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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Zoe
June 20, 2014 at 1:11 pm
Great material
Quite outstanding
How long is no contact when a man unequivocally stAtes never contact me again? He said I mean it if you have any respect for me or yourself “never contact me again”…
I am assuming here at least 90 days is a must?
Zoe
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:34 pm
90 days I think would be too long… 30 days is sufficient.
Amy
June 15, 2014 at 11:58 am
Hi,
My ex and I were together for about two years and we broke up mostly due to my behavior – I was not handing it too well and we argued, and he got tired of it. We’ve been broken up for about two to three months, and he is kind of casually dating someone now. I am completely in love with him and would do anything to get him back. He tells me he is confused about his feelings, and that he cares about me a lot but he can’t be with me right now because of the arguing in the past. He tells me he does like this girl but he cares about me more, but he feels bad just finishing her. We sometimes go through stages where we get so close so that whilst nothing physical is going on, it crosses lines of friendship (constant contact, holding hands, flirty and couple-like talk etc), and he acts like and says that he is over the moon about it, and spends so much of his effort, time and energy going into me. Then I get my hopes up but it turns out he is still seeing her and is confused (I do not think he sees their relationship as serious, and as he doesnt want me back right now he sees nothing wrong with continuing to date her. However, he has also said that they may get serious one day – he doesnt know and is confused. Things he says are a mixture of him not wanting to upset me, not wanting to give me hope as he is unsure and what he actually feels etc). I thought us being so close and happy might prove to him that we can get on, and I think it does show it to him as he is more confused now and is considering us again, but it’s too hard for me to be like that in hope that he will change his mind, and it may actually be doing more harm than good. He says he is just stressed and can’t think straight but he is still seeing her occasionally. A big issue is that we work together, but I am leaving the job in a month’s time. I guess I am trying to figure out the best plan for the month that we are working together (continue intense closeness vs just distant friends vs ignoring each other) and also the best way to leave it (he knows how I feel, I have probably been rather pathetic in trying to get him back, so do I leave it with him knowing I still feel that, or do I tell him I have moved on etc). Thank you for your help, Amy.
Lou
June 14, 2014 at 1:23 pm
Hi Chris….I met this Man in 2011. We hit it off great. We had lot in common. He was going through a divorce. We shared everything. Told me a lot about his children (ages 8 and 11)and his life and I told him a lot about my life and my children( 30 and 28) To make a long story short. We weren’t in a relationship. We were very close friends and there for each other. He told me he’s not ready for a relationship. I was OK with that. I wanted to be just be friends with him and be there. He wanted the same.
Back in Dec. 2013 I was going through some heavy issues. I noticed right after Thanksgiving he wasn’t himself, also. I called he didn’t answer. I text. Nothing. So I left him alone. As of this day(6 months) Nothing. Haven’t heard from him. A friend of his who I know told me he isn’t himself, very withdrawn and he said my number has been blocked( I haven’t tried calling him) Maybe my behavior during the issue’s I had, he couldn’t handle got scared and I scared him off? I was really the only one he talked to, other then his family. I found out he got a new vehicle, and moved to another location. He didn’t wish me Happy Holidays….Nothing!
I have not called, text,. I changed my schedule, my days off so I won’t see him. To me good friends don’t do this. I really want to talk to him about this. Do I wait? I know his schedule at work. Do I meet him there after work? or do I just let it go and move on. Could there be someone else?
I always gave him perfect advice, there for him, and helped him, and cared.
Any advice would be helpful.
Thank You….
admin
June 15, 2014 at 5:58 pm
So, the two of you were never offical.
Were you two ever physical?
Heather
June 14, 2014 at 3:27 am
HI THERE!! My boyfriend and I have been together for just under 8 years. We have struggled on and off for the past 2 due to a lot of my mistakes but I know my EX still loves me. We have 2 children we co parent and have to exchange interaction about the kids and money some. I am doing my absolute best at the No Contact rule but it is impossible to do completely no contact. I have definitely withdrawn a LOT of my interaction with him. I no longer call to chat or discuss….no longer text hardly anything and don’t reply to his “Fishing” for me to reply texts. However we do have to interact some. Some tips and pointers how to pull this off would definitely help. I just started this 4 days ago. Thank you!!
