How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,237 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Anna

December 21, 2016 at 8:38 am

Wow! This guide is very nice!

I’ve been recreating complicity with my ex LDR and now we’ve started sexting (from the flirty texts to the full cybersex)…. what do you think?

Knowing that we also have ‘normal’ conversations, the type we used to have when we were together (we talk about our lives, things we like, we laugh, we have fun, we make jokes, we watch series together, we play games together..). So it doesn’t look like it’s all about sex.

Anna

June 9, 2017 at 6:58 am

Check up time haha ^-^

So I started to send texts every 2-4 days, always with a purpose: most of the time to talk about something we both like ( send a video about a video game he loves, bring back a memory of a time we actually had a lot of fun and a good laugh..). His answers were always really positive and I always managed to cut the conversation short.
He then sent me a picture of the pen I gave him a long time ago. He said nothing. Just sent the picture. I said nothing but ‘good luck with your exams 🙂 “.
I waited a few days and sent the “compliment” text. I said something about his eyes and how beautiful they are… and then said it was a shame we couldn’t say the same for his butt :p
He answered by saying “emh thank you.. I guess ^^” my girlfriend won’t be happy to read this. You have a boyfriend right?”
I just said “compliments are harmless 😉 ” and he answered with “yeah but she won’t like it though’. So I just said ” Awn, it’s cute, you’re in love 🙂 Good that you found someone who completes you and makes you happy ^^” (knowing that she gets on his nerves and he always complains about her to his friends).
He did not answer for like … 5 min, eventhough he was still online, so I cut the convo with “Gotta go back to studying! See ya” and he answered straight away “good luck 😉 “Guess he didn’t wanted to say anything about his feelings for his girl.
I was afraid he was going to be cold after that, but the the next day he came to talk to me about the results of his exam, and how happy he was about it. He wished me good luck for my dissertation, told me I knew I could easily do it and so on…
3 days after I sent him a message, we started to talk and then suddenly he cut the conversation. He did not answer my messages the next few days. I found it really strange, he had completly changed his behaviour.
And then I learned that his “girlfriend” is completly jealous of me, she can”t stop talking about me. He started to answer me again just after his last exam. So I guess he wanted to focus on his work and avoid fighting with her.
Now he’s on holidays with her for 10 days but he said he would snap me.

Is it a good thing that she is crazy jealous of me?

(He is not the one who told me. He never told me “sorry I couldn’t talk to you” or “she doesn’t want me to talk to you”. He just stopped talking and then started again.)
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 5:30 pm

It’s normal that she would be jealous but the compliment text was too early and mentioning it out of the blue looked like you were flirting
Anna

May 12, 2017 at 6:01 am

I sent a letter because I was BLOCKED EVERYWHERE. I literaly had no other way to contact him.
I think it had a positive impact. Indeed, he asked our common friend to tell me that he had sent me a message, so I should check it up (I could have seen it myself xD).
He unblocked me on fb and added me on skype.

He said “Hi! I got your letter. I am glad that things are getting better for you! I wish you all the best in your new relationship. I am fine, I am still going on with my internships and studies 🙂 .”

I did not answer.

So I think I can slowly start to text him again sometimes (for instance after that concert). And I think since he added me on skype, it means he’s ok to play video games with us again, which is good I think because that’s something which was quite important in our relationship. 🙂
What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 12, 2017 at 7:31 pm

dont go too faat.. go back to posting more in fb..and then slowly message there or comment back if he comments
Anna

April 16, 2017 at 8:51 pm

Really Amor, thank you for your time! You’re great!!!

I’m still blocked on fa****k, that’s the problem! His ex unblocked me so I could see that she is in relationship on Fb with him but blocked me again. (or he did I don’t know, but since it looks like she used his passeword to change his relationship status…).

I have another Fb account I keep for my family… so… can I use it? I’m not blocked on this one.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 20, 2017 at 11:52 am

Just keep using the one you’re blocked because that’s the one he would probably check
Anna

April 16, 2017 at 11:51 am

Ok. Thanks. Since he blocked me everywhere I thought that the letter would be the least agressive..
I wrote it and it looks like that:

“Hey!

I wanted to thank you for all you did for Tom. Since I couldn’t be there, I’m glad you took good care of him 🙂

I also wanted to thank you for something else. The relationship we had is something rare and precious. No one ever looked at me the way you did (but my cat when I’m holding a can of tuna). So thank you, I learned a lot thanks to you.

You were right, it wasn’t the right time to be together. I was still fragile and under the influence of that girl (=> – she happens to be Tom’s ex, she’s a narcissist-) who made me hurt the people I love. You didn’t want to move on from your past relationship. I felt it and was clingy and anxious. I am sorry. You were not ready. Neither was I. (= > – probably need to change that part -)

Are you happy? Do you think you can blossom in your current situation?

I am fine. I got rid of this toxic friendship and I am finding myself again. I’m always happy to go out and meet new people. I am going to see*********** (name of a band he really likes and introduced me too). Thank you for the discovery! I saw that they are playing this summer in a festival in your country, you should have a look!
By the way, I just tried a new vegan cookies recipe which is just really yummyyyy! I would love to share it with you some day!

I hope you’re doing fine,

Anna”.

What do you think? Is it ok or does it really look like ‘I miss you, I’ve changed, I want you”? ^^”
Thank you a lot for your help 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 5:01 pm

Honestly it does.. It sounds like mommyish too… let’s edit it.. It has some good topics you can use like the band.. Use a social media messenger since you’re unblocked. Don’t send everything in one message.

you can send a first contact text like “Hey! I’m so stoked you’re not going to believe which band I’m going to see!”

And then reply the band and the thank you for the discovery after he replies and end it there.. if he doesn’t reply in maybe 2 or 3 hours, send it still and end it at that message..

