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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Lauren
July 25, 2013 at 3:54 am
Love your article.
My boyfriend and I of almost three years mutually agreed that we should break up. At first, he was saying how he needed his space and wanted to focus on his work. I couldn’t understand this of course because I live 30 miles from him. I kept being pushy and clingy, and the day after his birthday when he canceled our plans, I decided I was done. So we talked on Skype and decided it was for the best if we go our separate ways. He says I’ll never lose him and that he’ll always love me. What do you think? Is he BSing me again? Or should I try 30 days of no contact in hopes that he’ll reach out to me?
admin
July 26, 2013 at 2:24 am
I think you have an opportunity here. Make sure you go NC and improve yourself during that time. Also, there is more to this than going NC I hope you realize that.
Kim J
July 25, 2013 at 12:07 am
Hello
My boyfriend and I broke up last month and we have been on and off for about 2yrs. I cheated on him over a year ago (once and that was the only time and it was at the beginning of our relationship) and you could say I took an advantage of his feeling. You see this was my first real relationship and I did not know how to act. I love and miss him so much but their are a lot of factors working against us. First our relationship was long distance because I go to school in Orland and at the time he was at W. Virgina. I know I hurted him so bad and I know he still loves me he just can’t get over how I acted when I was in the relationship. Anyways two days ago he post a picture of this new girl he was talking to and in that instance my world came crashing down. I went on panic mood calling him and crying and basically begging for him to take me back. Last we were on the phone and in between my crying rant.. I could tell he was crying and hurt about how things ended. The phone conv end with him saying he wanted me in his life but as friend for now and I told him I could not do it and he should never contact me again and if he saw me in the street to not even speak to me. I said all this because I was hurt and I have been having mini anxiety attacks. I just need help he is the love of my and I know he feels the same about me I just have doubts. When I told him to delete the instagram pic of the girl he said I was making a big deal about and said that he is finally telling me “no” because in the relationship he was not able to. I honestly feel like he trying to hurt me on purpose just so I could feel the way he felt during the relationship. Please Help Me? I just need to know I could start fixing this.. I just currently started the no contact rule but I will be breaking it on AUG 14 because thats his birthday… Any advice
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:36 am
Don’t break it for his birthday.
Katie
July 24, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Hi,
just a quick question! what if just a few days into the ‘no contact period’ it is his birthday?
admin
July 25, 2013 at 1:02 am
I still wouldn’t contact him. Keep strong with NC.
Lauren
July 24, 2013 at 7:49 pm
Ok, so me and this guy were talking for 3 months. We talked about dating in the future, but at the time, it was long distance, so we only got to meet up once during that time. I ended up being the crazy girl constantly nagging him and being really clingy-I understand that I was wrong. Of course, he broke it off and now he thinks I’m a nutcase. Is there anyway to get him back? Or will I always be the crazy girl. I don’t want to freak him out again, but I do think things would be different in the future.
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:33 am
Ill be honest with you. The nutcase place is a really hard place to be. I have had this happen to me and I find it so unattractive that I don’t want to ever talk to them again. HOWEVER, those girls never stopped. If you try doing NC and slowly slowly slowly easing your way back in he may be receptive of you.
Bella
July 24, 2013 at 6:32 pm
I don’t want to put my personal business on the net but I need some advice. Long story short, if a guy expresses to you from the get go that he thinks he is fat (even though he is far from it) , didn’t want to be in a relationship until he gets his self-esteem high (going to the gym to lose weight), that you have alot of things going for you because you are about to start school at a university and doesn’t want to hold you back from it (other guys,etc) but wants to be your man and you guys make it official. But later you break up and everything I mentioned earlier he used as excuse as to why we shouldn’t be together. He thinks I deserve better (he deserves better?) He’s fat when he’s not, financial problems, he thinks I’m going to forget about him when I start school. The list goes on. But he didn’t let all that stop him in being with me in the beginning. I am leaving some stuff about because I’m iffy on putting stuff on the net. I think there is some truth to what he told me because I heard this from the get-go but now I feel like it is an excuse because he was with me before. He says he wants to be my man but x,y and z mentioned above is preventing him. He mentioned “let’s see what happens when you start school and go from there.” I ended up telling him that I will be his friend and I can’t give you my body. He says he’ll try not to. It didn’t seem like he saw me in his future when he mentioned what if he gets a job offer somewhere… Some advice would be helpful.
