The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Shar

July 10, 2014 at 9:42 pm

Hey Chris, it’s only been three days since my boyfriend dumped me but yesterday I went a little crazy on the texts and he told me not to text or call him. Will the 30 days NC still work? Oh, and I also know during the time he called he was his is “bad influence” guy friends.

admin

July 11, 2014 at 2:32 pm

I think it can be effective sure.

Lexica Hawthorne

July 10, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Hi! great article! Ok so my ex and I didn’t have a bad break up. He made up excuses but really he called it because he doesn’t do well with stress and was stressed from work. He said its not the right time/moment right now for him to be in a relationship and he cant emotionally handle it right now. I was ok with it and we agreed to go back to good friends like we were before we dated. Do you think that that’s a good sign? I asked about dating in the future and he said maybe. I feel like I am better off than most girls in break ups but I wanted your take on it.

admin

July 11, 2014 at 2:26 pm

I think your better off than most girls too. I woul dstill recommend the NC rule though.
Lexica Hawthorne

July 14, 2014 at 7:31 pm

He already messaged me lol it hasn’t been a week yet since the break up. When we broke up we talked about being friends. I asked him a questions about something not related to the relationship and he didn’t reply (this was last Weds) today he messages me apologizing for not responding and saying he was busy -.- ohkay
Not replying has been easier than I thought =]
Im gonna continue following your advice and I have a good feeling it could work for me =] thanx!
Lexica Hawthorne

July 14, 2014 at 7:38 pm

btw (I don’t know if this makes a difference) but This started caus we were arguing about something and out of anger I suggested we go on a break. we did and a week later is when he said to break up.
admin

July 15, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Give me the specifics of the argument
Lexica Hawthorne

July 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

He loves kids and I want my own some day but I am an only child and don’t know how to be around them and im not used to their energy. We argued about me not liking kids. I got him to understand that I do want kids but not till im comfortable with them. His nephews, 3 years old, and 2 months old, are everything to him and he made a point about me not making an effort which I admitted I hadn’t done and said I would make an effort with. After the fight out of anger I suggested we go on a break. A week later he broke up with me with stupid not legit excuses. We were good friends before going out and I played it cool and agreed to go back to that. To break the ice I changed the subject to an acting class we both take and he didn’t reply. 6 days later he replied with the excuse he was busy when I saw he had been on facebook and posting things. With the no contact rule I didn’t respond. The next day he texted me and said “I thought we were still being friends?” I didn’t reply. I went to my therapist that day and she said there is a difference between space and blowing off. I texted him back and only said ” I meant what I said about being friends but I need some space right now” he replied “you seemed fine a couple days ago”. keep in mind the break up was more than a couple days prior to that so that means he had been looking at my facebook.
To keep my self from checking on him I deleted him off facebook for now and I liked a photo he posted on instagram yesterday and he unfollowed me on instagram.
What do you think about the situation so far?

asha

July 10, 2014 at 12:22 am

hi chris,
i have completed almost 2 months of nc, he texted me multiple times just saying hello, where am i, but i stuck to NC, so now im ready to contact him. can i just directly go into a positive feel good text out of the blue, wouldnt that be strange after 2 months (ie harry potter example) or do i need to kind of have some transition text (ie was out of town? or something?). can you please provide some guidance.

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:30 pm

No you should lead up to it.

Kate

July 9, 2014 at 8:27 pm

Hey Chris,

what is if I texted him with “How are you” after 21 days and got a
neutral repond: first with i’m fine blah blah and how are you? then after I congratulated him on his team winning he just responded: “thanks)”.

When can I move to the next step? How long do I have to wait: couple of days or a whole week maybe?

Thank you!

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:27 pm

I think thats a decent response.

Wait a couple of days.

Becca

July 9, 2014 at 4:40 pm

Hey, just wondering how long do you need to wait between the first contact and talking about good times with them? He answered my first contact, I ended the covo. So when do I send him the next text?

