What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

aisling

July 17, 2015 at 2:43 pm

Hello Chris
My male of 2 years broke up with me 3 days ago, saying we were platonic and I was like a sister to him. At 11 am yesterday I started NC. He texted me at 1am asking had I watched the finale of a game show we watched together. I got super excited as naturally I over analysed but I haven’t ‘read’ his message technically, because it shows up if you have. Anyway the game show was at 11pm, if he actually wondered about that he’d text then right? This has given me a lot of confidence! Ive realised in the last few days I can live without him but I don’t want to. That’s good I’m sure. I’m very pleased, he hasn’t texted since but I’m sure he will over the next week. Were LDR, I’d just like your input. Thank you!
Veronica

July 13, 2015 at 9:37 am

Hey chris. I ws in a relationship with a boy since 7 years. I am 21 right now. And he is 25. It ws goin really well. And we loved each other a lot. Due to some family reasons we were not in contact in the 5th year. I met a guy and i was involved with him. Thinking my 1st man to be my past. This 2nd didnt love me and was very abussive. We had physical relationships too. After doing the mistake of being in a relationship with him. I just wanted to breakup a he was not good at all. And after few days i tried to contact my 1st man whom i still loved a lottttt. When the 2nd man traced my no. And came to know this. He cntctd my 1st man and told him everything with proofs. My 1st man is badly hurt. We were planning to marry each other. And he is not taking me back now. Not even listening to Any of my explanation. I am in a great guilt of what i had done. But my love for him is pure. I want him back. He is not trying to understand me. I was just kid of trapped with the 2nd man who not even knew how to respct girls. He used to blackmail me for doing my personal pictures viral. I ws frustrated. I need my lovely 1st man back. I want him to understand what my situation was and his. He says he still loves me but cant take me back. Pls help chris. Pls
Jordan

July 5, 2015 at 11:47 am

Hello Chris! My ex and I have been on and off for 5 years, 2 and a half in which we were dating. Yesterday Would have been our 5th 4th of July together and our anniversary. I was wondering is it possible/ has NC Worked for women who have done it on men who claim to want to go their separate ways for good? For men who truly do not want to hear from their ex? Has it spun their decision around for any women? My ex dumped me about a month ago and I’ve begged every day since and told him I swore I’d change and we’d be better than ever. He left refusing to even talk about what cause the break up and at first said he needed time but I kind of blew up his phone and didn’t give him the space he needed. I’m sure I annoyed and pissed him off more because he went from needing time to wanting to go our separate ways “for the best” because he was mentally and physically exhausted with me., I started NC three days ago and I’m just wondering because he’s been ignoring me begging and had blocked me from Instagram, Facebook, idk about my number however. He didn’t block me from email. He is also adding and liking any pictures girls post.. He’ll go out of his way to like a girls picture she posted 8 weeks ago.. Any girls he follows that he sees had a boyfriend he will unfollow. He jumped right to liking any single girls photos. He’s done this before. I’m terrified he will start seeing/talking to someone else during NC and will forget about me.
Rita

