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1,990 thoughts on “You Want Your Ex Back After Cheating On Him…. Here’s What To Do”

  1. Michelle

    January 29, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years in November with a co worker. I was feeling lonely and we had been going through a really hard time, always constantly fighting and not really spending time with each other.
    He recently found out from someone else. And he doesn’t want to speak to me or see me. He says I ruined everything, and that he had plans for us. But now he could never trust me or anyone else again. We truly loved each other and knew we were soulmates and now I just destroyed everything. I really want us to end up together in the end. I know he wants his time and space and I want to give it to him. I’m just afraid that if I do, I’ll lose him for ever. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      HI Michelle,

      He probably said that out of hurt. Are you currently doing the steps above?

  2. Lucas

    January 29, 2016 at 9:13 am

    Most of this article I agree with, save for a few factors. First off is the no apologies section. By this logic, if I were in a committed relationship with a girl and I cheated on her, I don’t ever have to say “I’m sorry” as long as I make a good enough show that I’m sorry. Secondly, saying someone shouldn’t beat themselves up for cheating may as well be translated as “Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault.” After reading this article, it also seems to give the impression the only possible reason a girl would cheat is if her boyfriend did something wrong. So…it’s always the bf’s fault she did something with another guy? I am not saying that is never the case, after all there are guys and girls who make crappy bfs and gfs. However, if things aren’t feeling right and if there is something you don’t like about the one your with, there is a extremely easy solution that actually goes along with the claim humans are not monogamous creatures. LEAVE! Break up, move on, go bed hopping, whatever it is your looking for that your S.O. doesn’t have, at least pretend to be a decent human being and spare them from the heartache from getting cheated on. Truth is, it is your fault if you cheat on someone. If the relationship is bad and you find someone better, oh I don’t know, break up with the one you don’t like and date the one you do. That just sounds crazy right, what reasonable person would think of that? If it has to do with the physical nature of your relationship, either find a solution or break up and find someone who satisfies your needs. No one wants to date a person that bounces between beds as though they were the paddles in pong or table tenis. It’s as simple as the commonly known phrase “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” As for the cheat-ees, the only thing you show or teach when you accept someone who cheated on you who claims they love and want you back, is they more or less got away with it. Sure you found out, but they got what they wanted: you taking them back. Now they know what to do if they’re caught cheating again (should they ever decide to do so again) and probably picked up a few notes on how to better keep it secret the next time. But hey, they shouldn’t feel guilty or think it’s their fault right? Sure your feelings are hurt and your self esteem has been shaken, but they don’t ever need to apologize or hold themselves responsible for how they treated you because we’re all human, and humans just aren’t naturally monogamous. In fact, based on this premise, it must be your fault for getting cheated on. Spoiler: that was sarcasm. Here’s my question in regard to this topic, why should the guy take her back? Even if the girl did everything you suggest, including allowing him to review her text and talk history, why does he have to or should take her back? Because she loves him so much? If that were the case, how come she couldn’t keep that in mind and keep herself from cheating in the first place?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2016 at 5:26 am

      Hi Lucas,

      The guys doesn’t have to take her back. The decision of whether he should take her back is not based on the girls actions alone but of course with his standards and willingness to give a second chance. The blog post is not really to justify why they guy should take her back, The actions are meant to show how serious the girl is about changing and letting the guy know that she’s willing to be more understanding in the guy’s process of checking whether she’s worthy again of his trust or not . It’s not really whether why he should and why not because definitely, after a cheating incident, you should really think twice about getting back to that person.

    2. Lucas

      January 29, 2016 at 9:33 am

      To also correct the 11th sentence: Break up, move on, go bed hopping, whatever it is you’re looking for that your S.O. doesn’t have, at least pretend to be a decent human being and spare them from the heartache from getting cheated on.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2016 at 11:06 am

      Hi Sara,
      I don’t think it’s too late. But maybe even just 21 days will do. Make that 21 days worth it for the both you. It’s clear that he’s just had enough and needs to take a break. Abd Don’t do the jealous approach for him. It’s better if you’re social media posts relate to your change and your learnings. But don’t address it to him of course. I’m rooting for the both of you! It’s nice to see two people striving hard to work on their shortcomings. Don’t beat yourself too much. Everybody reaches this point in life. It’s your life’s turning point. So, stay strong.

