How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,237 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Taryn

March 11, 2014 at 8:05 pm

Last Monday I decided to send a classy text to be on good terms with my ex. I believe it was good to do. I always want him to see me in a good light. It was day 28 of NC (last Monday). So, last Tuesday I restarted my 30 days of NC :] Btw, he did not respond. I didn’t expect him to or even worry about it. Just sent my sweet, classy text, and went on about my business.

Today is day 8 of my new 30 days. And since then I have been working hard on my ungettable girl status. Been working out more to keep toning up more and posting pics at the gym. Lol I took a cute picture of myself to change my Facebook profile picture as well, wearing a cute dress with a Black faux leather jacket over it and wedges. Yesterday I got 20+ likes on it and comments. Didn’t expect that, but it was a nice confidence boost. My ex and I are not friends on Facebook, but I’m sure he creeps. Who doesn’t??

I’m also still working on find an awesome graphic design job and drawing a lot and posting my progress. Which I’m sure he sees.

My goal after my 30 days:

– build a new connection with texts and build a new relationship on a solid foundation (slowly over the course of however many months it will take).
– Always leaving him wanting more
– Eventually get to the point of phone calls.
– Skype with him
– maybe add each other on Facebook at some point
– And get to a point where I can go out to California to see him to seal the deal and keep on building.
– And then get to the point of being his Girlfriend (Haha further into the future, my Big Goal would eventually be marriage. I’m 26. It’s about that time. But no rush)

That’s my current goal

:]
Nelly

March 11, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Chris please please help me. My BF and I are long distance (1900 miles apart). He broke up w me bc of the distance, said te distance made his feelings for me disappear. He got a bew GF 3 weeks after our breakup. I did the 30 day no contact. Sent the “harry potter” type text on day 32, and he responded positively saying “aw so sweet, I hope you and your family are well”. I did not respond until 2 days after when I sent the remembrance text; and he DID NOT repspond 🙁 I went back into NC for a week—actually today marks the week of NC. What is my next move? Should I contact him again?
Kara

March 9, 2014 at 6:00 am

Hey Chris..I read your other articles..but this is the one that applies to me the most!
My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for 4 years. We were slightly on/off i.e. sometimes he would go off while we were separated and go back to on when we did eventually see each other again.
Things were smooth for over a year (no big fights, no talk of breaking up) and then I went and lived in his country for 6 months ..with the intention of being with him as well as working. The thing is over that period of time he started to fall out of love and a week before I left, he broke up with me and has not contacted me since. he didn’t even come to say goodbye or has messaged me after I have returned.
The entire time I was with him (right until a week before I left) however, he kept on saying how we would make this particular separation of ours work, how he will be more available and understanding etc…so basically talking as if there is no intention of a break up
But when he did break up, he said to me he was thinking about it for a long time and he was just waiting for my time to leave.
He is very adamant now about not wanting a relationship, how this isn’t our normal on/off pattern, how this time things have ended for real.

I don;t have a question for you.. but I would just like some advice as to will the NC work on someone like him who likes to be aloof and does not want a relationship at all anymore. Someone who supposedly was thinking about the breakup even while I was WITH him and was just waiting for me to come back to my country to break up with.
Do you think your recovery concepts will work on someone like that? Thank you Chris.

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Yes it can work. However, I think in your particular case what you do after NC (rebuilding attraction) is just as important.
Kara

March 11, 2014 at 1:21 pm

There is another issue..
Before we met online and then in person…he had also met another girl online although they have never met in person. He had a huge crush on her but she was a different nationality (me and him are the same nationality plus have a lot of friends in common) etc and there was no chance of them ever meeting. Then fate intervened..we met and started dating and the other girl started dating someone else from her country.
He slowly forgot about her but after 2 years with me, he got in touch with her again and started talking to her in the same manner as he used to before we met. i.e. a lot of flirting and banter.
I found out and I blew up and we decided to go on a break.
Eventually we got back together but I had my condition that she should be entirely out of the picture, which he agreed with.

However, we continued to fight about her especially due to the nature of their conversations (which he maintains were innocent). Anyway, after he broke up with me for good a month ago, I found out from a friend that they were talking again and her number was also saved under another name.
I feel very betrayed and hurt because not only is she back in the picture like this, but right now they were talking about meeting each other and surprising each other.
On the other hand, he completely dissuaded me from visiting him and told me he wouldn’t have time to skype me or keep on talking to me this year as he is busy with starting a career.
Yet, he is giving her all the attention and time in the world.
I don’t see the difference in the medium of their conversations- she is in a different country and so am I. he is talking to her everyday (i know this because i saw their messages the last time this happened) and skyping with her.
I am scared he will become attracted to her again.

How can my NC from my end work on him if he is already having the same type of thing with someone else? (although granted they never dated or have met)
Is there something else that I can also do along with the steps you have mentioned?
Thank you Chris.

Lynn

March 9, 2014 at 1:53 am

Hey Chris,

After 36 days of NC, I finally reached out to him on Thursday. I tried to make sure he’d respond by textiing something like “Guess what I drove past the other day?” He answered very quickly and I told him (we went on a date here, had really good memories attached to it, it was where he first realized he loved me). He said yes it was fun there and we sort of joked back and forth a few times.

