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heartstopped
March 17, 2016 at 6:27 am
Hi, I had a relationship when I was in college. We had 1 year college life and graduated. I went back to my country started to work and he followed me, which moves me a lot. Almost 4th year, 2 weeks ago, he broke up with me. Saying he does not love me anymore. I can’t believe it because half a year ago he proposed to me and I said no (I wasn’t ready for marriage). Now I am 24 and he is 28. He says he does not like my colleagues with our culture, he said he never felt he belongs to my friends, and we can not talk deeply. We live together, but having different working time so we don’t go out that much than before. And he has been texting his exgirlfriend of 5 years ago, long distance and no result. He says he wants to have a try otherwise he will regret forever. I begged him, he was so determined to break up with me. We had sex for 2 times after breaking up because we live in the same apartment still. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out please, I am so much in pain now.
leash_m
April 26, 2016 at 1:25 pm
My x and i broke up about two weeks ago we had a off and on again thing going on. I am really upset because i come to find out that he is seeing another girl that i think he has been seeing even before we broke up. I realize i was not the best girlfriend and i am two week into NC. He did call my dad and told him he was going to press harassment charges on me if i contacted him again and or her. But we still have stuff to exchange and i asked for it back he said he mailed it but never did. I think there is still a chance things can get better asking for your advice on this.
Thank You,
Leash_m
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 7:40 am
if it’s that bad, it means you really need to take time.. Have your dad get the things.. YOu really have to let him see that you’re moving on for him to get to you again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:49 pm
Hi Heartstopped,
Does he plan on still staying? If you can talk this out, try it. I think you can try to work the relationship out by being kind, engaging and having a positive energy.. You don’t have to act all happy, just not sad.. Be calm, caring, initiate a small talk, walk together outside but if it doesn’t work try nc after that .. but stay to be kind to him.. just don’t initiate a small talk and keep your distance..
heartstopped
March 17, 2016 at 6:27 am
Hi, I had a relationship when I was in college. We had 1 year college life and graduated. I went back to my country started to work and he followed me, which moves me a lot. Almost 4th year, 2 weeks ago, he broke up with me. Saying he does not love me anymore. I can’t believe it because half a year ago he proposed to me and I said no (I wasn’t ready for marriage). Now I am 24 and he is 28. He says he does not like my colleagues with our culture, he said he never felt he belongs to my friends, and we can not talk deeply. We live together, but having different working time so we don’t go out that much than before. And he has been texting his exgirlfriend of 5 years ago, long distance and no result. He says he wants to have a try otherwise he will regret forever. I begged him, he was so determined to break up with me. We had sex for 2 times after breaking up because we live in the same apartment still. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out please, I am so much in pain now.
leash_m
April 26, 2016 at 1:25 pm
My x and i broke up about two weeks ago we had a off and on again thing going on. I am really upset because i come to find out that he is seeing another girl that i think he has been seeing even before we broke up. I realize i was not the best girlfriend and i am two week into NC. He did call my dad and told him he was going to press harassment charges on me if i contacted him again and or her. But we still have stuff to exchange and i asked for it back he said he mailed it but never did. I think there is still a chance things can get better asking for your advice on this.
Thank You,
Leash_m
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 7:40 am
if it’s that bad, it means you really need to take time.. Have your dad get the things.. YOu really have to let him see that you’re moving on for him to get to you again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:49 pm
Hi Heartstopped,
Does he plan on still staying? If you can talk this out, try it. I think you can try to work the relationship out by being kind, engaging and having a positive energy.. You don’t have to act all happy, just not sad.. Be calm, caring, initiate a small talk, walk together outside but if it doesn’t work try nc after that .. but stay to be kind to him.. just don’t initiate a small talk and keep your distance..