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:19 pm
Right now just do your best to keep yourself busy and keep your mind off of him as much as you can.
Aliice
June 11, 2014 at 10:42 pm
please help me, my boyfriend and I dated for a month, then left me for his ex who doesn’t treat him well.. do these tricks work in my case?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm
They can.
Aliice
June 16, 2014 at 8:09 pm
is there a chance he loved me?
Catherine
June 9, 2014 at 5:13 am
Hi Chris,
this may be a dumb question to ask, but my ex boyfriend and I broke up due to him moving back to his hometown. I cut the communication after we broke up and he left (about four days ago), but he told me that he was going to be back in town in a couple weeks and would see if I wanted to meet up, but that he “wasn’t going to expect a response from me” since he knew I wanted to stop talking. If and when he contacts me, should I just ignore him completely? If not, what should I say to him?
admin
June 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm
I think so… If you are in NC.
beingnonsense
May 27, 2014 at 9:09 am
Please help! My ex was a mistreating immature jerk in the end so I wanted to get back at him, hurt him a lot, ashamed myself. He ignored me. I try NC, at the end he ignores. One month later I find he uses fb, I friend him he accepts, two days later blocks me. (???) I am getting in with more mature more goodlooking guys, but still not bf. The case is I still vote on my ex, I am silly. He was nice in the beginning.
admin
May 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm
Why do you want him back if he is a mistreating immature jerk?
beingnonsense
May 27, 2014 at 3:30 pm
I am quite confused the first it was very good, then he became rude once. Got me uncomfortable situations in front of others, wanted me to pay, ignoring staff like this. He never made it clear, I think I did something wrong, he changed from very good to very bad suddenly.
Susan
May 27, 2014 at 1:52 am
How do you do the no contact, regret and the rest when you still live together. Although in separate parts of the house, passing each other as if you don’t exist. He has even started to date an other woman. So I simply don’t say anything, not a single word. The only time we talk is about getting the rest of my things out of the apartment, when i am leaving (and no he cant wait till I am gone and he has “his life back”) or about other official business matters. That is it…nothing more nothing less. He is very stubborn and very angry. so it is really easier not to talk. please advise
admin
May 27, 2014 at 2:38 pm
Limited contact is what you have to do probably. Be very respectful.
Sarah
May 25, 2014 at 3:22 pm
Hey Chris!
It’s Sarah 🙂 The advertising, singer, graphic designer…back with a question about a new boy.
So my previous relationship really jacked me up in the head…I went 4 months and met this amazing guy and got into the relationship with him earlier than I should have because I still was really hurt and angry with my ex, Adam.
This new guy showered me with affection and love and it made me a little scared because it made me feel vulnerable again. One night, after 5 months of dating, I made a rash decision and broke up with him because I was scared of being hurt again and it was just starting to get serious (he was going to meet my parents in a couple weeks). Well the next day he came by and we talked, he said he had no idea what he would have done to make me want to leave, I accused him of having commitment issues (which I obviously have now…hindsight is 20/20). He cried while I held him and said he doesn’t understand why he hurt me and felt guilty because he never wanted to make me feel anything less than amazing. We decided to let the relationship go.