After my last response he did not say anything for awhile (5 hrs), but I believe he was actually just busy at the time so couldn’t respond. Then later that night he finally answers and says he is happy to hear from me, but surprised and wants to know how things are doing. I didn’t know whether to respond at this point or not – I had tried to keep at least 20 mins between each of my earlier responses, but then with him disappearing for so long I felt like I missed my chance to end the conversation on my terms like you suggest, so I just did not say anything til the next day…

On Friday, told him I was good and I sent him a cute picture of a dog, since neither of us are into memes (and sending each other cute animal pictures was something we often did before while dating). He said it was cute and started asking about my animals. Told him they were fine, but that one had recently passed away. He said he was sorry to hear that, etc. I didn’t know where to take the conversation at this point because I felt like it went into sad territory.. so I tried to make it as positive as I could, said I had to go, hoped that he felt better (he said earlier that he was feeling hungover), and that “I’d talk to him later. :)”

Later on in the day he asked if I wanted to talk on Skype sometime soon because he’d like to catch up.

I’m happy he seems really open to talking, but I’m scared to death of messing up and saying the wrong thing. I don’t want to push anything too fast. I really want a second chance with him. In your guide you say that Skyping should be much later.

So, what do I do? Should I just ignore the question and continue with the next step (The Remember The Good Times Text Message)?

Do I say something like “yeah, that’d be nice” but don’t set a specific date and then continue to the next step? Or maybe tell him I’m just not ready for that yet and that I want to take things slow?

Or just bypass everything and Skype him? Granted, I don’t know whether he meant actual audio/visual talking or just using the text chat of Skype.

Ahh I’m so confused. 🙁

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:33 pm

I wouldnt just skype him out of the blue. Build in some lead up via texting to the skype. You might want to read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/ to understand how to lead up to a phone call or skype.
Lynn

March 10, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Hi Chris,

I have read that guide. I know I’m supposed to be building up the attraction before we Skype or have a phone call, which is what I’ve been trying to do.

We’ve only texted twice so far, but HE is the one asking to Skype now (or very soon). So I don’t know what to tell him to this question? Or how long to wait before we Skype. I want to go slow, but also don’t want him to lose interest if I drag things out too long.
Lynn

March 11, 2014 at 9:26 pm

So, 3 days after he asked if we could Skype I finally texted him again. I ignored the Skype question and tried the remember the good times text.

I described a memory where we bonded over an activity. It was something I was terrified to do, but he loves (roller coasters). I threw in a small compliment of “him being there made everything okay” and a bit of an inside joke. Also tried to throw in the daydream element by saying “maybe we could do that again some day” so he would think about us in the future.

No response even though I am pretty sure he read it a few minutes after it was sent. 🙁

He is either mad I ignored his question, didn’t like/didn’t know how to respond to the text, or is trying to “get back at me” by waiting a long time to reply like I just did. Either way, it feels like I messed up now. 🙁

Sally

March 8, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Hahaha! The site is fake?! Your response chris made me laugh. Anyway back to me. Me and my ex are on texting terms now.. I assumed we were going to meet up today. But a whole day later he text me saying he cant meet me this weekend. So I text him about 4 hours later saying “no worries its international womens day so no boys allowed. Im at the gym with my friend” and then I sent him a pic of me at the gym with a message “proof lol”. Hes not responded but it seems as tho he plays NC to another level. Hes really good at it. Because his texts have reduced alot even tho our texts have been completely positive, do I play NC with him for a day or a week if he replies? If I do that he’ll honestly do it to me for 2 days. Or shall I just reply casually positively?. Ive not at all let on that hes started to ignore me again even tho thats what hes doing.
T

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Reply casually positevly.
Sally

March 10, 2014 at 7:57 pm

Yeh thats what ive been doing. Just 1 more question please. Ive asked him a few times when we should meet up but he completely ignores that question. Even tho we broke due to me not seeing him as much which I regret now. Should I stop asking him when we should meet and wait for him to suggest it? Thank u so muchfor ur reply chris. Im stuck on this last one now tho.
admin

March 11, 2014 at 4:37 pm

How many times have you asked him??

He just flat out ignores the question.
Sally

March 11, 2014 at 8:03 pm

Well weve been texting 2 weeks which is when he said he’ll give it another go with me. Ive asked him about 3x since then. Ive not pushed him ive just asked and when he either ignores that question or replies a day later i act as tho ive made other plans during that time. He doesnt like talking on the phone much (although he rang me once in this time but I was asleep). I returned his call a few days later. He ignored it and text me an hour later instead. Everything u advise on ur articles is exactly what he does. He wasnt like this at all before we broke up and things were fine between us. I think ill just keep playing it cool and not ask him anymore. Ill wait for him to ask me.
Sally

March 11, 2014 at 8:06 pm

And thanks again for ur reply
Sally

March 11, 2014 at 8:10 pm

Oh btw I wanted to ask how come your book is not on amazon? I have a kindle and wanted to purchase it but its not on amazon 🙁
Sally

March 9, 2014 at 11:52 am

Sorry I meant if I play NC with him, hes extra good at it and will double the NC time to me that I do to him. So if i ignore him for a day he’ll ignore me 2 or 3 days. But i never say to him why are u ignoring me or show that i am aware of what hes doing. I play it quite cool. So what do u think is the next step.