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:31 am
I think this guy has some serious issues OR he is flat out lying to spare your feelings. That is the only reason why I can think he would say those X, Y, Z things.
Bella
July 24, 2013 at 6:37 pm
Note: all this happened after we broke up and decided to date/talk but it seems like he just interesting in something else, so now we are “friends”
Victoria
July 24, 2013 at 3:17 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up once and got back together. I got really drunk one night and said things I really didnt mean. I was just in the wrong mind set. I apologized the next day he was still upset and i tried texting him like normal the following days but I could tell he was still upset. Long story short I called him at the wrong time and wanted to talk about my feelings and his and he blew up and broke up with me. I texted him a couple times and tried calling after it happened but nothing. I just wanna still be friends if not boyfriend and girlfriend I care about him. 🙁
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:19 am
You see everything on this page Victoria?
DO IT! I think you have a shot.
Victoria
July 25, 2013 at 4:11 am
Ok thank you, ill let u know !
lamelord
July 24, 2013 at 1:19 pm
He broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Before that we didnt contact with each other like 2 months to focus on the college test (he suggested that) and when the test’s done, he started ignoring me, no replying, no picking up phone. Not until I became a text terorist did he tell me that his family was in trouble and he wanted to be alone and just wanted to be friend with me and it would take a long time for him to talk to me normally again. I also asked (actually it’s like begging) him to meet me and talked it out but of course, he didn’t agree.
So I stopped texting him 1 week ago butI still kept on checking his Fb wall secretly (creepy right) until 2 days ago when I saw his ex’s post on his wall saying that they went to the movie with each other and had a good time that day and blah blah. Few days before they went to the movie with each other he even wrote sth caring on her stt .And I blocked him on facebook immediately after I had seen that post. I was like :”Really? your new one is your ex? Right after you broke up with me?”
Talking about his ex, they broke up after 3 years of dating and we’ve been with each other for just few months. And well,we started just 1 month after their break-up with only few weeks to get to know each other.(Yeah you’re right. I’m afraid that I was just his game while he’s not with his ex and I’m not fit into that 3-year-time)
So, Am I dong the right thing when I blocked him on Facebook? When the NC time ends, should I add him again or just text him? (I still have his phone number, thank God)
I wanted him back because there was nothing wrong in our relationship, no arguing, the sharing part is perfect. He just simply told me that we should stop. And yes, I still love him.
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:12 am
I am extremely busy today so forgive me if I am short in my response.
I wouldn’t have blocked him on facebook. However, now that you have done it don’t add him back. Just text him after NC.
lamelord
July 25, 2013 at 7:23 am
THank you. Now I really regret of having blocked him :< At that moment I was so upset that I didnt even realize that we wouldn't be friend on Fb anymore after that.
If you were him, what'd you think? Is there any chance that he will reply me after the NC or he'll just hate me? (he's kinda arrogant)
Should I unblock him on fb now( anyway he's not in my friend list anymore)? I wont add him back on fb during this NC time but after that? Should I text him first or add him again on fb first or add him just after I have got the good respond …?
And do you think I have a chane if he's going back with his ex?
admin
July 26, 2013 at 2:37 am
Well, lets take things one step at a time for now.
You can unblock him but don’t add him back. We can work on doing that when you get in contact with him again.
For now, try not to worry about any new girl or anything like that. Just get through your NC period and you can worry about contacting him after that. During your NC period you want to evolve though.
lamelord
July 26, 2013 at 6:55 am
thank you so much. you mean more than a good friend to me 🙂
hope you dont mind if i came back here for some advice after the NC time
admin
July 28, 2013 at 3:38 am
I don’t mind at all.
Joy
July 24, 2013 at 5:56 am
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years because I found him talking to his ex on Facebook. He says he still loves me and everything, but I just feel like the relationship won’t work right now. I do want to be with him, but I want him to change before doing so. Should I ignore him to get him to change? Or should I continue to talk to him and try to work things out? I feel like be needs to learn his lesson, but it’s so hard to just ignore him.
admin
July 25, 2013 at 1:57 am
So he was talking to his ex? Was he doing anything racy with her at all? If not, then I think you overracted and that is not good for your cause. Either way, try going on a NC rule before you do anything.
