How To Get Your Ex Back When He's Moved On To A New Girl

3,819 thoughts on “Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend”

Katie

December 3, 2013 at 3:31 pm

So here’s my story! My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years…we lived together for 3 years, had dogs together, traveled together, very close with each others family and friends family. I moved to ga for him. We spent ever waking moment together. He was my best friend. At the end of this summer I went to my best friends wedding up north… Who I haven’t seen in 9 years. At the wedding one of the groomsmen tried to kiss me i pushed him away and told him i have a bf. he apologized and we went on with our night and had fun with everyone. Never mentioned it to my ex bc I really thought it was nothing to worry about. Seeing her getting married made me so happy and I really wanted that with my ex. Not anytime soon just the thought of it. He would never say he wanted to marry me and it kinda hurt. He would say I wouldn’t be with you this long if I didn’t see a future with you. I guess that just wasn’t good enough for me to hear. After the wedding I was happy to be back home and see my ex but in the back of my mind I thought I was unhappy bc he never wanted to marry me. A week went by and we started arguing about stuff I kept saying he was so focused on his business and I thought I was holding him back right now with it. At the time I was starting to go out every night after work to have drink with a friend and she just kept telling me how we shouldn’t be together, I don’t seem happy and that me and her should move in together. I believed everything she said bc I thought she was a friend but I found out she was just thinking of herself. I ended up breaking up with my bf and moving out and ended up living with her. It was very hard to do all of that bc I still loved him and I still wanted to be with him I just felt like we both needed to work on ourselves. I had no intentions on seeing anyone else and I thought he felt the same way. I mean I’m sure we would date other people for company but not get into a relationship. A week went by and I ended up going back up north to visit my friend bc she knew I was going through a hard time and I missed her. I was still in contact with my ex bc of the dogs so my roommate at the time told me to tell him I was going to visit my family instead of going up north bc she said hes just going to think your going up there for someone else he’s going to question you and you don’t want to deal with all of that and I was like okay. So I lied to him about where I was going. I was very ashamed that I did it and I knew it was wrong bc I had nothing to hide bc I wasn’t going back up there to see anyone but my friend. I know it’s hard to believe bc I lied but its the truth and swore on everything. It was very hard time for both of us durning this break up. he said it was the hardest thing he has ever been through and he was going to therapy bc of it. Anyways, a couple weeks went by and I was really missing my ex. I asked him if he wanted to get back together or just slowly work things out. He said he is moving on with himself and his business and he was moving to Florida he didn’t want to change that. He kept telling me he loved me, he missed me, that if we’re ment to be together we will be together, but I couldn’t imagine my life with out you. It was really hard for me to accept that he moved on so quickly. Its been a month now, I started seeing pictures of him on this girls Instagram of him going out with her and all of his friends. Never thought anything of it was just weird bc he doesn’t drink and he hates going to bars and clubs. That’s when I started texting him a lot more and wanting to be with him. It was hard bc I was realizing I made huge mistake and I wasn’t happy. I didn’t have really any friends at least not any good ones. Then he found out I lied and everything just got worse. He said every hurtful thing he could say to me. That’s when I started being a little crazy bc I wasn’t thinking rationally bc I was so hurt by lying to him and with what he was saying. Started blowing up his phone and started texting his friends for advice. It was bad and desperate and embarrassing. He told me he never wanted to be with me again. Finally, I slowly stopped texting him and his friends. But there were times I would still text him about the dog and bills that I was still paying for at the house we lived In. But he would still ignore me. We started being cordial with each other. He moved to Tampa and I asked if me and our dog could come visit and he said we will talk about it sometime. A couple weeks went by and I texted him bc I found out the worse way possible that he was seeing someone else. All of his pictures from his phone were going straight to my computer. I saw pictures of her naked, in lingerie, face pictures, pictures of there text messages saying how much they liked each other and being with each other. How shes the luckiest girl to be with him. So of course seeing all of that my craziness started all over again. I started begging for him back and he kept saying no. It was so pathetic of me. He said he would rather be in a relationship with her then work things out with someone he was with for 3 1/2 years. He told me i need to give up and move on. This is the girl that was posting pictures up of him a month after we broke up so im assuming this has been going on for awhile. she goes to tampa and visits him. she is best friends with all of his guy friends and so im sure they encouraged it bc they all love her. so it doesnt make me feel any better about the situation. It destroyed me! I haven’t talked to him in a week but I feel like I really screwed things up with the begging and blowing up his phone. I love him and I still want to be with him as crazy as that is. I’m having a hard time moving on he was a huge part of my life. It disgusts me knowing he moved on after 3 weeks and then a month is in relationship with someone else. How do you do that to someone you said loved? Even after him telling me our break up was the hardest thing he has been through. I feel like if two people cared about each other they would make things work especially after us being together for so long. I know I made a mistake with the lie but with the break up I thought I was doing the right thing for him. I watch all of his friends give there gfs second chances and work things out but he won’t give me anything. And all of his friends gfs treated them like shit and horrible relationship. I never treated him badly and we had a great relationship so it’s hard for me to handle all of this. Not only all of this but I’m going through a lot of other stuff medical wise which has been very hard for me. So my brain is thinking very irrationally. I just don’t feel like he cares. Do you think she is just a rebound? Will he ever talk to me again or ever want to be with me again? I feel like I really screwed things up my chances of ever being with him again. I love him and miss him so much…. I want my other half back. Please I need help.

admin

December 3, 2013 at 8:10 pm

I think its likely he will talk to you again.

