The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Jessie Smith

July 19, 2016 at 4:11 am

Help neeeeeeded!!
My ex and I broke up 4 months ago now, and we have not gone longer than a week without speaking, because I cannot seem to stop texting him! We have seen each other a few times since then, but it is not for the best reasons :|. I finally built up the courage to decline a visit from him a few nights ago, and he then sent countless messages and phone calls asking who i was with and that if i dont reply he will never speak to me again… and sure enough I am now blocked. What do i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 20, 2016 at 3:01 pm

Hi Jessie,

let him be..he’s just doing that out of anger because he doesn’t have control now..focus in improving yourself instead.. the more you do that, the more he will realize that be can’t use anger anymore

hana

July 18, 2016 at 11:05 pm

hi, i just finished the no contact rule successfully for thirty days. he did not try to contact me but he has watched my snapstory more times than not this month. i felt like the example texts might not work on my ex boyfriend because he’d be able to tell very easily i was trying to remind him of the good times and might get defensive or hesitant to talk to me. (we had a very good relationship of 1.5 years, long story short he broke up with me because he doesn’t really know what he wants in life right now. he told me there would be no chance of us getting back together at the time but he started crying and got upset when i implied i would be deleting him from social media, asking me “so this is goodbye?” so i have a little hope.)

i decided to take the advice of saying something he would have to respond to. i said “hey!” with an exclamation point to show that i was being friendly, then asked if he still had a glass dish i had left at his house some time before and if he could drop it off sometime today since my mother needs it. (i was planning on him just dropping it off on the porch since i don’t want to rush into setting up a time to meet.) about five minutes later he responded “sorry, but i’m in the *vacation place* right now so i can’t”.

i forgot that a good friend of mine (my ex’s best friend; fortunately all his friends still like/talk to me!) mentioned to me at work that he was going there for a couple days, and i guess i didn’t realize that they were going together. i wanted to keep the conversation short, but i didn’t want him to feel like i was annoyed that he couldn’t. i responded about twenty minutes later with “that’s okay, i’ll tell her. could you let me know sometime when you can?” he responded about 45 minutes later with “wednesday”. it’s been about two hours since he sent that and i haven’t responded. i’m a little nervous about the one word response, but there are lots of amusement parks and attractions where he is so he could just be busy.

how should i continue? i’ve been showing off how busy and active i’ve been this month on social media with friends and going outside, and i’ve given no indication to mutual friends or online about our break up so i don’t want to give off the impression that i have all the time in the world to talk to him. i was thinking of just saying “alright, i’ll let you know if that works. have fun!” so that i’m still friendly but give myself the opportunity to text him later about wednesday, but i also am afraid of leaving myself as the last replier. any help would be greatly appreciated! <3

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 20, 2016 at 1:30 pm

Hi Hana,

I agree with your plan.. just think about the topics you will use for your next texts

Sue

July 17, 2016 at 2:54 pm

My BF of two months broke up with me a few weeks ago & he is going on vacation throughout the last two weeks of the 30 day non-contact rule. Although I am improving myself meanwhile and giving him space, I feel strongly he will be so distracted during NC that he won’t have a chance to properly miss me. Plus, we weren’t together super long so it will add to this (and unsure if 30 day NC is a bit long anyway, considering length of time together and first r/s). We are also both going to a party a week after NC ends.

Should I text him during his vacation, or a day or two before the party when we will inevitably see each other? What is the best way to start first contact in my situation? I think it will be awkward randomly going over and talking to him at the party (or hoping he will approach) without texting him friendly first to break the ice. But when?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2016 at 1:05 pm

Hi Sue,

hmm.. I was actually thinking that the party can be your starter..like catching up after a long time of silence..plus you don’t have to talk to very long and think much of a topic.it will look more natural when you start talking theere and then contnue on texting afterwards..