I came to a big realization that it was my fault…I had trust issues along with a slew of others that effect all my life, not just my relationships. I took 2 full weeks of NC and decided I wanted to talk to him to apologize. I sent him a message about a book he gave me and he sent a bunch back telling me I was on his mind a lot lately and wanted to know if I was okay…we ended up talking that night and asked me to explain things that I’ve come to since the breakup. I explained everything and we had a great chat…he said I am incredible, showered me with tons of praise and knows I can reach my full potential with a lot of inner growth. We ended up meeting up that night and I was greeted with a huge warm hug. We chatted a ton, laughed a ton, and eventually he pulled me in for a huge kiss and we kissed a lot. Then he said it, “can we make love for one last time?” and I said no. I told him that’s not why I came over and he apologized profusely. We then started talking about the possibility getting back together after some space and he was so hesitant saying that he wants to make sure that we both grow and give each other space to grow as individuals, but not expect anything after. (mind you I did not cry once during this whole night) He then said he didn’t know what to do, he was confused. He said I am amazing and beautiful and he has an attraction to me he’s never felt with anyone else, but he isn’t confident that I’m at the point where I need to be in my life to be everything I need to be for myself. I admitted that I have issues with attention because I feel like I’m not enough for people so I am a performer and constantly overwhelm myself with parties and friend things…He told me he was worried that once things started getting stale in the relationship that I would seek out attention from other men and really worried about my attention seeking and people pleasing. I told him that I realized that about myself and don’t want to live my life that way anymore and start sticking up for myself by not seeking attention or validation from people.
Anywho, he said that if things happen again, it will be naturally and I agreed. I asked if we should meet up once in a while if it feels right and he said that it would be fine but too regimented would make things too hard. He said “we were talking for 15 minutes and I couldn’t keep my hands off of you…it’s gonna be way too hard if we have this loose hang out once in a while but not really thing” We ended the night with a bunch of kisses and no real definition of anything.
He kept clutching on to me when I was trying to leave and pulling me into a kiss. He watched me walk to my car and had this really sad look on his face and watched me drive away with his hand against the window. *so movie* lol.
Anyway….I haven’t texted him or called him or anything since then. My friend Liz said he made an OKcupid profile the next night and was on it all night (Saturday night) and alerted me of it because she didn’t know we had broken up and thought it was weird. She also said she sent him a message saying, “Just want you to know I know you are on here.” He knows we know each other and work together, but doesn’t know that we talk all that much..she’s not like a “good good friend” or anything. The voice of his profile wasn’t very typical of him and he was kinda talking like a woman on that site like “things I cannot live without…love,” “i’m not one for small talk, so lets dig in deep right away”…stuff that is so not him. Like, hook line and sinker to get female attention.
I took it as a, he’s confused….desperate for attention from women so he can feel like he’s making the right decision or regain some sort of ego.
So, I was thinking about maybe going another 15-30 days of NC and then trying it all over again with the texts, except…now keeping the past the past, no talk of about getting back together and using his attraction to me as an up. If he does want to meet up, keep him dangling instead of making out like we did.
This is so weird because I dumped him initially because of MY commitment issues and now he’s saying he thinks I need to figure my shit out…it’s like the tables are reversed. But not totally.
What do you think? Did I ruin it? We were laughing and hugging and kissing, no ill feelings when I left Friday. But now, I lost power I think.
admin
May 27, 2014 at 2:20 pm
He is probably afraid that you won’t commit to him and that makes him hesitatnt. Thats where his commitment issues are comign from.
Sarah
May 26, 2014 at 8:59 am
Uh, update. I told his friend why we broke up, that I broke up with him and regret it and now we realized we need to grow on our own apart…his friend ran to him and told him that I said I broke up with him. He texted me and said “Are you telling people you broke up with me? Real nice. I was honest and respectful with you Sarah.”
So confused…
Marina
May 23, 2014 at 8:03 pm
Ok, I have done 30 days of no contact rule, I texted him (as I saw here on this page – atb and bor (Michael Fiore’s program)). He always respondes in polite way but jesus what to do next?? He never texted me first but last time he seemd happy to hear me but what what what to do next?
admin
May 25, 2014 at 2:16 pm
Keep advancing things. Make sure you keep getting in deeper and deeper conversations with him.
Marina
May 25, 2014 at 8:42 pm
I understand that but how to do that? I don’t feel great if I always have to be the one who texts first. I don’t want him to feel that I became boring and that he can have me whenever he wants… P.S. Thanks for the answer 🙂
admin
May 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm
Usually the best way to get him to text first is by becomign so interesting in conversations he will want more.