If he’s vegan, post the photos of the vegan foods you’re making but don’t caption it with anything that it looks like you’re doing it for him..

Don’t thank him about your friend because you’re not your friend’s mom..if you get to talking about your friend in the future conversations, like if you asked about him, be like, “good thing he has you as a friend.”

Don’t ask if he’s happy or if he can improve his situation ever..

don’t thank him for the relationship, it was not favor…if he suddenly apologizes about it, just say, “I’m actually grateful for the memories and everything.”

Don’t explain your improvements.. just be active in your life and post your activities..your posts are your non-verbal indirect way of showing that you have a life.

Don’t be explanatory and apologetic.. You’re trying to build rapport so have conversations about a topic that he’s interested in..
Anna

April 14, 2017 at 1:12 pm

Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing since the breakup. I lost more than 16 lbs, I have a busy social life, keep meeting new people and I’m seeing a therapist to work on myself.

I know that our common friend, Tom, is giving him a very positive image of me. Tom just went through a very harsh break up and my ex and I are his two friends who really help him stay positive and cheer up.

Since he seems unhappy and his relationship with his “girlfriend” is bad, I was thinking about maybe sending him a letter in two weeks, so that it would be about a month of NC.
Just to thank him for the relationship and the break up, go back to some points which were bad during the relationship, tell him about my life and the improvements I make, ask him if he is happy and thank him for taking care of Tom. Something short, casual, positive, fun and nice. So that he knows what I’ve been up to. My aim would be just to get him to casually talk to me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 11:11 am

as in written letter? hmm.. that’s too formal..those are good topics but putting it out all in one letter looks like, “Hey, I miss you a lot. I improved myself and I want you back.” Don’t tell him you’ve improved yourself, that’s like trying to convince..because if you really moved on, you will just be casual and positive, not trying to explain everything..
Anna

April 13, 2017 at 10:02 am

Look who’s back haha! Thinks have been moving so I got a second thought ^-^

Well, what happened is that I was under the influence of one of my friends who’s been telling me what to do and controlled me. I finally got rid of her. But too late. I got pissed of and told my ex he didn’t deserve me and blocked him everywhere (on her advices). Then I felt as if it “was’nt me” (I’m not the kind to block ppl). So I unblocked him and told him I was under the influence of someone and wanted to ask him a few things. Then he didn’t answer for a few days (I just sent 1 message, the one he read and nothing more, no harrass), then told his friends I was crazy and blocked me.

One week later, he unblocked me for a few days, just enough so that I could see that he was with a relationship with his ex (a friend told me, because I don’t stalk, I just knew he had unblocked me bc I saw his comments on a friend’s picture).

So I just did not react and focused on myself. Then last week our common friend told me “Oh I can’t play with you tonight, you -know-who is sleeping at my place. He can’t stand his roomates anymore. They piss him off and I also think that his ex came back to live with him a few days ago.”

I said nothing but “he’s a big boy, it’s his problem”.
=> so the guy doesn’t want her to live with him, it creates tensions but he says.. nothing? and runs away?

Then my friend told me “From what I’ve seen they got back together about 10 days ago. She did it without him knowing and he felt really bad because he didn’t wanted to (- guess my friend is talking about the Fb “in a relationship “status” so she had his passeword? then is she the one who unblocked me? -) . And he already cheated on her last week”. It’s then as if SHE decided that they were together so he just accepted ?

So the thing is: I was ok to step away because he picked her. But it looks like she picked him. She just forced her way into a relationship with him.
I just don’t get why he does not tell her “I don’t want you”.
She just decided to do as if they have never broke up and he says nothing but feels bad?
What is wrong with that guy? And it’s not all about easy sex since he cheated on her, he can get other girls…
btw, instead of changing his status to “single” (maybe because he’s afraid she’s gonna piss him off) he just picked “don’t show statuts”…

So yeah, I’m back again, wondering if I can do something… because he is obviously unhappy…. And I just want him to be happy and healthy.

Do you think I can do something? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 7:23 pm

he’s an adult.. it’s just like what you said, if he really doesn’t want her, he will not be in that relationship.. let’s say he is using her as a rebound, but if you’re saying you want him to be happy.. it’s his decision, not yours.. if you want him back, go back to improving yourself and having fun.. make him regret that way.
Anna

March 12, 2017 at 4:00 pm

Hey! So I’ve been thinking and compared myself to his ex, physically, mentally and regarding our lifetstyles :
– she’s average looking vs I’ve got a sexy body and a cute face,
– she’s depressive and emotionally instable vs I’m positive, quirky, funny and energic
– she is more stupid than him vs I am smarter and more mature
– she’s into drugs vs I’ve got a healthy vegan lifestyle-he’s vegetarian-
– she’s not into video games and nerdy stuff vs I’m a gamer girl -he’s a geek-
– she lives in the same town BUT it takes only AN HOUR if he wants to see me even though it’s not the same country.
– she is obedient and kind and in love with him and does whatever he wants her to do untill she yells and throws stuff at him vs I don’t let him do what he wants to do with me but I’m still loving, I stay calm and walk away during an argument then I talk to him to understand and fix it

Sooooo.. if he can’t see that I am girlfriend material and she isn’t, if the word ‘distance'” means “impossible” (an hour? seriously?) then he doesn’t deserve someone like me and I’d better go find a better guy, right?
Because he’s not even able to see that I don’t live that far and seing/being with his ex is actually not the easy solution, even though he might think it is.