Wossen
July 24, 2013 at 5:44 am
Hey,
So my boyfriend and i were on a break for about 10days or so and we were to have limited contact and not to see each other, he use to pick me up from work everyday and he stopped that as well. Long story short, we decided to start ALL over again, its been like five days now and in those five days we went out to go rollerblading at this Company that provided indoor rollerblading, we got into a little argument at night on the way to drop me home. Lets just say after that he’s been a bit more distant, he says he loves me but he says hes not sure if we will succeed as a couple because of our past performances, now my question is if we are still starting over still talking and texting he texts me every morning (but he stopped picking me up from work) is there any way that i can tweak the NO CONTRACT rule? May you please help? Would for example ” less texting, keeping it less emotional, following the guidelines of your what to text, or anything else for that matter work?”
I really want it to work but i made the mistake of starting over from where we started and he wants to start it slow he says we can’t have what we had he says we have to kill that relationship and start brand new because if not we will fall back into the cycle. What can i do? Please help, is there a certain type of way for the NO CONTACT Rule to help us out?
I was thinking of enjoying each others presence meaning doing fun activities like movies, walk in the park, bowling, mini putting etc and all the while changing my appearance, getting a nose piercing, getting a hair cut or colouring my hair?
what do you think?
admin
July 25, 2013 at 1:47 am
Ok, the no contact rule should only be implemnted if you and your boyfriend have broken up.
Since you two are together that means that you shouldn’t have to do it. Just do a lot of relationship building dates and you can get him back on track.
I think enjoying eachothers presence is a really good idea!
Kara
July 24, 2013 at 3:55 am
Hi,
I really need your advice. I met this guy at my work place, and instantly there was a spark between us, we couldnt keep eyes off eachother and we started exchanging emails. Basically he asked me out, and we started hanging out and about in few weeks afterwards, he was ready to introduce me to his single mom, but i wasn’t ready, so after a week later he insisted and said his mom is very eager to meet me, so I agreed upon it and went his mom, who was very sweet, and we had a wonderful time. We were doing great, but we were hiding from our co workers that we were dating because it was against our policy.
A month later he was graduating from university, and i asked to be there at his graduation and he asked me to meet his father (who was coming from another province) and he also asked to meet his aunts and uncle and cousins. So i did all of that, we enjoyed ourselves. but then after couple of days later his graduation, he asked me when is he meeting my family, and that his family was wondering how come he has introduced me to his family but i havent introduced him to any of my family members. I couldnt say much except I come from a different religion and culture background if i took him home, my parents would assume im serious about him. He is christain and my parents are muslim. I dont follow any religion and i was pretty clear on that from the get go.
Then he started researching on google, and found out that in order for us to get married, he would have to convert, i wasn’t sure about this stuff, and it didnt matter to me at all, but i knew it would matter to my parents so i asked him to convert not realizing i was asking him to change and he didnt want to convert but never told me that and kept asking for time to think, in the meant time his behavior towards me started changing he stopped being so affectionate, but always respected me and took me out but just started backing off.
I thought maybe he was cheating on me, so i started doubting him and couldnt trust him becuase i have been hurt badly before by my exes. Then one day he was ready to break up and i told him, he didnt have to convert because he didnt matter to me, he then asked for more time to think.
Basically bottom line he told me the reason he was breaking up because, he felt I gave him an ultimatum and he started backing off because he didnt want to get hurt. And that i was very self focused and didnt accept him for who he was.
Also two nights before we broke up, he asked me to come out and hang out with him and his friends at roxy club and i said i couldn’t, because my mom didnt want me to stay out past 9pm so he wanted to go with his friends and i told him not to and fought with him, he at the end still went but kept messaging me throughout the whole night so i wont doubt him. THats another reason he gave me why he broke up, that i didnt trust him and wasnt happy for him for having fun with friends.
Please help me, I am in love with this guy and i want him back. We txted here and there but he nevr initiate txts i always do, but he is sweet and respectful with replies. its been 2 weeks since we broke up.
I also made a mistake of not telling him i fell in love with him after one month, and so did he but i kept saying i wasnt in love. I told him i loved when we were having religion issues.
