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Rachel
April 7, 2014 at 8:56 pm
My ordeal might be a little different because i was in a LESBIAN relationship with a woman for 8 months . But there is not that many advice or takes on that, i assume that it is the same theory however. my EX GF is very stubborn domineering and thinks she knows it all as well. The past MONTH she has been going through some things she says very personal and stressful and we have been arguing as well. We were completely in Love before hand she told me i was the first person she really fell in love with and felt she needed , and she never felt like this. I felt the same way as well. Anyway we had trust issues towards the middle of the relationship because my ex had contacted me on Facebook and i told her me and her do not speak but she had read my FB and said she cant trust me. It was completely harmless but i did not want her to think anything was up well that backfired. Even when that happened we were working on things and getting passed that , shortly after those events we just started arguing back and forth here and there for 2 months off and on. We went on a trip for her Birthday we had an ok time regardless of the rain but by the end of the trip once again we had an argument, it was basically because i felt she was not showing me the same love and affection as before. She told me she loves me and care but does not feel the same connection with me. I feel it has a lot to do with the arguments and her own stress life because how an this happen so FAST. Do you think the No contact rule for a Month would be ideal for this situation? Our break up ended bad because i told her if she feels no connection then we should not be hanging out or anything and i was hurt and mad. It seemed she wanted me to be the one to prove it to her that its still there because she did mention that as well. Also our last conversation i got so angry and started insulting her and accused of her of getting closer with a friend she had relation with years ago that she talks to here and there. It went completely horrible, and i know i hurt her feelings . The things that i said were not true but i was so hurt i could only think of immediate satisfaction to help myself heal. Do you think i should give it time to subside a month or so before contacting her?
admin
April 8, 2014 at 5:33 pm
Absolutely, time is an amazing thing when you let it work.
Though, I understand it is very hard to give up control on the situation to time.
Lucyemma
April 7, 2014 at 6:35 pm
My love for him is overwhelming I dropped my guard for him and twice he has done this to me I don’t know what goes through his head or whether he feels he’s made a mistake he’s still in love with me but he chose not to be with me. I’ve done the NC to him before it did work but something inside me is telling me it won’t work this time. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore I’m exhausted
Shin
April 7, 2014 at 5:41 am
he broke up with me and his reason was because “he does not know who to love me like how he did in the beginning”. But personally i felt that he has taken me for granted when in a relationship because he mentioned that he was afraid of losing me and has confidence that I will always stay by his side no matter what. After some time of convincing him about the break up I decided to do the NC, currently I have been doing this for about 18 days, I was on a holiday with my family he contacted me a lot of times during the NC, but I tried not to reply, but he kept spamming my messages, asking me when will i be back from vacation and I got so fed up I just reply him briefly the about the date that i will be back, that’s it. I just did it so that he wont blow up my phone. on the day when I was on my way back to college from my hometown, he texted me, asking me to come meet him so that he could give me back my stuff which was left in his house. I did not respond to his text, he texted more messages ( about 8-10 messages ) and missed called me from the afternoon until at night. I was so worried my phone would eventually exploded but I was trying my best to be patient and pretend I didnt notice. He threatens me that he would throw my stuff away if i don’t pick up his call and we will no longer be friends thru those messages. he sounded so agitated. but i was determined and still havent reply him. what should i do ? should i continue NC ? would he reply me if i text him after the NC ? would he be so angry that he would give a damn about my text after NC? is NC the right thing to do? i feel so guilty and evil. I’m so confused.
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:15 pm
You can shorten your NC to 21 days. I talk about this in my latest updated HTGYEBG (how to get your ex back guide.)
Shin
April 7, 2014 at 6:03 am
He even unfriended me on Facebook recently.
Lucyemma
April 6, 2014 at 8:19 pm
I just don’t know what to do anymore or what’s for the best all this is too overwhelming and I guess I’m coming to you as are others in a hope to hear something positive to keep me holding on that something good will happen. I think maybe me and him have run it’s course and I’m sure he doesn’t think about me the way I do him. Thanks
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:05 pm
What specifically is overwhelming you?
