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Elizabeth
March 31, 2016 at 4:03 am
Hello,
I’m 5 days in to NC. I have been with my boyfriend 4 yrs total, 8 months LDR. Recently I found out he cheated on me with another woman. When I confronted him via text and asked for an explication he completely shut down and has not spoken to me since. I have decided to cut him out of my life. I deactivated my FB and blocked his #. Problem is I’m pregnant with our second child and it’s high risk. Also our first child will soon have a birthday in a few weeks. How should I go about NC? We previously communicated at least twice a day and we visited each other regularly about every 2-3 weeks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 10:03 am
HI Elizabeth,
Whatever lowers your stress right now do it for the baby.. But do it with as much as logic as you can. If you can’t talk to him, just be silent for now. Then unblock him if you need to tell something to him regarding the children.
jb
March 31, 2016 at 1:54 am
HI,
My boyfriend and i were only dating 2 months before the long distance started a month ago. We have pretty much been inseparable since we started dating and never once had a disagreement. We talked about him going away for work for a few weeks before we collectively made the decision. He’s been really good about keeping in touch everyday until 5 days ago. Our phone conversation went from him saying how much he misses me, to the line going dead (sometimes the service where he is is awful). I havent heard from him since that phone call. He hasnt responded to my texts or his other friends texts that i talked to. I tried calling once a day and he didnt answer, but he has opened my snapchat twice now. No idea what to think. He is currently traveling with is best friend from the states to canada and i know they havent seen each other in over a year and like to go on benders for a few days. He never texts when hes drunk. So its likely thats the issue. But im not sure what the best steps are to take since he hasnt responded. I dont want to be over bearing and hopefully avoid the whole “ex” part.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 9:49 am
Hi Jb,
has he contacted now?
Laura
March 30, 2016 at 3:14 am
He broke up with me 16 days ago. A few hours after the break up he texted me ” I just need this time to see if I did the right thing. You’re the last person I wanted to do this to. Give me time to sort things out. Hope we can talk later. Please don’t hate me.” I didn’t respond. That night he sent me a snapchat but I never opened it. Does this mean the balls in my court? Has he not contacted me because I never responded? Do I have the upper hand?
Thank you
Laura
April 3, 2016 at 12:37 pm
I still haven’t contacted him. I’m thinking about contacting him today or tomorrow.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 9:24 am
okay! update us 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hi Laura,
yeah..have you talked now?
Rachel
March 30, 2016 at 12:35 am
Hello. My ex and I dated for 4 1/2 years before he went long distance for work. We broke up about 6 months after the move. The plan was that I was going to move down with him but because I had recently accepted a new position at work I was unable to move right away. Anyways, after a dragged out post-break up of talking then not talking I initiated NC. I completed NC on March 21st and have been following The Texting Bible. I have received positive messages and we have been communicating daily (I’m trying to make it seemless by using Tide Theory). I am only on day 8 of texting at the moment but I want to know around what day I should try to initiate a phone call and then (assuming the call goes well) about how long do I wait before FaceTime?
Thank you in advance 🙂
Rachel
April 14, 2016 at 2:46 am
Amor,
I was going to go NC for a couple days but he contacted me and the past three days we’ve had good conversations (even progressing to video chats). However, today (day 23 off NC) our conversation started to get emotional and he said he still isn’t happy but he stays distracted. I, however, made the mistake of being overly emotional and I became a bit of a text gnat. I’m not sure what to do next? Did I completely ruin my chances?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 12:02 pm
since you talked, that means the nc count has to start over…
Rachel
April 10, 2016 at 12:16 pm
Amor,
I am now on day 20 of texting. I have yet to initiate a phone conversation because the timing hasn’t been right. Recently I feel like he is having second thoughts about communicating with me because he seems disinterested (even when I bring up his favorite topics). What do you suggest I do to make him more interested?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 5:29 am
sometimes a rest is beneficial too.. try to rest from texting for 3 days..and try more current topics to use that you can transition to calls while texting.