Erika
February 27, 2016 at 2:37 am
My Boyfriend of more than 3 years ( we were on and off the last year)… Broke up with me, said he still loves me but it’s just not possible to continue in this relationship. I found out he’s been talking to someone else, and going out on dates with this girl. When we talked about him dating someone else he didn’t want to talk about it. At least I didn’t want to know because it’s none of my business. I am currently in NC, and he just sent me a hi how are you message. His mother still contacts me a lot. She wants to have breakfast with me, what should I say?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 11:22 am
Hi Erika,
actually it’s better if we also refrain contact from the relatives.. but go ahead of course.. your relationship with his mom should be separate from this but as much as possible, don’t tell her something that you don’t want your ex to hear
Erika
February 27, 2016 at 2:37 am
My Boyfriend of more than 3 years ( we were on and off the last year)… Broke up with me, said he still loves me but it’s just not possible to continue in this relationship. I found out he’s been talking to someone else, and going out on dates with this girl. When we talked about him dating someone else he didn’t want to talk about it. At least I didn’t want to know because it’s none of my business. I am currently in NC, and he just sent me a hi how are you message. His mother still contacts me a lot. She wants to have breakfast with me, what should I say?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 11:22 am
Hi Erika,
actually it’s better if we also refrain contact from the relatives.. but go ahead of course.. your relationship with his mom should be separate from this but as much as possible, don’t tell her something that you don’t want your ex to hear
Ali
February 26, 2016 at 11:46 am
I thought my ex was cheating. So after no contact for thirty days my ex found another girl. After i sent the first text we have been in contact. I visit him during his lunch breaks butt now he is trying to kiss me and i tell him to stop because he has the new girl. He tells me he doesnt care about her. He says he loves me. I want him back but not like this because it makes me feel dirty plus i wonder if he did this when we were together. Help?! What did i do wrong? I feel like he only wants me for a f@$! And nothing else. He has not mentioned getting back together or committing to me. What can or what should i do?-Ali
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 12:20 pm
Hi Ali,
don’t visit him… let him do the work..
Ali
February 26, 2016 at 11:46 am
I thought my ex was cheating. So after no contact for thirty days my ex found another girl. After i sent the first text we have been in contact. I visit him during his lunch breaks butt now he is trying to kiss me and i tell him to stop because he has the new girl. He tells me he doesnt care about her. He says he loves me. I want him back but not like this because it makes me feel dirty plus i wonder if he did this when we were together. Help?! What did i do wrong? I feel like he only wants me for a f@$! And nothing else. He has not mentioned getting back together or committing to me. What can or what should i do?-Ali
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 12:20 pm
Hi Ali,
don’t visit him… let him do the work..
Desperatedin Love
February 25, 2016 at 7:47 pm
I met my ex by internet we were talking everyday for 5 months so we developed feelings for each other. I visited for 1 month and a half and at the beginning all was great until i stopped taking my depression medication i told him i though he loved his ex and that maybe we should be just friends. Was just my depression talking. He broke up with me when i came back home after 2 days he started dating a new girl. That was so hard. I called him in Skype and he almost cry when he saw me because he missed me. He made the relationship with this new girl official. He then started saying he loved both of us now has been 2 months and we had been in contact. This week he stopped saying he loves me and getting very cold with me. But he never stops answering i am very confused i dont know what to do i feel like this girl is taking him away from me. Makes me so sad i really love him and i see a future with him. I feel like we have so much to do together. He still very attracted to me and says i am the most beautiful girl he has date but he is developing more feelings for her.
Desperatedin Love
March 3, 2016 at 1:09 am
He sent me a message saying he hopes i have a wonderful life. That i am amazing and i deserve a life that matches. I didnt answer, Is all lost ? Makes me cry his message.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 10:09 am
Oh..it’s too short for a 30 days and with what he said, it looks like they’re happy and serious.. To be honest, if you’re going to try further it will be a long time since you basically have to build friendship.. It’s better if you move on.. focus on moving on with nc and then when you can..you can be at least try to be friends with him again
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Do you think i need still 30 days we were just together 1 month and a half. Her has been with the new girl almost 3 months.
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 5:02 pm
He just replied ok no problem. ;(
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Hi Love
I made a mistake i told him today that i am giving him space for his new relationship and giving me space to feel better and maybe then we can be friends. Do i have to start again no contact or what should i do? Im sos sorry makes me so sad this situation. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 5:12 pm
It’s ok! you will still have to restart the count though.. good thing is you didn’t mention for how long
Desperatedin Love
February 27, 2016 at 6:16 pm
Thank you Love. You are right i will keep going with the no contact for 30 days. Since i started actually i felt better because was very stressful being in middle of the drama. Today he sent me a happy birthday message in Facebook i just sent a like and a thank you. I am trying to be away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 1:21 pm
You’re welcome.. 🙂
Desperatedin Love
February 26, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Yes i will. Yesterday i started the NC but to be sincere i am very scared that if i start doing it he will get more closed to his new girl. What do you recommend reading my situation. Please i need a lot your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 7:03 am
Yeah I understand… actually, Nc is still what I recommend.. but if you’re not going to do nc, do you have any other step in mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hello!
Are you going to do the steps Chris mentioned in this post?
