6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,943 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Douglas

September 15, 2015 at 8:59 pm

I WAS DATING THIS GUY FOR 6 MONTHS AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT THEN HE MYSTERIOUSLY JUST LEFT. WE HAD HEATED EXCHANGE IN WORDS (MORE FIRE ON HIS SIDE THAN MINE) AND I SEE THAT HE WAS INSTANTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP. HE STOPPED BY LAST WEEK AND WE WERE SEXUALLY INTIMATE. I AM CONFUSED AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK. HELP!
Raina

September 13, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m hoping you can help me with something. I was with my ex for 3 yrs. We have a 2yr old child together. We split about 2 months ago and was he with a new girl like a week later. Pretty sure he had her lined up from work. He’s 40 and she’s 26. Of course he denied it then. Yes I did all the big mistakes. I eventually got a grip on myself and only had minimal contact with him. Until recently! He called me and was saying some of the things he missed about me. He did bring up our sex life in that talk. We ended up having sex and sexting. Yes he is with the other girl still. I know I shouldn’t of done it. He says he doesn’t regret what we did and thinks about it all the time. Could he really still want to be with me? I don’t want to ask him because I really don’t want to be rejected. Is he in a rebound relationship? I’m pretty certain he never cheated on me. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Nelly

September 13, 2015 at 2:27 pm

This article gave me some serious insight. We were together for 3 years and within weeks he started seeing his now girlfriend. We’ve only been broken up since June 4 months isn’t that long. This is really heart breaking although I’m the one who gave the ultimatum to break up. He swears that this isn’t a rebound when everyone including his own friends see it as one. This article helped me a lot, though putting a time line on things leaves me hopeful. Which I’m not sure that’s entirely a good thing. Even though I’m still deeply in love with him and this behaviour has really crushed me. Overall if for some strange reason this rebound turns into something more serious I want to have peace in my heart, and strength to truly be free to move on.
Liz

September 12, 2015 at 6:53 am

Hi Chris,

I would like your thoughts on my situation. My ex and I dated about 10months. I thought we were doing well. All my memories are good one. Never fought though we had a few disagreements we worked through. Then he tells me he likes me but doesn’t love me and wants out. I asked him to think it over and if there were obstacles we could work on to discuss them with me. We were on friendly terms and texted but five weeks after our breakup I find out he asked a new gal to move in with him two weeks after our break up and only four weeks since meeting her. We never lived together.

I am a 27yr old PhD with no debt, a great income, well traveled, stable in all spheres and well rounded. She is an illegal immigrant waitress with two kids from different fathers who got married online to move to the U.S. And recently divorced that man. She barely speaks English. He now calls her his muse, a term he usually used to describe me. He is a well rounded 28yr old business man, my equal I thought.

Since, I have had no contact with him but do you think this is a rebound? I want him back but at the same time it still hurts to hear how he went from all the potential of me to her. What are your thoughts?

My steps outside of the no contact have been dedicating myself to work, new travels, friends, fitness and updating my wardrobe, car and apartment. But what now?

Thank you,

Dr. Liz

Dr. L

October 6, 2015 at 7:03 pm

To answer the what he does for a living: I would call him a blogger but he owns a successful website that covers all news related to the auto industry.
Dr. L

October 6, 2015 at 7:00 pm

I wouldn’t describe him as arrogant but self centered yes. Lately he has been using people to get what he wants, to the point where all his connections have turned their backs on him. Update: she sent him to jail for domestic violence…then retracted it and said it was all a misunderstanding. He is still begging to go back to her and she begging to see him even though the judge placed a no contact restriction on them. i am still moving forward with my things but I still wish I could help him. I don’t see us getting back together but how I feel about him hasn’t changed.
Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:57 pm

A DR!

Wow, I feel like I should bow or something.

What does he do for a living?

Also, would you describe him as arrogant?

AMPARKER

September 10, 2015 at 10:58 pm

Hi Chris!