Rachel
April 5, 2016 at 10:15 am
Amor,
I am now on day 14 of texting. I just want to know if it’s normal to be initiating most of the conversation? He has only contacted me first a couple of times. Also, I attempted a phone call but he was unable to talk. About how long do I wait before trying to call him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 11:20 am
it’s better if he does, but it’s ok that you’re initiating it. it’s better to transition to calls during a good convo
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 7:04 am
Hi Rachel,
that’s good you can call in your next high point convo and then you can try to make Face the next week after that
Nance
March 29, 2016 at 7:07 pm
I had a non exclusive LDR with a guy I met online. I think we both thought it was just going to be a fling but it turned into something where we both had feelings. We dated for 6 months but not exclusively. He was coming out of a divorce where he was cheated on and I know it had some residual effects. We would see each other and have an amazing time but then he would retreat a bit as if the connection for him was too much. I in turn would push him to be more open, not be scared etc. all the things I know I shouldn’t have done. I called it off but remained friendly. I started seeing other people and after a month he popped back up asking to see me and all of a sudden gave me the effort of seeing me that I had wanted all along. I agreed, we had a great weekend but he said he still couldn’t give me more and commit (work, rough divorce, distance, kids). When he left with warmth I told him I needed more and thought it best to officially split ways. We had nc for a month. I reached out casually and he responded immediately. We have been casually texting for about 2.5 weeks, had a call that was strictly friendly and our texts have turned flirty. We don’t have a time yet to meet although he said he would love to see me some time. I’m dating others and know he is too but I can’t get him out of my mind. My two issues are I want him back but also want him to be in the place where he is wanting to commit to exclusive dating even with our 3 hour distance. I’d love to try our relationship again but in a new and different way. I know he still cares about me and does like me but I need to take it to the next level and not sure what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 6:24 am
HI Nance,
YOu have to give it a time frame, if he doesn’t level up that means he’s serious that he really doesn’t want to commit and you have to be prepared to walk away because if you push, it would just be the same as now.
Angel
March 28, 2016 at 5:21 pm
My bf is in philipinnes and 22 while I’m 15 and I’m in saudiarabia I had been willing really hard for him to love and finally he asked me to be his gf I was sooo happy then after 4 months he started talking less to me somehow he told me it’s not gonna work then he was like we gotta break up but we an still be friends hmmm my heart felt like sooo tight as if I’m dying but I told him Okk but at night I just remembered him and I started crying I texted him back and pleaded for him to come but he ignored the message I texted him again later then he was like ” there are times I feel like cheating on u , and I don’t wanna that cuz u don’t deserve it , u will get a better man ” I told him I wanted him no matter what so he replied ” u r my online gf then but don’t get mad when I find another girl ” from that text I came to know he likes a girl which made me lose hope but I saw this site so I decided to go through it and I’m willing to do the ” no contact rule ” starting from tmr . We don’t skype or call unfortunately cuz I don’t have a phone but I’m willing to in the future just Plzzz say I have a chance Plzzz I need to get him back to me I will do anything anything to get him back , he likes a girl , I want him before it’s too late soo plz help me . I will obey what u say literally and exactly .is there a chance for him to live me more and take me as his real gf again plz help
Waiting. For ur answer
Thx
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:50 am
HI Angel,
The no contact rule can’t guarantee that he will be back because of that and to be honest it’s really a slim chance. Because you’re long distance, you have to have time, money and a plan on when you can get together, given that you’re young that would be hard. It’s good that he made it clear instead of just cheating on you. It’s really hard to love but if you want a healthy relationship, you have to have standards so the right guy will stay.
Pearl
March 28, 2016 at 3:45 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, after that he has contacted me twice after the break up and stated the he wants things to be how they were before and stated that he will give me a call later. He later contacted me stating that he loves me but he wants to be by himself, an concentrate on his studies at the moment. He further explained that he wants to handle it his way.