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:17 pm

1-3 days depending on how you are feeling about things.

casey

July 9, 2014 at 3:30 pm

hi. its been 19 days. and i dont follow my boyfriend on instagram and twitter anymore but i know he still checks up on me bc every time i post a pic of me having a good time he tweets some negative thing about women. the other day i posted a sexually suggestive pic but no tits or ass out. it was more cutesy than anything tha just showed the sillouete of my body. i checked his twitter and he tweeted a bunch of things like how girls post the lamest things for attention and that it was disgusting and such. i was so offended it hurt me so much bc he likes photos of girls in thongs and tiits out and stuff but its supposed to be classy bc theyre models? i had my prudest friends approve of this picture and they said it wasnt even inappropriate but cute and quirky. does he hate me now? i know he was slightl jealous but i feel like theres no way hes going to be contacting me anymore after “making fun” of me like that.

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:14 pm

What about Facebook are you still following him there.

No he doesn’t hate you at all. Just dont get jealous. Stay in NC.
casey

July 10, 2014 at 6:45 pm

he doesnt have fb. i dont follow him on anything but his account is public so i still see it. he follows me on twitter but not instagram but judging from his recent tweets he did see my instagram picture. even if he doesnt text first i should text him after 30 days right? also is 40 days too late??

Deann

July 9, 2014 at 12:38 am

Chris,

If my ex and I had a huge blow out argument and I really made things worse by throwing low blows (bringing up what I’ve done for him and so on..) do you think it’s too late? Of course he still talks to me but is very hurt by things that I’ve said. We were together for close to three years and have been broken up for four months. Also will “no contact” work at this point or is it too late?

admin

July 9, 2014 at 2:22 pm

No I don’t think it’s too late.

NC can work mostly if you two have been in contact for those four months.

Mic May

July 8, 2014 at 12:41 pm

Also, I left out another question… When would be best to take down all of our pics off Facebook & Instagram? I was going to yesterday, but I didn’t have it in me to do it, I just started crying more…. I mean 7 months I feel was just thrown out the door & we had so many plans we would talk about doing… I just feel so heartbroken knowing that the guy I cared for the most just walked away from me…
Mic May

July 8, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend & me just broke up literally yesterday…. I feel like an emotional wreck, his reasoning was not justified as I felt because he said it was about my attitude, which all I did was try to calm him down & have effective communication with him when he’d start to flip out. I have been disrespected, but I’m overlooking the bad times & focusing on the good… I have his sweatshirt still…. What do I do with it? I know it’s been a day, but I feel like I lost the one true person I cared for. He said he still cares & loves for me, but if he did, why would he end it? He said he’s been unhappy the last month, I feel like I’m losing out of every situation because when I’m silent/awkward towards his friends he hates it, but once I started opening up & being social I get called fake…. What do I do? I need some help & one that’ll stop my emotions from letting me text him today, the next day, etc. Please help!
nola

July 8, 2014 at 10:21 am

So I’ve used the jealousy text yesterday and the respond was very good. He was like, oh oh someone ? had a date ? How did it go ?

When I did t respond he was in two minuts like. Well ok nevermind.

So I didnt respond on it because I did not how to. How am I supposed to respond here I couldn’t find it in the text.

admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:38 pm

What do you mean? Just start a new conversation thread with him NOT about the jealousy.