Iris

March 7, 2014 at 3:11 am

Hey Chris!

I really need your advice…so I hope you can take the time to read what I have to say. Anyways, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me last week out of the blue…he texted me saying that he thinks things weren’t working out..I have asked him how it wasn’t working out and why he broke up with me…he ignored my question when I tried to ask him. I didn’t meet him face to face in real life yet…but i wanted to tell him that we could meet face to face probably this summer…I never got the chance to tell him that..He said that he would love to be great friends and still have many great times together tho…but I don’t just want to be friends with him…I wanna be special and I want him to love me again..will the No contact rule help me under these circumstances? Please.. I really want him back and I hope I can get your advice..I really appreciate it..thank you

Taryn

March 7, 2014 at 2:36 pm

Honestly,

I believe it could work for you. Except, I wouldn’t do the “just friends” thing because it could end up staying that way. What you want to do is go into NC for 30 days and then follow the steps in Chris’s e-book and his 2.0 version article. There is hope for everyone on this site, if they just believe there is. You can have a poker face with your ex. But I personally wouldn’t agree to just being friends. 30 days could be all he needs to realise that he was wrong about just being friends. Chris just wrote a post about girls being used by their ex. You definitely don’t want to be used by him by being there for him emotionally as a friend. You can be kind and loving. But your goal is to be ho’s girlfriend at some point.

I honestly believe it’s okay that you haven’t met in person yet. Let your goal also be to build a new relationship with him and finally meet. But be patient. Take it slow.

You’ll be fine!!! 😀

skittlesandcombos

March 4, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Hey. I really could use some advice. My boyfriend of about 2 years or so and I just broke up on Saturday. I guess he broke up with me, but I don’t think that was his initial intention, and we were both just discussing problems we have been having, and the conversation sort of steered that way.
He moved away for grad school several hours away. We are both extremely busy. We have been planning on my moving there, but things have been hard with the distance. When we broke up he told me he still loves me more than anyone and trusts me more than anyone, he just worries that marriage and a family won’t happen as quickly as I would like and he doesnt want me to be bitter. That if we were near each other, he would be willing to try to work through things, but he feels guilty and worries what would happen if things dont work out and I move out there. I think sometimes people just say thinks like this to make people feel better, but I dont think he did. He is always really very honest, one of the things I love most about him, and I never questioned his love or devotion to me once.

I was kind of a wreck, like unable to keep it together on skype when this all went down. Ive tried talking to him and making him let me just come see him, because I already had a plane ticket and plans to see each other for spring break, and told him I would still move out there and I am willing to be flexible for someone I love to follow their dreams. He just keeps saying things werent working with the distance and he knows its hard. I feel like ive botched it pretty good, and he has to know im sort of falling apart,but just last week he told me to get my RN license there so it would be easier when applying for jobs. Is it still possible for the NC order to work for me? Is it foolish for me to respond to job offers out there if they are something I am really interested in (as I have already applied to several)? Would it be absolutely foolish of me to consider still moving out there, or would that make me look just desperate,as he said he would want to try to work things out if we lived near each other sometime again(because I mentioned that I was interested in travel nursing when I was able experience wise to him, which is when he said that.)
‘
the last thing I said to him today was that I dont want to give up, and I think we are worth fighting for. I said was
I know some times things have been bad with the distance, but i never thought you stopped loving me or wanting to be with me. he said “wow, now im pissed. I said the exact opposite of that but I told you what the problems are and youre just choosing to selectively hear things. Im mad at you. Im not talking to you for awhile.”

Sorry this was so long. I am sort of lost. I can start with NC, I just wonder if it is too late now, and if it would just seem like a farce you think ..

Taryn

March 7, 2014 at 7:50 pm

Hey girl!!

I would definitely start with NC if I were you. A lot was said between you two and time can heal those wounds. One of the new things that Chris suggested in his 2.0 article, is to send a classy text to him to be on good terms. Then go into NC for 30 days. It’s a suggestion. He may not have came right out and said he was breaking up, But from what you just said, sounds like that’s where he was headed.

And if I were in your shoes, and my boyfriend sounded like he was breaking up, I would definitely put aside the idea of moving out there or finding a job out there for now. Do your NC. Build A new relationship with him. Get him to commit to YOU. And take your time. Let him ask you to move there. Let it be his idea. But right now it will make you look desperate and that you can’t let go. Which is very unattractive to men.

It will all work out if you take your time. Be patient. And do this right. Read all the articles. And the e-book

😀
admin

March 8, 2014 at 7:04 pm

I love that you actually READ!

