The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

P

April 26, 2015 at 1:29 pm

So my question from my previous post… So.. should I talk to him? And if I should, I’m not really sure how to start it cause I didn’t really go NC on him since we’re in the same organization but I don’t really go near him to talk…

This was my previous post btw:

“Hi Chris! So it’s been 3 months since me and my boyfriend broke up. A few weeks ago he messaged me that he wants us to be “okay” cause he’s aware that it’s been weird with the both of us. He also told me not to think that he forgot about what we had, and he’s still thankful. He also apologized if ever he hurt me during the break up, and he’s not trying to hurt me anymore cause I deserve a break. He also told me if ever I find another guy to love, he told me to make sure he’s worth it.
So I thought that we’d be okay. Recently I found out that he muted me on twitter (I don’t even tweet much), and he also doesn’t like my instagram posts anymore. (I know it sounds shallow but I’m just observing the then and now). He also tweeted saying “Don’t you have anything good to say?”. I’m not sure if it’s directed to me, but I’ve told some of my common friends that he changed a lot, and I fear that it may have reached him..?
I don’t understand his actions now and I really wanna get in touch with him again. I don’t even text, call or email him at all.
We had a very toxic relationship (but we never hurt each other physically or cheated on each other).”
Nagujja phionah

April 25, 2015 at 2:30 pm

thax for advacing ladies. But why is it that we the ones most hurted? thax
H

April 25, 2015 at 2:04 am

My ex and I have been broken up with for 2 months now, and I’ve been implementing the no contact rule. Recently, he’s been liking and commenting on literally everything I post on Facebook (without me returning the favor) even when it wasn’t necessary for him to. He also posts statuses that I feel like are directed towards me. He broke up with me because he said he was too depressed and didn’t love me. Not 3 days before he even broke up with me, he was talking about coming down to see me for my graduation (we’re long distance) and staying with me for a bit, then we talked about finding an apartment down here together and buying a dog and traveling in the summer… he acted completely happy. While I can get the depressed part, my friends and I don’t believe the no love thing because of his very sudden and extreme changes in emotion, despite him telling me I did absolutely nothing. He acts like he wants me to talk to him but I don’t know what to do at this point. I just miss him and I’m so confused.

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:02 pm

He probably does want you to talk to him. However, if you are in NC then you can’t do that until your period is over.

How far into NC are you so far?

Jaime

April 24, 2015 at 7:16 pm

Hi..I posted somewhere but can’t find it now. I dated him 7 months. It was great and we had a fantastic time every time we were together. This man was very affectionate, adoring, and gave me compliments all the time. He told me he was looking for marriage, etc. but wanted to take things very slow because of past relationships. He told me several times change was very difficult for him (41 never long relationship or ever lived with a girl). In fact, after 7 months he did not ever call me his girlfriend. He is the king of hot and cold….being very intimate and then if I got too close next time he would put his guard up. I basically told him I was going to continue to accept dates because ultimately I wanted a boyfriend and not a sex buddy. He didn’t even put up a fight. He said he was sorry, he’s not good enough for me, and told me to go for what I wanted. It was painful because he clung to me and said over and over how stupid he is because he’s so stuck in his ways. He loves me and told me no other woman has ever “got” him and it was so easy to be with me. He even asked if he could still text me how wonderful, pretty, etc. I am when he thinks of me (he did this every single day). I did NOT want to leave this man, but his unwillingness to make us official made me feel strung along. I asked him how long he was going to drag it out because nothing was going to change in one month or one year. His response was he is just so passive and just thought something would “poof” just happen. He even said he didn’t want his life without me….helllooo then make me your dang girlfriend! After 29 days I sent the text you recommended and he IMMEDIATELY responded asking how things were. It was a 3 text conversation and he seemed very happy to hear from me using smiley faces. It’s been 3 days. How long should I wait? Is it even worth it if this guy has some MAJOR commitment fears?

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 11:15 pm

Yes its worth it and you should keep moving yourself up the value chain with texts.

The next conversation you want to be just as light BUT you want it to last a little bit longer.