Anne

July 8, 2014 at 2:25 am

Your articles are really good and helpful. However what does a girl do if she messed up the no contact the first two weeks and made herself look desprate. What should be the game plan then? What can she do to redeem herself? Also an article about this type of situation would be really helpful for girls who mess up. Especially since the first two weeks are really hard. Any advice would be great I really love this website and how you help people so I decided to purchase your book since you are willing to help so many people

admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Well, honestly I think the best thing is to make it through a full nc without any slipups.
Anne

July 9, 2014 at 12:03 am

Thank u

Lila

July 7, 2014 at 10:39 pm

It’s been almost a year after the break up, we’ve been together for 6 years. I’ve tried a lot of things but couldn’t move beyond friend zone. We would only be talking via text. At some point we were talking on daily basis, had amazing conversations again and he would say that he is happy to hear from me. Then one day he randomly haven’t replied and wasn’t talking to me for two weeks. I got so fed up by this. So after two weeks he texts (just after I updated my profile picture)like nothing happened and asks all of the casual things he usually asks. I ignored. Later, he texts again and asks why am I ignoring him. I probably made the biggest mistake that cannot be undone. I said that I’m tired of these pointless texts and if he really has anything to say, he knows where to find me. He haven’t replied. What are your thoughts on this, Chris? Was it a bad idea?

admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Is talking through text normal for you guys or before when you were dating would you talk on the phone too?
Lila

July 21, 2014 at 3:53 am

Yes, we were mostly only texting when we were dating but then we would see each other quite often. Now he really wanted to be friends but would never make time to see me. Even though we live an hour away I don’t think that is the reason. He broke up over text as well. After six years. We met two month later by my initiative, as I said I was passing by in the neighborhood. When we met he avoided any eye contact.

Pat

July 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for the reply. I would like to ask if he said that he do not love me anymore and he want his freedom. Then in this 1 month of NC, will the feeling for me (if there still a little) fade even more?

I am really afraid of losing him…
Pat

July 1, 2014 at 3:01 am

Hi Chris,
My bf and I broke up recently nearing to our 4 years together. Reasons that he gave was he dont feel that he still love me and he would like to have more freedom. He said that we can still remain as friend. Do you think that NC will work on him please?

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:50 am

I think it can be effective in this case yes.

tp

June 30, 2014 at 7:47 pm

hey, i was wondering what you would suggest for me. My ex broke up with me and his reason was ‘you have fallen for me but i havent fallen for you’ he said he does like me and im lovely. he also said that he is still inlove with his ex. I have tried to move on but i really cant, i do love him. I was so happy with him. please can you give me some advice on what i should do

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:41 am

Question, why did he date you if he hadn’t of fallen for you?

Zoe

June 28, 2014 at 3:12 pm

Hi Chris,
Thank you so much for your very helpful article. I was wondering if you had any experience with the ‘I need to move forward in life’ reason for a break-up. My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off since grade 10 (6 years ago) and when we’re together it is wonderful and we are genuinely happy. Yet, I am the first serious girlfriend he has ever had and sometimes he gets this idea in his head that because of that he has to break up with me and try to move forward with his life. He has used this same reason at least once before – he doesn’t want to marry me and end up like our parents who married young or marry the first person he met in case there is someone better out there – but added that he needed to go and date other people. He eventually came back after a year and we’ve been dating happily for 8 months and then after uni exams the other day he came over basically read me out a list of all the reasons he loved me and that we were happy and how I make him a better person but then said he needs to open a new chapter in his life and he can’t do that if he holds on to me because we are too comfortable and he needs to get out of his comfort zone. I understand that he wants to better himself but not why it needs to involve getting rid of me. Whenever we are apart he doesn’t date anyone else and he said himself that he still loves me and is happy with me, he was crying while breaking up with me and had the words written down so that he could go through with it. I don’t have any unrealistic ideas about being with this person for the rest of my life, but we are happy for the time being and I don’t believe that that should be thrown away. I understand that he may possibly feel stuck but I’ve also seen how we gravitate toward each other and never seem to find anyone else we care for as much as each other. When other girls have turned him down, I am the one he comes to for cheering up and I’m just getting sick of the to and froing and really i just want to know how i am supposed to go about changing his mind. He is a very stubborn person and once he sets him mind on something he is immovable. I know that none of his friends will try to talk to him about this because as a rule they are generally supportive and go with whatever he thinks is best instead of calling him out. When we are together I am the one who makes him stick at things and have more faith in himself etc and as I said he admits that I make him better so yea really I just don’t know what to do. There is nothing wrong with our relationship in either of our opinions apart from the fact that he thinks it is holding him back. Right now I am more concerned about whatever has prompted him to think he needs to change things in his life than my own heart break and he has only been thinking this way since the start of exams and I know that stress clouds his judgement despite the fact that he won’t admit to it. Sorry for rambling, it’s late and I am tired. Thank you for taking the time to read this,
Regards,
Zoe

