The Definitive Guide To Using Facebook To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

779 thoughts on “Using Facebook To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Claire

January 29, 2014 at 11:38 am

I have a question about male psychology and Facebook. You’ve given us great advice about the importance of NC. But, you said that we shouldn’t defriend exes. Wouldn’t defriending an ex help with NC because the whole point is to get him to miss you so much that he wants you back? I get that it can be used as a tool to make him realize you’re going out, living a fabulous life and doing just fine on your own. But, wouldn’t it drive him crazy if he suddenly has no way of knowing what you’re upto? I’m very curious about this, and I’d appreciate your awesome feedback 🙂

admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:03 pm

It could but it could also rob you of the opportunity to show him what he is missing.

It has been a while since I wrote this article and experience and knowledge have taught me that there are positives and negatives to keeping an ex friended and defriending an ex.

Personally, I wouldn’t defreind.
Claire

February 1, 2014 at 1:42 am

Thanks for your reply! You’re totally right lol these are the perils of dating in a world where social media exists. I’d already defriended him on FB, but post all the time on Instagram. If he really wanted to see what I was upto, he’ll figure it out 🙂
admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:38 pm

He will figure it out trust me…

Hahaha
Claire

February 1, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Oh you boys, and the way your minds work hahaha

Thanks for the awesome advice 🙂 really appreciate it!
admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:37 pm

You are more than welcome.

Marta

January 22, 2014 at 3:25 pm

I have an interesting question. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, it is as a sad situation. I became pregnant and I don’t think he is prepared to deal with the life changes and commitment that comes with raising a child so he ended the relationship on the grounds that he no longer loves me.
What confuses me is that he hid his status on FB but has still retained his profile picture where we are both on it? Admittedly only 10 days have passed but he made it clear that he had convinced himself that we were not compatible. So what is this about?
Monica

January 22, 2014 at 1:43 pm

This is my last question before NC is up tomorrow!! Trying to suck all your articles bone dry for information 😛

Do you have any additional advice as to making contact AND being in contact via Facebook? My ex lost his phone and has yet to get a new one, so that’s my outlet for now.

Wish me luck! I’m so nervous, but I’ll keep you posted 🙂

admin

January 22, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Yes, remember this isn’t as big as your making it out to be.

Calm your nerves and manage your expectations.
Monica

January 23, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Well, I sent my first contact Facebook chat. It says he’s seen it – no response. I definitely managed my expectations and am not surprised he didn’t answer me, but it still makes me sad and it’s pretty disheartening. Two more weeks of NC then, I guess.
Monica

January 23, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Oh! And one more question, what if he’s the one who contacts me (not that I expect it, just want to be prepared) during this two week NC – do I answer or do I still wait for the two weeks to be up?

Thank you for letting me to continue to pick your brain, Chris.
Monica

January 30, 2014 at 6:59 pm

Yep more questions from me! I seriously have read and reread everything you’ve written so many times. Anyways, the ex is the type of guy who’ll post lyrics that match his thoughts and feelings. This morning he put up some lyrics to that “say something” song by a great big world. Damn song makes me sob because I think of him, and apparently he thinks of me.
The section he posted was:

Say something I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere, I would’ve followed up
Say something I’m giving up on you

Now, I’m aware that this is more required to know his mind, but do you have any insight on this?
Monica

January 31, 2014 at 12:28 pm

Ok, there’s more, I was just scared to type it. So shortly after he put that status up, I took the bait and facebook chatted him (but there was no indication at ALLLLL that I had seen that status). The conversation seemed to be going pretty well and I knew both of us had nothing to do so I asked if he wanted to grab a quick cup of coffee later. he said “idk monica” and “you seem like you’re doing well let’s not ruin that for ya lol”. i said “Hey its just coffee :)” and then stupidly a little over an hour later i said “i promise i won’t bite hahaha”. He saw it, and ignored it. So I went about my business.

And then I did something stupid.