Red
May 22, 2014 at 12:59 am
Chris, I just wanted to say that in times I waver, I just reread all your articles again… it really helps me stay strong!
admin
May 22, 2014 at 4:04 pm
Thanks! Hopefully I can keep writing things that can do that for you.
Thalia
May 20, 2014 at 11:48 pm
Hello, i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. Its been 5 months. Almost 2 weeks ago he said he thinks he is not ready for a commitment due to money problems and i went all crazy on him. His mother had an influence on his thoughts. Now i was really surprised of what he said because he was the clingy one in the relationship and used to tell me he will die if we break up and he cant imagine his life without me. I even once broke up with him and he had a panic attack! Now one thing u should know about him is that he has an attitude and is stubborn ( by how i see him with other people) not with me. Problems started arising with my parents after he said he thinks he is not ready yet due to money problems.. After that i broke up with him and told him i cant be with someone unstable and doubting us. He ignored my breakup text for a week. I texted him again telling him to atleast acknowledge what i said and say something. He replied that he sees no future for us and that we will have a miserable life if we continue (which was a shock because he used to be so desperate during our relationship, and he is a very sensitive person i dont know why and how he was able to do this). Not only that, i asked to talk to him on the phone for one last time and he refused. He said this is the last time i hear from him. I then texted him after two days that i miss him and that i remember our days and i need my bestfriend and so on.. He didnt reply. And he Blocked me on facebook and whatsapp! After two days, i went crazy and messaged him told him how could u be so heartless and do this to me i know u still have me in your heart deep inside and other things.. Blaming him.. He still didnt reply.. I really dont understand what is going on with this guy and why the hell he is doing this and how he can do this to me!
admin
May 21, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Make sure you visit my LDR before asking a question first.
Thalia
May 21, 2014 at 6:07 pm
What is ldr?
admin
May 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm
Long distance Relationship
Lady
May 20, 2014 at 9:04 pm
Hi Chris =)
I was wondering if you could tell me your perspective in my case:
Me and my boyfriend have been toghether for 2 years and were pretty serious, talking marriage for a near future (particularly HE talked about that). He admired me since I was 15years old (I was the ungettable girl)and when we started dating at 29 it was like a dream come true. In the last 3 weeks I found myself thinking if he was a little distant (not much though) and since not long ago everything was great I thought it was stress from work. My mistake, 5 days ago he didn’t call or text me for a whole day and when I asked what was wrong he said he couldn’t take it anymore and was not feeling well or happy in this relationship. I called him and he broke up with me saying he didn’t love me anymore and that he fears I will not be a good partner for him in the future for some reasons that I don’t find fair (I think he has a wrong ideia about me in some aspects). Before saying goodbye I said this couldn’t end via phone call and that we had to see each other in person if nothing more to end things in a. I haven’t said a word to him since then until today that he agreed that I call him to schedule a meeting. I’m willing to move on but I can see a happy future toghether and really think he spoke too fast and may regret it (though I don’t know if he will be too stubburn to admit it).
Can i get your perspective Chris? Would really appreciate it =)
Thanks!
admin
May 21, 2014 at 2:27 pm
NC definitely and I have a feeling he will regret his decision to break up with you down the road.
Lady
May 21, 2014 at 4:41 pm
Thank you Chris =) I will try it. It will be difficult, because I know we will see each other 1 day a week in church, but I will try to improve myself and do the NC.
I’ll keep you posted.
admin
May 22, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Definitely do.
Lady
May 21, 2014 at 9:50 am
updating: I called him yesterday as he agreed and he didn’t answer and then I texted saying: “I called but you are not home yet. tell me when you are.” and he didn’t say a thing.
I don’t know what to think.
Really, really wanted to talk in person to resolve things.
