Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Do Avoidants Open Up Emotionally?
How Secure People React To Avoidants
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
Post categories
Loulou
April 4, 2014 at 1:35 am
Hey chris its been a while
Recently my ex’s best friend as been talking to me about my ex. She said hes been contacting her and that hes stuck in this cycle unable to get over me but tells her he wants to send me a message then doesnt. She warned him not to give me mixed signals. Hes told her hes been looking at my photos and that i look good and that i must be dating someone, he even told her hes seen my statuses and even thought at times that i was trying to give him a hint. He asked her to ask me how i am, but then asked when my exam is and did not want to distract me before my exam.
He told her he knows he wont find someone like me and said all these amazing things about me, but then said but im worried and he said i want it to be ok not to talk for a day or two if we were together.
Ive told his friend i dont want her in the middle, and that if he wants to talk he can talk to me.
I dont get why hes going through her to talk to me, or lets me know that hes asking about me. Is it mind games? And why is he not contacting me?
Should i just wait it out? What do you think is the likely outcome here?
Thanks chris
admin
April 4, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Whats wrong with you reaching out first?
I wish more women would do this honestly. As long as you reach out first and make him do all the work after that you are still golden.
Loulou
April 5, 2014 at 12:35 am
Hi chris
Its not an ego thing. I just want to make sure he wants me. His best friend says hes confused and doesnt know what to do! I thought all this time wouldve made him think clearer. Should i expect something from someone thats confused? Do you see this alot?
I have thought many times about contacting him first, but then think its what i did before, so how do i know that his approach or views of me have changed.
Wont a guy that wants something bad enough, DO something about it?
Im sorry if my questions are frustrating, im confused with what my family tells me and what i read on your site. Both of you make valid points and now im conflicted.
Lea
April 3, 2014 at 9:55 am
oh, he just answered to my “you wont belive what just happened to me” message, I wrote on sunday. (So 4 days later). The response was something between neutral and positive. The problem: actually I said I’m going to try again in 2 weeks because I thought he ingnored me and the other things I wrote in the other comment. Should I answer later today or wait until the 2 weeks are over?
admin
April 4, 2014 at 4:59 pm
He was debating for 4 days if she should respond or not. Seriously.
Lea
April 3, 2014 at 10:08 am
And why did it take him so long to answer? He definitely wasn’t the busy.
(The message was indirectly about me moving “close” to his home…but I didn’t mean it lake that, it was just an interesting story)
elisa
April 2, 2014 at 11:09 pm
hi! I had an 1 year and a distance relationship . We are from different countries so I haven’t seen him for 5 months . We had broken up in the summer but we did a trip in octomber and he insisted in getting back in the relationship . All that months I was not giving him the attension he needed and he was asking me to visit him but I was not booking the tickets as I had to because I was stressed with other matters. He was threating me with breaking up but I didn’t believed him. 2 weeks ago he broke up wiith me from the phone but he told me that if I want him back I have to book soon tickets. 4 days after I call him to tell about the dates that I wanted to but he didn’t answer me and he told me that he is more calm without me, about 10 dates after the broke when he saw that I was ready to go there he told me that he already is starting something new with a really nice girl from his faculty and that for that reason is not the right moment to go to meet him. I’m really affraid that this was the end. I’m crying all day and I don’t even eat. We speak with messages in fb but I’m writting first and he tells that I didn”t really want him and we can talk again for that after I calm down. I want to feel better and get him back do I have any chance if I follow the rules? I feel ready sicrifice everything for him
admin
April 4, 2014 at 4:42 pm
Do you think the distance hurt you guys? That amount of time without seeing someone can be really tough.
elisa
April 5, 2014 at 6:50 pm
the problem is what to do now? it would be a good idea a friend to talk to him? or maybe I have to continue the NC and just hope? I afraid that he is going to fall inlove with that girl and forgive me
Sarah
April 2, 2014 at 10:50 pm
In what timeframe should you space out your texts…a day? Two? I’ve completed the first text & got a positive response back immediately. Celebrating small success! ; )
admin
April 4, 2014 at 4:41 pm
Usually 1-3 days but solowly getting closer to each other and then eventually every day.
