5 Critical Ways To Get Over and Move On After Your Ex Dumps You

786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

Layna

August 26, 2015 at 3:26 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for a year. I went into the relationship knowing he had a baby on the way with another woman. Unfortunately that baby didn’t make it she passed away at birth. The beginning of our relationship was rocky, i caught him cheating on me with another girl, that girl came back saying she was pregnant and that he was a possible father along with another man. Me and my boyfriend worked things out i forgave him and we learned to trust each other and he stayed faithful, we both knew there was a possibility of him having another child on the way but he didn’t believe it was his, we had agreed that if it turned out to be his that i would help him raise it just like i had planned to help raise his first child (who passed away). Well a few days after he lost his first child he got into an accident that put him in the hospital for about a week. I was the only one who was really there for him at this point, i helped pay his phone payments, take him wherever he needed to go, helped him pay his bills and so forth. During the time he was in the hospital the girl who he cheated on me with started causing drama talking about how he’s a horrible person, a waste for a human body, etc. all over social media (mind you he was going through a lot at this point after losing his child and sitting in a hospital room) i stood up for him and said something to her, she then took down all the hateful comments on social media and agreed to stop(she wasn’t happy to do it though). Me and my boyfriend were together up until about a month ago, he said he wanted to take a break to get his life together and figure out if her kid was his or not, we still continued talking he would ignore me though but then hangout with me and act like nothing had ever happened between us, and then as soon as we weren’t together he ignored me again, he ended up staying at the hospital with girl and was there through her entire labor he ignored me the entire time he was there, my birthday was two days after her delivery and he hung out with me the whole day, when we were together he told me everything right and you wouldve thought we were back together, well then once again as soon as weren’t together it was back to ignoring me. A few days later the test results came back it was his kid, he was a father. Him and the mother of his child now hangout just about everyday because he wants to see his daughter and she breast feeds, I haven’t got to meet his daughter like he promised, i asked if him and the mother of his child were trying to work things out because i needed to know whether i should move on or not he said no but if you ask her, she says they are. He said he wants me still but he needs to please her so he can get to see his daughter whenever he wants. I understand his daughter is now the most important girl in his life but its not fair to me to sit around crying and waiting for him while he does whatever he wants and is happy. When i ask what he wants he says “i dont know”. I know he could handle this situation better than what he is, he simply ignores me and only talks to me when he feels like it but then when he does talk to me he says all the right things. We’ve been broken up technically for about a month, I’ve begged and pleaded to be apart of his and his daughters life like we always talked about with so much happiness. Ive been prepared to to be there for him and his child since the first day we started dating (because of his first child) and now for that to be the same reason we can’t work things out doesn’t make sense to me. What do i do?

Victoria

September 5, 2015 at 2:39 pm

Layna, I know it isn’t easy, not easy at all. But I would tell you to please move on. Your boyfriend has so many other things going on in his life, so many other women to take care of. And it seems to me that he’s not so sure about your anymore. And you shouldn’t put yourself down and just to be there for him because sometimes he needs you when there’s no one else. What if you need him? Take time for yourself and think about it. You deserve better and there are men out there with a better timing in their lives to be with you…

Hind

August 19, 2015 at 7:20 am

Hi
I liked your topic… I had lots of issues with my husband… he wants me to live with his family.. so initially it was fine… then his mother started to make lots of problems for me… then i asked him to move out … initially he told me stay in your parents house.. then untill two years after the insedent i am in my parents house with my two chilldren age 2 AND 3.5 so i decided to change my number and if he wants us back to come take us frm where he left us… but he did not come.. so two months passed with no contact plan… but nothing happened.. so sometimes i feel i want to call back… but i did not … i find it dificult to through my wedding pictures they look great but sad..
what should i do…

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:02 am

So, you are trying to get your ex husband back?