Desperatedin Love
February 25, 2016 at 7:47 pm
I met my ex by internet we were talking everyday for 5 months so we developed feelings for each other. I visited for 1 month and a half and at the beginning all was great until i stopped taking my depression medication i told him i though he loved his ex and that maybe we should be just friends. Was just my depression talking. He broke up with me when i came back home after 2 days he started dating a new girl. That was so hard. I called him in Skype and he almost cry when he saw me because he missed me. He made the relationship with this new girl official. He then started saying he loved both of us now has been 2 months and we had been in contact. This week he stopped saying he loves me and getting very cold with me. But he never stops answering i am very confused i dont know what to do i feel like this girl is taking him away from me. Makes me so sad i really love him and i see a future with him. I feel like we have so much to do together. He still very attracted to me and says i am the most beautiful girl he has date but he is developing more feelings for her.
Desperatedin Love
March 3, 2016 at 1:09 am
He sent me a message saying he hopes i have a wonderful life. That i am amazing and i deserve a life that matches. I didnt answer, Is all lost ? Makes me cry his message.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 10:09 am
Oh..it’s too short for a 30 days and with what he said, it looks like they’re happy and serious.. To be honest, if you’re going to try further it will be a long time since you basically have to build friendship.. It’s better if you move on.. focus on moving on with nc and then when you can..you can be at least try to be friends with him again
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Do you think i need still 30 days we were just together 1 month and a half. Her has been with the new girl almost 3 months.
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 5:02 pm
He just replied ok no problem. ;(
Desperatedin Love
March 2, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Hi Love
I made a mistake i told him today that i am giving him space for his new relationship and giving me space to feel better and maybe then we can be friends. Do i have to start again no contact or what should i do? Im sos sorry makes me so sad this situation. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 5:12 pm
It’s ok! you will still have to restart the count though.. good thing is you didn’t mention for how long
Desperatedin Love
February 27, 2016 at 6:16 pm
Thank you Love. You are right i will keep going with the no contact for 30 days. Since i started actually i felt better because was very stressful being in middle of the drama. Today he sent me a happy birthday message in Facebook i just sent a like and a thank you. I am trying to be away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 1:21 pm
You’re welcome.. 🙂
Desperatedin Love
February 26, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Yes i will. Yesterday i started the NC but to be sincere i am very scared that if i start doing it he will get more closed to his new girl. What do you recommend reading my situation. Please i need a lot your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 7:03 am
Yeah I understand… actually, Nc is still what I recommend.. but if you’re not going to do nc, do you have any other step in mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hello!
Are you going to do the steps Chris mentioned in this post?
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 8:39 am
Hi,
I was with my ex for 6 years. Last year he left me for his work colleague, then we got back together because we have been through so much and have a little boy together. About 3 weeks ago he told me he was ending the relationship because we argue too much, but he cares for me however he was not in a relationship. I knew he was talking to this work colleague and now they are going back out.
I have started NC since yesterday, although I saw his WhatsApp status that mentions someone is being self – centred (I believe he may be referring to me). He is currently staying at my place, while I am at my mums with my son.
Would it be a good idea to tell him to leave? Will this allow him to feel out of his comfort zone and maybe want to come back? I am asking these questions although I am questioning whether or not I even want him back!
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 6:10 pm
Thank you for responding. Could that actually be the same effect as no contact? (Pushing him away because he is mad that I have blocked him and I am doing NC)
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:56 am
If he’s mad let him be for now because you have the right to block him after what he did…the difference with nc and telling it straight to his face is that you have no words that you will regret you said, less talk less mistakes..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 11:10 am
Hi Sasha,
that’s risky because you could also push him away if he gets mad because of that..
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 8:39 am
Hi,
I was with my ex for 6 years. Last year he left me for his work colleague, then we got back together because we have been through so much and have a little boy together. About 3 weeks ago he told me he was ending the relationship because we argue too much, but he cares for me however he was not in a relationship. I knew he was talking to this work colleague and now they are going back out.
I have started NC since yesterday, although I saw his WhatsApp status that mentions someone is being self – centred (I believe he may be referring to me). He is currently staying at my place, while I am at my mums with my son.
Would it be a good idea to tell him to leave? Will this allow him to feel out of his comfort zone and maybe want to come back? I am asking these questions although I am questioning whether or not I even want him back!
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 6:10 pm
Thank you for responding. Could that actually be the same effect as no contact? (Pushing him away because he is mad that I have blocked him and I am doing NC)
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:56 am
If he’s mad let him be for now because you have the right to block him after what he did…the difference with nc and telling it straight to his face is that you have no words that you will regret you said, less talk less mistakes..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 11:10 am
Hi Sasha,
that’s risky because you could also push him away if he gets mad because of that..