    4. Lucas

      January 29, 2016 at 9:27 am

      To make a correction on the 9th sentence it should read : However, if things aren’t feeling right and if there is something you don’t like about the one you’re with, there is a extremely easy solution that actually goes along with the claim humans are not monogamous creatures.

  3. Justina

    January 28, 2016 at 12:24 am

    I have been dating a guy who lives in my apartment building off and on for the last several months. We’ve both met each other’s families and have even said “I love you” to each other. This relationship has been very rocky due to circumstances with his ex and with his child’s mother. We broke up while acknowledging we still have strong feelings for each other. We even slept together occasionally still. After almost a full month of being broken up, one of our other neighbors who has always been very nice to me admitted to me that he really liked me and would like to try to be in a relationship with me. I thought about it for several days and then decided that I really liked the attention and thought we had similar relationship styles so it may work. I agreed to come over and watch a movie. As you can imagine, a little bit more happened. After I refused to sleep over and went back upstairs to my own apartment, my ex asked if he could sleep over and I told him no because if I was ever going to be able to get over him, we couldn’t still do that. I asked if he wanted me to wait for him and he said no. The next morning he changed his mind and decided that not only should I have been waiting for him the whole time, he wanted to be back together again because living in the same place and caring for each other but not being together was really only punishing both of us. I told the other neighbor and he said he’d give me a day to think about my response, but after that if he wasn’t #1, he didn’t want to be a 2nd choice and wouldn’t be. I fully respect that. I may have gotten on my high horse then and told my ex exactly what I wanted in a relationship and mentioned that it was funny he changed his mind right after someone else had asked me out and how I’d hung out with them the day before but it just hadn’t been the same as being with him. All of us living in the same building, he immediately knew who I meant but made me say it. The other neighbor and I decided that we should break all contact because I obviously still love my ex. (And I still feel terrible, I shouldn’t have even tried to do anything with the other neighbor just out of loneliness and not based on return feelings for him.) My ex and I talked (well, mostly cried and had sex) and got back together. This was perhaps 2 weeks ago. I’ve seen him 1 time since and he wouldn’t even touch me, not an arm around the shoulder while watching movies or anything. I realize this doesn’t just go away and he’s very upset because of all the people, it was our neighbor and friend. He feels like we both betrayed him and that I cheated on him. He has a lot of other things going on with a truly awful “baby momma” of his wonderful middle school age child and so he’s very stressed out but he says I destroyed the one place he has felt safe in a long time because he sees the neighbor’s door every time he comes home from work and then he wants to hide from the world and not see anyone, especially either of us. Is there anything I can do to regain his trust or to help him feel safe while living here again? I am truly sorry and while my friends say that because we were broken up, it shouldn’t make him so upset, I know that it was “who” it was that he is most upset about. I neglected to tell him that this neighbor was flirting with me since the very moment I met him, the week before I met my boyfriend, and that I hadn’t put it together until he directly told me because I wasn’t looking for anyone. I’ve never been unloyal in my life and if you have any advice on making him feel safe again (NC is not a good idea… he may have to move cross-country in a few months due to his crazy “baby momma” so that he will be able to still see his daughter) I would really like to hear it. I’d like to be able to spend what little time we may have together and would like to continue our relationship long-distance if necessary. (He may not have to, I’m hoping as desperately as he is! Although I am for us, and he is for his daughter and family’s sakes. I will miss his daughter of course as well, but of course I understand if his daughter moves, he moves.)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2016 at 4:57 am

      Hi Justina,

      Truth is, you didn’t cheat. He just feels like it because he still has feelings for you and he knows you still have for him at that time but still, you didn’t cheat.

      You said, you’re still together right? Go some place else and talk to him calmly and seriously about this. Tell him you understand him and explain your feelings, the truth. In a way that your not begging. Just explain in the perspective of understanding how he feels and that your actions were not to hurt him. And that the other guy is respectful and understanding enough to give both of you distance when you chose him.

      If he still doesn’t understand, you can’t do anything but let him be because you’ve already been clear about what happened and what you feel. We can’t force somebody to change the way they feel about us. We can only be truthful and accept and understand how the other person will react.