July 1, 2015 at 12:24 am

Hi Chris:
My situation might be different (but I bet not). I broke up with my BF of 2.5 years about 6 weeks ago; not because I didn’t love him, but because he is 37 (I’m 36) and he still goes out and parties approximately 2x a week (especially when he is mad at me, when coping with our arguments and fights, and he said he couldn’t breathe in the relationship, and he’s right. I was going through a really rough time during our relationship with my career loss and lack of direction in my career, and the stress was too much for him to handle me). I don’t know whether he has a drinking problem (he admitted he has a control issue with alcohol but doesn’t want to seek help; he has before but obviously it didn’t help) that’s very serious but through our relationship issues, he has been very disrespectful to me when I have cried to him (he has cursed me out), when I have approached him wrong (he doesn’t give me the benefit of the doubt but gets mad and either shuts down, escalates our fight, or leaves and ruins our plans for that night or tells me he doesn’t want to hang out together [we lived together]), or just approached him to let him know that I would like to spend more time together bonding more and talking more (he gets really angry at this).
The night we broke up I wanted to talk to him about an issue I was having. He knew I was upset. I had called him a couple times and gave him a couple texts, but he text me saying that after something he had to do, he was staying out at the bar (literally across the street from our house where I was texting him from) for another hour and then he would come home. We were texting and I text him that I couldn’t take it anymore (I just didn’t feel comfortable talking to him because I felt like he never cared or listened or respected my feelings) and that I was going to leave the relationship; that yet again he chose his drinking and party life over me. His text basically said that he would be home when he wanted to that night because he was mad at me for breaking up with him over text (we have a history of discussing our relationship more over text than in face bc he doesn’t feel comfortable talking face to face) and that he was ok with hvaing failed at this relationship. We went back and forth a few times explaining ourselves to no avail.
The next morning I said “good morning” to him and he replied “good luck packing” as he left for work. That was Tuesday. Saturday morning I left, and during the entire week, i went up to him to get to talk to me; he said he had nothing to say to me. Saturday morning I knocked on his door a few times. I asked him if he wanted to talk. He said no several times. I left saying “I still love you. I didn’t want to leave, but you kept picking going out and partying over us and you told me you weren’t going to do that anymore.” He didn’t respond. i left. After I left his text messages started pouring in, from “thanks a lot. you suck, to “I didn’t want you to leave. I’ll talk later if that’s what you want. You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me. I regret that I didn’t show you that. I feel like I lost everything when you left, to, I”m going to sleep with someone way hotter than you. I already have two girls lined up who want to sleep with me. i hate you. you’re this and that, and he cursed me out, and he talked negatively about everything from me having no career to my parents having nothing to everything possibly horrible a guy can say to a woman to make her feel like crap about herself. Needless to say, his texts and emails and drunk messages and calls were having such a negative impact on me that i blocked his texts and emails. Two days later I sent him a long email detailing why I left him, that I loved him, and that I would love to try after a year, but that for now, he needed therapy and we both needed time to heal. He obviously wrote back so many things saying he never wants to talk to me. We never should have dated. He was a fool to love me. I havent’ contacted him since then: May 18th. June 18th he called me Thu night, around midnight, probably drunk, so I didn’t respond. I was afraid he would curse me out and that he was drunk. I don’t feel safe around him like that. He left me some mean texts.

My question is, for this type of guy, is there no hope unless he gets therapy? I don’t know if NC would even be the answer or if he needs to get therapy, and he is so stubborn (he is also a Taurus but an angry, rageaholic, alcoholic type I think, at least with coping in our relationship) and mean when he is angry I wonder if I should even ever go back to him. I love him, or rather, loved him, but i still really care about him and his heart. I just don’t want to be subject to any more abuse or rude comments from him anymore. I also worry about his health and his drinking/partying habits, even though throughout our relationship, he was the one who said he loved me first, wanted me to move in; we were always talking about marriage, our lives together, fixing our issues together, that he had found The One in me, we met each other’s parents….we both have serious issues we should probably work on, but I think I did work on my issues (I went to therapy, and we both even went through couples counseling but that didnt help) but I dont think he dealt with issues well in the end. I dont know if he was falling out of love in the end, or he just doesn’t know what he wants, or what? I wonder, if he didn’t stop me from leaving, and if he is so rude, then maybe he never loved me? Or does he actually have serious issues that he will have to work on before being able to enter into any healthy relationship.

I would really appreciate your input as it has been 6 weeks that I have not talked and I am seriously growing irritated, depressed, sad and just clueless as to how he feels for me. I don’t even know if he will contact me anymore after Jun 18th. He gave me nasty texts and that has been the last contact I hve had from him. I also don’t want to contact him right now because Im still emotional and I really just feel the only healthy step for us would be for him to get help for himself first, but I don’t know what he thinks, or what I should do, or if I should just move on totally.

Please respond! Thank you
Rita
Shantae

June 20, 2015 at 8:21 pm

What a data of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious knowledge
on the topic of unexpected emotions.
Alice

June 20, 2015 at 5:50 pm

So my bf of 3 months has been pulling away for almost a month – about 3 1/2 weeks. I finally decided I did not like to be treated that way (lots of red flags in the relationship) and just deleted him from FB last night and started the no contact this past Wednesday. My question is when you get to the 30 days and try to initiate contact, how/what are you supposed to say?

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:34 pm

You need to take a look at a few of the first contact text messages I talk about throughout this site.