hurt

August 14, 2015 at 2:18 am

hello Chris,
I dated this guy for a year, we knew each other from our home town in Canada and I went to school in Florida. It was my second year down there and he came to live with me. This summer we were planning that he was going to come back with me but he decided that he wanted to go to British Columbia (even farther away) for a job hes always wanted. Within a week notice I had to let him go. I respected his decision and I am happy that he is doing what he wants to do. We were on good terms and talked every few days and I was feeling like this breakup did have many benefits for us to grow individually. It hasn’t even been a month and I’ve noticed he’s already seeing other girls and doesn’t contact me much. I thought I was staying strong but now I’m feeling hurt at the fact that hes moved on so fast when I’m here and haven’t even thought about seeing another guy. Were on good terms and I wanted to stay friends…..but I don’t know if I will be able to move on. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

August 14, 2015 at 3:52 am

If you want a chance at being together again, you will have to do no contact for at least 30 days maybe longer. Let him feel what’s its like not to have your support. If you wean him off, then he won’t have a hard time with the break up.

Lauren

August 6, 2015 at 10:46 pm

Hi there,

Wondering if I might be able to get some advice on my situation. My boyfriend/fiance and I began dating in July 2012 – when we initially met in April of that year, he had a girlfriend and I respected that and backed off. Within weeks they had broken up, and we kept in contact until going on a date in July and hitting it off. 8 months later, he proposed to me and I accepted. He went travelling last Summer (2014), and we were long distance for 4 months. He has always been flirty, and I have gone through his phone and found texts with girls several times, which led to a lack of trust on both ends because I would go through his phone (which he felt betrayed by) and I couldn’t trust him. We also had problems on nights out – when we drink we tend to argue and many nights this ended with me crying up the road and my boyfriend feeling embarrassed, but us usually working things out in the morning. He has never cheated on me (to my knowledge). This year, my Mom passed away in January. My boyfriend also got a new job in February – since then, all went downhill in our relationship. I went to visit my family in May (by the way, he’s English and I’m American) – we went on a break, which turned into him breaking up with me and getting back with me two times. When I got back, we broke up officially. One day of no contact and we met up, and he suggested we try to work things out as single people who are exclusive to each other. This slowly evolved to him texting other girls and also to me trying to talk to other guys to make myself feel less hurt – and now I have booked a plane ticket home. We were meant to marry this year and get a visa for me to stay with him in his country, but now I am flying home for good. He still tells me he loves me, and that he wants a future maybe someday, but that we have made too many reckless decisions and he doesn’t want a relationship anymore and he wants to go travelling alone next year. Now I am heartbroken and I have no idea what to do. I want to get him back ideally – but I’m wondering if it’s even fixable now. Help?

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 4:40 pm

I am so sorry to hear of the heartache you’ve been through. It sounds like he is not in a place to get married anytime soon. How old is he? I think that is the most difficult part, when a guy says he wants to marry you, you have your mind set and he wasn’t 100% about getting married in the first place. I really dont think it has anything to do with you. You may have to do no contact for a long time and date other men. Since your not actually from the UK, it’s going to be difficult. When do you have to come back to the states? Do you want to stay there? Where is your family?

Marie

August 2, 2015 at 3:37 pm

Hey, Chris.

