and probably chase me.thank you
kathy
December 5, 2013 at 11:49 pm
is it possible to simply make your ex angry with no-contact by not responding to their texts? My bf broke up with me a month ago, but he still wants to “be friends” but I’m getting all sorts of mixed signals. when we are alone, he acts like we are together, but in public, he doesnt acknowledge me at all. when i leave him alone, he will text me; and if i respond, our conversations are usually short lived. He had deactivated his fb a while back, and today i clearly ignored his messages and back on fb he went followed by changing his status to single. Seems like we are both attempting to make the other feel like we are fine and dandy. how should i proceed? will no contact work? or anger him?
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:45 pm
I think its worth a try but you get the ultimate decision as for what to do.
cristinar
December 4, 2013 at 6:04 pm
Hello Chris!
Here for updates on my situation…. We are talking a lot, spending quality time together and he is more relaxed about being open on how he feels.
Which is great, since he cannot do this with her (remember? He’s in a long term relationship with 2 kids).
He also mentioned that Xmas will be the final time – for them; if before they were having sex every now on, since 4 months they didn’t and so he believes that the festive time would be what will lead them to walk the talk (about time!).
He’s very stressed about it and I tend to not start any chat about this; when he gets there, I am open and tell him how I see it.
I might be hopeful, but I think he’ll really walk the talk with her.
Yesterday he was grumpy and bad-tempered, yet he met me and was sweet and attentive and once I got home he opened up about feeling the woes and losing perspective at times as they seem to multiply and magnify.
I feel proud of our achievements, I told him so too. From no talking to being open this way was a big step and I felt to let him know that if we are this way together today it’s mainly due to his effort to open up and win over his fears.
Told him he’s got same right as everyone else to happiness and go for what makes him happy in life, there shouldn’t be guilt for this since all of us need to love and be loved in a way that we can understand and satisfy us.
He’s changed a lot and I hope he’ll change more for the better about our relationship and taking the right next step (talking to her so to close that relationship).
Will come over to update you on how we doing at a later stage.
Meanwhile… thanks virtual bro, for you help and support!
Take care
Cristina
XXXX
admin
December 5, 2013 at 1:25 am
Definitely do keep me updated virtual girl 😉
rosalin
December 4, 2013 at 12:09 pm
I wonder about my bf, we not breakup yet but the way of our relationship seem to breakup soon. i don’t know why how come he stop text me ,call me no more endearment or anyting , more argument and cold to me
i know actions speak louder but i don’t know what should i do, my friends said he might loose interest because of tradition or his previous relationship makes him feel like i might be like his ex.
its very complicated now.
but when i stop talk it seems he text me again so if i use nc and he line to me what am gonna do and its soon my BD im sure he might contact me
if i stop for 30 days and he bless me for my bd is it rude if i dont say thank you?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 1:14 am
Well the point of NC is to ignore him no matter what…
PB
December 3, 2013 at 11:06 pm
Hi Chris,
Today is an unusually warm day… I just came inside from washing my car by hand including steel wooling the wheel covers in order to remove brake dust. Since implementing NC Rule 27 days ago I have cleaned and reorganized the basement, cleaned and organized the house, cut my hair, implemented a 6-day gym schedule (5 days of sweat dripping cardio plus 1 day of yoga), lost 5 lbs and 1.5″ around the waist, and gained muscle. Tonight I am going to apply for a couple retail jobs to help fill nights and weekends. I have two college age children, so I am counting the days until they return home for the holidays 1 week from now. Having them home with help fill the void left by my ex.
I am waiting to purchase PRO until I determine if I am want to stick my neck out there and try to get together with my ex boyfriend. Our relationship follows the three criteria for being worth getting back with him. My thing is that I think my ex needs time and space… And it is better for him to be in the driver’s seat and contact me when/if he’s ready… Though I do really like the truth in the quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding: That the man is the head, the woman is the neck and can turn the head any direction she wants. I just don’t think I have the knack to keep a man chasing me.