When he contacted me I begged for us to get back together.
We have been together for 3 years and 6 months have been LDR.
I started the NC this is my 3rd day.
Please kindly advise if there is hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:38 am
Hi Pearl,
Finish nc first. Try to build a new life and have fun.. Honestly ldr is hard, you have to have time, money, and a plan so, for now focus on you first before trying to rebuild with him.
Neha Sawant
March 28, 2016 at 8:41 am
hi
i have been in relation with my bf for last 5 years, 4 years we were together n 5th year he went abroad for job, since the time he left to abroad he refused to commit, i tried being in contact with him even when he ignored me that was in month of september – october 2015, in month of november decmber i said i am goin away from your life, i did not contact him for around a month n he contacted me, our communication was not too smooth n he always refused to have future with me, n now he is telling me he has new gf. i am broken, what i can do ??? plz help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:28 am
Hi Neha,
if it’s still long distance and he’s with a new girl, it would be hard to get him back.. It’s a very low chance. Either you wait or you move on.
Nikita Mahesh Narvekar
March 28, 2016 at 8:32 am
hi
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:27 am
HI nikita!
Ash
March 27, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Hello chris/amor ,
I am 25 yr old graduate student who is graduating this year with hopes to start medical school next year summer. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years ( 8 years in September). a few days ago I told my bf that I wanted to talk with him (I know the LDR has been hard for both of so I was planning on moving to his city because it was close to the two medical schools I will be applying to and my job as an office up there I can transfer too). Ever since I said that he stopped talking to me and for 4 days I didn’t hear from him. I never got the chance to talk to him because I thought at first that he was just going through a stressful time. A few days before he was saying how he hated living with his mom and it was making him depressed. I will admit that I freaked out after day 3 because it was unlike him to ignore me like that. He use to do
that when he was feeling emotional and then he would explode but he hasn’t done that in a while. When I freaked out I accused him of cheating and now I’m hindsight I realized how stupid that was. In the past I use to worry about that because our relationship was instead but until this point I didn’t worry about it. I had confidence in myself that if it ever came to that, I was better off without him but I guess during those few moments I forgot who I was. We ended up blowing up and he said he wasn’t happy with me, I wasn’t right for him and a lot of hurtful things to me. During the fight I told him what I wanted to talk about and then towards the end he asked me to call him. I was too upset that night so I didn’t. The next day I contacted him but he was working so he never got back to me that night. This is what he told me “I’m home now, if u want to call and say wat it is u wanted to say about ur idea to move to jville then go ahead…I jumped the gun
yesterday, I should’ve let u say that part first then explained y it wasn’t going to happen but I was mad because u put it on me for not talking to u wen it was u that said u had something to say and then didn’t say it”
I met my boyfriend in college and we were physically together for 4 years and long distance for 3. The only reason why it’s been so long is because I needed to finish my graduate program and apply to medical school. He broke up one time before in 2014 because the distance was too much and verbatim said everything he said to be in our recent argument. After 4 months of breaking up and me not speaking to him for a few weeks, he came back and said it was stress from his home life and his job. He said that he was being overly emotional and apologized for everything he said and that he wanted to be with me no matter what. Now here we are, a year and a few months later with the same thing. I love him and I’m doing my best to finish my program early and move. What should I do? I’d like to get him back and I haven’t spoke to him in 4 days so far.
– Pre-Med and Pretty Confused
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:54 am
HI Ash,
if you can talk to him calmly about that then better, if not do nc first to reflect and heal.