Bella
April 6, 2014 at 1:56 pm
Oh my… So. How do you deal with a guy thats been with you for four years in a relationship. Gets you pregnant, says hell be there for you no matter what, says he doesnt want to loose you… But the minute he tells his mom about it, he backs out?!….basically my exboyfriends mom is a psycho, has pretty much destroyed our relationship (well, seems more like my ex doesnt have a mind of his own) 2 weeks ago he texted me he was “done” and that same night his mom showed up at my house threatning me because i wouldnt have the abortion… I ignored him for two weeks. Aside from the frantic calls i got from him last tuesday. I told him ill get in touch with him next week so we can meet… How do you deal with someone that has oedipus complex? Or is basically controlled by his mother….
Cate
April 6, 2014 at 1:47 pm
Hi Chris
My relationship came to an end a week ago. My ex bf is in his cave and unable to cope with his divorce (they’ve been separated 3 yrs and he had a previous relationship to ours). Up until last Saturday he was telling me he loved me. Then on Sunday he didn’t want to see me as he had work to do, the divorce to attend to, and was having a hard day. He had been away prior to last weekend on business and it was unusual for him not to want me around when back (he travels a lot). Usually he always wanted me there even if he was working. I got angry via text and said point taken and that I couldn’t do this anymore but only because I was feeling rejected. I went round that evening and he looked so down and explained how much he misses not having his children with him more and the guilt he carries at breaking the family up. I have a wonderful relationship with his girls and we’ve always had so much fun together when they stay (most weekends). He said he couldn’t be in relationship anymore. Not a break but over? I understand he needs space to work through his stuff but why would he completely end this? We were so close and I’ve always been do supportive. Everything with us seemed so good. He treated me like a princess and madee feel very loved. I haven’t handled the break up well and been needy, done all the things I shouldn’t have. I’m starting NC tomorrow as already messed that up by emailing some photos over to him today, not of us but moments I had captured of his girls which he might like. He says he cares for me deeply and immediately after break up said he loves me but can’t cope. He doesn’t respond to anything I send. I get why. Do you think he will come back to me?
Ammy
April 6, 2014 at 1:36 pm
After nc my ex ignored me what shall i do. He put up a quote on facebook saying ‘oh yes iv been hurt in the past but you can either run from it or learn from it’ on friday he put this quote up, i dont understand? Whats going on in his head
Sophie
April 5, 2014 at 11:38 pm
Hi Chris, I really really need some help here!
Me and my ex dated for 18-19 months, we had a great relationship we had loads of fun and felt like we had been together for years and years we were so comfortable with each other. Before we got together we met up and went on dates for 1-2 months but he was a friend of my sister for 7 years, so I briefly knew who he was and he told me he had liked me for over 3-4 years and told all his friends ‘I’m going to be with her one day’ after 14 months I could tell he had changed and he wasn’t as ‘nice’ or as romantic as he was from the start, I was lucky if I received one text a day, I built up the courage and confronted him about it, he told me for a few weeks he was insure of his feelings and didn’t know what he wanted, he told me to give him some space, but within three days he came back to me as said he wanted to be with me and make things work, then things were great better then they ever were and we were happy again, but four moths down the line I could tell something was wrong again, so again I confronted him, he told me he was under a lot of pressure with work, his hours would be going up to 60+ while he trains to become manager and said he thinks our relationship would suffer as he said it would be hard to make it work, even though I’m at uni so we see each other 1-2 times a week which we were both happy about and understood our circumstances, during the week we will skype, and talk on the phone I’d often get a text after saying he enjoyed our Skype or our talk, we were only an hour away from each other. I’m 21 now and he is 22 we got together just