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Red
May 13, 2016 at 5:01 am
The guy and I were dating. We dated for almost 6 months and then he told me he isn’t ready. I broke off though I was praying for him to come back. He did come, crossed a country for me, and I refused and refused but finally I forgave him and agreed for a relationship. Now after 4 months of a relationship, he told me again he has so much to take care of, he can’t live up to my expectations. He admitted it was wrong of him to come back in the first place but deep down I know he doesn’t regret it. For one month, I was trying to bring down my expectations and be casual. But if I even initiate a convo, he names it as an expectation. And yesterday he told me I’m expecting again so he wants to quit.
Is there any way I can make him realise he is doing wrong and regret it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:35 am
Hi Red,
Live your best life.. that’s the only way he would regret leaving you.
REM
May 3, 2016 at 8:10 pm
I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been doing nc for about 3 weeks besides a text that was friendly and simple but it’s killing me inside. Me and him are both going to prom with different people and I just miss him so much and I want to be with him again but idk if I should wait till after prom before I contact him or try to talk to him more before prom so we can hangout there. I miss him so much I get sick to my stomach and cry myself to sleep I really don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 12:35 pm
Hi Rem,
was the text before 3 weeks of nc? and have you been active in improving yourself during nc? if yes, then you can try to to initiate contact before prom.
REM
May 1, 2016 at 1:03 pm
So after a year of dating, my boyfriend and I slowly started getting distant because baseball started for him and track and work took up a majority of my schedule. Eventually we barely hung out and I understood he was genuinely busy because of colleges, baseball, and having guy time with his friends. But eventually it got to the point where the love he gave to me was vanishing and I became very needy and sad. I would always mention how things were different and he apologized and said he would work on it better. Eventually I said we needed a break to breathe and figure things out which he disagreed and said we could work it out. About 2 weeks later we got into another argument and I texted him saying “do you want to break up” and he said “no I don’t want to hurt you” and I said again “do you want to break up” and he said “no I just want a break, this doesn’t mean it’s done forver it’s not the end of the world”. So basically I got upset this time because of how serious and set on this break he was. I texted him constantly for a few days which I know was a bad idea but he kept saying “I’m always going to be here for you you’re my best friend I can’t just stop talking to you like that, but a break is what I need, I don’t want any other girls I just need a break from having s girlfriend in general”. And so we talked on the phone, got everything out and he genuinely seemed like we would be together again. Suddenly prom tickets were going to be on sale and he said he didn’t know if he wanted to go with me because everything was confusing right now. He told me I should go with my friends because he thinks I would have a better time with them and he said he wasn’t sure if he was going to go but if he did he would ask another girl. He told me we should be friends for awhile and he doesn’t know if he’ll be ready to get back with me anytime soon but he doesn’t know what could happen in a few months and after baseball season. The next day he asked a girl to prom who he doesn’t really know (she’s not a threat, very nice underclassmen girl) just so he would have a date. I got so upset because I would be there with my friends while he would be with his date and it made me so mad. A senior boy then asked me to prom and i said yes because one it would make him jealous and two I would have sometime to take nice pics with and just have a good time with a friend. When my ex found out about the senior he deleted all our pictures except for one from prom last year and unfollowed me on Instagram and Twitter. It literally broke me because I feel like there is no way of getting back together because he unfollowed me. In school we don’t talk at all and barely make eye contact but when we do it’s sad and we both kinda look down. I texted him the other day (it’s been like 3 weeks since the breakup) just to ask how baseball was going and he responded within 30 seconds and sent long paragraphs about it and asked me how track was going. The convo lasted 30 minutes and I told him I had to go to bed and I’d see him the next day. The next day we sat in class and we both ignored each other no matter any circumstance. I feel like it is a game and I really do want him back. He’s my best friend and it sucks because I talked to him every single day but now I don’t. And I’ve been going out more than usual with my friends and having a great time with them but I have moments where I just get sad and miss him so much. He’s also been tweeting/ posting snapchat stories more than usual than when we were dating. Not posting anything about girls just stuff in general. I don’t know what the best thing is to get him back or if he even misses me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 3:33 pm
Hi Rem,
do nc first..am and try to improve other aspects of your life and go out with your friends more..be active in posting in social media and also after that nc..start with being freindly in person
Pooja
April 30, 2016 at 1:35 pm
So here’s my story. I had been dating a guy for a year now. We had a healthy fun filled relationship. Though it was ldr, we were doing good. But all of a sudden, one day he called to tell me he slept with someone and hence not sure of his feelings towards me. I don’t know what went wrong suddenly. Please help!
