What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Lilly

September 21, 2015 at 1:06 am

Hi Chris

I started the NC rule the day after my ex broke up with me. I sent him a goodbye text wishing him the best. He responded saying that he hopes that one day we can be friends and then we parted ways.

I have not broken NC rule. Ive remained dicplined and i have been working on my quirks. Being more mindful, trying to focus on the present and not daydream about the future or reminice on the past.

Im nearly at the end of the 30 days and he hasnt contacted me- i cant help but feel disappointed. I note from your post that you mention that men can get in touch spontaneously. If he doesnt, then i will try 45 days as recommended in your 2.0 post. I dont know if its just me, but i feel like “why should i reach out” if he was the one that ended it. He is a very stubborn person. When his mind is made up, it is made up. I feel like i cant win. What i stuggle to understand is, why would a man suggest friendship and not reach out? To soften the blow?

Kindest regards

Lilly
Monica

September 19, 2015 at 2:48 pm

It’s been 21 days since I’ve broken up with him after almost 3 years of so much. Out of pure hurt and anger I told him to never contact me again and he was upset too. We haven’t spoken since. The end of NC is coming up and idk how to contact him because he’s very prideful and stubborn , what should I do ? :/
sad and confused

September 19, 2015 at 11:14 am

It’s day 30 of the NCR and he still hasn’t texted me… All he has done is post pictures online of him with tons of other girls..don’t think he’s going to text me. I’m humiliated
Tanya

September 17, 2015 at 1:48 am

I have a question should I still make an attempt to contact my ex if he now has a new gf? He started dating her two weeks after he broke up with me but I want answers about our breakup and how he can move on so quickly after a 8 year relationship? What should I do should I contact him or not
Kat

September 12, 2015 at 6:32 pm

will NC work if he said his feelings faded?
Emily

September 12, 2015 at 3:42 am

What if he is the one who started the no contact?
We were in a relationship for 9 months and he basically moved to the other end of the United States. We discused continuing our relationship and taking a day at a time, me seeing him, and he would talk to me. I didn’t hear from him for a few days so I texted “I hope to hear from you soon. I love you”
and he said he loved me back and that he would call me. We talked on the phone for about 5 minutes and then he had to go do something.
I didn’t hear from him for a week , but saw him on social media. I finally texted him 7 days later and asked if he didn’t want to talk and he said “Actually, no.” Im busy living my life and doing school stuff. I don’t know how to make it clear that you and I arent together.” And he didn’t respond to me. So i’ve been in no contact for 8 days now. I’m so confused and need help!
Anon

September 10, 2015 at 9:15 am

Hi Chris,
My ex dumped me about 2 weeks ago, stating he was happier being single and ‘it was me, not you’ excuse. He sounded very emotionally distraught when breaking up with me. He said it was not because he was bored of me and a few days ago we even had some sexual intimacy. It was just two days before it happened that he acted cold to me through text. I texted him on that day after tearfully leaving his place asking if we could work things out but he said the real problem was himself, although there were a couple of smaller issues about me that I could fix. He said he wasnt ready for a serious relationship because he feels like he cant do what he wants alone, like spend whole week at home alone although he admits he genuinely love spending time with me.
The day after it happened, he called me to ask if we could work things out when i was already moving on. Of course I was crying and told him I couldnt give him an answer because I was too hurt now. He later texted saying we need time apart, like a few weeks break because he regretted asking me on the phone earlier on.
This made me very emotional, needy and desperate, which was not my real character. I did not beg him back but I kept texting him at night asking him why this and that. After 5 days since the breakup, he finally told me to move on and find someone else who treats me better but we could still remain friends after a few months of no contact.

My question is, what do I do now? I dont feel sad anymore but I do miss talking to him because he was the closest person to me before this. It came to me out of the blue that he wanted out, but now im starting to realise i was ignoring red flags because i loved him so much. Do you think he is missing me or is he really planning to just be friends in a couple of months? He did tell me that there was no more ‘us’ or anymore fixing to do. and even advised me that if i found a new guy and he wanted to break up with me, I should just break up instead of trying to fix anything.. Please tell me your POV for my situation.
Nish

September 10, 2015 at 2:20 am

Dear Chris,

I hope you will be able to reply to this soon. I was dating a man for about a month, we met online- it started off with us just flirting but he changed the gears into some serious discussions and admitting to liking me. We went on a few dates and had an amazing time- where we would talk for hours and message all the time. Then out of the blue last week he stops, i sent a few messages that day but dialed it down and i am now in day 3 of NC.
My question is would NC work on such a young relationship? We were intimate and talked a lot and I really care for him but i dont know how long I should practice NC, or if it would even work here
On a side note, we talked about taking our profiles down from that online site eventually and he did so around the time he stopped talking to me.
Ari

September 10, 2015 at 1:21 am

So what if you talk to your ex before your time is up and he is completely sorry for what he did and he regrets breaking up. He tried to pretend everything is okay but knew it wasn’t. So him and I talked and hung out then went back out with each other. Did I mess up? Because this year 2015 has been the worst year of my entire life and I was so upset I just didn’t care anymore. So I am hoping I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life. I still have my guard up hi and he knows that and we are going to take it slow but I just really hope that I didn’t mess up. Before the break up we were together for 5 years and the relationship had its ups and downs.