So thank you for your help, I’ve decided to move on and stop wasting my time with a guy who does not even see what he is losing ^^
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 8:36 am

Ok Anna, that’s good that you value yourself
Anna

March 5, 2017 at 8:53 pm

I should have waited longer but I sent him a text asking him about his bday party. So he showed me a picture of the present he got. Then we talked about our weight loss and our objectives (we were overweight when we met and we’ve always been supportive on each other’s weight loss).
Then I casually told him that I have to get toned because I’m going to be a naked or lingerie model for a photographer who works on “natural body”.
He saw it but did not answer

Problem: I forgot to tell you that he ‘s been seing and sleeping with his ex for a few months now.. says it’s just for sex but I think she still loves him and hopes for more. She invites him to do stuff with her like outdoor activities, movies .. and she always hops whenever he has a party (even though she’s not invited) to make sure he’s not going to get another girl.
Since she lives next to his place and I’m in another country… don’t know if I still can try to get him back, even though I know I’m better than her :/
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2017 at 7:30 am

maybe because there’s just nothing to say about that.. try to initiate again after 3 days
Anna

March 2, 2017 at 5:39 pm

OMG!

I was really surprised today!
I sent him a picture of our mutual friend who actually looks like a demon on the pic with red/white eyes. I added pink horns and tail and said “is that the demon you summoned yesterday? :p ”

So he just replied “haha I love when you send silly pictures of that guy so I can make fun of him 😉 ”
and then….
” Ps: I am really sorry about the way I treated you lately. I don’t even understand myself, it is not like me to do things like that. I hope everything is doing well for you ^^”

I answered by saying I wanted to talk to him but I was hurt.
He said he understood but he would not try to justify himself because it was ” useless :(” (meaning it’s too late)
I apologised for yelling at him during his exams, and said all I wanted from him was an apology. And that it was a shame things went that way.

He did read it but I got no answer.
wait and see.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2017 at 12:18 pm

yes, let’s wait. If he doesn’t and you want to initiate, you can but better if it’s a different topic..
Anna

March 1, 2017 at 7:23 pm

Sorry was too fast.

Asked him what he was up to: he sent me a picture of a student party whit a bunch of guys playing student game with beer and candles.
He’s actually too busy. But he stil took time to have a few words with me (funny comments on the picture he sent like “oh I didn’t know you belonged to a sect :p” => “we are going to sacrifice a virgin tonight” ) silly stuff like that ^^” ).
So now I let him enjoy his night and let him come to me in a few days. Maybe if I have nothing from him on Friday, I’ll send him something like “omg something really crazyhappened at work! you won’t believe it!” (which actually happened today but well.. ^^” )
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 10:26 pm

Ok, that’s good. Update us 🙂
Anna

March 1, 2017 at 6:07 pm

Hi Amor!

So I sent him a b-day funny meme. He just answered with the laughing emoji and “thanks”. He did not jump on the occasion to talk to me :/
I just answered with a wink.
What’s next? Wait a few days and ask him about his birthday?
Anna

February 14, 2017 at 9:49 pm

Yeap.. that’s what I thought… and that’s why I’m not angry anymore. I’m a bit sorry that I might have hurt him but well… at least I know now that he still cares.

So… birthday card? or text is better?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 10:32 pm

just text.. the card is too suggestive of being sweet
Anna

February 14, 2017 at 3:16 pm

Well something happened and I’m not angry any more.
We decided to stay friends with benefits with the other guy I was seing (because if no feelings, there is no point in being a couple).

As Valentine’s Day was coming, I’ve decided to change my FB status from “single” to “in a relationship” (with my cat, obviously) to avoid getting annoyed by some guys. This did not appear on the newsfeed, only on my profile.

My ex deleted me from Facebook few hours later. (implies that he might have checked my profile).
However he did not block me.

What do you think?

(Btw, I’m only replying on this post, the other Anna who is commenting is another person ^^”might not be easy for you xD)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 9:29 pm

ok, thanks for the heads up..

that’s a good sign from him, means he’s still affected..
Anna

February 9, 2017 at 8:13 pm

Well, I was really hurt when he said my friendship’s not worth it :/ I feel like I have a grudge against him.
However I never felt that way with someone so I think it’s a real shame not to try at least something.. because it was too short to see what our relationship could have been. I’m so angry that he could just wipe it all that easily !

So I’m really puzzled :/

I think I’m just going to see what happens.. I might send him a late birthday text… even though now I’m too angry to think about sending him something on this day haha

Thank you for your help 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 9:33 pm

ok, just don’t send a text when you’re angry..
Anna

February 9, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Yeah, after the fight we had, I haven’t talked to him at all (except as I said to ask him to check on our friend). I guess he just wished me “happy birthday : ) ” to be polite but I think if he did he might not have bitter feelings anymore :/

His birthday is on 1st of march.
The thing is, I’m spending the weekend with the other guy and we might start something together… (let’s say a kind of rebound relationship)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 7:38 pm

hmmm.. well, if you still want to try with him, you have to be wary on progressing the rebound. It’s ok to date around but just be cautious so, that you won’t be confused. If you want, you can initiate after his birthday.
Anna

February 8, 2017 at 4:02 pm

Hey! After all that time, I’m back:

– I tried to let things calm and let him space but after a day of NC I sent a “good luck for your exams” text and got a “you’re oppressive ” answer …. nice
– Got angry cause he was the one who made a mistake (I know I’m proud), so yelled at him by message (ah..our dear friend CAPSLOCK xD)
– He gave my scarf to his friend so he could give it to me, implying that he wouldn’t come
– Our friend advised me to tell him how I felt and explain why I got so angry. I sent a calm message explaining what was the problem and why I got angry
– > He answered by saying it was not worth being friends with me and I live too far anyway (too far for friendship?)

After that I went NC for 2 weeks, I just contacted him in a very cold way because a common friend was having big trouble and he was the only person I knew who could check on him. So I just said something like ‘can you check on him? thanks” nothing more.
It was on the 23rd of January.
My birthday was last week, he wished me a “happy birthday 🙂 ” on messenger. I did not answer.