After a 2 year happy relationship, 11/6 marks the breakup and the beginning of 30 days of NC. Thinking I’m going to go for 15 or 30 more in order to lessen my confusion, beef up my healing and highlight my absence in my ex’s mind. Why do you typically suggest 30 days vs longer?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 12:55 am
Hahah sadly I have seen that movie and sadly I even remembered that line..
30 days I suggest b/c its achievable for most people. Anything longer and most people will fail I have found.
Karina
December 3, 2013 at 5:06 pm
Hi Chris,
I don’t want to bore you with the details, and I’ve posted on here before, but essentially my boyfriend and I are breaking up because of some of his own issues he needs to deal with. Initially we were going to wait until January to break up but I think going through the holidays knowing he doesn’t want to be here is going to be worse than starting NC. I plan on breaking it off early, but after his niece’s birthday so around the middle of this month. The only problem is, it’s right before the holidays, we have a really friendly and loving relationship right now, and I’m afraid if I ignore him on Christmas and New Years he’s going to think I hate him completely, cut his losses and move on. I hate this break up so much, but he’s so sure that if we get into the conversation about maybe changing his mind, it turns into begging. Am I doing the right thing by letting this happen? Also if he contacts me to wish me Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, do I ignore him still? What about if his family contacts me (I’m friends with his sister in law)? Thanks so much for your quick responses! Love the site.
admin
December 3, 2013 at 8:13 pm
Usually if his family contacts you, you can pick up and talk to them. Just not him though.
Karina
December 3, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Do I tell him I’m taking some space for myself? Or should I just break it off and not talk to him?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 12:43 am
I vote option 2 but do what you feel is best.
Tanna
December 3, 2013 at 2:27 pm
hey i am tanna , i had a relation ship, lst 3 month we were togather, first i proposed my bf then, he told he had a ex gf that girl left him, nd he is not prepaired to go for any relationship, but after some days he agreed,nd we became bf , gf. we had lots of sweet memories, we were one of the happiest couple , i can feel that he luved me soo much , suddenly he decide that , he can’t continue this relation, so we need to break up, i cried a lot to him for not to break up. but finally we broke up, but still i need him back….plz tell something what to do…nd now he is an another place.
M
December 3, 2013 at 1:24 am
So I cannot do “no contact” because of work and classes. I bought the e-book and want to follow the steps but I’m confused how to implement the program if I can’t do NC. If I implement the text messages while I see him at work daily can they still work?
Thanks!!
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:45 pm
Looks like you will have to do limited contact.
Tina
December 1, 2013 at 11:53 pm
How is this no contact rule supposed to work if my ex boyfriend is a family friend of mine, and we always go to family parties together.
admin
December 2, 2013 at 6:54 pm
It can still work it will just be harder I guess haha.
Amy
December 1, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Hi Chris
I just want to know if you think the NC rule of 30 days should still apply, if the relationship ended on amicable terms?
We had an amazing 9 months where we both fell in love, only for him to withdraw and want to end the relationship to ‘work on himself’ since he doesn’t think he’s in the right place for one, Ie. He got scared (although I didn’t give him reason to). We broke up 2 weeks ago and since met up once, have had a phone conversation and exchanged a couple of emails. I’m hurt and upset but done well at not acting inappropriately and he claims to still admire and respect me. I wanted to have NC for a couple of weeks, then suggest going for a Christmas drink where I can hopefully ignite his feelings. Is this to early? I’m just worried a month will drive us further apart.
admin
December 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm
I think it still applies.
Sara
December 1, 2013 at 7:20 am
My ex and I tried to be friends after we broke up for about 2 weeks when I decided that I couldn’t even begin to try to move on while being friends with him. I told him its not the best time for us to remain friends and that I need to focus on myself. So he knows I won’t be contacting him and why. Is the no contact rule still effective even if you told him you are not going to contact him?
admin
December 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Yes I think it can be.
julie
December 1, 2013 at 3:46 am
My ex boyfriend and i did the no contact. We start talking again things were going along okay, not as great as I hope but improving.. he went home for the holiday and now he stop responding to me.. also if I don’t contact him he has never contacted me.. I feel like am in a hopeless battle.. I also saw that he was on match.com.. should I just give up.. or do I start the whole no contact thing over and pray for the best.. i need to know when yo walk away.
admin
December 1, 2013 at 6:43 pm
My next guide is going to be covering this exact topic… when its time to walk away..
julie
December 1, 2013 at 4:28 am
Maybe I should give you a little more information.. I don’t know the real reason we broke up the first time.. he started to pull away.. I have a daughter also who is 13. He and her did not always get along.she started to come around..she even stated that it was okay for us to date.. and it would be cool if we got married 2 days later he broke up with me..