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. We have broken up before after seven months of dating, but reconciled after a few months and then were together for nearly two years. I am not entirely sure why we broke up, but he said that he suddenly felt like he was using me, because he couldn’t give me what I wanted and deserved. I am not sure what he meant, but a few days before the breakup we were discussing about some relationship stuff, specifially the fact that I do not have the energy to work on our problems (communication and some trust issues) alone and I would like him to help me, look up solutions and maybe see a councelor in the future. We were in a long-distance relationship and I was also irritated about the fact that when I planned our weekends, he never invited me first or suggested what we would do and so on. So I started feeling a bit…unwanted. It got a bit heated and I admitted that I am not sure if I want to keep on working on those problems alone when I know that he doesn’t want a future with me. He asked what do I mean by “future”, I answered that some day (many years from now) I perhaps would like to settle down in a sense, maybe move in together, but he has said that he never wants to move in with someone. He needs personal space and does not want to take responsibility for “what if we get into a fight and someone has to move out?” For me, it was a random thought, I was overreacting and wanted to try everything to make him understand that I REALLY do not have the strength to work on our problems alone. Besides I know that you can’t move in with someone when you have constant issues and arguments, so I never wanted to pressure him into moving in together. Our relationship wasn’t stable enough at the time, anyway. He knew that we had issues, but he always said that he didn’t think about them when we were happy, they just bothered him during arguments when these problems surfaced. Anyway, we had this serious conversation and at the end of it, we actually made an agreement, he promised to look up something about communication problems and maybe tal to a web-counselor. It made me very happy and I really felt like we put a start to solving our issues. On the next day, we had a minor argument because of a misunderstandment, but it went past. The next days were okay, but it was sort of awkward. No usual cute smiley-faces, no nicknames that we usually used exessively. Since we had to go to a party together I asked him if he was okay with it, or is it too awkward now. He said that he doesn’t know, it is a bit weird, indeed. On the previous days, he said that he definitely wanted to go to that party with me, he even agreed to travel a bit more so that we could take the same train. I asked what do we do, should we stop talking for a while. He said that he wants to “discuss it later in the evening”, when we both got off work. So, I waited hom to appear online, and that’s when he said that he feels like he is using me because he can’t give me what I want and deserve. This feeling makes him feel like an asshole and he hates it and he doesn’t know what to do. I didn’t get to say much. He continued that he suddenly “burst his bubble” and realized that we do have issues and he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t see any hope. He said that he wants to be with me, he doesn’t want to break up, but he needs to get rid of this feeling of using me, fooling me. That he needed some sort of a direction, a hope. Since we stopped writing and started a call in Skype, I couldn’t talk much because he was crying so hard. I wanted to ask him what he meant by not being able to give me what I want and tell him that we already got a direction – we started working on our issues and this is where we’re going from here…but nothing I said reached him. I didn’t know what to do, but he basically asked me to break up with him because he would feel like an asshole if he did it. So I just…ended the call and begged him to calm down and just think about it, because when I’ve had similar crises, he has always managed to calm me down and made me see hope again. But I guess I’m not that good at it, because we are now officially broken up and our mutual friends that partied with him this weekend, told me that he is moving on (emotionally, I guess, I don’t think he already has a rebound) and I shouldn’t try to change his mind, because his decision was final. I am confused because it just seemed like a emotional breakdown and I didn’t even get to explain myself or ask for explanations. We haven’t talked since that night, but I sent him a letter (in which I said that I don’t need an answer to it) where I just explained about the moving in together and that we did start working on our problems, that’s the direction I saw. I do not plan on contacting him anymore because of what our friends said, but I’m just really confused. I really did love him with all my heart, no matter how troubled we were at times and I really felt like he was the person I could see me going together for many years. How do you get over someone when there are so many unanswered questions and that someone has even said that they don’t want to break up with you, but some feeling is bothering them too much. Feelings pass, but I guess it broke something inside him and he just…doesn’t want to risk it anymore? How should I go on? What if he comes back to talk to me after some time is passed (the last time we broke up, it was him who first started speaking to me again and who eventually asked me if I wanted to get back together)? I just feel really sad, because he was one of a kind and we clicked really well, I feel really bad about losing a person that important to me…
Alya

