1,334 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    GLG

    February 12, 2019 at 4:06 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve got one good NC going on right now. My boyfriend of 1.5 years dumped me because he is a man child….a real peter pan. The only adult thing he ever did was leave me and admit he was not mature enough to be with me. I’m not sure I want him back. However, it’s only a matter of time he will text me. He and his whole family want to string me along with, youre the right girl but he just needs a little time. Dont give up on him! Do you have any advice for dealing with NC on a man child? Does it help them grow up? Or should I just walk on by?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:56 am

      A “Man Child”……a “Peter Pan”….I like that! Unfortunately, far too many guys fit that description. I do think NC has a maturing element to it. Worth the effort, but make NC about “you” and your ongoing growth.

  2. Avatar

    Isabel

    January 23, 2019 at 1:13 am

    Hi Chris,

    I am currently doing no contact, 23 days thru. But my friend has her child’s christening on my 30th day of the no contact, and my ex is going to be there. (Very convenient, Ik) That doesn’t really give me a chance to text after no contact rule because I am going to see him all day. We broke up on good terms and we parted as good friends so there shouldn’t be any conflict. I just don’t know what to do! Do I hold off on the texting till I see him that day or what should I do??

    Isabel

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 24, 2019 at 12:01 am

      Great job Isabel with getting to day 23 and I hope you have been spending a lot of those days thinking about “you” your healing and personal growth as that is the most important part of NC. Yes, I think it would be practical to hold off on texting him until you see how things unfold at the Christening. I hope you are using my 485 page Guide “EBR PRO”

  3. Avatar

    me

    January 18, 2019 at 2:12 am

    Just buy the mans ebook. Thats what this is all about…lol

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 18, 2019 at 3:57 pm

      Hi there….it is about much more. And by the way, feel free to explore the tons of free content, help videos, and podcasts on my site!

  4. Avatar

    Ava

    January 15, 2019 at 5:09 pm

    I caught my ex cheating with a Live Photo he sent me! He didn’t know it was live and I could hear her. I confronted him and told him that it’s over and never contacted him. It’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t heard a word from him ever since I confronted him. Why is that? We are in a long distance relationship and I had a ticket to go see him but I cancelled my trip and didn’t even tell him that! He was begging me to go marry him four days before I caught him and during that 4 days he changed his mind and said he’s not the same guy he used to be and I should only stay with him for 3 days and not more! That’s when I knew something was up. I stopped contacting him right after confronting him. Why he hasn’t even said one word and try to explain? Does it mean he’s in love with this girl. From the sound of the picture I realized this is possibly an ex he went back to when I was not talking to him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 11:07 pm

      Hi Ava! He may be thinking you are still very upset with him so has been shying away. Its way too early to know what is really going on with this other girl. Best to have a plan which starts with your own recovery and then concluding your NC period and following up with him as I discuss in my Program

  5. Avatar

    Anastasia

    December 5, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’m almost finished with no contact on my sorta ex, only 3 days left til it’s 30 days. So far he hasn’t texted me but he has liked 2 of my Facebook statuses on thanksgiving and then unfriended me on Facebook 12 days later after he liked my fb statuses… does this mean the no contact is working? Once 30 days is finished, what do I say to him when I reach out to him?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2018 at 3:06 am

      Hi Anastasia!

      There will be twists and turns. Just keep following my Program as described in my eBook Pro!

  6. Avatar

    Vivian

    December 4, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Hi!
    Me and my ex of 2 years and 2 months broke up a week and a half ago and I have been no contact since. I was bored last night and updated my dating profile (where I met him before). Turns out he was on there 2 and messaged me twice. Just being silly on one message he said “Nice picture that you took in my house lol” I did not respond but I am very confused. We broke up because he wouldnt put enough effort but I just didnt expect for him to be in the dating app so soon, it hurts. I did not reply to his messages on the dating app but I am very confused now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2018 at 12:28 am

      Hi Vivian!

      It is a selfish and immature act on his part…..perhaps he is playing games or playing the jealousy card. He obviously is keeping tabs on you. Have you considered my Program? Employing No Contact?

  7. Avatar

    Andrea

    November 27, 2018 at 3:07 am

    I blocked my ex on Facebook for me to move on. After a month, I tried adding him again. When we broke up he wished that we can still be friends. Why he doesn’t accept my request or doesn’t respond to my text messages?

