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Chala1
February 12, 2014 at 1:02 pm
Ok so me and my bf have been together for almost 6 months but we’ve been talking for almost 8… Last week he asked for a break cause of how much we fight. I argue and begged him not to cause he doesn’t believe in breaks, he finally gave in. Well things were never the same afterwards, we still talked and said I love you and everything but you could tell he was distant. Last night he text me claiming he wants to be alone and that he’s here for me whenever and it’s all him and not me and that it was upsetting him but he just need time away… So I dumbly got in the car and took him his stuff, when he walked to the car I noticed he was crying.. He’s never cried in front of me.. Well he hugged me and said “I love you I’ll always love you” and said that he “just need a few days and hell text me” and I asked him why? So he can see how happy he is without me and he “replied “if I was happy without you why am I like this?”… I know I approached most of this wrongly, but I love him, I want to work things out. I’m scared he’s gonna realize he doesn’t need or want me during this break… I need help! Is there any chance? Or am I getting my hopes up?
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:44 pm
There is a chance certainly.
K
February 12, 2014 at 2:14 am
Ok it is long but its the brief (kinda) version.
My ex broke up with me in December saying he had absolutely no feelings for me whatsoever. However before this he was the most affectionate perfect guy and I fell head over heels for him so quickly. We had only been seeing each other since May but I knew he was the one. However he lived with my cousin in Scotland and I live down in England (only for the time being, as I’ve been planning to move up again once I finish my postgrad degree). And we had been dating quietly but my cousin (looking back on it) must have sussed us out. When I saw my cousin at a family do he said C had his foreign girlfriend that he met online staying over in the flat so he was glad to get away for a bit. Obviously my heart was racing and I messaged him straight away saying just to be friends as I don’t want to see someone who has different girls on the go. He denied it entirely and asked me to come see him. He told me this girl was a family friend who was sleeping on the floor in his room and they had met on holiday years ago. I was skeptical but he seemed distraught at the thought of losing a chance with me he grabbed me and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. It was spectacular. But I was still skeptical. He wrote me a letter and continued to chase. And I started to like him. But due to the stuff my cousin had said I had a niggle in the back of my mind. So when he drove all the way down to make it ‘official’ between us I made the mistake of saying lets keep it between us for a bit.
We spent lots of time together on my research trips and he took me away with him on a ‘business holiday’ but still it was all quiet. However I started to get paranoid and jealous as my cousin would often lie and say he was bringing girls back. I know they were lies as on a few occasions that I was told C was sleeping with a girl he was in fact down in England with me. We went on nights out where he almost started a fight because a friend of mine started touching me up in front of him. And he hated the fact my other male friend (I mostly have male friends) would text me daily. He never said he loved me (but he had never been in love) but he did say I was the first girl he ever had genuine feelings for, that he had never felt as strongly for anyone before and that if he had to move abroad to work he would only go if he could take me. But still the suspicion for me on the foreign girlfriend grew. We argued. I told him it was fine as we weren’t ‘official’ at the time but he still denied it. And then it got to the point in my kind where it wasn’t fine. When I thought logically about it I realised my cousin was making trouble but by then the damage had been done. My cousin stopped speaking to me (he has social and private problems anyway) but we were about to tell him about it when he point blank started to ignore me and removed me from social media sites. My uncle and mother spoke and my parents found out second hand that I was with C and then the next day C had to go offshore so I was left to deal with the fall out. In this time a lot of bad things happened. I failed my first ever assignment and not long before my dog that I had had since I was 10 had to be put to sleep. So I was emotionally wrecked. It turned out that C had to his friend about me and him. But C’s friend told his mother who was friends with my uncle who asked my cousin…you can see where this is going. But when C spoke to my cousin about it my cousin lied and said this was the first time he had heard about it. And the next day said he found out *I* was the one spreading around that we were together.
Anyway we broke up not long after this. I know I love him. I’ve never felt this strongly for someone even when I was with my other ex for 3 years. But he left saying he had no feelings whatsoever for me. But we’ve met twice since. The first time was slightly awkward at first but then he initiated and we slept together. The second time I stupidly offered it up on a plate to him and he refused (don’t worry not making that mistake again). But after the second meeting he said again he had *no* feelings leftover for me. He said he was confused as he had never felt as strongly for a girl before and that he wanted a long term relationship for the first time in his life and yet he now felt nothing for me. But when I suggested just being strangers and deleting him from my life he said he really didnt want that or to lose me from his life.
