How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,237 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Emma

November 1, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your excellent website. I’ve read a lot the last days and it really helped me through a tough time. I still have a question. I have a LDR since six months. I’m 30 and he’s 34. We live a two hour flight away and speak different languages (English is our common language). Since we met we spend three times a long weekend together at my place.
He has a daughter who lived with him while his ex wife lived about 1000 km away. He has been taken care of his daughter most of the time and didn’t want me to go his place because he didn’t want to introduce me to his daughter yet. But now his daughter is moving to live with her mom. He is doing a master this year and has some family problems (father is really ill but lives in Costa Rica). So I tried to be really understanding. Now his daughter won’t live with him anymore I hoped to spend a week at his place. But he said I only could stay for two days… So here the first arguments started and it kind of escalated to the moment where I told him I wanted to forget him
because I couldn’t do this anymore. That was so selfish and I’m ashamed for this behavior. I guess I hoped he would say that we shouldn’t give up so fast, because deep down I don’t want to break
up. But he said he understood and that he was sad because he really likes me and that it was just really bad timing. Because he has to much on his mind and couldn’t focus on me. And he asked for a deal. He would contact me in May after he finishes his master and if I would still be single and I would still like him we could try again in a more serious approach.
But what should I do now. Wait until he contacts me first even if that takes seven months? Or do a NC for one month and than reach out? I’m not ready to forget about him. We had a really good connection and the only reason it didn’t work was bad timing as he states it. Could you give me you
honest opinion Chris? Thank you for the help.
Emma
Ivy

October 28, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Hi Chris! First sorry for my English, it’s not my native language. So this happened. Ive been in a long distance relationship with my ex for 9 months. It was all great we were seeing each other every month, I was staying at his place during time i was there, he loved me a lot i can say that. So next time I needed to go there was for his birthday, but 3 weeks before he started to be very cold with me, we used to text a lot and suddenly he changed, he texted me just a few words a day that wasnt normal for us. When I asked him whats wrong he would say nothing, then he would be normal again and the other day cold again. I couldnt stand it anymore so I asked him to be open with me and tell me. He started complaining how this is hard and stuff(weird becayse he was the one that always said we will make this work and was positive all the time), So I thought its a hard period for him so I said to him to clear his thoughts, and gave him some time. We didnt text for a while, but I was so lost without him and texted him after few days. He said he needs some more time and okkay i gave him. Afteer a week i noticed he wrote a status that his brother had an accident and i noticed he also deleted our one and only picture together. I was so pissed of i thought he will contact me during his hard time with his brother and need me at his hard times but it turned out completely oposite. So i decided to break up he agreed. After few days he started texting me that he feels awfu and we had a conversation a bit that dayl, then when i texted him the next day he was cold again. I mentioned to him that i dolnt want us to be in contact and it will be better to delete our numbers but he insisted to “keep and touch and not hate each other” and “who knows what will happen in a year” he kept reapiting that every time. So now we didint contact for 15 days(longest) and he texted me saying i look berautiful on he new pic. I replayed said thanks and asked him how it was. And during the conversation he said who knows what will happen in a month or two?. And he also said to me to text him whenever I want I dont bother him. I texted him after 2 days because i thought he changed his mind and wants t get back together. But he didint respond to my text… this confuses me I dont know what he wants. Please give me some advice. Im sorry for the long and bad english post.
THULIE

October 26, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Hey Chris, my ex lives in South Africa and I’m currently in the UAE. We were in a long distance for over a year. Things were serious … We introduced each other to our families and we spoke about the future, everything was perfect. I visited South Africa this summer and we saw each other, things were good but by the time I left in August ….things started becoming a bit sour, I thought about him , I was focused on talking to my friends and he was also minding his own business. Then mid- August , he messages me saying that he wants to focus on school and we’ll fix things when I move back to SA this christmas. I agree and I carry on with my life …. then in mid- September I text him, telling him how much I miss him and December is far ( Now that I think about it, I could have worded that text a bit better ) Anyway he shuts off me , saying that he doesn’t know what to say to me and ends up ignoring my texts …now it hits me that this could be a break up, the emotions begin to kick in. Then a friend of mine talks to him earlier this month and she asks him about how him and me are doing … He tells her that he doesn’t like talking about this situation and that he has moved on with his life. Okaaaay ??? but why not tell me that and tell her ??. And this point I’m extremely heartbroken because now I don’t know what I did wrong … I mean we were almost over this long distance period, I’m moving to the same city as him in less than two months. It just doesn’t add up… And I miss him everyday and I just want him back. But since he has claimed to have moved on , I don’t know what else is left for me to do. We also haven’t spoken for a good month and some weeks 🙁 HELP
Ally

October 26, 2015 at 12:23 pm

So my BF and I broke up a little over a month ago and thank goodness I found your website right away because I started NC immediately. Well exactly one month after our breakup and 30 days later, he texted me. Which kind of makes me wonder if he was doing NC also. Anyways, he really wants us to be “good friends”. We were not friends before we started dating so I’m not sure how to even do that with him because honestly it hurts too much still. Some of my friends think it sounds like he’s trying to get back with me but disguising it as friends. He has had plenty of gfs before me, but our relationship had been the longest he had ever had by over 7 months. I know that he is not friends with any of his exes so I’m just wondering why he is being so adamant about us becoming friends. He kept saying “you are very special to me and I’d hate to lose you”. I just don’t know how to go about this in the right way because I dont want to be friends, I want a relationship. But the whole reason we broke up is because he said the distance had become too much and was making him too upset so I really don’t know what to do.
Help me, Chris!
Maya