  8. Avatar

    Rea G

    November 26, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    If he has new girlfriend, I don’t know if it’s rebound but it was to soon after out relationship end. Do we still have hope?

  9. Avatar

    Rea G

    November 26, 2018 at 4:33 am

    My ex and I ended our more than 3years relationship. He moved to other city for work temporarily. Communication is very hard. I broke up with him and started liking our common friend. Nothing happened. We remain good friends. But my ex is furious. He wanted to get back together but I’m not ready. After a few months of talking, my feelings for him came back rushing. He was ok at that time. Then I went there to visit him, I found out that he is courting a young girl. Very young. Then, he was hot and cold. He wants to get back then not then get back then not. I did the no contact rule for 30days. He hasn’t contacted me during NCR. What should I do?

  10. Avatar

    Aditi

    November 24, 2018 at 3:23 am

    A month ago ex bf broke up with me because I was being clingy. On Thanksgiving day he texted : Including today, I always thank God fom bringing you as one of my chapters in life. It’s been a blessing.

    Is he saying I am his past now? I am confused

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 25, 2018 at 1:54 am

      I don’t think so. Sounds like he is having some wistful moments of appreciation. You want him to have more of those!

  11. Avatar

    Gemma

    November 16, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    What should I do about this one …

    After our breakup my ex treated me with lots of anger for several months. He blocked and unblocked me several times. At one point he decided he missed me, started hitting on me, we met up and had a coffee, I made the mistake of bringing up our past issues before we had really reconnected and then he went back to avoiding me and sending angry messages and partially blocked me.

    I finally did 30 days no contact after all this and he didn’t contact me during this time at all.

    I have just finished. My first attempt to talk to him was ignored.
    My second attempt was about the fact that we are supposed to meet in a few days so he can return my stuff. He answered this, gave one word answers about the time and date, said he only wants to meet for five minutes, then went back to ignoring.

    I’m really scared that this cold response and one word answers mean it’s pretty much finished. I liked it better when he was angry because at least he showed emotion.
    I’m meant to see him in 3 days and all I can think about is how scared I am that this will be the last time I ever see him. I wasn’t expecting such aloofness after 30 days of not speaking.

    Is there hope for me? Apart from trying to appear calm and cheerful during the meeting what can I do?

  12. Avatar

    Jenn

    November 9, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    I am on day 1 of NC with my ex. We dated for 5 months and after the breakup we remained friends but I realized that I still love him and want to make it work. Our relationship was tough towards the end due to miscommunication. I was abused in my past relationships and I kept bringing my past with me. He has told me that he still loves me but is afraid the same things will continue and things will go sour again. He still drops little hints to me about wanting me but also said he’s been talking to someone. His roommate told me she thinks it’s just a rebound.
    I was only going to do one week of NC but should I do more?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 2:00 am

      Hi Jenn!

      I usually recommend at least 21 days, though briefer periods might work in some situations. Pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” for a deeper dive!

  13. Avatar

    Maeko

    November 2, 2018 at 4:59 am

    Yesterday was the 37th day of my NC for my ex and yesterday I sent him a text message like a memory text but it’s now 24hrs and I haven’t yet receive any response from him 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 2, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Maeko!

      Give it some time. If no response, try another text in 4-5 days. Not every effort will work on the first or even second or third try. Just know that you are doing the best job you can to get things ignited. You can’t control every outcome.

  14. Avatar

    Savannah Morgan

    October 26, 2018 at 4:53 pm

    Finished a 60 day no contact… a few emails (he designed my website ). But today I reached out verbally to discuss my site because I had questions that needed to be answered verbally. He was really excited to hear from me and just as he was about 2 mins into what has been going on with him lately, i told him i had another call to take and ended the convo. He must understand that devotion and time I had for him is over. It must be earned again. However, it was nice to hear the excitement at the sound of my voice.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 27, 2018 at 2:21 am

      Hi Savannah!

      Good job with the NC. Just keep thinking little steps.