P

April 24, 2015 at 3:05 pm

Hi Chris! So it’s been 3 months since me and my boyfriend broke up. A few weeks ago he messaged me that he wants us to be “okay” cause he’s aware that it’s been weird with the both of us. He also told me not to think that he forgot about what we had, and he’s still thankful. He also apologized if ever he hurt me during the break up, and he’s not trying to hurt me anymore cause I deserve a break. He also told me if ever I find another guy to love, he told me to make sure he’s worth it.
So I thought that we’d be okay. Recently I found out that he muted me on twitter (I don’t even tweet much), and he also doesn’t like my instagram posts anymore. (I know it sounds shallow but I’m just observing the then and now). He also tweeted saying “Don’t you have anything good to say?”. I’m not sure if it’s directed to me, but I’ve told some of my common friends that he changed a lot, and I fear that it may have reached him..?
I don’t understand his actions now and I really wanna get in touch with him again. I don’t even text, call or email him at all.
We had a very toxic relationship (but we never hurt each other physically or cheated on each other).

P

April 28, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Hey Chris! Please answer me cause I don’t see why he wants me to talk to him since he seems like he doesn’t want to communicate with me… So should I talk to him? I don’t really see him in person anymore so I don’t really know how to start the conversation..
P

April 25, 2015 at 5:16 am

Hey Chris! I don’t see why he wants me to talk to him since he seems like he doesn’t want to communicate with me… So should I talk to him? I don’t really see him in person anymore so I don’t really know how to start the conversation..
Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 11:03 pm

Sounds like he wants you to talk to him…

In a weird way its like he is chasing you.

Anonymous

April 23, 2015 at 4:24 pm

Hi Chris. I just want to warn you that this is going to probably be a very long comment but I really need your help. My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me over the phone a little over a week ago. We were completely fine before that and there were no signs of us breaking up at all. I called him to vent about something going on in my life and we started having a disagreement about the whole thing and then began fighting. Because of that, some of our past problems got brought back into the fight. The one instance that has been a problem throughout our relationship involves another girl from both of our pasts who caused major problems for the two of us even before we started dating but also when we were dating as well. I have had insecurities about the whole thing ever since all of it happened and it came up that night. I am over it but it has always been something that is on the back of my mind and felt that he never truly gave me the closure and reassurance I needed from it. He always just seemed annoyed with me when it came up and I just wanted to talk. Anyway, after all that he said “If you can’t move past that, then we can’t move forward in our future.” I knew right then where this conversation was headed. From there, he began telling me his reasons for breaking up with me. He didn’t think I was happy with him for the last year, he didn’t want to be a disappointment to me anymore, and that I was not going to reach my full potential if we were together. He said that he was holding me back. I tried telling him over and over again that what he was saying wasn’t true at all but he still ended it. He ended the call telling me that he loved me and that it has to get harder before it gets easier.
The next day I asked if we could talk in person. I came 4 1/2 hours (long distance relationship due to college) so we could talk. When I arrived home, I messaged him and asked if we could talk. This is how our conversation went:
Me:”Can we talk please”
Him: “When”
Me: “I would like to tonight”
Him: “What about”
Me: “Everything that has happened. I think that I deserve that much considering how long we were together for”
Him: “Okay but I’m not changing my mind”
He was just acting so cold towards me. I got angry and started gathering the things that he gave me during our relationship since he had told me that he was bringing me my CD and ipod that I left in his car. I got in his car and we went for a drive but whenever I tried getting him to explain his reasons, he told me that he already explained them and if I can’t understand them then sorry but he understands them. He also played a little bit of the blame game saying that I opened his eyes to a lot of our problems that night. He barely would even look at me when we were talking either. I just wanted to know why and I felt like he wasn’t being honest with me. I also asked why he told me he loved me the night before but still went ahead and broke up with me. He said nothing. I finally gave up on trying to talk because it was a very one sided conversation and I felt like he was annoyed with me so I told him to bring me home. I know I shouldn’t have acted the way that I did at this point but I was angry and frustrated and in shock because I never thought this would happen. I told him that he never disappointed me until now. The only thing he had in his car that I ever gave him was a CD I made and I threw it out the window (I know I shouldn’t have done it but it just happened). When he got to my house, I stopped at the door and told him that I hope he has a wonderful life without me and that it’s everything that he wanted and that I wasn’t sure if he truly loved me and I wasn’t even sure if I would ever want to get back together with him after this. And as I was walking down the driveway I threw up the middle finger (again, I know how wrong it was to do that but I wasn’t thinking).
Even after all that has happened, I still want him back. I have not tried talking to him since that night and he hasn’t tried to talk to me either. But one of my guy friend’s at college who was close to him did and got the same answers that I did. I did not ask my friend to do this and I told him to not do it again. I want him back so much because this break up came out of nowhere and I really don’t understand why, considering he was texting my guy friend a few weeks ago pictures of engagement rings. I want a future with him but I’m afraid that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I have read through this and want to try it but I’m afraid to especially with how things ended. What I’m trying to ask you is, based on everything that I’ve told you…..do you think I should try to get him back?