October 26, 2015 at 12:22 am

Hi Chris!
My bf and I have been together for 3 years now we moved together within the first year and then I had to move overseas after a year and a half. Our relationship has always been intense and we always fought but it never lasted long. Since we started our long distance relationship we have been through ups and downs, we even broke up for three months and I dated another guy for a while. After we got back together things were doing good we decided to talk less on the phone to avoid fights and text more. At that time I also started taking antidepressants wich helped me a lot with my mood swings we got to see each other for a week and it we had the best time of our life together. Once I left I had decided to quit taking the antidepressants which I know is not something that should be done cold turkey but I just didn’t like the idea of taking that kind of medication and neither did he. It messed up a lot with my mood and I started to become very easily irritated. We got into a fight, just by texting, I started saying Things that I didn’t really mean and I didn’t know why I was doing that. Once I realized it was probably because of the medicines’ withdrawal I felt like a crazy person. I tried to explain to him the cause of my attitude but he was already so mad at me I didn’t feel like he understood. Every time I tried to make things better I just ended up making it worse and I kept saying very hurtful things. I tried explaining to him that he should be helping me go through this instead of making me feel worse. He kept on saying things that only made me feel even worse until he started talking about breaking up. Once he said that I felt like the whole world fell appart I was already feeling so bad so after he said that I said that I would kill myself and that my death would be on his hands because he wasn’t there for me when I needed him. Of course I didn’t mean it but I thought he would be worried about me and give me more attention. But no the only thing he said is ” your not stupid to hurt yourself” I stopped texting back so he would think I really did kill myself. It’s been a day now and he still didn’t text or called or showed any sign of concern. I know he really loves me and cares about me but when he gets mad he gets really stubborn and cold-hearted. I felt that I should start the NC but I don’t know if that would work if the last thing I told him was I will kill myself. What do you think I should do?
Lori

October 22, 2015 at 3:07 am

My ex and I live 3,000 miles away I am in California and he is in Florida. He recently asked for space. We dated last year for about 8 months and he broke it off, we went back and forth with communicating (mostly me). I drunk called him a lot and told him how much i missed him and he meant to me and this was when he was still in CA. He recently moved to florida for Pilot school like 3 months ago. Well before he left him and I were hanging out and he came by to say goodbye but our goodbye was so weird because we both didn’t want to show our feelings/emotions. Until one day I contacted him and he seemed uninterested so i kinda backed off for a couple of days and slowly started the contacting. We face timed one day and after that everything fell into place and we were talking every day non-stop until now he said he needed to focus on what he is doing (pilot school) and that it is a big opportunity for him and that I should focus on my stuff too because I have school,work, and dance, but he says he still loves me.. he just doesn’t want to focus on whats back at home (California) Well we both did put a lot of work into this relationship, but i feel like i put a little bit more. I called him more than he did, he said he wasn’t really a big fan of calling. He didn’t want to go out much with his new friends in florida because he wanted to face timed me. I am and still am his biggest support besides his family and friends. I give him good advice, motivate him and we talk about life… so I’m confuse on why he wanted to end things? I was going out a lot because I just turned 21 in August and I did post on snapchat about the bars and he did not like that or me calling him drunk at 2 in the am (5 AM in Florida) he didn’t mind it some times but usually he got upset. I feel like this space was my fault? We are both very stubborn and he is one of those guys where he does get jealous or will text me, but if i don’t respond he won’t call me or text me until i return the text/call… idk what to do! I am willing to do the 30 Day NC
Tana

October 21, 2015 at 6:19 am

Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago. We’ve been in a long distance relationship for 6 weeks, about a 2 hour driv . I know 6 weeks is not very long, but it was very intens . We both felt like we’ve known each other foreve . We also agree that we probably moved too fast, but it felt righ . Anyway, a few weeks into our relationship, his ex wife became very il . This added a lot if stress to his life and our relationship because he’s dealing with his very upset kids and not having time for me. We were still doing OK, but I really messed up this weekend. I hadn’t heard from him, and my text messages got progressively more needy and accusator . It turns out he was at the hospital with his ex and kids and came out in the morning only to get my texts. They made him understandably upset and he immediately broke things off with m . He says that he still loves me, but he didn’t have time to be in a serious relationship with everything that’s going on, especially with someone who is so needy and not confident enough in him to trust that his silence isn’t a sign that he doesn’t car .

I know that I messed up big time, and I know that the break up might have been a knee-jerk reaction to a tough situation. But, he says he’s sure this is the right thing to do and maybe someday when the situation is different, we can be together.