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:52 am
Ok, Ultimatums never work. Let me just put that out there. They are a really really really bad idea.
NC sounds perfect for your situation honestly.
Kara
July 24, 2013 at 3:43 pm
I realized my mistakes, and i have apologized to him, but why wouldnt he understand that and make it work?
Also if i do NC for 30 days, his birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, should I not wish him, or just totally ignore it. What if he gets upset?
I really appreciate your help. Thank you 🙂
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:20 am
Hi Kara,
That is such a pretty name! Sometimes an apology right away won’t do the trick. More time has to go by and you have to show him that you mean it.
Do not wish him a happy birthday. There is no point. He won’t get mad and if he does then that just means he is thinking about you and cares about you still.
Kara
July 25, 2013 at 3:11 am
Thank you, I love that name 🙂
But what if he moves on to the next girl in the meantime. How do I show him that I genuinely realized my mistakes.
His last two gfs treated him really badly and he kept trying to save the relationship, and when they left him. It took him one full year to move on. We dated for 4 months and he said himself i didnt treat him badly, but just that he blocked his feelings because of religion conflict and couldnt get his feeliings back. I am afraid he will never come back.
Just so you know he is four years younger I am.
Thanks
admin
July 26, 2013 at 2:21 am
Howdy,
There is always a risk with going NC but I think you have to ask yourself if what you are doing now will work to get him back?
You redeem yourself in his eyes later on after NC.
liz
July 24, 2013 at 2:15 am
Me and my ex are high school sweet hearts. We broke up a few months ago. We talked off and on till this day. But there was something always getting us mad with each other. It was little stuff and some big stuff here and there. But this last time we stopped talking he got mad at me for saying something personal about us to someone and it got to him that I was talking about it. I know he wants his life personal, he doesn’t want anyone to know anything about him. He likes to keep to himself. Which is good and I am kind of the opposite. I tell people things without even thinking it’s something bad. Well he got mad and ended our friendship all over again for the millionth time. This time I believe will be the last time we talk. He said all these painful and hurtful things to me and told me to never contact him again. He may of said it out of being anger but a few days later he still told me to stop contacting him and that he wants nothing to do with me. I know it may of been to soon to contact him but I am afraid that he will find someone else and when that happens I don’t want to go back to him because all of what we had will be replaced with the new girl.
I wasn’t really good in our relationship, I lied, talked to other guys (innocently but got close to them), and I was not very nice at times.
When we first started going out I was his everything but after my mess ups he started changing how he felt about me. He was less loving, less there, less everything. He started being mean and short tempered, and could walk away easier. He was always there for me though. But his attitude just was different.
Every time we broke up I said I would be better but I never was.
I can blame the time that I never gave myself to change to be better for him but I know it was me.
We never got that time away from each other to realize what we had nor to better ourselves and really be in the relationship because we love and wanted to be happy with each other.
Sure we had good times in the meeting ups we had after we broke up and were friends but we still fought and things still came up and it was bad.
Now I am afraid this was his last straw.
He has been talking to girls and making friends with a lot of new girls. He is not the type of guy who would hook up with anyone or be serious with anyone until he really is ready.
He is a strong guy who knows what he wants. Which is why I am afraid he really is done with me. Because once he says something he really means it.
I am going to try the 30 day no contacting, checking up, or ‘accidentally’ running into him thing. I really want to be happy with him. I have this world I painted where we were together forever, we had future plans, and he was my best friend. It’s hard to go on when we did everything together.
I am trying to keep myself busy and distracted but I want some kind of hope that we will be together sometime.
I am the kind of person who needs some kind of talk where something will happen.
I just need help on what else there is I should do?
Is it worth it to put myself in this position of waiting out to text him and hope he’ll respond positively?
Is our relationship worth it, if there is a relationship to save.
I just need some advice or something to help me get through this.
Sorry it is soooo long.
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:47 am
Hi There,
I like what you are doing so far with regards to the NC rule.
What else can you do?
Prepare yourself mentally.
Accept that there is a possibility that you might not get him back. (trust me it helps.)
Get in shape if you are out of shape.
Work on being more confident.