Anonymous

April 28, 2015 at 12:08 am

I’m just really afraid that he won’t want anything to do with me. I keep thinking back to when he told me that he wasn’t going to change his mind. And he also told my friend that it was over. I just feel like no matter what I do, he won’t change his mind and that he will be really negative towards me when I do try to talk to him. I know this is still really early to be thinking about all of this since I haven’t really tried anything other than implement NC. I guess I’m just afraid that he truly doesn’t miss me and that this isn’t affecting him at all.
(P.S. I want your book so badly but I’m a broke college student :/)
Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:36 pm

Heck yes you should!!!

evelyn

April 23, 2015 at 9:23 am

Hi Chris! 🙂

Me and my boyfriend had been together for 5month, After the one time we fought, and i said to breakup, we cool down for 2days without talking and after that we are fine.

After that we had a promise that if I said to breakup again, we are really done and through. And then One day we fought, i left his house and text him to breakup, as i was so mad at that moment, i cannot think properly, so he said okay, we are really done and finish.

I tell him how mad and insecure i was, and wasnt meaning it (about the breakup) but he say its finish. I when to find him to apologize, he said to give us some time to think. I said okay.

After 2 days I ask him whether he is still mad, he said lets stop, and really breakup. I ask him why, he say because i always say breakup. I tell him to give me one more last chance and trust me. But he doesnt want to listen. I apologize tons of time already. He even tell me that he doesnt love me anymore, does he really mean it? He told my friend that he dont want me anymore.. I really want him back, i cant sleep properly and eat well too. what should i do?

After 3days of breakup, I text a whole long message to him, but he didnt reply. I dont know what he wants, can you tell me what to do?

Amy

April 24, 2015 at 1:13 pm

Omg , I am in a similar situation too. The difference is I was the first one to break-up , but this lasted just for one day, i didnt really meant it and after that , we promised to never give up on our relationship and try to work things out . We failed , though , he said his love started to fade since then and he broke up with me a month after . He broke up with me a month ago, after almost 6 months of being togheter . I really love him and I’m sure he loved me too . Now he says that I need to move on just like he did, that we cant be more than friends and waiting for him is just a waste of time . I was terribly affectated , I begged and pleaded him to not leave me . I did a lot of mistakes after the break-up but maybe there is still a chance . Now I am concentrating on myself , I want to become a beter person but not for him , for me . Maybe I can do this . As an advice .. leave him alone . Let him think , concentrate on yourself , I know you are desperate right now . I was too . Be careful how you act and what you say . You might regret it after . Good luck
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 1:19 pm

I don’t think he meant the “I don’t love you anymore” quip.

Erin

April 22, 2015 at 10:53 am

Hey Chris
Love the re-vamp of the site, the new details and articles.. I’m currently on day 12 of NC. He hasn’t tried to contact me so I feel a little disappointed but I justify come here to re-read articles or listen to all podcast again for encouragement. Thanks for everything that you do!

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:26 am

Me too Erin!

I think its a good new look for the EBR brand.

You are welcome and I will keep churning out those podcasts.

Dee

April 20, 2015 at 12:27 am

My ex and I have been broken up for 6 months now after 2 1/2 years together. We talk almost every day and he initiates most of the contacts. He’s slept over at my house (separate beds) and he will put his hand on my back or playfully shove me. He even hugs me like he used to when we were dating (he likes to lift me up and swing me around). He lets me know what’s going on in his life and his future plans. But he talks about other girls. He has said that none of the girls he’s dated are as good as me but he hasn’t mentioned getting back together. He’s gone as far as saying “If I can’t find another girl like you, I just want to be alone.” If he thinks I’m so great, why isn’t he asking to get back together?
Anonymous

April 19, 2015 at 9:05 pm

I’m sure I’m not the only one but if there were a living testimony to this man’a theories, I would be it.