Pooja
May 2, 2016 at 11:59 am
We broke up in march. I have not contacted him since. He texted twice in these two months saying that I shouldn’t keep thinking about it and that I should move on in life, because he wants to see me happy. He said he was sorry for what he did and also wanted to know what am I upto. He keeps posting on social media hinting that he misses what we had but I am not sure if he is really sincere.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 3:04 pm
if you’re not sure, that means he’s not doing enough to secure you.. were you active in improving yourself during nc? If not you should do so now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Hi Pooja,
when did you break up? are you doing no contact?
T
April 28, 2016 at 8:05 am
Alright so below I’m going to set up a little timeline:
Last Sunday, No Contact finished, so I decided to send an interesting text… no response.
So the next day, I send a heartfelt message saying how I apologize again for how things went down and that I wanted to start over and sent hopeful wishes that his semester is going well. He responds and thanks me, says he’s preparing for finals in a few weeks, and asks how I’m doing.
So later on that day or the next day (I forget), I respond say I’m doing well and ask how his work has been. No response.
So the next day I say you should listen to this song, I think you’d like it. He responds and says he’ll check it out.
So then I skip a day because it was the third day and respond the next day (Friday, saying how I really like the album and I ask how he’s been), no response.
So the next day I try and reinitiate conversation, nothing.
Sunday, try and reinitiate the conversation with a funny picture, nothing.
So then I take a 2 day break, ask how his weekend was and nothing.
I’m pretty sure I implemented the thing wrong. In hindsight I should have lengthened the response a bit more to seem like I’m busier. I know that he is like all about school and focuses heavily on it, so perhaps he doesn’t have time to invest in this like he wants to until after finals, but I don’t know. He might still be a little sore about how it ended as well. Today he changed his profile, cover, and relationship status to nothing like how I have mine (it took him 2 months post break up to change it, but he’s hardly on FB, so I’m not thinking it’s that big a deal). A part of me thinks he’s doing this to see if I will react like testing to see if I’ll like it, so he knows how much I like him like it says in one of the posts on here. I did not like the pictures because I don’t want him to think that about me.
Is it too late for me? Do I have another chance to redeem myself? My new plan is to recuperate, wait a couple weeks, and then message him saying “Hopefully I send this at the right time, but good luck on your finals!”
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 7:48 am
I like your plan try that.. and then after that if he responded, reply back after 30 minutes later.. and then end the convo in the next text..
Cate
April 26, 2016 at 4:21 pm
My boyfriend of six months dumped me a few days ago because he didn’t fall in love with me, but he said he loves me and cares about me. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was close. And I can absolutely picture life with him, but also without. I just really want life with him. He kind of ghosted on me two weeks before he dumped me, but before that everything was amazing. I made the mistake of texting him yesterday congratulating him on his new house and what not, but I’m going to try the no contact for 30 days from today.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:09 am
Hi Cate,
that’s good.. be active in improving youself.. if you mean he fell out of love, that means he lost attraction..
Mags
April 25, 2016 at 3:20 pm
Hi,
I don’t know if I can call him my ex boyfriend because we didn’t exactly date but let me tell you my story. So, last year about this time I started liking a guy, let’s call him Τ. T is 26 and I’m 20. T was cousins with a guy I had an one night stand with so I thought it would be weird is I had a relationship with T and I didn’t try anything. About at the end of June we met at a bar and we started talking. We knew before who was who because we live in a small town. He added me on Facebook and we talked there a few times, we met again without arraging it though and we teased each other. When he’s cousin came back for a week we weren’t that close but when he was gone we were back on track. I was going to leave on October so I decided to tell him I like him and so I did. I tried to meet up with him and tell him but he always canceled. I think he understood before hand and he was scared to hear it. So when I saw him at the bar we met, I told him. He said nothing about it besides why I didn’t tell him earlier and a few days later we were at a bar each one on his own and he texted me to say he liked me too but he was scared of the distance (because I was leaving) because he just got out of a long distance relationship at the start of the summer. A couple of days later I tried to meet up with him and he canceled again so I got pissed and showed it to him. I left to go to University and about two weeks later I got back to my home town for the weekend and I finally got him to meet up. We talked and I said I wanted to try it and see were it goes but he refused saying he already tried long distance (the distance though is about an hour away) and he thought it wouldn’t work again. After that, even though I told him I won’t give up, I stopped giving him my attention and trying. About 2-3 weeks later he started liking whatever I posted on facebook, not everything but it was more than he showed all this time. I got back for Christmas and a friend that was his friend too told him he was about to make a move. All that time that friend tried to help him overcome his fears and we all thought he did. He made the move and kissed me. Everything was awesome for two days. We texted all day long and we met once outside his house for a quick kiss because he just came from work. The next day he didn’t text me good morning. I texted him at noon and he texted me back hours later saying he was sleeping all day. I told him to come with me and my friends for coffee but he was already out so we said to meet up later. He said he would text me when. I waited and waited and waited