  4. Abby

    January 26, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    Me and my boyfriend (now my ex & father of my child) have been together for 2 years. we’ve had a really rough relationship and we always argued and he was never home ( we lived with his parents) eventually we got into a really big argument and and he kicked me and my daughter out of the house so i ended up staying with my mom and going out with my friend that night and had sex with someone else. i regretted it as soon as it happened. this happened in December and the only person who knew was my best friend. so this month me and my ex came up with an agreement to make things work & i really had hope this time ( he still didn’t know) two weeks later he took my phone and read what me and my best friend were talking about & found out. He called me names and told me to get out, ive decided to move out of state to get away from him but every piece of me wants to do what ever it takes to get him back but everyone else is telling me no. i made a decision out of hurt and being lonely, i technically didnt cheat but i know if it was the other way around i would act the same way. What do i do? do i give him space? or do i try my hardest to prove to him i’m sorry??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2016 at 11:37 am

      Hi Abby

      You feel guilty because of what happened but what if you didn’tmake that mistake? Would you want to go back after what he did with you and your daughter?

  5. ROSE

    January 26, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    ive been dating a guy since 4 months..bw this i made a fake ac to spy on him cause i heard from others hes not a gud person and ol…..after knowing he was an ok person i deleted d ac…..in bw we alwys had small fights which he hates but i always fight for som reason but 10 min ill be fine……after all this i felt bad for making d fake ac so i decided to tell him…after telling him he really got pissed off and broke up with me…for past 1 month im behind him to solve this issue but no progress…..i really do love him i want him back im so sure !!! pls help me…..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2016 at 11:20 am

      Hi Rose,

      are you doing no contact?

  6. Savanna

    January 21, 2016 at 3:32 am

    So my boyfriend and I have been off and on a lot lately and we took a break for awhile cause I was having family issues but at the same time he was too, well we started talking around 1/13/16 and well two days later we had made plans for him to come hang out with me for a couple of hours well maybe and hour before he was supposed to come over he ditched me to go stay with a friend and admitted to me he did ditch me and we’ll that night a guy I used to talk to came by the house and wanted to hang out I didn’t think anything of it well I ended up having sex with the guy and I made him leave I couldn’t do it I thought of my “boyfriend” in a way the whole time and I was so upset with myself well I hadn’t told anyone and I didn’t wanna tell my “boyfriend” I couldn’t I knew it was gonna hurt him well the jerk I cheat on him with went to school and told everyone and my “boyfriend” found out from one of my best friends and well I lied to him about it because we were in school I wasn’t gonna tell him infront of everyone so we hung out together after school drove around and I was like we need to talk please and he said ” savanna if you cheated on me I’m gonna have to leave you it just what I’m gonna have to do” I panicked and lied to him again my so called bestfriend called me screaming at me tell me I needed to tell him so when I got home I cried and cried and I told him the truth everything he said it was okay I couldn’t help but keep saying I was sorry that I loved him that it honestly meant nothing to me and I asked if he could forgive me and give me another chance after all the ones I gave him and he told me no he said he loved me but no I swore I wouldn’t ever do it again I swore I would prove it to him and he said he just wanted to be friends I need help I really do I fucked up so bad and I truly believe he’s the one for me I have given so much for him I waited and waited for him to call me when he broke my heart three times in a row I waited for him never touched another guy in just I fucked up and I want him back I need him back so please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      Hi Savannah

      I’m sorry what happened. But we’re human, we all make mistakes. Are you doing what Chris adviced n this post?

  7. Mandy

    January 19, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Okay, so ive been dating this guy for a really long time and I love him more than I can put into words, but I cheated on him (just one kiss) and I told him because I thought well “honesty is the best policy” and the truth always finds a way of coming out. His ex girlfriend cheated on him too, and Ive been by his side as a friend ever since, so you all can imagine how horrible I feel. The kiss with the other guy meant nothing, im literally disgusted with myself! He says he doesn’t want to talk to me, and I just need to know how to get him back!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Hi Mandy,

      what do you think about the steps in this post? do you think you can do them? although of course you could if you really want to. all it needs is time.

  8. Lila Downs

    January 16, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    Ok so i didn’t cheat, i just send some silly message to an old friend who had a crush on me, it was a joke to me but my bf saw it and went all crazy about it. He wont let me apologize face to face or anything… I feel really guilty even though everyone tells me he’s over reacting. We were together for more than a year and i know we love each other.
    Last time i text him was 3 days ago and we decided to break up, i’m taking it the good way, i don’t feel sad, i just want to get things right, even if we’re no longer together. I guess i should let him alone but i also feel like i should apologize… What should i do?