I know this may sound stupid but pick a girl who all the guys are attracted to and see what kinds of things she does that turns guys on. It can help you to understand how to act in face to face situations.
Megg
July 23, 2013 at 9:21 pm
Hey, i’m seventeen and went out with my boyfriend for nearly ten months. Around exam time, he couldn’t cope very well and had a ‘wobble’ as he calls it. He thought the relationship was getting too intense (fair enough he is 6 months younger than me and has only just turned 17) and i agreed, but a couple months later he had another wobble and we are on a break. He doesn’t cope well with change i don’t think and it has hit him that in a year we will all be going to uni and neither of us copes well with long distance. We we’re so close and are still in love but he needs space and it hurts seeing him everyday and not being able to be close to him. we are on a break for 3 weeks and a week has passed and i stupidly contacted him, which i realize i should not have done now! via Facebook just saying (because we are friends at the moment) hey, can you check out a rough music video i have made to a song i recorded and tell me what you think? i messaged the same thing to all my friends, because i wanted to improve it, it’s like my little project at the moment, because i am keeping myself and being busy. I have also lost half a stone and am too underweight because when i’m upset i don’t eat, but i have started eating and stopped crying, it’ taken a week, but i am being strong, despite how much pain i’m in. He acts so fine, like everything is okay when i saw him cry because he loves me and i love him but it’s all too much for him, he is insecure and unstable when i am the opposite, and i accept him for who he is, forgive him for breaking my heart and am here for him when he feels down, because he has depressive tendencies. He didn’t reply to the message he had just ‘seen’ it. he always did this in our relationship as well, hes so rubbish at replying, but regularly checks his phone. But to be honest that doesn’t bother me too much, cos we didn’t text much at all anyway, i only texted if it was important, because we see a lot of each other in person, so i just like my space when we are not together. sorry bout all the rambling…anyway, in a couple weeks we have agreed to go out for the day to the beach or something and have fun, and if a few dates go well we will get back together and say exactly what we want from the relationship, so it’s clear, because it never was before. I just wanted to know the best way to make him miss me and realize that what we had was so good, i am doing the no contact and going out and having fun, but he seems to be kind of ignoring me, and not really trying at being friends. And it’s difficult because we have all the same friends, and he is the only guy in a group of loads of girls, and he is better friends with everyone else than me, we just work on a different level i guess. I’m just sad it ended to suddenly and we can really work, i just want him to realize what he is missing, not that i am the perfect girlfriend, but i care for him but we like our own space and not too much pressure or commitment and see each other when we can and just have fun….if any of that makes sense… sorry if it’s really long, i’m a writer!!!
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:39 am
Hi Megg,
I am really sorry about your breakup. I am happy you are eating again though.
Would you like to ask me a specific question. I think I can help you better that way.
Megg
July 25, 2013 at 9:13 pm
haha yes that is probably a good idea!!! Um how do i get him to miss me, and what we had together? if that makes sense…
admin
July 26, 2013 at 2:54 am
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-make-him-miss-you-after-a-breakup/
Megg
July 25, 2013 at 9:15 pm
(he isn’t very good at sharing anything about how he feels, and i realise generally boys are not, and thats fine! But if he won’t let me help him he will just have another ‘wobble’ and he will let his issues get to him…he needs to be more positive and stronger within himself, and i don’t know how to get him to be more that way, because i know it would help him…)
Jenny
July 23, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Hi,
My first love and ex boyfriend moved away for school about two weeks ago. I loved him so much and he loved me. We had a rocky relationship because well we dated twice and I broke up with him shortly after because I was scared. I was scared of being hurt. I know that hurt him but I just push people away and I didnt really mean it. I loved him so much and I still do. But he has a new girlfriend. He also blocked me on all social sites. He told me he loved me up to the point when he blocked me but he also said he wished he never met me and to just leave him alone forever. I dont know what to think. I dont know why he did what he did. We were planning on living together and our love was just so innocent and pure I honestly still feel wrong talking to new guys. Im really hurt and depressed. Ive even hurt myself. I dont know what to do. What should i do. Please help and thank you
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:25 am
Ok, I am just going to tell you something straight up. Girls who hurt themselves over guys are actually unattractive to their exes. It means that they aren’t mentally ready for a relationship. So, make sure there is no more of that ok.