I’ve been using the TXB programme and it seemed to be working for a bit. The first ATB got a positive response and he wouldn’t let me end the conversation until the third time I tried. The next morning I got a photograph from him. I left it a few hours and replied with another ATB again positive he replied and I replied but then he stopped. He was going on a work do where it was a free bar and so I wasn’t expecting contact. But at 3:30 in the morning I had a missed call from him and a reply to my message. As it woke me up I did reply to say I was asleep but he wanted to talk about how he was annoyed at my cousin for smoking in the flat….I know I shouldn’t have indulged but I replied twice and stopped.
The next day I posted on my FB that I had lost my hat. He sent a text in reply to this saying he had it. I didn’t reply till the next day saying it was fine I’d find a new one and he suggested meeting up soon to give me it back. I said ok and the conversation ended. Three days later he made contact again with a nothing text saying ‘hello how are you what have you been doing’ etc. (all texts end in an ‘x’ by the way, before I would get three or four though) and I took advice from someone on the dash saying to not reply till the next day with just an ‘I’m great thanks’ message. It seemed rude and blunt and I was unsure. But they insisted. So I did it. And regretted it. He didnt reply. So eventually I added a ‘you?’ and he replied ‘yeah great x’ so I panicked and sent an ATB. no reply. I sent another ATB message two days later. No reply.
I called the next day and he said he was glad I called he wanted to talk but he said he didnt reply cause he had been at his parents and this is where my heart and soul breaks. The foreign girl had been over again and he had left his phone at his flat whilst he went round. Apparently she had been there since the beginning of the week ‘with her family’ but he didnt know till Friday. I stayed calm and went ‘oh well as long as you had a good time with her’ and he said ‘her and her family it was alright but not really and I was too tired from work anyway, I fell asleep at 8 on Friday so didnt even go out for dinner with them’. I just felt sick but was so calm and said how I’d been up in his city myself but couldn’t say why as I didn’t want to jump the gun but he kept pushing as to why I was up. But I didn’t tell I just said I was busy and for him to talk whenever he was free but he went ‘I’m free now’ but I said bye and hung up.
Now my problem is I want him back so much. However I don’t know what to believe with the foreign girl. And I don’t know how to make him chase me the way he did before we were together again. I want him to be that way again but it doesn’t seem possible. It seems like I’ve been friend zoned. And he genuinely has NO feelings for me. What can I do?! I haven’t spoken since the phonecall and won’t be messaging again till he does. But is my situation one I should just leave? I have been asked out by other guys since and have flirted with and dated other guys but I don’t want them. I want him back. But I want him to WANT ME. The way he did before where he would stop at nothing to have me. How can I make this happen again? CAN I make this happen again or does it sound like he has no feelings and maybe he has been seeing the foreign girl?
Last night I saw him on Skype. He was on for 30 minutes and he only has me and her on it (he told me once and it comes up at the bottom 2 contacts) and he never ‘accidentally’ signs in (although he used to pretend he did when I would catch him online but not speaking to me) my heart sank. Tonight I texted him but he hasn’t replied. He has been on Facebook chat so I know he read it but he hasn’t. I’m now planning on another month of not texting unless he contacts me. But am I wasting my time?
Thank you and sorry for the essay!
K.
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:37 pm
Do you get the feeling you are trying too hard to get him back?
K
February 12, 2014 at 8:46 pm
At the moment I’m doing nothing. I was doing nc till he got in touch but he messaged two minutes ago. I just am curious as to whether that means he misses me or not and if not will starting no contact again work to make him miss me? I have a lot to focus on atm so I wouldn’t be focusing on him. And I would find it easy to do. But I would also like if it was to make him miss me. I’m just not sure if its too late.
Chloe
February 9, 2014 at 10:01 pm
We we’re together for four months, he said he loved me just over a month ago, first, but he broke it off Tuesday. His reason was, and I quote, “I love you Chloe but I think that you love me more than I love you and I can’t do that”. It makes no sense to me at all, he did it by text too. Real manly! But the thing is we had no problems, we didn’t argue, we got on really well. He was having problems at work and with his health but he said he’d been unhappy for the last week and he wont change his mind.