Ann

December 3, 2013 at 7:20 am

My ex boyfriend left me to go off to college & he now has a girlfriend. He’s only 20mins away but we don’t have cars so that’s far.2 weeks ago he admitted he misses me & our phone conversions. But he hasn’t contacted me since then.PS our relationship didn’t work because my parents hated him so we were never able to see each other. & I was 17 so they controlled where I went & with whom but I’m18 now so I don’t understand why he left instead of just waiting for me. I think he’s only with his new girl because she does the things I wasn’t able to like she lives on the same campus & I know they sleep together every night & she cooks & does all the other things I couldn’t because my parents got in the way. I mean I did sneak him over when I could & he knows I did a lot to try & make us work. What should I do?

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:59 pm

When was the last time you talked to him?
Ann

December 5, 2013 at 4:42 am

So I need you to help me figure out how to get him back, if that’s even possible at this point smdh
admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Well if you are patient I have something coming out that can do that for you.
Ann

December 5, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Lol ok when does it come out & what is it do I know what I’m looking for?
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:32 pm

Itll be out in a few days hopefully. I still have to finish it.
Ann

December 8, 2013 at 6:35 am

Oops stupid auto currenct! I meant to say, ok even though I might just wanna forget about him I still can’t wait to read it. Thanks for taking your time to respond back. I really do appreciate your work and effort.
Ann

December 7, 2013 at 4:28 am

Ok even though I’m not sure but I might just wanna forget about how I can’t wait to read it
Ann

December 5, 2013 at 10:09 pm

& my only question I cannot wait for to be answered is can I get him back or have I lost how?
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:35 pm

You can but that doesn’t mean it will be easy.
Ann

December 7, 2013 at 4:25 am

He started texting me a few days ago & we’ve been talking. I found out he does NOT have a girlfriend. I think right now since he’s in college and wants to act wild he’s just going through that single& college phase. I’m not even sure if I want him anymore. I think he’s too immature for me & one reason being that he wants to be a who’re so he can’t commit because we don’t see each other.
Ann

December 4, 2013 at 3:13 am

About 2 weeks ago. We go a little while without talking & when we talk again it’s through text or facebook & the conversation doesn’t last long

Ann

December 3, 2013 at 7:12 am

I was also his first girlfriend in 2yrs. Just throwing that out there because I guess it means he must’ve liked me
Laura

December 2, 2013 at 8:40 pm

my ex boyfriend and i were together 9 months, i split up with him due to not wanting a relationship, and wanting some space away from him. I had the space and after 3-4 months i realised how much i wanted him back and started to text him, getting him to tell me to piss off etc. left it another month,and spoke to him as i needed someone to talk to, he listened but then got this new girl he was seeing to text me getting me to leave him be, i sent him a huge ass essay on how sorry i was and that i was going to delete his number and i didnt want him to text back. and how thankful i was for all the memories we had. He text me back a couple days later, saying thankyou and wishing me luck i said how i was going to need it and he said oh fuck it, save my number and im always here for you if you need anything, anything at all. he also told me he had stopped seeing this new girl and has left her and is now with the other girl who he was also seeing at the same time. I don’t know what to do i really do want him back, i have no one at all to talk to, because i’ve lost everyone close to me.. help?

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Hey there,

I have something coming out in a week that is going to be really cool and help you a lot. Don’t feel alone though ok.

Ami

December 2, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Hello,

So, me and my ex boyfriend were together for a year and 4 months, everything was perfect, until October time, I had intended on joking around with him, and I guess he took it a bit to heart, it was a foolish joke anyways (The joke: “What would you do if I woke up with a vagina?” My response:” Well, I’d most likely leave and get the d from somewhere else, I’m not into girls”) Now that I look back on it, sure it seems a bit dickish for not wording it better, but anyway, we argued because of it hours later, and he broke up with me.

I went over to his and apologised for my response to the joke, he told me not to say sorry and that he doesn’t want a relationship anymore, but he said he’d think about it, so I went home (he gave me a jacket since I left without one and it was chilly outside) I got a message from him at 3:30 am the next morning, saying he wants to be with me, I was thrilled.

We got back together and I went down his later on during that day, it was a bit awkward, but eventually, everything seemed normal again. As the weeks went on, it seemed as though we never broke up in the first place, everything was good again, yeah, we had a few misunderstandings, but only about 3/4, (we had been back together for almost a month) things went extremely downhill when I got upset that he was talking to his mate whilst he was supposed to be spending time with me, since I wouldn’t be seeing him for the next two days as he was spending those days round his mate’s (he stayed there every Tuesday-Wednesday), but at the end of the night, he was trying to make me smile again and cheer me up, the next day, he told me that he was going to smoke weed with his friend because I “had a bitch fit” about who he was talking to, bearing in mind, he was grinning at me and smiling down at his phone saying “you don’t need to know”, of course this is going to make me feel insecure, only then to find out it was his mate, anyways, I obviously got upset about this because he had promised me that he wouldn’t take the stuff again (when he got back with me, he said if he got offered it, he’d refuse to take it)

Then we was back to normal by morning, and on the Thursday (the day he left me, also Halloween) I woke up to a lovely good morning message from him, as I almost always did before he broke up with me for the first time, I wrote one back, and a few hours later, I thought it was time to tell him something that had been bothering me for a while, since we got back together and he started hanging out with his mate again, it felt as if he’d changed as I no longer felt like I could talk to him about things without him getting mardy, so anyways, I told him it feels like he’s changed, but not to take it the wrong way, I then asked if we could talk about it later when he came over, that’s when he broke up with me.

At first, all I did was beg and plead, contact his mum, try to contact him etc. But soon I saw that wasn’t working, so left it for a while, I tried to keep away, but sometimes I slipped and sent him a quick message here and there (it was like this for about a week or so after he left me) I soon felt I was able to stop contacting him, so I stopped.

2 weeks later, he got in contact with me, saying “all we will be is friends” we sat there talking about why he broke up with me, he said “you were too controlling, a relationship felt like so much effort, and I am sorry for the break up, but I had to do what’s best for me, I still love you, but more in a friend way as I don’t feel a connection anymore, it sucks to say this, but it’s the truth” not knowing what to say to that, I left it be.

