How Long Will It Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?- The Three Timelines

733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Cydney

November 4, 2014 at 12:47 am

Hello! My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago and I have had no contact with him since. However, he did text my sister and ask if I was doing okay. She replies with “she’s great” and he replied”really? Well, I was jw cause she wasn’t showing up at work. Watch over her for me please. Sorry to bother you.” We only dated for about 6 months and then I recieved a text saying that “we are in two different places” and that I “smother him”. He also just said “I need time.” He is in the stage of going to parties and being sociable and I am more mature but do enjoy partying also. We always had a great connection and currently work together, which is where we met. He has always been a fun loving guy and very sweet, but does not always get along with his family, but mine loves him. He always told me that I was the only person he trusted and never wanted to let down. I tend to get excited about the future and talk about it constantly, so I understand the “smothering part.” He is also homeschooled, and I go to public school, which makes me feel like he wasn’t.. What’s the word.. Used to.. Relationships. he has always been somewhat to himself but opened up with me around. I was wondering your thoughts on his behavior and if it is a lost cause or if I should play the waiting game. Thank you.

admin

November 20, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Dont forget the fact that he is very young as well and men mature slower than women.

Nik

October 14, 2014 at 7:58 am

Hi Chris. Was with my ex for 8 years (lived together for 4) 8 months ago I ended things with him, he was devastated and begged me to reconsider. After 2 months of constant attempts to win me back (I was still living there in the spare room) I told him I wanted to give things another go – to which he declined – I was shocked. I moved out and since then we’ve had limited contact. I’ve seen him once which was 3 months ago and we ended up in bed together, after which he practically threw me out and I didn’t hear from him for 4 days. When he did contact me he apologised and said it was too hard for him to be in contAct with me. Again There was limited contact and I tried to reach out to him several times. I miss him every day. I have had no contact with him for 6 weeks and recently found out he has a new girlfriend who has “met the family” which I know to him would be a big deal. What can I do?

admin

October 14, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Does the new girl have any rebound signs?
Nik

October 14, 2014 at 10:16 pm

Thanks for the reply
Onlyy rebound signs are…
– he went looking for another relationship about a month after we broke up, even when he was trying to get me back(joined dating websites etc) said it boosted his ego after me rejecting him.
– she is everything he always said he didn’t like in a girl (high matainence, superficial, not his usuall type in looks department)
– he still keeps in contact with my family (birthday cards, text messages etc)
But on the other hand I think he’s been seeing her casually for about 4/5 months so it’s obviously gradually turned I to something more serious.
Do I just let it run it’s course? Is it time to walk away?
I’m only not in contact with him because he asked me not to be as he found it too difficult., I was afterall I one who initially ended things.

Rachel

September 23, 2014 at 3:02 am

I am an “ungettable” girl, therefore when I spend my time on a man, I expect to see a return on my investment. When I broke up with my former best friend of 10-years (he chased me for 8), I was disgusted with him for wasting my time. When he finally caught me, he was clueless with what to do next. I guess he never planned that far ahead. Do I love him, he’ll yeah, am I in love with him, most definitely. The question then becomes: do I love him more than I love myself? Answer, he’ll naw! Sometimes you really do have to love them enough to let them go. I broke off ALL contact in every form. I decided the best thing to do is be successful, successful in who I am. It’s hard as hell, but keeping busy is the answer and also brings back your sense of worth. I enrolled in a graduate program and joined a professional organization. One day he may return, I may even consider taking him back, but probably not. Why would any woman want a man they have to force, threaten or manipulate into a relationship?
Gracie

June 16, 2014 at 10:09 pm

Is the medium term thing, not contacting him AT ALL for 4-8 months?

admin

June 17, 2014 at 8:35 pm

No the NC is completely different.
Lou

June 18, 2014 at 8:11 am

So how long should I wait before contacting him? He say’s he needs his space and hes ‘not going to talk to me for a very long time.’ Is waiting three months (NC) too short for a guy like this?
Lou

June 26, 2014 at 5:41 pm

can you please reply to the question..
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:30 pm

Sorry have been preoccupied this week with a lot of stuff. Can you ask the question again for me?

WW

June 15, 2014 at 6:28 am

Hi Chris,

I’m on NC 1week now. should I text my Ex wishing him a Happy Fathers day? He has two daughters from previous relationships.

