What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

heartbroken

August 26, 2015 at 6:09 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 2 years and 3 months broke up with me over FaceTime one week ago because his feelings are fading. He said he doesn’t get the same excited ‘butterfly’ feelings around me anymore…so he cut off our relationship. I think the real reason he broke up with me is because we are both moving on to college. However, we are both staying close to home so distance is not a problem. He cracked under the pressure of being in a new environment and hearing how relationships do not work out in college. One of my guy friends texted him about the situation and my ex said he would not want to try the relationship again in the future and for right now he wants to give me some space because I “seemed mad and upset” about the breakup and not talking to me will make it easier for me to forget about him. I was completely blindsided by the breakup because earlier that week we recreated our first date and did a lot of fun, exciting things. Everything seemed completely fine and he was happy and saying he loved me. I don’t know what to do. I implemented the NCR and am currently on day 6. I know it is early in the process, but what are the chances of him coming back? Will NCR make him curious if he’s distracted by the new college environment? Can someone really go from talking to you every day for 2.5 years and being your best friend who made tons of memories together to an absolute stranger? I am struggling so hard with my feelings and not having him in my life. I feel a void and overall embarrassed that I did not see this coming. He gave me no reason to think we were going to break up and even referenced our future together and had plans for the next time we would hangout.

Please advise.
Katie

August 26, 2015 at 11:55 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me because of college starting. He broke up with me over FaceTime and said it has nothing to do with college but the fact that his feelings have been fading. (Specifically, he hasn’t had ‘butterfly’ feelings as much around me recently). He was sobbing when he broke up with me, and my other guy friend texted him to see how he was doing with the break up 6 days later and my ex said he was doing fine and would not want to try the relationship again and he wants to give me space to help make forgetting about him easier. Does this mean NC isn’t going to work because he is so closed minded? I am only on day 8. My ex and I had a great relationship and he ended it by telling me how much he “cares about me so much” but does not love me anymore. Exactly one week ago we recreated our first date and had a great time. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and he even referenced our future years down the line. I was blindsided by this breakup and am still in complete shock…Is there any chance we would get back together if he says his reason for breaking up with me is because his feelings faded?
Callista

August 26, 2015 at 3:40 am

You may not realize the age span you reach, but men and women don’t change that much after 35. So w/ so many comments I figured I would share. I met my special person years ago, we both shared a love for saving the world. We created Forums and co-monitored. He asked me on a cruise. But I am a single mom – soon his moody side came out as in either silent treatment or all out rage. Im no victim and can dole an insult back. We both have great humor. He is a wonderful and very funny man. During the first year a very crazy as in substance abusing mentally ill woman asked me of our status. Im private and stayed quiet. Well the day I initiated no contact the PM hit just home he got word his best friend was killed. The next day he wen’t public and dropped my full name. The Loon joined in and for 2 yrs they became co-monitors and I had warned him long before. I had 2 years of harassment, slander, being reported by her.He and I rekindled a nice friendship , which grew slowly. As she went full wack job online exploiting all his info, health etc, I saw him slowly get depressed. She dropped my name and info. This was until a month ago-then she dropped all my info and child’s. I wen’t No contact on him last week. Been there done that with a man whose real anger was at his ex. I meant business and do, I pulled him from skype, g plus told him if he calls Ill change my number and he’s not welcome here. My NC is to remove myself from a toxic scenario that I never should have been in. Mind you these people are 50 and 52. Ofcourse I miss him, I DO NOT miss the drama, rage, watching him take this. NC is a CHOICE of self respect. I won’t return in 1 week my life is already 150% better. So review the negatives before you answer that call, ppl split for a reason.
Valeriya

August 25, 2015 at 6:40 pm

Hi Chris,

I have a question that wouldn’t really require a podcast, but when my bf and I broke up he wanted to give me something that in his words “would be more than memory”. Weird, I know, how would you interpret this? ( I implemented NC after my response to that text- not that pretty- because I didn’t care to find out what he wanted to give and am in day 15)
Heartbroken...

August 25, 2015 at 6:09 pm

What about a guy who, when asked, “Do you still love me?” says “Not anymore”. . .
Does this no contact method work for guys who seem so determined that this relationship is not working for them?
Should I believe that he means this and that this whole process will not work?
What if he decides to go to the extremes during the no month contact and deletes you from any form of social media, etc. ?
After 30 days you contact him and what if by that time he has blocked your number in attempts to forget you because he is stubborn?

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 7:23 pm

It’s not 100% full proof but it is your best chance. What are your options here really? Begging him, seeing him all the time, contacting him often. Those will just annoy him. If he deletes you from social media he will still look at your profile pic etc. 88% of exes look at the social media profiles after a break up.