Have you tried going NC?
Jenny
July 26, 2013 at 9:20 am
Well i was actually emotionally wrecked BECAUSE of the relationship. I am not ready for one now but I honestlyt just wanted advice on how to deal with everything but ok.
Lara
July 23, 2013 at 8:59 pm
Hey it’s me again. He wrote me and we talked.He said he wanted to tell me the truth and so i wanted to hear it and answered him.He said that it isn’t because he wants to be alone.He just thinks his friends will think it is weird to have a long distance relationship.He wants to stick with it.But he says he still loves me?I do want him back but i think this won’t work here?
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:16 am
Hmm… long distance relationships are tough. It may be time to throw in the towel. The big issue here is that you have no way of seeing him in person. If you can find a way to do that you may have a shot but again, nothing is guaranteed.
Sirine
July 23, 2013 at 6:08 pm
My ex and I dated for a year and a half. Long distance (England to Scotland) being young that was never an issue because we have our space and own friends. We had amazing chemistry, electrical like our friends would say and we were perfect together. A few months ago he started freaking out about commitment (I never asked for a ring or anything) but I thought he calmed down and we were so happy. I had to fly to the USA for an internship this summer. So he breaks up with me after my 1st day on the internship saying he couldn’t do it before because he wanted to make sure I had the right frame of mind when I started. And he left to Thailand a couple of days after. He had said that he will alike this as easy as possible for me and that he will always be here for me when he broke up with me and he would reply to all my text even the begging ones at the beginning. Then I think I really annoyed it and he blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp (2days ago) and just wished me all the best for the future. I want him back badly (yes even after all of this). How can I fix this???
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:18 am
Have you tried going NC. He sees you as the desperate crazy ex right now and you need to get that preconception off of you.
Sirine
July 24, 2013 at 6:01 pm
Hii
I just started NC after he blocked me. He hasn’t blocked my other number but I won’t contact him. At least until the NC is over. Do you think I could have a chance after that? We were so happy together and I’m so hurt 🙁
admin
July 25, 2013 at 2:25 am
You have a good as chance as everyone else. Nothing is guaranteed. This could work or it could fail. You need to accept that fact and you will be free to just do awesome at this! Literally everyone who does well accepts that they may not get him back. I think you should give it a try though for sure. I am just saying accept that you could fail to help you understand that rejection won’t kill you. In fact, it could make you stronger.
Lisa
July 23, 2013 at 5:30 pm
No Contact
Hi Chris,
I just read your strategy and I’m trying to figure out what to do in my situation. My boyfriend, who I am totally in love with (and know he loves me deeply) and I had a huge fight this weekend and broke up. We had been having issues for a few months now… All starting from Valentine’s Day when he asked me out of the blue if anyone I had ever dated had ever done something nicer for me than he had. Now first of all, who asks that – we’re in our early 30s so of course I have a lot of experiences and had several long term boyfriends. I didn’t know how to answer so I was honest and said yes, and asked him why he would ask me that. He freaked out about my answer, telling me he was not expecting that response and it ruined our night. Ever since then he’s been holding a grudge that I believe ended up destroy ing our relationship. After Valentine’s Day, he stopped doing nice things, and I started noticing and asking why but he didn’t have an answer. I moved in with him a couple months later and the whole move was rushed a few months early because of a roommate situation so that put more emotional pressure on us as well. Them we got in a huge fight on our one year anniversary a couple months later about engagement rings and that was two months ago and everything has been downhill since. I stopped doing nice things because I was bitter about the relationship being one sided. I used to cook him special dinner, dress for him in lingerie, plan special surprises, you name it. But I wanted things to be balanced so I started watching to see him do anything for me before I kept giving. So we’ve been in this mess for months now, when everything was so perfect before Valentine’s day. This past weekend I lost my cool and blew up on him for not keeping a secret he promised me he would (which he says was no intentional and a misunderstanding about the terms of the promise) and I said a lot of mean things when I was angry (as did he). He told me to move out (out of anger) so I packed up my things to leave, thinking he would stop me. But then he didn’t. Instead he cried & told me we were done. And then gave me the “it’s not you it’s me” thing… “I’m doing you a favor”…. “I can’t be what you need from a guy”… “You deserve better”. All things that I know are BS. I think he was just looking for a way out, because he didn’t feel like a man around me. But I have never wanted that to be how he felt. He’s an amazing man and I am so heartbroken to have watched our beautiful relationship turn into a disaster over him feeling not good enough. I know I helped to make him feel that way the more bitter I became so I accept my role in this and just want to start over. Fresh start. I’m definitely moving out of his place, so I have to talk to him or possibly even see him over the next couple of weeks to move my things out. I text him today to tell him how much I love him and want to work things out and that I apologized for our huge fight and all the drama. He said he needs time to cool down and then he’ll be willing talk but he doesn’t know when and he’s not sure if he can recover from the fight. The idea of not talking to him for 30 days sounds like a nightmare. So much can happen in that time. He could meet new girls, he could sit and think about only the negative… I am terrified to let it go that long. We’ve never gone one day without talking in over a year (14 months). We used to be the most beautiful, happy couple in the world. I just want that back. How do I get him to want that back too? And how do I handle the No Contact thing when I need to plan things with him for moving out (timing, giving him keys, etc.) Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks so much.