Haha seriously Taryn I am so happy about that.
Skittlesandcombos

March 11, 2014 at 1:43 pm

Thanks guys. It’s been two days since I’ve talked to him, and I’ve actually been feeling better. He texted me this morning knowing id be coming home from work. I about lost it. He mentioned he had heard 2 songs that were sort of our songs, and he hopes that I’m finding things to smile about . It made me cry and really miss him a lot, but felt good that he has been thinking about me too. I really really wanted to respond, but I’ve bit my tongue . I don’t think I’ll be able to ignore him for a whole month though , I don’t want him to think I’m giving up, because then maybe he will try to find someone else. I just want to be able to fix our problems and be happy together again and appreciate each other again. We will see if he contacts me again . I was really feeling a lot better till I got that message though …..
Skittlesandcombos

March 12, 2014 at 2:20 am

I caved guys 🙁 . Back to the beginning… I just got so mad about that. Seems like he was playing with my emotions
Taryn

March 12, 2014 at 3:39 am

Starting over isn’t bad. There is no rush, girlfriend. You should also read the article that talks about, how long should it take to get your ex back. You would definitely benefit from that. Starting over is good. You need a good foundation to start on. God bless you love :]
Taryn

March 12, 2014 at 3:35 am

Stay calm. That’s always the first step. There is a very good reason why you should be doing 30 days of NC. It’s because of how your emotions are right now. They are too high. And acting on those emotions can cause you to feel like saying something now will fix things. You aren’t in a good emotional state to speak to him right now.

If he contacts you first, your supposed to ignore it. Chris wrote an article about why. If you feel like you are on good terms with him, just ignore him for now. I’d suggest reading the 2.0 article, if you haven’t already. And the NC article and the what goes through an ex’s mind during nc, article.

It’s very unlikely that he will find someone new. I’m pretty sure every girl on here has that fear. But why? You have to see yourself as an amazing woman that no other girl in his life can match. Become an ungettable girl. Feel good about yourself first. Do nice things for yourself until your 30 days are up. Nothing you say to him eight now will fix anything. Therefore, the first thing to do is 30 days of NC. And you can’t sit around and mope the whole time Lol. You gotta make yourself get up and have fun. Be amazing and become someone he’d want to have back. A calm, patient woman, with her emotions under control.

Be patient to start with. You will feel much better and do better if you take Chris’s advice. There’s always hope.
skittlesandcombos

March 11, 2014 at 5:28 pm

couldn’t I just say you too or something ? I guess I just don’t get the point in ignoring someone you love if they initiate contact with you, it just seems really insincere. I don’t know.
Taryn

March 9, 2014 at 4:03 am

Haha thanks!

Yes, I definitely do read. Because I want My Man back. Sincerely. And I want to get him back in the right and best way possible. I believe there is so much potential for him and I. I wish other girls would realise that they just need to be calm and patient. We want them, but we can be completely happy girls with or without them. Having them back is more like a bonus to our already happy lives :]

I honestly don’t mind taking this slow. Because if that’s what it’ll take to get My Man back, I will do that. Love is a sacrifice. I’m being patient for my sake and his. If it takes me 1 year, I will be alright with that. I’ll never give up on him.

Hehe

:]
admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:34 pm

I like you Taryn… You have an amazing attitude.
Taryn

March 11, 2014 at 6:55 am

Aww thank you Chris! :]

Flore

March 3, 2014 at 11:26 am

Hi Chris, I’ve tried to get help from you with a couple a messages, but without answers. How come you don’t reply to my messages? Now I’m wondering if your site is fake and I maybe shouldn’t use my money on your “ebook”.

admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:51 pm

How would this site be fake???

I mean, even if I wasn’t who I say I was someone still had to write all the content. So, explain to me how this site is fake?

Are you saying you think I am fake b/c I wouldn’t respond to your comment?

I am more than happy to help you but I hope you realize that I am a human being with my own life and I don’t have 5 hrs to dedicate to helping ppl in comments ever single day of my life.

Nikki

March 3, 2014 at 8:05 am

Hi Chris, My ldr ex and i broke up in sept. i still visited him in his country in october and things went really well. we were talking about getting back together until early december. he got very hot and cold with me and i just couldn’t take the stress. it was killing me. so i told him i couldn’t do this anymore and would rather just see other people. i stopped contacting him here..

he immediately went into party mode.. making himself super busy, going to weddings and meeting girls, posting pictures.. it hurt me so i defriended.

now he has moved to the us.. but the other coast. he started reaching out every now and then in january to see how i was.. i dismissed his texts but would always eventually get back to him. i didn’t initiate during this period. then in feb, he friended me the day after v-day. i sent him a message saying i’d like to chat. he agreed to skype me then blew it off and called me on the phone instead. i dismissed the convo and got off the phone asap.

the next week i called him. he picked up immediately. we chatted.. all was good. we talked about us a bit.. i told him where i stood (still interested in seeing where things could go) but i did express to him that if he didn’t want to try, it’s cool and i would understand. literally no pressure. he says he’s been so busy with his move to the us that he hasn’t had time to really think about things. he expressed that he thought it was definitely something to think about. he had to run but said he’d call me back when home. he skyped me, but i had fallen asleep (2:30am my time). he said he’d try again later in the week when he had a free moment. i didn’t respond. he didn’t call that week. i sent him a message today asking how apartment hunting was going… and i was blown off. what gives? i’m concerned i blew it and have been too forthcoming. need either some reassurance, straightening-out, or some solid advice here. I understand you probably have a lot on your plate with so many comments and emails.. but either way, hats off to you for helping so many hurting hearts.

admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Hahaha first off, you probably would have gotten a response if you made your text message much more interesting. Secondly, I think you need to get your priorities sorted out. Do you want him back?
Nikki

March 3, 2014 at 8:33 pm

100% sure I want him back. He seemed eager to chat then I told him how I felt.. Still seemed eager to chat.. but then I feel like time is not on my side here. It seems he could have changed his mind. I’m supposed to be in his city two weekends from now. Was thinking of not reaching out to him while I am there. I do not want him thinking this trip is about him. He doesn’t need another ego boost. Back to no contact for a bit?