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Did he make an attempt to see you again?

Mary

September 9, 2015 at 12:33 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s day 20 and still nothing… starting to get worried. Although I don’t feel as much pain as I did the first two weeks, I’m still incredibly upset and want him to reach out to me. I don’t want to let go…
nicki_m

September 8, 2015 at 2:59 pm

Does this work if you weren’t officially dating or in a relationship? We were intimate but not official if that makes sense. I am hoping that NC method will give me a chance to start over. I know you write this specifically for people who were in a relationship. This guy however pursued me for several months and then we started talking for a few months i messed things up trying to make him jealous and evoke deeper feelings towards me but i ended up pushing him away and making him stressed out.

Emily

October 13, 2015 at 10:17 pm

this is exactly what happened to me
Roxy

October 8, 2015 at 3:51 am

Hey Nicki, just wanted to update you since we have very similar scenarios. After 36 days NC, I messaged him for his birthday using Chris’s first contact texting examples. He replied, but with no follow up question. So I didn’t respond back. 10 days after his response I made up some compelling excuse to message again using examples based from the Texting Bible, he responded cordially. I carried on the convo slowly, he responded cordially again. After a few hours I responded to end the convo and casually say that I would be in his area in a few weeks if he wants to meet and celebrate his birthday for a short bit. He agreed. (But it’s not set in stone yet. ) I have kept limited contact to make it seamless and not scare him off. But he hasn’t initiated contact at all since he broke things off.

So if you follow NC and follow the rules from Texting Bible and make it all seamless, there is a chance you can get an in person meet up.
Roxy

September 22, 2015 at 6:48 am

Same story as me…
Let me know how it goes.

katarina

September 7, 2015 at 6:03 am

hi chris .
please respond ! … my boyfriend and i broke up two days ago . i know that its no where near the 30 nc . but i really miss him . he has been looking at my snapchats and is always online on Facebook to maybe check what I’m posting . but he hasn’t texted me or contacted me personally . we broke up because he said he’s tired of being controlled and wants to be able to have more freedom with friends and not being bored and constantly talking to me . i tried posting stuff to make it look like I’m happy and having fun and it doesn’t seem like its enough for a text from him . i don’t know what to do . he said he wants alone time to think if this is what he wants . he said i can talk to him whenever i want and he will respond . but i don’t want to be the first . he also said that if he texts me , it means he misses me , but doesn’t want to know who I’m with or what I’m doing and said he doesn’t want me to try to make him jealous . i just don’t know what to do . please help me . it would mean so much . and if you could reply to me by email , that would be amazing because i don’t know how to check if you replied on here .
Alice

September 6, 2015 at 3:23 pm

What if he already knows about the No Contact rule? We had talked about cutting off contact before and I said we needed some space and time apart. Unfortunately during a drunken night he texted me and I broke NC, started begging again etc. and he wrote I regret contacting you…
I restarted NC again but can it still work?

Thanks

Tristan

November 20, 2015 at 3:57 am

Same situation with me, got weak and called, texted and emailed-
What sucks is I live above him!! Very hard-

I was on like day 15 with no contact, then I messed up-
He’s ignoring me too, his router though, to just pretend I don’t exist-

It takes every ounce of strength to not walk down stairs-
Last Sunday I was walking back to my bldg and I saw him in his place, we live in a high rise, I know his is the first floor where apartments start-
He was in his kitchen, I lost it-

I hope it all worked out for you ?

Adina

September 5, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Hey Chris! I really wanted to thank you for this article. I stumbled upon it while I was doing some research on NC. This one has explained pretty much a lot of things and ALSO calmed me down a little bit (bit fresh from the breakup – a week ago. He was overwhelmed by work/financial issues and felt guilty of not fulfilling his part of the relationship. I wasn’t a nasty breakup. I decided to go in NC right away). I’m extremely confident about him returning.