Leaving a comment has been on my mind for quite some time because I’m more reserved and introvert but I feel it deserves one and is necessary. Perhaps it’ll help other women have faith in this mans content.

_________________________________

John and I broke up in the fall 2014. It was a bad breakup. We raised our voices, we were both tired of this and that, but in the end, I kicked him out and told him hurtful things. The next day he came to “get more things” and my pride was so hurt and huge that I continued to be rude even as he made himself available to me and that’s what did it for him.

He was done.

I cried and cried, saying I’m sorry for what I did, I loved him, I wanted him back. Nothing worked. The more I pushed, the more he pulled away.

Then he went out of town for a trip and the space we had during that time officially did it for us. We had been dating for nearly two years.

I felt like most of you probably do, like there’s no way, it’s over, swallow the pain and wonder how long until you don’t feel it anymore. I’d cry for days on end. I knew I loved him, he was the only man I’ve ever truly loved.

I’m not a quitter, never have been and once the pessimist feeling of maybe never getting him back began to go away, I knew that by God if there was 1 chance out of millions I had with him, I was gonna find that chance, manifest it, do everything I knew I could and get him back.

I began to obsess over this website, I’ve probably read every word, every comment, everything. And it was hard to swallow things like “actually move on” “accept the possibility of him not coming back” at first, but as time went on it made perfect sense and I began to embody everything he speaks of.

The no contact rule? Absolutely fuckin necessary.

I became the “un-gettable” girl. I lost 30 pounds, drowned myself into my own business I started, worked a job on the side, moved into a new beautiful place, got a tan, changed my hair, I mean the works. Pretty soon, he had all of his friends telling him they saw me here and there, on social media, that I was working out, looking good and he knew it. This isn’t to boast about myself, it’s about really doing what this man said with heart, body and soul and it actually fuckin working. So I proceeded to move on with myself.

We didn’t talk for a month, after that, I sent him a text about where some very important and special pictures that I had of his work will be.

He was rude but I overlooked it, because this isn’t about obsessing over his every word, but actually taking care of yourself first, and in turn, it does get him back.

Then I sent him another text, about two weeks later, I explained in short, that I was still deeply sorry and I just wanted him to know that. I left a little gift on his porch and let him know. He responded “Thank you, but this doesn’t change anything.” Again, I overlooked it. I mean him being somewhat nice and not telling me to stick it was a huge sign of hope.

Then I sent him one last text, a week later. I told him that it would be my last time contacting him, that I would be moving on, letting go, I wished him well and that was that. I knew he had gone dates and that night after two months of waiting (I knew if I went out with someone else before then it would have killed my chances, and I didn’t want to anyway) I finally went on a date. And low and behold his friends saw me and told him (the gods must’ve been working in my favor), my date was quite handsome as well.

He texted me four days later and said he wanted to meet up and talk. And so we did, and said our terms, our mistakes, and we got back together.

We’ve been together for 8 months and man, it’s like our relationship before was a blur. It’s perfect.

_________________________________

I believe it’s because I continued living exactly how this man suggests and I am so thankful because I really did learn so many things I never knew that still are in my every day life.

I began to love myself and put myself first and foremost, I began to see that the more I took care of me, the more he was taken care of. It’s a strange thing to wrap your head around but it’s my reality of truth.

We both have focused on other things, aside from each other, given each other more space, more respect. We both have our own businesses and we’re extremely happy in all aspects of life and especially with each other.

_________________________________

I was somewhat vague in describing the process of getting him back, simply because this blog fills in all the blanks. I truly just did as he said and it worked. It’s really that simple.

That man was with you for a reason, the reasons still there, fight for it. Fight your emotions, your doubts, your fears and just do it.

_________________________________

Thank you.

Jennifer

May 27, 2015 at 3:14 pm

Thank you <3 we need more testimonies like this on these pages!!! Such an inspiration and motivator 🙂
Talia

April 28, 2015 at 2:35 am

Wow awesome!

