The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Clueless

December 27, 2018 at 12:36 am

Hi, thank you so much for this in the first place.
I was in a situationship for 4 months. He likes me but not enough to get in a relationship with me. I was the one that would always take the lead on things, invitations, texts, etc…
For him one day or two a week was enough to be together, I wanted more.
He says I deserve better, that I deserve a man that wants to be with me as much I want to be with him.
When we are together, the way he looks at me and treats me I thought so many times he really liked me but didn’t want to admit to himself cause he’s a free bird, loves his freedom and has a super busy life, but he keeps saying he doesn’t.
Two weeks ago he was really rude to me on the phone and I was so angry at him that I blocked him. He tried to reach me the following day cause he wanted to apologize but no luck, after a week we had to see each other, it was our company’s christmas dinner and then he apologized upfront, we got drunk and hooked up.
He’s going away for a month now and I told him that this will do us good and I needed space, no texts, no contact.
So I haven’t spoken to him for 4 days now, he’s still blocked and I miss him so badly.
He turned out to be one of my best friends, same work, same gym, same hanging out colleagues.
If I don’t block him I can’t stop my fingers from sending him texts and I normally am so transparent about how I feel in the moment.

Am I doing the right thing here? I’m so confused.
Sorry for the little outburst and thanking you in advance.

Chris Seiter

December 27, 2018 at 3:49 am

Hey there….so your job is to no longer to be Clueless! We need to change your identity to “Learning and Getting Smarter”!

So you need to start off with a plan. A plan for your own healing and recovery so you realize you can stand on your own if need by without him in your life. But it seems that the two of your are not too far apart. So perhaps a little space will do you both good and will result in him valuing you more. There are things you can do to enhance that. Take a look at picking up my epic 485 page ebook, “EBR Pro” as it will help you throughout this process whichever way it turns

Amira

December 26, 2018 at 7:15 pm

Help! I’m about to break!I’m on day six of no contact with my boyfriend of two months. I broke up with him because I’ve had to constantly talk to him about his effort. He’s going through a lot of financial hardships and is a single father to two kids.i feel like I’m forgotten about. I understood that he was having a hard Time . Recently we had a conversation about his lack of effort i told him it’s okay if he can’t give me material things or take me out, i just want time and attention. He said he would work on it. I Recently i had a miscarriage. I hadn’t told him about me being pregnant. The day i was going to tell him i miscarried. I told him and he felt so bad but didn’t come by to see me because he had the kids and had no baby sitter. So i waited for days that their mother got the kids. Still didn’t come instead he went to his best friends house to drink, the next day he “fell” asleep when he planned to see me. I confronted him the next day his excuse was that he had a lot going on and i shouldn’t assume what he’s thinking about, which led to a huge argument and me breaking up with him. I’m heartbroken because it’s not what i want But it’s like nothing else i said got through to him. Now I’m questioning if i made the right choice and he hasn’t reached out to me which is making me even more sad and wondering what’s going on in his head. But i refuse to break the NC. How long is this going to take for him to realize what he had and reach out? Does he even want to be with me. Please help me

Chris Seiter

December 26, 2018 at 9:59 pm

Hi Amira.. I think you are on the right track with your NC efforts. Just be sure you implement it in accordance with my Program as their are many elements to it and you want to take advantage of all the things you can do to maximize your chances of success.

Sue Cousins

December 23, 2018 at 10:54 am

Hi, my ex of 9 months gave me an ultimatum 2 days ago and said if I didn’t like him receiving and responding to text messages during the early hours we were done. I had no othere option but to taxi home. I received a text message from him the next morning asking if I wanted a lift back into town. I expect to pick up like nothing had happened. I didn’t respond to the text and am now on day 2 of no contact. There is an element of jealousy, control and emotional abuse, not necessarily obvious at this stage. Not sure what the outcome will be. In the past he is in contact most days. Very difficult staying strong.

Chris Seiter

December 23, 2018 at 8:02 pm

Hi Sue!

I agree a lot of factors come into play. Stay true to your NC, and don’t forget that its your healing that matters most. Pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” if you have not already as it will serve as your Companion Guide!