July 30, 2015 at 11:45 pm

My Boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and we had our ups and downs but we loved eachother and we were best friends. Unfortunately though, he lied very often. He stood me up, he didn’t really make an effort to be there for me when I needed him and he never made plans with me. He smoked a lot of pot and has conflicts of his own, which he however never had to face alone and he was thankful that I helped him through everything. Then one day, just the day after he told me how happy he was at that moment and that he really loves me and he needs me etc, he cheated on me. But he told me about it right after it happened. He said he was drunk and she touched him all the time and so on. He begged me on his knees to give him a second chance. Ge told me he couldn’t be without me. He bought me flowers etc and swore to quit partying and drinking for as long as it takes me to forgive him and he swore to look for a job and do something with himself. After hearing all of that I decided to give him a second chance. Which he totally messed up. He felt like a child because I didn’t trust him and wanted to know where he was and with whom. But how could I trust him this fast after him cheating on me (about 3 weeks later). So one evening he came to my place because I was feeling really bad. And instead of being there for me, he was going on about how he couldn’t help me because he had his own problems. And he was whining about how he felt bad about cheating on me and that it was really stressing him out and that it’s much worse for him than for me and so on. So at one point I just couldn’t take it anymore. All the self-pitty and the constant whining about his problems, which are basically that he felt bad that he doesn’t have any problems (yes, he is very philosphical).so I gave him two options. 1: I would forget all about the cheating. I would forgive him and we could start fresh and do things differently and work on this together.
2: He can stand up and leave and never ever come back.
Abd after three years of what seemed a happy relationship, he decided to stand up and walk out that door and leave me sitting there. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t say a word.
So right now I feel like an idiot. For loving him, for being with him this long, for wasting time on a guy that would just leave. And the worst part is that I still love him so so much. And I’m not a person to pitty myself or try and get someone back who did me wrong. But I just can’t stop the crying. Every single time I’m alone I cry. Not a soft cry but a loud one. A full on screaming-gasping for air – migraine – cry. As much as I tell myself that it’s not worth it and that I am going to be alright and that I’m not a worthless person, it still won’t stop the crying. And I seriously can’t handle it anymore. It’s driving me crazy. And I go out with friends and I took on a new hobby and cut my hair and bought new furniture and got rid of his stuff and didn’t contact him, his friends or his family. I have a gym membership, I don’t listen to break-up songs and I don’t just sit there and think about him. I tried everything but I still can’t stop crying.
Please, I really need some advise.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:02 pm

How long have you been in no contact for? Its a personal decision if you want to take him back or not. Just know that his personality type is one of those that would cheat on any woman he is with so don’t take it to personally. Also if you get him back there is a good chance he might cheat again. What is your goal at this point? To move on or get back with him? If you want to get back with him you will have to do no contact for 30 days and act like the things he did didn’t phase you. Act over confident in this situation.

sera

July 29, 2015 at 9:36 am

I was on and off with my ex after breakup– didn’t know about nc back then, if I did it would’ve made a hell of difference. tried nc at somepoint, it made him miss me, then attraction seemed to be built again but I missed it up. I started nc again but he came crawling to me, I ended after 10 days and I accepted his appology, but then in only one week we argued and he, in a second, blocked me everywhere.
I waited a month then tried to call. didn’t work out, he hanged up. was really mean.
another month… the same.
next month texted. no reply.
now it has been almost 4 months since he blocked me. im willing to move on, I want to… but I think I want him back. we were friends for 4 years before we got into a relationship. it’s kinda feel meaningless. I don’t know. what do you think?
kl

July 26, 2015 at 5:02 pm

Am i bad thinking that every man does not have the capacity to love like woman does. Just seeing every man alike ryt now. Just wanna loose my grudge. Maybe i should change and stop being a woman who’s impossible to find it’s worthless and useless.
sosina

July 26, 2015 at 10:42 am

Hi me and my boyfriend we have been together for 9 month we were insanley inlove he broke up with me a few days ago because we fight abt every little things and im hurting i feel like im drowning i cnt seem to do anyting ryt I dont now what to do we are in the same camapus so theres no way to avoid him…. I see him everywhere I go, what should I do?
Amy