Problem is: our common friend keeps telling him that he should talk to me and fix things because it was too stupid not to be friends and he was surely missing something. I just hope my ex doesn’t think our friend is saying that because I asked him to do so.. cause I DIDN’T. I try my best not to talk about my ex.. thing is.. his friend always mentions him -_-‘

I really don’t know what to do with that guy. He is really childish but I can’t get him out of my mind. I’m starting to see a new guy who is really nice 🙂

My ex birthday is coming soon, do you think I should wish him or completly move on and forget about that guy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 5:57 pm

talk to his friend and tell him you appreciate it but to stop asking your ex to talk to you. And then avoid fights because it will only leave a bad taste in him.. So, if you are going to initiate, you need to initiate with positive text… When is his birthday?
Anna

January 9, 2017 at 8:08 am

Hey!

Here’s the update:

– after I asked him if he was ok to come even though we were not going to have sex, he asked me if I was planning on having a new boyfriend soon. I changed subjet. But he kept asking the question everytime we would speak untill he got an answer (which was: “for now I’m meeting new people but I’m not gonna hide the fact that I want to be with someone, but I also want to take my time, so don’t worry, you can still come at the end of the month”).

– I told him not to tell our friends that he was coming, but I did not give him the reason (but in fact it’s because I first wanted to build things slowly with him and not getting them involved). Unfortunately he did by mistake (I didn’t know at 1st that it wasb by mistake). So I told him I had my reasons not to tell our friends, that he should have let me handle things and that I was disappointed (But I said it in a “nice way”, told him I should have explained to him why, told him I fixed the situation and it was ok, that we were even going to have a party with our friends when he will be there, using emojis and a yoda meme xD).
He answered by saying it was pissing him off.
So I let the things cool down for a day without trying to reach him. Yesterday I wished him good luck for his exams, told him that I understood if he was crossed but if he wanted to play video games to relax, I would probably be available. He ignored me, and he’s still doing it. It’s really not his type, he usually gets angry for like 2 hours, then it’s ok. :/ I’m really confused now 🙁

I think I made a mistake: I told him I fixed the situation with our friends by making them understand that I don’t want to go back with him (which is for now since I want to take my time and build something strong + I don’t want him to guess what is my tue intention) So I feel that I might have hurt his feelings….. :/
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 6:06 pm

if he is hurt then that means he expects to go back with you.. if that’s the case, being friends would do for him..for now, just let him cool dow
Anna

December 30, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Ok, thank you ^^

I told him during that we won’t have sex if he comes, and he seems to be ok with that. Let’s see if he still wants to spend a weekend with me 😉

I’ll give you an update if anything happens 🙂

Anyway thank you for your hard work on this website, you guys rock 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 3:27 pm

That’s good! you’re welcome!
Anna

December 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

So a few days ago he started to give me pet names again, told me he played an online game he hates just so he can do something with me and that he wants to skype to hear my voice. Just hope he’s not playing with me.

As I said, he will spend a weekend with me at the end of January. But knowing we’re ex LDR, he’s gonna stay at my place (thank god, I just have a single bed and a matress on the floor).
Do you have any ideas to prevent sex? xD
I mean, I don’t know if I can just find an excuse (forgot pill, period..whatever) or if I should tell him the truth and say that I don’t wanna have sex with him now not to ruin our relationship… (after all the sexting.. mmh :S )
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 5:11 am

enjoy the day, and then after have a nice chat..the separate beds alone will tell him you’re not open to sex. if it comes to that, just tell him it’s not you to be sleeping with somebody you’re not committed to
Anna

December 24, 2016 at 8:33 am

I broke NC 3 weeks ago with a funny meme (he had an accident and was at hospital so it was a “get well soon” / funny kind of meme). After a week of friendly texts and skype calls, we started to flirt a bit. Our first “cyber sex” was probably on the 15th. So not too long after we first started to talk :/ However we still have funny, casual conversations apart from the sexy ones.
He wants to visit me at the end of January, after his exams. I do not intend to have sex with him, I’ll find an excuse.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 11:53 am

that’s good..so, you can avoid being friends with benefits
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 7:34 am

Hi Anna,

when did you start building rapport

j

December 20, 2016 at 5:11 pm

would sending a not going to stop fighting for u message be too much? i feel like I’m in competition with someone else when he made me the promise for the future & told me he will judge by then

Layla

December 28, 2016 at 7:10 pm

Hi Amore,
Thank you for your reply. Yes, it also seems like friendzoning to me but how could he just even consider someone new one week after we broke up? It seems like he never cared for me. I know the reasons for a rebound and all but it still hurts. I will adopt the NC and move on as he wanted me to, i dont know if i can be a friend to him though. Maye after a long time apart. What should i do if he contacts me though after not doing anything with the girl (just hang out) and going back home? I feel like i might get weak if he does. But i dont want to be any backup or a should to cry on – feeling for granted is something i just dont want to go for again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 7:30 am

just ignore him so you can fully heal
Layla

December 23, 2016 at 2:09 pm

Dear all,
My boyfriend have been in a long distance relationshop for over 1,5 year. He meant the world to me and of course had ups and downs but managed. He broke up with me a week ago because I was messagig him hurtful messages – all because he did not reply back and i was struggeling with a lot and was clearly missing him during his vacation. Yes, i am ashamed of what i wrote and i regretter it and told him sorry because it was just 4 days and i didnt think about how it may affect him. Anyway, he broke up and i could only do the NC for a week. I still have feeling for him and i know we could have worked it out if he jsut could have talked to me before. So we talked yesterday. I was all okay and showed him i kind of moved on – yes, i have accepted his wish for the breakup but im not willing to just give up. Im realistic and if we both put more effort, it should work. On skype he told me he still had feelings for me but he just cant see a future with me after what have happened – he could not imagine living with me because of this faulty trait i have. I told him i am aware of my impulsiveness and i cant change but can try to approach measures or methods in order to deal with it myself and not let it out on him. I def have a solution for it. Anyway, he told me he is firm when he makes a decision , but wishes to be friends because he still loves me in a way and cares for me. I just dont know what to do know. Hes in vacation and is hanging around with some girl he has been put together with and this adds to my misery … he told me to move on because he doesnt know how it might end up with her. I atill told him i will fight for him, for us, and i will wait until it seems hopeless and meaningless. He is my true and first love and when you love someone, you fight and should want to accept each others fault. THats what i want to do. Im so helpless right now – i hope you could help me somehow how to deal with it. WIth NC i might loose him, and i cant think of anything else. Have i been losing him completely?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 9:19 am

HI Layla,

You’re already losing him. First, he’s friendzoning you because he’s still used to having you around. So, to make things easier for him, instead of committing back again, he just wants to stay friends. That way he can still talk to you while he talks to other girl too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 10:22 pm

Yeah, it shows you will not stop chasing him..