and when he finally texted he told me not to go and that he couldn’t do something he wasn’t sure about and that it wasn’t my fault. I snaped and spoke with bad language to him and told him that I thought he wasn’t a man as I thought that he didn’t have the balls to say it to my face and blah blah. He didn’t answer the next day when I called him to meet up and discuss this so I went to find him. I asked him to tell me why he did this and he said I didn’t deserve to know because I spoke to him badly. When I asked him why he did kiss me if he wasn’t sure about it he said that he wanted to be sure and now he is. I told him that if he regrets it not to come find me ’cause I will be long gone and he said he won’t. He also said he tried as I asked him to and he couldn’t do it. So I told him that two days isn’t trying,it’s just spending his time so he isn’t bored and left. After one more time I accidently saw him we didn’t see each other or talked to each other for about a month and a half. I saw him again one more time but he didn’t even turn to look at me. After that we didn’t saw each other for about a month and a half again. About two weeks ago I went to the hospital and when he learned about it from a common friend he showed he cared about me for the first time, not to me though, to our friend. Now I’m in my home town for the holidays and I walked by his shop a couple of days ago with some friends. We stopped a little further to take something to eat and we saw him crossinf the street twice looking our way. Later I found out from my best friend that happens to be sisters with his best friend that her sister asked her a lot all that time when I was going to go to my home town and that means he asked. Even though I am still in love with him I don’t want him back right now but eventually I will, I just want him to realise he did wrong and what he lost and come back begging. What should I do? I’m not willing to text him ’cause I don’t want him to think I’m still all over him ’cause I worked hard all this time I was away to be fine with out him and to not want him back, to do my own things and I managed to do good. What should I do? My bff told me to be friendly but not to much, distant but not mean and not to show my feelings to him. She says that when I meet him I should said hi and even talk to him a little, just the basics. What do you think? I want him to realise what he lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 5:42 am
Hi Mags,
your friend is right.. all you need to add is continue maintaining and improving yourself.. so he will see what he lost and just don’t chase him again…
Cycy
April 25, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hey. I was in a relationship for 3 years. Lately we’ve been fighting over everything and one day the fight was large and he told me the doesnt love me like before and he wants to break up. The first 1 month, there was no contact between us but he felt that I want him back from my posts on facebook and told my friends that he doesnt want me back. When I knew I stopped my posts on facebook and deleted our pictures and deleted his number from my whatsapp so I show him that I dont care. I did this for 3 weeks after that he called me because he knew that my father is in hospital so I sounded cool. He kept on posting stuff such as missing her and hurt as my friends told me and he started liking my photos on facebook… so after 3 weeks i taled to him on whatsapp and told him thay i saw him in my dreams having a car accident and wanted to make sure his ok…so we chatted and laughed a little bit…after few days I sent him an apology message about how I reacted in our last fight and he replied telling me that I shouldnt apologize because he knows that we were stressed and that he apologizes too…after one day of this conversation my friend told me that when they went to see him a month ago he showed him a girl’s pic and asked them if she’s pretty( although she means ntg i guess to him because he told him later that he’s not giving her any attention) so I got mad and decided that I won’t try to get him back so I deleted him from my facebook and erased his number and unfollowed him on instagram…but he keeps liking my pics on instagram on a daily basis and yesterday he knew that my father’s health is getting worse to he wrote me on whatsapp ” Hi” but I didnt reply…. I need an explanation…whats happening and what to do…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 5:11 am
Hi Cycy,
maybe he made it clear to your friends that she means nothing because he doesn’t want you to think that way.. don’t you want to talk to him first? If you’re not ready that’s okay too.. take your time and then slowly get to talking again to each other later on..
Shannon
April 25, 2016 at 7:53 am
My ex boyfriend and I have been hanging out on and off since we broke up in January. I have done about 21 days of no contact and then we met and hooked up. After that I did another period of NC for 28 days and we continue to see one another and hook up each time. I typically see him once every 1-2 weeks. Last week was my birthday and he agreed to take me out. We had an amazing time going to a romantic dinner, walk along the pier, and then a bar for drinks and games. We then spent the whole night cuddling. A few days later we hung out again and I spent two nights in a row with him and during the day we hung out with friends and went to a nice dinner. After dinner he drank alot(which used to happen frequently) and he said he thinks we are hanging out too often and that I want something he doesn’t want. He has told me in the past that he doesn’t see a future with me. I am confused because when we are together we act like a couple; hold hands, kiss, cuddle, like nothing has changed. He even tells me he is trying to get his work done so he can see me(he has a very demanding job). I wonder if actions speak louder than words in this situation aka he has been spending time with me and last weekend he told me after we hung out that he was doing it because he knew I’ve been wanting him to spend time with me like that. Also he said that it was his last weekend to have fun before work got crazy again and he chose to spend it with me. Are these good signs or am I reading too much into it because of the comments he made about not wanting to be together even though he was drunk but has said that soberly in the past?