Jade

April 19, 2015 at 3:28 pm

I’ve been with this guy for over a year, he pushed the relationship, i wanted to go slow. I felt in love and when i realized it he said that i didn’t do anything for him, that he was in love for months and now he doesn’t feel the same anymore. He broke up with me. I want him back. Obviously practicing no contact, what can i do to make his feelings got back to the time he pushed me so much?
Thanks
Torture

April 17, 2015 at 1:19 am

Hi Chris ,
My ex bf and I are being going on and off , but this time he told me that we were not good as lovers , but we seems
to connect well as friends , I got little upset and told him that we can’t be friends and that I need to move on , he didn’t like it when I said that . He asked me if it was all or nothing ? I said , well friends don’t have sex ..He got cheated before and keep on saying that he was not ready for a Relationship .. Everthying started from an ex gf he has on facebook , she’s been around and it seems that they r very close to each other . This is second time we break up for same person ..I saw a post on Facebook where he was hanging out with his family that came to visit and she was there . I asked him what was that all about and he always said that they are just friends and his sister wanted to meet her , but they are not bf and gf .. At the end he said that he likes her still , but they are not dating . I got really upset
And I asked him why was he still going out with me if he wants somebody else . He repied with ,he’s a man and I was a nice girl and he wanted me to be his friend forever .. I got really mad about other things I found out about them . At the end , I was the one who told him that he was right , we don’t connect as lover and I don’t think we can connect as friend ,that even though I have feelings for him I didn’t feel connected with him last time we were intimate together . He said , He said he wants me to date others guys and when I asked why ? He said , I want to see you happy .. My replied to him was , I know when to date and whim that I was not a child . So , at the end I told him that I rather to date my ex of 5 years than dating others , he asked why and I replied that I was still in love with him that o never really stop loving him and wherever he was doing was just making me be closed to him again . He never wanted me to go back with my ex , because he knows my ex always wanted to fix things between us .. He got really mad when I said that and told me he had to go and will call later . I know I probably ruined my chances of getting back to him by me saying that , I was just upset that he was doing the break up with me for an ex .. He’s 7 years older then me and his ex is 3 years older then him . Its been 6 days since we broke up ,I temporary closed my facebook account and cut all communications with him . Do you think that i have any hope here :/ ? should I unfriend him from my facebook page ? I really like him and I probably overwhelmed him with my jealousy ..
Thank you
Ashley

April 16, 2015 at 11:23 pm

Hello Chris,
I just purchased your ebook, in hopes to figure out the steps to rekindle my past relationship. Let me tell you a little bit about my current situation…me and my ex met over a year ago and I was the ungettable girl. (I was going to move to new York when we met) well…as time went by I changed my mind because we fell in love and I didn’t want to damage what we had and I altered my plans Because with my career goals I can move basically anywhere. He was in the Navy and was going to get out so he can fulfill his plans to travel. We ended up renting an apartment and having a life of our own together. When the time came around for him to get out he moved across the country to spend a little time with his family and friends before he started traveling again. I ended up deciding that when I got out of school I would move closer to him. Now let me tell you before he left he told me that he wanted to be with me and can’t picture his life without me and that eventually he wanted a family.we had a long distance relationship until I got to him. When the time for me came to move out there we were fighting quite often. mostly because his behavior and actions changed when he came out here. And I don’t know why. I made the mistake of telling him that my best friend told me that we weren’t right for eachother. Which obviously I don’t think is true at all..we constantly were discussing why he was not treating me the same and I ended up telling him he needed to change. Now he thinks I want him to actually change but really I just want him to realize he isn’t the same. I am going to be honest and tell you that for the first 48 hours I frequently contacted him basically begging him to come back. I woke up today and decided to actually try to do something else but since I constantly text him before do you think the damage is done? Do you think our relationship is a lost cause? I hope to hear a response. Thank you so much.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:21 pm

Hi Ashley,

Sorry for getting back to you a little late.

Thanks for the book purchase.

I definitely don’t think your relationship is a lost cause.
Sure, damage was done but there is still a lot you can do to salvage things.