I don’t know what to d . I want to be there to support hi . He’s in a tough situation and Durant have a lot of people to lean on. I know I should go no contact, but what if he needs someone to talk to? I love him completely. I know it was only 6 weeks, but he says he really loves m . We talked about spending the rest of our lives togethe . I don’t know how to handle this situatio . I don’t want to give up on him, and he always said he’d never let me go, never give up on us and he just di . But, I spent 10 years completely alone after my divorc . I don’t want to push him, but I don’t want to wait forever for the situation to get better only to never get him back and end up alone again.
Margarita

October 20, 2015 at 10:04 pm

Hey Chris!!! I need some help and im sure you can help me!!! My Boyfriend lives in Seminole Texas and I live in Mexico. Yesterday he broke up with me. I still don’t know why. But ill tell you of some messages he texted me yesterday. He asked:”Is it ok if we dont date anymore? Cuz i think we would have more fun if we could have our loved ones close. Please i want you to have fun,and if you find a guy there that you like dont hold back because of me,i know this is something you didnt wanna hear. I love you,you are very beautiful and nice and fun im not gonna lie. I want you to have fun not just always have to miss your Boyfriend so much. Im sure there will be someone for you maybe even more special than I am. You deserve a very sweet guy and nice and I hope you’ll find him there. Will you do me a favor and erase all the pictures from me please. Im serious i dont have anyone in mind that i want. Its not that i dont like you I just want us both to have more fun. Please dont be mad.” This is how he broke up with me. We dated for almost a year and than he broke up. But in like a month he started again. So than we dated for 6 months and than he had to break up because of his Dad. We didnt text like one or two months,because he had a different girl than. And when she broke up with him he started texting me…now we started again in June and yesterday he ended it. Should i wait until he texts me cuz he promised he would still text me as a friend. Or should i do the “No contact rule?” I just promised him that I would text back when he would text me. Any idea I could do now? Im sure you can help me!!!

Margarita

December 5, 2015 at 4:50 am

Hey Chris!!! Its already been one month and 2 weeks that my Boyfriend and I have’nt talked or texted. He has a new Girlfriend. I just wanna ask you,do you think that there is a chance that i can get him back? Or is it to late already?
His best Friend asked me if i would wanna hang out with him when i get there,would my Ex get jealous if he new or not? Like i dont wanna mess up things so that he wouldnt wanna date me later. So what can i do right now? If you say that waiting is the best thing,than i guess i’ll just wait. But i wanna take your advice anyway,cause i know its gonna be better than mine.
Thanks for always being there,you are the only hope i have right now.
Thanks Chris!!!!
Margarita

October 22, 2015 at 1:05 am

Thanks a lot for answering!!! I’ll do the (NCR)…i thinks thats the best thing to do. I dont get it either that he wanted me to delete his pictures,but i still did. But anyway ill take your advice and later when the 30 days get over ill tell you what happend or what i can text him than. 🙂 THANKS CHRIS!!!
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 1:51 pm

Your welcome!
Chris Seiter

October 22, 2015 at 12:53 am

He said all of that to be nice, it his nice way of saying he wants to date a girl that lives closer. It’s strange that he told you to delete the pictures of him, almost like he didn’t want to get caught… It sounds like he’s going back and forth between you two. Definitely do no contact for 30 days.

kerise

October 20, 2015 at 11:01 am

Argh
It all seemed to be going fairly well until I initiated the Skype call
We were talking lots every day and being very flirtatious and all our previous arguing had stopped
But when I asked for a Skype call he first didn’t really respond, then said “I guess we could” but was really vague about when and wouldn’t make a specific time. Then he said he didn’t see why it was different from just typing.
I got upset coz one of the reasons we argued in the past was that Skyping him was very important to me and seemed unimportant to him aND his unenthusiastic reaction reminded me of that. I went off about how it is very different to typing for me and if youre attracted to someone you wanna see them.
He said “Yes I know you have this cam thing” and “don’t bring up old arguments” and “stop going on about it”.
I went to sleep very upset and feeling like he was making no effort and didnt care how I felt… but he initiated a Skype call himself the next day. Unfortunately we had connection problems and it only worked for a few minutes and we gave up coz it kept cutting out.
He still talked to me after and was friendly but has backed off a bit. Has started occasionally ignoring msgs which he didn’t do before, and when I said I’d like to spend time with him in person to get to know him better face to face (almost all of our contact has been online and we’ve never been together officially but have been close) he just said he “already knows me”, as if he wasn’t really interested. He’s been quiet for 24 hours now after we had been talking every day for a week.
I feel like i messed up and got emotional too fast, what do I do now? And how do I stop feeling so bad about screwing up?

kerise

October 22, 2015 at 3:21 pm

The day after I posted this, he suddenly got really mad at me when I expressed doubt about something he was saying, because I had heard a different version of events from two other people. He had a go at me about believing other people over him, refused to talk to me for the rest of the day, ignored me, then when I attempted to tell him the next day that I hadn’t meant it to sound like I don’t trust him, he said I should “stop justifying myself” and “just go do what I have planned for today”.

Does this strong reaction mean that he still cares for me or is he just defending his ego?

I’m sure it must be common when getting back an ex that their old upset feelings resurface at times and they get angry after they’ve seemed friendly for a while, how do I handle this? Do I just give him some space now?
Chris Seiter

October 22, 2015 at 1:30 am

If you want him back you should really be doing things that he likes not what you like. If he doesn’t like skyping keep it to texts and calls. Try to see him in person soon. Also talking to him might have been to much to soon.