I feel like I should say that we broke up in January because of a situation with his ex from three years ago and he told me about a month ago he was still in love with her and he has never told me he loves me. She cheated on him and he was going to propose and she still calls him once in awhile. I honestly don’t feel like him and I have had a fair chance at a relationship and he is afraid of getting close to someone again because I might hurt him. I fear that I come off too needy because I usually initiate conversation even though he always texts me back. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 9:11 pm
Hi Shannon,
It think everything went too fast.. I know this sounds redundant but sleeping too early with will really have an impact.. He may have liked being with you but he still doesn’t see you as somebody he needs to commit to, probably because he knows you like him… It’s like you were able to build rapport but failed to establish being the ungettable girl but if he still talks with his ex, that might also be one of the factors.. it can mean he’s still not over her.. I think it’s time you move on and if he still wants to see you be more cautious now. Don’t sleep with him. Make him work for you so, that you won’t turn up to be his rebound girl.
Whitney
April 24, 2016 at 8:28 pm
Me and my boyfriend have only been together a little over a month but when we met it was like we were instantly best friends and couldn’t get enough of each other. we both love doing the same things and spent every spare moment we had together but 3 weeks into the relationship we both started getting busy and he didn’t want to spend his spare time with me anymore, even if he did spend it with me I could tell he would rather me just leave. I know he likes hanging out with me and he really cares about me but he has never had a girlfriend before because he never could find someone he liked enough. I think I should have given him more space and was a little clingy because he was my best friend and I wanted to make him happy and I though hanging out with him made him happy when really I think he just wanted his space. He told me he didn’t want to break up with me because of the way he feels about me and he doesn’t want to regret it but he isn’t sure if he likes being in a relationship, so we decided to take a break so he can see if he wants to be with me or not. I want him back and am not sure how to make him feel like he wants to be with me or to regret leaving me. I didn’t know if the no contact rule would be something I should use here or if I should try and tell him that I will change since it is hard to show him because we don’t just run into each other all that often. I am just not sure how to address the situation but i know we are perfect for eachother and really want him back. thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Hi Whitney,
show him through your social media posts..Give him space and then have fun by yourself. Go out and do new activities. Improve yourself so when he sees your posts he’ll miss you
Anne
April 20, 2016 at 1:49 pm
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me about a week ago. He’s 40 and realized he doesn’t know what he wants in life; which left me extremely confused and hurt. I’m sticking to the no contact rule as best I can because he’s in the process of moving his things out so he will let me know when he is coming over. My problem is that I graduate in a few weeks and couldn’t imagine not having him there when I walk across the stage. I was thinking about contacting him and asking if he would come, but I don’t want to be set back by all of the progress I have made by cutting off contact with him. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 7:28 am
Hi Anne,
how many days are you in no contact one week at your graduation?
Ashley
April 17, 2016 at 12:52 pm
This is my story, please I need answers and I miss him so much. We met 2 years ago our friends had set us up we talked and just fell in love he was always be there for me like when my grandma went to the hospital he would come he would come and surprise me he just do anything to make me happy. I miss him dearly. He promised me one day at the park he went down on one knee he took my hand and said I promise I will be with you and I’ll always love you. One day he even cried for me saying I hope u don’t leave me. This went on for a year and 3 months, we broke up because he was saying he needs space his feelings were just trying to change him i was devastated we broke up for 3 months we started to hang out and he started calling me and telling me how much he missed me and started bringing up all the memories we eventually got back. So 4 to almost 5 we got back together it became 1 year and 10 months we are together. But 2 weeks ago. He broke up with me. Saying he’s not feeling it like he used to. Which I was surprised because every time I would see him he was showing me how much he had missed me he would show me how much he loved me. When we talked on the phone he was sweet. I’m torn apart I can’t sleep or eat I’m heart broken because I really love him. My question is will he miss me? Will he realize he made a mistake?? I’m trying the no contact rule.
Ashley
April 18, 2016 at 12:44 pm
I’m trying my best to, I don’t know what to do, I wish he would miss me and just realize
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Hi Ashley,
are you being proactive now? have you been doing a lot of stuff and improving yourself?