Justina

March 3, 2014 at 2:26 am

hi Chris,

I hope you can help me. Last year in March the guy i fell in love with texted me on Facebook. He (25 years) lives in Hamburg(Germany) and I (20 years) live in Berlin(Germanny). We aranged to meet but I always canceled it at the last minute. I made him wait 6 months before we first met. He paid my journey to his place and I stayed three nights. We had a lovely time together, I got to know his brother and a good friend of his. I drove about 4 times to his place and mostly stayed 4 days. Things were going on well, I even got to know his mom (he shares an apartment with his younger brother). About 7 weeks ago my best friend texted him out of the blue, telling him he wasn’t good enough for me and insulted him very badly. She never liked him, and never supported the fact that I was dating him. This made him and I fight on WhatsApp, I ended up texting him that I love him and I wanted to be with him. (I know it’s the most unromantic thing to do!). He told me that he wasn’t ready yet and that he still needed some time. I could no longer wait so I decided to put an end to what we had. He wanted us to stay friends but first I refused but I eventually gave in because he wouldn’t let loose. We still text sometimes. I really do miss him.I forgot to mention that at the beginning of the year I had high temperature, my ex offered to drive me to the doctor. The guy I was dating said he was fine with my ex driving me to the doctor. After the doc my ex drove me home. We sat on my couch. When I woke up the next morning I noticed that he hadn’t gone because he kissed me. I threw him out and told the guy I was dating what had happened. He was pissed but after some time he said everything was fine and we never spoke about the incident.He was always there for me, accepted my flaws, we cooked together, he almost always made breakfast for me every morning, we played on his ps3, his brother adored me, my other friends liked him too. We always stayed in contact, we Skyped a lot. Everything went well, he was their for me when my dad had a stroke. Being with him felt like being with a male best friend that I really fell in love with.

Chris what can I do to get the man I love back ?

admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Have you ever tried going into NC on him?
Justina

March 3, 2014 at 2:36 am

I forgot to mention that he models a lot and is quite popular and well known in Hamburg.

Laura

March 2, 2014 at 2:02 am

Hi Chris,
I don’t think you saw my last question to you.

LDR, 37 days NC (he didn’t contact me either), broke up because of communication issues and no LDR end date. I FB messaged him a first contact message, his response was 3 days later, positive but guarded. 4 days after that I did a I have a confession text on whatsapp with a funny story about my phone not working (we had a lot difficulties with it during the relationship). he was interested during the story but then didn’t say anything at the end.

question – I feel that he’s not ready yet… and truth be told, neither am I. How long should I go back into NC for?
Ann

March 1, 2014 at 12:46 pm

My ex and I broke up in January but we both agreed to try and work on it. We broke up because of constant fighting and he said I was constantly criticizing who he was. Honestly, I just wanted him to express his emotions and REACT to some of the things we talked about. I have had major trust issues with him since he cheated on me several times early on in the relationship. I am guilty of constantly saying I want to break up during the relationship because of the trust issues I had. So for the past couple months, we were working on improving what we felt we needed to work on. We were together for 2 years and it was a pretty serious relationship. Not to mention a majority of our relationship was long distance. I read your LDR article, but I’m skeptical about how things could ever work between us again. This past week, he and I ended up having a full blown argument again and this time he said he quit, that he has no hope for us, and never to contact him again. However, he ended his vent saying maybe if he felt better he’d be able to talk to me. Is that just a tactic guys use to get control? I feel like this is a very complicated situation because there’s a lot of things I felt that he and I both did wrong, but now he’s blocked on me Facebook and I haven’t even tried to contact him through messages, emails, anything because I finally understand that he needs space. I’m going on the 5th day of NC and honestly, it isn’t hard for me at all to do now. I don’t know if he’s blocked my number. But I am concerned that if at the end of the 30 day NC rule, I text him and he doesn’t respond that I spent the 30 days “hoping” and I’ll fall all to pieces again. What do I do if he does have my number blocked and I can’t text him? I’ve been talking to so many friends who are trying to help me through the moving on process, but i’m not sure I’m ready to move on. I’m just so lost and every time I feel like I’m OK, something small triggers my depression. I’m trying to do things for myself like hobbies and going out to combat this. But I don’t know if he really meant all of the things he said and I don’t know if he’ll ever talk to me again. Please help me make sense of this confusing time.

admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:24 pm

Name specifics that make you skeptical about things working out between the two of you?
Ann