Harleen

December 20, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Hello, Amor…
How are you?
It’s been a while after my last post here…
Just to recap, I was in the NC process and I was doing it really fine… I’m three months away from him, physically. We had a relationship of three years.
The problem is that he insisted so much on contacting me, when I was having my own time… I answered him. And J. even declared his love to me, as before… I was extremely happy, but I was cautious. I wasn’t texting or calling him that much… The last time I talked to J. was last Friday.
Today’s Tuesday. I had seen he was with his usual group of friends last weekend, on Facebook… I didn’t mind that one, I didn’t want to feel jealous about it… I called him today (Tuesday). J. answered the phone… And my world has just crashed down… He was sincere and honest enough to tell me he is dating someone. I believe it started this last weekend… I asked him if she is already his new girlfriend, however, he said he’s only “dating” her… J. stated it’s not my fault, also that he wanted to be my friend… He explained it’s easy to talk to her, because they’re from the same nationality… He stated she’s not beautiful, on the other hand, she’s someone who shares the same thoughts and likes… She laughs at his jokes… He can understand her due to the same language they have as well…
Amor, I don’t know what to do anymore…
He said he loved me two weeks ago… How can that happen so soon?…
Please, could you help me again?…
Thank you very much in advance…

Harley (Harleen)

January 6, 2017 at 2:22 am

Hello, Amor!
How do you do?
I thank you very much for your help so far…
Well, to be honest, I have decided to move on… I am enthusiastic in having new perspectives and goals in my life in 2017…
I had a grudge on my ex boyfriend for weeks, after he told me he started going out with that other girl in his country. I felt betrayed… During that amount of time, I fixed myself – inspired by the song “I will survive”, by Gloria Gaynor.lol Really.
I changed my haircut, I started hobbies and I also got in touch with my old friends. I received a lot of invitations for many different occasions… : ) And I am happier now, instead of waiting for a response from John… I simply don’t care anymore…
He called me, after twelve days with no contact at all. I didn’t answer him. I got curious about what he might be thinking, though. What could have been his reason to approach me, if he said he is with another girl?… If I were the other girl, I would have got mad at this attitude of his…hahaha
From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much… You all have helped me when I needed the most… Thank you – “obrigada”: I am a Brazilian. : D

Regards.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2017 at 3:54 pm

Hi Harley!

I’m doing good! Thank you for asking! I’m glad you chose yourself and that you chose to love yourself first. If you’re curious and you want to ask him or at least to be friends, I think it would be better to let more time pass. That was just 12 days in and it looks like he missed you.
Harleenu

December 23, 2016 at 1:25 am

Hi…
We stayed about 15 days in NC…
I had accepted him back, after his declaration…
But, two weeks after, this happened…
I believe the girl threw herself onto him… She was already interested in him. Well, Im far away… In terms of physical contact, I cant do any…
What gave me some hope is that he mentioned shes not his girlfriend yet…
Is there any I can still do?…
In February Im back to his country… I intend to improve myself much more…
Thank you…
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 3:07 am

So, you’re not really back together, you just went back to talking.. truth is, right now, it looks more like you’re friendzoned and you should approach it like she’s his gf.
check this one:
EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 10:13 pm

HI Harleen,

so, how many days did you do nc? And why didn’t you go back together when he said he still loves you?

Lolo

December 19, 2016 at 10:57 pm

Me an my boyfriend brok up for a week now coz he did find out msgs on my FB with a guy in my organization normal msgs about work , he got really jealous told me i cheated coz i didnt tell him , we tell each other everything ,i explained in ever way possible he doesnt want change his mind , i took off fb for that i did hide some stuff before normal things like going out he did too but we always came to an agreement , Ok I love him so much , i know he does too but his hurt wr still speaking speak about intimate also but his so cruel and wont forgive me , we where supposed to meet in January he told me his not coming i said i will come for u he refused that . Help me not to loose him what to do plz

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Hi Lolo,

do you want to try the advice above?

CL

December 19, 2016 at 8:28 am

He is also posting pictures he is enjoying life like skiing rock climbng etc. one picture with the word stress xed out in red with relax and a smiley face underneath it and just seems to have no intention on contacting me though it seemed like we beoke up on good terms but I knoe he had some resentment and lost feeling but was still confused 24 days now I believe…no message

CL

December 26, 2016 at 4:38 am

The whole theory of this website is for me to initiate contact and establish a connection that is broken and further asserted through no contact as far as I understand? So now Im just confused, shouldnt I be contacting and following your texting/calling/skyping advice etc. or what should I be doing then?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 3:15 pm

always end the convo first in high note..better in cliffhanger style to increase the chances of him initiating contact.. you dont have to follow the tide theory by the book.. if you had good 13 texts yesterdays.. then procees to higher count the next time..or start over with 8 texts.. it depends.. as long as you’re having good convos that’s good..
Cl

December 25, 2016 at 3:27 pm

I thought I was supposed to initiate contact and gain his interest etc. by contacting first? I already started and I know him hes the most stubborn person in the world but I feel like hes dating someone else but just not telling me… should I ask?
CL

December 23, 2016 at 6:16 am

So I contacted him yesterday, I felt it was the right time. I sent him a picture of a young thai coconut because we used to go to Chinatown together just to drink them so its a good memory. I said it made me think of him and he said omg you drank a coconut? I did yesterday too! Then sent a picture of his and he said it made him think of me too. I said I had to go I was with friends then texted hm again today and sent to many messages for the whole tide theory. We just caught up a little. He ended the vonvo first and I sent the last message though when I shouldnt have responded its hard because the conversation is unpredictable and we have never had a problem with talking and connecting. I havent mentioned Korea and leaving in two weeks. He is super stressed and mad about work though… so thats always been an issue and he has no free time.