SamSolo

December 16, 2018 at 7:53 am

Hi chris:)
I happened to just stopped by reading your post and its an amazing article. Thank you. I actually had a guy friend of mine whom I met on tinder and told my friend about it. Coincidentally he’s my bestfriend classmate during college and she rest assured me that he’s a good guy. So we been seeing each other for roughly like 6 months. Everything was going well, we date but we’re friends. We held hands, hugged, cuddled and kiss on the cheeks, chemistry was good. But recently he was deployed by company to overseas for work and its gonna be 1yr away. Now he’s acting weird, I tried to reach out to him but there’s no respond. I know that nobody has any obligation to reply furthermore he’s my friend not a boyfriend yet so i shouldn’t be labeling him that, i didn’t take it to heart though he didn’t reply my text but I’m actually feel sad about it. I don’t know what’s he doing now, is he really that busy. So i don’t care about him and applied the NC for like 30days now by doing my own things and focus myself to be happy and hangout with my girls. But sometimes I’m angry that I don’t deserve to be treated like this by him but at times I still misses him. I felt like I moved on but deep down myself I’m like still waiting for him to comeback. Will he come back? I’m actually too tired and drained to date other guys and total strangers too. What should I do?
Rgds
Sam

Chris Seiter

December 16, 2018 at 4:22 pm

I know you have been thru a lot and I am glad you are focusing on yourself. Those angry feelings that come onto you at times are normal, but over time they will diminish. Visit my home page as I have a lot of resources there to guide you through all of this.

Emma

December 14, 2018 at 2:00 am

My ex has a history of moving on from relationships without looking back once he’s made up his mind. He even told me at some point in our relationship that once he moves on from a relationship there’s no turning back. I fear that if I apply no contact, he will simply move on, seeing as how he’s started showing interest in somebody else already. Should I continue texting him even though he does not text back or call?

Chris Seiter

December 15, 2018 at 12:14 am

HI Emma! He seems a bit full of himself. Or maybe its just partially big talk. Usually its not wise to make definitive statements on the topic of coming back to a relationship. I would say that if he has not responded to your texting, then don’t press any further as you are just losing our personal power. Better to employ no contact in the way I teach it. If he can’t eventually find his way back to you…..its his loss.

Grace

December 12, 2018 at 10:55 pm

Hi Cris! Im in a situationship with a guy for more than two years now. We had our ups and downs and this year, we fought quite a lot. Last weekend, he was drunk, I checked his phone and saw his messages with several women. I got mad and call him out on it. He accidentally hit me. The next day, he saw my bruises and cried and begged that I forgive him. I said theres nothing I should forgive him for. He hugged me so tight and said he does not want to lose me. After I left his place, he sent me a lenghty message, again asking for forgiveness and apologising for all the hurt he has caused me. He said he will try to heal his heart ( bad break up from ex gf for 4 years now ) and if one day he can recreate his love life, he would want me to be the girl he wants to be with. I responded to him about us having to think things through. What we really want. He said he respects my need for time and space and will always appreciate the company and love I have for him. My questions are, is it still worth to continue with him? I am in no contact with him for three days now, is two weeks enough, how should I move on if he does not reach out? I care for him and I know he cares about me to..I am thinking that his involvement with other girls are is only a part of his healing process to hide his pain and insecurities. I dont know. Any advise please?

Chris Seiter

December 13, 2018 at 12:30 am

Hi Grace….I think you are on to something. Guys can hid behind their pain and insecurity and misbehave. Usually an NC period ranges from 21 to 45 days, but it is an adaptable principle given all the complex variables associated with a relationship.

Christin

December 9, 2018 at 7:09 am

I just broke NC after 5 days of breaking up.

I was with my bf for almost 7 years. Everything was great so far, we shared almost every moment in our life together, until lately, we both have stressed from work and other issues so he acted coldly to me and I was worried & insecure so I had some talk with him.

It turned out that he tried to avoid me because he felt guilty (He interested in someone else at his workplace whom I think is quite similar to me).
He doesn’t understand himself why he has feeling for another girl and he thinks that our relationship was not going smooth lately, I’m not the one who shares his world anymore.
He’s not confident in our relationship anymore with his guilty & he cannot gives me 100% love like before.

So, he broke up with me and said he needs time and space to reflect himself, asked me to do NC to him, but he doesn’t know how long it will take.
(During this time & space he needs from me, he met another girl everyday at workplace and sometimes played online games / watched online movies together with her friends though …)
He said that if he figures out that he really loves me, his feeling for the girl should have stopped even if he meets her everyday.