Thanks!
Jess

June 3, 2014 at 12:26 pm

Hi Chris,

Not sure how much info you need, but here is a synopsis:

We’ve been breaking up/making up since January. Mostly because I beg (this is what I believe), so the make ups are pretty short. 6 weeks ago was our most recent make up which occurred only because I begged and promised things would be different–and they were. But last week, when my insecurities got the best of me (he’s not innocent, but it wasn’t the end of the world), I became upset and it effected my behavior. He was frustrated and said “we’re just too different, we’re not right for each other.”. I felt that was a little dramatic, but we moved on and didn’t break up. Repeat the same thing the next night and the day after. 3 bad days resulted in the last break up. We live together, so he’s had to go through my ups and downs and it’s clearly taking it’s toll on him, and scaring me that this is the final break up. He says he’s done, that he doesn’t believe he’ll ever want me back. He says that despite the fact that things have been better as promised (despite those 3 days) he still doesn’t think his feelings will change and that it’s best we move on. Yes, I’m upset, why was he willing to go through it the times before, but then once things finally get better (I’ve been doing things to improve myself), has he decided that now he’s done?

I guess I want to know if it’s too late?

Ps. We still live together for the next 2.5 weeks. Then we both go to California, only we won’t see each other on the trip except on the plane.

Truly appreciate your input.

Lou

June 17, 2014 at 1:08 am

I have a similar thing with the ups and downs as you. I dont know if its serious for good this time – that he;s actually fed up with all the ups and downs. because thats what it seems like…
Miranda

June 19, 2014 at 5:08 am

My ex-boyfriend (we’ve been broken up 3.5 months now, haven’t talked in 2.5 months)…also was so willing to “work on” things for a long time. But he finally got to a point where he couldn’t take our fighting anymore. He’s “done.” (I’m hoping he’s not really done, but the last thing he said 2.5 months ago was that he was done.) He was sick of me fighting with him.
admin

June 5, 2014 at 5:29 pm

Right now… just be a respectful roommate.

kiyah

May 27, 2014 at 2:27 pm

My ex is going through depression right now so he’s not his self anymore and idk what to do or say to him to get him back. He did say he wants to be with me and wants me to wait but he Kent giving me any reason the wait for him. I don’t want to move on but he’s pushing me to do that without even knowing. Should i just go NC for a couple months?

admin

May 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Are the two of you broken up?

Red

May 7, 2014 at 2:52 am

Chris,

Your site is amazing. Thank you for your honest thoughts and comments on us women who have been through breakups. I admit its really hard, but I’m glad you’re both blunt and kind to what we should be doing instead of mopiong.

I’m about to buy your book. Actually, if you recognize my email address, I emailed you some time ago about my situation but I totally understand if you don’t reply. Anyway, I just need some quick advice.

My bf and I were together for six years until he told me he needed to “improve himself” (aka “its not you its me”). He also told me he wanted me to learn happiness without him since I got really attached when I was stressed at graduate school. Anyway I accepted his reasons but I also suspected that he liked someone from his office — and bingo, I was right. Anyway, I didn’t initiate no contact immediately because when I tried he panicked, and I caved in. I only initiated no contact recently, around 1 month after break up, but after I committed a lot of mistakes, especially begging! I knew it wouldn’t work but I just felt so sad and emotional that I did it anyway. I wish I found your site sooner.

The thing is, though, I really want him back but I really don’t think I can get through him right now. I’m almost into two weeks of no contact. I don’t mind how long it takes to get him back. I want to show him that I can change for him, stop being needy, find my own happiness, but I want to share all of that with him in the future. But at the same time, I am scared of this new girl he likes. He confessed to her and made moves on her immediately after our break up 🙁 and I found out he was already flriting with her during the month prior to our break up when we were arguing a lot.

Do you think I can still implement the stuff on your book even when he’s dating another girl? I think I definitely have greater hold on him, given the time we spent together (six years is not a regular feat!). I want him to remember that we were once sure of each other. I don’t care how long it takes. I know I might change my mind in the future, but right now, this guy is worth it.

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:43 pm

I will reply!

I am going to be straight with you. I earn money from the book so I can’t really be unbiased. I think it can help you a lot but if you want an unbiased opionion you might want to check out the comments section and ask someone here who has bought the book.
Red

May 22, 2014 at 1:04 am

Hey Chris, regarding my question. In your honest opinion, knowing my story, do you think 30 days of NC is too much, enough, or too little? (It’s probably not too much.)

I mean my guy has so many issues with himself and with me. I’m scared of him moving on, though… what do you think?
admin

May 22, 2014 at 4:05 pm

Start out with 30 days but if he starts bugging you like crazy you can shorten it to 21 days.