Liz
February 17, 2016 at 9:55 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now and have a baby together. This past couple of months something has changed between us, he’s become distant, doesn’t seem to enjoy my company anymore, everything I say or do he either finds annoying or gets mad at me. Just recently he admitted to losing feelings for me and developing feelings for my friend, he even spoke of starting a future with her…I have no idea what to do!! I just want things to go back to the way they were, please help me get my man back!
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi Liz,
I know exactly how you feel with the distancing and the getting mad even if you have not done anything. We also have a son together.
The only difference is my ex is going back out with his colleague.
Does your friend know how he feels? Has your friend said anything about this?
I wish you all the best.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi Liz,
Don’t nag about it.. how do they see each other? are they work mates? how frequent is he at home?
Liz
February 17, 2016 at 9:55 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now and have a baby together. This past couple of months something has changed between us, he’s become distant, doesn’t seem to enjoy my company anymore, everything I say or do he either finds annoying or gets mad at me. Just recently he admitted to losing feelings for me and developing feelings for my friend, he even spoke of starting a future with her…I have no idea what to do!! I just want things to go back to the way they were, please help me get my man back!
Sasha
February 19, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi Liz,
I know exactly how you feel with the distancing and the getting mad even if you have not done anything. We also have a son together.
The only difference is my ex is going back out with his colleague.
Does your friend know how he feels? Has your friend said anything about this?
I wish you all the best.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi Liz,
Don’t nag about it.. how do they see each other? are they work mates? how frequent is he at home?
Heartbroken
February 16, 2016 at 6:23 pm
Hello… So while on vacation in Hawaii, I met this man. Perfect man, shall I say. We both considered our having met to be an incredible chance of fate, because we met walking down an abandoned city street and wouldn’t even have bumped into eachother had the timing been off by 20 seconds. We were extremely taken with eachother, went on dates, etc… Although I adored him, I did not expect anything to come of our fling at the time. He lived on the eastcoast, I on the westcoast, but upon leaving Hawaii he admitted his feelings were stronger than he’d felt for anyone and asked to continue contact thereafter. We talked hours on hours per night on the phone, and there was insane chemistry. We made eachother laugh, shared stories, got to know eachother more, and dreamt of a future togther. We sent lots of pictures. Eventually, he admitted to being in love with me, and at first I didn’t know what to say. I was scared to love someone on the opposite side of he country. I was scared of the “L-word” in general! He told me it was fine and not to say it back unless I meant it, that he was okay loving me without the return for now, he promised in a teasing manner that I would fall in love with him. Little did he know, I already was, and a few days later I said my first “I love you” to him, and he begged me to commit to a relationship with him. Fearful of the distance but in love, I doubtfully agreed. He told me he dreamed of me, wanted to bewith me in the future, that I was like no girl he’d met, and spoiled me with affection every night on the phone. He was handsome, sweet, passionate, funny, charming, hard-working, ambitious, talented and at times had a childish sense of humor that shone through despite his manliness. I was smitten. I agreed that when I transfered into a different university, I would go to school in his state, NY. I could finish school, while he would continue to run his father’s business, I would likely move there in January of 2017. The months passed and he showed a different side of him on the phone that came with trust, he was broken. His father had left him as a baby, he’d had a difficult childhood, and his previous girlfriend of two years, cheated on him. He had trust issues and fears, and began to constantly doubt me. We got in many fights over this, and he believed I would see other people and break his heart. I reassured him, no. We had agreed from the go not to see anyone else, emotionally or sexually, and wait to see eachother. We had great phone sex, and amazing chemistry in person. We each gave the other permission to see someone else if we’d be honest about it and tell the other, but we both didn’t want it. Both said no. From June, when we started dating, to November, it was like this, occasional arguments about trust on his part, but passionate phone calls filled with laughter and the dream of being in each other’s arms again. I was so in love, despite his broken pieces. I loved it all. From December to January, he was distant. He called less, we didn’t talk as much, he was busy running his business. In January, he admitted there were family issues going on, serious ones, and that between work and family, we wouldn’t have much