After I skip tomorrow should I go back to tide theory and greatly reduce my texts or should I continue to text casually and attempt to end the convo first? Im not sure how to gain rapport and interest enough for him to desire to text me… I feel like its super one sided though he probably misses me and cares its just like pulling teeth with him, his family knows him as the most stubborn person ever.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 5:43 am

always end the convo first in high note..better in cliffhanger style to increase the chances of him initiating contact.. you dont have to follow the tide theory by the book.. if you had good 13 texts yesterdays.. then procees to higher count the next time..or start over with 8 texts.. it depends.. as long as you’re having good convos that’s good..
CL

December 21, 2016 at 2:15 pm

I think he would be reminded Im still coming there and possibly interested. I also dont want to message him the day after Christmas and look lonely. Im just worried we wont meet because I waited a week before I left to contact him. Maybe thats ridiculous but I do feel like Im very in control and no contact helped. The thing is he still has yet to reach out to me…
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 8:19 am

if he really wants to see you, you dont need to remind him..because it would like you’re chasing him if you cant resist messaging him
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 10:19 am

if you cut the nc short, would it prevent him from finding a date for Christmas?

J

December 18, 2016 at 11:18 pm

did anything go thru?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 19, 2016 at 12:04 pm

Hi J,
yes, they did go through.. He probably said he wants you to change because nobody that is good, wants to see somebody else forget themselves for another person and there’s still a part of him that loves you… Let’s see first what he replies to your texts

CL

December 18, 2016 at 5:01 am

So an update since I was last on here. Its been 21 days today maybe two days ago he posted a picture of a milkshake with two straws in it red and blue so I got upset he know I see his messaging profule photos. I dont know if he is trying to make me jealous or he is seeing someone else but it really hurt, I hope Im over analyzing but thats way too fast I think worst case scenario such as he dumped me for somebody I really hope not but I dont want to be a naive fool about the whole thing. I had bought my Korea ticjet as he suggested and said hed pay for half then decided on the 30 day no contact since he wouldnt initiate anything. He hasnt texted me up till now day 21 but Im nervous not talking to him will maje him move on to another girl and my 30 days is up the day after Christmas technically and in Korean culture guys find a girlfriend for Christmas because it is a couples holiday….. so yeah Im worrued he will get a girlfriend then Ill be in Korea two weeks later devastated. Shoyod I break no contact and do shorter or should I stick to it considering hes not contacting. Just worried and I still want to fix things with him, I know we love eachother but the reactions to the distance were bad… very difficult but he should be moving here 2017.

CL

January 3, 2017 at 7:52 pm

I leave for Korea tomorrow, we skyped and he basically is acting like we are in a relationship and just expects me to go to Jeju island with him when I have to take a plane with him from Seoul and stay with him in his hotel room for a week. I told him shouldnt we meet first and decide but hes pushing it and made plans for the weekend because I said I had plans and didnt seem like he had any intention of meeting me except Friday after my dinner plans…should I go? Im so confused and hes not been totally communicative. Im feeling he just wants to use me while Im there. He also said just stay in my brothers place etc. But already booked my own place.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 6:27 pm

dont expect too much, just in case he suddenly changes his mind. If he really wants to meet you, let him be the one to fly over