Anya

July 15, 2016 at 9:46 pm

Would this NC work if you both agreed to be close friends and text everyday but he broke up with me first cause of long distance army. Ive been texting him a lot as a friend. What would one say when you finish the NC? Whats your opinons on what to do? I posted on another article as well but i just found this one sorry for comments! You guys really do help with the feedback:)

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 3:42 pm

well, he is already moving on…and you staying doesn’t cultivate any feelings.. you’ll jusymt end up being friendzoned because he sees how much you want him and that you’re doing all of this for that..just to keep him..

he’s already set that there’s less chance of your relationship working long distance, especially if he sees how you want him… a guy is attracted more to a strong girl.. to a girl that they see they have to work for to keep her.. someone confident and independent

Ella

July 13, 2016 at 9:00 pm

Maybe someone can explain this. I went NC a YEAR ago with my ex after I broke it off. He was sent a few texts trying to be nonchalant, “come get your stuff, pls” all of which were ignored. He then started calling. Ignored him again. He stopped trying. Fast forward 5 months later he sends what I believe to be a perfectly timed “I love you; we’re soulmates” type TEXT on NYE. Ignored. Another text on my birthday two months later. Ignored that too. Silence for three months since. Haven’t broken NC because I dont want him back. Although I love him dearly he’s a mess and I refuse.

I’m just wondering why would he keep texting every few months. A man in love would pick up the phone, yes? He’s gone from text gnat, to frantic caller, to stubborn..or maybe he’s just hoovering. Idk..

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 5:52 pm

Hi Ella,

maybe he wants to feel less rejectdd by just texting.. if he’s a mess, you’re doing the right thing of ignoring him

Taylor

July 12, 2016 at 10:59 pm

I have been doing no contact for about 16 days now but 2 days ago I accidentally facetimed my ex. Even though I ended the call 2 seconds after I accidentally pressed the call button it still notified him. A couple hours later he texted me “I’m at work. Whats up?”. I didn’t reply. Do you think he will think I’m rude because I didn’t reply to him? Also, his response was so short and dry with me. Does that mean he has already lost interest in me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 13, 2016 at 4:41 pm

oh, I answered your first comment…it was an accident but what’s more importaant is if you’re actively improving yourself because if not you should restart count

Helen

July 12, 2016 at 3:04 pm

My ex and I are in our early twenties and out of the blue he said he lost interest and wasn’t ready for any relationship with anyone after 2mnths. He’s a bit of a social climber so maybe it was to do with that? I have implemented NC and plan to post good travel pics with friends on social media. But we have to start a college group assignment very shortly after NC ends and I don’t want things to be awkward. Should I break no contact a little early to smooth things over a couple of days before we have to meet our group for class? Do you think it’s likely he’ll contact me before then? If not, what should I say? Need to know how to up my chances of getting him back! I doubt he’ll talk to me properly in front of our group members. He mentioned we shouldn’t be friendly until many months later during the breakup!! How can I get around this insanity

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Hi Helen,

aside from having fun, you should improve yourself physically too.. don’t break nc.. just be cool and collected.. don’t initiatw a talk ywt in the first day

Vicky

July 11, 2016 at 6:26 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me after 18 months together saying that he couldn’t be with me as he thought he had feelings for an ex again who is was with over 3 years ago and only for 2 months. I think it was more than that and it was more to do with our future as we were in a sort of long distance relationship and finding it hard to find a solution. We broke up on 24th June and the last time we spoke or we messaged was 27th June. I’ve been doing NC since then and so far haven’t broken. He text me 3 times that week and tried to call but I didn’t respond to any of them. He was liking my Facebook posts until last Wednesday and has suddenly stopped. I also know he has been seeing this other girl multiple times. I’ve been desperate to message him but I’m staying strong. Do you think he’s now ignoring me completely because I didn’t respond or because he’s moving on with her?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 1:38 pm

Hi Vicky,

hmm, I think he saw her as gigs and then tried to befriend you.. that’s normal most exes want to friendzoned their ex

Josie

July 7, 2016 at 5:34 pm

Thank you so much for fast reply! I get what your saying that though I haven’t been speaking to him, I’m not doing the work to better myself. I appreciate you taking the time and I will take your advice. I’ll continue on to the 30 days and start living for me again. All the best!
Bella

July 7, 2016 at 1:15 pm

Hello! My ex broke up with me about a month ago.We are both currently traveling in Europe but in different places. I did the no contact rule and completed the 30 days easy,but within that time he sent me a message (through snapchat) ”Looks like you’re having a great time in France.Hope you are doing well” (he’s always watching my stories) I opened it and never replied as part of the rule but now that it is over and should I respond to his message now, which is almost 2 weeks later? or just not talk to him at all and wait for him to contact me again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 5:40 pm

it’s ok to initiate contact.. you can continue on that topic or start a new one.