I tried to understand his feeling & respect his decision by doing NC for 5 days and I couldn’t make it. I texted him some very long messages about how I really think we could work on this together, but I know I can’t talk this out since he insisted that he only wants to do this way.

I’m sad and confused. Also, I totally have no idea about the outcome of his self-reflection like will he come back to me or he will be going to date another girl … it’s like 50/50 and it makes me feel so desperate.

Now I just hate myself for breaking NC he wanted. I apologized to him and will be going to do NC again from now on.

Do you think I’m doing this right ? like giving him the space and time he needs.
Honestly, the thought that he meets the girl everyday at work & spends the time with her made me lose my hope of getting him back.

What should I do ?

Chris Seiter

December 10, 2018 at 1:00 am

Hi Christin…Its OK..don’t be hard on yourself. Just roll back to NC and focus that time on “you”….your healing

Kat

December 6, 2018 at 7:14 pm

Is it even worth it …implementing NC?? If the guy left you to go back to baby mama! I have known him 5 yrs..every time they get into argument he pops back in my life…I gave him an ultimatum 30 days ago…I did the NC.. I’m moving on…

Chris Seiter

December 6, 2018 at 11:25 pm

Hi Kat….sometimes that is the best choice. There are many good paths for us all to choose from.

DESIRE

December 4, 2018 at 4:20 pm

my guy left me stating the fact that i overreact to issues, get so jealous, and angry alot, though he has constantly asked me to work on myself but little did i know he was giving me many chances to change those trio issues i just stated above via my behavior. okay i finally agreed to change after he blurted out that it was all over between us, i started begging him and he gave me another chance, i travelled down to visit him as earlier agreed and while there, i asked him when he will likely want to settle down, he said in 6 years time, we both laughed it off but he upset me when he said he doesn’t like my behavior let alone my character, i got so offended and forgot that we were at his best friend’s place, i even hit my hand on the floor and told him if he is into another relationship and that is why he is treating me this way it won’t work out for him, he maintained that we remain just friends, i declined that, and i have been begging him for a month now to forgive, forget and take me back but he said he has forgotten me but can’t take me back.. that i should move on but i keep telling him i can’t…. he said he can’t take me back,that he has told me all my bad character before me, am not his type, his feelings are gone, what do i do? as he also constantly told me his love and feelings for me have died. i really do want him back. what do i do in this case? pls advise.

Chris Seiter

December 5, 2018 at 12:24 am

Hi Desire! Have you tried implementing no contact?

Amanda

November 29, 2018 at 2:01 am

Hi Chris,

Here goes… my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a couple of days ago. I went over his house a couple of days ago and everything seemed okay, I asked him a couple of questions and why he has been distant with me the past week and he says that this relationship is too much for him, that he isn’t happy with me or in life, he stated he wants to be alone. We spoke for 4 hours, we both cried and talked and I begged for him to stay with me but he said he couldn’t and that it would be too much and that he has too much going on with the loss of his father and having to find somewhere to live, and then says that me constantly checking in on him and messaging him makes him feel suffocated and he can’t take it anymore and wants to be alone. I was there for him when his father died, everyday. He became distant after the death of his father, which in turn made me worried and clingy. All of my stuff is still at his house and he said I can get it whenever, I don’t know when is a good time to get it. I don’t know what to do, all I know is I want to be with him, I love him so much. I haven’t spoken to him since the breakup and it’s been 5 days. Help 🙁

Chris Seiter

November 29, 2018 at 3:36 am

Hi Amanda….so it looks like you may want to roll into No Contact. Are you up to speed on how my Program works? He is going thru a tough time right now so in some cases it may be appropriate to be adaptable.

Mono

November 25, 2018 at 12:55 pm

Hi

This is so beneficial
Im with someone for 2 years who gave a promise to another girl to marry her after 2 years for 3 month then he will see if he wants to continue with her
He wants to keep me around and he cant give me more but he is acting like a boyfriend and he is getting jealous everytime i meet someone else

I asked him to have a serious relationship and he said he cant give 2 promises in the same time and he doesn’t want me to leave

He never said i love her ir i wanna continue with her he kept saying i gave her a promise

I asked him to think about a solution and he doesnt want to do. I asked him if he doesnt want to give us a chance because of that promise and he said yes.
He panics every time i say i wil leave

I left him. he texted twice in 4 days
Asking if i wanna say hi then the in the next text he said
You know this is funny

I ignored him completely
Now what should i do
And do you think there is any chance with him

Chris Seiter

November 25, 2018 at 7:23 pm

Hi Mono! Usually your chances are enhanced if you have an ex recovery plan. Take a look at some of my Program resources you can find on my Home Page!