If he goes through all those lengths to get rid of you like blocking your number from texts, would you really want to be with him anyway. I think you can do better if he’s going to do all of that.

Curls

August 23, 2015 at 5:42 pm

Hi myself and BF are currently not together he finished it as he didnt know what he wanted we had a break for a week about a month ago and then after him saying he wanted us to be together we had a small bicker and disagreement and he said he didnt know what he wanted, i said that wasnt good enough. Right up to it and even on the day we spoke his actions towards me were as we are and he was saying how much of good weekend we had had over weekends and even spoke about us booking a holiday. The day he left i sent a few screen shots showing what i had said to him while he was there that his actions dont match his comments. Then i sent a mess three days after just saying im sorry for any of my actions in getting us there and it was nice one to just say id rather be thgh pain for us to be together etc i havent heard anything in 3 weeks so im in NC i havent called or text since that message. He is a very stubborn person indeed and i think it would continue past the 30 days so i wonder how i approach the opening message after the 30days ?? He still has my house keys and clothes here and some of mine there. But i just dont know how to open the reach in if i dont hear from him. I have looked after me during NC and realy looked at the relationship.

Curls

August 28, 2015 at 10:48 am

Any help would be greatful trying to work out if my contact after NC should be an insight one or one to say your stuff is here ???

Ari

August 23, 2015 at 1:02 pm

Hey Chris, I am new to the NCR and was hoping you explain a little more about the NCR in college. My ex and I have a few classes close to each other, so what should I do if I run into him quite a bit. (Not on purpose either) Also I was wondering if it was to late to do the NCR. We have been apart for 40 days (creepy I know but I’m new to this whole breaking up experience) and just yesterday I have started the NCR. My ex and I are still good friends and I know there is something still there, but I hope its not to late to do the NCR.

Ari

August 25, 2015 at 9:45 pm

Now what if my ex knows I’m doing the NCR. Should I stop or should I continue with it? Because I was stupid last week and told him, so he wouldn’t feel the pain I felt.
Chris Seiter

September 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

Don’t go back on what you said now, it will make you look weak.
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 6:12 pm

No you should be fine doing no contact now. If you see him on the way to class be nice and friendly. Smile at him as you walk by. Then continue with no contact. If he tries to talk to you, talk for about 1 minute and then say you have to go to class. Don’t initiate anything though.

Deb

August 20, 2015 at 6:08 pm

Here’s a unique problem though…he and I had a fight when he casually mentioned to me that he was having another girl over to his place and I caught them making out in the lobby. I TOLD him never to contact me again, because of course I was very angry. We had a couple of text exchanges after that, but I have not heard from him since (the last text was 3 days ago). If I specifically told him not to contact me while in the heat of anger, is it reasonable to expect that he might during NC? I am already disappointed that he didn’t try to fight to keep me in his life and gracefully bowed out, but I TOLD him to stay away from me. Is there something else I should do before continuing with NC?
Kate

August 20, 2015 at 6:37 am

Hi Chris, my boyfriend and I have not contact for more than a month. I’m not sure too if we exactly broke off but we both need time and did not communicate during this period. I recently initiate the contact but there was no response from him. How long should I wait to try again or is that a hint that he has given up the relationship?
Marali

August 18, 2015 at 5:02 am

Hi Chris. So my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I am just now starting the NC Method. I’m not really expecting him to contact me during the NC period because during our relationship it felt like I did most of the work. I called/visted/texted mostly first. Which is one of the reasons he broke up with me, he wanted to see if the relationship is “worth it” and see if he can change. . . Including if I can change. I would complain how he never put in effort. Now my question is… should I still be the one to contact him or wait for him to finally put in effort and contact me ? It was just really annoying and I was tired of being the one making the first move for almost 2 years.

Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 4:25 pm

He might feel the loss even more because he is used to you calling/texting. Let’s just see how it plays out and you can go from there. You should wait 30 days of no contact and then reach out to him.