Flor

December 17, 2016 at 5:25 am

I have been in a LDR with my partner for about 1.5 years. We met online then I went to meet him in his country and our relationship developed. He is a divorcee and 15years my senior, had many relationships but is new to LDR. We skyped and talked everyday for hours and met up at least once a month. We had great times tog but we also fought a lot. my bf was very put off with the constant arguments and he has said many times that he can’t do this and that the love tank was emptying cos of the distance, lack or absence of sex and the fights.
The big change came when he had to relocate inter state for a better job opportunity. our communication dropped drastically from a few hours daily to about 30mins and video calls were reduced or almost non existent becasue of working hours limitation and time difference. We continued to meet up but things didn’t improve and it got worse when he started to block my calls on weekends or completely ignore me. I got even more upset and this formed a vicious cycle. It went on for months and I eventually found out on social media that he had already been seeing someone else the last 2 months. He confessed that they met at a bar one night while we fought he told the woman he was having problems with me and they met up again and had sex. This woman is 20 years younger. When I first found out he said it was gonna end and he doesn’t want to commit to anything or anyone becasue his priority was his job. And also cos he was returning to his original state so the affair was not sustainable. I thought things would really have ended and we may have a chance at it again. I was ready to forgive him at a whim becasue I felt regretful for all the fights we had and I wanted a chance to make amends. Also becasue I had trusted him 100% when it comes to fidelity as he loathed cheating because he was cheated on badly by his ex wife and this was really out of character for him. He told me though, as long as me and him were not in the same country, things would not work out becasue this LDR has dragged longer than expected and caused things to go awry. And he was not keen to spend any more money travelling becasue he wants to focus on other priorities like getting a house etc. I was desperate to win him back so I said I will move which was actually already in the plans, but he said I should only move if it is for myself and not move for him becasue he couldn’t promise or guarantee anything between us becasue he is so scared things will go back to before like how we used to fight. This baffled me. I flew over to meet him a few weeks to seek some form of answers or even closure. we met, he held me and kissed me like we were never separated. It was just like any other dates we had and we genuinely were happy but he also reiterated that i shouldnt think all is fine just cos we Hung out for that few days I was there. (He continued seeing the other woman cos she had no clue I was there). He also said he still felt like we both got along very well and he cans we we could actually still be happy and good without fighting in fact he was getting annoyed with the other woman. Clearly he was confused about his feelings. I tried to say this could be the last that we will see each other and then he got worked up and said I was lying about wanting to try and move there. I left and we continued texting or chatting almost daily for another month or so .There were episodes in between where I tried to insult the other woman incessantly and it got him riled up and he even tried to investigate on my claims about the woman being scandalous etc. He was clearly not trusting her enough. Then I didn’t contact him for a week but eventually I caved in and when we spoke he said he thought I had moved in and found someone new based on my instagram or facebook posts. He was stalking me and he said that helped him to move on also. It was bullshit cos he clearly moved on before that. He said our times have passed and he has moved on but he has not let go becasue I was really special to him and unlike his exes whom he will not bother talking to, he found it hard to do the same with me. So he hopes we can remain friends and talk ocassionally and he quoted, “who knows, things may change”. And he was still keen to know if I was moving to the same place as him. I felt like he was only doing this becasue he wanted to make himself less guilty about the cheating, it wasn’t about me but more about making himself feel good. A week later he moved in with the other woman and he said he also met her parents. My discovery about the affair actually made the RS official for them. I was shattered. They barely hung out for a few months and things progressed that fast. He said he had hesitations cos he felt inferior to move in to the woman’s house and also that it was a big step and may break or make the rs but it was good cos it saves him money. He still continued contact with me throughout the entire time from when he started the affair till when I discovered and he said he wishes to keep in touch. Though most of the contact were all initiates by me, but he has always responded and we would even chat or video call for hours (when the other woman is at work). As much as I was hurting knowing that he was clearly with another woman but it was also hard for me to break away and I told him that it’s hard for us to be friends. he said if it’s hard for me he will do that and he wanted to hear it from me that I do not want to be friends with him, which again I found it hard to do so. and now he still replies my text but he is intentionally being distant but went to like my social media pictures instead (which he doesn’t usually do). I feel so confused and messed up. Will we ever have a chance at this again? Should I start the no contact rule for real. I still have plans to move over and I know he is already in a rs now which i m not certain how serious it is given that he has been responding to me on the side, but I am still holding on to the hope that we may still have a chance to hang out at some point.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi Flor,

so wheb do you really plan to move? What is your reason for staying friends with him?

J

December 17, 2016 at 2:42 am

i think i messed up messaging him already and he will read it all soon. alot is me bringing up good memories after i sent some angry texts cuz i was emotionally unstable. i hope those texts will cover the anger. i talked some good memories and how my life is. i did say smth like ik we said some mean things before u left but it doesnt change the fact i still want a future w/u bc i still do. ik i shouldnt have done that cause it may have ruined chances. HELP. why do i do this to myself. i just made it worse in so many ways by sending these texts
j

December 16, 2016 at 4:33 pm

should I not ask about it then? but hes gonna for those yrs…so therse no way he can see her but he can still keep in contact but its limited communication……..but he keeps telling me to move him wrong in 2 yrs so he doesn’t waste his time now thinking ive changed….sowhy would he say that stuff to me if he wasn’t serious with someone
J

December 16, 2016 at 3:28 am

Just found out he hookedup with the girl before he left when he clearly told me shes just a friend so now hes a fuckboy i see… does that ruin my chances in future? Do u think they had smth serious only known each other super short time

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 11:59 am

Dont message him if you’re not that emotionally stable.. We cant know for now if they are really serious.. If they still see or talk to each other over time, it can be..

J

December 15, 2016 at 2:16 pm

i accidentally let my emotions control me and i freaked about that all and telling ppl about us so he will have read that….when hes out should i just message him and ask how he is?
j

December 15, 2016 at 12:06 pm

what about that girl ive been telling u about? should i actually be worried? ik he cant do anything with her cuz hes gone now but what about when hes back or when has a vacation break off? he can see her but not me cause im in a diff country

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 12:26 pm

Worrying never helps.. If worry, you dont accomplish anything

J

December 14, 2016 at 10:59 pm

but he told everyone bad things about me and how he would never get back with me, etc and how i controlled him/neediness, etc. now i get dirty looks from his friends…..idk why i feel this def worsened all my chances in the future. sorry if this is annoying

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 10:35 am

It’s ok.. I understand! But, when did he do that? After you kept pushing right? He was annoyed so, he vented. It did worsened your chances but it wont get better if you focus in regret and what went wrong instead of just changing

Isabel

December 13, 2016 at 1:29 am

(I submitted this comment but something went wrong with my internet connection so I wasn’t sure if it actually submitted so my apologies if you see this exact same comment twice!)

Hello,
I commented a couple weeks ago about the no contact rule and seeing him after the holidays and I read your advice and since then everything was good so far. Well yesterday on snapchat, I was feeling kinda attractive one day and posted a kinda risque snap on my story and he saw it. Part of me wanted to make him jealous and another part of me figured he probably won’t even see it so it doesn’t even matter much because he doesn’t normally get on snapchat. But he saw it and got really angry with me for it. He called, snapped, and texted me asking if I was okay all last night. I didn’t reply to any of it, but I opened the snap this morning. (It was midnight when he tried contacting me so by me ignoring it he could’ve assumed I was sleeping so I wasn’t worried.) Soon after I opened the snap he texted me again confronting me about it sounding a lot more angry this time because it was evident that I was ignoring him. I wouldn’t have replied to it, but he said he was going to block me on social media and my number. If he blocks my number there’s clearly no way I could send a first response text so I broke NC and responded- I wouldn’t have broken it if he didn’t say he’d block me. He was really upset and said he never wanted to even be my friend. He said he was sure we could be friends and we’re also from the same hometown. I called him (which maybe I shouldn’t have) but he said he’d be willing to talk on Friday. What are your thoughts? We were exactly 2 weeks away from the end of our NC, and I got him a Christmas gift that I was going to give to him late.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 7:30 pm

Hi Isabel,

It’s already broken, so might as well meet and talk.