I put up a facebook status that said “hope is necessary in every condition”, we aren’t friends and I didn’t think he was actively checking my facebook page – well, I guess he is because he put up a status hours later that said “hope is for the weak. reality is for the men.”

1) What should I do?
2) I know it’s a bad sign, but how bad of a sign is it?
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:49 pm

…. wow… hahahahaha its a good sign he is checking your status.

DONT DO ANYTHING.
Monica

February 3, 2014 at 5:31 pm

Well I just typed a whole big comment and then it never sent. So now I’m mad at my computer, but I digress.

Anyways, I really need a touch more than your typical response (DISCLAIMER: Not insulting your one-line answers, you’re a huge help to everyone here, I totally understand the amount of work you have to put into running this by yourself but some serious guidance is my aim right now)

I keep f**king up on Facebook. I FB chatted him yesterday because I found a funny picture of him from way back when. Got no response, even though we’ve been kind of in the stage of conversation (I’m doing a terrible time of controlling it though, still working on that). That being said, just last week he told me he missed me.

Today, I saw a picture on instagram that said “The best person to talk to about your problems in your relationship is the person your’re in a relationship with”. This was a huge part of our downfall because of me, which I see SO CLEARLY now. I put this picture up on facebook and added a few of my own hashtags saying #youliveandyoulearn #mistakesaremylessons #movingforward and I added one of those feeling things saying I was feeling human. Well hindsight decided that it was too emotional so I deleted it but not before he checked up on my fb and saw it. He put up a status that said “Well I guess I keep my chin up and move on with my life. Seems easy enough to do”.

Now, I guess I need to add that we met because of our seasonal job. It ends on Christmas Eve and starts back up at the end of March so we’re going to see each other soon.

I have four questions:

1) Have I entirely ruined my chances because of my stupidity on Facebook?

2) WHY is he so hot and cold? With saying he misses me and the statuses about giving up on me, then ignoring me, then seeming so affected by my picture I put up.

3) What should be like my next 2-3 steps? (ex: 1 week NC, then a harmless FB chat or…)

4) Or can I somehow use the fact that we’re going to be seeing each other at work soon to my advantage?

I know it’s a lot of questions which your normally don’t like, but I really wanted to get everything out of the way so I can get back to thinking logically. Thank you so, SO so so much Chris. You taking your time out to answer this would mean the entire world for me. Even before we broke up, everyone said we were meant to be together (this might be the emotional romantic in me, but I believe in my guy instinct, which it was telling me that too). If we get back together I just KNOW 100% without a doubt it would be for good. Actually, him breaking up with me was probably one of the best things he’s ever done for me because I NEVER would have developed such insight in our relationship if he hadn’t. I’m also happy with myself again because of you telling me to focus on myself. I just have to get him to see this. Now I’m rambling though. Sorry 😛
Monica

February 2, 2014 at 1:31 pm

And why would he tell me he misses me and then a few days later put up those statuses and act like he doesn’t care anymore? His hot and cold is killing me, I don’t know what to believe.
Monica

February 2, 2014 at 1:32 pm

*act like he doesn’t care anymore when I was facebook chatting him
Monica

February 1, 2014 at 9:33 pm

even though his statuses are negative, it’s still a good sign?

Abril

January 21, 2014 at 2:05 am

Hi. Great article!
My ex is NOT on FB (He is from an old school. We are much older than you are). I am on FB, but my profile is not “public” now. Do you recommend making mine “public”?
Thank you.

admin

January 21, 2014 at 6:03 pm

Ahhh the old school where you had to call to get a date! I kind of miss those days to be honest.
Abril

January 21, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Thanks. We didn’t call each other as much but texted a lot. He actually texted me back a couple of times after NC when I followed your texting advices.
My question about Facebook has not been addressed. Am I too old to stay in your audience?