Samantha

October 19, 2015 at 7:49 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We haven’t spoken the whole time. I did text one of his friends asking if he was okay, I’m sure he heard about that. So I decided to refer to that day as the first day of the no contact rule. However, my boyfriend broke up with me for weird reasons. We go to college two hours away from each other. I saw he slowly drifting away, but then I got mad at him one day and he broke up with me saying that he didn’t love me anymore and that he needed to be alone. Also that he felt too guilty when he was out with his friends because he wasn’t talking to me (I never said a word about that or complained when he went out. I wanted to but I was really good about giving him space) and that he didn’t deserve how I treated him. He had a relapse and is back to having a huge alcohol problem. He would always tell me all he wanted was for me to be there with him, because he was better when I was there. He even said that right before our break up. I miss him a lot and I know he’s not the same person I remember dating, but I am willing to give him another chance. He also broke up with me before college this summer, because he said he was going to party too much and ruin me and our relationship. What should I do?
F

October 19, 2015 at 1:10 pm

The 30 days will be up this week, but like one of your other articles says about the 30 days, he hasn’t really tried to contact me. I know he did once but in a way where he wanted ME to make the move to say something, but I didn’t.
The first couple weeks were easier but I’ve been dreaming about him a lot recently and it’s been getting to me emotionally. How do I go about contacting him after the 30 days where he will respond well? Should I maybe wait longer than 30 days to see if he will say something, even though he hasn’t this whole time?
The reason we broke up was because he said he just couldn’t handle the distance anymore. So I know that he would be very hesitant to try and start something again because the distance won’t change for about a year still.
If you could help, I would be so grateful. I’m just feeling so defeated right now.

F

October 25, 2015 at 1:48 am

Update: He actually just texted me today. He said “Hey I just wanted to say I hope you’ve been doing really well”. I haven’t responded and I think I’ll wait a day or two before I do. I don’t know what I’ll say yet though.
F

October 24, 2015 at 4:50 am

Well he very much responds to jealous situations, however I know that mentioning an actual guy will not help. I figured I’d keep it vague to pique his interest and also bring up something we had wanted to do together before we split. Something like “I just saw ——(a scary movie we had talked about) with someone. It reminded me of when we’d watch those movies and you’d try to scare me during an intense scene to make me jump haha”. I know that he wouldn’t ignore my message because he really wanted to keep our friendship intact, I just don’t know how to start a dialogue that relates more to our relationship than a friendship.
Chris Seiter

October 20, 2015 at 9:49 pm

I think I should revamp this guide. I have a much different feel for LDR’s now since I have experienced one.

What text do you plan on sending him?

alice

October 17, 2015 at 4:29 am

Hi, i am now back and he msgd me saying he cant get over the fact he put his emotions on hold and there is no us to come back to, i havent msgd him back as i thought I would do 30 days of nc, im doing my best to hope itll be ok but he was so final in the last msg. Do i keep going? I am trying to be positive but any encouragement or advice may help. Thank you
Jane

October 15, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he couldn’t handle the distance anymore. We started out as a long distance couple both living in separate countries in Asia. We’ve met fact to face and those times we were together were the best times of my life. The last time I saw him was in August, because I had to move to England where I’ll be studying another two years. I know he’s the love of my life and I know he still loves me as well. The only hope I’m clinging onto right now is that I might get a chance to see him in two weeks for maybe a maximum of two days. It’s my only chance to win him back, or if not that then at least closure. I guess I’m trying not to talk to him till then, and he won’t know I’m coming, but do you think this will be a good idea?
alice

October 12, 2015 at 3:05 am

Hi, ive recently moved over to nz, supposedly for good. I was planning it for years and met this Guy during. At first i Saïd i didnt want à relationship dueto this travel plan. He accepted this, so he says, but moved down to my town. Maybe to convince me but I was so set in going i kept him at arms length and refused to allow my feelings to get in the way. During the two years we lived together and I pushed my date back but all the time saying we arent in a relationship because there is an end etc. However we spent alot of time together before i lLeft and he actes like he still loved me, great because i realised i had fallen in love with him too. However, i still went not saying ill be back. We spoke on Skype everyday for a few weeks then he Saïd he Couldnt anymore as he was hurting. I sent him à few long messages saying sorry and that i do want to be him but he bacame very angry and Saïd he didnt believe me and he has to focus on himself. I am now going back, he doesnt know when but does know. He Saïd he Couldnt make any promises but he will speak to me when im back but cant be sûre of the outcome. I have been reading the nc rule but I get back friday. Which will be 8 days of nc. I Saïd id msg when il back, can I break it for that? And any other advice will be great. I cant imagine being with anyone else and he is perfect for me. Thanks
Gabs

October 11, 2015 at 7:06 pm

Hi! I met my boyfriend in high school when I was a senior and he was a junior, we dated for almost two years. I stayed in my hometown for college so we got to see each other almost everyday, but he graduated high school and he moved to another state. We where both fine with it, a little bummed but we loved each other so much that distance didn’t really matter. He even asked me if I would marry him in the near future, he even gave me a promise ring, he had made so many plans for us. But as he got into college I felt he was drifting away and we talked about it and he said he was going to make it work because he loved me too much. I had bought some tickets to go see him now on his birthday and he was really excited for it, but then suddenly after one weekend he started ignoring me and told me it just wasn’t the same, something had changed and he didn’t want to deal with the long distance anymore. He told me to cancel my trip because it was going to be worthless, he wasn’t going to change. So here I am stuck with some plane tickets in hope that he would want to see me. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life, and I know Im young and have a long way but I guess when you know someone is the one, you know. I don’t really get what is going on with him we where so close always I was even doing a transfer to his university next year. His roommates aren’t the best supporters and he is really good lucking so he gets girls thrown to him always but I think if he really loved me none of this would matter. Please give me some advice I will appreciate it a lot.