Cheryl Angel
December 2, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Most men want to be with you for you. You have this great personality but you also have a child. Men are often selfish and they want what they want. A teenager stops them from having total control over you, leaving them feeling second. You must remember that a child is your responsibility and do not make a sacrifice for him. He will eventually admire you for that. Stay strong and either find a partner that is ok with it or be happy you have a child’s unconditional love. Eventually things will work out for you.
Katelyn
November 29, 2013 at 9:37 pm
When my boyfriend broke up with me, i told him not to contact me anymore, so he knows that we are on NC. We haven’t talked in a month. Will he never try to contact me again because he knows that we are on NC and because I told him not to?
admin
November 30, 2013 at 4:51 am
If he doesn’t its no big deal b/c I recommend to contact AFTER NC.
katelyn
November 30, 2013 at 9:44 pm
since HE broke up with me, should i wait for him to initiate contact and be the one to talk to me first?
admin
December 1, 2013 at 6:24 pm
Initially that is what you want to have happen BUT sometimes it doesn’t work that way. I am a fan of swallowing your pride and taking control of the situation though.
Maria
November 29, 2013 at 8:37 pm
Is NC effective if you have been broken up for over 6 months? We work together so it isn’t officially no contact, it is limited. But I bought the e-book and want to begin implementing the steps but I am not sure how to modify NC for this situation? Also if I see him during the day at work will the text messages still be effective?
Thanks so much!!
admin
November 30, 2013 at 4:49 am
I think it is effective as long as you have kept in contact during those 6 months..
Maria
November 30, 2013 at 5:31 pm
Okay, thank you!!
I haven’t contacted him at all over the holidays.He said Happy Thanksgiving- I ignored it. But we go back to work together on Monday so it gets tricky then. If I implement the text messages while I see him at work can they still work?
Sorry for all of the questions!
Thanks!!
Anna
November 29, 2013 at 3:48 am
So my bf of a 1 1/2 broke up with me because he can’t forgive me for breaking up with him for some confusion (a stupid guy) more than a year ago, he takes it as cheating, even though it was not. We had a lot of plans for the future and stuff, most of the time I felt fantastic, and thought everything was fine, he did therapy for like 2 months, and said it just doesn’t work for him. But I made a little mistake again and that was all: He told me he was unhappy, and couldn’t forget what I did, and is tired of trying. He also broke up with me 2 times before for the same reason (we had broke up 2 times before for other reasons), but this time seems like he meant it. He says he still loves me, and care about me, but just don’t want to trust me anymore (I did everything I could to show him my love and that I was trustful).
After 3 weeks of almost NC, this week we hanged out at a bar, and everything was just perfect, we talked, we laughed a lot, he told me I looked pretty, and he initiated most of the physical contact, we played, touched and hugged a little more than two friends would (or so I think). And at the end of the night he told me he had a wonderful night. So I invited him to the movies in a week, but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do… perhaps he is just being nice to me, and that’s all…?? He says he loves me and doesn’t know when he will stop doing it. What does that means? I’m confused, a lot.
admin
November 30, 2013 at 4:16 am
Have you read any of the reattraction stuff on this site before?
Anna
November 30, 2013 at 5:29 am
Hi, thanks for answering.
Yes I did read some of the stuff. But he is so rigid and judge me a lot, and for him I’m always the one who fails. He clearly said to me that this cannot be fixed. He wants to move on because he doesn’t want to suffer unnecessarily and live in a hell like he says.
I think I’ll give your method a try.
If he says he “loves me” (he also says: love is not everything in a relationship, and I agree with him at some point, but I also believe that love is the main thing), maybe this situation is not completely hopeless even though he says it is.
admin
November 30, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Yes give the method a try. You have nothing to lose 🙂