March 2, 2014 at 9:47 pm

I am skeptical because of all the things he said on Monday like “I quit” & “I love you but I can’t be with someone who makes me crazy” & “You win. You can have your prize.” Granted, he was very angry when he said all of this but this time felt different. This whole Facebook block is new for him too and not hearing from him for this long has me worried that he’s already moved on & forgotten me. The thing is he is used to me initiating contact. I begged him him via text, emails, & Facebook when we broke up. (Maybe that’s where the Facebook block came from–haha) He got upset & said he needed space. This time around, I haven’t done that. Its been 6 days & I still have not tried to contact him in any of those ways. Quite honestly, Im surprised he hasn’t contacted me to get his most cherished possession back yet, although I’m sure that’s a conversation waiting to happen. As easy as I thought the NC thing would be, it has gotten tougher within the last few days. But I plan on following through with it. I love him dearly, there’s no doubt in my mind about that. I really believe he is “the one”, as cheesy as that might sound, so this is just eating away at my heart. All of these things just make me skeptical about us ever getting back together, let alone being on speaking terms. Do you think he’s given up for good this time or should I just continue working on myself & walk away from him for good?

Emma

February 28, 2014 at 10:36 am

Hi, I just saw your website as I was looking for some insights about relationships. I was wondering what kind of relationship my ex is into. So here’s my story.

My ex and I were highschool classmates but we lost contact, and by the end of 2012 we had communication again after a long while. He works for the military and was heading back home from a deployment from the middle east. Since then we were talking until he came back and we dated for almost a month but sadly he needs to leave bc he enlisted again for another duty. Then we decided to make our relationship offical Mid of 2013, obviously it was a long distance relationship. Everything was rosey, then he was deployed. By the end of 2013, our warm relationship started to get cold and boring, i thought I was just busy with work and he was just stressed from his situation too so i tried to understand and hold on with the relationship. As a GF i was his only emotional support that he has but then he suddenly mentioned that i was far from him that it was hard to love someone that’s far. He gave me reasons to break up with him but when i asked him, he gave me a confused answer. Obviously the distance was killing our relationship and in the end we endup fighting coz we got frustrated and disappointed on whats happening to us. He kept saying he wants me/us but he was unsure on how he feels coz he think the spark’s gone. So in the end i felt we both fell out of love. When i had enough heart ache from whats happening i decided to break up with him even tho i didnt want to. Coz i know deep down inside me i still feel something for him but i guess it just died coz of the distance. So after the break up, i accidentally found out that he was already dating an Asian chick while we were still together, they met by the end of 2013. So he was already swaying when we were still together thats why he became suddenly cold. So after the break up, he came back and asked for a 2nd chance to start over..i wanted too accept him again but when i confronted him who was the girl (maybe it was just a friend) he admitted that he loves her already. So in the end he cheated on me. But by the time he admitted it, he doesnt want to get back together anymore and he chose her bec she’s physically there. So our relationship ended start of this year. Im quite nosey on somethings and i found out that this girl can’t even speak english well. My ex and i could talk bout almost anything, i know he was emotionally dependent on me. So since the break up, my ex contacted me 2x and was sharing his problems again and i felt that he needs an emo boost and support. We did talk to comfort him a bit but i told him that he needs to talk these out to his new GF. Then we both wished luck bout our future and havent spoken fora while.

Idk if he’s serious but he told me he has no plans of leaving her there even he comes back State side. His deployment will end mid this year. It was quite painful for me coz we were already talking bout marriage before this chick came into the picture and now he says he plans to marry her. So i was thinking if my ex’s new relationship a rebound or plain old cheating? Idk if i have a fight on this coz we were only physically together for a month but we were emotionally connected since 2012 compare to his new relationship that started late 2013 with a girl who’s physically there with him, who doesnt speak english well plus culture differences too (Idk am I bias?) Obviously im still a little hang up from the relationship. Do you think the NC rule will work for us? coz i was thinking he might think ive moved on and he might develop more feelings for the other chick coz im ignoring him. Hope you c ould give me some insights bout this. Thanks

admin

February 28, 2014 at 11:07 pm

Ok, don’t take offense to this but I want to ask you a question.

What makes you think that he won’t just cheat on you again?
Emma

March 1, 2014 at 5:05 pm

Good question, honestly i really can’t think of an answer.. Maybe if we’re not in an LDR anymore he wont screw up again. But do you think his relationship is a rebound and it will last? Coz when we broke up he told me there’s still a part of him that loves me and he was having a hard time but i pushed him away coz i was confused.. But when i wanted to start over and asked him who was the asian chick for a peace of mind, he chose her coz shes there with him and told me that he loves her already.

nj

February 26, 2014 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris:
My ex and I are doing OK so far right now, we text each other back almost everyday, and hes been much more involved than before, positive answer majority, I am happy about the progress, but today I texted him about asking his Email address, cause I lost it at last time my phone broken, havent heard from him so far. I dont get it, is it ask Email address is a neutral thing? I dont think I ask something over the line.what do you think from man’s perspective? Thank you for your time!
Bsrgs!
Nj
B

February 24, 2014 at 9:09 pm

I’ve been in no contact with my boyfriend for a few days shy of a month. Last I heard from him he said he needed time. I was trying to figure out when a good time to start my first text when he texted me first today! He said he doesn’t know if I hate him or not but that he thinks of me 20 times a day, still loves me and he’s sorry he didn’t contact me on valentines day (our anniversary). He also said that it doesn’t feel not right to talk to me.