Chris Seiter

October 13, 2015 at 12:08 am

How far away are you guys?

Is it a plane ride away or a car ride?

Elizabeth

October 10, 2015 at 6:23 am

Hello. I was just wondering if this would possibly work with an ex that lives in a different state?
We met online and 4 months later we were together(boyfriend/girlfriend, still have not met in person yet). We knew what each other looked like through snapchat and other social media.
Throughout the four months, we only had one argument. He wanted to buy me something and I thought it was out of line.
Then after we were bf/gf we started arguing more and more each month. We would break up with each other and the other would beg for the other back, eventually we would be back together.
The reason for that is because I was very insecure about my weight and his weight. I was much heavier than him and he had never met me in person, so he really didn’t have an idea of what I looked liked. Then I would get more insecure because of how his ex before me looked and how I looked. I would feel like such crap knowing she was completely thin and I was completely huge. I would get so angry at myself and take it out on him.
In June we started facetiming. And we were facetiming constantly. All through the night, all day before he went to work, just all the time. We never had an argument over FaceTime. We met that December for New Years. It went amazing. He gave me a promise ring and we went to see the ball drop. I went to see him. After then, he came to see me in February for Valentine’s Day, then he came to see me again for Easter(and our one year anniversary). Throughout the visit for February, we didn’t have an argument. But in March, we had an argument and I ended up throwing the promise ring he gave me on the nightstand and locked myself in the hotel bathroom. We bought baby clothes together and he was crying and I was crying. He shoved the baby clothes underneath the door to try to get my to open it. I ended up throwing the baby clothes too. I cried so hard. I felt like complete crap about it ever since that moment.
After that we were excited for me to move in with him, in a different state. He ended up coming for my graduation and a few days after we left to live together. While being in a new state, I didn’t have a job or money. My parents would help me by sending my money. When we first moved in we were perfectly fine. We were better than ever basically. I had a breakdown from being away from my mother and I kept crying one night. He was sad to hear me say ‘if I go back, we’ll break up?’. He was upset that I was debating on going back. But we both knew it would happen that way(breakup) if I went back. Of course, I said no I wasn’t going back.
I was there an entire 3 months before we actually broke up. Towards the middle of the second month is when we started to get bad. We were arguing all the time. I couldn’t find a job and we had gotten me a car so I could get a job. I needed a car to get to places(job, store, etc) and so we got the car intentions of me getting a job mainly. Beginning of the third month and we would argue every day. It didn’t matter if it was for 20 minutes or all day. We argued every single day. At the very end of our relationship, he said(texted as he was working) he wished we never started dating. I was crying hysterically.
My older brother flew to the state I was and we drove back to my home state. While we were driving back home, my ex was texting me. He said he was sorry and that he had to break us up because he couldn’t keep doing us. I kept saying I was sorry too. He said ‘you did so many bad stuff, I forgot the good’ and ‘maybe we can get back together sometime.’ Then proceeded with ‘I’m not gunna date or anything’. So, of course, I was insanely happy to hear that. Then we were talking about my graduation money, for the car, I put down. It was $800 and it was $800 to rent the moving truck and stuff. So we both agreed that since eventually we would get back together and I would move back in, he would keep the money until I was positive I was going back, so I could use the money. We kept texting and everything was going fine.
2 days after I left, he texted me he wished he had given me the hug I asked for before I left. Before I left I just wanted a hug. I’m a hug person. So I didn’t want to hear that he loves me or a kiss. I just wanted our last hug together. But he wouldn’t give it to me. I had to ask him over a billion times. Eventually he gave me a hug. But it wasn’t a regular hug. It wasn’t -his- regular hug, I should say. When he would hug me he would hug me like he cared. But he didn’t even wrap his arms around my shoulders. (He’s 6’3, I’m 5’5). I went to get my brother from the airport and we agreed he wouldn’t be at the house when my brother and I returned. So we both knew that would be the last time we would ever see each other. And he didn’t care, whatsoever, to give me a hug.
So back to me arriving in my homestate. I wasn’t crying so badly, because he and I were still texting. We never called each other and we never FaceTimed after the break up. A week or two went by and he stopped texting me. Just completely stopped. I ended up sending him a paragraph saying, basically, I hope he’s safe in everything he does, I still love him and I won’t love anyone else as much I as I loved him. Stuff like that. And he didn’t didn’t reply. Then I get a package and it’s a few of my stuff I left at his house. Since he wasn’t texting me back, I sent him a letter. The day after I sent the later he texts me asking if I got my stuff and that he was gunna send me $200 every week, when he get paid. And that I shouldn’t hold on to what we spoke about when I was going home. Basically stating we weren’t gunna get back together, right? So I broke everything we ever made each other. And I ended up texting him this long text. Saying how sorry I was for being so terrible and thinking he was always gunna cheat on me. How it wasn’t just me that hurt him, he hurt me too. How I wasn’t going for forget about him because everything we done together was the first for me(like changing oil to a car, he was the first I cooked for someone other than family, etc, etc). So after reading this, I think I ruined my chances of getting back together with him.
What I think I made a mistake is that he tried to hide 2 gifts I made him and when I found them, I took them. I think he would’ve been fine if I had left the 2 gifts at the house, for him to have. But since I already broke everything, I can only send him half of one and the other. I want to send those to him because it’s what he originally wanted to keep. It was notes behind pictures and a hat I decorated for him. I didn’t rip up the notes I wrote him, just the pictures the notes were places behind. It was a game gift. And he always wears hats so I decorated a hat. He always wore the hate I made him. I kept telling my ex to send me every picture he has and every note we wrote to each other. I felt like since he broke us up he should have any of it. But he hasn’t sent any yet.
So my questions are: Should I send him back the hat and part of the other gift so he could remember me and want to try to get back together? I have to send him back his socks that were in my dresser and his nephews toys that his nephew put in a box of mine. So should I just send them back along with everything else? Did I already made myself look stupid? Did I ruin my chances of getting back together with him? And he’s not talking to me, so does it even matter anymore? I would text him after a few days of no contact at all and he still doesn’t respond. Should I even try to do this? He’s not talking to me so I don’t think he’s gunna notice if I’m doing the no contact period and not talk/text him, you know?