July 13, 2015 at 10:56 pm

Hi Chris,
I met my ex boyfriend in the end of September, 2014, it is now 2015, so we had been good friends for about two months, and dated for 7 months, whether it sounds like it wasn’t a long time, it felt like forever to me, during those 10 months we had amazing moments and shared great memories together, we made awesome ones actually, there memories that I can’t even erase without going out and it reminding me of him, we did everything together, everything, he was pretty much my bestfriend, and he meant so much to me, I had never felt this way for anyone ever, it was such a new and great feeling in the beginning, but things started to get bad, he would break up with me so many times during oh relationship, it’s like yeah I’m not perfect, i am far from perfect, I’m a very jealous person but only because i was protecting what was mine, and since I had never felt this way, “in love” I didn’t want to lose him, I was scared of losing him, I was scared that he would find someone better then me, and now that I think about it, I’m stupid for have even thinking that way because he was with me for a reason, I just didn’t like that I felt not good enough for him, he tried so hard in the beginning, and after a while I began to feel like he didn’t care about me anymore, it’s like he would tell me he did and he would tell me what I wanted to hear, but then when things would get hard or rough, he would leave, he would break up with me, and each time he would do that, it caused me so much damage and he didn’t even know it, I would cry so hard, and I would beg and beg and beg him not to leave me, and I hated that I begged him because I knew it was wrong but I had no control over it, it’s like how could a person have so much power over someone’s feelings? It’s just crazy, each time he would break up with me, he would come back to me, but only because I would beg, and I guess I let him take me for granted because he would give up on me but he knows that I would always be there, I put my self in that position to where he had all control, and I felt so useless, I felt like anything I did wrong, he would walk away from me, do you know how bad that feels? Having to be scared to do anything because you don’t want that person to leave you’re life? It was hell, and it broke me inside, and he had no idea, just last week he broke up with me, and told me he couldn’t do it anymore and that he needed to find piece on his own, that he needed to find himself, and it’s sad because just the week before that, he had also broken up with me and i cried so much that I couldn’t eat, but then we met up and spoke and well things were awesome for a week, and there I thought that we were okay, and that I hadn’t lost him for good, he told me he loved me and that he didn’t want anyone else but me, that no one could ever take the love he has for me away from him, and I believed him, because it’s sad to say that I was the one really in love in this relationship, he’s my first love, and so he left to vacation for a week, he came back and told me through TEXT, not even in person, he ended it all with me, he told me he needed to be alone, and it’s sad how he just let me go like that, we were so close and so good together, and I was always willing to fight for us, no matter what happened or how bad the fight was, I never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but as I was saying, a day after he officially ended it with me, people were telling me he was already talking to someone else, and that’s what made me break down, I couldn’t even handle the pain, I couldn’t, I cried so much, and it’s been a week, and I still feel terribly destroyed and betrayed and lied to and heartbroken, it’s a pain that I can’t even handle feeling anymore, I want it all to go away, I hate him for what he did to me, and I mostly hate that I love him so much. I don’t know if he likes this girl, or if he was already speaking to her while being with me, he told me he wasn’t that type of person, and I truly believed him, I wanted to see the good in him, and I never saw any sign of him talking to any other girl, and I just can’t believe it, it hurts and I feel like i invested so much time on a person that ever cared and didn’t love me the Same way that I love them, I just wish I knew if he really did like this new girlie is flirting with, he doesn’t even know her, so I just don’t understand what he is trying to do, he said he needed time alone, but there he is, already finding a replacement, and it sucks to know that I thought I knew him.. It hurts.
And believe me when I tell you that we ha awesome moments, we had so much fun together always, and we were so comfortable together, and I know that he won’t find that with any other girl any time soon, I just want him to miss me, as to realize that I wasn’t perfect at all, but that I was worth it, and that I am enough, he told me that I wasn’t enough, and he said it just like this ” it isn’t enough for me ” I don’t think I could ever forget those words, they killed me, I’m a human, I’m not a toy, i feel things, and words hurt me, and I just can’t believe that after everything, he told me I wasn’t enough, is unbelievable, I hate him with every bone inside me. And I just don’t know what to do. I can’t handle this pain in my chest, I can’t handle the crying, I just wanna be happy, I need help. 🙁

Kate

September 7, 2015 at 3:48 pm

Hi amy, what a coincidence that our situation is nearly the same. I’ve been good friends with my boyfriend for 2 months then around 7 months we went out. Well It’s been a few days since my break up. I also begged everytime we had silly fights. Whenever I complained about something he would stop talking to me because he said he could not see me being hurt and it was better for me to leave him. But I was so in love with him, he hardly talked to girls and flirting with others was the only thing I would least expect from him. I felt the luckiest girl on earth when he used to tell me that he thinks of me whenever he sees a girl. Nevertheless, with time we became possessive towards each other and this increased the fights. I always wanted him back and felt that I was not worth his love. Then came a day he told me he loves me wholeheartedly but we cant be together anymore because things are not working out. Again I begged , and this time his decision was final. Today im here ,crying all day long, the nights are worst. I’m so lost in his thoughts, and right now I really can’t take the pain. Break up is so hard!
Amy

