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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

  1. TS

    April 23, 2015 at 7:52 am

    Hi Chris,

    Is NC work for short-term relationship, like.. 4 months? I just broke up with my 4 months bf, Is it still working?

    Thanks 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      Yes it can definitely still work.

  2. Anonymous

    April 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    Hey,
    I’ve been in a long distance relationship since almost 2yrs.We’ve met each other in person for not more than 10 times.He lives in a different city but his family lives here.He told me he’ll leave for US along with his family,they’re permanently shifting there,I thought it’s no big deal but then he started ignoring me and told me he had doubts that it wouldn’t work,I burst out of anger.I said alot of inappropriate stuff to him.He blocked me from whatsapp and facebook.He said he’d never want to be with me.I texted him apologizing alot.He said he has forgiven me but he cannot be with me anymore.I begged him to take me back.He didn’t reply me.I even tried overdosing on sleepingpills but my sister made me vomit and gave me an antedote.She told this to my boyfriend.He wrote long messages for me telling me to be independent and happy and that he needs time to heal.He unblocked me on whatsapp and messaged me ‘inserts my name here?’ i replied by writing his name back but he didn’t reply me.What do I do now?I love him alot.I can never even imagine of any other guy.I want him back at any cost. Please help me.
    P.s we met at a volunteer program and we were just friends and after an year he proposed to me.His mom even talked to mine right after we got into a relationship but things got messed up.My mom refused because i am just 18 and he’s 21.She thinks i am too young and now his mom wouldn’t talk to my mom again ever because her ego has been hurt.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2015 at 12:13 am

      I would definitely like to recommend that you check out the LDR post.

      Also, listen to some of my podcasts on LDR’s (I am a veteran when it comes to those soooo I have some good insight.)

  3. Autumn

    April 21, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    My ex and I were together for 8 months we dated for 6 months before making it official and we were friends for a year before we started dating. He is a dad and I was always really understanding about taking things slow. He was always being straight forward and honest with me. It attracted me very much to him and I respected him so much for his character. 3 months into our relationship I hit hard times and became homeless. He took me in and let me live with him and his dad even though they only had a one bedroom. I’m very traditional so this was very hard for me. I constantly voiced my concern of invading his space or making his dad feel uncomfortable but he insisted I stay. We grew very close and not once got into an arguement. After 3 months the landlord didn’t want 3 occupants in a 1 bedroom so I had to leave. Our last day together was rough and I broke into tears, I have been through a lot in the past 8 months and leaving him was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t have a phone and neither did he so we knew we would only be able to contact one another via Facebook. Before I left I told him no matter when he wanted to see I would find a way to him no matter what (I was moving 40 minutes away). I tried my hardest to keep positive and keep moving forward. A few days after I left he expressed how much he missed me and said i was the best girlfriend. He told me he would call me as soon as he got his phone fixed but he didn’t. Then for two weeks after that we stopped talking until i messaged him asking how he was and he said he was busy focusing on himself and working. i told him i was very happy and proud of him. I started working too and got my business back up and running. I decided to give him space for a couple weeks but he became more distant and ignored me despite my effort to keep the communication up. It’s been 2 months since I’ve moved out i haven’t seen him or talked to him on the phone since then. 2 weeks ago I messaged him good morning and he told me he was thinking and decided it wasn’t time for a relationship, that I deserved someone who can give their time to me. I replied spilling out everything I held in and all he said was that he didn’t mean we couldn’t stay friends. I thanked him for everything and for letting me meet his son. Did I do something wrong in the relationship should I have been more persistent or expressed my feelings more? Neither one of us have been in contact, I just want to know if I’m the first one to reach out should I apologize? This has been extremely confusing for me so I very much appreciate your help and time. Thank you.

  4. Melissa

    April 21, 2015 at 4:51 am

    Can NC still work even after a month of our break up? Meaning, I bugged him once or twice a week after our break up for a month and i have finally been able to do NC for the next 30 days. Would I still give him the chance to miss me or to be waiting for my call or text?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      I think you would still give him the chance to miss you for sure.