Josie

July 6, 2016 at 9:19 pm

I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. This many not be brief but I’ll keep it to the point. My ex and I were together for a year and a half. Lived together for 9 months of those. We are both 40. He is 3 years divorced with 2 girls, 7 & 9. We live in a suburb of Cleveland OH. We both grew up around Cleveland. I moved to CA 17 yrs ago and moved back 2 yrs ago. When I did, my sister invited me to come stay with her family while I decided where I wanted to live. Well that turned into a 1 year later and me meeting my boyfriend through them. By now it was time for me to get my own place. I’m sure you can see were this is going. Unfortunately, this was probably too soon for us to move in together. I don’t feel he ever really got the choice of me moving in. I still feel bad about it but I can’t change the past.
Our problems started fairly soon, as I became scared about what my role really was with the girls. We had them every other week. Essentially making me a step mother figure. I didn’t know if I was ready for all of it. I had thought it through quite a bit before we moved in but theory and application are two very different things. I began to analyze everything. Not live in the moment. Though things were still good most of time, I was questioning a lot. The future and such. I wanted too much too fast. This slowly eroded us. It pushed him away even though he truly loved me. We even had a great sex life up until the end. Something just was off with us and it couldn’t be pinpointed. It was hard leaving him and the girls, they had become my family. Even though things didn’t seem right, they did, if that makes sense. I mean men don’t usually break up with women, they are too passive aggressive. Men are easy for god’s sake. He was absolutely miserable. I thought whatever I was going through would work itself out but he was done.
We broke up 3 months ago. 3 weeks after week broke up he began dating the girl he dated before me. They saw each other a few times a month and she wanted nothing to do with his kids or to have any type of real of a life with him. They have a college type relationship. Drinking, going out and sex. After not much contact, he texted me a month ago and we got together. For 3 weeks after that I slept with him, went to dinners and “dated” him. For the first week, I felt horrible. The next 2, I felt manic. The last night we slept together he said he was trying to get together the words to tell her it’s over. He was telling me for weeks of course how miserable he was with her. I know, I should have seen it coming. But what I haven’t told you is he is the first guy I’ve been in love with in 12 years. I’ve dated, yes but I haven’t let myself fall in love. I’ve never had a problem getting dates, I’ve just have been scared of exactly what just happened. Anyway, the day after that last night we were together, I called him to let him know I had sold a house to celebrate (I’m a realtor). I didn’t hear back and for something like that I would have. Which meant he was with her. I know him very well at this point. I got furious. I felt used and lied to. Long story short, I told him I was done. I haven’t spoken to him or texted him since. I did however, recently receive texts from him which is why I am in need of your guidance.
It has been 1 ½ weeks since I’ve spoken to him. I’m preempting this with, it sucks to have to live in the same city because running into my ex is inevitable. The first drunk text came on the 4th of July when I saw him walking to the bar by himself as I was driving to the gym.
Text at 10:45pm: I didn’t know if we were still talking at all, so if I’m out of line please free to tell me to fuck off and I will comply, but I wanted to say hi. I hope you’re doing well. If I don’t hear back from you, I promise to leave you alone.

Second round of texts came after he saw me at the local restaurant 2 days later. Mind you, he turned and walked out like the place was on fire.
4:45pm “I apologize for running into you. It wasn’t unintentional. I just need to be more aware of my surroundings.
8:54pm “I don’t know if this channel is even open, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me some day. I know I don’t deserve it. I know I don’t deserve anything from you and probably never have. But I hope it nonetheless.”