Thank you for the article… this helped put me at ease, I think. I’m curious about your take on my situation (like everyone else). My ex boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years and lived together for a year. We met and spent holidays with each others’ families, talked about marriage, kids, you name it. We had mostly mutual friends and really combined our lives together. We considered each other our best friend and were complete confidants and love outdoor sports so we have fantastic memories of climbing big mountains, skiing amazing peaks, etc.. The dark side of the story came in when he started a company and I started traveling more for work. We were more disconnected, but lived together and wanted to work it out. We were going to bed one night (after booking flights earlier in the evening for a trip to see my family in 2 months), and he said that he thought I should move to CA (where I was commuting for work so much). I was floored!! I asked him if he meant “we” should move, and he said “no. I’m indifferent to you moving now. I’m not comfortable in our relationship, I’m not sure I want to get married or have kids anymore, and I’m just uneasy about our relationship.” I was blindsided by what he said to me… after he just told me he loved me and we were cuddling in our bed. He suggested we talk about it in the morning, and I agreed (wtf?!), and didn’t sleep a wink, he still wanted to hold me tight, and I told him the next morning I was leaving him and would have movers come the next week. He didn’t beg me to stay, he just said if he didn’t think I would be happier, he wouldn’t let me go.

Onto the new girl. It has been 3 months since we broke up this way and he is now seeing someone new, which feels like a punch in the gut. Full-disclosure, I checked her FB profile (sorry, creepy I know), and she’s cute and looks fun and like a person I would want to be friends with… which sucks. He has been going out and doing things again, working less, and has even bought new clothes… I met him when we both made minimum wage in grad. school and he was starting his company and wore t-shirts with holes in them… now he has decided he needs a new wardrobe? He still lives in our house that we made a home in together, and to think of him there with another woman in our room makes my stomach turn.

I’m confused… is this a rebound? Or was he just so over me and our relationship that he is in fact moving on with someone new that he really sees a future with compared to me?

Thanks for considering responding to my post!!
Anonymous

September 9, 2015 at 12:15 am

Hello,

I read this article and found it interesting and helpful. I’m going through a lot right now, and could use some advice. I broke up with my boyfriend 6 months ago. He and I have been together for 9 years (we met in high school). I broke up with him because I felt stuck in the relationship and didn’t feel like it was going anywhere. A few weeks ago, I found out he is in a relationship with someone else. I am completely heartbroken, and I still love him, but I’m not sure if he still loves me. All my friends are telling me it’s a rebound relationship, but I’m not sure. Before we broke up we had a lot of great times together, and now I really want him back but everyone is telling me to move on and that I’ll find someone else who’s better. Last week I texted him for the first time in 6 months and told him that I missed him and was wondering if he and I could be friends (I didn’t mention his girlfriend in the message) but he didn’t respond back at all. By him not answering me back, is that his answer? Has he completely moved on, or is there still a chance for us to be together again at some point?
Gaby

September 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

hi Chris
My ex and i were together 5 yrs thoughout which he sporadically would tell me he had doubts about us. last year he broke up with me but came back a week and a half later saying he couldnt be without me. then in june he said doubts came back again and he broke up with me. we have been broken up for two months now. the first month we did no contact and the second month we went on dates together and things seemed to be going very well. we both made changes and he even told me he was falling for me all over again and that wed plan another date asap.

he left for a weekend at a chalet came back and dint contact me for another week (i did not message him during this time) then he messaged me saying hed been very busy but does not mention seeing me again. a week later i ask him what changed and why he said he was falling for me again and then somehow decided not to see me anymore without even telling me.

eventually i find out hes seeing someone else. but he tells me and his friends that he doesnt want a relationship, that shes not his gf, and he doesnt know what this is yet. he also tells me hes still in love with me but he has to figure out whether he can let go of the fear of having doubts again with me.

yesterday i saw them out in public (not sure if they saw me) and they were holding hands… i may be overreacting but it definately felt very couply for someone who says he doesnt want a relationship…

im so confused i feel like i should move on but i dont know how to. im still hoping life will bring us back at some point. but i dont understand if he says he still loves me and wants to be with me if things are different then why is he seeing her?

thanks in advance! sorry for the bible
Emma

September 4, 2015 at 7:48 pm

Hi! just needed some advice please. My fiance of 3 years broke up with me on Monday ( 4 days ago) he told me he wasn’t happy any more and that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. This all came as a total shock to me. we were 2 weeks away from signing the contract to our first home together and had a holiday booked for next week! he tells me he still want’s to be friends and would still like to go on holiday so we can really work on our friendship. He’s told me there is no changing his mind and he will never get back with me. Today we were going to hangout and play some video games together to give our friendship a try and to make it less awkward when were on holiday but then he cancels our plans to meet up with a girl he knows who he has been talking too since we broke up. He said he isn’t looking for a fling with this girl and wants to meet up so he can see if he likes her enough to have a relationship with her and wants to do this before she also goes on holiday. ( I know all of this because we have still been speaking) I’m coming to terms that we will not be in a relationship again and we have both said we want to give our friendship a real try as we were more like best friends than partners anyway but i just feel hurt that he feels he can move on so quickly and i have said to him that if he gets into a relationship so soon than i can’t see our friendship working as he will have someone new in his life who will take priority! i just needed some advice on what i should do because i want him to be in my life but i obviously feel hurt and vulnerable at the moment…. Thanks!
Chyanne