Carolina
March 27, 2016 at 5:29 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for over two and a half years; a year and a half of that time being long distance. Things were great this past summer that I got to spend with him in Canada, but things just started to go downhill after I had to return to the US. Although long distance is difficult we are always in sync when we are together in person. We even spent what seemed like a wonderful Christmas together in Aruba only for him to break up with me two weeks afterwards. Before the breakup was terrible he talked to me as if I meant nothing to him and ignored me for two weeks in hopes that I would break up with him. He is just not being himself and has beeen shutting out everyone close to him including his family. I am moving back to where he lives which is my hometown for work purposes so the long distance will no longer be an issue in two months. After the break up he really wanted to be friends, but I would be the only one to initiate contact and he would still talk to me as if I was nothing. So then I found this website and did no contact for a full thirty days. The only time he contacted me was through his mom’s phone (his mom and I have known each other for a long time and are very close) and sent me pictures of himself and his mom which I proseeded to ignore as I was in no contact. After no contact I followed your steps and did the reach out text which he responded neutrally so I endeded the conversation. Then he messages me asking if I had called, which I hadn’t, and we talked for a bit even proceeding to tell him a funny story that he was a little bit more resposive. Even though that conversation was outside of the plan I then sent him the meme text to see if he would respond. He did only say saying that he had seem it before and I tried to start a small conversation out of it only he was giving short replys so I ended the conversation. A few months prior to this I started a Twitch account where you can livestream games or in my case creative projects. A few hours after my failed meme text conversation I decided to start streaming a painting I was working on and I was enjoying myself and talking to the people watching, I even had seventeen viewers at one point. My Ex then proceeds to watch the channel and harass people in the coments to the point where people start to leave. I got really upset and turned off the stream because I felt so over whelmed. A few minutes after turning it off he spams me with texts applogizing claiming how nice it was to see me happy. We talk for a bit and he even asks to skype with me which was so out of the blue and we did talking for about an hour like nothing had ever happened. I try to end the conversation while its a a high point and a few mintues later he send me a text telling me how nice I looked that night. I told him thank you and he asked if we could talk for a few more minutes to which I said yes only for him to claim that all of a sudden he was tired and off to bed. The next day I was having some problems with my twitch channel and he helped me set it up and even chatted with me for a bit and I thought things are going great. A few days later I try to go back to the plan and send him a remember when text only To respond with “nice”. I havent talked to him since and I know that I messed up by talking to him so much and not following the plan but I don’t know if I should redo no contact and start again or where to start the plan again. Please help 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:50 am
Hi Carolina,
Are you back in nc now?
Pascale
March 26, 2016 at 6:08 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve been following you’re ebooks the ex recovery plan and the texting bible and so far things have been going extremely well. We’re now at the point were he’s the one that’s always initiating contact by texting me throughout the day and calling. My problem is that I feel like I came across too eager and emotional in one of our conversations. He started asking about a guy he saw me in a picture with and I could tell he was jealous. I put his mind at ease and now I feel that he’s not scared he could lose me. I guess my question is what response should I give him when he asks about guys or when he starts questioning who I’m meeting up with. We dated for 3 years so he knows my circle of friends although now we are in a long distance relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 2:32 am
HI Pascale,
YOu can answer that’s he a friend that you did (activity) with.
Jacqueline
March 26, 2016 at 3:30 am
Hey,
My story is kind of long, but I will do my best to shorten it as much as possible.
I’m currently 19 (will be 20 later this year), so I just thought it would be helpful to know. Me and my ex (obviously LDR) have been together for about 6 years. During the 5th year, we arranged plans to meet up.
–Something I’d like to stress to you is that he’s currently 28 (2016), because I understand that men (especially) go through different stages of their life as they age. I’ve been told that 30 is when the majority of men would like to settle down.–
As I was saying earlier, we met each other in person for the first time annnd… it was rougher than I imagined it to be. It wasn’t him. It was the way I acted. Basically, I thought that entire time that he “had ulterior motives”. Like he wanted more than just me… of course, I was wrong. In the end, he moved back to his state, due to issues with his family, and being that he became his mother’s only caretaker.