    2. Melissa

      April 21, 2015 at 4:52 am

      By the way, we were together for 4 years

  5. Heartbroken

    April 21, 2015 at 4:21 am

    Okay, so I met this guy that we fooled around a couple of times & had a lot of fun together but then he went to prison for 90 days…which is bad I know…I never talked to a guy in prison before I am rather naĂŻve about things but I am also a caring, trusting, & giving person especially for someone in need. We wrote letters all the time, I was his only visitor, I put money on his books, sent him cards on holidays, & did everything I could think of to make him happy…I was literally exhausted by the time of his release…anyways…he made a lot of promises to me & said, we were going to take things slow when he got out…I have not seen him since his release about 2 months ago now…I only got a couple of text messages from him “don’t be mad”…he wished me a “Happy Birthday” on Facebook…little stupid stuff but he has hurt me so bad…he won’t respond to any of my texts…I finally decided to do the “NC rule” 2 weeks ago & I deleted him & all his associates off of Facebook…he was posting some rather hurtful posts that had no regard for my feelings & I have been in tears everyday…do u think I still have a chance of him contacting me? Or do u think this guy just flat out used me & doesn’t care? I am very confused by the whole situation…especially, how kind I was to him at his need.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      I think so…

      What hurtful things was he posting exactly?

  6. Lisa

    April 20, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    We have been married for 14 years, he moved out in November. In January I began the 30 days of no contact. He started emailing then coming over 2 or 3 times per week. Everything was going well until I started pushing to know what his feelings were and why he was coming over. He told me several times he still loved me but just wanted to be friends for now. I told him then he would have to stop coming over (I regret it!) he told me I was pushing him. I went out of town on a business trip for a week. When I came home I called him and he was angry and reminded me that I told him not to come over any more and said he didn’t see us together 5 years down the road and that week went and signed the separation papers.
    What should I do now?

  7. Lady M

    April 20, 2015 at 12:34 am

    Hi Chris,

    What are my chances of getting him back if he went back to his ex fiancee? We were both on the rebound which lasted 4 months. We had our fair share of problems but overall, it was an exciting. Sadly, He said he never wants to speak to me again. Why are men like that?

  8. Caroline

    April 18, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Ps:
    Last year during our separation and this year.. he jumped right into match.com ! ( I have dated but quite frankly have zero interest . )

  9. Caroline

    April 18, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    this is our second breakup in our two year relationship ( we are in our 60’s !) so we both have been around the block many times !
    We typically agree on everything – are both calm and ‘mature’
    Last year when he got cold feet and blamed me for something out of the blue – and disappeared –
    I called once and emailed twice over 6 weeks – I went to see him and he saw how much I really love him – he had been lonely and missed me ( despite being on match.com!) We went to counseling and have been great this year .
    Again talking about eventfully moving in recently , he bolted again for a minor situation . A month ago
    I let a week go by – went to see him – and he said he loves me, he was sad and depressed but stubborn as could be saying he didn’t want to go forward .
    It’s now three weeks since that talk – a month since the initial out of the blue issue –
    In this case I don’t think I should ever contact him even after 30 days .. 60 days . He shot me down – he knows I love him incredibly – he knows how incredibly good we are … He needs to value us By the way . He has proposed a number of times !!
    (- It’s not easy at this age to find someone that you are compatible with so it’s not easy to just say to move along …. )
    He needs to come to the conclusion on his own that – that I am the One – what do you think ? I appreciate your thoughts !!

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      I love hearing from more experienced and mature women!

      Can you believe that a girl who was 11 was asking for my advice. I am much more into answering questions from women like you!

      You mentioned he proposed to you. Did you ever accept his proposal?

  10. Jules

    April 18, 2015 at 6:57 am

    Hi Chris

    I’m really enjoying your articles and find them super helpful. My ex and I were together a few months, bad timing throughout but we trucked on because we both wanted to be together, but due to some of his issues he’d sort of put us in limbo. I’m actually the one who suggested we take time to think about thing. He contacted me 10 days after and I replied, but I haven’t heard from him since and it’s been two weeks. I’m not sure what this means? Also, what sort of text should I send when I reach out (hey how’s it going seems a bit too general). Thanks!