Elizabeth

October 10, 2015 at 6:25 am

Sorry for the opening line! Lol!

Lana

October 9, 2015 at 5:43 am

Hi Chris

I left a voice message early hope u can help me, and sorry for my english i speak spanish , so ill try to be clear….

On Sunday 04 my ex bf of 4 years broke up with me bcz he said he cant do it anymore, the distance and stuff…..he came to met me in 2012 we spent days together they were amazing , he took a flight of 25 hours just to get here… hes from MI… i am from Chile…. i was in treatment for Leukemia and he was my support my strenght and everything, i got pregnant it was a month after he left Chile…. and i had to get a marrow transplant… we lost our baby… i went thru that pain alone….. it was horrible, i didnt wanted him to feel the same pain and i pushed him away so he couldnt feel my sad mood bcz i know he didnt like to see me like that.
Ok then after that we kept talking got back together, i was healing my pain a little, and then i won the battle against the cancer. We were happy, we met online in a 3D chat… used to spent hours and hours together, slept in cam, all day in cam when he dont had to work. He even brought me to the toilett Y_Y…. ok things went down, i started to create ( develop) in this 3d chat and i was most of the time busy, not intentionally i ignored him and didnt realize how much i hurted him by then…. so that made him got in contact with his ex…. and i didnt know. He hidden it from me for like 4 months till i found it out, he was all sorry and beggin, i forgave him bcz i love him and i knew in part was my fault to being distante and busy.
Frgot to say , he never had a gf before… i was his first kiss, first woman he touched, first everything…..i feel so special for it….. after we made up for it but he started to be cold…. there wasnt time for me anymore, but well i was developing so i let him to do his stuff…. he started to play a game online…..i was ok with it bcz it wasnt far me creating and he waiting so was ok to me….then he started to get more and more interested in the game….. there wasnt more time for me….. he just wanted to play so i started to talk with a few friends i made… he got jealous and accused me of talk to them more than him, then ok we fixed it again. started to play a game together all was ok. but he missed his game….. those years i’ve always wanted to go to visit him but always something happened… i wanted to go this year and move with him then in March my city got floaded, we lost house and part of the family…… then in September we got a earthquake 8.4… is like everything dont want me to be with him….he started to work more… before i used to ask him to take a day off and he did it… last times i almost had to beg, is like he dont wanted to be with me anymore. he started classes for work…. then started with guitar lessons…. we had dreams we wanted to go with our back packs around the world….. but then on sunday he just told me he cant do it anymore….. that he DOESNT love me anymore but just 4 days ago i posted a song in his fb and he replied that he missed me in his arms….. Now what………… Last night i spoke to him and bingo….. he said he want to start a relation with someone he met in that game when i pushed him away???????? that shes from the same town but that he doesnt know in rl he just want to start something with someone else…..

I told him i can go there in 2-3 weeks… he just told me to dont… i dont know what to thing, a few hours ago he deleted his fb….. yesterday he changed his profile pic were he was with me kissing ;(

I really love him Chris i need help, i cant let go 4 years …. but i am willing if i have to …
Im thinking in just go and hear from him looking at me to say that he doesnt love me anymore… ik that gonna hurt me…
he dont want to talk to me and i have done anything to him, others ” online” ex cheated on him, lied to him , used him and he was still friend with them after all that crap…. and i have done nothing and he just apply ignore rule to me….what i have to do , pls help me, my legs are trembling, i can barely breath…. i need ur help please

Lana

October 14, 2015 at 2:24 am

Pls answer i need an advice…. Should i go there and see him face to face after 3 years that we havent been in person, i need to feel his arms around me, even tho if thats the last time…
Chris Seiter

October 16, 2015 at 2:06 am

I wouldn’t do it unless it was close to a sure thing that he wanted to see you. Otherwise you will just be that crazy girl.
Lana

October 10, 2015 at 7:24 pm

Update : Found out that was true he tried to contact the girl on the game, yesterday he told to one of his friends that the girl got online in the game, he was so excited… i saw the chat myself…. im doing the NC contact but tbh honest i dont think it gonna work…. he have a new ilusion, and im just past for him , even tho i was his first everything…. I just wish he could be happy….. im letting go….