Thank you again! Keep being awesome
Maddie

September 4, 2015 at 6:44 pm

My ex’s birthday is 25 days into nc so I was wondering if I should make it a 25 day NC, just because his birthday would be a good way to start the conversation, and then maybe he would even invite me to celebrate. I originally was going to wait after and then text him but I ran into one of his old coworkers yesterday who asked me if I was going to his birthday because last time she talked to him 3 weeks prior, he had told her that I wanted to get back together with him and he wanted to get back together with me too. Well within the 3 weeks since he said that we had a few arguments and he called me crazy the last time I saw hime, which I will admit I acted a little crazy, so I decided that night that I wouldn’t contact him and I would spend time on myself, because I knew if I kept pressuring him I would ruin any chance I have of getting him back. So another question along with should contact him on his birthday, is could I have ruined my chances with him during that argument, or will he notice I’m giving him space and still want me back?
Silver

September 2, 2015 at 11:49 pm

Hey there Chris! I have some questions. Is it possible for a guy who has been in a relationship for more than a year to move to a new serious relationship in 3-4 weeks or is it a rebound? (I’m betting it is a rebound.) In other words, could a man give it his all to forget about the girl he broke up with and make it in 4 weeks?

I’m asking because my ex broke up with me almost 4 weeks ago and we were together for almost 2 years. This is day 26 of my NC period, and he didn’t reach out to me yet. I have no idea whether he’s over me or he’s got a new girlfriend or he’s missing me. I’m not stalking him, so I wouldn’t know. I do know that he deleted our anniversary photos 6 days after he broke up with me so that makes me wonder if he’s forcing himself to be over me.

I also would like to know your opinion on the following: could a guy fake having feelings for a girl during a relationship for almost two years? That can’t be possible, right? I mean, he’d have to be a really good actor to pull that off, right?

I hope you can answer my questions as soon as possible. Thank you in advance! 🙂

Caroline

October 12, 2015 at 7:57 pm

I’m in a similar situation – we dated for a long time, he broke up with me, then he told everyone he got over me in three days, doesn’t love me anymore, loves being single, etc. etc. He also said a bunch of mean stuff that was clearly untrue (“I never thought she was hot.” and other things that don’t make sense).

I’m nearing the end of my NC and he hasn’t contacted me or shown any sign that he misses me or cares about me at all. Like you, I haven’t been stalking so I don’t know if he’s with someone else or has posted anything relevant on social media. I don’t know if it’s possible to put your all into forgetting about a girl and be completely over her in a short period of time, but I wanted to let you know you’re not the only one with those questions. 🙁 It’s so hard. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we can both get our exes back and get those answers!

Angie

September 2, 2015 at 3:10 am

Hi Chris,
I’m not a Spring chicken. I’m 62 years young and my boyfriend is 60. We have been together for 6 months. I have never know of the NC rule. To me, it is so immature to play mind games at this time in our lives. First let me say my boyfriend has never been married. He’s had 5 to 6 short term relationships, some women left him, some he left. He is a devote Catholic and so am I. I really love this man, although I find him to be immature, childish at times and yes stubborn. I was married to a man I adored and who adored me for 35 years before the Lord called him home.. I was so sad and lonely for 8 years not having someone to share my life with. Finally I meet someone who is so right for me on many levels. He talked about if we were together by next Easter he would propose and we would get married a year later because that’s how long it takes to get married in the Catholic Church. He introduced me to his friends, family. His family and I are close. I sing in the choir In church with his mother and niece.
I recently made the move to the town he lives in. The distance before was too long, so he lives 2 blocks from me. He helped move me and I made him dinner to show my appreciation and he refused stating he has to be warned first, this way he want eat to much during the day. He doesn’t have a big appetite, I explained that I just wanted to show my appreciation. He texted me and said ” You show your appreciation by being with me and being my girlfriend. OK. Then we were both not feeling well he had a doctor’s appointment and I was sick at home. I live alone and he offered to send one of his sister’s to visit me and help me out. I graciously said thank you but no thanks I don’t want to get her sick. I also had my mail being forwarded to his address and a letter arrived and he asked if he could drop it off in my mail box. I said OK. A couple of days later I stopped by his house, stayed in my car and texted him to come outside. When he came towards me I saw his body language which screamed ” I don’t want to see you, ” he basically did not want me there and dismissed me abruptly. I was hurt and I said ” Sorry to bother you and ” He texted me and said ” How would you feel if I showed up on your door step without announcing myself? I didn’t get to answer him, I was so shocked. I said ” I’m lost for words and very upset.” to which he said ” I feel sad for you”. He went on to say, he likes to know ahead of time what I want, he needs time to prepare himself and also to let me know if he can be available. He also said which ticked me off ” I don’t know if you like not to be warned but this not me. I plan my time and day. ” I didn’t have a chance to say that if he showed up unannounced I would be happy to see him, I never got the chance to say that. Also, I stopped by because I missed not seeing him and I wanted to ask him if he wanted to come to my niece’s birthday party. Never got to ask that either.
After that he said if you don’t know how to do that, then you will learn. He laughed out loud, and I didn’t text or call him for a week. I was so confused.
Finally, I reached out to him and he was so nasty, vindicated, He said ” Thank you for your message, I do not wish to correspond with you.” I’m thinking are you serious? I asked why, he wouldn’t say and said that the iPhone should have a block for text and phone for people who don’t want to receive messages and calls. He said ” you need to respect me, don’t contact me anymore.” I asked him if we are breaking up and he didn’t answer me. I said I saw him on the dating site, he changed his photo, then I saw his photo and it said ” Let’s Meet”. I got mad and told him I would never have gone on the dating site without speaking with him first. He got angry an said “What are you doing on the dating site? Then said ” I don’t care if you are on the dating site.”
He has always been a sweet, compassionate, loving, gentle man, I don’t this person. I asked him for a face to face meeting so we could talk. He said ” Well … Maybe, but not anytime soon.” I told him Good bye, that he broke my heart.
it’s been 6 days and I have not heard from him. I know his family doesn’t know about us not seeing each other and I didn’t say anything in church. I acted as if everything was fine.
I don’t know if we will make up. I’m starting to get resentful that he pulled this crap on me. Instead of sitting down and talking about what his quirks are and coming to some understanding and agreement, he acts like a spoiled little boy.
I am going out with friends, I have my job that I love, a nice little apartment, I am going out on a date, nothing serious just the company of a man who does want to be in my company more.
I don’t know if we will ever get back together, I do love him, however, there has to be communication if this is to grown our relationship. His 60th Birthday was spectacular at his sister’s house. I really felt part of the family. He wrote me beautiful thank you card to being there with him. He and his family introduced me as his girlfriend and they were so sweet with me. In his card he said “Now you know how my family is and you are now a part of my family.” So, I’m lost here any light at the end of the tunnel?