    1. Julia

      April 28, 2015 at 5:53 am

      Funnily (well not funnily) I’ve landed in the hospital and figured I’d let him know (I’m on a business trip so not ideal). Bad move Or ok?

    2. Jules

      April 23, 2015 at 2:58 am

      Hi Chris

      No I suppose we haven’t. It’s all fairly open ended at the minute so I guess its just hanging…especially since he hasn’t replied. I don’t really know how to reach out or if I should. If I leave it another week it will have been four weeks. Honestly it’s a bit weird he hasn’t replied after he reached out in such a short span.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Glad you are enjoying them.

      I worked hard on them.

      So, the two of you haven’t had the official breakup talk yet?

  11. SMJR

    April 16, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    Long story short ex split with me 2weeks ago. After replying to the breakup text I’ve initiated NC and am at 11days. We were together 5-6months. Everything was amazing at start but due to redundancy fears he slipped into a funk ( his own words). He’s a single father looks after child every week thurs-mon morning and travels from his city to mine for work leaving only mon-weds free and not getting back til 7ish each night. At start I was supportive sending the odd text as it looked like he had fallen into depression. I didn’t imagine this – He mentioned days off in bed due to lost mojo, everything being s**** at work as well as child being ill no sleep etc. typical isolation and distancing.Eventually when I said I was getting sad and stressed at the situation I got a sad reply of sorry and he never meant to make me feel like that. We both admitted to missing each other but he didn’t know what to say to make the situation better/bearable. He said he had made some personal baby steps but nothing major. We hadn’t seen each other for two months at this point. Anyway things picked up and seemed to be back on track he was his old self. We took a day off to spend and worked it around his child. It was great but the next day he wasn’t himself and complained of aches and pains like flu. I never caught this and neither did his work colleague our mutual friend who noticed he was down at work so am assuming physical manifestations of depression. Anyway a few days later I get the breakup text…he really likes me I’m amazing but doesn’t see a future for us but yet doesn’t know why… He wanted to be friends but I said no but didn’t delete him off Facebook. Is there any point of trying to regain contact after the 30days if depression is the cause of seeing no future? I replied say I deserved and expected more and he obv had issues to sort, I tried to see him through a difficult time others would have bailed but I was decent. Before saying I didn’t see how friends would work and good luck. I miss him dearly and he has no family or friends up here as from another part of country and moved with the now ex and can’t move due to child. I just don’t know what to do…advice would be great.

    1. SMJR

      April 21, 2015 at 9:35 am

      I’m at 16 days NC and still finding it very tough to get my head around the whole not having a reason for seeing no future although could be to do with depressive mood. So it doesn’t really come under the common causes of breakup so not sure where I stand on the chance chart? Funnily enough before reading your Facebook article I had put a pic of a new summer hair do(so up close of face) on Facebook. We are still friends on it so would assume he saw it, it received ALOT of likes from both sexes so boosted me abit. As you mentioned I should carry on with NC, I’m not sure if he’s stubborn or whether his mind is clouded with depression…or both. As the situation us a little diff do I reach out after 30+ days or continue with NC. Apart from the possible depression and his issues nothing else was wrong no arguments etc. I was kind patient and understanding. Advice again greatly appreciated.

    2. Chris Seiter

      April 16, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      Yes, I think there is still a point to doing NC.