time to talk and he feared I couldn’t be patient. I told him I could, that I’d wait for him. He sounded doubtful. A week after that, we broke up because he thought I couldn’t be patient with his lifestyle. I tried to talk him out of it on the phone, I cried, but he wouldn’t listen, he goes cold when he’s emotional or hurting. He asked me not to contact him again. We broke up that day, I was beyond heartbroken and torn apart for the days after. Despite that, I resisted contacting him for two and a half weeks, until he messaged me saying he missed me. He asked if I was seeing anyone else, I said no, and we talked it out on the phone. He said he didn’t want to be without me, that he was willing to wait. He said he would avoid any arguing with me because he knew I was who he wanted to be with. He again, told me I could see other people if I wanted to because he said he was trying not to be selfish and that it didn’t matter if in the end he’d have me. I told him no, firmly, that I wanted him only. Things went smoothly, but because of his family and business, we barely talked compared to how we had in the past. He kept apologizing and asking me to be patient, I comforted him and told him I understood. His family issues were things he refused to talk about on the phone for privacy issues and we agreed he’s tell it all to me in person, but from what I understood it was extremely complicated. I was patient. We still texted throughtout the day and called to say good night. Things were hard not talking as much, but going smoothly. Then out of nowhere, he told me he couldn’t do it anymore. He told me he was uncomfortable because the closer he gets to someone the more he ends up pushing them away, that he was extremely in love with me but couldn’t deal with having me wait. We were supposed to reunite this summer, but because of his family issues he’ll be in EU for the summer visiting family, and would not have service there. I told him I could wait, I was patient, that we’d already been fighting for this for 8 months, that I wanted it. I told him I was in love with him. He refused, saying his family issues are complicated and he’s so busy that he doesn’t think he could deal with a relationship right now and that I shouldn’t wait. He said I deserved better and that I didn’t deserve to take on his family issues with him. He hinted he was in danger, and this only worried me more. He said he wasn’t sure if he could ever be in a relationship, with anyone, and that if we stayed together he’d end up hurting me. I cried. I couldn’t understand, but I came to my senses and tearfully told him there was nothing I could do to talk him out of it and if that’s what’s best for him then so be it. He had originally asked I don’t contact him, but on the phone changed his mind and asked that if I ever have a bad day and need someone to talk to, contact him. It broke my heart. I’m still broken. I’m worried for him, for his safety, for his happiness. He knows I’m moving to his city next year, regarless of whether we date or not, because that’s the school I want into. He has BPD, and that is why he pushes me away, out of fear of abandonment. He’s also depressed right now because of his family issues. I wanted to always be there. We always made eachother laugh. I wanted to help him be happy and comfort him through this. I’m so, so hurt. We’ve been broken up for a week now and I could not stop crying the first few days and I felt like a baby. I have not contacted him. We don’t have social media, aside from WhatsApp, but I see him online sometimes during the day. I miss him so much it hurts. I’ve been working on myself in the meantime, falling back in love with myself, going to the gym, working, preparing for classes to start, doing all I can to be in my happy place, but at the end of the day it stil kills me not to talk to him. I’m trying to accept he’s not mine anymore. What do I do? Does NC apply here, because of his situation? Will he come back? Do I need to contact him? I’m a week into no contact right now. Last time we didn’t talk he contacted me, but this time was different. He said he wouldn’t give in and contact me this time… I’m devastated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi heartbroken,
For me there’s nothing you can do but give him space and let him settle his issues and of he wants to get back, he should prove to you that he candle all of this because you’ve been nothing but understanding for him..
Heartbroken
February 16, 2016 at 8:04 pm
What we has was magical. The time we spent together in Hawaii felt like a dream, we both felt that way. We had such a connection, it sounds corny, but we fell in love from the go. He’s said numerous times “I went to spend the rest of my life with you,” “I want to mary you,” “I want to wake up next to your beautiful face every morning,” “I want you to have my babies,” “I want to spoil you.” I never asked for him to say any of that, he just said he knew he wanted to be with me and that we met for a reason. He’s such a beautiful person and so passionate about work, art, success, me. Everything he does, he puts his all into, but that passion, passion for all of those things, almost seemed to go missing these past couple months when things came up with his family. I think he pushed me away out of his own sadness… That’s why I worry. Will he come back? Do you think it will pass?