So life went on the next couple of weeks, until I found out I had miscarried his baby, I told his mum who told him, later on that night (Thursday night), he contacted me again, saying that he didn’t know whether to believe me or not, which I guess is understanding, anyway, we spoke some more, I wanted to talk about the relationship and work things out, but he declined, saying that it was too late to talk about it because he doesn’t love me anymore or care for me much anymore, he also told me that he has a girlfriend (that he’s now been with for about 6 days) but he doesn’t love her and that they’re taking things slow, so I thought it would be best to accept that and change the convo around, y’know, had a friendly conversation, told him he’d been missing out, but it seemed as if he didn’t want to know about that. He told me that we could be friends, or be complete strangers (basically he said “You can either be friends with me, or have nothing to do with me) so I chose to be his friend. (I told him how I had changed and stuff, but in a friendly way, and his response was “well that’s good for your next boyfriend then :)” he also said I had many good qualities, I asked him what they were, and he said he wouldn’t tell me because he didn’t want to.

The next morning, he saw me on the bus, he tapped me and said a friendly “hello” with a smile on his face, I returned the smile, and we both did our own thing from there, I got home later on that evening, and for some reason he had blocked me on the site we was talking on the night before, I have no idea why, as far as I’m concerned, I didn’t do nothing to offend him?

What has annoyed me about his new relationship is the fact that he doesn’t love her, and how he thinks he can move on so fast from someone which he was with for a year and 4 months of his life, even after clearly stating a 4 weeks ago, that he didn’t want a relationship because they were “too much effort”.

Yes, I want him back and I still love him, but I need advice because I really don’t know what this guy is playing at. We’ve now been broken up for 5 weeks almost (well, about that anyway) Bearing in mind, this is a guy who doesn’t really show his emotions, I just don’t know what to think and really need your advice, I know the relationship could work this time, if he just gives it a chance.

Anyway, thanks for reading 🙂

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Have you been able to do any type of no contact rule yet? Or is that out the door?
Ami

December 4, 2013 at 7:17 am

When I first stopped talking to him (about a week after we broke up) 2 weeks later he contacted me saying he was sorry for the breakup etc) then no contact was involved for a nother 2 weeks until he contacted me again (the most recent time stated in the comment) and I haven’t spoken to him since Thursday/Friday 28/29th November (when he blocked me for whatever reason I don’t know)

Aubrie

December 2, 2013 at 6:14 am

I’m beyond in love with this guy. Without notice, he ups and gets a girlfriend. I sent him a message via fb and told him how unexpected it was, how it hurt me, how I still liked him, but despite all that if he was happy then I could try and be happy for him too. He responded saying that he was sorry, he never meant to hurt me, that I’m a great person, but he wanted to have sex and he knew I didn’t want to just yet and he didn’t want to pressure me into anything and “corrupt” me. Him and this best friend I never heard of until then wanted to try out a relationship thing. Again, never heard of this “best friend” until this very moment. We weren’t having sex, but it was never a conversation about it either. Years went by and we went our separate ways. Me heartbroken and him enjoying his new relationship. Just before I graduated from college, out of nowhere, he messages me on fb. He gives me his number so I call him. We talk his whole lunch break. Everyday for about 2 weeks we texted each other. He tells me he has gotta see me before I leave for grad school out of state. I say okay lets meet at this event that goes on every year at the beach since that’s where me and my friends were celebrating graduation. He never shows and just as randomly as he contacted me, he disappears. Nothing. Gone like the wind. I know he is still in a relationship and he now has a son. I knew all of this when he sent me the fb message. His son will be 2 yrs old this coming July. I absolutely cannot get him off my mind. I’m just as much in love with him now as I was years ago and we haven’t said a word to one another in damn near a year. I want him back more than anything. Given he has a child with his gf now, should I just chop this up as a lost or is there still hope? I love him so deeply and I feel like he may still have a soft spot for me, but I can’t be sure. Help me please!!

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Have you tried any NC?

Uzerd

December 2, 2013 at 5:53 am

Am on NC already with him…Its day2 and am determined to make it work this time
Uzerd

December 1, 2013 at 10:13 pm

My Ex and I started dating 2mths ago, things were really cool with us, we were in a LDR about 5hrs frm eachoda….we called each other everytime and He came to see me twice! I got a smart phone and calls loopsided just text,text, text, I still made efforts to reach him on d phone, I couldnt bear it anylonger cause it felt like I was the only one making efforts to make us work. I told him how I felt about it and he appologised and promised to change..well e did for like 2days!
We scheduled a date for him to come visiting buh e cancelled 2times in a row….It was so painful, I felt hurt cos e neva even called to confirm the date,I asked him,then e apologised again….I probed further then he told me e longer was sure of his feelings….I felt like telling him to f**k off buh I just kept my cool nd told him it was ok,I guess dat shook him up a bit caused e kept texting me saying he was sorry….I told him shit happens,that I wldnt hate him buh I cant stay in a relationship fuelled by pity nd if e wants out e was free!
I tried NC buh I slipped thrice in one week cause I replied his text and picked up wen e called….its hard though…I want him back! What do I do?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Well don’t slip up hahaha.

Vivian

December 1, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Hi Chris,

He likes someone else and broke up with me. He wants to take things slow with that girl because he doesn’t want to mess up so I’m scared its not a rebound relationship. However I did some stupid things after the break up that made me look really desperate in his eyes. I have not tried NC yet, is there still any chance that after NC I can still get him back from the new girl?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Yes I think its worth a shot definitely.
Vivian

December 5, 2013 at 11:22 pm

He says that he want us to be “best friend”, really special friend. What does it mean though.
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:37 pm

I guess a nice way of saying he wants to remain friends.