before my 20th birthday, we love each other very very much and I have always done everything and anything for him, his family and friends say that I am really good for him and it’s great how he can be himself around me, and that he would be a fool to let me go…he even told me himself I’m the best girlfriend he has ever had and could ever have, he said he doesn’t want anybody else and he hasn’t thrown anything away that I’ve gave to him and he said he won’t..so three weeks ago he breaks up with me which was a massive shock! It was so random and out of nowhere and part of me had no idea how he felt an that he thought about breaking up, I was devastated and still today I can’t stop crying, within two days I was hanging by his house waiting for him when he turned up he drove me back home we spoke for ten minutes he gave me a big hug as told me e needed a few weeks and he just wanted to be on his own, he told me he takes me for granted he knows I am always there for him and always buying him things and do everything to make him happy, he said every time he thinks about what he is doing to me he bursts out into tears, because he cannot give me the attention and love I deserve right now and says I have done nothing wrong I did everything right, but it doesn’t mean I can control his feelings ad I can’t expect him to feel the way I do, which is so strongly about him. So I didn’t talk to him for 5 days untill I gave in and told him I misses him…surprisingly he text me back telling me he misses me too…within a few days he text me asking to meet up as he was moving house and he would like me to go and see it he told me he loved me and missed me like crazy but couldn’t get back with me because he was still unsure of what he wanted, I went to see him, for the first few hours we had such a laugh it was like old times, then we spoke about things and I got really upset, he told me he can’t tell me he will ever get back with me but e also can’t tell me he will never want me again in time, so then we didn’t talk for a few more days untill I text him saying ‘I hope you have settled in nice now 🙂 love you and really missing you’ I never got a reply for a day or two untill I spoke to his mom who really wants us back together, and told her I wasn’t coping she told me it wasn’t fair on me and she was going to see him, I then got a text off him saying he is happy with the way he is atm for me to carry on coping the way I am and it’s best we don’t talk or see each other for a while, so I rang him and we spoke for half an hour the whole half an hour I was crying my eyes out on the phone, he kept telling me he was sorry that he won’t throw anything out and we will talk again soon, he said he’s expecting the odd text off me because he knows what I’m like but he told me that as harsh as he knows yet is he will have to ignore them for my own sake, I’ve spoke to a few people and they have told me just to give him time, he knows I would take him back like a shot, I’ve always done everything to show him how much I care and how much I love him he says he knows how much I love him he knows I care about him loads and he told me he couldn’t stay on the phone because it was hurting him and wasn’t helping either of us. I just feel like t ended over nothing and there is seriously SO much to lose we were amazing together, all of his friends, colleagues and family have said the same thing, the no contact rule is the HARDEST thing for me as all I’ve ever wanted is for him to talk to me more. I just wanted advice if I build up the courage to completely block him out…is there any chance he will want me back?
Sophie
April 7, 2014 at 6:03 pm
If anybody could reply or help me out here I’d appreciate it, every morning and night I go into ‘panic mode’ and I generally don’t know how to cope in the morning or at night this is the hardest thing I have had to do he means the absolute world to me, and because there wasn’t any cheating on either side and he told me I have done nothin wrong j did everything right and treated him so well…it makes me more upset and more confused I don’t think he will ever want me back, I’m generally scared atm I don’t want to lose him forever
admin
April 8, 2014 at 5:28 pm
Ok, deep breath.
Right now, you need to get yourself out of panic mode. I know it may seem impossible but take it one moment at a time. What can you do to get out of panic mode? Lets put you back together first before your relationship.