I don’t think I can go 30 days NC. I miss him so much no one has ever been that good to me up until that point…
I think he made a rash decision but when i spoke to him the next day he said he’s made his choice. What should I do, I’ve been told to give him a week to clear his head and I feel like if I wait 30 days he’ll have moved on.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:48 am
Do you think you put way more effort into the relationship than him?
Maybe he just made up that excuse.
actions speak louder than words (right?)
February 9, 2014 at 9:40 pm
Hello there,
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read and advise this.
I have been in my realtionship 6 years, it just ended 3 weeks ago. We have two children together. Throughtout these 6 years he has cheated several times. I have tried everything from giving in to his ways hoping he would stop to therapy. We are both still young! He has left me 3 times before and has always come back. I told him I’m damaged and heartbroken from what he’s done and would like him to help me mend my heart so we could move on and be happy, he continously said he loved me and wanted me and was going to fix it but showed me nothing but the bare minium to keep things content. When he left he said he needed space and that he wanted to show me he loved me but I told him distance only makes it worse…he insisted he wanted his family and altho I ignored him the 1st week he still would call or text once a day. When I replied I fell into his traphe then started to come over and get sum…and eat and see the girls then go home the next day….whole time he’s telling me he wants to come home but doesn’t want hear anyones mouth getting his clothes back…..this weekend I went thru his phone because I knew I shouldn’t believe him and I wanted security to know he was serious….well in his phone there were about 11 different females that he texted and called and probably saw on a regular basis….nights he sisnt answer me I saw he was tlkng to them, I asked him one day why I didn’t getgm and gn text and he said he was busy but everyone of those females had gm and gn text messages….I confronted him and told him to leave….he kept saying but this is where he wants to be…and that everything he said about us was true.I feel like once again he chose them over me… how can you be trying to get me back and come back home when your focus is every other female…….
I want to be a choice not an option….my question is
1. If he really wanted this he would do what it takes right?
2.why won’t he leave me alone and be happy with the decision he made to not have me?
3. Doesn’t this mean he doesn’t want me..maybe just the convienece of what he can get being home keeps him playing these mind and heart games?
I’m so in love with him when he does right and makes me happy I’m sooo damn happy. I’m confused and just want to know from anothers perspective what are my nexxt steps?
Please advise
Words speak louder than actions (right?)
If he won’t give me his all and show me he loves and wants me itstime to move on beause obvisouly he doesn’t love really love me??
Ashley
February 13, 2014 at 11:58 pm
I read your comment and have connected to your story. It’s only been two weeks for me but everyday goes by so slow. I was with my boyfriend for almost 7 years before he broke up with me. I found out he was texting other girls during our relationship and now that we are broken up he has texted them every single day. I feel so devastated. We are also very young but do not have any kids. I want to try so badly to make it work but I feel as if what he is doing is what he wanted all along. How are you finding ways to cope with your break up? I am having such a hard time and feel so lonely.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:50 am
1. Yes but sometimes some inspiration is needed for him to do that.
2. He is having attachment issues obviously. He doesn’t like being alone.
Actions generally speak louder than words. Words do matter but the ultimate “check” on words are the actions that follow.
Lola
February 9, 2014 at 7:09 pm
Oh please help me. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for over one year we’ve been together 1 1/2 years. I kicked him out because he told me so many crazy things.. ‘he doesn’t love me, only as a friend.’ I went no contact five days and ran into him at a nearby restaurant.. We live near each other. He said nothing. He would have left saying nothing but I caved and spoke to him since something terrible happened with a puppy we had been caring for before I made him leave.
He spent the night last night, although I didn’t want him to and the passion was High and his feelings were intense, I could feel. I was seeming strong and he mentioned something about us focusing on our. Money for one to two years. He came out the bathroom and I said.. I want to get married. Let’s get married.