  12. Lisa

    April 16, 2015 at 2:35 am

    I`ve been seeing a guy for 8 months. He`s 30 and 6 years younger than me, and has a history of violent breakup 3 years ago. We work in the same building. We had a lot in common and I was immediately attracted to him (for the first time in a very long time). We became intimate quickly, our relationship was mostly centered around sex and saw each other about once a week. He gave me mixed signals but never introduced me to his friends/family. I fell for him very fast and did nothing but showed my love and affection, although I struggled with his casual attitude. I finally asked him about us 2 months ago. He said that he was not looking for a serious relationship but cared about me and would continue friendship and sex. I was devastated, cried for a week and broke it off, but texted him in a few days that I wanted to see him. He came over and we ended up in bed. I saw him twice afterwards naively hoping that things would magically change. No major changes in communication or attitude other than a pearl necklace that he brought me from his vacation (mixed signals?). I also told him that he`s putting up walls because he`s afraid that he`ll get hurt again, and he agreed. Due to my increasing frustration and feeling that I was losing myself and my integrity sleeping with someone who did not see a future with me, when I was travelling and he suggested via text that he`d see me if his call was quiet (ie in the middle of the night) or a few days after my return because he had some friends visiting, I told him not to bother and never answered his “?”. I sent him a closure email a week later in which I said that we clearly want different things and I can`t accept what he`s willing to give, and my feelings were genuine and I`m disappointed that he wishes not to reciprocate, and wishing him all the best. It`s been 2 weeks, he never responded. I`m agonizing over how this happened to me, feeling sad and heartbroken that I was played. I go back and forth from being angry at him to missing him. I am trying to move on telling myself that I deserve better and he is not right for me, but perhaps I should have given him more time, wondering if he`s going to contact me or misses me or should I get in touch with him after 30 days? I know he thinks I`m mad and will not chase me. If he missed me and had an “epiphany” during this NC period, perhaps there is still hope if I initiate contact? I know how silly this might sound but I`d appreciate your thoughts.

    1. Lisa

      April 23, 2015 at 1:26 am

      I sure can. Thinking of the big picture, do you recommend that I follow suggestions in exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back? Thank you, Chris!!

    2. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      Of course I do!

    3. Lisa

      April 21, 2015 at 8:11 pm

      Chris, I do appreciate your reply! What would be that specific way, a text message? And what would I say? Thanks so much!

    4. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2015 at 12:11 am

      Imagine a text message so interesting that he would respond to it 100% of the time?

      Can you think of one?

    5. Lisa

      April 21, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Hi Chris – do you think I should contact him after 30 days or just wait for him to contact me (if ever)? Thanks.

    6. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      You contact after 30 days.

    7. Lisa

      April 21, 2015 at 3:41 am

      Hi Chris – do you think I should get in touch with him after 30 days or wait to see if he contacts me? Thanks.

    8. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2015 at 5:44 pm

      I recommend gettin gin touch after 30 days but in a very specific way.

  13. Mari

    April 11, 2015 at 5:50 am

    Greeting Mr. chris

    Before few days i had a big fight with my husband.. Because he blocked me (calling) and i never been able to call him.. He calls me when he want to… He went to bussiness trip

    After that i get really mad with his attitude so i went to his work and ask him to talk with me.. He ignored me and said don’t imparessed us in front of his friends… He ask me to go home but i refused and ask him again to come and talk to me… He get really mad and said he will kill me if i didn’t go back.. Again i asked him to talk to me… Then he said it’s over and we get divorced… Now he blocked me every where..

    Please i need your help… I don’t know he act like this.. Everything was fine between us

  14. Lisa

    April 10, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    First of all I am begging you please respond lol every time I write about my situation on a forum no one seems to respond and I am desperate for a response from someone other that family or friends!