Sophie
April 8, 2014 at 5:46 pm
I am trying really hard, I’m keeping myself busy and making sure I stay around friends, even when studying we all study and do our work sitting together now which helps me out. I’m trying to move on…without moving on sometimes now I think ‘oh I don’t need him’ but I know that’s just me reacting in a anger way, I know deep down I just want us back together and I know it won’t happen straight away, I’m just scared it will never happen. He knows me talking to him is a massive thing for me and he expects me to send him texts which I will expect him to ignore so I’m finding all the will power I have to prove him wrong and for me not to message him in hope he will want me back when we meet up again in a month or two. I’m not desperate and I know I could find love again with somebody else in the future anybody can…I just don’t want to I know what I want and I want him I feel like I will never give up
Sophie
April 9, 2014 at 12:59 pm
I want him back so so much :(( we did have some bad times and times where he never treated me right, but he means the absolute world to me and I’m so so scared he will never want me again and we will never talk again
Sophie
April 12, 2014 at 3:04 pm
His mom text me last night saying she doesnt think we are totally done with each other yet, he lives and works opposite me I saw him today he didn’t see me I found it SO hard not to go up to him 🙁 a week NC…it’s hard 🙁
Effy
April 5, 2014 at 3:31 pm
My boyfriend and I were having NC period almost 2 months.We had dated for 2 years.Before that he wanted to off the relationship but I advised him to rethink during NC period. Last 2 days, he told me that he wanted to break up as he preferred us to be a good friend. I asked him why, he said that his love towards me is fading away. He cou’t appreciate me no more and told me to find somebody else who can make me happier.He said that he felt lonely and think of me during NC period but he still decided to let go of me as he said our relationship was flat. He admitted that he stalked me on internet and read all my posts.The most shocking is he even checked my my timeline on wechat and line.He never did that before.He said that he proud of what had I achieved during our NC period(read books,start bussiness,got a job,being more positive) as he didn’t see those success while I was with him. Frankly speaking, I learned my lesson during NC and tried to change myself to be more optimist and read more books to understand guy. So,i kinda devastated when he still asked for break up. However he thanked me for everything and a potrait sketch that I sent it to him. He liked it very much and he said he smiled instantly after received that.Then,in the early morning after 2 days we break up,he texted me a picture of him and his family during her sister’s convo with a caption that he forgot to tell me that his sister’s graduation were last week.It was weird and confused.I replied his texts and he started to continue the conversation.Finally,the conversation ended with his smiley reply.In your opinion as a guy,do you think it is still not too late to get my boyfriend back and what about my chance to reignite his feelings toward me?I want to make him jealous but he once told me that he wouldn’t as he trusts me.Really hope and appreciate that you can throw your opinions to my case.Thanks.
admin
April 6, 2014 at 5:13 pm
I think there is a chance. But don’t let that make you think you are a shoe in to get him back. The fact of the matter is that the ultimate decision on whether or not to be in a relationship is up to you and all the you can do is influence that decision.
But you have a shot yes.
Lucyemma
April 5, 2014 at 7:46 am
Quick question I deleted my ex from fb coz I didn’t want to watch him move on he texted me asking why then made an excuse about really wanting to know when the best time was to drop my stuff off. Initially I responded coz I want my stuff back and I managed to get him to tell me he is still in love with me he just has to stick to his decision this time. When I mentioned about coming round to drop my stuff off he ignored my texts after that what the hell does this mean? Confused much?!
admin
April 6, 2014 at 4:56 pm
He is probably angry about the situation in general I bet.
Sara
April 4, 2014 at 1:05 pm
My situation may be a little different. I got in a relationship with a guy purely for sex. I tried to tell him a few times that’s all I wanted, however, whenever I was honest about this he would get upset so I always ended up saying I was just kidding. I never made the relationship official. He constantly asked me to be his girlfriend but I always told him no. Once we have sex, I’m not blown away, so I want to move on. I try to end things with him but he blows up my phone and begs me to stay and guilt trips me for past digressions. I always relented and stayed because bad sex was better than no sex. During all this his ex is calling and texting him and he starts seeing her. I tell him I’m happy for him and urge him to go and be with her but he lies and tells me he’s not involved with her and he only wants me. I do whatever I can to get out of the relationship but it was hard because we work together. So whenever I tried to enact the no contact rule he would come by my desk and not leave until I paid him attention. Finally one day he tells me he just wants to be friends but he wants to continue having sex. I would have been fine with this if he would have been more honest about his relationship with his ex, but he broke one of the stipulations he agreed upon, as long as we were having sex he wouldn’t have sex with anyone else. So I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. And if we weren’t having sex I really didn’t see any reason to remain in contact with him. I tell him not to contact me but of course he doesn’t listen. I block his number. He starts calling me from a different number. I block that number he then calls me from a different number. When I block that number he begins to use *67 and on and on it went. I finally just changed my number so I wouldn’t have to deal with the constant ringing and the annoying text begging me to pick up. Herein lies my problem, ever since I changed my number this guy has been causing havoc for me at work. Whenever I go to speak with a friend that sits near him he pops up and stands behind me until I leave. He has a friend that sits next to my friend and he’ll often make lewd comments about me while I’m speaking with my friend. He also has been going around talking about me to everyone. I feel like he’s trying to get my attention because he’ll speak to people who sit right by me. I just ignore him. Now he’s going to my boss whenever I have the tiniest infraction, such as leaving early or late for lunch. This is what I cannot tolerate. My sister told me he feels rejected and rejected guys act like this and I’m just going to have to ride it out. What I don’t get is if this guy has already moved on (and mind you his ex works with us in the same department and sits near me), why can’t he just leave me alone? I thought for sure since he had his ex I wouldn’t have to go through anything crazy. Mind you, I know this column is about using the nc rule to get a guy back, but I don’t want this guy back. I was never attracted to him and thought this would be a easy and uncomplicated lay. I obviously was wrong.