Ashley

April 16, 2015 at 6:10 pm

I am in college and had been talking to this guy for about 7 months. We were never official, but he introduced me to all his friends, we hung out with them, and him and I spent a lot of time together, it was definitely not just a hook up thing. He was very hesitant about being in a relationship because he had never been in one before, he was not used to or comfortable with feeling jealous and was very nervous I still had feelings for my ex (because my ex and I hooked up maybe 2 months into talking to this guy) but I consistently would tell him how much I care about him and I absolutely don’t have feelings for my ex without ever getting frustrated (in front of him anyway)– so basically he has major committment issues. I was very understanding and gave him the time he asked for, for him to be ready to commit. He told me multiple times, sober and drunk, he never felt this way about a girl before. And at least 2 or 3 times almost told me he loved me (drunk) that he loved me but I always stopped him.
which brings me to why I am here
Friday night he asks me about my ex. I tell him and he gets evidently upset. He didn’t say much that night and the next morning gave me a long hug but still didn’t say anything. That day he wrote me a letter saying he’s basically mentally unstable to be in a relationship but he would still like to be able to talk to me (as friends i guess). I talk to him later in person again telling him how much he means to me, but if he doesn’t want a relationship I have to cut off all contact. He is not the crying type of guy, but he was crying a lot, as was I. That night he went out with his friend for his birthday, got drunk and called me. After being doubtful, I did go over there. He was so happy I was there, and he even did say most of the same things in the morning when he was sober so it wasn’t just because he was drunk. But while he was drunk he told me he loved me, which is a huge deal for him. Again I was hesitant, and he said it again, and then again, and then i said it back.
the next day he didn’t say it in a harsh way, but basically said he didn’t mean that and he takes it back.
when I finally was able to process how i felt, i talked to him and told him how I was very hurt by that and it was a pretty terrible thing to do. and because of his commitment issues, i said I was willing to wait for you before because I felt like there was still a chance, but now it feels that this is pointless to you. I literally told him all you have to do is tell me this isn’t pointless to you, which of course he could not and told me we couldn’t be together because we weren’t on the same page.
ive never been so enraged and that night i texted him saying he was an idiot, he really means a lot to me, and i was super pissed at him. and i told him not to text me back, which he didn’t.
what’s frustrating for me is i really feel like he does love me but is so ridiculously scared. We have both never connected with somebody more which makes me still really want this, but if he doesn’t ever put in the effort I will not allow myself to be with someone like that again. Do you think it’s worth a try?

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:13 pm

I think it is but you should check out my post on how to tell how good of a chance you have if you are that worried about it.

Old woman

April 15, 2015 at 12:07 am

I broke up with my friend because I was tired about few insignificant issues. Obviously I regretted it. When I ask him for his forgiveness he said 3 things: il his feelings wasn’t the same, he doesn’t see me in his future and also he wanted to broke up before I did. Being honest his attitude the days before weren’t from someone who doesn’t love his girlfriend. The day before I felt him so careful and inlove about me. He said we should see each other anymore, he was crying. Do you think the no contact rule and other advices in your guide could apply with us. I am 41 and he is 43. I really love him and I want to be with him for the rest of our life. He is sick and I want to support him in all this hard situation!! Please give me an advice.

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 4:00 pm

Is he looking for marriage at this stage of his life?

(Also, you are not an old woman.)

Ever After

April 13, 2015 at 6:37 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend for over 5 years broke up with me. Three days after our 5th anniversary. Well, maybe 2 to 4 weeks before that the relationship is shaky already. He ussually stay in our house during weekends but for the past 2 weekd he did not went to my house. But I thinks 2 weeks before that he stayed but during Saturday only. He shared to me that his smoking already that’s why he won’t stay here. He acted different I think 3 months ago when he started drinking with his friends. Since before his not like that.