Jess

December 1, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Hi Chris,

I broke up with my ex at the start of this year because I thought he cheated on me with my house mate. I only told him this 4 months ago and after hearing from him that he hadn’t I said I believed him. I asked him if he wanted to chat and he said he didn’t and ignored me. Shall I now apologise and suggest we should talk about why I didn’t say how I felt about him at the time?

Jess

December 1, 2013 at 3:39 pm

he has also got a girlfriend

Oralia

December 1, 2013 at 9:41 am

Hi Chris,

So my fiancé who I’ve had a relationship with for about 9 years now broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. We had our ups and downs but I thought we were ok. Unfortunately a female ex-worker of his began calling continuously recently with almost every excuse possible. She had recently lost her husband and was contacting my fiancé to have someone to talk to. I kept telling him to be careful because she may get the wrong idea from him and misinterpret his friendship. Well sure enough that’s exactly what happened. I know I didn’t help the cause because I began to act clingy and needy around him but because of her. Well he breaks it off with me and tells me he needs space and time to be on his own. Well I started the no contact rule with him but because we work in the same building we sometimes bump into each other here and there. And coworkers tell me that he’s sometimes peeking through my area to maybe catch a glance of me. I was excited about that thinking that maybe now he misses me and he’s thinking about me. Well to my surprise I checked his Facebook today and he updated his photo with apparently his new girlfriend, who happens to be that same woman I warned him about. I talked to his brother, who is a close friend of mine, and he tells me that he even took her to thanksgiving already. It has taken me by total surprise because this man was always so clear about loving me and wanting to be with me and only me that now I just don’t understand what he’s thinking or why he did what he did. I may have broken the no contact rule because I messaged him congratulating him on his new relationship and that I’m happy for him and hope he is too. Of course a part me doesn’t believe that and for some odd and stupid reason I still want him back. What should I do now?

admin

December 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. Have you tried the NC rule yet?
Oralia

December 1, 2013 at 11:15 pm

Yes I have. But I think he used that time only to get closer to her. Now I find out they’re together and nothing makes sense. Why one day we’re planning our wedding and the next he’s out the door? And into another woman’s arms? How does he just throw away 9 years of our lives out the window? How do u just stop loving and caring for someone that’s shared so many memories from one day to the next? (Literally). I hadn’t talked to him for like 3 weeks and we still haven’t talked even after me finding out this about him and his new girlfriend. I think right now I’m just emotionally devastated and crushed. I loved this person and I thought he really loved me. Now I’m just at a loss for words for what he’s done.
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Just give it some time. I don’t think this new relationship with her will last in the long run.
Oralia

December 8, 2013 at 10:38 pm

I have realized that I have no choice but to accept his decision. He chose to start up a new relationship with someone else, a relationship that makes no sense at all. They are completely different from each other, and there’s even a communication barrier between the two. I don’t understand it, but I need to stop trying to figure out. I’m only hurting myself by reliving the whole experience again.
When I first heard of his new relationship, my first reaction was anger and frustration! So talked to him and told him I was going to sell the engagement ring because he told me I could do whatever I wanted with it. And every time I see it, it only hurts me. But when I told him about it, he told me that I shouldn’t sell it, but rather I should keep it? I don’t understand why he would say this if he’s moved on. Our discussion got pretty heated. A couple days later I talked to him again about it calmly and he said that if I ever needed anything, that I knew where to find him. And again he mentioned the ring, and I told him that I really didn’t want to get rid of it, but I have no choice. I mentioned that because we had been the best of friends for so long that I hope one day we can be friends again. And I told him that I had thought we would celebrate together after I finished a major project I’m working on, since he’s been a part of it too. His reaction was “not right now.” And I said yeah I wouldn’t want your girlfriend to get upset or disrespect your new relationship, and he said “no it’s not that, maybe later”. I miss my best friend so much, but I wonder if he misses me?
I tried to go on a date but it was too hard. All I kept thinking about was “how was it so easy for him to move on to someone else? I can’t even carry on a conversation with this person without thinking about him”.
I guess now all I can do is follow your advice and everyone else’s out there, which is to do nothing. I have no other option but to bide my time. But this still haunts me, “why would he tell me to keep the engagement ring if he’s moved on? and I wonder if I cross his mind as much as he does mine?”
admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Have you read my latest guide?
Oralia

January 8, 2014 at 7:40 am

Hello Chris,

Since my last post, I have been trying my hardest to work on myself as you clearly state in your guides. I went on a mini-vacation, I’ve been hanging out a lot more with my friends, and I even went on a date! I cannot say that I’m completely over my ex, because it still hurts when I look back at our relationship.

Well I have done the no contact rule on my behalf, but he still calls me every once in a while. As soon as he found out I went out town, he called me and asked me who I was with, why I had left, who I was staying with? I had a satisfying smile on me for the next few days. Then I come to find out that he’s engaged to his new girlfriend and that he had been seeing her for a while behind my back. Now to review some history, this woman lost her husband earlier last year (2013) and about 2-3 months later she’s already moving on with my fiancé!!! Of course the news shook me especially because he chose the date that he and I were suppose to marry.
Later, right before New Year’s he calls me to say “Happy New Year and I hope you have a better year”. I thanked him, remained calm throughout the call and congratulated him on his engagement. He was surprised that I knew, but in the end all he said was thank you. I told him I was happy for him and his remark was “thank you, but it makes me sad that you’re not happy since we’re not together”. Oh that really made me mad, but like you’ve said throughout your guides, I am a classy woman who will not stoop down to insults. I told him that I was ok and that although we were not together, it didn’t mean I wasn’t happy. And that I have accepted his decision, he chose her and there’s nothing I can do to change his mind. Then I told him that I went on date! Of course right away he asked with who? where we went? if we shared the same beliefs? and so on. I didn’t give him specifics, so the next thing I know he calls one of our mutual friends, who I talk to, to find out more information. According to my friend, he was very curious who I went out with and apparently very surprised that I had gone on a date already. Throughout our phone call, I just had to ask him, “do you even think about me? do you even miss me?” to which he replied, “I try not to, but I do. I think about the good times we had together and I miss the things we would do together.”