Krysten

November 22, 2018 at 7:00 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for 6 months. I felt something was off so I mentioned it to him. That seeemed to open up a can of warms. He told me he doesn’t know if he wants it over. So a few days later I couldn’t live with the torment of not knowing and make him choose. He said that it should over. I think convinced him other wise for a few days and we got back together. Tuesday we were suppose to go out for our 6 months and then the actual break up happened. He took his stuff and I gave him and out- he took it. With hesitation he finally left. I was and am heartbroken. However, I later found chocolates in my car and a card from him saying that he loves me so much and how we’ve been through a lot and we’re only going to get better.

What do I do next? He clearly wasn’t ready for he breakup as much as I thought he was.
Lyn

November 17, 2018 at 7:53 pm

Hi cris,
I’m in relationships for 6 months,we are both happy,but one day one of my girl friend saw my boy friend his in a dating site looking for another girl while his in relationship with me.i asked my x bf why his there in the dating site,only the answer is NO IDEA,after that I do the NO CONTACT RULE,now it’s been 2 months NC still he never messege me,what do your think he will come back or no more? Thanks Fresilyn
Fresilyn

November 17, 2018 at 7:45 pm

Hi cris,
I’m in relationships for 6 months,we are both happy,but one day one of my girl friend saw my boy friend his in a dating site looking for another girl while his in relationship with me.i asked my x bf why his there in the dating site,only the answer is NO IDEA,after that I do the NO CONTACT RULE,now it’s been 2 months NC still he never messege me,what do your think he will come back or no more? Thanks Fresilyn
Brittany greenleaf

November 10, 2018 at 3:39 pm

Hi me and my bf have been together for 13 years and have 3 kids together. He left one night after I had got into one of my moods and yelled at him, which he takes as I’m pushing him away. But I was yelling that I needed him to help me. He has blocked my number from texts and hasnt talked to the kids or me for 6 days. He told me it was over but then said he loved me and wanted me to be happy. He said let him be to do his own thing. He thinks I have been like that so he will leave and I can do whatever while hes gone. That’s not the case. Hes very insecure and low self esteem. I know he loves me. But he gets like this a couple times a year after I do. He totally ignores what the real reason is that I get like I do. I hate feeling like hes against me about something. If he accuses me of something it puts me in a bad mood cause I dont want thought of like that. He loves his kids too but he says hes in hell when this happens so he dont see them either. I’m so hurt, I love him and miss him so much!! I feel like I’m destroyed and alone. It’s so hard to go on without him. Last time he did this it was 7 days he was gone before he called to come home. He didnt call or anything before that, only sent a few mean msgs about how bad I was and that he was getting his stuff. But overall I’d like to know if hes thinking of us at all and if it’s possible to just leave like this and not look back. My head is just spinning with thoughts and fear. I want another chance. My doctor put me on prosaic to help me with my moods so I’m trying to do something about it for us.

Chris Seiter

November 11, 2018 at 3:27 am

Hi Brittany….so 13 years is a good amount of traction and that can come into play later. Best to have a plan and you will find lots of resources, books, videos, and podcasts on my site that can help you in all kinds of ways.