Of course I want him back but I was not willing to disrespect myself any longer. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I respond at all? If so, how do I respond? I have always been the one chasing which is why I don’t have the type of relationship I want. I am trying to see myself for who I really am now. Oddly enough I don’t feel that desperation anymore. Which I’m very grateful for but I still have that hope that maybe….one day…. when we get our stuff together…..
So, if you can shed any light on what to say to him and on how I should proceed, I will be so truly grateful. Thank you for doing what you do and giving it to me straight!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 3:46 pm

Hi Josie,

you should start the count of active no contact.. it looks like you should do 30 days.. yes there are days that you didn’t talk to him but you were not improving and healing then..you need build a new life and more confidence first before talking to him again.. if you bump into each other, jusy be civil with him but don’t initiate a small talk

Katie

July 6, 2016 at 2:52 am

Hi,

My ex and I just broke up a few days ago. We’ve been talking post breakup trying to give each other closure. He broke up with me after seven months saying he wasn’t happy with our relationship and that it didn’t feel right. He figured out his feelings and doesn’t love me, so he can’t see a future for us. Throughout our relationship he had made active plans for our future, he brought me home to meet his family, he was willing to figure out his fellowship opportunities so we could be together. Now he doesn’t want the relationship and I feel like his mind is made up, but for some reason I still have hope he’ll change it. Do you think it’s possible for him to change it or is my hope just false hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 9:40 am

Hi katie

well he won’t change his mind if the situation is not changing too

Not sure if I should try again

July 5, 2016 at 6:23 pm

My ex and I dated for a month when he broke up with me the first time, we got back together after a week and then he broke up with me again after a month, then I did NC for a month and we got back together and dated for 8 months when he broke up with me again. Should I do NC? Or should I just move on? He has been texting randomly to check up on me.

NOT SURE IF I SHOULD TRY AGAIN

July 7, 2016 at 7:48 pm

Ok, I have one more question: We play the same online game and he can see when I log on and off. Should I stop playing the game? Or just not talk to him in game? I do know of a few times that he will not be online and I can play then. I just I am not sure how that works with no contact. Should I just not play the game for the next few weeks? Or keep playing and let him see when I’m online? And if he sees me playing the game will that make him miss me less? Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I’m just not sure what to do in that situation.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 8, 2016 at 5:52 am

you can still play the game, just don’t talk to him
Not sure if I should try again

July 6, 2016 at 5:11 pm

We had fight and he just left and decided to end the relationship. But, we really didn’t fight that much before. Any issues that we had we would talk out as they happened. He told me that he was still angry about something that had happened two days before.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 2:52 pm

ok.. if you want to try active nc, you can still do.. but I think you should 45 days because you’re on and off
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 8:29 am

Hi Not Sure,

why did he broke up with you this time?

Sarah

July 5, 2016 at 10:22 am

My boyfriend and I of two years broke up recently over a stupid drunk argument over text. I am on day 10 of NC and he texted me asking to meet up to get some closure. I have not replied. Is there still hope? I am committed to the whole 30 days, just not sure whether to spend the next few weeks in hope or whether to bag the whole “fake moving on” thing and actually just move on…

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2016 at 10:44 pm

Hi Sarah,

let’s say you’ll meet up after nc.. then decide by then whether you want to try or not.. but look your best and be really calm and light.. be more rational than the person he used to know because that’s a chance to leave a lasting impression that can influence in how he thinks about you

Jennifer

July 5, 2016 at 7:54 am

Cause we have talked I can’t keep doing the Nc now right? I’m traveling for fun and try to get away and I don’t know if telling him is better or just let him see my snaps, he probably think I move on and he is going to get away. I’m confused and I don’t know if a this point NC will work. Please!!! Help

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2016 at 10:28 pm

well the purpose is for you to aim to be the ungettable girl and that means he really has to see you’re moving on and improving to increase the chances of him getting attracted..