Heartbroken
February 16, 2016 at 6:23 pm
Hello… So while on vacation in Hawaii, I met this man. Perfect man, shall I say. We both considered our having met to be an incredible chance of fate, because we met walking down an abandoned city street and wouldn’t even have bumped into eachother had the timing been off by 20 seconds. We were extremely taken with eachother, went on dates, etc… Although I adored him, I did not expect anything to come of our fling at the time. He lived on the eastcoast, I on the westcoast, but upon leaving Hawaii he admitted his feelings were stronger than he’d felt for anyone and asked to continue contact thereafter. We talked hours on hours per night on the phone, and there was insane chemistry. We made eachother laugh, shared stories, got to know eachother more, and dreamt of a future togther. We sent lots of pictures. Eventually, he admitted to being in love with me, and at first I didn’t know what to say. I was scared to love someone on the opposite side of he country. I was scared of the “L-word” in general! He told me it was fine and not to say it back unless I meant it, that he was okay loving me without the return for now, he promised in a teasing manner that I would fall in love with him. Little did he know, I already was, and a few days later I said my first “I love you” to him, and he begged me to commit to a relationship with him. Fearful of the distance but in love, I doubtfully agreed. He told me he dreamed of me, wanted to bewith me in the future, that I was like no girl he’d met, and spoiled me with affection every night on the phone. He was handsome, sweet, passionate, funny, charming, hard-working, ambitious, talented and at times had a childish sense of humor that shone through despite his manliness. I was smitten. I agreed that when I transfered into a different university, I would go to school in his state, NY. I could finish school, while he would continue to run his father’s business, I would likely move there in January of 2017. The months passed and he showed a different side of him on the phone that came with trust, he was broken. His father had left him as a baby, he’d had a difficult childhood, and his previous girlfriend of two years, cheated on him. He had trust issues and fears, and began to constantly doubt me. We got in many fights over this, and he believed I would see other people and break his heart. I reassured him, no. We had agreed from the go not to see anyone else, emotionally or sexually, and wait to see eachother. We had great phone sex, and amazing chemistry in person. We each gave the other permission to see someone else if we’d be honest about it and tell the other, but we both didn’t want it. Both said no. From June, when we started dating, to November, it was like this, occasional arguments about trust on his part, but passionate phone calls filled with laughter and the dream of being in each other’s arms again. I was so in love, despite his broken pieces. I loved it all. From December to January, he was distant. He called less, we didn’t talk as much, he was busy running his business. In January, he admitted there were family issues going on, serious ones, and that between work and family, we wouldn’t have much time to talk and he feared I couldn’t be patient. I told him I could, that I’d wait for him. He sounded doubtful. A week after that, we broke up because he thought I couldn’t be patient with his lifestyle. I tried to talk him out of it on the phone, I cried, but he wouldn’t listen, he goes cold when he’s emotional or hurting. He asked me not to contact him again. We broke up that day, I was beyond heartbroken and torn apart for the days after. Despite that, I resisted contacting him for two and a half weeks, until he messaged me saying he missed me. He asked if I was seeing anyone else, I said no, and we talked it out on the phone. He said he didn’t want to be without me, that he was willing to wait. He said he would avoid any arguing with me because he knew I was who he wanted to be with. He again, told me I could see other people if I wanted to because he said he was trying not to be selfish and that it didn’t matter if in the end he’d have me. I told him no, firmly, that I wanted him only. Things went smoothly, but because of his family and business, we barely talked compared to how we had in the past. He kept apologizing and asking me to be patient, I comforted him and told him I understood. His family issues were things he refused to talk about on the phone for privacy issues and we agreed he’s tell it all to me in person, but from what I understood it was extremely complicated. I was patient. We still texted throughtout the day and called to say good night. Things were hard not talking as much, but going smoothly. Then out of nowhere, he told me he couldn’t do it anymore. He told me he was uncomfortable because the closer he gets to someone the more he ends up pushing them away, that he was extremely in love with me but couldn’t deal with having me wait. We were supposed to reunite this summer, but because of his family issues he’ll be in EU for the summer visiting family, and would not have service there. I told him I could wait, I was patient, that we’d already been fighting for this for 8 months, that I wanted it. I told him I was in love with him. He refused, saying his family issues are complicated and he’s so busy that he doesn’t think he could deal with a relationship right now and that I shouldn’t wait. He said I deserved better and that I didn’t deserve to take on his family issues with him. He hinted he was in danger, and this only worried me more. He said he wasn’t sure if he could ever be in a relationship, with anyone, and that if we stayed together he’d end up hurting me. I cried. I couldn’t understand, but I came to my senses and tearfully told him there was nothing I could do to talk him out of it and if that’s what’s best for him then so be it. He had originally asked I don’t contact him, but on the phone changed his mind and asked that if I ever have a bad day and need someone to talk to, contact him. It broke my heart. I’m still broken. I’m worried for him, for his safety, for his happiness. He knows I’m moving to his city next year, regarless of whether we date or not, because that’s the school I want into. He has BPD, and that is why he pushes me away, out of fear of abandonment. He’s also depressed right now because of his family issues. I wanted to always be there. We always made eachother laugh. I wanted to help him be happy and comfort him through this. I’m so, so hurt. We’ve been broken up for a week now and I could not stop crying the first few days and I felt like a baby. I have not contacted him. We don’t have social media, aside from WhatsApp, but I see him online sometimes during the day. I miss him so much it hurts. I’ve been working on myself in the meantime, falling back in love with myself, going to the gym, working, preparing for classes to start, doing all I can to be in my happy place, but at the end of the day it stil kills me not to talk to him. I’m trying to accept he’s not mine anymore. What do I do? Does NC apply here, because of his situation? Will he come back? Do I need to contact him? I’m a week into no contact right now. Last time we didn’t talk he contacted me, but this time was different. He said he wouldn’t give in and contact me this time… I’m devastated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi heartbroken,
For me there’s nothing you can do but give him space and let him settle his issues and of he wants to get back, he should prove to you that he candle all of this because you’ve been nothing but understanding for him..