Rebecca
April 2, 2014 at 10:13 pm
Hi! I really need advice please… His birthday is next week and it’ll be a month since we talked. In the two weeks following the break up, we had gotten to the point where we were sending friendly messages, but I wanted to take away the security of having me available as a friend, so I went into NC without warning him – I simply ignored his last message (he hasn’t reached out since, but I expected as much). It’s obvious that he still cares and he likes the idea of starting again when he finally comes home permanently and he isn’t overseas, but the reason he broke up with me was due to the fact that I acted really insecure and needy due to the distance and he couldn’t handle it while over there. So I’m trying to demonstrate that I’m changing (and I truly have been working on myself) – that was the point of NC…to make him miss me and notice a change.
I want to use his birthday to re-initiate contact, and I want to send something really positive like a skype video message (since my looks are an asset lol 😉 ), wherein I use your suggestion to bring up a positive memory (nothing romantic – just from one of our nights together when we went on a trip in January). I’m torn though… on the one hand, I really want to stir up his positive feelings/memories in my message and make him really miss what we had and how happy I made him so that I can then turn around and play hard to get, but I’m afraid that it might come off like I went to too much trouble to make him feel special (which will translate into availability). It’s his birthday though, so I don’t want to just send a generic “happy birthday” message. I want it to be something that makes him WANT to reach out of his own volition because I make him happy and he’s missed me. Would I be overshowing my hand though because he’d know that I obviously still care? I’m a really high quality girl, but I was too available in the past and I don’t want to ruin the effect of NC. Thanks so much for your help!
Loulou
April 5, 2014 at 12:50 am
Rebecca i am experiencing similar conflict to you, may i ask what you did in the end?
admin
April 4, 2014 at 4:35 pm
Hahahaha I agree if you got the looks use em!
Lea
April 2, 2014 at 7:11 pm
I’ll make it short:
-he broke up 4 months ago because of the distance, after dating for only 2 months
-I tried nc, the response was neutral or positive…but when I finally said I’ll “soon” live near him he said we won’t meet
-I don’t know if he has a new girlfriend
-Today I found his mother on fb, we only met once for a weekend.
My question: Could he possibly change his mind about meeting me? how can I find out if he has a new girlfriend if it’s not on facebook and we don’t really have mutual friends?
But the most important question right now: Can I use his mother to my advantage? Isn’t it stange when I just start contacting her?
Thanks for reading my story, it would be great if you answered all of my questions 😉
admin
April 3, 2014 at 5:47 pm
Do you have any mutual friends you can ask about his dating situation?
Lea
April 3, 2014 at 6:00 pm
No not really :/ I only met his friends once, and he and a friend we both have didn’t talk since a long time :/
It would be strange to ask one of them…
That girl
April 2, 2014 at 4:59 pm
Day #19 of NC. I sent him his stuff and he said he would send mine “soon” but I still haven’t gotten it. What’s up with that? It’s not like I really need any of that stuff, but the torture of checking my mail every day and waiting is killing me. What’s the hold up? Is he really THAT busy??
That girl
April 2, 2014 at 5:02 pm
I guess I should make it clear that I mailed his on day #1 of NC
That girl
April 3, 2014 at 1:54 pm
Chris,
Is this attempt to get me to break NC?
admin
April 4, 2014 at 5:02 pm
Probably.
Joan
April 2, 2014 at 2:04 pm
Hii cris,
He told me on message that he dont want me or his rebound gf no harm and told me that he needs to give other person a chance, i know he still have feelings on me as when i did nc he callled me on the 21 day but the issue on us was not resolved as he said that distance makes him realized that we are not good to be together, and after a few days he has this rebound and told me he is going with the flow, i deleted him on skype, did I do the right thing? Can I use nc to make him realize what I mean in his life and me to know also? I feel so bad and feel like he is putting me aside as his option, or can I respond him and told him I that I am not a reserve or just no reply and go nc? Thanks
jake
April 2, 2014 at 2:14 am
Hello, 22 year old guy here hope you can give me some advise:)was in a close relationship for about two months than she moved away and did long distance for about 3 months. I broke up with her due to a few fights and a few lies i caught her in, but I still love her. I implemented your no contact rule then she broke it saying she missed me. So i made her a handmade card for her birthday then she ignored me. So a few days later I sent her a text asking how her birthday was then she called me twice the second time i answered and we shared a beautiful conversation it sounded like she was smiling the whole time, then i texted her again to tell her i really enjoyed the convo and ignored again what should i do next?