Nata

May 5, 2014 at 7:02 am

Chris, I have a question. When you say medium timeline in which case you get back together after 4-8 months from the break up, do you mean 4-8 month of no contact or with some contract and of course 30 days of NC????
Thanks

admin

May 6, 2014 at 7:04 pm

4-8 months after the breakup.

swenlymiko

April 14, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Hi chris im swenly my bf broke up with me 4 days ago I really love my exboyfriend, recently he texted me this is before we broke up he just text
e that he broke up with me not to be on pain nor cheated I trust his words because he has a financial problem and also a big problem that’s why I understand why we break up,but when he texted me I go to his house and do some explanation he just listens then I slam his forehead to mine but instead to be angry he just smile and said to me take care he said hes sorry because he didn’t spoke a singlve word because he didn’t want to hurt me more and say thank y ou to me.. do you think theres a chance getting him back? Im now on the process of NO CONTACT RULE and its 4 days from now. And then he unfriended me on fb. But still I read his recent post he says “there will be a time” and I notice that he didn’t delete our pictures

swenlymiko

April 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm

I mean he said this is his recent fb status posting “Darating ka rin sa tamang oras” which is like in english “you will be here on the right time” I dont want to be excited but do you think its for me? Because before I know im a needy and clingy gf but I understand my mistakes and dont want to do it anymore and this broke up made me realize and learn to be matured. I wish I get him back because he said to me before that when we broke up he thinks that it is hard to move on maybe I can trust my ex bf on his words right? Pleaseee help me and I will appreciate your answers thank u pleasse godbless

Anonymous

March 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Hey, this is probably comment #84 or something but my situation keeps changing (and you keep answering so why not!)

So I broke no contact and I found out that my ex is most likely bipolar (but I’m not gonna go into details bc that would be rude). Right now is the depressed part (obviously) which is why he broke up with me, because he feels guilty and while he has feelings for me he “can’t act on them right now.” He also said not to wait for him but it’s not like I’m gonna jump into a new relationship anytime soon. I haven’t been single since high school and if I can’t be with this guy it might be time to relearn how to not be in a relationship.

Anyway I texted him this morning and told him not to worry about my feelings, just focus on himself and I hope we can talk soon. So do I ignore him for a month? That seems kind of insensitive in this case. I was thinking I would leave him alone for like 2 weeks and maybe check up on him again? Nothing on this website really applies except probably no contact because he said I didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t want more space, I wasn’t being too emotional and I was the only thing that wasn’t stressing him out. Also me being happy on Facebook/in life won’t make him want me back. It sounds like he wishes he could be with me, he just can’t atm (correct me if I’m wrong though!!). He just doesn’t want to hurt me or whatever and he hated the way he was treating me (which wasn’t even bad but he’s depressed so he thinks it was, he just seemed distant).

So if you have any general advice about this that would be lovely. Also if anyone that isn’t Chris wants to comment that’s cool too. I want everyone’s input! 🙂
Ebriayna

March 26, 2014 at 7:22 am

I figured out that my boyfriend starting seeing another girl. He tells me that she is “just cool” but then i see post on facebook of him saying “she got me” but 3 days before that post he posted “love…tf is that”. He said that i pushed him away with how i would treat him, making him feel unloved & unappreciated. I have talked to others during our relationship as well, but he just never found out. It was nothing serious like his new one seems to be. The girl posts pics of him with her. I love him & want him back. I admit i wasnt the best girlfriend i should have been. I broke the #NoContact rule today, im starting over tomorrow. Could he possibly fall in love with this new girl or does it seem as if he is just using her for comfort? He says he just needs time to think, i told him ok. I asked him but can he not hang with other female, he says yea but he cant guarantee it. Then later that day he’s with her. I love him so much & took him for granted. Can you give me your opinions & thoughts about my situation, please?
sara

March 18, 2014 at 10:02 pm

Me and my ex had dated for almost a yr then broke up for 5 months, lived 2 hrs away, and got back together for over a year and he broke up with me for being jealous n all the dumb girl things I have done. its been 8 months now, and for the first few months, we talked, hungout, he’s said a few times he still loves me but think things wld b like how they were before arguing over silly thihs and fighting. we both love each other and neither has been with anyone else as far as i know the whole 8 months. we hangout sometimes n ik that prollu shouldn’t happen but we have such a great time wen we r together. i did all the wrong things in the begining months and we didn’t even have a NC period. maybe a few weeks but that’s it. I’m at the crosswords
Alicia