Audrey

June 17, 2015 at 3:29 am

Hey Chris, this guide was actually very insightful and you’re incredibly smart, unlike me, you see I’ve never really been in a real relationship before in fact I just had my first kiss this year, I’m 18 and I was just recently broken up with my boyfriend via text message and he was very hurtful with it which shocked me because he made me feel stupid and I’m not a stupid girl, inexperienced yes, but stupid nonetheless, but it was all because I tried to explain to him that I don’t want to lose my virginity to a boy, he’s my age I wanted him to man up and actually want some of his life because it seemed like he didn’t, he wants so many things but puts in no initiative and all I wanted was the best for him but midway through me trying to explain that to him he got offended and then zoomed me out which then infuriated me so I felt and an hour later broken up with very cruelly over text message and now I’m hear on what I suppose what be day 3 of the NC period feeling hurt and unconfident, trying to plan things and do whatever possible to get over it but can’t help shake the feeling of everything being a lie, and not knowing if he really “loved me” and of course being a young woman and also having this being my first break up, wanting to know if he feels anything because I would love it if he feels the way I do if not maybe worse? Can you help me? Please?
Anna

June 16, 2015 at 5:49 pm

Hi Chris,

Are you intentionally leaving out a third reason: that he might just not want to talk or contact at all? My ex-bf broke up with me with a classic “it’s not you it’s me” move and likely doesn’t care what I am doing. I am in NC (just a few more days to go), but am not even sure if I want to text. He told me he might be moving because of his job and that he didn’t want to get closer to me because things would probably have to end – even though I am “right for him in many ways.” I know why he broke it off primarily though; it’s because I became an insecure GNAT. I am not wholly confident that I can change that behavior during the possible recovery period. My friends all tell me that I need to just move on because he was pretty clear in his communication that things were over. What are your thoughts?
Rosanna

June 10, 2015 at 5:36 pm

Chris, I think I need your help with my situation.
I’ve been using NC for 12 days now and doing great, staying busy, socializing, etc. Haven’t contacted him in any way, shape or form during this period. However my mom, who’s also really close with my ex since I still live with her thus she was our chaperon most of the time during our 8 month relationship and became one of his confidants, has talked to him briefly on a few occasions. He’s been avoiding and ignoring me completely yet claims to his best friend, who’s also a friend of my mom’s, that this is only because he doesn’t want to hurt or make the breakup any harder for me, even though I keep acting strong, looking my best, laughing with friend etc. whenever we would be in the same room, which has happened twice so far since we both go to the same meeting every Tuesday, though we never even made eye-contact during either one of these meetings.

However, he’s usually really honest with this friend of his.
This is scaring me a little. Does it mean that the no contact on my part is simply not working and never will?
And do you think it would make a difference if my mother stopped responding to his messages, checking in on us, altogehter?
Or should I really go all the way and start attending these meetings elsewhere for the time being?