  15. Avatar

    Jordan Mulkey

    October 25, 2018 at 1:01 am

    I’m on the receiving end of the NC.
    Of course, I don’t know if shes just trying to get over me permanently or if she wants me back and its weighing on me.
    I want to give her space but we lived together and after the fight, I drove across country 16hrs to spend time with a sick Grandparent.
    I still need to go home soon and either work things out (I have been spending a lot of time thinking of how I need to improve, how the things I said to her were BS, that she has done nothing but make me happy, and that I am the one responsible for the things I blamed about in the first place) or relinquish my belongings and try and move on. Is it ok for me to go home?
    A tricky situation I am aware, but my job and my whole life are there + my only other option would be to move 16hrs away for work!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 25, 2018 at 4:05 am

      Hi Jordan!

      Sometimes the ex will do NC on you! I agree, everybody needs some space to let the negative emotions get shed away.

  16. Avatar

    Penny

    October 24, 2018 at 1:39 am

    I’m so close to finishing NC (5 days of 30 left!) but I feel like I didn’t love myself enough during it, that I’m not healed and positive and ready etc! We did not date very long before the break up, so I’m worried about extending NC (will it do more harm than good?!). What should I do?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:21 am

      Great job Penny. You are making progress and even if you are not there yet on the healing side, you will be. Perhaps you might want to reach out to him, giving him a heads up that you have been taking some quiet time for yourself to work on “you” and take stock of things and you just wanted him to know why you have been off the radar and you feel you have more work to do. Think of it as a transition first contact text.

  17. Avatar

    MST

    October 7, 2018 at 7:43 am

    Hi In My 5 yr relationship we had some issues due to My bad childhood and certain patterns etc (control freakness, some jealosy and insecurities on My behalf which did lead to arguments) – I am thinking it would be better to start off with an apology/clean slate letter/e-mail instead of a cute memory text? (I am now in therapy and want to tell him that now I have finally taken action, are working on My issues, and now have realized that it is MY responsibility to make me happy and whole again etc – but Also offer a deepfelt apology to him about what I have put him through)
    Our no contact started off with me telling him that I was doing nc because I needed time to figure out how I could better myself and work on My issues. His respons was two messages saying how incredibly sad that made him, but he could see it from my point of view. I did not respond and are now at day 16 of nc.
    When he broke it off with me he said that he Didn’t want to lose me entirely and that he wants me in his life. And that he has feelings for me, and would always care about me.
    I just feel that I have to do the clean slate before Anything Else. What do you think?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 7, 2018 at 10:17 pm

      Hi MST!

      The way I see it, all of us exhibit some of the behaviors you described! We can all get controlling about things. Jealousy and insecurity can rear its head in all of our lives, leading to anxiety and conflict.

      I think what you propose makes sense for your situation. It will likely be helpful for him to see that you have taken positive and constructive steps to address some personal development issues given they were apparently a part of the breakup.

      So yes, a clean slate is what NC is about. Whether he is going to be an integral part of your life or not, what is most important is “you” and your relationship with yourself. If you can be a better “you”, then it expands the paths you may choose to take and fulfillment is far more easier to attain.

  18. Avatar

    Erin

    August 14, 2018 at 6:29 am

    He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?

  19. Avatar

    Erin

    August 14, 2018 at 1:57 am

    He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?

  20. Avatar

    Ayla

    May 5, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    Hi there!
    It’s about two weeks that i have finishied my NC and the day aftr i finished NC he texted me and asked me if i can help him or not
    And as i was angry with him i didnt repond
    And he sended the same messages on my 3vety social media i read them and again i didnt repond:|
    Ans he texted other message saying you promised me to help me that time
    And i yhought it is enogh i send him a texted back and kinda challengful message if was
    How ever i hwlped him
    Then he ask me to do an other favor for him in month or so
    And
    We talked about the party i was invated
    And sending him some pics and videos of the party
    To show him im happy
    And dont need him
    And now im just confused what should i do?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      If you are still having upset feelings towards him…then consider telling him and that you need some time to yourself to work through your own feelings and heal from some of the difficulties you have experienced.

    2. Avatar

      Ayla

      May 6, 2018 at 8:19 am

      Im just afriad
      Everyone around me says never let him come back to your life again he left you
      And he will do that again
      Idk
      But sometimes i fee he didnt ever love me
      He just wanted to use me for advantage
      But he was talking so nice to me recently
      Idont know what to do!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 2:56 pm

      Go it slow

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