    1. Lila Downs

      January 16, 2016 at 9:10 pm

      Thanks! No, he didn’t blocked me, he just says he doesn’t want to talk to me, i ask him if he wanted me to come by his house to talk things over and he said he didn’t… I just think it would be annoying for me (if i was him) to have someone pushing me to talk when i don’t want to… I’m just very confused between giving him space (witch he’s asking for) and pour my heart out, i don’t want him to think i don’t care but i also don’t want to make things worse by pushing him 🙁

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2016 at 5:40 am

      Hi Lila,
      He wanted space so give him it to him. You’re right that it’s irritating if you push it. He’s the one who said he needs space and you’re giving it, so I don’t think he will think you don’t care. You just listened to what he wants. Pour your heart out in a letter or a video then keep it for now. When he’s ready to listen and you still feel the same way, at least you already got it recorded. The only thing left is to give it.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      Hi Lila,

      Very mature on how you’re taking it. How does he not let you apologize aside from personally doing it? Did he block you in social media sites? Maybe you can send a sincere text then give him time to digest it and continue on being perspective.

  9. izzy

    January 14, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    i didn’t really cheat, we were already broken up but kinda trying to get back together i went to a party and was with a guy, my ex found out and decided he really didn’t want to be with me anymore 2/3 weeks later has a gf, thing is i asked him if he still loves me and cares about me and he said he does so i want to get back with him but he keeps rejecting me. what do i do? do i ask him to stay as friends and try to win him back or do i just let him go?

    1. Lila Downs

      January 16, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Plus, 3 days ago, when we decided to break up, i told him i’m sorry, i tried not to make it a big deal, i said i am sorry for hurting him with something so silly and nice things, i know he doesn’t want to break up and me neither, it’s just a hard time for me and i’m not sure how to handle it. I want to know we’re going no contact for the good reasons, not just because we don’t know how to handle it.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2016 at 5:34 am

      Actually that’s a good reason for no contact too because if you don’t know how to handle a hard time in your life and it’s contributing stress in your relationship, sort out the problem first. You don’t have to stick to 21 or 30 days if you have a clear solution. You said both of you don’t want to break up, then make things simple by having a serious talk and get back together.

    3. izzy

      January 15, 2016 at 9:13 pm

      gotcha, but is there any chance that during the nc he starts to think that maybe I don’t love him anymore? and what about this other girl?

    4. Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2016 at 12:30 am

      How serious has he been about this new girl?

      In your opinion of course.

    5. izzy

      January 15, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      No we don’t

    6. Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      Gotcha, well, then you can probably utilize a form of no contact called limited contact. Basically when you are in your NC period you are allowed to break it briefly only to discuss children related topics.

    7. izzy

      January 15, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      i have but we have a baby together so how can i do that?

    8. Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2016 at 8:37 pm

      Funny you ask that.

      I actually am writing a book on how to deal with the NC rule in this situation. Basically keep all the communication about the children during NC. Do you live together?

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      Hi Izzy,

      I agree that you didn’t cheat because you’ve broken up but maybe he was hopeful because you said, you we’re trying to get back together. It looks like you two are going through a mix of emotions with him suddenly having a new gf. Have you considered doing the no contact rule?

  10. Michelle

    December 27, 2015 at 12:58 am

    Hi,
    Well… how about getting a husband back, when little kids are involved and the 30 days no contact is impossible…
    We have to take care of the kids, split custody etc.
    He just found out about a fling i had last year, when we were separated. He left us, went to his mother’s.
    It’s been 3 weeks he found out and wants a divorce ASAP !
    I don’t agree… but how do I make him change his mind… he’s convinced he wants out.
    We had ups and downs but the last year was peaceful, without being perfect…
    But not bad enough to say it’s over. It’s not over for me, but he says it is for him… What next ???

  11. randa

    December 24, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    what happened that i cheated on him and i lied many times , to be honest i was scared to tell him all the details, afte a while i proved to him that im a trust worthy person and we were so good, but after a while he figured out that something deeper happened between me and the terh guy, he couldnot take it feeling his dignity is broken. now he is telling me that your are good to anyone but not me..all his happened from three months ago please tell me what should i do now.. an if there is hope.. please helpme..and is it normal to tell me that i dont love u anymore and swearing to God thad he is not anymore.. plzzzz help

  12. erin lynam

    December 21, 2015 at 7:42 am

    I recently have been seeing this guy for a little while i tried to have the are we exclusive talk and he shuts me down everytime. So i went out with some friends and ended up sleeping with someone else, now the guy iv been seeing obviously found out and refuses to talk to me. I wouldve told him.
    So am i in the wrong in this situation? And how can i get him back and to commit to me?