So here it goes, after our break up I did the NC rule for 1 week, but since I want to work out the relationship I tried to talk to him but according to him he said it already “we broke up already”, were done, his reasons are I got tired, things happen again and again (nothing new), the worst part is he said “he don’t love me anymore”. So after reading those messages again which stings may heart, I texted him thank you and goodbye messages. But something unexpected happen that night, he was with his friend, then this guy send a message in my FB Messenger. Hi, how are you, then send me a photo of my boyfriend, drunk! He also shared to me that his calling my name. I got confused after that, since I already decided and want to move on already since I thought I don’t have any chance already to him back since he told me also that there are no continuation nor 2nd chances for our relationship, maybe just friends. Then afternoon on that day he texted me, to terminate his wifi plan already since its registered under my name. Then, I said okay I’ll check my schedule. Since I’m not angry or anything about him eventhough he hurt my feelings after hearing those lines, I tried to ask him, how was he, since I felt that he was just angry that time maybe I was annoying that why he said those words to me. He said it’s just me, you deserve someone better than having me, he felt that he was the one putting effort recently, he doesn’t want a relationship, no commitment etc. Then we shared joke a little bit. It’s like were okay. Then I think I tried to talk to him again 1 day after that bit he seems iritated. After those attempts of making him feel that are relationship is worth saving for, I got tired and felt that this is impossible already.

Then I started reading your article yesterday, as of this writing I think I have this NC rule for about almost 20 days after the incident above. I want to know if its gonna work. What should I do after the 30 days NC? I don’t know if his explanations was real or he can’t just tell me that he fall in love with another girl already? I don’t know if loyal person do still exist but for the past years I felt that it was true I never imagine that he’ll cheat on me. Maybe I’ll agree with him that sometimes I act like I’m his wife even if I’m not but it was never my intention to make him feel that I’ll take away his freedom.

Please help, I really love him. I know that we shared happiness and love for almost 85% during our relationship. I want to save our relationship since I know its worth fighting for. Maybe he is just confused right now because of his new vices. Or due to peer preassure also for the word “marriage” but I do want to force him also or even myself. I will change for the better if that will help, the way I treat him before because I want to make him happy.

Anonymous

April 19, 2015 at 9:30 pm

Read his article on becoming the ungettable girl. Become anew! Spice things up. We can always improve. Lose weight, pick up a new hobby, go out with friends… it’ll have him wondering what the heck is going on. I mean after 5 years he probably feels like he knows you like the back of his hand. But yeah… Go read the ungettable girl article. If you really love him, you’ll do it. Worked for me.

kiley

April 13, 2015 at 12:33 am

hi. okay so I have a question. my ex and I are in highschool. we got together in 8th grade and dated for two years. he broke it off. he used some lame excuse. and now that we aren’t together its been a month, ive contacted him but now reading this I know I shouldn’t, is it too late for the no contact rule? I still believe he cares about me but he isn’t trying to fix the relationship we had. idk what else to do about it other than this. im scared that If I use the no contact rule, that he will think that I just don’t care anymore and that he will move on. do you have any recommendations? when we were dating the last couple of months I could tell something was up. he was loosing feelings for me but he didn’t try to get those feelings back. im scared that if we take time the feelings will go away. as you said in the article I belove that the real reason we broke up was because I wasn’t complementing him enough and that I kept nagging him to spend time with me, do you think I can still get him back?

Anonymous

April 19, 2015 at 9:34 pm

You’re in high school and there is so much more life to live. If he broke up with you because of that lame excuse, what makes you think that he won’t in the future if you get back together? He sounds childish. You can and will do better. My advice, move on. You’ll be over it soon, I promise.

Schroeder

April 12, 2015 at 5:00 pm

Me and my ex recently broke up. Because he was in a crapy 4 year relationship before a couple years ago and his reason to end it was because he’s broken from his past relationship we still talk but less then a month after he wanted to hang out so we started seeing each other again it was going great we talked he told me he dident wanna give up then he told me he was the happiest when I was around and I understood he wasent ready for a full relationship but it felt like we were in one then I just wanted to talk to him about where this was headed and I think I scared him cause he started to get all defensive and telling me to get over him and find someone else but I don’t wanna but how can u tell someone one day your happy then the next totally cut them off like he was the one who wanted to see me first I’m just trying to wonder because he told me when he kinda ended it that he still cared so I’m gonna try the no contact rule but I ran into him once dident talk to me I dident talk to him but I always caught him looking at me I’m wondering if that means something? But I’m hoping the no contact thing will work

Anonymous

April 19, 2015 at 9:37 pm

Four years is a long time. I can understand that he would still be hurt. And if he still thinks about her, why would you want him back? What if he’s on websites like “how to get my ex girlfriend back” which sounds like he might be. Don’t be someone’s second choice. Theres someone better for you out there looking for you as much as you’re looking for them. Don’t waste time on anything less than the best for yourself.