Kate

January 19, 2014 at 4:49 pm

So my ex followed me back on social networks but does not speak to me what does it mean? I followed him back was that bad to do?
Baylee

January 18, 2014 at 9:55 pm

I need a bit of help. From a man, not a girl. I’ve basically done all of this. I know there was no promises that he would work but yeah.. Me and my boyfriend broke up two days ago and we are still in school so we didn’t live with eachother or anything. We dated for 4 months and it was a great relationship until I “changed” I need help on what this means and how I can get him back! We’re “Friends” now.. But I’d rather be more then that within time.
elizabeth

January 16, 2014 at 4:20 pm

Me & my bf had a huge argument. One that had him leave & go stay Tat his moms. The night of the fight I had deleted him from facebook. We decided that we need alittle space to let the emotions settle, it was a huge fight & I am 100% to blame for it, I messed up HUGE! But since we have been texting & talking & he said we can work through it. I requested him as a friend on facebook & he accepted. But he won’t except my relationship request. Which I don’t understand because we had agreed to work this out & he said he’d be back home in a week or so. What does this mean? Very mixed messages.
Devonna

January 16, 2014 at 5:33 am

Hey Chris, Any chance you read my recent post to your reply on Jan 11?

admin

January 16, 2014 at 6:01 pm

Which one is it?
Devonna

January 17, 2014 at 6:43 am

hi my boyfriend and I had a mutual break up a week ago. he said he had a hard time letting go of the past because of his ex girlfriend. they’ve been broken up for over a year now. she wants absolutely nothing to do with him, but I think it’s hard for him to move on and be happy with anyone else (including me) because he hasn’t gotten any closure from her. we are still friends on fb, however we’re not contacting each other at the moment what should I do next?ReplyadminJanuary 11, 2014 | 1:33 am Well, have you been doing NC?ReplyDevonnaJanuary 11, 2014 | 4:13 pm yes I’ve had absolutely NC with him. what’s my next move? or is my situation a lost cause. Plus this is the second time we broke up becaude of my ex being “stuck in the past”, eventhough his ex gf wants nothing to do with him. He says to me and knows that Im a good woman for him, hes even told me in the past that im a huge step up from his ex gf. But my question is if im such a big step up from her, then why is he still stuck. But this one really blows my mind away. His cousin who is still a dear friend to me like most of his family said that he was trying to surprise me for New Years Eve and take me somewhere really nice. But he couldn’t, due to limited funds on his end. But this one shocks me. He called me and ended things with me two days after the New Years eve, saying he doesnt want to be an ass and string me along, that its not fair to me. Why did he do that? Is my situation a lost cause?

Madea Bill

January 15, 2014 at 9:28 am

Hi Chris,

My situation is different, I’m not of Facebook instead I’m on Instagram. you cant write much on instagram you just post pictures. should i use the guide on instagram or its not a good idea? at the moment im still on NCR. My Ex been posting pictures of the new girl everyday but he hasn’t unfollowed me.

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:30 pm

I think you can use it sure.

Mary

January 15, 2014 at 6:19 am

Okay…I don’t know how to interpret this situation so I would love some help. My bf and I broke up about 6 days ago. We had a huge fight via text and ended with me saying that I was done doing this. He said he was too, good luck, and don’t contact his family or any friends that I met through him. It finished with me sending a long and angry text that laid out all the reasons he was wrong.

Context, we’ve been together 8 months. I’ve met his family and spent holidays at their house. This argument is a recurring one, and we’ve split because of it numerous times. He kicked me out a month ago because of this issue and the whole family got involved. A week afterwards, 3 days NC, he reached out. Two weeks later we were back together.

After the argument 6 days ago, I called at midnight and apologized but asked that he mail me the things I had left at his place. Then I sent a long text apologizing (again) and nicely laying out all the reasons he was hurting our relationship and saying that I couldn’t keep playing this game. 12 hours later, got a text “Thanks for the apology”. I replied five hours later “you’re welcome”. Then me (idiot that I am) a few hours later “still angry?”…then a series of texts trying to say I solved everything and couldn’t wait to talk to him. No reply. Called 35+ times. Nothing. Left a message. Sent an email. Sent a FB message.