September 4, 2015 at 6:51 pm

My boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me suddenly one night and then started talking to a new girl not even a week later. He says he was unhappy for months, but he really didn’t show it at all. Just the night before he was telling me how much he loved me and everything was fine so this was out of no where. He met this girl through a mutual friend that he had just started hanging out with, he was hanging out with him the night he broke up with me actually. That same night he broke up with me the girl he is talking to followed me on instagram and he deleted every picture of us so it was like I never existed. Although he repeatedly is telling me how he doesn’t want to be with me, he continues to text me even when I open his messages and ignore them. Yet at the same time he comments on all her pictures calling her beautiful and a babe and even made her his woman crush Wednesday. I can’t help but feel like this is all a game and he’s secretly just trying to drive me crazy so he can do whatever he wants and know I’ll still be there when he’s done. What do you think?
yvette

September 3, 2015 at 3:02 pm

Desperate and Need Advice, please help me

I was in a relationship for 8 years with my first love, my first everything basically, we have a 1 year old daughter together and he broke up with me almost a month ago. He states that he broke up with me because he thinks I am a selfish person, i am quick to get defensive and he thinks that I need to work on myself. Our communicating issues have always been an issue, now i moved out of our apartment and back to my parents house with our daughter and i made the mistake of texting him all the time, telling him how much I missed him and that I wanted another chance. Now he has blocked me on all social media and through texting/phone calls.

He has even had the cops called on me twice the first time was because i slammed his hand in the door by accident and the second time was a few days ago because i showed up to the apartment being petty asking for the stroller back which I didn’t need.

Now I haven’t hit him up in 2 days so far and now he has this gf that he bough to my daughters first birthday and i want my family back together and I am willing to do what it takes to get him back and show him that I can be a better person.

I need advice to know if I have a chance of getting him back, but i have filed for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of our daughter, I didn’t want to do this at all but I feel that he hasn’t left me any other choice to do it especially because he kept threating me that he was going to take me to court. Please respond and help me, I want him back and our family to be stronger than ever.

He has only been with this new girl for 3 weeks or should i say since we broke up. PLEASE HELP!!

Paulina

November 27, 2015 at 2:06 am

Hi. I’m going through the same thing. 8 years with a 7 year old son. He’s getting serious with someone. I’m devasted.
yvette

October 21, 2015 at 12:50 pm

okay well here is my problem

I guess what i want to know is how to get my ex back and my family with our daughter back together after everything has happened. Also the fact that he has another girlfriend and she is now living with him in the apartment that we got together, doesn’t help. I am in desperate need of help to get my family back together all the situations you have don’t apply to me as much because we have a child together, been together for 8 years and he has a girlfriend. So I am just looking for help as I am desperate
Yvette

October 19, 2015 at 12:47 am

Hello Chris,

Can I email you the situation to be faster?
Chris Seiter

October 20, 2015 at 9:35 pm

You might not get a response though.

I am spread pretty thin and only have made a commitment to answer comments.
yvette

October 17, 2015 at 2:54 pm

cant wait to hear from you.
Chris Seiter

October 18, 2015 at 11:29 pm

How can I help?

I lost context of what we were talking about.
yvette

October 16, 2015 at 12:57 pm

Yes he is 25 and I am 24, he will be 26 in December and I will be 25 next month. Thank you for getting back to me ah I am desperate. If you need me to send an email with all the details I can, just let me know. Looking forward to hearing from you.
yvette

October 14, 2015 at 5:18 pm

Thank you so much for responding, I guess what i want to know is how to get my ex back and my family with our daughter back together after everything has happened. Also the fact that he has another girlfriend, doesn’t help. I am in desperate need of help to get my family back together all the situations you have don’t apply to me as much because we have a child together, been together for 8 years and he has a girlfriend. So I am just looking for help as I am desperate.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING AND CANT WAIT TO HEAR BACK 🙂
Chris Seiter

October 16, 2015 at 2:59 am

How old is he again?