July 13, 2015 at 11:05 pm

Also, I feel like I’m trapped, i don’t know what to do, I’m so tempted to talk to him, I want to know if he really likes this girl, I hate him so much, I just I don’t know what the heck to do, I deserve better, but I just wish it were him and no one else

Lily

July 13, 2015 at 8:03 pm

Chris, I have read everything you wrote and listened to your poadcast. I am in a pretty messed up situation or rather I am just out of a messed up situation. I met this guy and we started a LDR, he moved to Amsterdam for work (he is 28) and I had to stay in Paris for college (I am 20). everything worked out great, we were happy and communicating everyday. I was pretty open about my past but he was shaddy. (fast forward) I visited him to spend a week together, everything went well until I started having questions about our Relationship like “what are we?”; “where do you see us?”, “when was your last Relationship?” to all those questions he replied that he could not say he loved me but he cared deeply, he said something about rekindling our love when I am 45 (which was weird to me). he also said that his ex gf and him broke up six months prior. i was not satisfied with the answers so I snooped and found out they were still in contact and they stayed together for years but the distance (she is a columbian) broke them apart. he called her the love of his life. after I come home I told him about her and gave him a choice : either me or her but he can’t have it both. after a few weeks he dumps me because of me going on a foreign exchage program in Atlanta, that LDR with the ex has disappointed him…but I felt that there is more to the story, so after a 40 NC, I sent him a message which he replied to, fought a lot, flirted and then he went back to the silent mode, I then told him I needed some kind of closure and asked him to pick out of multiple choices how he felt and what he should say (which to me is the truth) : why didn’t he fight for us? i there any chance for us to get back together or this option is closed? or he could even say: thanks for everything, or we had great intimate nights but that was it really.
He chose “thanks for everything” which is fine to me.
now I want to know if there’s hope for us in the future? what do you think of that soap opera mess? can you light me about his behavior? i am confused (like I said we never argued, always had fun, talked about the future, everyhing felt super natural and easy).
if us is not possible, how can i go through this feeling of being used? how to trust and love again?

thanks and sorry for the long post
Miya

July 8, 2015 at 4:02 pm

Hey Chris,

So I’ve got myself into a kinda complicated situation…

There’s this guy I’ve had a crush on since Oct. 2013. We started to get intense contact en started dating since July 2014.. But there’s just one big problem.. Because I’m not planning to have sex before marriage I always let him be free to meet other girls and stuff so he can still fulfill his needs. You can tell we were having a friends with benefits accept for the ‘real’ benefit. Condition was, he had to tell me everytime he is going to meet with a girl which he did in de beginning. After last new year things got more serious between the two of us, and he stopped telling me about other women which made me think there aren’t any others.

Almost a month ago I saw conversations in his phone with 3 women, and i read he even met one. After reading all of that i was pretty messed up. Especially ’cause I thought we got more serious and all.. After ignoring him for one week we spoke things out and we left our situation open as in we didn’t make any plans of continuing or quitting everything.

Recently he came to me, told me he had been thinking for a while and he came to the conclusion. His conclusion frankly shocked me.. He told me he wants to make us ‘official’. As you can imagine I was incredibly happy, it finally happened after a year!! Though, as good as I know him.. I knew it wouldn’t last for a long time. He was always busy talking to girls, especially when he was bored. How would he stop doing that after being used to it for so long? He convinced me he could resist the temptation and he showed me he deleted all of his contacts (even on FB) and deleted all conversations and history so he couldn’t contact them again.

I seriously couldn’t be any happier until three days after it was ‘official’. He started telling me he was feeling the need to start adding girls etcetera.

Like seriously? Can you believe this!?