Tania
April 14, 2016 at 1:15 pm
Hi!
I just told my boyfriend that I need a few days to do some thinking. He is not putting any effoert into our relationship. He says he wants the relationship, but he no longer text me during the day. He just make the check in phone call in the end of the night. I also assume he is pursuing a new lady and I an on the back burner. I am going to break up with him this Saturday.
Will he be scared of loosing since I asked for a few days to think?
It is wise to apply the 39 days no contact once I break up. I need to break up. He is taking me for granted. I am now on the backburner.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 16, 2016 at 7:52 am
Hi Tania,
if you told him you want to do some thinking maybe he’s just giving you space.. talk about it calmly first before trying to breakup
Kate
April 12, 2016 at 1:33 am
My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a month ago because he told me he still thinks of his ex girlfriend (which he dated for 4 years). He initally broke up with her due to long-distane but also because he fell in love with me. However, a year into our relationship (1 month ago) he told me he is not sure he can be in a relationship with me becuase he doesn’t love me as much as he should, hes not “head over heels for me” because he still thinks of her. He’s never been single in his life and I understand that he needs to experience life but we’ve gotten into 2 arguments since we broke up and theyve been bad both times. The last argument we had was Thursday night (April 7). I love him more than anything and would love to be back with him I don’t know what to do. I have been trying my hardest to not speak to himand the two times we got into arguments I had drank a little too much and wasn’t in my full self control. He told me he needs space and needs time to think and reevalute himself since hes never been single and wants to learn how to be indipendent but the problem is (for both of us) that we have the same friends and the campus we are on is very small so I see him almost everywhere. We have been completely ignoring each other when we see one another out (except for the two times we got into arguments). I dont know what to do he said he “doesnt want to lose me as a friend, that he still loves me but needs space” i dont know it just doesnt make sense to me and would really love to get back with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 4:11 pm
Hi Kate,
if it’s really just about the argument, just give him space but if he really loves his ex still, move on
Jasmine
April 7, 2016 at 3:25 am
My ex and I broke up a month ago because we do not trust each other and with that comes a lot of arguing and unnecessary accusations. He and I have been dating for 6 years but have been together for 4 years. He and I lived together but when we broke up a month ago, I decided to move out & live with my mom and let him stay at the house. When I would go to the house to pick up clothes to bring to my moms, I would find flowers and I also found a champagne bottle with a flower in it sitting in our living room. I felt disrespected because that is still *OUR* home even though I was not staying there for the moment. My family & friends felt I was being too nice letting him stay there and they said I should have kicked him out. I agreed because all I could think was how my stomach turned thinking of another girl chilling in our house. So I decided tonight to put my foot down, pack his things, and kick him out. With him living in the house, I still felt we had ties to each other because I still saw him from time to time. He and I had a few talks about us and he had made it clear he doesn’t want to work on things because he feels we should work on bettering ourselves for one another. He has also made it clear that he is seeing someone else and stays the night with her a lot & is hardly ever home. I made it clear to him that I wanted to work on things but when I asked if he wanted to try again, his answer was he doesn’t know. I’ve tried the no contact rule before I kicked him out for 2-3 days and it did work! He started to text me all of the time saying how he misses me and how he is making so much more $$ now and how he wants to share his success with me. Whenever I saw him he would try to kiss me and say how he is going to try to get me back. He said all of this but was still seeing this girl! My ex has been flirtatious with me for the whole month of our break up so it is clear he still wants to be with me someday but just not right now. He also gets really jealous at the thought of me talking to someone else. He and I texted, talked on the phone, and facetimed a lot during our month break up. Honestly, it never felt like we officially broke up. But now that I stopped being nice and kicked him out, I know he is very angry with me and I want to know what I should do now ? I know I did the right thing but I still want him back and I want us to work things out. We have been together so long and we love each other so much. I don’t want to give up now. When I kicked him out, all he asked was why. He couldn’t believe I was kicking him out and was refusing to leave. I felt really bad but I still stuck to it. But once he left, I cried my eyes out. So should I do the NC rule for a month and then reach out to him ? I just don’t know if I should reach out to him even after a month of NC because I feel I would look desperate and look as if i regret kicking him out when I don’t. I want him to see me as a strong woman who won’t stand for being disrespected. Having a woman in our home is crossing the line and if he and I aren’t together, one of us had to leave the house and obviously, that was his cue.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 2:37 am
Hi Jasmkne,
that’s right. Value yourself..To be honesr, he may being flirty because it’s hard to let go of 6 years.. For me, don’t talk to him until he really is serious of getting back wih you.. unless about important things but stop having small talks and being flirty with him and move on
bhavika
March 28, 2016 at 3:35 pm
My bf brokeup with me without giving any reasons its been 3 mths we broke up..10 days aftr our brkup he came in relationship with sm1 else and kept me in hope..he told me aftr two mths on my bday that he loves her and not me..this was all he told me aftr our breakup.. now he says he’s madly in love with that grl.. but he was crazy for me when we were together.. we were perfect together i just dnt knw wat went wrong… n how can he love sm1 else… what should i do.? M not able to get over it.. m all confused
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 2:48 pm
Hi Bhavika,
They may be in the honeymoon period.. Are you doing nc now?