Jennifer

July 5, 2016 at 12:55 am

Hi. This website is like finding a treasure in my way, I leave a comment before but idk how to know if is posted. I met a guy and since that day we start dating for 3 months, we love the energy in between us, strong one, feeling we connect deeply and it was like we met since forever even how I connect with his friends. We may me feel we were in the right way and said things that show me he wants to be with me. We seems to be angry most of the time but I start to deal with it and he notice it and told me that he start to like that about me, understand him and give him space when he is mad for work or anything else. And he did his best to not pay all his bad days on me. We fight one night he scream at me and left me in the car alone and left walking, so I drove home alone hopeless and devastated. I called him and text him that night and no more. 5 days later I want to solve the problem but he just talked to me saying that he figure out of him things that make him not want to be in a relation, that he doesn’t want to hurt me. We stop talking and we talked again like 4 days later and he even told me; how can we solved this. Lets see how things goes. I’m so confused right now and after 5 days again he text. He got mad after 3 hours j didn’t answer and I found this website. Idk what to do if the NC is gonna work at this time. He is always watching my snaps and sometimes I post things that makes him miss me or laugh or that I’m having fun but in no. A obvious way. Need help please!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2016 at 5:43 am

hi Jennifer,

you need to stick to finishing nc..he’s used to you replying every time he texts.. just keep doing what you’re doing

Sarah

July 1, 2016 at 11:12 pm

Are you supposed to tell your partner that you want to have zero contact, or should you just ghost him (just stop communicating without any explanation)?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