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:43 pm
Check out Ex Girlfriend Recovery (the sister version of this site) its still very new but I think can be super helpful.
Beth Brazeau
April 1, 2014 at 11:07 pm
Hello I absolutely love your site and I’m very eager to put your teachings into practice! I just had a question regarding the No Contact Rule. You see I didn’t find your site till two months after me and my Ex broke up (long distance relationship i might add. He lives about three Provinces away from me)and I’ve still been in contact with him and i know now that was a mistake though that won’t discourage me. After the first month he wanted to get back together (I really don’t know what I did to make that happen or I would of done it again) so even though he changed his mind the next day i feel there is still a chance to get him back. and I was just wondering if you’ve been in contact with your Ex for two months after the break up should the No Contact Period be longer then 1 month?
Thank you so much!
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:33 pm
I would actually say that you should shorten it to 21 days.
fiza
March 31, 2014 at 2:35 pm
I tried everything bt nothing is happening.all in vain.n m dying…m in deep pain…plz help me :'(
Sarah
March 30, 2014 at 2:27 pm
Hi,
My LDR situation is pretty complicated. I’m not actually sure if he has broken up with me or not. I know for sure there is something very wrong, but he hasn’t actually given me a definitive answer. It’s always me who visits him but this time he was supposed to. About two weeks ago he told me he can’t make it because of his work. I did get a bit upset with him but I was willing to work with it. Since then he started completely ignoring me. I phoned him to ask what was going on and he said he felt awkward about moving around all the time and has a lot to think about and sort out. I was supposed to visit him next month and when I asked if he still wanted to see me he said he doesn’t know what he wants. And that was all he kept saying and didn’t actually say he wanted to break up. What does that mean? It’s been just over a week since then and we’ve had no contact since. Will the no conctact rule still work if it’s him ignoring me? What should I do?
love
March 30, 2014 at 11:11 am
Hi Chris,
I have written to you previously about my man issue…I am a Asian woman, he is currently live in his country, U.S caring for his daughter who missed his help, he says.I and my boyfriend were live together of 7 year and we had been split up since December, 2012 and he had been always coming back to me until last summer in May and again end of the last December, but it did not happen somehow even all my devotion and effort to him constantly.He had been always says, we’ll be together again, but i don’t know when. I must to do the right thing first here with my family…bla bla. Since then i have been land in my own country and got a chat with him shortly while he says, he will try to be on chat in weekend and definitely next Monday. I had some really profound epiphanies about where our relationship went wrong in January when we had chat. Now he has been ignored all my mail even for my friends call to him. Please, what i can to do now? Is there any chance still to focus his attention to me again?? I really needs someone who can tell me the sincerely advice…
Please, i REALLY missed someone’s help to suggest me real guide. Please, how i can have answer from you???
Taryn
April 1, 2014 at 5:31 pm
Stay calm okay. That’s the first step. Right now your emotions are too high to think straight. So the first things Chris would suggest to you is going into No Contact (with your Ex ) for 30 days. No texting him, no email, no phone calls, no skype. During that time you need to get your emotions under control. Work on healing your heart and your mind. Go out and have fun. Spend time with your wonderful family :]
Start with that before making any other decisions.
Don’t worry, there is hope for you.
😀
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:14 pm
Taryn is so awesome isn’t she?
Taryn
April 3, 2014 at 6:31 pm
Thank you :] Glad to help out
Loulou
March 30, 2014 at 12:10 am
Hey chris its been a while
Recently my ex’s best friend as been talking to me about my ex. She said hes been contacting her and that hes stuck in this cycle unable to get over me but tells her he wants to send me a message then doesnt. She warned him not to give me mixed signals. Hes told her hes been looking at my photos and that i look good and that i must be dating someone, he even told her hes seen my statuses and even thought at times that i was trying to give him a hint. He asked her to ask me how i am, but then asked when my exam is and did not want to distract me before my exam.