Thanks in advance
Merna

June 10, 2015 at 10:15 am

I would like to share my story same time wanna know your opinion about it …
I met this guy online ..he was simple easy going and honest about anything i ask him about …we chatted first time for about 4 hrs ..next day we talked on skype for about 7 hrs !!!! third day we chat as well then out of the bloom he deleted me on skype!!!..I was shocked and couldnt figure it out why would he do sth like that while we were amazing..I wrote him back a msg in sky and tried to add him again but i get no response ..i was sad and almost crazy wanted to know one thing ..WHY??? ..two weeks later i find his profile on facebook and i sent him a msg telling him that what he has done really upsets me but all what i wanted to know is why….surprised by his answer that nth is related to me and i was the sweetes person he ever met but his life is getting ups and down and he cant start sth serious at the moments and once i asked him what is it and tell me so i can help you he refused and once i insisted he went silent and never reply back to me …one month later i saw him at the same chatting site that we met he tried to contact me but at the beginning i ignored him then he told me how much he misses me and so on..i asked him if he truly missed me he will contact me at facebook as he already knew my profile there but he gave no answer ..next day he send me a msg on fb and we started to chat there but i couldn’t move on easily befor i knew what were his reasons he asked for my phone number so he can explain things better than writing …and he called me and told me that he has a financial issues and he is working from home through an online job and that wont be enough to start sth serious with a girl as she wont feel secure or proud about him ….i told him that we can fix things were i will help him to find a decent job and so on …he was like ok as long as am accepting his situation and will help him and since that day he started to look after a real job and he used to call me every day and telling me about his life ..his past present and future ..he even told his mom and family about me as he is being serious about us …he told me that he loves me and i am the best thing that ever happened to him since 8 years ….etc ….any way things were just wonderful but somereason i couldnt tell him back that i love him but he knew that i like him very much and when the right time i will tell him or sure ..we were like that for around three weeks then on friday I sent him a msg on fb ..he reply back but i felt that there is sth in his mind ..i asked him ..he assured me that every thing is ok …then i kept silent so nt to bother him and told my self tom. i will call him or he will call me as usual and i will figure it out …sat. came ..i sent him a gd morning msg on fb …he saw it but didnt reply …..i waited for couples of hrs ..then i write him back that i hope things are ok at his side …he saw it and didn’t reply ….sunday came he was online playing games and wrote nth and no calling even ..i thought maybe he is going through a “pulling away” stage were he will need some space coz recently we were soooo attached and i believe that men from time to time will need to pull away to get some space then by them selves they will come back ..monday came also i didnt hear from him and i saw him online were he checked my latest msg again buut write nth …monday night i open my fb and open our msg and find out that he blocked me!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOl isnt it …out of the sudden and again he blocked me!!! …I kept silent I did nth and i am like this since 10 days already …so what do you think chris about this ? if we wanna assume that he was player and he lied about being loving me and so on ..but why on earth he was telling the truth about his family and he even used his sis phone and his mother phone to call me ??…what should i do ??? am ok by the way ….i have no expectations at all… but i keep wondering …does he misses me ..will he contact me …will he come back…will he regret what he had done..etc
Sarah

June 9, 2015 at 5:48 am

Hi chris he hasnt contacted me during a month of nc and even when i text him i cant keep the conversation going because he always ends it by not responding after we send each other 2-3 texts (but when he responds its quite friendly though) i have initiated every conversation once every 3-4days so far and he never initiates it. Do you think i should keep trying??
Colleen

June 5, 2015 at 12:23 am

Hi Chris.
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few years now. But first we friends for a few years before it became physical. We met when our daughters were in high school and they became best friends. He was seeing someone then. She cheated on him… Like his wife did. The next girlfriend wanted him to move to another state because she got a promotion. However, his job was literally around the corner from his house and he didnt want to take the kids (he got custody of them)(they are adults now) out of the schools they were in. She called him at work, he didnt wish to talk about it then. She got mad and moved. After awhile he came after me. It took him awhile to get me. I kept saying no, inside was saying Yes yes yes.!!!!! By the way… Everything always a sexual overtone. But we also talked as friends and just hung out doing nothing. I havent seen him since February when his Dad passed. But was in contact with him. Talking, texting, sending headless pictures. The usual stuff. I asked him if he would drive me to the airport last week I was going to North Carolina to visit my daughter and son in law.
Iasked him as we were pulling into the airport if he was seeing someone. Dating was the answer. So I told him no more pictures if he was seeing someone. I dont mess with other peoples relationships. When he was helping me with my bags he said just dating and leave it at that. It was a clarification not a mean(?)statement. Then he asked if I would like him to pick me up when I came back. I said yes. He has my car, well his daughter is driving it. Anyway now he’s not picking me because he has a cookout Saturday and his daughter will pick me up… Is that ok? I said it will have to be and have a nice day. I wanted to ask him how long he was going to let things go the way they going without telling me. I wanted a face to face. Then start the NC. But it looks like I can start now. The thing is I would go a month or two without talking to him before the relationship became physical and he would call or stop by wondering why I havent called. There is no sour aftertaste in this relationship. Other than what I found out. We always had fun. Good sex. Really good converstations. Met his friends and family… Important people in his life and showed his vunerable side. I wouldnt do what those other women did to him. Thats it in a nutshell.