Jade
April 4, 2014 at 12:42 pm
My ex of 2 years left me 3 weeks ago out of the blue and I have not contacted him since… Instead he has message me pointless messages every other day.. his last message was he asked me was it selfish of him to still feel highly about me.. We broke up because 2 mates in his circle don’t get on with me (they are a girl and boy) mainly the girl and it’s caused a divide in the group..
Anyway I’m my ex’s first ever gf so I know he’s up and down at the moment.. deep down I still love him.. But I needed my space and he wouldn’t leave me alone so I did the bad thing and told him I was asked on a date which I was asked but not going..
I would say he’s the clueless and stubborn guy..
Do you think there’s a chance of us getting back together?
Paige
April 4, 2014 at 5:55 am
Ahh, I’m not even sure I should do NC because the guy I’m trying to “win back” wasn’t even really my boyfriend. He and I had been seeing each other since Valentines day, and it ended over some very hazy terms. The guy I was seeing was 20, and I’m a couple years younger being 18. He’s had no prior relationship experience and apparently I was the first girl he was intimate with, so he says.
Anyways, I ended up pushing him a little bit trying to get him to commit to me or at least be clear with how he feels. And he was very hesitant, so I felt a little scorned and started an argument. His basic reason for breaking things off was because ” he wasn’t in the right place in his life and it wasn’t ‘fair’ to me” because I was doing most of the effort in seeing each other since he was unable to, for reasons he didn’t disclose to me. So he broke things off and I made the mistake of texting him multiple times saying that I wanted to work things out and I was willing to stick around through the hard times because he mattered to me. He ignored my efforts so I ended up showing up to his house after work one night and asking him to have a face to face conversation with him, however he denied it and told me to leave and that I was “freaking him out”. I feel like I’ve ruined the relationship by making myself look like that “psycho attached girl” and that implementing NC would be a waste of time and that there’s no way to salvage that relationship since we weren’t in love or anything. But he’s someone I truly care about and I’m not really sure where to go from here or what exactly to do to fix the damage. ): btw, this blog is gold, it’s so interesting to actually get a perspective on how women affect men.
admin
April 4, 2014 at 5:19 pm
Hahahaha oh women have an affect on men alright.
I think the reason people respond to this blog is because its from a mans perspective and who knows men better than a man?
So, you two hadn’t defined the relationship yet?
Brianna
April 4, 2014 at 2:25 am
Hey Chris, just needed some advice. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 6 months and have been thru a lot. I actually lost my virginity to him and then i got pregnant. As soon as i was pregnant he was supportive and by my side, however we had a miscarriage which was heartbreaking for both of us but we supported each other through it. However, during the time we were together i made a mistake by going on facebook and responding to guys messages and giving out my number and acting like i was single. I did this because it was a rough time and i handled the situation completely wrong. I had stopped flirting with other guys later in the relationship but one day he read all the messages and was completely heartbroken and lost trust for me. We broke up because i was trying to earn his trust back and i just felt like he was numb to it like he just didnt care anymore so i gave him his “promise ring” back and we ended things mutually. However, he texted me two days after the break up and just started talking like friends, this continued for a month until yesterday i told him that i loved him and wanted our relationship but he proceeded to tell me the whole relationship he put me before himself and now he has no job, no car, etc. and we wants to work on himself, also he still cant forgive me for talking to those guys. So he said until hes back on his feet and able to forgive that we could keep talking while he gets himself together. I told him i respected his decision but it kills to be his friend and when he feels like he could ever forgive me that he could contact me. He looked hurt with what i said but i had to do it for me. Now im thinking did i make the right choice? Do you think theres a good possibility of him contacting me? Thank you. And sorry for the long post !