He told her he knows he wont find someone like me and said all these amazing things about me, but then said but im worried and he said i want it to be ok not to talk for a day or two if we were together.
Ive told his friend i dont want her in the middle, and that if he wants to talk he can talk to me.
I dont get why hes going through her to talk to me, or lets me know that hes asking about me. Is it mind games? And why is he not contacting me?
Harmony
March 29, 2014 at 9:50 pm
Hello Chris,
My now ex and I broke up a week ago, not my choice. We’ve been together for almost 1 year. Our story is different. We met while working in the US (he’s French, I’m Mexican) and were together for a couple months there, then he had to go back to France 2 months later i came to France with him for the summer and then he came to Mexico with me.
We had plans on moving in together somewhere else and on December he got a job offer in London (we’ve been on LDR for 4 over 4 months), he took it and we agreed that I would come and join him as soon as I found a chance. We had pictured a future together.
We’ve struggled a lot ever since he left because it is very difficult to get a visa for me due to my nationality, so we were forced to have a LDR due to the circumstances.
A month ago he was noticed that he will get transferred from work somewhere else in the world on December. And ever since he started to be distant, grumpy… he was withdrawing and I thought it was temporary but it wasn’t. As i tried bringing him up he kept pushing back until last week when we talked via Face Time (after a whole month not doing so) and he said he couldn’t keep going.
While he was in crisis, i finally found a school, and got my plane tickets, and already got an appointment at the UK Embassy next week. I’m leaving in less than 2 months and I really really want him back.
We’ve been off contact for 3 days now and I am scared that he might forget me or find someone else.
Do you think this method will work for me? What else can you suggest me to do?
Thank you so much.
Kahlan
March 29, 2014 at 10:50 am
Hi Chris, GREAT articles there really 🙂 Enjoyed reading every single one of them, read about 10 out of all of your articles in one sitting. Just one quick question about this LDR section, why does the girl have to go to the guy?!?! Shouldn’t the guy be putting in more effort and come to the girl instead??
Thanks in advance for answering, very grateful for your site.
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Well, you don’t have to go for the guy if you don’t want to obviously. However, sometimes you do have to make the first move to get him to make all the moves after that.
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Well, you don’t have to go for the guy if you don’t want to obviously. However, sometimes you do have to make the first move to get him to make all the moves after that.
Kahlan
March 31, 2014 at 12:43 am
Alright thanks a bunch Chris. Will keep an eye out for your stuff.
Kahlan
March 29, 2014 at 10:58 am
I mean, to fly over to see him. I thought guys treasure things that they put effort into? So if he pumped cash and time into this relationship, then he’ll be more likely to treasure it? As opposed to the girl just showing up at his door. And giving in to his physical needs.
Thanks once again 🙂
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:24 pm
Generally speaking yes the more effort and investment a guy puts into a relationship the better.
Erin
March 28, 2014 at 6:54 pm
Hey! I really could use some solid advice as I find myself googling and reading very unreliable resources concerning how I should deal with my situation. My ex gf were in a LDR for 14 months and in 6 months she were finally going to start our lives together once she finished school. Now keep in mind this is a lesbian relationship, although I am hoping you have an open mind and whether straight or not it’s all the same.
To say we had our problems would be an understatement as most of our issues were bc of the distance and the way it affected how I was overly needy to her. However despite it all we stuck it out together bc we knew how great we were when we were able to spend time together. But back in January our problems escalated and I just needed space from her. For one to make sure it’s what I wanted and two in hopes of her realizing what life without me would be like as I felt she took me for granted.
During this time, about a week later, a prior ex of mine was in town. To say that I ever completely got over this ex would also be a lie. Mind you, this ex had tried numerous times to contact me while in this 14 month relationship but I always ignored her bc I was happy without her. However now having this space from my ex, I decided to meet up with her. At first feelings for her resurfaced however after weeks of thinking, she wasn’t the person I remembered from when we dated two years ago.