miranda
March 23, 2016 at 3:03 pm
hi, so i just broke up with my boyfriend half a month ago. i know about this no contact rule and im still on it. but he isnt texting me since day 1. On day 5 he posted a tweet saying he missed me. after a few days he tweeted again but it’s saying that he thinks i didnt change for the good. im really lost now. upon seeing tht tweet it makes me rage and sad. but after a few hours later, i feel quite empty, but not exactly happy or sad. i dont know what to do.. pls advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 1, 2016 at 1:02 pm
Have you been active in nc and active in posting your activities?
MayaB
March 19, 2016 at 2:32 am
Okay so, I have been dating my bestfriends cousin since august. His name is anthony and my bestfriends name is sterling. Anthony turns 21 next week and im 18. Sterling(my bestfriend) introduced me to him in august which was my last month here, before i went off to school in massachusetts. We’re from ny and my school is about three hours away. I didn’t think we were guna go any further, so i deaded it and went to school with fresh mind, new boys, new people , whatever. He ends up texting me to do i miss him blah blah, and i wasnt really feeling him because, sterling’s girlfriend ended up telling me that he had a kid. So i ended up confronting him, so mind you this is like late sept. He was telling me how he didn’t know if the kids was even his or not, so he didn’t wana say anything just yet and he was having a baby by someone he doesn’t wana have it by and that they only had sex a couple times and that was it. Nothing serious, so i was like whatevr im grown , everybody comes wi baggage, ima accept this and move as long as he can keep me separate. Okay so fast forward, we ended up getting into a relationship… everything was smooth sailing for the first three months. He was leaving work at like midnight and driving three hours to come to school and stay wi me for a couple days, and he did this a bunch of times. If he didn’t have money, i gave it to him..if i was hungry he got me food. All that, we was holding eachother down. Introduced me to his family on thanksgiving. I was feeling it, we connected really well- Okay so fast forward again, he started to act weird, not answering the phone all the time, and i let that slide too because like i said he had personal issues along with financial problems because hes 20 and he has to hold his own. So i started to think like wtf, if im with somebody i would try to use anybody phone just to talk to them. So i ended up telling him about that and he changed. He would ft or imessage me when he got wifi, or he’ll call me off his mom phone, or job phone … whatever. Thennn, in like december his babymother just started to really take this whole bbyfather situation to the head. She was being difficult for no reason ..not letting him see the kid, asking for money, disrespecting his mom, crazyness. Thats when he started to fall off and i would talk to him about it, like dont let this shit get to you ,im here talk to me. He would get so mad with his situation to the point where he would shut out, and ignore me for hourssss, he ignored me for a week before, because i asked why were people telling me they saw you in the mall wi some girl. He got mad and hung up, and i was like wtf mad childish. Who does that and once again i made the excuse for him ” ohh hes just going through alott, wants be alone” bs , then we ended up breaking up around january, because i guess the distance thing was getting to be a bit much for him, and he felt that i couldnt be his comfort and lay wi him when he get off of work to kind of sooth him and then he would try to say me going out and i wasnt listening to him was bothering him. He didn’t wana control me blah blah. Mind you he hasn’t been up to see me in a while we had a good like 4 week break without seeing eachother. Then we ended up talking and saying we were guna take it slow, work things out and try to get to know eachother more. At the same time work on ourselves. So its vday weekend, i take the bus home and he meets me in hartford, it felt so good being wi him again. The vibe was good, we was laughing cracking jokes and everything.He ended up hhaving to work the entire weekend so we didnt really celebrate it. I ended up going back to school sunday, but sat we had got into it again. So i go back to school, we didnt talk for a whileee, then i started having these bad lower stomach pain, worse than cramps. So i ended up going to the ER because that was the only thing around my school and, this pain was going on for almost two weeks. I got on ft wi him in the er, we talking and whatever. So i get back to school and we ended up ft again, and we just put everything on the table , how we felt about eachother and it went well !! I ended up getting my results back and turns out i had chlamydia. I cried and cried, then i called him. I told him what doc said, and i tried not to attack him bcus, the doc said you could have it for a long ass time and not known , doesn’t mean he stepped out on yall relationship. This dude is deaad silent Then says , ” just text me i gotta make a phone call” and i hung up . Excuse me ? No im sorry… no are you okay… do you have meds,nothinnngggggg. I ended up calling sterling because i didn’t know what else to do, i was too embarassed to tell my fam or friends. He