My question is how should I respond? I want to be back together with him but I want to set boundaries. He stopped talking to me out of nowhere before he asked for time.

admin

February 25, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Be really classy. Try to stay on good terms with him.
B

February 26, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Thank you so much Chris! No contact worked so well! I’m being cautious and nice now he’s acting like the sweet guy I had before! He even said said the no contact period made him realize that he can’t stand not having me in his life. I can’t thank you enough.
admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:35 pm

You are very welcome!
B

February 24, 2014 at 11:33 pm

He just texted earlier saying that he’s sorry he screwed up our 3 year anniversary and he still wants me to be his girlfriend. I still haven’t responded

Pauleen

February 24, 2014 at 9:16 am

hi Chris,

Your article is very interesting.
We haven’t broke up on a 7 months LDR but seems we are. I want to give it a try to NC to save our relationship.
Hope this would make a difference for us.
Any article I miss to read how to save a LDR relationship from failing. How to overcome such case as it seems like we are stranged and seems broken up.

Thanks a lot…

admin

February 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

You shouldn’t do NC unless you two are broken up.
Pauleen

March 3, 2014 at 9:04 am

Then can you give me some of your articles on how to save it.

Thank you.
admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Best thing I can tell you is literally to scan the site and absorb as much information on it as possible.

Loulou

February 23, 2014 at 12:25 pm

Hi chris
Sorry to disturb you, but i really need your advice.
My guy initiated contact, he said he’d call later in the week. I got a valentines day message from him, but then i never got a call or a message since.
What does this mean? Do i just continue not talking to him? I cannot understand what is going on?
You asked me if i was happy that he texted, and ofcourse i am. But now hes disappeared! So no longer happy haha

admin

February 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm

Hahaha ok, you may have to reinitiate things in a few days.
Loulou

February 25, 2014 at 11:22 pm

But chris wont i be rewarding bad behaviour? He said he’d call and hasnt. I miss him dearly.
But hes not showing me anything right now.
admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:10 pm

Well, if no one talks to each other then nothing will get done. Sometimes men are just looking to see how interested YOU are.
Loulou

February 27, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Hi chris thanks again for the reply!
I read that your sick i hope you are feeling better 🙂
He actually texted me this morning:
You look really good and well
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe
I wish you nothing but happiness.

Now i live in the uk, he isnt saying hes coming here though. How do you propose i answer this? Also whats the i wish you nothing but happiness haha
Thanks again
admin

February 28, 2014 at 10:36 pm

Just a nice thing to say that he wants you to be happy.
Loulou

March 27, 2014 at 2:39 am

Hey chris its been a while
Recently my ex’s best friend as been talking to me about my ex. She said hes been contacting her and that hes stuck in this cycle unable to get over me but tells her he wants to send me a message then doesnt. She warned him not to give me mixed signals. Hes told her hes been looking at my photos and that i look good and that i must be dating someone, he even told her hes seen my statuses and even thought at times that i was trying to give him a hint. He asked her to ask me how i am, but then asked when my exam is and did not want to distract me before my exam.
He told her he knows he wont find someone like me and said all these amazing things about me, but then said but im worried and he said i want it to be ok not to talk for a day or two if we were together.
Ive told his friend i dont want her in the middle, and that if he wants to talk he can talk to me.
I dont get why hes going through her to talk to me, or lets me know that hes asking about me. Is it mind games? And why is he not contacting me?

Nikki

February 21, 2014 at 7:58 pm

I have read all of your articles, and purchase your ebooks. Thank you for all that you do and all of the tips.

I desperately need your advice on a couple of questions.

I was in in an LDR (I live in 1900 miles from my ex-BF) for approx. 6 months. We met on eHarmony. He came to my state to meet me, and we hit it off. We closed our eHarmony accounts and decided to give our relationship a shot. During Thanksgiving holiday, he then flew me to His home and we had an amazing time. Anytime we were together we had an amazing time. While in at his home he introduced me to his family and friends. Around Christmas/New Years, things started to fizzle—our conversations were still daily but they were shorter. He claimed to be overly busy with work. On Jan 26, 2014 a friend of mine who has been warning me about LDRs decided to search Match.com for my ex, and she successfully found him. (BTW, my friend is a member on Match.com). So on Jan 26, I was on the phone having a wonderful conversation with my ex-BF (who btw, just told me the night before that he has fallen in love with me). During our conversation I received a text message from my friend with a screenshot of my ex-BFs Match.com profile and his status was “Online Now”. I was shocked, and heartbroken. I did not say a word to him that night, but after a sleepless night, I decided to confront him the next morning via text. He ignored my text for over 1 week and for the first time in 6 months I did not hear a peep from him during this week. Finally he sent me an email telling me that he was only on Match.com because it was an old account that he’s had as long as he’s had eHarmony acct, and he was only on there to update his settings to not renew. I know this is a lie but I went along with him. Anyhow, he then told me that even tho I have all the ingredients he is looking for, he is reconsidering our relationship and believes he may not be as ready as he thought; and his feelings have disapated due to the distance. I replied to his email with an email telling him I understood and hoped that we could remain fiends. He did not respond, and I have been in NC for 3 weeks now. My questions for you are:

1-We are still friends on Facebook, and I know that he looks at my page often. Is this okay, or is being FB friends, which gives him the ability to see what I am doing, hindering the NC?