While I took time to figure this all out, my most current ex tried on numerous occasions and efforts to get me back, all of which I pushed away. However realizing I made a mistake and tried to go back to her after two months of separation, she now says the tables are turned and she no longer wants me and needs space to “do her.”
For a week I tried to just be friends but it only hurt me more as I want more with her. I am 5 days into no contact and still not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. I know I love her more than ever now that my prior ex is finally in the past but I don’t know how to get her back.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Erin M.
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:34 pm
Right now you are doing the smartest thing. Just laying back with the no contact rule.
moonlight
March 28, 2014 at 3:16 am
Hi Chris,
I’ve unintentionally been follow the NC rule for almost 7 weeks…yeah much longer than 30 days. I can’t believe it. I actually went into it thinking that’s it…but my inner voice just wont deny that i feel that there is still something there between me and my ex. It is LDR for me, and he is talking to someone else (who unfortunately i also know), since July of 2013, under a month from the time i decided to step back he started “seeing her”. Our contact has been minimal, and i was usually the one to initiate the conversation. I asked him shortly before my NC started if i make him uncomfortable and that’s why his responses are so short. He said to me he does not know how he feels but that he is not sure how I or his current girl would react in certain cases. I’m wasn’t sure how to take that so i asked and all i got back was that “i feel its fragile”. That is when i started the NC, simply by not responding. Of course he has not said anything in this time. But Chris, i truly love him very much, and my intuition says he hasn’t forgotten me either. since i am well over the 30 days and ready to initiate the contact, i wanted to ask you if the options of contact you listed above are to be followed in order or all they all “first” contact after NC? I know that’s a silly question, but i really want to go about this in the best way and not mess it up. i’m really nervous for this and i hope you can help me get started again…
ps. your doing some awesome work for us ladies 🙂
admin
March 28, 2014 at 4:49 pm
You know what. I love writing for you guys.
I learn so much about relationships just by talking with you and also I love the community that is forming behind Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
You might actually beneift from reading this (specifically how the texting rules.)
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/
Moonlight
March 29, 2014 at 2:34 pm
Thanks Chris!!
The response was more positive than before and he has an interest in what’s been happening in my life, because I’ve made a lot of positive changes.
For once I was the one who ended the conversation. Now I just have to determine how long to wait before my second contact and how frequently I should contact….
Tjs=
March 28, 2014 at 12:13 am
I wanna start the 30 day NC but whht should I do if my ex bf and I were scheduled to meet up like tomorrow night? Should I still meet up with him and then start the 30 day NC afterwards or cancel it or just ignore his texts don’t meet up with him?
A confused 22 year old
March 27, 2014 at 10:37 am
Hi. My boyfriend and I broke up 11 days ago. We have been in a LDR for approx. 4 months. We always text and call each other every day. But on the 16th we had a big blow out (over jealousy issues on his part-he thought i may like someone else) and we both got vulgar and he promised never to contact me again. The issue is we fight often (like once a week) and each time he says he will stop talking to me he never does and comes running back. But this time it’s different, he hasnt called and I miss him soo much!
Most of my friends and family are glad its over because they felt he wasnt been true. The reason why i say this is because, Even though it was a LDR thing, he still comes at the end of every month (for 1 week) to the same city I live in. When I ask if we could see, he always has some form of excuse and this brings up many red flags for me.
He claims he loves me, I believe him but now I am so confused as to why he hasnt called (I dont want to call until he does (doing the whole NCR thing), cause im angry with him, but still miss him.)
I dont know whether I should let him go as there are many issues we always struggle with or I should still hold on and hopefully he contacts me?
P:S– I speak with his bestfriend on whatsapp every time and it sounds like my ex hasnt mentioned our breakup to him yet. Is this a good sign he doesnt consider me an “ex”? Or the best friend doesnt want to tell me anything because he is scared of hurting my emotions?
IM CONFUSED, HELPPPP!!!
admin
March 28, 2014 at 12:04 am
Keep waiting him out… I bet he comes running back.