He told me he wanted a break because he wants to fulfill his needs and stuff like that, but I’m not into that. I feel so ashamed of myself after being so happy. Anyway, I broke up with him. I’ve had it with his behaviour even though it was my own fault in the first place.

My question to you, what is the best thing to do? Wait for him untill he’s done with his ‘break’ or should I just forget him, move on and follow the ebove steps?

I sincerely hope you can help me, I’m really stuck and I don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:24 pm

I think you should do whats best for you right now.

I don’t ever condone waiting around so I think you should just focus on yourself for right now and if he comes around later you can make a decision then.

F

July 1, 2015 at 11:03 pm

So it’s been 3 weeks since the breakup, and I haven’t contacted him at all. Well he called me up 2 days ago, i answered the phone. No not on purpose, I did have an “ex boyfriend cleanse” and deleted everything of him from my phone and I was waiting for a call from future employers and I thought his number was one of it. He just asked the normal “how have you been? Just wanted to check up on you.” I gave him a generic answer, short and sweet and hung up. For the rest of the day and the day after, all I could think about was, “what did the phone call mean?” After thinking about it for a long time, I decided it didn’t matter what it meant. The breakup was nasty, secrets were revealed, nasty things were said (not from me of course) and I don’t think there’s ANY type of relationship to go back to (not even on a civil friendly terms) just the way I was treated. So last night, I texted him, “so I do appreciate you calling me and checking up on me. However, I don’t think 3 weeks is enough time to actually let all the dust settle in. I’m doing a great job taking your advice and moving on. I do wish you the best. Thank you for everything you’ve taught me and now I’ learning to appreciate everything now. Take care!” To which he only replied “take care F”. I’ve also sent ALL his stuff back to his house a week after the break up to which I texted back with “hopefully, you got the stuff I sent you the mail, I don’t have a tracking number and would hate to see it get lost in the mail. Thank you for everything again.” Which he didn’t reply to.

Now am I completely over it? No, obviously I’m still hurting but I did decide to make myself feel better and responded in a way that I know he never expected. Now my question is, should have I not sent that last text message?
Brianna

June 19, 2015 at 10:12 am

Hi chris ,

I really hope that you reply to my comment because I really need help ( like really ) lol , but I been with someone for the past 3 years but my in my opinion it was magic to me because the thing he wanted was Sex from me . And how I know that is because , he was a faithful , sweet boy before we had sex and then afterwards he changed into somebody who I don’t like . We been on and off lately he cheated on me twice one time was 2 years ago and he had another girl behind my back which I don’t really know what I did . And we started going back out in May and one of his friends told me that he cheated on me once again with another chick behind my back . I been doing everything right I never did something wrong I try to make our relationship work like comfront him about how I feel and he never was that talkative person , he always thinks I’m trying to start something with him but really I’m trying to make everything right . He comes back to me every month and say hey to me , but sometimes I don’t wanna talk to him and sometimes I do , I’m addicted to looking at his Facebook page and everything like I really need help to move on with him , now he has a new chick now who I really feel bad for because I know she’s going to go through the same thing I dealt with , and she gonna get used and I’m just mad because I wasted my time for nothing , I’m just wondering why can I move on from somebody that mess me over a lot cheated on me twice , we out with 4 other girls right in my face and that I didn’t wanna give up . . . . How I feel right now I don’t have feeling I’m just mad that wasted a lot and I really really wanna move on ✌️
Paige

June 17, 2015 at 3:52 am

Well I’ve have never done this before but I am in much need of advice. Please e-mail me if you are real deal.
Thanks in advance, and I sincerely hope to hear from you.
LaLa