William

December 12, 2016 at 7:43 pm

I dated my gf in Jan 2016 until August or September 2016. We are long distance. I’m in the military, she goes to school in a different state. Both of us went to high school together in a deifferent state though. She came to see me once while we were good, then I came to see her when over the summer in our home town. After we broke up, we starting talking like we used too and we were going to get back together. I went home in nov 2016 and she asked if I could come see her in a different state (16 hours away) while I was home in our home town. At first I didn’t know if I was going to be able to do I said we will see. (ALl of this happened 2-4 weeks before I left.) then i worked a lot and took her for granted and we didn’t talk for about 10 days. She asked if we could call and I said yes illl call when I get off work. I called her but she texted me and said she was going to a movie with some friends. We arranged to call the next day but she was then too tired to talk. So fast forward 3 days…. I’m home on leave, and still haven’t talked. I tried to call her but it’s goes straight to voice mail. I decdied I was going to come see her so I was going to call to let her know. SHe calls me and tells me that she doesn’t want to see me. I get her to call me 2 days later and she’s tell she me about this guy she hasn’t been talking to for 2 weeks (same two weeks before I went on leave where I didn’t hear from her). I’m crushed by this but she tells me she doesn’t know what She wants. SHe tells me she still loves me and that SHe missed me But she doesn’t know what she wants yet. We have it arranged to see each other this January, (3 weeks from now). One of the problems we had is that I took her for granted, and we didn’t talk regularly like we should have. Now she is doing the same thing to me (saying she is too busy and that she will text me when she can) but I’ll get barely any messages throughout any given day. But I can assume she is texting her other guy all the time and I know she is on Facebook almost hourly so she has her phone and she see so my messages. SO this is where my question comes into play… is she just playing with my feelings and leading me on? Or does she really not know what she wants? (I wondering ignore she hasn’t read this article before, because she has done 90% of the things mentioned on here, and being a guy, I can say it worked on me.) I know this is a site for women, and I’m a man, but I’m someone who hasn’t realized their mistakes and I love her More than anything. I would really appreciated input from a girls perspective… thank you.

Dominique

December 19, 2016 at 1:14 am

I’m in a long distance relationship and my BF has been taking me for granted, pushing me away a little, not making an effort – when I confront him he says he’s tired, working, lot on his plate etc .. it’s making me feel worthless and as if our relationship is going to fall apart at any minute (sounds like your gf yeh??) an old school friend started chatting to me on fb and I guess I felt. Flattered so every time BF pushed me away I was compelled to talk to the guy that gave me attention .. wrong but human nature, however he’s asked to meet and will not cross the line – I love my BF and want it to work out more than anything, perhaps that’s what your gf is doing simply looking for ‘attention’ elsewhere? I have been really needy and an aware have been pain in *rse keep asking if still loves me, pulling him up on why don’t give me attention anymore – not proud, so pulling away a bit to give us some space (again what yr gf may be doing?) scared what going to happen, want it to work so bad .. can I ask you how it worked for you? Did it work instantly or take few weeks for u to realise she was pulling away, what was it she did that made u do a u turn and start chasing her instead ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 10:37 pm

Hi William,

She can be getting revenge or she is just really confused because she doesn’t trust you won’t do what you did and she has feelings for the other guy too.

J

December 12, 2016 at 5:29 pm

lol i dont have a chance anymore in future right? Considering he told everyone bad things about me and how we are completely over

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 8:57 pm

Not never.. There is but change first. Don’t waste time thinking if you have a chance or not.

j

December 11, 2016 at 7:23 pm

well he just made a fool out of me, since we both decided to not tell anyone we ended things and to keep it quiet, and recently i didnt say anything to a friend of his & i said we were together still & started going on about how i hope to change for myself not for him, and i found out from someone else that ex told everyone we ended things & talked shit about me. so i just came off as a crazy ex gf that wanted ppl to believe we were still together since i kept promise not to say anything. so basically life is ruined, he did it, he ruined my life. and theres prob no more chances

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 4:56 pm

When did he say not to say it? Maybe he changed his mind, when he was fed up. If you’re really changing yourself, then your life is not ruined because he’s not your life. It’s time to grow and have your own life now. Get to know yourself. So, that when you have a relationship or go back to that one, it would be for the right reasons, not because you need somebody in your life.

Hellen

December 11, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Chris, i have been with my boyfriend for four years but the last two years we have been a long distance relationship. We were fine and we shared a lot of good moments, and am sure he loves me so much. Unfortunately, we had a fight 3 weeks back about communication issues and he broke up with me. He is coming back to my country next week, Do you think he will want to see me after all those two years.?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 11:23 pm

Hi Hellen,

If he’s annoyed with you, have you spent the last weeks focusing in yourself or did you keep reachin

Pretty

December 11, 2016 at 11:34 am

Hi, am going through alot as well, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years but the last 2 years we have been in a long distance relationship, he broke up with me 2 weeks ago because of communication issues, He is coming back to my country this week though. Do u think he will want to talk to me? Because am sure he loves me so much but he is so annoyed with me

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 6:53 pm

Hi Pretty,

If he’s annoyed with you, have you spent the last weeks focusing in yourself or did you keep reaching out to him, making him more annoyed? If he’s still annoyed. Why is he coming back in your country?

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