hi Sarah,

it depends on the situatio

Kym

July 1, 2016 at 10:02 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks so much for all the info. I know it really has already helped me. I have a bit of a difficult situation. I am in the same program at a university with my ex. We dated for nine months, but it was a really stressful time in our lives and we are very different people which resulted in a lot of fighting. We mutually decided to break up because the relationship was adding stress to our lives. However, when we broke up, the only thing that really changed was that we stopped any kind of physical contact. We still spent most days together and often made dinner together. Generally we were still best friends. This lasted for another year, then when I went home for a visit he met someone else and started casually dating this girl. It took me about two weeks to figure out what had happened because he stopped behaving the same way toward me. I tried to be okay with it because after all we were “just friends,” something I realized at that point wasn’t true and we had never been just friends. After about four days of trying to be okay with it, I saw them together and realized I was not okay with it. There was one conversation where I asked him if we could get back together and was very emotional. He said no there was no chance of us ever getting back together. So I decided I needed space, after a few days of ignoring him, he sent the angry text “what’s the matter” and “stop ignoring me.” When I got this text I texted him back and said I am writing you an email to explain things from my point of view. So I wrote him an email explaining that because he has to treat me differently that I realized our friendship was still a relationship and that I needed time and space to heal and please respect that. He responded kindly and said he would respect it. However, the first time I ran into him after that I didn’t even look at him and that night I got a text from him saying “if that is the way things are going to be between us, I do not agree with your need for time and space.” After that I would avoid him at the uni, I even would go into the lab to do my work in the evening so that I didn’t run into him. Every few days he would send me a text, all of which I did not respond to until about two weeks in he sent me a text saying “we need to talk and if you say that you can’t things will never be the same between us again.” After that I texted a close mutual friend asking if she knew what it was about. My supervisor had noticed that I wasn’t around and had asked him why. So I agreed to talk to him. He was talking under the premise that we need to be professional, I said I am still doing my work and he didn’t need to worry about it and then basically reiterated everything I had said in my email as to why I couldn’t be around him. I also mentioned “his girlfriend” several times during the conversation, to which he always viciously replied “she is not my girlfriend.” At the end of the conversation I told him that he better say anything else he wants to say to me now because I was not going to speak to him again until I was ok. After another week, our mutual friend came to tell me that he had broken up with her. The following day he came to where I was working and just hung around the door, looking a bit morose. I continued to ignore him, later that afternoon, he texted me saying “do you really want to continue this whole time and space thing?” to which I replied “yes I think it is for the best” because I had realized our relationship was so unhealthy and I did want him back as a real boyfriend. But I was also really hurt and cautious because we had fought so much during our relationship. Then later on that evening I received a slew of text messages saying stuff like “come on, I don’t want you out of my life and I know you don’t want me out of your life, we are important to each other” and finally “I beg you” when I got that message I replied “you beg me to what” and then he said “to go back to our life like normal, to study together, to cook together, to go out and meet friends together” and I replied “don’t you see, we can’t go back, our relationship wasn’t sustainable, what this whole situation showed me is that we can’t continue like that, its not healthy.” After a few more weeks of talking on and off, things did start to go back to normal, because we work on the same research team, after a few rough talks, things did go back to our normal. We even had a few talks about getting back together, and acknowledging things that needed to change before our relationship would work, but it was always kind of got pushed aside as there was alway some other stress coming up for him. One talk I even questioned him about what he said about never getting back together and why that changed. He even said that he might be willing to move home with me (we are from different countries). Things continued in this state of limbo for a few months until January I noticed he wasn’t making any effort toward me, so I decided to pull away a bit. Then in February we had another talk about our relationship, and although things remained in limbo, it did help settle my fears a bit because I brought up the other girl he had dated and he got a bit mad saying we will never move forward if I keep brining up the past, and that it was a mistake and he doesn’t even remember the sound of her voice. At the end of February we went to Florida for a conference, while we were there, he was amazing he was so thoughtful and considerate and caring. He wanted me to do everything with him and was incredibly touchy. We made out for the first time since we broke up. I told him I loved him but he never said it back, however, when we were actually together, I he told me he loved me but I wasn’t ready to say it at that point. Then when I left Florida, he went back to our Uni and I went home for two months. When I got back, he wasn’t affectionate at all and I said I wanted to talk about what happened in Florida and he said yes we need to but not now. I gave him some space and decided to wait until he was ready to talk about it (however I was staying with him). Then a few days later, I noticed he got a text from the girl he had dated and that was kind of it, we had a huge fight and everything I had been holding in came out. I decided I would find somewhere else to stay, but he said it is 10 at night where are you going to go, so we slept on it. In the morning he woke me up and said he had to go but could we please talk about it in the afternoon when he got back, and he said “we aren’t in a rush to figure this out are we.” So I agreed to stay until then. When he got back, he rested his head on my shoulder and then a little later on my stomach (one of my complaints was he didn’t touch me enough) and he told me that the text from the other girl was just random and she had just texted him out of the blue a few days before and he had just written her back that day. He also said that he politely ended the text conversation, implying that he was not interested in texting with her. But then we were talking and I said that I can’t handle being this half girlfriend where he treats me like a girlfriend half the time and then turns around and gets mad at me for acting like a girlfriend when I am not. He brought up the fact that I act like a girlfriend and also at one point angrily asked me if I was his girlfriend, to which I had to reply no. He said that he doesn’t want to get back together if I am leaving in a few months (after I graduate). We had to go to another conference together a week after that so we decided to go our separate ways after that. We spent the week apart and then went to the conference together. During the week of the conference he treated me like normal, like we do everything together. I even realized that he doesn’t just treat me like a girlfriend, he treats me like a wife e.g. my wallet is his wallet. I also realized that it actually makes me insane, I worry so much when he is talking to other girls, even if I know there would never be anything between them. When we were together I never worried, he has tonnes of female friends, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything. I think I realized that because he didn’t tell me about dating the other girl when we were “just friends” and I had to figure it out, he broke this trust that we had, and I also realized he has done nothing to try and build it back since then. After the conference he dropped me off at a friends house and gave me this huge hug. The next week we were in contact a bit because of money related to conference costs, because of that things started to go back to this ease between us. I even had a conversation with a good friend of his about possibly staying to do a PhD. The friend must have told him because he called me saying we need to talk to our supervisor about you staying. Then the following day, there was a PhD defence that we both had to attend and festivities afterward, that day he was an ass to me and then he smoked, which is a real big problem for me. So I left early from the party, he texted me asking where I had gone about ten minutes after I left (however, he didn’t talk to me the whole evening). I waited 10 mins to text him back, in that time he called, I didn’t answer but texted him that I was home safe and sound and have fun. Then he texted “why did you leave” I didn’t respond. Two hours later he texted “hey, you owe me an answer.” I didn’t respond. He called the next morning. I didn’t answer. I guess I was just so frustrated that I thought I should do the no contact rule again. After that, he didn’t contact me for a week, but then he wrote a few work related texts. I gave one word answers when something was necessary. Then he wrote “I am sorry I was such an ass, I respect that you need some distance.” I didn’t respond. After another week he tried to call, I didn’t answer. Then he texted what he should do with my things. So I did respond. After that I saw him a few times on campus. once he tried to engage in conversation, the second he just tried to get my attention to wave. Then he called me and texted on the weekend that he had my things in his car. I missed the call because I was out, I responded to his texts saying sorry I was out can I get the things tomorrow. The next day I initiated texting him to get my things back. The interactions were short and I left as soon as there was a pause in speaking about my stuff and my mail. That was Monday of this week. Tuesday, I saw him in passing he just said hey and kept walking. Wednesday I briefly saw him in passing he did the same thing. But then an hour or so later, he texted asking if I had been reimbursed for the conference. I just replied “no”. Then yesterday, when he passed me a few times he didn’t even look at me. There was also an event last night at the Uni, he didn’t look at me at all.