March 15, 2014 at 2:57 am

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. Went 17 days of no contact, but caved and sent him a text. Luckily it was a positive response back from him but didn’t want to push my luck, so I didn’t reply. We also work together so ignoring him is impossible sometimes. The other day we crossed paths and spoke briefly and he complimented my new hairstyle and said he liked it. The 2nd time we ran into each other he seemed way more comfortable around me and spoke first. The remainder of the day when we crossed paths, we would smile at each other. He even held the door open for me once. Should I continue no contact? (By the way, I did start NC over after I sent him that text, but since we work together, it’s hard to ignore him without coming off as rude)
Jordy

March 13, 2014 at 4:18 am

Idk what to do I lost my boyfriend and I cry every night I love him so much and idk how to get him back he’s said no a lot an he likes his BFF bri and all his friends hate me and there’s a lot of drama and I want him back for a second chance how long should, I wait for him and what should I do plzz tell me
Melissa

March 12, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Hi Chris, I am currently on the NC Rule since Monday..However, my ex-bf keeps texting me every night asking “how are u” and I would respond “Good and U?” and end the conversation there..
1. Should I do NC and ignores his text for the next 30 days…or
2. Do I respond in a neutral manner to his texts???

I have a feeling if i completely ignore him for the next 30 days, he won’t ever contact me…
I know you are Extremely busy but I would appreciate your response…
Ange

March 8, 2014 at 3:45 am

Hi Chris

I want to thank you.

No contact has been an amazing gift to myself. It really works. I am happy!

One of the reasons is because I met a guy during no contact and things are getting serious so I decided not to go through with attempting to get my ex-boyfriend back (we were together 2 years, broken up one year, he is serious with his girlfriend of 8 months).

However, I would like to remain friends with him. You never know what could happen in years to come. Only problem is we weren’t really friends when we broke up and only texted occasionally.

So after no contact, what kind of contact should I do to remain a plutonic part of his life, friendly but nothing that is compromising my new relationship with my new boyfriend? I guess I’m asking, how do I stay in the friend zone in a meaningful way?

admin

March 8, 2014 at 7:15 pm

Just invest some time and read some of the latest guides on how to talk to your ex after NC.

Sabrina

March 1, 2014 at 6:12 am

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell! -Chris

Bravo 🙂 you described my ex boyfriend!! Hey why is there a math problem down below when leaving a comment:) to get us entertain and think logicaly?

admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Well, the math problem is so I can see if you can add and subtract things….

No just kidding just kidding. It is to stop spammers.

I took it down b/c too many people couldn’t comment.
Sabrina

March 3, 2014 at 2:37 am

I hope your feeling better saw a comment of yours, you said you were sick, anyhow were 4months Break up that means im on the medium timeline!
admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Thanks! I am starting to feel better.

Charlie

February 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Hi Chris,

I have recently split with my fiancé of 6 years. Some may say out relationship was perfect, but no relationship is perfect. We have a little girl who is 20 months and we have not long moved into our first home together. We lived with my parents for a while before we could move into our home, I experienced postnatal depression and so pushed my partner away and was always saying I hated everything. We split up for a few days because he said he wasn’t happy anymore. I went back home with my LG and he came back for us 3 days later. We managed to get through it until he did it again. I haven’t got any real answers from the break up except he felt so low for so long that his feelings have changed. How can this be the case when he done it previously and came back for us? Can I get him back? X
Christie

February 25, 2014 at 12:52 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 15 months broke up with me around 2 months ago and I’ve been doing all the wrong things these past 2 months. I’ve been a text gnat, begged him, approached him somewhere I knew he would be, wrote him letters, talked to his friends/family, and a lot more. I attempted going into NC, but failed it after 6 days. We have talked a few times where I tried to tell him everything I’d been going through because I missed him and loved him so much. He responded well by telling me similar things (ie. he still cries at night, he still sleeps with the stuffed toys I gave him before…etc), and I was crying so he initiated hugging me before leaving. Sometimes I catch him looking at me when he doesn’t think I’m looking. He has also sent me anonymous messages bashing himself (such as insulting himself, saying I deserve better, telling me to forget about him…etc), I asked him if it was him recently and he admitted that it was. I’m really confused by it all because it seems that he still does love me, but is forcing himself not to be with me because he doesn’t think it’s the right thing for both of us. I believe he’s just scared of us becoming what we used to be in a relationship (trust issues, constant fighting..etc), I’ve told him that we could both work on it to change it but he doesn’t believe it. What do you think I should do? 🙁 Thank you!

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733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”