Over the course of the five minute conversation he said all these things. ‘I’m not ready. Don’t wait for me. I don’t see you as my wife I see you as a good friend. I don’t want to get married. I will live alone. You will watch me. I haven’t done what I wanted, I’ve been going with the flow.’ and I said.. You don’t see me as your wife? (I’m in India and Indian men don’t live with girls unless they r their wives. Everyone calls us husband and wife..) but he’s always BEEN Doubtful. Whether or not to marry me. Because I got TOO EMOTIONAL on several different occasions and seemed too needy
He’s been doubtful because he didn’t chase me. Circumstances happened and we were in a serious relationship due to our financial situation. So he’s been relying on me for. Money. Now I’m in love and he tells our friend ‘he was pretending to love me.’ yet his holding me and touching me was more intense than ever. Can a man really feel one thing and say another? Was he just using me? How can I make him head over heels for me? I don’t know what I’ve done wrong except gotten too Emotional. Oh please help me. Will NC work? Or he doesn’t care? He left this morning and didn’t say anything to me all day. I told him I wanted to get married and we would not sleep together anymore. How do I make him chase me?? Please help.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:44 am
I can’t guarantee it will but it will improve your chances.
Lola
February 18, 2014 at 5:31 pm
Chris, I am just a loser I guess…I cannot do NC! I can go a few days at the max then I start to get too upset and call him. He has stayed over at my house 3 times. All three times involved me crying all night and asking what I did wrong. HOW DO I DO NC and really walk away? I am living in a foreign country in a place I never wanted to be..for him. NOw he is not here..and I am in this place we lived together for 5 months. He is staying with our friend one block from me. HOW DO I GET THE STRENGTH TO GO THROUGH THIS NC????
admin
February 18, 2014 at 7:28 pm
You are not a loser.
You just have to realize that every time you break NC you are hurting yoru chances.
manuela
February 9, 2014 at 6:20 pm
Hi. My BF broke our almost 2 yr long relationship in Nov.2013. He was my best friend. In any tough situation when I am feeling low, I used to call him and share. He supported it when he loved me. he lost his feelings after 8 months of relationship. I was still dragging up the relation and we used to talk. though he never sed ne special word/nething which wl mek me feel speacial or took care that way. But, I used to feel, He wil cm back. While breaking up he did it on g-chat, not even a call. I was very devastated and dealing my other personal issues in family too. so, I called him after 2-3 days and cried a lot over it. I was literally begging him to not break-up n al. (I was mad, bt wht to do..love and he was all i had on my mind). I did not contact him after that. but I miss him really do. he moved to another country in dec. One day accidently he n me were online on skype , immediately seeing me online, he went offline. I felt very bad , so I blocked him there. But I miss him so much 🙁 🙁 Do you think he remembers me ?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:38 am
When he had a bad day did you return the favor to him or was he constantly dealing with your “stuff?”
I am not saying this to sound mean I am asking it to see if he kind of got tired of dealing with any issues you would bring up.
Cindy Schrickel
February 9, 2014 at 5:53 pm
What should I do if I’ve already sent him a couple of messages? I told him I would always be there if he needed me. and the second message said I hope someday we could talk about what happened to us. He responded…someday. have I ruined all hope of him missing me? Thanks so much
Ashley
February 9, 2014 at 2:30 pm
Hello,
My ex-boyfriend and I reconnected after an ugly breaking up three years ago, in December of 2013. We came to a mutual understanding that this time we will make it work. He owns his on business and never have time for me. I strongly believe if some cares about you they should make time for you. I sent him a text explaining my disappointment with him and not to call me again, however I broke the NC rule and text him asking him to text me back with his thoughts. He did not. It has been a week. Should I move on and forget about him?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:35 am
No, I think you should go into the NC rule and complete it.
Michelle
February 9, 2014 at 12:50 am
I was dating this guy for 3 months. He broke up with me over in an email during his finals for grad school (Dec 12th) because he said he wasn’t ready for anything serious with anyone right now even though he really liked me. I’m not sure if it was the stress of finals or just the fact that he’s dealing with his diagnosed depression. Anyways, since we ended things it literally has not been a single week since we’ve haven’t talked (mostly texts over football games). We even mentioned hanging out for coffee or something sometime soon. Anyways, the last texts were on SuperBowl Sunday. I haven’t reached out and neither has he. Do you think the NC rule will work now or did I miss my window of opportunity? I really miss him. :/
Bhavani
February 8, 2014 at 7:01 pm
Hey hi I was in a relationship for 4 yrs… Our marriage got fixed.. He was so possessive and he thought I’m in some other relationship and he cancelled the marriage before a week of the marriage… I’m unable to forget him every moment I think of him… He had blocked my number and blocked me everywhere he cud… I want him back… Is there a way I could get him back
admin
February 9, 2014 at 4:45 am
Have you tried the NC rule?