Heartbroken
February 16, 2016 at 8:04 pm
What we has was magical. The time we spent together in Hawaii felt like a dream, we both felt that way. We had such a connection, it sounds corny, but we fell in love from the go. He’s said numerous times “I went to spend the rest of my life with you,” “I want to mary you,” “I want to wake up next to your beautiful face every morning,” “I want you to have my babies,” “I want to spoil you.” I never asked for him to say any of that, he just said he knew he wanted to be with me and that we met for a reason. He’s such a beautiful person and so passionate about work, art, success, me. Everything he does, he puts his all into, but that passion, passion for all of those things, almost seemed to go missing these past couple months when things came up with his family. I think he pushed me away out of his own sadness… That’s why I worry. Will he come back? Do you think it will pass?
Jiya
February 13, 2016 at 6:33 pm
My bf broke up with me for the 4th time. We are in a long distance relationship from 2 years and 6 years of being together in total. Our relationship was never constant from 2 years but this time it was better than ever. He gave me the reason that he doesnt feel like it anymore and he cant maintain longdistance now. We are just 3 hours away. He is just making an excuse i know. But the most hurtful thing is its valentines day tommorow i already ordered gifts online and sent him which cant b undone ofcourse i didnt see thid breakup coming up . And after 15 days his bday is coming up.when we were together i wanted to surprise visit him.. but now m not sure if i should show up. I think i should show up may be things will turn out better. Any advice?
Jiya
February 15, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Hello?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:23 am
Hi Jiya,
I replied to your last comment.. On case you can’t see it, this was what I said:
“Tell him the truth… If you reay value yourself, tell him that it’s either he leaves the girl or you stop waiting. And then see what he does after that.. of he doesn’t reply, do nc. If he agrees, let him prove it, if he doesn’t prove it, walk away”
Jiya
February 13, 2016 at 6:33 pm
My bf broke up with me for the 4th time. We are in a long distance relationship from 2 years and 6 years of being together in total. Our relationship was never constant from 2 years but this time it was better than ever. He gave me the reason that he doesnt feel like it anymore and he cant maintain longdistance now. We are just 3 hours away. He is just making an excuse i know. But the most hurtful thing is its valentines day tommorow i already ordered gifts online and sent him which cant b undone ofcourse i didnt see thid breakup coming up . And after 15 days his bday is coming up.when we were together i wanted to surprise visit him.. but now m not sure if i should show up. I think i should show up may be things will turn out better. Any advice?