2-I believe he is seeing someone new as of last week. Just my gut, and from some comments on FB. Hope this is a rebound 🙂 How do you get an ex back that already in another relationship, and is so far away from me? What would my first contact text say? Should I do NC for longer than 30 days? My 30 days will be next week… but now that he may have newly met someone else, I feel funny texting him.

OMG I’m so confused. Please help me Chris.

Thank you…looking sooo forward to hearing back from you.

Nikki

admin

February 22, 2014 at 6:39 pm

How do you know he is looking at your Facebook?
Nikki

February 25, 2014 at 8:03 am

Hi Chris,
my Long Dist ex is seeing someone new as of 2 weeks ago. How do you get an ex back that already in another relationship, and is so far away from me? What would my first contact text say? Should I do NC for longer than 30 days? My 30 days will be tomorrow, but now that he may have newly met someone else, I feel funny texting him. Help!!! What do I do for 1st contact after NC? Im not making a move til I hear back from you.

Biting my nails…
Nikki
Nikki

February 22, 2014 at 7:18 pm

Because I did the view source code to see the top people who visit my page and he is number 1 of my 476 friends.
Nikki

February 24, 2014 at 6:26 pm

So what do you think about my questions?
1-We are still friends on Facebook, and I know that he looks at my page often. Is this okay, or is being FB friends, which gives him the ability to see what I am doing, hindering the NC?

2-I believe he is seeing someone new as of last week. Just my gut, and from some comments on FB. Hope this is a rebound How do you get an ex back that already in another relationship, and is so far away from me? What would my first contact text say? Should I do NC for longer than 30 days? My 30 days will be next week… but now that he may have newly met someone else, I feel funny texting him.
admin

February 25, 2014 at 6:36 pm

1. This is good. Give him the ability but don’t engage.
2. Wait till you have actual proof he is seeing somone new.

Laura

February 20, 2014 at 10:12 pm

Hi Chris,
I asked you for help earlier. Since then, I have bought and read your book, have read your articles and have been following your advice to a T.

Backstory: met the ex travelling, did long distance for 5 months. We had a fairy tale relationship but he realized he couldn’t move here for financial reasons. He didn’t pick up on my hints that I could move and between the 18 hr time change and me working a crazy job I didn’t give him enough attention. 1 week of bickering and he broke up with me via a very cruel text 3 days before my flight to see him for Christmas.

2.5 weeks after the break up I sent him an email asking what had happened and he sent me a cold response saying that I didn’t communicate enough with him, that he can’t do long distance anymore and didn’t want me to move there. I thanked him and told him I was respecting his decision.

After 37 days of NC and nothing from him I sent him a fb message following the first contact guidelines. 3 days later, nothing.

Here is my question:

Given that our issues were me not communicating with him, his mind being 100% made up, the incredible distance, the no moving, and his no response to my first contact message; when and what type of message should I do next?

I can’t follow the same format as the last first contact message (kinda same format as your harry potter book message) so any ideas and timeframe???

help?

admin

February 21, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Have you tried to go extreme and send an i have a confession type of text message.
Laura

February 26, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Hey Chris,
4 days after his response I did an I have a confession type of message and then told him a funny story. Throughout the story I got two 1 worded responses, however, at the end he said nothing.
It’s been 2 days and nothing from him. I think he’s pissed at me for politely ending it after his positive response from my first contact message (it would have really bothered him in the relationship).

What would you suggest? I think that he’s going to be very guarded, logical and analytical and I think he’s mad again. I think in the next set of messages I should have an actual short conversation with him (???).

How long should I wait before I contact him again? What sort of contact should I use?

Thank you so much for any help 🙂
Laura

February 26, 2014 at 8:41 pm

Also, just because I’m worrying… should I consider the fact that he didn’t respond to a funny story that screwed it up or I failed?
Laura

February 21, 2014 at 4:00 pm

NM. He just responded to the first message in a positive way. Keeping on with the plan :). Thank you Chris!!!!

Flore

February 20, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Hello again Chris.
I hope I’m not bothering you with my problems. I’ve texted you about my situation with my ex some days ago, did you got time to read it?. Well I’m confused now, because he has deleted me from FB. It started with me deactivating my profile on Facebook and I stopped following him on insta because it tempted me too much to text him. So now he has deleted me from Facebook and is not following me anymore on insta. What does this mean (seen from a guy perspective?) I’m so, so, so confused. Btw, about me going on a vacation with my ex, do you think it’s a good idea?
Thanks in advance:-)

Flore

February 20, 2014 at 6:45 pm

Hi again Chris, I forgot to mention that he will be travelling for a month, so when my NC ends, I’m not sure I will be able to reach him on his phone nr. Can fb do the job? And without thinking about it, I started to follow him again on insta. Should I restart NC? I’m so sorry for all these messages, I just have so many things to ask you.
Thanks again!

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