is the only person in my entire life, i have had unprotected sex with. So sterling just laughs, im like wtf dude this isnt funny, your supposed to be my bestfriend and thats your cousin. Like wtf, he goes ” maya relax, its not that serious, i had it, im laughing bcus anthony walking around wi it and he doesnt know he has it ” im like regardless, this shouldnt have happened. I hung up on his face and started crying, me and anthony didn’t talk for a week and a day. The nerve of this kid, i text him like yo, why havent i heard from you… he goes the same reason why i havent heard from you maya…you made me think that you got this from me, but i called my babymom when i got off the phone wi you that day and she said something that made sense, before she gave birth they tested us both… and it was negative the only way, is from you. I went sick, i wrote this kid a four page letter, on how stupid he sounded. First of all you not having the baby why would they test you, and two dont flip this, be a man and own up to it. IF you reallllllyyyyy thought i gave this to you, why didn’t you call me back the same day after you spoke to your babymom, and curse me out stupid. Your dead wrong. Like i held this kid down from day 1 and this is the thanks i get ? I accepted him and his situation, idc what was going on in his life, it wasnt my place to judge. I was loyal the entire time, even on break. He constantly accused me of doing shit because the things he seen on tv or heard from other people about college. I stopped partying for him and im in school, my first year , im supposed to be having fun. But no, i let him
him take advantage of my love smh. So i wrote him that long ass message, this dude left me on read , im like wow, its realllyyyyy done. Then i started to feel vulnerable, im home for spring break rn and i miss him, so weird coming home and not seeing him. Me and his mom are still in close contact and yeah. I was thinking about texting him becase, im going through a lot with my no good mother. Then i ended up going to visit sterling girlfriend at work. I was already having a bad day because my lil sister broke my phone, and she goes, maya have something to tell you, its about you and anthony but dont tell sterling. Im like omg fuck it, whatevr go ahead. she was like ” so earlier i asked sterling what he was doing and he sent me a pic of him in the car because anthony picked him up from the bus station in nyc, but…. ” and i just finishedd the rest, and i was like what their was a girl in the girl and she goes yeah. She asked sterling , if that was me and he goes , nah thats dead, this his new joint,he seems happy” i laughed for five minutes and then i brokee don into tearssssss, im mad, annoyed, depressed,. LIke why would you do this to me. YOu show me the type person you can be, you were so geniue in the beginning then you just swept that shit from under my feet. You put me through so much, i constantly tried to prove myself to you and ensure you im not doing anything at school. You wastedx your time and sooooooo much money on gas n food for this? He neverf once ever told me or was straight up wi me about anything. It was always a guessing game for me. I’ve been heartbroken before but this is on another level. I saw long term, i wanted to be that chick tht made him better, and be their for him and happy reallly dude? So these past 6 , 7 months,i didnt work hard to keep you happy? Bet! . Just because i was in school , you wanted to act up? and not once did he tell him he got treated, so wtf are you doing, being in-denial and walking around wi it still? You got another chick already thats dirtyyyy, i bet you she doesnt know about your kid, or the std or anything. Whos guna tell her ? I loved this kid i swer to you and just toook my heart out of my chest. It was like he was down for me, realized, ahh damn nah im getting to vulnerable, and put his guard back up.He would say,oh i do this and that so i dont hurt you, i tried o fall back a little, blah blah bullcrap you dont do that. You communicate like a grown person. I lowkey want revenge, but nothing too bad, i was thinking about going to five guys just for the hell of it and stare him dead in his eyes, and laugh. He can’t run away from me then… lmao. No but seriously, he keeps trying to runaway from this and bury this and its all guna come up one day. He wonders why, things nevr work out for him and its becuase he hurts the people that loves him and is trying to hep him. Damn, i wrote a lot, im sorry, i know you have your own life bu i just need outside advice, as to what i should do in terms of moving on and how do i make him pay for his? Im not that bitter to go and do something like key his car because I know God will handle it, but im hurting and he cant get away with this . Solution?
i dont want to hate him, like we could’ve even been friends after a while but he turned this into something else. Like i may sound crazy and yeah im young but i do wana work it out with him, he is literally my bestfriend, i dont understand where we went wrong. Even though i want him doesnt mean that i need him or that he’s the best thing for me.. i get that, but he is my first bf and i rather see him realllly put in the effort then let this go on bad terms. Ya know ? But yeah.. help lol
Maya B
March 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Thank You so much !