Kimberly
April 3, 2014 at 9:41 pm
Im not sure how to handle my ex boyfriend..when we broke up he still wanted to be friends..but i kept saying sorry and texting him heart filled text..needless to say it was a waste of time…I have dont this a few other time’s in.the last month…we go from talking like really good friends then he starts being really mean..then I stop talking to him wait a few days..then we talk like things are fine…however you can tell he has walls up..and there is some anger there and hurt Im sure. He can’t seem to let go of something that happened a year ago..I have never cheated on him..I am his first g.f his first everything and hes really sensitive..I love him very much! I also notice when we text if I don’t answer a question or I take to long to apply he gets upset..he don’t like being ignored and he won’t admit it…he never wants to talk on the phone..he took me off Facebook….but he will still text..so I finally just stopped talking to him..this is day five now…and he hasn’t contacted me either…we were in a long distance realtionship.. but even with everything I know hes the one…We are both Christian and probably shouldn’t have done things till we were married..so he lost his v card to me. I’ve been married and divorced and in relationships he hasnt been..I have talked to his friend Josh the other night..but I never talked about my ex to him or even mentioned him..at the end of our.convo on Facebook I told him I missed everyone very much..and Josh replied the group misses you too..What should I do..Brandon is the type if you don’t talk he thinks you don’t care..please help! I want him to come after me
admin
April 4, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Well, let me ask you something.
What is it that he can’t let go of?
Kimberly
April 4, 2014 at 8:25 pm
Well when I went up there met his family..it was all good for the first week…his mom and sister seemed jealous all his.attention was on me..and they don’t like sharing or not having his attention..they want all his attention focused on me..i was the first girlfriend..well things got kinda ugly when I was there and I got very hurt how I was treated by his mom and sister..so Wrote a letter..telling him how hurt I was and how I wanted to go home..(i really didn’t want to leave because I loved him)..but I felt like an outsider at the point..so after i handed him the letter..he disappeared outside..couldn’t find him for hours! I was crying he was crying..I kept texting him and he finally came back inside from the woods..he was so upset his eye were blood shot and tears were just pouring down his face…he took the letter as me telling him to pick me or.his family..and I wasnt..and hes still hurt over this letter..i ended up quiting my job and going back home been doing the long distance for a year now..his mom and i talked things out before i left and things were fine…went up there for thanksgiving and things were perfect! No problems nothing..when we did break up he said maybe something in the future just not now..of course i kept pushing it and hr would get upset..so i just dropped it we were talking like normal…and now i just cut him off..his friends have no idea we broke up..and our group of friends misses me..now he has broke up with me before and nobody ever knew..(hes also wanting me to get a job and save money and go see a dr because i have health problems wnothet reason we broke up because i wasnt taking care of the things i needed…now Iam) so not sure what to think
Ann
April 3, 2014 at 4:31 am
My boyfriend proposed to me only 4months ago and two days ago he woke up and said he didn’t feel like same the weeks leading up to it he was slightly distant but was still sendin me lovey dovey texts. I tried the no contact rule and he doesn’t care he doesn’t text nothing. So I text him a casual text saying I was about to watch the show we always watch together haha. Still no reply. Am I passed the no contact rule? I love him sooo much and want him back but am I wasting my time thinkin that that can happen 🙁
Sam
April 3, 2014 at 12:31 am
What would make a “scared guy,” make a move? Or when? My ex and I broke up almost 12 weeks ago, he wanted to maintain the friendship after three years of dating, but I cut him off cold turkey the night he ended things, (I blocked him on fb and ig and told him to forget he knew me out of anger), knowing him id think he was scared of my anger towards him, he could also be stuborn though.
Weve been completely nc, with the slight exception of him liking something that my sorority sisters put up of me on ig about 2 weeks ago
admin
April 4, 2014 at 4:49 pm
The scared guy… sometimes you have to be the one to reach out first for this type of guy.