Jiya
February 15, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Hello?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:23 am
Hi Jiya,
I replied to your last comment.. On case you can’t see it, this was what I said:
“Tell him the truth… If you reay value yourself, tell him that it’s either he leaves the girl or you stop waiting. And then see what he does after that.. of he doesn’t reply, do nc. If he agrees, let him prove it, if he doesn’t prove it, walk away”
Emily
February 10, 2016 at 4:24 pm
My boyfriend of almost three years broke up with me ON Christmas. It was an on and off relationship, and it wasn’t very healthy, but I thought things were finally starting to get better. After he broke up with me, I begged, cried..you name it, I did it. But then he told me there was someone else.. I was heartbroken. Apparently he was dating one of his best friends girlfriends, sister. This family is very religious and, thats not like my (ex)boyfriend at all. He would never go to church with me. He told me he had to quit his job because they wouldn’t give him off Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights for church. He told me he loved her..and no longer loved me. (P.s we share a dog together) He said if i ever wanted to come get her or see our dog, I could call his mom. That was the last conversation we had before I blocked him from everything. About a week and a half later, he contacted my mom asking her to tell me to unblock him, so I did. He said he was sorry about what he said and he still wanted to be my friend. I told me maybe some day in the future, but not right now. He said he still wants to marry me and be with me forever, but we shouldn’t be together at the moment.. I was so confused but I told him I don’t see us getting back together in the future, that he made this decision and he has to accept it (Even though I do want to get back with him). So three weeks, little to no contact, he called me almost in tears. So I went over to his house.. (big mistake) He told me loved me and felt like he made a huge mistake. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him.. yet he still couldn’t be with me.. WHY? He said his other best friend is now dating his girlfriends best friend. I feel like this all some type of joke or they’re all doing it for fun.. I just don’t know. He said he still curses, and smokes, but he just keeps it a secret from his girlfriend. We ended up hooking up beforeI left, and he gave me the longest hug ever.. even when I tried to pull away. He said “drive careful and text me later” I said ok.. then left. Should I do no contact for real this time? What do you think about this situation? Should I tell him I’m not talking to him if he asks??? HELP 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 10:55 am
Tell him the truth… If you reay value yourself, tell him that it’s either he leaves the girl or you stop waiting. And then see what he does after that.. of he doesn’t reply, do nc. If he agrees, let him prove it, if he doesn’t prove it, walk away
Emily
February 10, 2016 at 4:24 pm
My boyfriend of almost three years broke up with me ON Christmas. It was an on and off relationship, and it wasn’t very healthy, but I thought things were finally starting to get better. After he broke up with me, I begged, cried..you name it, I did it. But then he told me there was someone else.. I was heartbroken. Apparently he was dating one of his best friends girlfriends, sister. This family is very religious and, thats not like my (ex)boyfriend at all. He would never go to church with me. He told me he had to quit his job because they wouldn’t give him off Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights for church. He told me he loved her..and no longer loved me. (P.s we share a dog together) He said if i ever wanted to come get her or see our dog, I could call his mom. That was the last conversation we had before I blocked him from everything. About a week and a half later, he contacted my mom asking her to tell me to unblock him, so I did. He said he was sorry about what he said and he still wanted to be my friend. I told me maybe some day in the future, but not right now. He said he still wants to marry me and be with me forever, but we shouldn’t be together at the moment.. I was so confused but I told him I don’t see us getting back together in the future, that he made this decision and he has to accept it (Even though I do want to get back with him). So three weeks, little to no contact, he called me almost in tears. So I went over to his house.. (big mistake) He told me loved me and felt like he made a huge mistake. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him.. yet he still couldn’t be with me.. WHY? He said his other best friend is now dating his girlfriends best friend. I feel like this all some type of joke or they’re all doing it for fun.. I just don’t know. He said he still curses, and smokes, but he just keeps it a secret from his girlfriend. We ended up hooking up beforeI left, and he gave me the longest hug ever.. even when I tried to pull away. He said “drive careful and text me later” I said ok.. then left. Should I do no contact for real this time? What do you think about this situation? Should I tell him I’m not talking to him if he asks??? HELP 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 10:55 am
Tell him the truth… If you reay value yourself, tell him that it’s either he leaves the girl or you stop waiting. And then see what he does after that.. of he doesn’t reply, do nc. If he agrees, let him prove it, if he doesn’t prove it, walk away
Confused
February 1, 2016 at 6:40 am
Hi! What do I do when he’s had a girlfriend for 2 months and it is not a rebound anymore? He is also not replying to me. How do I get him to reply, and then what do I do from there? Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 10:47 am
Hi Confused,
That’s hard. If you really want him back, you have to be very patient. Of he’s really serious with her, they’re in the honeymoon stage and if you’re going to attemp to get him back, he might pull back because he’ll see that his interaction with you can hurt the relationship. The only way is that you remain friends and if ever, their relationship will show problems, he’s going to compare you and see you as a better choice.
Confused
February 1, 2016 at 6:40 am
Hi! What do I do when he’s had a girlfriend for 2 months and it is not a rebound anymore? He is also not replying to me. How do I get him to reply, and then what do I do from there? Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 10:47 am
Hi Confused,
That’s hard. If you really want him back, you have to be very patient. Of he’s really serious with her, they’re in the honeymoon stage and if you’re going to attemp to get him back, he might pull back because he’ll see that his interaction with you can hurt the relationship. The only way is that you remain friends and if ever, their relationship will show problems, he’s going to compare you and see you as a better choice.