Maria
February 8, 2014 at 8:56 am
I was dating a guy for 3 months, we had both decide after 3 dates not to see other ppl so I guess we were kind of exclusive. Anyway 2 months into it, he starts being a little more distant, saying it’s bc of work bc he does own his own business but still I’m the kind of person who believes that if someone is interested, they will have the time.
Due to him not making time I broke things off a week ago and today I broke NC and txt him that I miss him and no reply. I know I have to start over now. But is there even any hope in doing so?
admin
February 8, 2014 at 6:13 pm
That is ultimately up to you. personally, i think you should give this a shot.
Maria
February 9, 2014 at 5:16 pm
Start NC over? Or contact him again? Isn’t it a bad sign he didn’t reply to the “I miss you” txt?
Nicole
February 7, 2014 at 2:40 am
Hi! I was with my boyfriend for about two years and he said he loved me and things were going great and then one day he tells me he isnt happy anymore and our relationship has taken its course. I call him a day later and he tells me to leave him alone. About 2 days after the breakup one of our mutual friends asks him if he misses me and he said he didnt and that he was actually really happy. does he really mean that?
admin
February 7, 2014 at 6:34 pm
He might right now but sometimes it takes a while for him to miss you. Then again, it depends on how you left things. How bad was this breakup?
June
February 6, 2014 at 6:45 pm
Need Advice
2 months ago, I stopped seeing someone that I’d been with for a year – gotten really close almost like family.. .I have never had a very good relationship with a male, before. . I had some trust issues, etc and for a long time, he understood and stuck around. Anyway the both of us started having some personal struggles – health, financially, family. I’d lost my job, was dealing with some serious issues with my children. He became distant , all of our personal issues came to a head. We decided not to keep seeing each other but he wanted to remain friends. Truthfully, not something I could handle. Anyway, since we’d stopped dating, we did see each other on 2 different occasions & ended up sleeping together. I missed him so much & continued to text him & send him cute messages. He would text me that he missed me, my kids. .that he was thinking about me, randomly . .but outside of that – he would not keep in touch or I would always initiate our conversations – -and more than that, sometimes he wouldn’t respond to me until he just stopped unless I needed his help. I have recently decided to go no contact because clearly I have been hounding him but I don’t want it to be too late to work things out. Can you give some advice. Do you think it is too late?
admin
February 7, 2014 at 6:21 pm
Right now you are on the right track with NC. Now, it is all about preparing yourself for the push to get him back after NC.
Stina
February 6, 2014 at 3:39 pm
My boyfriend came over Jan 21 and said “we need to take a break. Blah blah. Can I call you to see how you are doing?” My response was “I already am. Don’t you wonder why I haven’t contacted you in 5 days? It’s fine to call. You haven’t answer my one question. Do you care about me?” He said yes. He thought I was cooling off. I said no, I gave up. We had a disagreement on NYE. He left me alone a majority of the time at his friend’s party like other occasions he has. I was bored. So I went outside for a walk not disturbing anyone while he smoked his cigar. We had another party to attend and I was getting annoyed by how selfish he was being. It takes 30-40 minutes to finish smoking the cigar. It was 11:00pm and I wanted to get to the next party before midnight. His female friend asked if everything was okay when I returned for walking around the neighborhood for 20 minutes. I said yes. He is smoking a cigar and we have another party to go to. He is being selfish. She started telling me how to talk to my boyfriend. I got mad at her for giving me advice when it was absolutely none of her business. He finally came out and we went to the next party. BTW – I did not get a kiss at the stroke of midnight as I told him earlier before we went out. I mentioned how his female friend was being nosy about our relationship. His response…oh well it’s her party and she can say whatever. My response…no she can’t! Two things bad on his part = leaving me alone at this party where I know no one and smoking a cigar when he knew I wanted to be kissed. I definitely did not want to kiss an ashtray. This isn’t the only thing that has made us divided. He never makes time for us – date night. For 3 days he did not talk to me because he said he was working. Unbelievable to not pick up the phone for a minute to ask how I am. I have called me in the past several times to only be told I’m in a meeting right now. I’ll call you back. (2 days later) or I’m very busy with work right now. So after hearing this repeatedly, I got turned off and decided to never call.