Aryn

November 10, 2018 at 2:06 pm

Hello
My bf broke up with me awhile ago and I’ve been dreading it. He recently went about a drastic change in his life where he claims he’s going to need a ton of hours invested into this new career he’s always wanted to try to have any adequate amount of time for a relationship with me (we were dating for about half a year) so he broke up with me because he said I didn’t deserve that, and he’s just not ready for any kind of romantic relationship if he’s going to succeed in his dream. I understand that, and we both texted our goodbyes and good lucks for each other’s futures (we were also in an LDR, which made things more difficult..) we didn’t necessarily leave on terrible terms, but I don’t want us to be strangers. After reading a ton of articles on your site, I am going to push myself to do the full NC period.. but I have a fear that he will be over me by then.. and not contact me because he’s been so focused on this new passion/career of his. It drives me crazy not really knowing if he’s truly missing me/will miss me since his reason for leaving me is to focus on something new. I also feel that if he DOES miss me, and WANTS to contact me, his pride will get in the way of doing so (I feel he would be a mix between the stubborn guy and scared guy as mentioned in this article) because he is the one that made the decision to break up with me, and therefore, he is pushing himself to keep to that decision as a man. But I also know our relationship meant a lot to him, and he’s naturally an emotional guy, but pushes himself to act otherwise for the sake of following his dream career and working toward his future…
In the likelihood that he won’t contact me after the NC period.. should I still even bother to try to contact him..? I at least wanted to know how he’s doing with life since this change because I still care for him and hope we can rekindle our relationship.
Angela

November 9, 2018 at 11:02 pm

hello!
i’ve been dating a 6 years younger guy for about a half of the year. Everything was good but I had concerns because believed he should treat me like a princess. And even though he tried to make me happy and failed he said he’s not ready for the relationships because he can’t take care of himself properly but I want him to care about both of us. He told me that was the best time in his life and he will always love me, I am the best girlfriend he could ever imagine, but he makes me unhappy and he decided to leave. I said i hate him and i wish never met him. We both cried. He left and texted me the next morning ” I know you don’t want to hear from me right now but I wish you all the best on your exam”. Is there a possibility he can change his mind? He seemed to be very serious and with a firm decision. I want him to know that I was acting foolish and he did everything well, but I’m afraid he already doesn’t love me. What should I do? Can I text him and propose one more chance for our relationships?

Chris Seiter

November 10, 2018 at 1:58 am

Hi Angela!

Have you considered No contact?

Very confused

November 9, 2018 at 1:02 am

Me and my boyfriend broke up officially last week after months of arguing over stupid rubbish. Initially he was overly affectionate and sometimes too much, eventually I feel the roles reversed, during the relationship and the arguments he has said some awful things, we aren’t talking at the moment and I’ve moved out of our home, he says he loves me and didn’t want to end it but we won’t work, which I felt he has been feeling for a few months. He said he is fed up and angry. I’m not sure if things have gone too far now?? Is there a way back, at the moment I feel like too much has happened but then I do believe deep down we would work if we can only get over all the stupid stuff.

Chris Seiter

November 9, 2018 at 3:41 am

Hi there…that is what it often is isn’t it? We get involved in conflict with those we care for often over rubbish. Its never one person’s fault, but both partners share in the blame. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its epic in length and will help you with your plans going forward.

Shie

October 30, 2018 at 3:44 pm

Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago coz of my stupidity and trust issues. Im just asking about something and then he’s saying i dont trust him and keep on saying im blind and didnt appreciate whatever we have specially when wer together. I do appreciate but i dont know exactly but i have this inside of me an instinct of he’s hiding something from me and i have to check his phone for me to know and find out. And now he said he is done and wishin’ a better life for me. Im messaging him many times and calling him late in the evening. Crying out loud. Begging him not to do this..coz i cannot live without him.. but he’s said “im done, thats it for me…” what will i do… i want him back. I love him so much and i cant see myself in the future without him

Chris Seiter

October 31, 2018 at 12:07 am

Hi Shie!

It’s OK to feel insecure about trust if you ex gave you cause to feel this way. Perhaps he has not been supportive enough of your needs. Sometimes guys will say and do stupid things. A break from each in the form of NC may be the best medicine.

EmiliaSmith

October 30, 2018 at 3:42 pm

Hi Chris my boyfriend of two years broke up with 2 weeks ago its was a sad break up we both cried.. he stated he needed time to work out things within himself he suffers from depression and stress I have been doing NC the whole time. I was out with his cousin and she posted a pick on fb he liked her pic alone and but not the one with me then text her how was the night going… he also told her to tell me not to pay a few bills and for me not to pay them. I messed up and said thanks and all he text is welcome. Why is he playing these games? We are still friends on fb and he still has things at my house how should I proceed

Chris Seiter

October 31, 2018 at 12:10 am

Hi Emailia!

It sounds like he does need some help and hopefully he finds the right treatment plan. Best to execute your ex recovery plan and concluding your no contact period doing all those things I talk about in my program. Healing is key. Your personal recovery I am referring to.

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”