Nothing.

Sister de-friended me. Friends say he is out looking. Going on 5 days NC.

But FB pictures of me are still on his page, including a pic of the two of us. He told me the first thing he usually does is delete photos and erase the girl.

Been super positive on FB. Haven’t talked to mutual friends about the break-up. Posted pics of me out with friends. No reaction.

Is this still salvageable? How?

Mary

January 17, 2014 at 4:33 am

Hi Chris,
You never replied. Think NC still has a chance of working in this case even though I did everything emotional and wrong the first day after the break-up?
Update: I am moving out of state for an internship and haven’t told him. Friends haven’t told him either. He went from not being active on FB to suddenly very active. My pics are still up.

Should I continue with NC? Is it working?

Nhi Le

January 15, 2014 at 4:28 am

Hi Chris, I message you on Facebook before but i think you too busy to answer : ), i just want to ask about the no-contact rule.

My boyfriend want to break up with me, cause he bore and he said he sick of me (calling him too much because i miss him, my insecurity – he stop care about me- make me cry a lot and i usually start a fight with him, it is bad thing to do…i know now)after 30′ crying and talking with him, he said i put so much pressure on him he not feels comfortable with this relationship it was nearly 2 weeks before, he know i have exam this week so he said he need sometimes away from me, he said he has no feeling with me anymore, he said call again when i finish my exam, i have try no contact in 2 weeks with him. He talk with me like he barely know me. I know that after i finish my exam he will break up, he usually give me hope then crash it. I really want to call him, but am scare, i just pick my phone up then cry a bit then put it down, i don’t want to hear that kind of voice he talk, like he don’t know me at all and i don’t want him to hang up on me again, all i want to hear is his softly voice like he usually talk with me and call me babe. I haven’t post anything on Facebook since that phone call because i just don’t want him to know how pathetic i am now, crying and missing him like crazy.

The things is do you think the no-contact rule can apply to him, he is a GAMER, he spend a lot of time a day playing online game, once he play, he forget everything else and he has no feeling with me any more, and am in a long-distance relationship. Will he miss me at all.
I logged on his Facebook, i think he still pretty happy with his life, he hang out with friends and keep playing game if he don’t have to go to Uni, i read his messages with his friend talk about this girl and that girl, his friend and him send each other pictures of those girl and some of the friend of his friend that are girls’s Facebook. His friend ask about me and my boyfriend (i think i could call him ex now) ask “who?” he said he single now, he said he a bad boy something, when we not even actually break up yet. I been crying a lot but he seam very happy, it’s like i don’t exist anymore in his mind. My ex said he like this girl and then that girl. It like our relationship means nothing to him.

Will the no-contact rule work with guy like that?????? will he miss me at all or even think of me at all????

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:02 pm

It can work ya.
Nhi Le

January 15, 2014 at 4:58 am

Oh…and the ‘in a relationship’, i and him still put it on? should i put it away or just keep it?

DAMMIT

January 14, 2014 at 3:38 pm

Craaaaaaaaap. I accidentally hit follow on his twitter but we’re still in no contact!!!! Should I unfollow? Or leave it?

admin

January 14, 2014 at 6:02 pm

leave it

Madison

January 14, 2014 at 7:43 am

What if you already d-friended him on facebook but before you broke up ? should i re-friend him ? or will he look at my facebook even if we aren’t friends ?

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:57 pm

He will probably look at your Facebook no matter what.

Kelly

January 12, 2014 at 3:12 pm

My boyfriend & I have been broken up for a little over 3 months now. I did the 30 day NC and had tried the initial texts and the types of responses I was getting were between neutral and positive. They were not one worded, but not conversation starters either. I waited a week or so between those and then finally realized it wasn’t working so I decided to go NC again but for a longer period of time. It’s been about 5 weeks. Last night, I used the facebook jealousy post. I posted a picture of me and a guy that was COMPLETELY innocent. Then my ex deleted me and my entire family and almost all of my friends from his facebook account. I think he forgot a couple people existed. He also still has a few pictures of us on his facebook. So the answer that I am looking for are these:

1. What does it mean when he deletes you from Facebook 3+ months after he broke up with you and AFTER you posted a picture of you and another guy?