Colleen

July 10, 2015 at 2:48 pm

Update: Hi Chris. I broke my silence on day 22. That was three weeks ago. I woke up 6:30am to the most glorious morning. Took the dog out, came back opened all the windows and doors. This feeling from deep down and I deep inside said tell him. “Hello and Goodmorning! It’s an absolutely beautiful day out!” I sent. About 15 minutes later “Hi, and yes it is”
Then I asked if he had seen the weird storm clouds a couple of days ago and how I remembered he use to call me or point weird clouds if we were together. No answer but he was a work so I let it go. By 2:30 am the next morning I composed this. I tried not talking to you for 30 days. Almost made it. But on the 22 day, Thursday morning I took Thalia out, cam back in, opened all doors and windows and had an overwhelming feeling to text you. It was so beautiful out. It was a feeling I could not ignore. Now here I am 2:30 Friday morning wondering…. What am I doing? This man is dating….. And talking and texting me like he wasn’t. Letting me send puctures and not saying a word. I should’ve know when you kept saying”We’ll get together soon I promise” and never happened. This man said he would let me know if he was seeing someone else, when I asked three years ago if he was. “I dont’t have time to see you… Let alone someone else” was what he told me. ( sidebar, he played in 3 softball leagues and worked 2 jobs)
He wondered if we got together and something happened would we still be friends after. He thought we would. You are going to have to work hard for that friendship, because I trusted you. I told you how I felt. I never pushed it because you would say” everybody loves or wants to be with me”. I know that wasn’t conceit on your part. You were trying to lighten things up. But still it hurt. So I didn’t say anything. Didn’t wish to rock the boat. And now you’re with someone else and I’m at a loss. I sat on this for a whole day before I sent this and I made sure he wasn’t at work when I did. I dont know if I’ll ever hear from him again. We live in same town. This really hurts. I’m so mad and hurt but I miss him. Sorry this is long. Thankyou
Colleen

June 13, 2015 at 3:38 am

Hi. I posted this 9(?) days ago. And it is still awaiting moderation. I am new to doing this so I am not sure of the procedure. Thankyou.

Sandy

June 2, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Hi Chris, funny thing happened…
I followed all the steps…BEFORE I even knew of you and read your articles! Let me start from the beginning (in short):
We dated for over a year. He left his GF of 10 years for me. Things were amazing, plans to get a place and legalize the relationship (you know, the usual). Suddenly, he became stressed with work and his father’s health issues, started getting distant and after 3 weeks broke up saying he wanted to concentrate on his career and being in a relationship required time and effort and it stressed him out. Speaking of a shock ha! I, obviously, was tearful and upset but I respected his wish and said that if this was what he wanted then so be it. He asked to stay friends, I declined and wished him all the best. two days later it was his birthday so I texted him birthday wishes. He thanked for them, that’s all. Few days later it was my birthday, he texted b-day wishes, I thanked and asked how was he. No response. So i began the NC phase. It lasted a month. Then I texted him according to your rules etc etc… fast forward to about a month later (during which I followed all the steps to the t) we arranged to meet up. Picked a place and a date, he only had to let me know what time were we meeting, beforehand. He never did. In the meantime I had a backup plan for that day, a date, so I wouldn’t stay in the house mopping in case he didn’t call withe the time. He did call, around 3pm on that day, I was already on a date (cafe) with someone else. I didn’t pick up. Texted him a week later asking what happened last weekend. He replied some bs, he was busy and didn’t notice the time blah blah. I asked if we’re still meeting, and…..this is where the story ends. He never replied. I texted him a week later saying it feels weird waiting for any reply. No response. Two weeks later I sent him a “good luck and goodbye text” as I didn’t want to wait around for the rest of my life lol. I never had any response since then. It was 9 months ago. So, I’m afraid…like all the situations in life, I guess we were an exception to the rule…. The plan didn’t work :/
Have I moved on? Yes, I have. Have I forgotten? Not in the slightest.
I’d be grateful for your analysis as to what went wrong.. Many thanks, Chris.

Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Well, you didn’t follow it absolutely perfectly.

I would have loved to have advised you along the way.

Gwen

May 28, 2015 at 4:30 pm

I have been following Chris’ posts for quite sometime now. Please ladies, do not take this the wrong way because I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN. I’m 46 years old, so I’ve had more than my share of heartbreak, but this last one, where I left my husband, to be with my best friend of 10 years, only to have him break my heart, was excruciating. I turned to these posts. I have been reading the posts and comments. I attempted no contact many times (and failed many times). I begged, pleaded, acted crazily and the whole 9 yards. I know that at times it feel like there is no going back, and perhaps there isn’t.