    Long story short as I’ve written about this too many times – my boyfriend left me two months ago. My situation is very unique as he left me out of love. He is 23 I am 26 so he’s younger than me. We are both from Asian Muslim backgrounds. And in our culture/religion I am getting to the age where I need to be married soon or il be considered “old” our break up was horrible because he was so emotional he didn’t want to leave me but felt like he had to because he was scared that what if we break up for some stupid reason in a year or a couple of years time I am going to be even older and in my culture people will look at me in a bad light if I’m reaching my 30’s and I’m single where as he is still young he doesn’t have to worry about that just yet. He said he left me because he doesn’t want me to be in that situation and he’s scared he might mess up my future and doesn’t want to take that risk as he has had personal experiences within his family e.g. His sister is 32 now and some guy left her at the age of 27 after a 6 year relationship with her and now she’s finding it very difficult to find a husband. He loves me I know he does and I still love him very much. I thought it would get easier but it’s getting worse. I’m thinking about him more after two months than I was in the beginning. How do I get a man to stop being scared of the future? Especially with our culture? How do I show him it’s a risk worth taking? During the break up first few weeks I was constantly messaging him going to see him crying depressed a mess it began annoying him because I wasn’t showing him the strong independent girl he fell in love with and I think that pushed him further away.. He even said look at how your breakimg down now imagine we broke up in a year or a couple years time im scared your gonna get depressed. So after a few weeks I tried the NC rule and he messaged me after 9 days! Just hey how are you… I responded with a message explains I can’t be friends with him it’s gonna make it harder for me etc.. And I don’t want him messaging me and I wish him all the best etc… He came back and said he messaged coz he missed me a little but he understands and it won’t happen again..

    That upset me coz I started questioning whether I did the right thing. The following week. I went out got majorly drunk and ended up calling him a million times at 4am he didn’t answer , next day he messaged me saying sounds like you had a good night etc.. I went back and apologised and said I’m glad he didn’t pick up and we shouldn’t be talking and it won’t happen again. It’s been two weeks since that incident. I miss him like crazy!!! How do I make him commit to me? Why is he so scared of commiting just because a few things have happened to his family, why does he think he’s gonna mess this up so badly? He shouldn’t be living his life based on what ifs.. But I can’t keep begging him.. Can I start the NC rule from now even though we have been broken up for two months? Will it still work? How do I help him see he is a wonderful person and I know of he commits he won’t hurt me and if in the future he does hurt me we can deal with it then, how can I help him realise this isn’t somethinbhe should let go of just because he is scared of future problems..? Please help me!!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 16, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Sorry for the late response.

      (I am so far behind on everything I am just now seeing this.)

      You definitely can start the NC rule from now on.

      It can still be effective.

  15. Jessica

    April 6, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    My boyfriend and i broke up 6 days ago and i know it is not even close for the 30 day rule to end. We were dating for 6 months and our relationship was beautiful in the beginning. After awhile, we started to have problems because he would always ditch me for his friends and i told him how i didn’t like that so he changed. But after that, we constantly had problems, lack of effort, rudeness, not showing each other off, lack of affection, smoking weed when i told him to stop, and we wouldn’t talk as much anymore but i still loved him and he said he still loved me. Im not trying to blame him but it was mostly him that was breaking us apart. Yes, i became a nagging girlfriend by the end of our relationship and i didn’t like it because that was never who i intended to be but his actions made me that way. But from his actions i just felt like he was losing feelings because i was putting 100% effort and he was putting 50% in. And whenever i would talk to him about our problems, he would ignore me or put the problem all on me like if im the one that did something wrong. I would always have to say sorry for his mistakes as well and he could never admit when he was wrong. And this continued for a month straight until i was finally getting tired of it and broke up with him. Before we broke up, i tried talking to him about it so we wouldn’t have to break up but he kept putting me on hold and smoked and said, he didn’t want to talk about it high which made me angry. So i cut it off even though i didn’t want to. I told him what i had to say and goodbye. I expected him to beg for me but he didn’t. The next morning he texted if i needed a ride to school and i said no thank you but only because i was still mad. And that had me confused because he didn’t answer me back after. I miss him but ive been trying to not contact him. Ive been wanting for him to contact me but nothing.

  16. Lauren

    April 6, 2015 at 7:53 pm

    We’ve broken up before and gotten back together, BUT, this time seems different… It might just genuinely be time to move on. Were so used to the cycle of getting back together and now, it’s been 10 days of pure silence. It’s throwing me off. I think it’s really over because maybe we finally realized we don’t work? I don’t know and I’m not going to ask. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago. It’s not that I regret it but it bothers me that he can act so “cool” with it… I think he’s never going to come back. I have a class with him in college… He’s very prideful…. School is over in a month. Should I just move on? Or do I have any advantage?