Mary

October 8, 2015 at 10:26 pm

Hi Chris!
The thing is, my (now I assume ex) boyfriend and I had been together for about one year, give or take, given the fact that sometimes he’d feel like calling me his girlfriend and other times he preferred to say we were “something”, just not in a relationship (pretty confusing, I know). Our relationship was a long distance one: we lived about 3-4 hours away from each other and honestly, it wasn’t that hard to see each other: the real problem was that he was too busy with college, so we would see each other every two months, more or less.
Lately he had been pretty busy with homework so I knew things were going to get rocky for us, but I said I’d stand by him because that’s what a good girlfriend does. I even offered to go to his place and help him with whatever he had to do. Everything was good until suddenly, one day, he stopped texting me every few hours like he used to.
I got suspicious, so I did what every girlfriend freaking out would do: texting him, sending him audios on whatsapp, and pretty much smothering him with questions such as “are you ignoring me?” and “please let me know everything is fine with us”.
He responded some days later explaining that he had a lot of things in mind and that everything would go back to normal once he relaxed. I asked him if the things in his head had something to do with “us”. He said he was too busy to think about us, and that somehow made me happy: I thought he just was too darn busy with college, and once he had finished his duties he’d be back to being the lovely boyfriend he had been up until then.
How wrong I was!
I continued to text him appearing to be calm and cool (even though I was a mess on the inside and the outside), telling him I’d wait, that I missed him and that I couldn’t wait for us to meet again. I finished my texts with “I love you”…to what he didn’t reply with an “I love you too”. Like he used to. (Please note this is the man who, a week earlier, would say goodnight to me by saying “I love you and I always will”. Just when you think you know someone huh…)
Several days later, I got the dreaded text: he said he once loved me but the distance and his own problems (here I got the classic “it’s not you it’s me”) had worn that love away, and that he needed to be with someone he could see more often, that he just couldn’t bear with the distance anymore. Do you want to know what’s funny about that? I had literally asked him thousands of times to see him, to what he said he was busy or he had already planned to hang out with his friends; even more, I told him that now that he was about to go on vacation, we would see more often.
I insisted on giving our relationship another try. I calmly explained to him it WOULD work, because if distance was the problem then it was just about to be solved because we would see more often now that he was about to finish college. Still he refused to hear my suggestions, he wanted to cut things clean, he said I was making it too difficult for him to end things in a good way with me and that he wanted to remain friends. I said I couldn’t be his friend, I couldn’t cope with seeing him moving on with his life, without me.
I insisted on giving us another opportunity because to me, it made all the sense in the world: he kept refusing, saying it was over, asking me to stop before I blew things up for our relationship (as friends). I asked him to at least CONSIDER what I was saying, mull it over for a couple of days, and he still refused to do that. He could not even agree to at least think about it, I called him selfish. I suggested meeting casually, so as to start over in a more relaxed way. He refused again.
I decided to go NC but I broke it yesterday, sadly, because I saw something funny I felt I had to share with him (my closest friend). Big mistake. He answered as if nothing had happened, then vanished again. So now, I am in NC again. Day 1.
Part of me is decided to abandon every hope of getting back together, because if by the 30th day he still hasn’t texted me, I will be heartbroken. This part of me is telling me to move on, start forgetting about him and try to live my life as best as I possibly can. This part of me is also convinced that he is gone for good and he will not be back (although the first time we broke up he came back within two months, but we didn’t have as much history back then as we have now), that he will move on, find someone else (he even said he didn’t want to meet me again because it would kill me to know when he started dating someone else –he had already embraced the idea that he IS going to love someone else).
But other part of me wants to try NC and see if I can reel him in after. See if he replies after I text him to catch up and we start chatting like two friends would, then ask him to go see a movie we both like, and who knows, maybe leave him in awe at how good I will look in a few months when I have lost a couple of pounds.
I can’t decide whether to let go of the idea of us getting back together or giving NC a try. For the time being, I don’t plan to talk to him for as long as I can (a month or two) so I can start healing myself and try to find a way to live as a single woman. We are still friends on Facebook, but I have unfollowed him so his updates won’t show up on my feed, and I think he has done the same.

Do you think at some point he will feel curious about my life and peek a little into my Facebook profile to see what I’m up to? Do you think he will miss me? To me, it feels like he has completely moved on (as he has told me plain and simple that he just doesn’t love me anymore, which hurts like hell) and won’t ever again attempt to find out what’s going on in my life.

Thanks for the advice!

Alice

November 1, 2015 at 6:37 am

We’re pretty much in the same situation, so I understand how you feel :/
Mary

October 8, 2015 at 10:33 pm

Also, I’m afraid that if I completely ignore him for a while he will think I have moved on with my life and forgotten about him, which is exactly what he asked me to do on his breakup text. Maybe if he sees I don’t attempt to talk to him he will think things are better off that way…what should I do?

Louise

October 4, 2015 at 9:21 pm

Hi Chris!