His current fiancé is now showing off their relationship all over his Facebook page, at least that’s what I hear, since she blocked me from his page. She has him wrapped around her finger, doing everything and anything she says. He cancelled the phone number I had for him and is now using a different cell. He has yet to call me from it, because when he does call it’s through someone else’s phone or work #, which is why I answer because I don’t recognize the call. I know he does it because he doesn’t want her to find out he’s still having contact with the ex-girlfriend.

Throughout this heartbreaking process, I have learned how much he’s lied, the secrets he kept, and how he took advantage of my trust. I keep saying that I wouldn’t take him back but my feelings for him are not gone. Regardless of everything he’s put me through, I still care about him. I can’t shake the feeling, she’s just using him but there’s nothing I can do to make him see that. He doesn’t deserve me to care. He has disrespected me in the worse way possible. Every time I hear from him, I do feel happy and it makes me feel great to know that he is thinking about me and that I’m not out of his mind, but at the same time I just want to yell at him for betraying me, the woman who was suppose to be his best friend of 9 years!!! I don’t know what to think nor what to do anymore. I feel so confused. Please help me understand his behavior.
Oralia

January 23, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Is there still a chance to get him back if he’s living with her and they got engaged so quickly, only a month after officially dating?
I met up with him a few days ago and he couldn’t bare to look at me in the eyes and kept wanting to break down in tears. He said that although he tries to not think about me, he can’t help it because everything reminds him of me and before we went our separate ways, we kissed. I asked him if he was in love with her and he said, “I wouldn’t be with her if I didn’t” but then again he also said he still loved me.
Can I still get him back? or is this lost forever?

Dani

December 1, 2013 at 5:51 am

Hi Chris!

My name is Dani! You may or may not remember me, but I wrote you a few months ago (July) about my ex-boyfriend and how he got a new girlfriend in order to move on from me. Well I’m kind of giving you an update now on everything that’s happened! (& I have a few questions) … So after writing you, I decided to implement the NC rule for the rest of July & partially August. Towards the end of August, I asked my ex to meet up with me at the park, (as I previously promised him that I would see him before I leave for school, no matter what). I was BEYOND nervous to meet him bc I hadn’t seen nor spoken with him in what felt like forever. While at the park, we talked for a while (small talk), until he finally asked me why I had invited him to the park. I responded that I just wanted to talk bc I promised that I would him before I left. Well I don’t think he believed me. He assumed that I was trying to get him back. In fact, he told 2 of my closest friends that ‘the only way he would take me back is if his new relationship did not work out.’ They of course told me that he made that statement, & I became infuriated.. Anyways though, while at the park, he was telling me about his new relationship, and he made the statement that he ‘has love for her’. Before saying that, he commented how that he still loves me, but really has to give this girl a chance. He began comparing our relationships (how my parents didn’t care for him, but her parents love him & how I wasn’t full down for him [committed] but she’s fully down for him). Well of course I tried to remain cool, but it all hurt very much inside. I finally got tired of what he was saying, so I told him (& I might’ve been wrong for saying this) that no matter what you say, “I know you still care.” I know you’re still in love with me. “I see right through this front you’re putting up.” He strongly denied my statement of him putting up a front. He said he’s really happy.. Then I apologized for my wrongdoings in the relationship. He said that all was well & that he forgives me & all, etc… So on one final note, I told him that I loved him, & I left…

Now, we didn’t speak for the rest of that month, as we saw one another in person; however, towards the middle of September, he literally, randomly texted me one night saying that he still loves me and misses me but cannot be with me. I truly did not know what to say then, so I didn’t text him back at all. If I had texted him, it wouldn’t have been too nice, lol. So about a week or two later, he called me one night. I missed his call though. So the next day, I texted him asking if he had tried to call me (I already knew he did though, lol) & that I called him back. He responded that he did try to call me & was shocked that I called him back. He then began asking me how I was doing, & how were my (current) boyfriend & I doing (oh yea, btw, I am in a relationship now, lol). I told him we were fine & I asked him about his relationship. Well he responded that he & his girlfriend had broken up. This somewhat shocked me (but I felt great, lol). He explained it was mutual, & they did not like the fact that they could not see one another & that he simply did not want a girlfriend right now. He did not want to be attached to anyone right now. I understood that. (He again asked me who my boyfriend was, but I refused to tell him. I still do.) Over the next couple of days, we began texting more frequently, and he finally told me the truth about everything. He told me how much he loves me & missed me & how he was in such a dark place. He was indeed putting up a front. I explained to him why I stopped talking to him bc he was under the assumption that I stopped talking to him due to me seeing an instagram profile pic of him & his girlfriend. That was VERY FALSE! lol. After a while, we stopped talking as much again, as I was now about to receive more shocking news…