When he got back, he wasn’t texting me as much as he used to, so I immediately thought he was doing something darker than normal. Wrong again. And that’s when he broke up with me.
From the weeks we talked over the phone as JUST friends, became months of him trying to avoid me and insisting he doesn’t love me.
The last time I started texting him again lasted 2 months, until he cut my line completely. It’s been 1 month that neither of us talked to the other and I’m a little worried. He’s an extremely mature guy that knows what he wants…
To be honest, if he found a girlfriend, it would hurt, but it would be nice if he didn’t feel it was working at some point with them, and came back to me. My greatest fear is that he will never want anything to do with me again, despite him cutting my line for who knows how long.
My question is, could it still work between us in the nearby future?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hi Jacqueline,
To be honest, if he has been avoiding you for months and now cutting your line, that means it won’t be in the nearby future. You’re chasing him and he knows it. Unless he really sees someday that you’ve totally moved on, then that can be a chance that he would want to be friends again
Jm
March 23, 2016 at 9:01 am
Hi, me and my ex boy friend broke up 3 months ago and we doing the LDR but even if that 3 months broke up we still keep in touch, we always asking each other if we find or how we both doing. He also ask me if i’m interested with someone, we have this ok relationship but suddenly his gone and i thought maybe he wants now to move on or he have someone he likes. But suddenly i receive a message that he said his busy and lot of things to do, i reply but right now his gone again like ignore my message. i dont want to message him again or asking if his ok, i have this big pride before i thought he want us back again because he send me a letter for my birthday and sweet to me, i dont know what his thinking, its the NCR is effective and gone too? i dont know what to do, its like his the one holding this friendship and if he dont want he can easily forget and leave. im so hopeless here… tell me what should i need to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 5:37 am
If he didn’t message throughout last week and you didn’t try to message him too, try this week. But if you tried and he didn’t replied stop for a week and then message him.
Anna
March 22, 2016 at 10:36 pm
Hi
I’ve read your articles, and this one in particular was really helpful. I met my ex on a social media site 8 months ago and we communicated for a couple months until I eventually met him. We got along well and shared lots of things in common. But the relationship changed after awhile. We argued alot about petty stuff, and I started to feel insecure because of the distance. He’s a good guy and he’s always been sweet to me and I know that he loves me but because of the arguments he has refused to get back together with me and just wants to be friends which I’m finding hard to do. We talk everyday and I still tell him how I feel which annoys him and he then becomes mean. He even told me that he’ll be in the same city for the week and I asked him if we could hang out but he said that it’s not good idea. I’m so heart broken. I only got to have one date with this guy, It ended so quickly. I really want him back and I’m considering NC. Any advice would be appreciated
Clara
March 20, 2016 at 7:09 am
Der EBR Team,
thank you for some great helpful stuff…
I am beginning week 3 of the NC period, a few days ago bis mother had an important surgery, she is very ill. Now I do not know if I should ask him how it went. The break up happened 6 weeks ago, after 1 week i startet texting and calling asking to get back together , kept doing this in variations every few days for 3 weeks. I now see this was a big mistake… I am so not sure about the surgery thing because his reason for breaking up with me was because he felt I was not a strong enough person and was not strong enough to make him my first priority – which was actually true in this last situation but not before. To sum it up: will not asking make him feel I really do not care enough, although I have told him how much I love him.
Clara
March 20, 2016 at 11:32 am
Dear amor, thanks for the quick response! I have two more weeks, am only in day one of week 3, am so afraid he will feel i am completely “heartless”, but at the same time do not want to male grave mistakes again…. thank you for reading this 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 3:51 am
You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 10:07 am
Hi Clara,
I think it’s okay to just finish nc and message him about it after since you’re nearing the end
Ela Diaz
March 18, 2016 at 12:40 am
Hi! You see, i have applied the no contact rule and I have initiated first contact. My ex responded very good, but we haven’t had a real conversation with him apart from that. He always responds my messages a few hours later and the last time told me that he couldn’t talk to me because he receives my messages too late. The truth is that I don’t know if he is just making an excuse for not talking to me, because is not the first time he uses that. I don’t know if I should give him more time to response or how many days should I wait before I try to talk to him again.