Anyway, sorry that is so long…

I guess my question is can the no contact rule work twice on the same guy? I mean last time it totally worked to get him to dump the other girl and sort of come back to me, but I never ascertained the actual relationship status again.

Having read over your blog, as I write this, I feel like he doesn’t have really strong feelings for me or he wouldn’t have treated me in such a wishy washy way. However, during this no contact period, I think he is at the point where he is starting to ignore me because he is mad I won’t respond, which indicates that he does care. Do you have any insight on what might be going on in his mind? I have 7 days left in the No contact period, I know I will make it, I am not worried about that, but I want him back, but I want him to treat me better than he usually does. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 5:34 pm

Hi Kum,

it depends.. if it was not consecutive then there’s a chance that it can still work but it also depends on what you do during no contact.. if you just stop talking and then you didn’t improve. it will probably not work

Nivi

June 29, 2016 at 12:50 pm

Hellows 🙂
My ex through 1 1/2 years broke up with me yesterday, over the phone. We were arguing abut him partying all week, due to him graduating but not contacting me at all, which made me worried and I felt ignored. I was the dominant role in our relationship for sure, and I’ll admit I sometimes got out of hand. However we had plans, we were supposed to go to London tomorrow for a couples trip, we just got an apartment and were supposed to move in together.
Our relationships has had it’s ups and downs: Exes, unwanted pregnancy, some arguing… however we always ended up together again and we really like each other. There is no one like him.
He said he broke up because “I deserved better and he couldn’t give me what I wanted.”
He’s removed all Facebook pictures of us, all my comments and completely erased me from his life. Is there any chance of me getting him back?
Thanks in advance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 4:38 pm

Hi Nivi,

I think so.. but you need a restart for that to happen

Really Confused

June 28, 2016 at 9:40 pm

My ex and I dated for approximately 2.5 years and broke up about 3.5 months ago. Although there was a ton of love (which I hope is still true), there were also issues on both sides that needed to be addressed. The breakup was amicable without much drama. Shortly after the breakup, I learned he had since then began talking to someone he met on online. Although he mentioned it is pretty serious, his behavior often indicated the contrary.

Due to him possibly being in a new relationship, I would rarely initiate contact with him. However, I would respond if he initiated which he did so we would text regularly every day for close to 3 months. However, the waiting for the if and when his texts arrived each day eventually got to be too much for me so I started no contact and I am about 2/3rds through the 30 days.

At first, he contacted me a few times every day for the first week. He then sent me a slightly passive aggressive text that I shouldn’t see this as a favor and then stopped for about a week. It’s only been two days but I started receiving texts daily again.

Although the frequency sounds promising, I am not sure what to make of them since most of the messages have been neutral . . . a bunch of hey’s or asking if I am ok. Since his reaction doesn’t seem to fit directly into any of the 7 reactions, any insight on what he is thinking or the situation? Besides successfully completing the no contact period and the game plan for getting an ex with a new girlfriend back, is there any additional advice or game plan you might have for my specific situation? I really appreciate any insight you can provide.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 3:52 pm

Hi realky confused,

the more important thing is have you been improving yourself to heal and also to make him interested?

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