Derek

August 16, 2015 at 11:41 pm

What are the differences if your ex girlfriend hasn’t contacted you during no contact? She told me before starting no contact that she was seeing someone new. On day 31 of no contact.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 1:50 am

Hey man, check out my other site http://www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com

Vanessa

August 16, 2015 at 9:24 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve commented on a few things but you’ve never answered. I’m out of the country and wifi is sparce so I have left a podcast voicemail either.
I purchased your guide and point blank I’m your star pupil in this whole scenario, but nothing seems to be working at all. I don’t know maybe I just have one I a million case.
I am now the ungettable girl. Since the breakup I lost 15 pounds, revamped my whole look, made some amazing new friends, traveled to 6 different countries ( currently writing you while staying on a yacht in monaco’s main port) and have made a down right badass of myself. NC rule? Did it beautifully, honestly it was pretty easy . Initiated light hearted text and was shut down just as cold and terrible as our breakup convo. By the way I didn’t really do anything wrong that I know of because he never gave me a reason for the whole thing in the first place.
Now I’m just confused and would like a personal reply. I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. I’m a pretty independent gal who has no troubles finding a cutie, but we said we were soul mates so there’s 2.5 years invested in this and I just don’t know what move to make next.
Please email me for further info.
Cris

August 4, 2015 at 2:52 am

How much does how long you dated and the way you broke up matter? We had a great time for 6 weeks but then he started to withdrawal saying he just wasn’t ready for long term but still wanted to hang out. I told him I was looking for something more exclusive and didn’t feel being friends was appropriate for me. If he changes his mind he should reach out.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:35 pm

It can matter a lot.

I mean if you dated someone for a day then a 30 day NC won’t matter as much.

I would say that for your situation you can shorten your NC to 21 days.

Sasha

July 30, 2015 at 3:56 pm

IT WORKED! Just as I was losing all hope.. On day 29 he called me and I didn’t answer! I can’t believe it… I’m interested to see what happens next.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:44 pm

Sasha! That is fantastic news. I am so glad to hear you were able to be strong and not contact him throughout the month. Sounds like it’s paying off!!!

Dan

July 28, 2015 at 3:41 am

Hi Chris I hope you answer soon because I only have 3 days for my NC to end.
I’m currently at day 27 of no contact and my ex didnt try to contact me this whole time. But my question is if it is ok to contact him after NC even if I think I was kinda a rebound?
To make the story shorth we dated for 4 months and everything was actually pretty cool our friends always said we were just like lovebirds, I met his family (he never had introduce a girl to his parents before), he was attentive and really sweet, and out of the sudden he told me that he wasnt sure that he is ready to be in a relationship and he feels like breaking up is the right thing to do although it might not seem fair.
I found your articles the next day and learned so so much, so literally I’ve been following the NC rule since the breakup and I felt pretty optimist (despite the fact that he never tried to contact me) but last week a friend of mine told me that he is getting back with his ex before me, I dont have much info about this because my friend is now in a trip and won´t answer me until the end of August. The thing is that his ex was the very first girl that he ever had feelings for, and she actually played with his feelings and thats why he broke up with her, they were together for around 6 months although she never met his parents and they never had a date or a romantic meeting or anything because she didnt want him to get a lot of feelings, but he did and actually he liked her a lot. My ex and I started dating around 5 months after he broke up with her. So I think there is a good chance that I’m like a rebound or something, I really want to know if you think it is ok to contact him after NC period in my situation?
Thanks
Janet

July 28, 2015 at 1:04 am

Dear Chris,
I dated a man for 5 months, after meeting him on Match.com. I feel the strongest connection to this man, and have not felt this way about any other man in my life. We talked every day, all day. He would text me “Good Morning, Princess!!” every morning, and we would talk via text literally all day long. On his way home from work, he would call and we would talk about his day and mine. We didn’t go out frequently–just maybe once a month or twice, because money is a bit tight for him. I never worried about him dating anyone else, because we were always talking when we weren’t together. He bought me to meet his mother, which I didn’t think men did unless they were feeling something for a woman. He sent flowers and chocolate covered strawberries to my work, and bought me a 90 minute massage, During month 4, he stopped kissing me goodnight, just ended our evenings with a hug. When he finally disappeared, it was very sudden and I had no idea that it was coming. He literally just stopped talking to me. After 2 days of silence, I texted to ask what was up (when someone texts you all day every day and then nothing, it makes you wonder), and he told me an old ex had contacted him and he was in a funk about that. Two days later, still nothing, I emailed him asking if things were ok. He answered saying that things at work were difficult, that he was facing layoffs and his hours had been cut, but twice within his email he said “But it’s nothing you’ve done”. He then half-heartedly texted me the following 2 days. The last contact was July 9th. I haven’t been in contact at all. I deleted him from FaceBook and rejoined Match.com. This weekend, he appeared in my matches (he’s renewed) and he looked at my profile!!!!! WHAT does that mean? Since that happened (yesterday), I have blocked him on Facebook (so I can look at his page) and I have blocked him from contact and search on match.com. I’m starting my 30 days of NC over again, as of today (July 27). Chris, what are the reasons he’d check out my profile when he knew exactly whose profile it was? And is there any hope of getting him back. I’m losing hope that he wants anything to do with me, but I’ve never had a connection with another man like the one I have with him. (Side note, we were never intimate, so that has nothing to do with wanting him back).