Sometimes I feel that he is not going to try to talk to me, and I don’t know how to make him be interested in me again. It’s really hard because I can’t figure out how to balance everything, because I feel that he always gives me neutral responses, not rude, but he doesn’t seems very interested either.
Ela Diaz
March 20, 2016 at 3:49 am
Yes he has. But now he uses it all the time. Sometimes he responds no one of my messages, and then gets lost for 1 or 2 days without saying anything. He comes back, we talk and he does the same thing again. It’s almost like a cycle.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 9:51 am
awww..either he’s telling the truth or he’s just making an excuse because he doesn’t find it knteresting to talk 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:22 am
Hi Ela,
what do you mean that he has used that reason already? Even when you were together?
Bella
March 17, 2016 at 11:04 pm
Hi,
So me and my ex broke up about 4 weeks ago. its been a year since we started our long distance and we have been through so many break ups since then but always managed to work it out and be together. I am always the one pursuing him and now that i am being the NC rule, does this make him happier?? he has asked me to stop messaging him and keeps blocking and unblocking me. We have been together for three years, one which we began the LD. He has also told me he has been seeing a girl the first two days we broke up. Does this mean that he has moved on if he has not sent me a txt by the 10th day of the NC rule??
Bella
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:06 am
Hi Bella,
if he has long known the other girl, he may have moved on to her before he weven broke up with you.. and also they might be in the honeymoon phase
Bella
March 17, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hi,
So my boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. He has been blocking and unblocking me constantly and I am not sure where his mind is at. We have been through so many break ups since we started our long distance for about a year now. I have made a commitment to see him every 6 months at least and so far i’ve been doing that. I am the one who always pursues him so now that i am doing the NC rule, does this mean he will be happier and move on? what if he does not text me by the 10th day? Does this mean he has forgotten about me? He has told me he has been seeing someone but its not intimate 🙁
Barb
March 17, 2016 at 10:17 pm
Hi EBR team!
I feel that my case is hopeless.
We’d been in LDR for about a year. We met each other at work. He organized a month of trainnig for himself in my town and after that month he realized that “it’s not working for him”. (He has been promoted so that training suppose to prepare him for his new job) Obviously he lost his attraction in me. I made typical mistake of a girl in love – I cared too much. He dumped me after all. I cried during that conversation, I told him that it’s always the same story etc. The next day I texted him that I would like try to fix it. He answered that he’s not sure if there’s anything to fix because he didn’t get in love with me. So I decided to not contact him (before I knew anything about NCR) and I asked him to not contact me at work to not make it harder for me. You’ll probably ask me, why do you want the guy who said that he doesn’t love you, back? I know how happy he was to spend that time together, I saw the way he was looking at me on first week or two of training, he put an effort to organise it – he definitely had feelings for me. He said he did… now I’m in 24th day of NC period. And he didn’t contact me at all. I’m scared because I don’t know what to do. All those “First Contact Messages” sound so needy for me. Do you really think that I should contact him first and send a message like this, if he left me because I was too needy. Isn’t it pitiful? Now he mooved to different place, he has a new job. Do I have any chance to get him back? Or maybe it doesn’t make any sence? Do you think I made too many mistakes before the breakup and before too? (Sorry for my english – that’s my second language) Thank you in advance for your reply!
Barb
March 19, 2016 at 10:57 pm
Hello!
It means that my case is actually hopeless 🙁
Thank you for your respond Amor.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:03 am
Hi Barb,
for me you should move on because aside that he lost attraction, he’s in a different placr now.. The only chance you got is to start as friends but if he still knows or senses you want to get back, he probably wouldn’t engage