Angie

September 25, 2015 at 1:06 am

Waiting for a reply.

Angie
Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:23 pm

Reply!

Sorry, what do you need help with?

vanessa

September 1, 2015 at 9:38 am

Hello.
I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. I started no contact since the first day and after a month he texted me by sending the song ” Goodbye my lover” James blunt. I didn’t reply though. I mean we already said goodbye a month ago … Did i make the right thing ? and what was his intention by sending this ?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:24 am

He is testing to see how you will respond.

Helen

August 29, 2015 at 3:40 pm

Hi Chris, back in May, I stumbled across your site and immediately heeded your No Contact Rule. It was the most difficult thing for me to do following a sad breakup. We weren’t on these same page; one day I wanted to be together and he wouldn’t and vice versa. It was so stressful not knowing where our relationship stood everyday.

I broke the rule twice from May-June 🙁 and it wasn’t until mid-June that I fully committed to it. I became resigned and slowly accepted the break up. I journaled my feelings, wrote letters to him (addressing to him without sending), renewed my gym membership (running 30 miles a week!), broke away from our mutual friends and started hanging out with my coworkers who introduced me to new friends, became more productive at work, and even applied and got accepted to grad school! I felt really good about myself and appreciated my time: ME time. Having said all that, he was still very much on my mind every single day. But it doesn’t hurt that much anymore. It also made me feel good that he’s been asking about me, my well being, etc via mutual friends.
Then…..this past Thursday, I received a mysterious text out of the blue. I didn’t recognize the number because when I truly enforced No Contact in June, I deleted his contact, wiped clean of all our text messages, and deleted ALL 46 voicemails he had left while we were together. I really didn’t know if it was really him but figured it might be. Mutual friends confirmed that it is indeed, him.
I haven’t responded. Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I still care about him a great deal. But, I also love and value myself more these days. I don’t want to go through that painful break up again.
Anyway, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for introducing me to No Contact. It has really helped me heal. I’m at peace 🙂

Jane

September 13, 2015 at 12:53 am

How long (how many days of NC) did it take for him to text you out of the blue?
Stace

September 12, 2015 at 1:18 pm

Good for you! I love seeing women that turn to positive outlets instead of wallowing away in their misery.

Ari

August 27, 2015 at 4:09 pm

Now what if my ex knows that I’m doing the NCR. Should I stop doing the NCR or should I continue with it? Does it make a difference in the NCR results?

Ari

September 2, 2015 at 2:51 pm

Well he knows already because a week before I started the NCR, I told him that he had to find his own ride to school. He was confused and upset that I told him that. Then I felt bad and still had massive emotional feelings about everything I told him. I really hope it doesn’t mess anything up.
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:06 am

How would he know?

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”