So towards the end of October, he called me to ‘check up on me’ as he says, & he mentioned how he was going to homecoming this yr & had a date, etc.. I told him how nice that was, etc.. & we hung up. Well, I did the dreaded thing & went on his instagram page later that night and saw that he posted homecoming pics of he & his (now) girlfriend. This did not surprise me, but I was baffled. He commented things such as “damn we fine” “see you tomorrow bae” “love her” etc… That’s how I realized they went to the same school. I remained cool, however. I did not call nor text him. A few wks ago, however, he texted me asking how I was doing/my boyfriend & I, and I told him fine. He then straight up told me that he has a new girlfriend now. Although I knew already, I played dumb & asked him basic questions like how long have they been together, etc.. He replied 2 wks. We continued our convo, but in the midst of the convo, he told me how much he still loves me, etc.. So I then told him that he’s very confusing. I was confused by the fact that about a month ago, he was just saying how he did not want a girlfriend right now, but a month or 2 later, is in YET ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.. I told him how confused he makes me & how I cannot deal with that. He did not know how to respond, so he replied that once he gets his thoughts together, he would explain everything to me. So the next day, we touched on the subject again, and he explained (now having gathered his thoughts as he claimed) how his new relationship just happened. Now I, with a passion, hate the phrase, “it just happened”; so I told him that was not a good enough explanation for everything. Now I know that in reality, he doesn’t really owe me any explanations seeing as that we aren’t together; however, the other part of me feels entitled to one bc of everything that he’s told me in the past/still tells me! How can you tell a girl that you’re madly in love with her & that you don’t see yourself ever getting with another girl bc you don’t want to & you’ll always be in love with her; however months later turn around & get into another relationship, then tell her that you still love/miss her but “can’t” be with her, then say you don’t want a girlfriend at all bc u don’t wanna get attached to anyone now, & then turn around 2 months later a get into another relationship?! This is why I was confused, & I let him know it. I just don’t understand…

So we continued to text one another, & a week ago, he ended up telling me that he’s still madly in love with me. The reason he told me that he has a girlfriend is bc he wanted to see how I would react; if I still cared. He said doesn’t feel the way about those girls that he feels about me. He wishes we could be together, but he’s decided that he wants to join the navy, which is his reasoning for saying that he wants to be with me, but doesn’t wanna be with me bc he doesn’t want to hurt me whenever he leaves for the navy, just in case he does not come back. Well I understand that. However, I asked him why is he in a relationship now if his plan is to leave in a year. He explained how he told his current girlfriend that he’s breaking up with her before he leaves. I honestly don’t know how she can stay with him now after he straight up told her that he’s gonna dump her in a yr, if not sooner. His dream isn’t to join the navy. I know it isn’t. So I really don’t want him to leave. At all. He insists though…

So now we talk pretty much everyday although both of us are currently in relationships now. We both would love to give our relationship another shot, but he says he’s leaving. What’s the point of him staying with this girl right now though if he’s just gonna leave her like he says? He tells me how much me cares about me & would actually cheat on his current girlfriend with me bc he’s so in love with me & missed me deeply. He basically tells me everything he told me while we were in a relationship… Chris, I can honestly say that the NC really helped! I thank you so much! I did not realize how much he missed me & still wants to be with me until now, even though he’s wrong for saying these things. Now although I knew that he was probably still in love with me, regardless of his latter relationships, I became slightly unsure whenever he made the statement that he had love for the girl. Well I am positive now of his feelings 🙂 Everything that he wouldn’t tell me before, he tells me now which makes me really happy; however, I’m still not satisfied. I thought I would be satisfied after knowing how he truly feels, but I am not. I can’t help but feel resentment towards him, Chris. During our period of NC, I was sooo hurt by everything & I did not know how to react to anything he said or did, & that’s not normal for me. I found myself eating a lot less (also not normal) & thinking about him every single day. I was blaming myself for everything that happened; telling myself that if I had been a better girlfriend, he wouldn’t have felt the need to try to move on from me by getting with someone else. Everything reminded me of him. I got anxiety every time I saw or heard something that reminded me of him. It was towards the point where I almost literally threw my food up (sorry for the crazy details) once whenever I saw his name on a freakin’ road sign. I was torn up for a while, but I told no one about it & did not talk to him…

After all that, I begin to realize that it was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself, get up, and go on bc while I’m sitting around feeling bad, he’s out there with someone else, & I doubted that he was having all these internal issues that I was having. I really had to remind myself of who I was outside of him. Although I was hurting, I had to get on with my life, especially considering the fact that I had a whole boyfriend!.. Now I can honestly say that my boyfriend helped (without knowing it) me accept things as they were. He made me happy. He makes me really happy now; however, I’m still not satisfied. I don’t know why, but the more I’m with my current boyfriend while still talking to my ex, the more I realize how much I miss my ex; how much I love him. I really love him & I think I would do almost anything for him. I know I’m wrong for talking to my ex now while I have a bf, but it’s hard for me not to. It’s like I have him back in my life, & I don’t ever wanna loose him again. He feels the same; & that’s how my current boyfriend feels about me. He refuses to let me go again; however, when ppl speak of “true love”, I find myself thinking of my ex & I. They say how if it’s true love, that person will come back to you, but if not, then they were never yours. Well I don’t know how much that statement holds true, but he came back, & reminded me of what I always knew. I would’ve never said it b4, but I say now that he’s the love of my life (besides Jesus, lol). I just find myself loving him more and more now & I don’t even know whyy, lol. I want to let go of him so badly bc he says he’s leaving; but in reality, I don’t want to let go of him at all nor can I. I guess after seeng my infatuation with another guy I met, I see how much I truly love my ex. I love my current bf as well, however. Even though we don’t see one another daily, he makes me really happy & I miss him even more bc I don’t see him all the time. I love being with him, but I am afraid that I’m hurting us by staying with him knowing I still have mad feelings for someone else. He thinks I’m over my ex, & he’s afraid of loosing me to anyone.. Is it possible for me to love both of them?…