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:37 am
Your concerns about No Contact are very common and I am not going to lie, they are legitimate. I think whether or not to do is really boils down to one question: is what you are doing right now working? In most cases, it won’t which is why I really love the idea of NC.
Me
July 23, 2013 at 4:39 pm
Hi,
Sadly I just came across your website. Please do tell me if the whole step by step could be a savior to me! I was in a relation with this wonderful guy for 4 years. Even the night prior to break up we were in live or assumed we were.Its been eight months,through a mutual friend I know he is not with another girl. I been loosing my mind trying to move on when i know this guy is the perfect combination and I need to do what ever I can t get him back. Out of anger its been all one sided angry texts to few he replied and few he ignored, he stopped calling or texting teh very next day of our break up. He still dont text or call even if I go MIA for a yr I feel. I have a feeling I have ruined all my chances with him. The reason we broke up was more related to our family and non compatibility with them, its tad bit difficult to explain here. But please help me!! if I could do anything.. anything at all to get him back!! I mn a try.. I know there ain a guarantee.. Or please dont mind being blunt and tell me its over.
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:13 am
I think at this point you have nothing to lose. Go ahead and give the step by step process above a try!
Oma
July 23, 2013 at 3:54 pm
Hi.
It’s been about three months since my ex broke up with me. We’ve been together 1½ year. I’m 19 and he’s 20.
We had an amazing relationshio, never really fought or anything. Of course we had some serious conversations but all in all we had a great and laid back relationship. He lives in the same small city as I do and it only takes about 10 minutes to walk to his apartment.
It came as a bit of a shock when he broke up – just a couple of weeks earlier he talked about moving in together when be both finished school. His reason was that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, he wanted to stand on his own feet. He said he still loved be but he was afraid that the relationship would only go downhill and he would end up hurting me bad because the thought of freedom wouldn’t leave him alone. It wasn’t a dramatic break up – no crying or fighting. We just talked and said goodbye and thanked eachother for everything. The last thing we said to to eachother was “I love you”.
Well, we do have to see eachother everyday in school (it’s a small school) and are both smokers which means we end up talking a couple of times during the day. That sure it hurtful as the only thing I wanted from day 1 of the break up was to get him back. In the beginning I tried handling things pretty cool as we continued to be friends (we do share a lot of mutual friends so it’s hard to avoid). But then he got very drunk at a party and slept with a girl from school. He decided to tell me this so I wouldn’t hear it from anyone else. He said that he deeply regretted it and apologized a lot as he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Of course I got very upset and ended up telling him, that I had slept with another guy too (I really had, I just didn’t wanna tell him – I’ve never tried to hurt him on purpose). He got upset too and we ended talking all night. I cried for the first time in front of him after the break up and ended up cutting myself in his bathroom out of strong emotional pain. It’s a bad habbit that I got rid of years ago. I did it on my thigh so he wouldn’t notice, but the blood stained my pants. I felt very ashamed.