I’m 19 and live in London, England. I was in a long distant relationship with a guy who lived in Miami, Florida. We were 4425 miles away and were together for a year (20th Feb 2014 – 14th Feb 2015). We met on the 16th of February 2014 on MeetMe and we had a strong connection form the first conversation. We texted, Skype and FaceTime everyday. We really were in love and he was the first guy I ever was in love with and call my boyfriend. He came to London to surprise me on July 2014, that was the first tie we ever say each other face to face. But, the day we broke up was the day my heart broke, too. He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle the distance anymore and i understood. But what hurt the most was that he also met someone else. I felt like I failed as a girlfriend and thought I would never be good enough for anyone or be worth the wait. He asked if we can still be friends and forgive him, and I did. After four months of being broken up I went to Miami (I booked the trip before we broke up) and spent the week with him. However, while I was in Miami, I saw the real him, the side I didn’t like, such as he would text and call other girls while I was with him, it made me feel invisible. Yes, we did have fun together that week, but there were some times where I was thinking “why did I come here?”. I also took the blame for something that happened with his best friend, something that wasn’t my fault. He told me he can’t forgive me for something that happened when we weren’t together, but I forgave him for emotionally cheating on my while we were together. The reason I took the blame was because I knew they had their ‘bros before h*es’ pact, and I didn’t wanna stand in his way anymore, I want him to be happy, even if it means I can’t be in his life at the moment, which the feeling of that kills me everyday. He said he didn’t wanna talk to me right now, and I respect his decision. It’s October and we haven’t spoken in 4 months. I still love him, and miss him so much but I think no contact will be good for us, at least for now. What’s so hard is that my friend wants to go to Miami next Summer, but that’s where he lives. I honestly would do anything for him, I just wanna know when is it the best time to reach out to him again. I miss talking to him, I miss what we had, most importantly, I miss having him in my life. Should I go to Miami? If I go, should I try and avoid him? When should I reach out to him? How should I contact him? What do I do? Should I give up?

Thanks 🙂
SHEVAWN

October 1, 2015 at 3:32 am

Hello Chris,
I am NCing my Boyfriend of a year and a half. He has been the greatest boyfriend. He pursued me for 8 months long distance. Calling almost every week of which I refuse to pick up the phone to speak to him at the time because I did not want to have a long distance relationship. I always felt that they were too hard. I finally gave in and started to speak with him. He owns his own radio station so money is not a problem for him. I will explain why I am mentioning this later. He had asked over and over for the next few months to come visit and I resisted. I would always make up an excuse. I felt safer keeping him at bay because I knew if he came to see me I would fall for him. He is very charming and good looking. Ok ….here is what happened. He knew I was traveling cross country to see my mom. He arranged to change his flight to Denver to cross paths with me at an airport in Houston just so that he could see me. When I got off the plane he was standing there. I was pleasantly surprised and impressed. He waited with me until my next flight and he took off for Denver. I am telling you how much trouble he put himself through just to see me. The conversations continued for the next four months and they were deep and heartfelt and long. He flew out to Los Angeles for just a day to see me again and flew back to his home the next day. Now tell me who does that? The next month…he flew back to LA again to take me to a play and flew back within two days. It was a great visit. By this time we are intimate with each other. From that month on he arranged flights for me to come to see him almost every month. He took care of me , my travel and hotel. He set up different events like plays and concerts for us to attend. Somewhere in all of this I was wondering when is he going to ask me to marry him. I expressed that I was not interested in dating him all my life. I would never bring up marriage but I really wanted him to let me go if his intentions were not to marry me. I would never bring marriage up just that we should figure out what is best for us or allow me to find what is best for me. He always stated that he wants us to be together but the finances of his station is owning him at the time and if I could be patient. This issue has always be a thorn in our relationship. I want to be with him daily and I was just tired of the travel even though he was taking care of it. After a while I noticed that his text messages were getting shorter and shorter but he would still send for me to be with him. He said he feared that because of this issue he knew or felt that he would loose me someday. That I am not patient enough to with stand the distance issue. He would always talk about how much he loved me and I him.

This is where things blow up. My visit to him a few weeks ago to Dallas this time was wonderful the first day. In the morning he showed me pictures of his son on the cheerleading squad. At that moment a call came through and he quickly covered the name. I became suspicious but played it cool. I heard him mention he got nervously busy trying to play it off. I kept calm and just enjoyed the rest of my visit. The last day before leaving while he was in the shower, I curiosity got the better of me. I have never done this before but I had to know. I went into his phone and saw the text message that said BABY, I WAITED FOR YOUR CALL’…The women was beautiful and trim. I am the same build so I know he was attracted to her. He likes women who are petite and take care of themselves. I asked him about it and He said haven’t I had men approach me and it is nothing more than friends. I said yes but i don’t entertain them and they don’t call me baby. Apparentely there is a relationship going on here. I expressed in a calm voice that i will not becoming back. I was hurt. He took me to the airport and chose to stay with me until my flight left watching me until I got in the flight. When I landed he stated that He could never forgive me for violating his privacy, this is something he would never do to me, take care. I wish you the best. I wish him the same. I started NC the next day before I even heard of your program. I have been in NC 6 days before I bought your program. Where did I go wrong , should I give up and is there any hope? I love him so much but will not tolerate this. I want him to get to a point that he misses me so much he will ask me to marry him without any prompting from me. Its got to be his idea about marriage. I am now in day 8 of NC and he hasn’t even tried to call or text not that I would answer but at least for my ego I wish I knew but there is not attempt. I feel like its over. Any advise would be great Chris. PLEASE RESPOND I FEEL SO SAD!!!!

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