But, that is where I could see Chris getting frustrated. Only when I realized and fully accepted WHAT the no contact was truly about, did things start to make sense. Now I know some of you may SAY that you get it, and are doing what you are supposed to be doing, but I wonder how many of us are being truthful to ourselves and are just going through the motions because we see the carrot of getting our ex boyfriend dangling before us.

Fortunately Chris has been really generous and gives away most of his product for free in my opinion. For those of you that can not adhere to his advice, perhaps you should consider a more disciplined guide and get the E-book. I have not purchased it (yet) because thankfully through his pages and continually breaking NC, I realized that I needed some professional help. Turns out I have been clinically depressed for over a year and I did not even know it. This caused me to do many of the actions that I did. So I suggest that some of you, who can not get past the grieving process over a reasonable amount of time, should consider talking to a health care professional. It helped me immensely, they put me on a very low dose SSRI, and that “took the edge off” of my anxiety so that I could make rational decisions not driven by my emotions, depression or anxiety.

That being said, ONLY WHEN I BECAME WORKING ON MYSELF, did NC become effective. Do I have my ex boyfriend back right now? NO. Does he have more respect for me? PROBABLY.

You see, and I’m sure this is a common story with some, I pushed so hard that he asked several times that I not contact him. We tend to look at that request in a very self-absorbed way…. that he doesn’t really know what he wants, or that if we keep reiterating or apologizing or justifying our behavior, he will just see. What needs to happen is that he is asking you to be respectful of HIS time so he can heal, and believe it or not, sometimes HE is being the more mature person by having the clarity to see this and cut you off because he knows if you do not, we will still keep picking the scab. Pushing your own agenda and impressing it on somebody is simply you not respecting another person’s boundaries. I realized this, and the sooner you realize this outside perspective and how you are REALLY giving the other person what THEY need, instead of what you feel YOU need, that selfless act will give you a sense of worth and accomplishment right off the bat.

Getting back to me, I thought that telling him how I was suffering through depression and how heart-broken I was would illicit pity from him. What we need to realize is that more likely than not (even though they are not outwardly emotional), they are feeling the same thing that we are and throwing my pain on top of his and whatever other stresses he had going on in his life, is certainly not demonstrative of love.

Previously, it was so hard for me to do NC that I deleted all his information, wrote it down on a piece of paper and gave it to a friend and told them not to give it to me (just so you know how incredibly difficult it was for me to do it), but it didn’t matter because I was so obsessed with him and my agenda, I found a way to find a way to contact him eventually. Now I don’t need such tactics. My only thing I did this time around with NC is I would get up every morning and write the number of the day of NC with highlighter on a calendar. That action itself gave me a sense of accomplishment.

This time with NC I forced myself to eat better, exercise, meet out with a friend or treat myself to a dinner by myself once a week. And yes, I mean FORCED because sometimes I dreaded being around anybody but each day it got easier, and I was feeling and looking better.

So what happened with Mr. Stubborn “Don’t EVER contact my by ANY means EVER AGAIN” once I started doing NC the right way?:

• 1 day in NC and he PMs me on FB saying that he found a comment (one word “handsome”) on a mutual friend’s profile pic from 4 months ago. Obviously, he was looking for something and found it, or he was trying to find something to contact me about. Conversation ends and I start Day 1 of NC again.

• 3 days into NC I was driving around town doing errands and was on a main road on the way home to my house (we live only 5 mins. away from each other) and he called saying that I was driving by his house stalking him and reiterated to not contact him EVER or drive by his house. Which I was not, and it was almost comical but good that I could laugh about it, started NC on day 1 again

• Day 2 of no contact, I noticed that he had unblocked me on Facebook when I was going through my PMs. Thought that was odd but paid it no mind

• Day 4 of NC he texts me saying that he has heard that I have been talking “sh*t” about him amongst mutual friends. This is entirely untrue and I know as fact I have never talked unfavorable about him at any time to anybody because that is not my nature. I text him back this, and he then calls me and somewhat back peddles (but doesn’t apologize” and said that he should have checked his facts before approaching me.