I tell myself that I forgive him, (my ex) of everything he put me through/is putting me through, but deep down, I believe that I haven’t truly forgiven him. I hold resentment towards him getting into new relationships, although he says he wants me. I was a mess during that time, & I never wanna be that way again. I have somewhat accepted him now being with other girls bc of how he says he feels about me; however, I believe that actions speak louder than words. Much louder. So if he says how much he loves me/is in love w.me, then dump her, & be with me! Even that in itself is kinda crazy though bc I have a bf, & I can’t see myself leaving him for my ex. I don’t know why. In addition, he says he’s leaving. So I guess now I’m feeling as if what’s the point of us continuing to talk to one another if we’re both in relationships, & he’s pretty much said that he isn’t gonna be w.me bc he’s joining the navy. Although I love him dearly, I have always made him work for me, & even now, I do not want him to feel that he has me in any way wrapped around his finger just bc I’m talking to him again & told him how much I love him. I don’t want him to feel as if he can be in relationship AND have his me, his ex, telling him how much I still love him. It’s not right. I feel like you have a choice. So choose. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, nor have him think that I don’t love him; however, I can’t continue to do this. I think he believes that I would take him back in a heartbeat, but that’s not true anymore. I refuse to be his girlfriend (#2) while I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. If I were single, & he & his girlfriend broke up, I would make him work for me again because that’s who I am. It’s either me, or them. Period. Maybe that’s a little prideful, but sorry. I know who I am, & I know what I mean to him; therefore, I will not settle for less. I am just very confused about everything. So what should I tell him? How should I tell him? I think I know what to do about my current bf, but I am deeply afraid of hurting him again. What do I tell him? Should I just cease any type of relationship with both of them? I really hate being in this position bc it feels like a cycle. These are the same two guys who I went through this with before. I had to choose b/t them about 2 years ago, and I chose my ex; however, now I’m with the one I did not choose, and I feel like it’s all a vicious cycle. They both tried to move on from me & ended up realizing that I’m the girl they wanna be with; the girl they’re in love with. No one else.. I really hate this cycle, & I cannot continue to do this bc I know much I’m hurting my boyfriend & myself.

Sorry about the length of this!!! But I really had to update you on all that has happened since we last spoke! Anything would help! Thanks sooo much for your time and consideration! 🙂

-Dani

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Then maybe you should find a way to break the cycle. For once, do whats best for YOU as a human being going forward. Sometimes just taking a step back and rethinking things is the smartest thing you can do.
Dani

December 2, 2013 at 7:35 am

You’re right. Too often, I don’t think about what’s best for me bc I’m so concerned about other peoples’ feelings, especially when it comes to relationships, and I end up dissatisfied. I feel as if I should probably just be completely single right now bc that works for me… Thanks so much, Chris.

-Dani
admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Hey whatever you feel is best for you!

Lauren

December 1, 2013 at 2:15 am

Hi been reading your advice and would like abit more me and my ex were together on and off 7 years he always had trouble with settling down until Christmas 2011 out of the blue he proposed we were happy for about 7 months and then ran into some problems his brother started to come between us on purpose and our jobs causing us to argue and him to end it we walked away for a few months out of anger but then got back in contact. We were seeing each other for a few months but now he has a new girlfriend we argue whenever we’re apart and when we see each other it’s like we’re still a couple even around other friends I have tried to walk away many times but he tells me he doesn’t wanna lose me but never why does this mean he still has feelings because I’m convinced he does I still love him with all my heart and would appreciate any advice thanks Lauren

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:37 pm

The new girlfriend… do you seem the lasting in the long run?
Lauren

December 1, 2013 at 9:05 pm

Im not sure he never says he loves her he has slept with me behind her back and lies to her about coming to see me he just doesn’t like to be alone and I think that’s to avoid thinking about things such as feelings and memories please help
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:39 pm

Tell me again why you want him back?
Lauren

December 3, 2013 at 3:48 pm

Because I am still 100% in love with him no matter what he does my feelings don’t ever change

Candice

November 30, 2013 at 6:13 pm

Hi Chris, thanks for your website. My ex broke up with me about a month ago and I implemented the NC rule 10 days ago (For all the girls out there, it definitely gets easier with time!!). He messaged me today saying ‘he needs to tell me that he is going out with someone else now’. I haven’t replied. Why did he feel the need to tell me this??

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:03 pm

He was just making sure you didn’t hear it from some external force.

Emma

November 30, 2013 at 6:03 am

Hi Chris.

I was with my bf for 6 months. I lost my virginity to him. I broke up with him 5 weeks ago. My bf at the time came out of a relationship 5 months before meeting me, his ex he had a child with him who was 1. Se broke up with him.

While we were together we had great times and also bad times, in particular I felt although I new he loved me I felt he had unfinished business with his ex, I knew it I could feel it, call it my intuition. Anyway I felt as if he wasn’t their 100 percent for me emotionally because of his ex. So I broke up with him. For three days he was obsessive texting me ect I ignored him, it hurt me but I new I was doing the right thing. After this I didn’t hear from until 4 days he wanted to see me to say goodbye in person, I agreed to this, we slept together and said goodbye, it was so hard I felt so many emotions I loved him. That night he text me saying ur right em I love my ex I love my son. I was heart broken, I new this but I didn’t want to hear it we had a fight and he was very nasty and deleted my number I presume.

After this we hadn’t spoken in a week and a half he contacted my brother who was in hospital and went to see him and asked for my number and said he felt bad about the way he left things and wanted to apologise to me. He messaged me and basically wanted to get back together and that the last time we slept together had apparently made him feel so many emotions and was intense. I said no, he said he wasn’t giving up. I hadn’t heard from him 3 days later I found out from his mum that he had spent the weekend with his ex before contacting me wanting to get back together and that he was staying at hers the night I saw his mum. I felt sick and broken. I reacted silly I know I laughed at him and wished him luck, he said I’m just doing the things u missed out on I made a love heart out of rosé petals and lit candles around the room. I ignored him a week later his relationship status was changed on facebook and he had a pic of the, together saying my beautiful partner xoxo. I was heart broken messaged him silly again saying how CPU.d he be so insensitive he said dont message me ur making myself and his new gf who is a previous ex of his uncomfortable. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been a week. So I’m starting no contact. I miss him so much and regret breaking up with him and I’m not going to berg for him back, I just want him to realise that I’m the one he loves and not his ex but I guess I’m not. I don’t know what to do I’m so hurt and don’t understand why he is trying to hurt me.

admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm

Have fyou been able to do a NC rule yet?
Emma

December 1, 2013 at 2:06 am

Hi we have only gone just under 2 weeks no contact. Then he text and I replied. Its been a week this time and I’m going to try and do the 30 days no contact. I don’t know if it will work but I will give it a try.