  13. Jane

    December 20, 2015 at 4:42 am

    How do you suggest winning back the trust of an ex boyfriend if, while you were broken up, you messed with his best friend?

  14. lucy

    December 9, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Hi

    Please help, I cheated on my boyfriend on Saturday with one of my best friends who I’ve known for years. I felt awful and told my boyfriend on Sunday, he hasn’t ended it and wants to work things out but he just doesn’t understand why I did it since we are so good at the moment. He says he doesn’t respect me anymore and doesn’t know how to trust me. I don’t even know why I did it, I did get some pretty huge news on Friday that means I am going to have to go into hospital soon but I don’t want to use that as an excuse… I just really don’t know how to solve this but I really do love him and regret what I did so much.

  15. A

    December 9, 2015 at 3:46 am

    I cheated on my boyfriend with our roommate (his friend) but we didn’t break up because of it, we got back together recently but I still feel so guilty. He still doesn’t know but I am planning on telling him this weekend. I wrote a letter that I will give to him and wait for him to finish it so he can process it and talk to me about it when he’s done. I have cheated before a couple of years ago and he stayed with me, do you think it will be possible for him to stay with me again? I’m scared I’m going to loose him because I love him so much. He’s the only person I have left..

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 9, 2015 at 4:11 am

      Hmmm, I guess it depends on what type of person he is. You know him best so only you could predict how he will react. If he does break up with you after you apologize and tell him you’d never do it again, you will have to go into no contact (but don’t tell him you are doing it). During that time don’t talk to any guys at all.

      Why did you cheat in the first place? Were you unhappy?

  16. Alex

    December 8, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    i cheated on my boyfriend last year, i admitted it to him in the summer while we were taking marriage classes, he took it well. on nov 22 he went through my phone and saw i was planning to go smoke weed with a guy, this was on the app kik. through that same app some random guy snt me a pic of his penis, i replied by saying nice, didnt continue, that was 2 days old. he broke up with me and told me he has been talking to a girl at work, whom listens to him and can keep a conversation going, i have contacted him. this past sunday dec 6th we got into an argument. i text him and told him i was making a commitment to leave him alone. he says he cant trust me, im confused and want to makes things right. how can i gain his trust again? since last year that i physically cheated on him i havent done so again, but due to said messages he doesnt believe that. he said he no longer loves me. i spoke to his mom yesterday she admitted he mentioned a month ago he was deploying and coming back to marry me. what do i do?

  17. Rosh

    December 8, 2015 at 8:15 am

    I am still in relation with the guy whom I cheated on with, he says that he had already forgiven me but can’t built the trust back , he wants me to start this relationship from start because he is no more comfortable in this relationship, I will try ur very first tip of not being in touch for 30 days

  18. Kelli

    November 30, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    I cheated on my boyfriend of three years and now he won’t even talk to me. Our relationship was long distance. We grew up together and he knows me so well. Although, we didn’t live in the same country we made plans for the future. However, when we first started dating I wasn’t sure if it’s work and had a relationship with someone on and off. He’s recently found out and says we can be friends but nothing more. He was not only my boyfriend but also my best friend.I can’t stop crying and beating myself up because I’ve hurt him. I would give anything to get back.

  19. maddie

    November 29, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    i cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend and we didnt tell him till 2 days after and we all got on the phone and we told him he went on this big out rage and said all of these mean things calling me a whore , worthless, ungreatful, bitch an i told him to stop and then his brother came in and did the same he said he never loved me and that hurt ….. after that night i relized that i needed him what do i do now

    1. Sean Higgins

      December 7, 2015 at 2:54 am

      I agree with Chris about the 30 days no contact rule. By omission of the relationship, it maximizes stress on the other party. I haven’t read the book, but I have read military studies on Combat Fatigue, and this is similar. After 21 days of continuous combat, without relief, generally soldiers become ineffective at combat. By 30 days they are exhausted completely. No Contact is a strategy of attrition. Basically, you are relying on your opponent to exhaust themselves by this time. However, you must be up to the challenge to out-endure your opponent. Women and their social support structures have the advantage in this strategy.

  20. kamya

    November 29, 2015 at 4:03 am

    i cheated on my bf n hes really upset with me n we are no longer together
    i feel he dont care much about me now. but i desperately want him back now because i know i was wrong. 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 12:51 am

      What can I help you with specifically?

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