Amanda
May 16, 2014 at 4:07 pm
Hi, so I had been dating my boyfriend for 16 months, we are both in high school and have been long distance the whole time because he went to a pirate school in a different state for football. He always said that no matter what he would stay with me through the hard times. But then he got a call from a football coach saying e would be gone all summer training and I am going to a different college than him, he called me crying saying he loved me but couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t even wanna talk it out. I didn’t text him for a week and I broke down and texted him today. I have no idea what to do. He comes home in a week and I just don’t feel like it’s really over but I don’t know how to not text him.
admin
May 20, 2014 at 8:32 pm
What is a pirate school?
Does captain jack Sparrow teach?
What makes you feel that it’s over?
j
May 15, 2014 at 9:29 pm
I’ve been on this site sporadically for the last 8 months, and have finally got the ENDING needed to want to move past my break-up with my ex.
We broke up. I did everything to get him back – desperate, needy – everything. I shot myself in the foot. Anyway, the last time we were in continuous contact was January.
Then, there was No Contact for like 4 months, and I have discovered that he has got back with his ex girlfriend. The one who supposedly wasn’t a problem.
I won’t lie, I sent him a text to “call him out” on it, wished him the best. He accepted the well wishes and told me to ‘look after myself’. A sent a few texts, after that, but decided that I wanted more and told him that I was moving on, as I realise that I deserve someone who is physically, emotionally and spiritually available.
He didn’t text me back. This is ok for me, I am not really bothered about anything else that he says to me.
However, I am finding that despite the fact that I want to get over the relationship… like with my whole heart, I am somewhat obsessed with obtaining justice for the bad things that he did to me, and the fact that he got back with his ex.
So, I have looked at his Twitter page a few times (and his ex/gf’s) and it’s funny to see that the issues I had with him, seem to be playing out in their current relationship – I laugh.
But, I don’t want that to be my source of amusement or something that makes me feel happy. I don’t want to wish for the demise of their relationship, I do still think about a day when he comes over to my house, and he says that he ‘made a mistake’, but that is not a guarantee; and given that, I do not want to wait on it.
The good thing is that my life is picking up now, I am soon to graduate and I am having a number of employers contact me to arrange job interviews.
I am on my way back up, and I am slowly gaining momentum. I am just annoyed a little bit that he cannot see this; because I want to make him regret his actions.
There are times when I wish we were still friends, but all of the lies that were told to me (granted – I was sometimes naive) really prohibit that. I guess that is even a good thing because I do not have any desire to reach out to him.
I just feel like I am clinging on to obtaining justice and seeing his demise, and I don’t like the way that feels. This is difficult, how do I manage this?
admin
May 20, 2014 at 5:47 pm
Have you read my guide on getting over an ex? I think that may be very helpful for you.
EB
May 15, 2014 at 2:49 pm
Hi Chris,
I have a feeling I might be a bit older than the average reader here. I’m in my mid 30s and was talking to a guy in his late 30s for 5 months. I’ve never been married before, but he’s been divorced for a few years (his ex cheated on him). We went from talking every day to him stopping that & apologizing for not texting, saying things were really bad for him and that I should know it didn’t have anything to do with me, it was all his fault. I knew then that he needed space, and tried to give it to him, but after going that long talking to him every day, I missed him. Plus, I was worried about him. I waited about 2 weeks, texted him just to say I hoped things were getting better, no response. I sent a couple more text messages within a week, and in the last one said that if he wasn’t still interested, he should just tell me. He finally responded and said things just weren’t going to work out. He said he would call me, but didn’t, so we ended up discussing it via text. He said that things had come up that hit too close to home with his past & he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. I wanted to tell him I would wait until he was ready, but didn’t want to say it via text, so I got a little pushy about talking to him on the phone about it. He just stopped responding all together. I waited for a month and then sent him a letter apologizing for being so pushy with him. I didn’t ask him to do anything, except for saying that I hoped he could forgive me. I sent the letter about 6 weeks ago and have not tried to contact him at all. I know you would likely recommend at this point that I should text him, but he is a really, really old-school guy and I don’t think he would respond well to it. He doesn’t live super far away from me, but far enough that he’s not someone I have much chance of running into often. I will likely see him in a few months, and am hoping that I’ll be able to say “hi” to him and that maybe that’s the best chance I have of another shot with him. I’m just curious your thoughts on this.
admin
May 20, 2014 at 5:26 pm
Do you think the divorce had anything to do with his insecurities in the relationship or the way he approached the relationship.