Thanks!

Janet

Caitlyn

August 6, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Wow your situation sounds identical to mine. My ex and I were together for about 4 months and were also not intimate (which was agreed upon by the both of us). He too gave me the same “it’s nothing you’ve done” speech but then 2 days later broke up with me. Immediately after breaking up he called me the next day asking if I was ok and carrying on as if nothing had happened. I’m an emotional person who in the past would’ve responded in annoyance and anger but I did the exact opposite and told him I was fine. The conversation ended on a good note, he even texted me a couple days later at which point I decided to implement NC. He hasn’t tried contacting me yet (he is the stubborn type as mentioned in this blog) and my first instinct was to become upset, then I stumbled across this blog. I say all this to say, if your guy is a good guy like mine is (all assuming you are a good girl) then you likely have nothing to worry about. I have decided to use this time to focus on those things I was doing before we met like my job and my hobbies..also just correcting those personality flaws in me that may have caused him to lose interest. But there’s one thought that has come to my mind that I hope can help you out too. Even if NC doesn’t work in your situation, the time you spend becoming a better person will eventually pay off for you in the long run. Even if reconciliation doesn’t occur, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you are awesome and worthy of any man’s time and that confidence will attract the man who is for you. Best wishes.

Jean Faye

July 27, 2015 at 3:47 pm

I would like to make a comment and ask a question without a very long story.

I tried the NCR for just 4 days… even before I brought your Pro pack. After reading a few things that might get my boyfriend back. I tried it for a very short time with pretty good results. Was just testing it. He is of the stubborn breed and wasn’t gonna call me, text or come see me unless I contacted him first. Very Immature and Manipulative.
We had a argument now he has put me in a sort of time out because he couldnt answer questions we seriously needed to address so with men like him. He took flight. But before his flight..the whole argument started because he was trying to be controlling by certain things he would say to me and it pissed me off So I began discussing our Issues once again and he Flew.

Now I am wondering is this the time I should go for the full 30 days of NC? because we haven’t broke up. So I am not sure it applies to me, but I feel I need to do it.

Do you have to strictly follow the No contact rule for 30days or can you shorten or extend the days to your situation?
Jacquline

July 25, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Does the NCR sometimes work less than 30 days in special cases?
shalei

July 22, 2015 at 5:00 pm

i was with my ex for 2 years i feel that i was always the one given more in the relationship, we always break up and get back together, im usually always the one to say sorry and begg him to come back which i hate doing, lately we havent been in a relationship but we were still sleepin with each other and calling but he moved out and things were akward i didnt feel like i was really his or he was mine, we had argument and i did some mean stuff i told something to his family that i shouldnt but i was mad, and we had a bad breakup he kept sayin he would never get back wit me but he still was pickin up the phone to argue wit me, i got tired of arguing and pleading for him, i though about how unhappy i was in the relationship, all the cheating and me havin to do everything, i dont know why i still wanna be with him, i changed my number and hadnt call him in 17days i dont even know why im doin the nc when i should just let him go… what is goin on
Riley

July 18, 2015 at 12:45 pm

Long distance for 2 years. We are both extremely social people and became prisoners to the phone. We eventually stopped hanging out with our friends and doing the things we loved even when we were together. We eventually became super depressed.

The first year was completely different and we had an amazing amount of fun together. We had a rough patch last November, I was treated for my anxiety and we got a LOT better. Unfortunately, I didn’t maintain myself and keep myself happy and I really jacked the relationship. He kept saying he wasn’t sure if he loved me or if he was just too scared to let go and after a week of literally being stuck together up north and fighting he finally snapped and left me. He left his keys so I am assuming that is a bad sign. He has told me and his friends he is just done. I know I need space too to make myself happy again but I love him and wish we could do this together. I still want at least a month to get my own shit together with my anxiety and my weight gain (I gained 50 lbs in the last year while depressed) but I don’t want to become completely distant during the no contact. He doesn’t believe I will change and not just sit around and such so I have been posting things on Facebook and Snap chat when I am out with friends.

I guess my real question is – during the NC period, should I completely disappear from him on these sites? I feel like it is so much more different because I can’t show him I am not falling apart and I am actually trying to change unless I do it this way since we are 9 hours apart. But at the same time idk if he isn’t able to miss me because he always knows what I am up to! Help!

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”