• Day 1 starts again and now I am on Day 4. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

My point is prior to this, when I tried NC in the emotional state that I was in… and HE was in… he did NOT contact me at all. Believe me ladies, this man (who I knew as a friend for 10 years by the way) is VERY stubborn, abrupt, and I have seen in other relationships that when he is done he is DONE. So I was fairly surprised he has even contacted me like he has. But I see the reason behind it. His process is the need to demonize me so he can deal with his emotions. If he labels me the “psycho girlfriend” or the girl who was flirting behind his back, he can tell himself I wasn’t worth it and emotionally move on.

However, in giving him time and being non-reactive. I’m letting him do his own research and see that neither is true and it is just what he wants to tell himself to force himself to get over me. Once he realizes that, eventually, over time and see that I was honest and my biggest fault was that I was just going through a very bad time and acting out as a result, I feel that he may circle back around… but in the meantime… I’m not letting that be the foundation of my existence. I know you are all tired of the clichés people say “Time heals all wounds”, “If it were meant to be it will be”, “Focus on you”, etc. But they are true. The good thing is it will show you patience and strength you never knew you had if you follow through with this.

I will say that I defied the NC rule by not responding to him, but I know the frustration of somebody not validating your feelings so while I gave him what I needed, I was factual, to the point, and abrupt. At no time did I wander off topic and let him take me back to our past relationship, which in my mind is now dead and if we are to have anything, after a period of time, we need to look at each other with fresh eyes. In fact, I ended the conversation for the first time with simply “I have to go.” and he said “but…” and I repeated it and hung up. We can’t tell them we’ve changed, we must show it and the first is to respect their space as we would want as human beings.

I hope my experience brings one woman comfort out there, especially since i know how painful it all is.

Jacquline

July 23, 2015 at 1:46 pm

Thank You. Gwen. That was helpful.

Taylor

May 26, 2015 at 6:02 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m going through a really hard time right now with my boyfriend. We have been together for a while and we never fight. Sure we have our disagreements, but its nothing too major. We always have a great time together. The last time I saw him was a week ago. Once again we had a great time but the past week he has not texted me or got in any contact with me. I tried talking to him but it doesn’t work. He replys with 2 things and that’s all I get back. I pass his house all the time and he doesn’t seem to be busy. His truck is home but he just won’t talk to me. It has been a few days that I’ve sent him a text, and I still haven’t heard anything from him. What’s happening? I need your advice
piya

May 26, 2015 at 6:11 am

I and my ex brokeup 1yr relationship n then on my convincinghe agreed to give me a chance n stay back but he was never the same again. He started to pull bCk little by little. And eventually called it of after 1 month. He was showing off that he was the victim n looked pretty devastated but still maintained a poker face. I went on LC n we used to talk normally. But i could feel that he still feels for me n is finding it extremely difficult to let go, he never verbalised it to me but social networks were telling it aloud. Suddenly out of nowhere he bcm frnds with a girl he had hardly known her for 3 days n then in next 2 days he got into relationship with her. I confronted him at this point as all the reasons he had given at thet ime of breakup became invalid n i felt that he lied. I went on NC on that day. Observing him, n his new relationship it shows all the signs of a rebound. The girl resembles me a lot but is different in behaviour n qualities, he is putting it on my face, my once upon a time shy man is now involved in pda, they r all over social network publicising, with me he used to take things slowly as he had difficulty in trusting ppl in general due to bad past, but now the rebound is moving too extremely fast. The new girl hates me, stalks me n tries to compare everything about me n show off how better she is. She is pretending to be too good in order to be the object of his desire. She posses GIGS.. its been 3 months i have been in NC. He continues to ignore me. I have worked on myself n the qualities he liked in me. I have also analysed what were my mistakes that made him take a breakup decision in first place.. i really love him n deep down he loves me too. I want to contact him now, but i m really worried to how to do it as a rebound is involved n she is extremely possessive n will continue to put me down… he is stubborn, extremely emotional n sensitive n doesnt realise that he is in a rebound relationship… plz help me..
Jennifer

May 19, 2015 at 12:59 am

Hey Chris,

Firstly, thank you so much for taking your time to answer everyone, and I know you have a billion questions to answer – I hope you aren’t too overwhelmed! Thank you so much for reaching out to everyone. I’ll try to make it short and quick! So here goes my story:

My boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 months. The relationship was amazing, but problems started to arise. My older sister kept bugging me that he didn’t care enough for me – I truly loved him – but slowly those thoughts started taking over. We both had our faults; I was quite needy and expected a lot and he sometimes failed to text back or simply even walk me to the bus stop to take me home. He used to do many gentleman-like things in the beginnings of our relationship, but that slowly lessened as time went on (I know it’s natural – but I was upset that he couldn’t do even the simplest things like walking me to the bus stop). We did love each other, we both can’t deny – but in the midst, we lost each who we were. We lost the qualities that made us each different individuals, and what attracted us to each other in the first place. I might’ve been a bit silly doing this, but I begged him to give us another chance, but he refused. It broke my heart knowing that we broke up, but I was also super worried about him – I, and he admitted himself, knew he’s an over thinker. We did argue over text – and in person, of course – and we were both pretty angry. But a few weeks later, I tried talking to him and suggested that we just be friends – but he told me ” Like I said a million times, I need space (he did tell me a few times previously that he needed space). My last comment to him was “I’m glad we came to this” – so I finally decided to start the NC phase. I had tried to do NC right after the breakup- twice- but that failed. I do see him in school sometimes and try to avoid him (we have a few classes together, but I made no attempted to look at him in any way! yay). Today is going to be day 29 of NC and he hasn’t contacted me at all. He told me many times that he needed space, but I feel like if I talk to him, he’s going to think that I’m very bothersome. Not to be creepy, but since he is still my Facebook friend – and it showed up on my newsfeed – today, I saw that he liked an article called “I’m a guy who stopped dating because I found the best next thing” and I was seriously considering giving up everything. I don’t know what to do; should I contact him in two days or give it even more time? I don’t want him to think that I’m super bothersome again. Thank you so much for your time 🙂

Jennifer

May 26, 2015 at 3:30 am

Update: So I’ve decided to extend this to 45 days of NC because it seems more appropriate in my situation >.< – do you think that's a good idea? Also, this happened – he unfriended me on Facebook today, but is still friends with my sisters… what could this possibly mean? Does this mean he's seriously cutting me out of his life for good, or does this mean he's going through some serious internal conflict? I just found it confusing about the timing for everything – how he waited this long to unfriend me, and I might even feel like I should go beyond 45 days of NC. Ahhh any thoughts?

Lee

May 15, 2015 at 1:37 pm

Hi Chris,

After reading your forum about what to do if your ex boyfriend doesn’t contact you during the 30 day NC period.. I’m still left with one question, is everything you’ve said I.E the explanation behind the NC and if your ex doesn’t get back to you whilst implementing the method laid out still the same if it’s my girlfriend doing this instead? Me and my girlfriend were together for 7 months but as of last week she broke things off with me, the day after the break I initiated NC but I have since not heard anything from her in a response at all, I’m now day 9 into the NC does the same principles of what my girlfriends doing by not getting in touch with me stay the same if it was a guy doing it to a girl or is it different?!

Your help would be appreciated

Thank you

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:37 pm

Forum?

No this is a website not a forum haha.

Have you read my other site called Ex Girlfriend Recovery?

SMJR

May 13, 2015 at 9:46 am

Hi Chris,
I’m at 38days NC and not heard a peep. We’re still Facebook friends, I’ve been posting a lot less but tagged a lot more by male/female friends. Plus changed my profile pic. What do I do next? Unfortunately I’m pretty stubborn too. He’s always online so pretty sure he’ll check my page, is it possible he sees I appear to be doing fine so doesn’t see need to get in touch and see how I am?
Nana

May 9, 2015 at 9:49 pm

Hi chriss
Thank u for this great website 🙂
Im currently on NC (1 week). It’s a long distance relationship…
I caught him cheating and he tried his best to convience me he wasn’t cheating on me. I was full of anger and i said the ugliest words that can destroy a man’s pride.
Before i hung up i made it very clear that i dont want him anymore and i dont want to hear from him whatsoever.
Few hours later he called and i didnt answer i was sleeping that time… Does that mean that he cares? About his image or about my feelings?
do u think he would call again? Or he thinks now that he did what it takes to reach me and it’s my turn to call him…
I really dont know what to do he is so very stubborn and i just can’t take it anymore…
Thanks

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