EB
June 23, 2014 at 10:14 pm
I think it had a lot to do with the way he approached the relationship.
EB
August 12, 2014 at 6:44 pm
Chris, could you please give me some further thoughts on this? I will likely be running into him sometime in the next week, and am curious how to deal with the interaction, plus, still just want your thoughts in general to what I said a few months ago. Thanks so much.
Elle
May 15, 2014 at 2:39 pm
Hi! Glad I bumped into this page but I hope you’d reply me. Well my ex dumped me because we’re both having different priorities now. But he says he is still trying to get over me and the thing is, I think he’s doing a pretty good job at it. Like he says there was nothing wrong with me and all and that he will never meet someone like me but he left me because he had to. And I see why. He has so many things to occupy himself with, friends and all to get over me. But I have a strict schedule in college that I have to
Follow , I get bored of it so I think of him all the time. Do you think he’s over me? What can get him to get me back since I know we can still fix things but he didn’t see it?? It was very sudden and random. But he seems happy now and I dont like it. Pls help.
admin
May 20, 2014 at 5:22 pm
Hi Elle,
How long ago was the breakup?
emma
May 10, 2014 at 1:08 am
Hey, so i need help bad! My ex and i was together 5 years and i loved him sooo much. one day out of nowhere he breaks up with me and tells me he doesnt fell the same too leave him alone! of course im young and dumb and didnt know anything about break ups. I made the mistake of begging him for a year strait. Now we have been apart a year and 3 months and im applying the no contact rule but he seems too not even care! use too be when he knew i was mad he’s catch me alone and fix things..now he wont even look at me since ive been ignoring him..i REALLY love him and i miss how happy we where and how good everything was and how comfortable i felt!at the moment he is single but for some reason doeesnt want me, im very intelligent and decent looking but yet im not good enough anymore! i need help! please help me get my man back!!!
admin
May 12, 2014 at 5:18 pm
What have you done from this guide so far?
Marina
May 2, 2014 at 3:47 pm
Ok, maybe this time I will have more lucky to get my email back 🙂
I have only one question. I’m at my 22th day of no contact rule and I know what to do after
(how to contact him, what to text him etc..), but what to do after this first contact?
What if he doesn’t contact me after I contacted him for the first time after “no contact? Do I have
to be the first again to text him and how long do I have to wait for it and what to text than?
I hope this time I will get you answer back because I don’t want to screw all the work up.
Thank you very much in advance
admin
May 6, 2014 at 6:47 pm
I will answer.
Sorry I have been on vacation for the past week.
No big deal if he doesn’t contact you contact him. Just wait a week and try again.
kiki
April 29, 2014 at 1:02 pm
Hey Chris,
I’ll try to make this short – I broke up with my bf 10 days ago. We had a huge fight and I told him we probably should not speak to each other anymore and he said ok. Next day I felt bad and contacted him. I actually left a classy msg on his vm (this was before I discovered you Chris, so i’m overjoyed you endorse the classy msg) and began NC. However, his first text to me on day 10 was “i still love you” and at first I was giving the evil, “winning” laugh! He sent the text at lunchtime, but by nighttime, I had melted. One of our biggest issues is that he was pissed that I never make enough time for him and I felt bad about not answering so I did. I sent him a 7 sec vid – I didn’t say a thing, just flirted a bit with my eyes. He responded immediately with a few of those googly heart eyes emoticons and the conversation was over. Was that too much? I know i’m not supposed to respond at all during NC, but knowing one of our biggest issues was him chasing me b/c I was unavailable all the time, I decided to give some kind of response. Is there a difference Btwn being a UG and not always making time for him, and are my chances of making him feel regret about losing me, over? Oh, by the way, during our relationship, I NEVER initiate texts with him so I don’t suppose he’s waiting for me to say something