  17. Confused girl

    April 6, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    Hi!

    Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship that lasted 4 months. After his ex girlfriend contacted him, he broke up with me, because he didn´t feel ready for something new. He is sure he is over her after their break up (2 years ago), and he will never get back together with her, since she was unfaithful to him after they´ve been together for 4 years.
    I was heartbroken when he broke up with me, because I had and still have deep feelings for him. However, I didn´t make any drama about the break up and we decided to be friends, because we both didn´t want to lose touch. We had a NC period for about 3 weeks. After this period we started flirting again and were about to get back together, right until I asked him how he was seeing things going between us. He told me that he just wants to be friends, because he is not ready for something new, once again. I am now aware of what a big mistake I made to ask him that question, because we haven´t flirted since I asked. We are now in daily contact with each other, only as friends. This hurts inside me every single day. I still want him back, but he is a self conscious, stubborn and pride man, who has a hard time with changing his mind with his decisions. A couple of days ago, I therefor decided to tell him what a great man I think he is, and I care about him, but I need few days to think for myself about what is suitable for me, and I hope we don´t lose touch (I wanted to make him realize that I can´t stay friends with him like this, and was hoping it could make him reconsider his choice). He respected it and told me to take the time I need, but somehow our conversation didn´t stop there and we have been in contact every day since the conversation; he is texting and I am responding. We were actually flirting a little in 2 days after I told him that I need time to think, but the flirt didn´t last (we haven´t flirted for 3 days now).

    I am so confused about him. I have know idea what to do to get him back, because it seems like a part of him wants me, but he is too pride to acknowledge it. Sometimes he has joked about other guys showing interest in me, because they like my appearance, but I think it is a way for him to show that he is a man that sticks with his decisions.
    Due to his stubbornness, I am convinced that he will let me go for good if I walk away; he will not track me. I could really use some help and guide for what to do, because we have an amazing time together and I have strong feelings for him. I don´t want to give it up, and somehow I think he doesn´t want that too. How can we overcome his stubbornness?

    Thanks for your help!

  18. belle

    April 5, 2015 at 5:02 am

    My boyfriend and I had gone no contact for almost a week now. We have been breaking up for several times already but still end up getting back with each other. For the last two years of our relationship he was the one who always initiates contact which lasts for only four days, but now he doesn’t seem to worry at all. I know it was my fault but if I contact him first I would look pathetic. We’ve been thinking breaking up for a long time now but sometimes change our mind completely. Im confused if he still wants me. Pls help. P.S. we already have a son.

  19. Dora

    April 3, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    hi Chris.. me and my ex used to date for 3 month full of love and attendance he was totally into me ‎and loved me so much that even his friends and families told me so. he even was thinking about ‎our future together and even when i told him that its hard he convinced me to do it and make this ‎work. i made mistake i told him i will choose my goal against him in his face and i think it was too ‎hard for him to hear that from me. he broke up with me and told me that there is no future for us ‎and even now that he is leaving he still loves me. after that he contacted me every now and then ‎for checking how I’m doing. i made my biggest mistake i offered getting back together and showed ‎him a little neediness and he refused and had listed lots of excuses that i know none of them are ‎true and he told me that he will help me to forget him completely. then after i started nc but he ‎hadn’t called me yet. he was a type of person whom always his past girlfriends were begging to ‎him and even had started their relationship. i dont know what should i do becoz i will see him in our ‎class before end of nc. i don’t know if i should miss this class‏?‏‎ i really want him back…‎it’s about 2 month from our breakup

    1. Dora

      April 14, 2015 at 7:19 pm

      chris u didn’t answered to me… i have seen him in the class and a few of normal but not direct conversations… and then 2 days after the end of my NC i msged him and i figured it out that his phone is off and it did’nt delivered. today i msged him again on his viber… he had seen it and became offline and still no risponce. what should i do now? it’s better to just forget about him, don’t u think so?

  20. Nikki

    April 1, 2015 at 11:12 am

    What if you bump into him during NC due to having mutual friends?

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