Sam
April 4, 2014 at 6:40 pm
Ok, and this may sound silly, but should I count that “like,” of my pic posted by my sisters as a bare minimum ir contact?
Sam
April 4, 2014 at 6:41 pm
Of*
Eva
April 2, 2014 at 2:43 pm
Hi Chris,
What’s the likelihood of return or contact if you think your ex is “A Scared Guy”? I’m almost done the NC period and have heard nothing from him.
I get the feeling he may be fearful of returning because I found out he wanted to be with another girl (he was flirting with her), so I did a preemptive strike and I broke up with him once I realized he was ignoring me and wanting her.
Apparently nothing ended up happening between them. He really wanted to stay friends, and he said I was the best girl he’s ever dated but I said no to being friends and cut contact. Do you think he will ever reach out, even after NC?
ellie
April 2, 2014 at 5:11 am
I appreciate you responding. However, I am unclear on being “past”, NC. rule. It was my understanding there is no set time, ex. 30, 60, 90+ days. And why would I reach out to someone who abandoned not just myself, our children? The last time he left was six weeks and he told me he was scared to call. He was very sorry. I hoped this would have got him to come back since he keeps leaving and coming back. Thanks!
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:46 pm
Yes you are right there is no set time. However, he might be scared to call and if you do want him back you may have to make the first move and let him make all the other moves.
ellie
April 2, 2014 at 9:28 pm
Solid and sound advice! Would also liks to let you know the 1st few weeks was devastating and challenging. Now, I am going on 2.5 months, I feel confident. Emotionally, physically, mentally, I have a good sense of who I am and what I want. In the begining, I felt attached to him. I have a clear understanding of what N.C., means and purpose. I am feeling soo good, I still need time to sort out things for MY SELF! Till then, thanks again, for taking time to respond. Keep doing what you do! I hope others on here will also realize, N.C., is about empowering, loving, and taking care of us, it is not about other person!♥
Brandi
April 2, 2014 at 2:08 am
I have the angry guy reaction at this moment, and I have never cheated on him or anything involving another a guy, but we had some serious problems in our relationship. We’ve been together for the past two years, and right after our anniversary he broke up with me. Of course. Well its been about two and a half weeks, and in those weeks I made the mistake of begging and doing everything I shouldn’t have. I haven’t read anything of your articles today. I literally just found them today and they are so helpful. But, as I was saying, over the past two and a half weeks I’ve tried getting back with him, and he’s only gotten more and more pissed. However the first week after he broke up with me, he was pretty sweet. He hugged me, he told me everything would be okay, and wiped my tears, held me. And then we hadn’t talked all that weekend and then when I saw him the next week I was positive thinking things were better, and he became extremely angry saying he was just weak when he was being so sweet to me. And that he didn’t mean it, and he said some very cruel things. I’m a horrible person, apparently, and we were never meant for each other? Yet last Friday, he was slightly nicer again when I said that I was going to just let him come to me when he was ready inciting the no contact. And I hadn’t talked to him all that weekend. When I saw him today, he was terrible. I made a mistake by asking why he had blocked me on facebook because I had noticed he had. And he told me to leave him alone and basically everything involving our relationship, that he didn’t like about it. I asked if he hated me today, because there’s no way you can treat a person that way and not hate them. He said he doesn’t hate me, and he definitely seemed to mean it. He said that I just don’t to talk to you or see you right now. Which is why I’m giving him his space. I just love this kid, I’ve done everything with him. We’ve gone through high school together both being juniors, we’ve only ever been with each other, both being each other’s first. I just really can’t lose him. I’m sure the no contact will really help, but I just would like your opinion on his wishy washy actions. As the saying does go, actions speak louder than words. And I’m really hoping that’s true. He’s does some pretty sweet thing a the past few weeks still too. But he denies having any feelings for me and he says I don’t love you anymore, I wish I did but I can’t. I just feel like this is all talk, and if I don’t talk to him for the thirty days or even longer for more cooling off time for him, I think he might miss me and initiate a conversation. He did promise he would talk to me again, and that we might be able to try again in the future. And I’m willing to wait. If just love your advice though.
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:42 pm
How bad were the serious problems?