2. Why delete me and my family/friends but keep pictures of me on your facebook?

3. His family still has me as friends on Facebook. What am I supposed to do with them? Do I de-friend them?

Kelly

January 17, 2014 at 12:34 am

no advice on this?

Devonna

January 10, 2014 at 3:28 am

hi my boyfriend and I had a mutual break up a week ago. he said he had a hard time letting go of the past because of his ex girlfriend. they’ve been broken up for over a year now. she wants absolutely nothing to do with him, but I think it’s hard for him to move on and be happy with anyone else (including me) because he hasn’t gotten any closure from her. we are still friends on fb, however we’re not contacting each other at the moment what should I do next?

admin

January 11, 2014 at 1:33 am

Well, have you been doing NC?
Devonna

January 11, 2014 at 4:13 pm

yes I’ve had absolutely NC with him. what’s my next move? or is my situation a lost cause. Plus this is the second time we broke up becaude of my ex being “stuck in the past”, eventhough his ex gf wants nothing to do with him. He says to me and knows that Im a good woman for him, hes even told me in the past that im a huge step up from his ex gf. But my question is if im such a big step up from her, then why is he still stuck. But this one really blows my mind away. His cousin who is still a dear friend to me like most of his family said that he was trying to surprise me for New Years Eve and take me somewhere really nice. But he couldn’t, due to limited funds on his end. But this one shocks me. He called me and ended things with me two days after the New Years eve, saying he doesnt want to be an ass and string me along, that its not fair to me. Why did he do that? Is my situation a lost cause?

Gloria Sanchez

January 6, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Hi there. I’m so glad i found this! I plan to use these tips. One question though.. what if i already broke some of these rules? Unfortunately, i already cried, begged & messaged him. Pathetic huh? Is my situation hopeless?

admin

January 7, 2014 at 6:37 pm

No. But you can’t continue crying or begging.

Jen

January 2, 2014 at 11:03 pm

*Typo
I meant to say that I’m not friends with him on Facebook.
Jen

January 2, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Hi I have a question. After my ex and I broke up we had an argument. I said something very hurtful to him. It was so bad that he hung up on me and turned his phone off. Anyway at this point I’m not sure if he has too much pride to not call/text me. It’s been almost over a week. And on top of that I’m even friends with him on Facebook. So I guess I was wondering how I should go about this due to the circumstances? Is their a chance he’d still try to contact me?

admin

January 3, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Use NC and don’t break it. Things need to calm down.

Monica

January 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm

Sorry, I have another question!

This is about Twitter (maybe you could add to this Facebook guide about other social media outlets? Just a thought! 🙂 ). Anyways, early on New Year’s morning (like 7AM early), my ex favorited a tweet that said “F**k texting. I want you here.” I’m only on day 3 of NC and before the one stupid happy holidays text I sent him I think it was 6 days before that so we aren’t texting (duh). He also favorited and retweeted a tweet that said “The worst pain is when you smile, just to keep the tears from falling, and sleep, just so you don’t have to think about it.” I was just wondering what are the chances that they pertain to me?

I’m keeping in mind that A) I have no idea whether or not he’s in a new relationship as I’m still blocked from Facebook and B) I also have no idea whether or not he’s aware that I can still see his Twitter page even though he’s blocked me on there as well (we just can’t interact).

admin

January 2, 2014 at 6:30 pm

That is not a bad idea. Make a guide about twitter!

It probably pertains to you.

Bella

December 30, 2013 at 4:16 pm

What does it mean if he likes your album of photos, two of them including you with another guy?

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779 thoughts on “Using Facebook To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”