admin

June 29, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Sounds like he has a bit of the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome.)
Zoe

July 2, 2014 at 1:39 pm

Any idea how to get past that? Or is it just one of those misconceptions people have that they only discover the truth of many years down the track.
admin

July 3, 2014 at 1:02 am

Haha read this,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-grass-is-greener-syndrome-for-ex-boyfriends/

Diamond

June 27, 2014 at 3:29 pm

Hey quick question, while we were together his family and my family got reallly close . Like his little brother would sleep with me in my bed close, there were times I would just pick him up and go out like skating or sum. Today I’m going to a water park with my little brother who gets along really good with my ex’s Brother. Can I ask his little brother if he wants to come ? Would that lessen or greater the chances of getting him back?

admin

June 29, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Umm… thats kind of strange about his brother… I hope the brother was like a little kid and not a grown man.

Diana

June 26, 2014 at 8:07 pm

Well here it goes! Could really use your insight…

My boyfriend and I were together for 8 months and had a really solid, loving relationship. Throughout our relationship, he was always the one progressing things. Said I loved you first, always showered me with love and affection, surprised me with thoughtful gifts, talked about marrying me, was close with my parents, etc. We are different religions (which was never an issue) and he even recently asked me what religion we are going to raise our future child. We were planning vacations with his sister, everything was nearly perfect, we rarely ever fought. But then it all fell apart.

I saw an inappropriate text on his phone where he invited his assistant over to his house late one night. Obviously I was devastated. Also a little background, his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and it ruined him, it is his biggest fear. He would always tell me “if you want to cheat on me, just break up with me instead. I will do the same, cheating is evil and takes a part of your soul” Then all the sudden he nearly cheats on me! As it turns out, the girl did not come over and nothing happened. But that doesn’t take away the intention. I confronted him about it and he was really upset, claimed he was really drunk, she was hitting on him, he wasn’t thinking clearly, and he would never do anything to hurt me. But then he also mentioned that he was starting to worry about how serious our relationship was and he used that situation as a scapegoat I guess. That shocked me because he was always the one leading the charge.

I am 32 and he is 30 and quite simply, he’s not sure if he’s ready for marriage and that’s the path we are on. But as he took a look inside himself to try and figure out why he was so scared, he basically unearthed all these issues that he had been suppressing for a long time (childhood issues with his parents, trust issues, etc.) and it was like a volcano erupted. He kinda had a nervous breakdown in front of me and realized he was messed up and needs help. We broke up because he decided he needed to go to therapy to figure out why he’s self-sabotaging himself and is so afraid of commitment when I’m everything he ever wanted (his words!). He said breaking up was a “necessary evil” so he can sort things out. Although it’s cliché, he kept saying that it really isn’t me at all, it’s all him, his issues, and I agree. I have done nothing wrong.

So here we are 2 months later and I haven’t contacted him at all. A few weeks ago he texted me late at night that he “wants to see me again” “is sorry” and “never wants to see another woman” but then the next day he said he had been drinking and shouldn’t have sent that text because he needs more therapy but that he “thinks about things all the time” and was having a “lonely vulnerable moment.”

I’m just heartbroken because I thought this man was my soulmate and who I was going to marry. There is a part of me that feels like he’s taking the necessary healing steps and maybe he’ll come around but there’s a part of me that realizes that I can’t force him to be ready and he may NEVER be ready (even though at one point he said losing me would be the biggest regret of his life). I also talked to his older sister about this and she says that she thinks he is making a huge mistake, I’m the best thing to ever happen to him, and she will continue to advocate for me.