Courtney

November 30, 2013 at 6:01 am

Where do I start. We have a 5 year old boy and on Nov 17th I had our daughter 9 weeks early. She happened to come on what would have been our 7 year anniversary. Back in May I hired a girl to work for him and I had gotten an email from someone he had cheated on me with her. Guess who he claims to love now and she is moving away for 7 months. He has told so many lies to me during this pregnancy. Is there anything I can do to save this or attempt even after all the harsh things said between us. Or how do I even begin. Nothing more then me wanting to repair something. He said he is happier without me and in a text called her a good time over calling her his girlfriend. And he goes on and on how he needs me to believe he never cheated and how happy he is. Please help me!!

admin

November 30, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Have you read this page yet: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/.

Also, may I ask why you want him back if he cheated on you?

Calypso

November 30, 2013 at 4:47 am

So, my ex and I went out for about a year, and I started to lose interest in him. I began talking to another guy and became really interested in him. Many of my “close friends” persuaded me into breaking up with my ex so I could stay with this new guy. Later on I decided to break up with him and I got closer to the new guy. Though, after a while I started to miss my ex and found out that he was going out with another girl. A couple of months later I find out he’s going out with his ex and so I become hopeless, and sad. Should I contact him? I really want to get close to him again.

admin

November 30, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I think you should try the NC before you contact him.

Rachel

November 30, 2013 at 12:33 am

Hi Chris! Your site is excellent, and you seem like a very kind, helpful person.
Anyway, my boyfriend broke up with me last week because basically he had said that his feelings had declined over time, and he didn’t think we had a future together. In the beginning, he had thought I was “the perfect girl.” At first I played it cool, and told him politely to leave, but I then made the mistake of emailing him and texting him in anger to basically put him in his place about how awesome he thinks he is and what he thinks he can get, once he got used to having me as his gf. He stopped responding, and I’ve initiated no contacted 2 days ago. I can see that he now spends an enormous amount of time every day on a dating site, because you can tell when the person is on it, and he’s like always logged in. I think he’s messaging a ton of new girls. Does this mean he’s pretty much completely over me and resolved to find someone new? Do you think that seeing all these other women’s profiles will make him not miss me because he’ll see the abundance of what’s out there from women showing their best selves? I get the sense he’s adamant about our not being right for each other, but I wanted to hear your thoughts. We didn’t fight a lot during the relationship, and didn’t make it personal when we did, but I definitely made it personal afterward. Thanks!

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:59 am

Have you been able to try a NC yet?
Rachel

December 1, 2013 at 1:07 am

Hi Chris, I just started NC, but it makes me nervous that he’s already contacting and likely even going out with so many girls (he always told me that would be his strategy while single- to message broadly and thus have a lot of options, even if there’s a low response rate). I’m afraid he’ll find new fun, pretty people in this month, who seem more exciting than his girl who had been angry and hurt, and even said very mean things to him after the breakup.
I’m trying to better myself and keep busy, and myself have many dozens of online messages to respond to, but I’m a sucker so only think of this one guy. I DEFINITELY agree to do NC, but will he even care or miss me if he has all these new online girls to distract him and make him feel like a stud? Will he forget about me in a month?
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:29 pm

I think that is the normal guy thing to do.. fill the hole you left in his heart with other women. It’s just the way some guys are.

Jamie

November 29, 2013 at 10:33 pm

My ex and I went through very rough times and I always forgave him. We broke up because I kissed and ex boyfriend after seeing how much I’ve hurt him after 14 weeks made contact and said to him I am sorry. I didn’t want the relationship back we ended up getting close again after I saw he really changed.

Weeks later after being together I found out he has a girlfriend and a lot of lies were told and I was very hurt and he started ignoring me. I wanted him/us back very badly so stayed in contact and he said that he loves me but doesn’t wanna get hurt and put status up that he loves her and picture I deleted him off my bbm, and all other sites and now he want a reason.

I thought we could make a fresh start but feels there to much damage and treats me badly and makes as if I am dum. He send me countless email inconfusion and now anger so I’m Done I need to brake ties and stick to it.

I still love him very very much but can’t spend my nights crying anymore. Help

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:54 am

Have you been able to do a NC yet?

Marie

November 29, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Hi all,

I’ve been split from my ex of 7 years for 4 months now.. 🙁 as you all know its horrendous. We’ve been reasonably amicable and all along he has said he doesn’t know what he wants! We had a rough last 12 months with circumstances which made our relationship difficult. I’ve taken this time to do the things your site suggests! I’ve focused on me and tried to go no contact, which has been difficult as we lived together so there has been lots to sort out. However he has started to see someone now.. When I have seen him he has told me its nothing serious.. And he sees her barely once a week. I was silly to begin with and didn’t take it well, although I tried to act ‘cool’ with him. I have gone properly no contact for 3 weeks now, however he has this week sent me a message almost every day! These messages were about commitments we had together which he agreed to honour.. Now he has changed his mind! I’ve keep silent the best I could with this, but I had to reply to one of the messages!! Just wondering if this has come about because I’ve been silent? Also I ignored his first couple of messages? Also have I messed no contact up now haven’t I? Do I need to start again? It’s all very confusing! Would appreciate thoughts please x

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:49 am

Yes you have and yes you will…

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