June 11, 2015 at 1:46 am

Hey Chris, I just broke up with my boyfriend this Monday after 2 years. I broke up with him because he constantly reminded of mistakes that i made but flip out if I even tried to hold him responsible for anything he does. The last week of our relationship was strictly sex and nasty arguments. For months he would neglect me and put me down. Valentines day,our anniversary, and even prom were made to be unimportant. He even told that he didn’t do anything special because he felt like I did not deserve it. Since then, I knew that it had to end. In our final argument he asked me if i want to be with him anymore (in effort to get me to digress) and I said that I no longer wanted to. It was only then that he began to pretend to care and tried to convince me to stay. The Monday after then I broke up with him after almost an hour of him trying to convince me. I told him that I lost myself trying to save him from his issues he had at home, and that it was time for me to focus on myself. in that moment in time I meant it. I thought it was a pretty successful breakup it wasn’t nasty or argumentative. I felt okay until I brought him his stuff and he was being rude to me. Then I felt lied to, because all of the crap that he was telling me to get me back must have been a lie. He threw subs (mean ones) on facebook and i found it hard not to cry. I didn’t post anything in retaliation because Im not trying to be messy. I just can’t help but feeling so much more like shit because even until the very end he lied about how he felt about me. looking back on it now i feel like I was having sex with him to win back his love and affection, and that did not work. I feel like a fool. Im trying to move on but it hurts to leave two years of my past behind. I know that the decision that I made was for the best but how do I keep from blaming myself?
Lenette

June 10, 2015 at 3:22 am

Hi Chris,

I am deeply hurt, we were in a relationship for almost 8 years. For 5 days now, there is no contact whenever i call he kept my number in a reject list. What do i do? Whenever i call from anywhere he will say stop calling me. I have no where else to go. I never knew that small fight will ruin my 8 years of relationship. Please Help!!!
lisa

June 8, 2015 at 8:25 am

HI Chirs,

Im in a pickle – had year of push me pull me after what started for the first 8 months as a fab relationship.He will say its over and he moving on and going on dates but then I find its lies, we hook up again and the cicrle begins again. He tells me to leave him alone and stp contacting him, then after a week its all ok again??? Just yesterday he got nasty with me and when I said ok he backed down and said see you later, but he never contacted me as he said when he got back. We are both middle aged and divorced and Im his first relationship since his 27 yr marriage ended 3 years ago, I just dont think he knows how to be in a relationship adn its tearing me apart. Now my stomach in knots as he never contacted me last night, I sent a good morning text and still not head back, I think the text I will get is another its over go away text. My friends say walk away but Im struggling to do that and I dont know why
Elia

June 8, 2015 at 3:23 am

Hey Chris!
To start off with… I started my relationship with my ex only a month ago and that was on fb… He broke up wth me for no good reason. My concerns towards him were considered fake by him… When I use to complain to him why he ignores me at times he would fire back that he isn’t and I am talking bull-shit.
He wasn’t like this in the beginning. He turned out this way when I told him.that my ex(the one before him) wanted mh number. After all this he started reacting i a pesky way… I just want to know whether he was cheating on me or not?
Btw… He use to tell me thst I was his first gf…. I dont believe that though!
I will be waiting for ur reply.
P.S. I am 17 and he is 18… I hope that helps too.
ellen

June 1, 2015 at 10:27 pm

Hey half way through the article I hadn’t realized you were a guy. Am surprised and amazed. Also, thank you so much for such detailed steps towards getting over the ex. I especially loved your mean pep talk. It was exactly what I needed. Cannot wait to get over this phase and be done with. No more fear no more self pity. 🙂

YAB

June 9, 2015 at 5:32 am

I just want to thank you so much for this article. I dated my ex for about a year, he broke up with me last May (unknown reason). He stopped talking to me for a month then we stayed in contact and slept with each other until August when I left for school. We got in this huge argument in September and we haven’t spoken or seen each other until about a month ago. He’s dating at the moment and he talks to one female seriously. It amazes me that after 6 months of zero contact I am still deeply in love with this man. We slept with each other this part Saturday and a day later I heard he was going on a dare with a female. Him and his best friend are also suspiciously close. I go back and forth trying to decide whether or not I should get over him because he’s the first and only guy to make me feel like something, like in beautiful but I constantly get hurt by him and u don’t think he appreciates me. And no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get over him. I read your article, however we have mutual friends and I don’t know which path to chose and I need reassurance that I’m making the right decision.

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