Anyway, it’s been almost a month and I really miss him. I could not control the NC thing. I texted him the other night saying “I miz u but u no. U?” No response from him. I don’t plan to text him anymore . Again he is making me completely run the other direction. I am or was apparently his longest girlfriend. We dated a year. I don’t think he knows how to be a supportive boyfriend.
My question to you, are we really “taking a break” or “breaking up”. I don’t do sugar coated truths. Just be direct about it. It is easier to deal with.
Vickie
February 8, 2014 at 2:39 pm
Hello Stina,
I am a woman too, I know how you feel.Just leave him a lone for a while, You will be fine. If he wants you back, he will call or text you. You know what you want but he does not know what he wants.
If a man wants to kiss a woman, he will want to take every single possible chance to do it. Sometimes he has his personal issue and cannot share it out. If you really miss him and love him, take the female friend’s advice in order to get closer to him. If you are done with this guy, move on, there are good guys on earth.
joana
February 6, 2014 at 10:49 am
my boyfriend left me without explanation and didnt want to talk to me after. i still dont have a clue why he left. he was super careful n the d after he changed drastically..is ther any advice?
admin
February 6, 2014 at 6:11 pm
No explanation at all? Do you have any hint of an idea of why?
payton
February 6, 2014 at 3:40 am
I broke up with my ex boyfriend and I just can’t seem to get over him. We have known each other for 3 years and dated about 4 months i just want to know how i can say i want you back without saying i want you back help?
admin
February 6, 2014 at 5:56 pm
Have you read any of the major guides on this site?
Courtttt
February 5, 2014 at 9:29 pm
I’ve been off and on with my ex for like 6 years, we have been broken up for like a month, well at first i didnt wanna try to work things out because it was just too soon when i knew what would end up happening again. Well now i wanna work things out and apparently he doesnt.. Idk what to do anymore?
admin
February 6, 2014 at 5:41 pm
6 years off and on?
Wow, what usually causes the breakups?
Mercedes
February 3, 2014 at 9:47 pm
Will these tactics work if he’s the one that broke things off? We got into the worst fight saturday. He called me and texted me sunday, but he still “stands firm” to his decision of breaking up with me. And again he texted me Monday, but I did not text him back. I love this person more than anything in the world..I just need to know how to get him to want me again and to miss me even though he stands firm on breaking up. Will these tactics work?
admin
February 4, 2014 at 5:29 pm
Yes they can work.
Jasmine Smith
January 31, 2014 at 12:26 pm
Me and my exfiance been together 9 months he broke of the engagement once we broke up for a month got back together three month later he propose again and now we broke up again this time it only lasted for a week later he ask me to come spend the day with him i did it was a snow day we had fun he cooked me dinner and we didnt have sex but at the end of the night after he dropped me off we did kiss then the next day i hered nothing from him so i texed him and said haven’t hered from u all day he responded i have alot on my mind man so i said im here if u need me or wanna talk about it but later on that day i felt confused so i told him i needed space to think about somethings some time to put some things together space to myself he didnt respond he didnt say anything . . . . My question is where do i start from here
anayensi
January 28, 2014 at 10:12 pm
We broke up Saturday night. I begged for him yesterday at school. :/ he told me he doesn’t even want to be my friend anymore. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy that wants me to beg for him :/ he seems happy as if nothing happend. :/ its not fair. I’m so hurt more that he won’t even acknowledge me, than the actual breakup.. will this still work? He’s so stubborn with great will power.
Vickie
February 8, 2014 at 2:46 pm
My suggestion for you, Anayensi, Please NEVER beg for a guy, you will never get it. That is how men are: run away from them, they will try to catch you; chase after them, they will run away from you.
evelyn
January 30, 2014 at 11:03 pm
You should never ever have to bed anyone to be in your life. If they cannot see what an awesome person you are then it is their loss. If someone wants to walk out of your life, hold the door open for them because they are not worth your time and effort. Any relationship needs to be 50/50 if not well then….