Su

April 12, 2015 at 10:07 am

How to get my ex boyfriend to talk me first after no contact rule, he is sending me signs that he is still into me, but it’s soooo stubborn to admit it. I want to get him to talk me first cuz always, I was the one who did the first step after the silent treatment he gave me. I want this cycle to end. Help me cuz I love this man so much!!
K

April 11, 2015 at 4:50 pm

Hey Chris,

Would love your take on my situation. Was with an amazing guy for 2 years. Latterly we were having fights and now that he has broke up with me and I’ve been improving myself…I realized a lot of the fights were due to my insecurities. I’ve now worked on those and feel better and determined to attract him back. My problem is though, we ended pretty badly. He finished it February. I tried for 6 weeks to get him back but made all the classic mistakes and maybe not so classic mistakes all in a one-r. I begged, pleaded, gave him some space, told him how I’d change, how sorry I was, how I love him and he’s the only man for me etc…but he gave mixed signals. Said he still loved me and always will but that we aren’t compatible. (A big stinking lie Chris, we were for a LONG time)….. Basically he morphed from telling me you’re the most beautiful woman in the world/only woman for me ————> to extremely angry, stubborn and I sensed a feeling of “Ill show her who’s boss” “get the f*** away from me” sort of statements………. It was really hard to deal with. I know I acted insecure but he was also a lot to blame for the petty fights we had but in the end he just shifted all blame onto me and in order to save us I took responsibility for my part but that STILL didn’t win him back.. ANYWAY. He for weeks was wanting me to take my stuff out of the flat we shared… Wouldn’t have a proper conversation with me over why we were finishing for good and was very arrogant, mean, nasty… Totally not the real nice guy he actually is. So from looking at your site I could see he fits into categories of.. A little bit of a bad boy who’s rebelling since I’ve gone (out drinking a bit and drunken called me once), a whole lot of stubborn… (his entire family say he’s stubborn as hell), and a good dose of anger and blame. I did what any woman could do? After 6 weeks of him putting me though it, I decided to do what he wanted me to do and see what happens. I took my stuff from the flat. What was interesting was I told him the particular day I was coming and low and behold he had miraculously booked that day off of work. Could be a coincidence but he never takes a weekday off as he’s snowed under in his job…. I started to think right he’s done this deliberately… But he was hellbent on pointing the finger at me when I was moving my things to the car. He said “I wanted this relationship, YOU’RE the one who ended it”… Ironic given he finished with me?!… I feel really confused Chris by what the heck is going on with him. We had nasty fights but not breakupworthy ones. So anyway, I told him how much I love him and asked him does he love me. 2 weeks before he said he did…and for 2 years said it daily, and showed it… and he wouldn’t answer. He got so strange on me. Hid in the bathroom, me shouting through the door asking does he love me. He opened the door and shouted he doesn’t in my face. I didn’t believe it when I walked out. I think he just said it out of fear/anger?? But that was 22 days ago!!!!!!!! 22. I commenced my no contact that night. Im nearly finished it and Im gobsmacked at how he can go 22 days treating me like that…. There was no other girls, don’t think there is now. Never any sign of it. I was always his top priority but as time goes on I am worried that he’s not gonna contact me. Any take on this I very much appreciate? Im tempted to take it to 60 days no contact. I already said to him last time I saw him “okay then as u wish, I will take my things and you’ll never hear from me again”……….. I cant really go back on it yknow.

Do you think he meant any of this?

Thanks Chris!

Anonymous

April 19, 2015 at 9:44 pm

It sounds like he does still care but seeing as friends family tell you how stubborn he is, he’s not gonna make the first move at all. And it seems like your encounters before and kind of hostile and not in that “sweet” place that two people should be. I gave my ex boyfriend a little gift from his favorite store, that was my first move of “let’s get back in the sweet zone” and although it didn’t win him back, I wasn’t expecting it to, it still showed him where I stood. No matter what he does or says from this point on, don’t be nasty and mean, you’ll push the stubborn man further away.

Read the part on this blog on what to do after the no contact rule and follow your intuition on which tactic to use.

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