After that night things have been very bad. I’ve been extremely depressed and suicidal and haven’t really been able to stop cutting since (I haven’t told anyone, I’m deeply ashamed). All I can think of is my ex. As I felt so bad I started using him as support as he used to be my best friend to. I talked to him about my suicidal thoughts and he couldn’t help but notice the wounds on my thighs. It’s probably an important detail that we end up having sex most of the times we hang out. I know it’s a very bad idea, I just can’t help myself. But yeah, I realize now that I have pushed him further and further away with all my pathetic emotional problems and the almost begging for him to come back. Also he says that he doesn’t really love my anymore but still has feelings for me and cares a lot about me and don’t wanna lose me. He says he wants to help me and support me but it’s hard seeing me destroying myself.
I feel so ashamed now for acting like that. Even though I’m very depressed I shouldn’t put pressure on him to help me – that sure as hell won’t bring him back. And after all of this he seems to get more and more distant. I haven’t really at anytime attacked him with an overwhelming amount of texts but gradually it’s always me writing him and he doesn’t really seem that interested in talking to me.
I realize that I have screwed up badly. Is there anything I can do in this situation?
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:36 am
Try going NC! Work on just healing a little from what you are feeling during that time. I think maybe right now you aren’t in the best shape to try to get him back so you might just want to take a little time out from him, let him miss you a little bit and then hit the ground running.
Thats my take on it.
Alyssa
July 23, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Dear Chris
I am a wreck since my bf broke up with me he said he
Didn’t feel the same anymore
But that I didn’t do anything or say anything wrong
His family are missing me
His sister keeps telling me he has locked himself
In his room and is as sad as I am.
It has been 5 days of no contact so far.
I am going to wait a month
But it’s killing me
I’m scared that he will think I don’t want him
When actually he is the love of my life
He’s the only ex that I’ve ever wanted back.
What can you suggest ?
I’m so miserable without him 🙁
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:07 am
First off Alyssa,
Are you a Final Fantasy fan? My favorites are 7, 9 and 10. I beat them all (thats the nerd in me sorry hahaha.)
Secondly, you shouldnt sit around and do nothing. During NC you need to work on improving yourself. Looking better, feeling better and optimistic are all part of the plan as well.
Alyssa
July 24, 2013 at 5:52 am
yeah final fantasy is my favourite series
My ex and I used to call each other yuna and tidus
He asked me to be his yuna when he wanted to bent
Boyfriend.
He used to quote all the sweet things they say to each other
During the game
Like when yuna says
Stay with me until the end ..
And he used to reply
Not until the end always …
I miss him so much I lost my tidus
My squall my cloud my zidane 🙁
I’m an absolute mess
I just don’t know what went wrong
He was the one making noise about us moving in
Telling me he loved me after a week.
Do you really think he’s gonna call me after a month
Because I just want him back so badly 🙁
All he said is he didn’t feel the same way anymore
But that i didn’t say or do anything wrong.
Do you think he just got scared of commitment
But I don’t want to lose my tidus 🙁
admin
July 25, 2013 at 1:51 am
Gosh, you are making me want to play FF again!
I remember getting through 10 and it was a nightmare fighting Jecht at the end. OMG I maybe spent a week leveling up just to survive that dang battle. In the end, I just had to put all my summons on overdrive and kill Jecht that way.
Sorry, sorry that is the nerd in me getting out.
I think if you truly want him back (since he says he broke up with you b/c he lost his feelings for you) you are going to have to use this time during No Contact to turn into someone he would want back.
M
July 23, 2013 at 8:48 am
Hi,
I have found your website really helpful.
My Boyfriend/Ex Boyfriend were together for 3 and a half years, we moved out together and everything and then unfortuntly had to move back in with our parents. We have broken up before because we were just stressed out and took it out on each other but that only lasted a week then everything was back to being great. However this time it was compltely out of the blue, he said he just wants to be alone for a while. Since we have broken up I have moved out by myself and he is moving out at the end of the month. I have been in contact with him and sometimes it’s nice just to chat to each other and other times it is horrible, I end up getting upset and he gets a little bit annoyed. He said part of him still loves me and he does miss me. I am so determined to just completly start fresh with him and go really slow back into a relationship with him because I feel I have changed over the past 6 weeks. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back together and do you think it is too late to do NC? Any advice would really help! Thanks, M
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:02 am
Never too late to try NC! In fact, I think in your case it would be really helpful!