Maya B
March 21, 2016 at 5:04 am
I am not sure if my last reply sent, but thank you for your advice. I also have a couple questions. Should i use these steps to get him to regret, or just let it go and let it come naturally. For example the nc rule? Also his birthday is on wednesday, should i text him happy birthday or no, dont give him the time of day. My friends say no because of all the ignorning he did and the fact that he didnt even ask if i was okay , while i was going through my medical situation. What do you think? One more question, do you think the fight is still worth it or, should it just be done for now and see what the future hold because time heals all. He hasn’t told me how he felt, so i cant even go off of what can or cant happen between us. Idk how he feels and if hes guna ever be man enough to fess up to everything.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 8:51 am
it’s better if you follow the rules here..and also it’s better nit to greet him you have to do nc so that he will see you’re not chasing anymore
Maya B
March 20, 2016 at 10:51 pm
Thank You, and what do you think about following with the rules on this page? Like the NC rule , or should I just leave it be and let the regret come naturally. Also , his birthday is on wed, should i say happy birthday? My friends are saying no because of the things he did to me and how he ignored me and treated me. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 3:37 am
Hi Maga B,
it’s ok..at least you got it all out.. Success will always be the best revenge..That way he will regret leaving you without you having to hurt him..it means, you just have to improve yourself and be happy..
Also, in time, when everything cools down, for sure you’ll get in touch again because you’re friends with his cousin
Andrea
March 16, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Hi, I need to know if I can still have hope. My boyfriend of almost 3 years just broke up with me on Sunday after slowly ghosting for a week (every day he would text/call less and less). We are both on Spring Break and he never said anything to see me nor did I (because of his behavior towards me). On Sunday, he was going back to school so he told me to go to the airport because he wanted to talk to me. I went and he told me that he wanted to be completely honest with me so he said he didn’t love me as a girlfriend anymore, but he still loves me as a “friend” or “sister”.
He had broken up with me last year because he had mixed feelings and “didn’t know how he felt about me, he didn’t want to be in a relationship and he still wanted me in his life as a friend”. He also used the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing and then we reconciled over the summer until now that he breaks up with me for the second time. He said that he took me back for pity but at the same time he says he did feel something for me and that’s why he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I don’t buy that “pity” excuse because of everything he did over the past months, he spent a LOT of time with me, he wrote me letters, he bought me gifts, gave me flowers, posted lots of pictures of us in social media, and did so many things to show me he loved me and it was a mistake to break up with me in the first place. He literally swore to me and my family and friends that he would never leave me again so that’s why I just can’t believe he only took me back for “pity”.
Since this is the second time it happens, my heart is broken but I feel INCREDIBLY disappointed. I obviously still feel the same; he is the love of my life and I want him back but still I’m kind of resentful over this. I feel sad but mad at the same time. We will see each other in the summer when we come back home from school but do you think he will regret it again when he sees me? The reason I think he did this is because all of his friends over there are single and he was the only one taken. He has never cheated and would never cheat on me or anyone, I am certain of that because he is not that kind of person. Also, he told me there are no women involved in this, like he is not breaking up with me because he wants someone else. He said he just wants to focus in school and being with his (male) friends. They are literally inseparable so that’s why I think they influenced on his decision to leave me.
What do you think? Will he regret leaving me when he finds himself home during the summer (without his college friends) like it happened last year? I really can’t buy his excuse that he took me back for pity…
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:54 am
Hi Andrea,
if you’re right with, yes there is a chance.. But that is immature of him to do so.. I also don’t advise you to wait on him, becaise if that really is the reason, it would be ridiculous because he would break up yearly
Chris
March 13, 2016 at 5:38 pm
My boyfriend for 18 months broke up with 3 days back. Our relationship is not really in good shape, we always fight, i easily get pissed. He cheated on me but he really felt sorry about it. I have never seen im or caught him after that. We always fight for small reason.. I want him back but he really doesn’t want to be with me. I was messaging him but he really told me to stop talking to him as he really don’t want to go back in the relationship. His explanation is that what is the use of hurting again and again because we will never be happy. What should I do, what is the best way to attract him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2016 at 3:53 pm
Hi Chris,
Well, that’s you queue to do no contact. He basically said you go do it. That’s your best option and don’t reply if he texts during it.. Make him miss you and regret breaking up with you..