Anyway what do you think? Do I have any chance at getting him back one day?? Thanks in advance for your insight!

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:34 pm

30 years old and not sure if he wants to get married????

Thats the dumbest thing I have ever heard. YOU SHOULD be sure by that age.
Diana

June 30, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Yikes! Ok fair enough but he is surrounded at work by people in bad marriages, grew up in a volatile environment and the idea of marriage scares him. Or better yet, he doesn’t want to get married just to get divorced a few years later. I’m the first person he could ever see himself marrying and that terrified him because the idea became a reality. I think it’s positive that he’s going to go to therapy and work on his issues, don’t you? Or do you think he’s run for the hills and not coming back? He should be more sure about his feelings?
admin

June 30, 2014 at 3:03 pm

I think it is very positive!

Cynthia

June 26, 2014 at 3:22 am

Hi Chris

My ex broke up with me on Sunday and I have been doing the NC since than but I have to see him on Saturday to get my stuff back. There was something I was wondering about because I didn’t see you mention it anywhere but what if his friends put ideas into his head about me because he told me he had asked them for advice on what he should do and if that’s the case no matter what I try and do he might just tell his friends and they might say to ignore me. Also the people that gave him advice are not very good people to begin with one of them messages other girls and cheats on his wife o.O So what should I do if that’s the case? I can’t really talk to his friends

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:35 pm

What kind of ideas are they putting into his head?

Rhiannon

June 26, 2014 at 12:06 am

I’ve been reeling from a break-up that happened this past Saturday (our one-year anniversary, go figure) and I am going through a lot of ups and downs. For the most part, I’ve been doing okay in terms of getting out and doing things, staying positive (I was even asked out to coffee the day afterwards). The situation was basically we were in a LDR but I expressed my willingness to be closer to him and he’s expressed it as well, even not long before the break-up. Now looking back, the reasons he gave were essentially “it’s not you, it’s me”. Things like he “doesn’t know what he’s doing” and our “age difference”. I’m 23, he’s 26 so I think that’s a bit ridiculous. I just feel like we never had the chance to develop the better part of our relationship because of the distance and that it just ended because of his insecurity. I’m honestly lost as to what to do. I would love for us to get back together, but if I have to move on, I wouldn’t have trouble accepting it if I had to.

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm

How far was the distance? Was it like across the country?
Rhiannon

June 26, 2014 at 4:08 pm

We originally both lived in NYC so it wasn’t always long distance. Then he moved three months later to CT (2 1/2 hours away) which after two months, he asked me to be exclusive with him, even though we were seeing each other once or twice a month. Then because of other circumstances, he moved to Boston in February (4 1/2 hours away). I’ve still been visiting but I was considering moving down there come the fall, then he expressed his “nomadic” tendencies and his inability to stay in one place for long periods of time. At this point, he would have to move back to NYC for anything to work out. Which is why I mentioned that if I have to move on, I’d have no trouble doing so. I am actually in the beginning stages of acceptance and doing better than I thought.
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Has he always had these nomadic tendancies?
Rhiannon

July 14, 2014 at 12:19 am

As we’ve been going out, I’ve noticed the pattern. I was not expecting him to move two months after we started dating since he had only lived in NYC for less than two years. He even told me in our last conversation that when he stays in places for long periods of times, he gets “antsy”. My last visit up to his place was when I noticed his strange pulling away behavior, but the thing that irks me is that three weeks before that, things were still great. Soon after I got to his place, I was on his lap, we were catching up and he kept squeezing me and told me how much he missed me. And at one point his roommate was telling me the prospects of rent if I wanted to move in and he still seemed adamant about it. I’m still so curious as to how he could change his mind so drastically in just three weeks.

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8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”