Is he in his thirties or twenties?
yvette

October 13, 2015 at 1:07 pm

Hope you read this to respond, I really need help, Desperate.
Chris Seiter

October 14, 2015 at 1:08 am

What can I do?
yvette

October 3, 2015 at 2:23 pm

situation needs attention lol. Congrats on your baby girl by the way!
yvette

September 15, 2015 at 1:36 pm

PLEASE HELP

Louise

September 1, 2015 at 6:04 pm

Hello. Just looking for a bit of guidance really :).

Me and my boyfriend were together for 1 year and we had the best 1 year ever with loads of amazing memories.

Whist we was together his ex girl end ( mum to his baby ) would always do thing to try and split us up – eg tell me I wasn’t allowed around his 3 year old – send me nasty messages on Facebook.

One day she liked a picture of mine and I asked my boyfriend to text her to leave me alone and he refused. Long story short I was stupid and ended the relationship.

I did everything I could to get my boyfriend back – when we first spilt he told me to see how I feel in a few weeks – he was still coming to see me.

He was still promising to be my boyfriend again and telling me he loves me and marriage and children is only happening with me.

Then one morning he randomly told me to walk away until he was ready to come back. So I walked away for three weeks without any contact. He then text me drunk after 3 weeks telling me he loved me and he just thought I’d get over him quick. He asked to come and see me so I agreed only for him to never show up.

The last message I had of his was ill be at yours in a bit which was 5 weeks ag. Last weekend I found out he has got back with his ex girlfriend the mum to his baby.

I’ve asked him if he is back with her last week and he said yeah which I haven’t replied to.

I don’t know what to do anymore?
Any advise is appreciated

X

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:15 am

So, his ex girlfriend is the mother of his child?

Marali

August 31, 2015 at 6:29 am

Hi Chris. Well its been a month after the break up. We were together for almost 2 years. 3 weeks after the break up him and I talked (yes I know I messed up) we did pros and cons. Both of our pros outweighed the cons. . But he wouldn’t give me another chance (we fought over me being mean and saying things I don’t mean and him not putting effort in the relationship and not showing affection) and then he told me how “there’s someone else” but also said “nothing is happening and nothing will happen right now” yet a few days later, him and the rebound and a couple of their friends went to the beach for the weekend (ouch) and I find out today (a month after the break up) he made things official with her and asked her to be his gf. My ex isn’t the type to use females like that and wouldn’t be in a relationship unless he really liked them. . Which scares me. I’m 20. She’s 18 and has a 4 yr old kid. . . . He couldn’t even talk about children with me. Idk what to do. . .

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:41 am

Wait, she is 18 and has a 4 year old kid?

Seriously?

Something tells me that won’t last.

Amber

August 28, 2015 at 1:52 am

Dear Chris,

About two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me before school began. For some background information as to why, it’s because we never got to see each other considering my parents are really really protective of me and he’s needy. I tried so hard to see him outside of school, but he failed to ever notice since he wasn’t the one I’d be begging for a change of heart. Anyways, about two days before the break-up he went to a party with some friends and got drunk. The following morning he talked to me and said he was the worst boyfriend ever and he did something so stupid. I asked him what he did and he said that one chick made out with him while he was drunk. Obviously that hurt super bad, but I was glad he was upfront and honest with me to begin with. The next day we were talking and he said we needed a break because he said, and I quote, “I need to work on myself and be me. We’re not going to be breaking up, we’ll still be together.” I respected what he had to say and since I love him with all my heart I want to do what’s best for him and help him overcome his addictions in whatever way I can. However, the next day he said, “It hurts to say ‘I love you’ and never get to see you,” I understand where he’s coming from, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work…we made it work for so long. So he broke up with me…a few hours later he checked on me and I certainly had mixed emotions about talking to him at that time, he ended the conversation by saying he thought he could talk to me right now but he couldn’t and he’d talk to me later. Two days later, I was talking to a friend of mine, and she asked if I’d been on Facebook lately, I responded with no (the last time I was on there was the day he broke up with me) and she said that he had a new girlfriend. Hearing that information in such short time made me enraged, deeply hurt, and so confused. I then went on Facebook and tried to look at his profile only to discover he blocked me and he had his new girlfriend block me too. And he posts about her all the time, but it’s not like the way he used to post about me; he’d spam my notifications and comment on EVERYTHING I had, not to mention he also tagged me in sooo many things. What makes this whole dilemma worse is he goes to school with me and acts like I’m invisible and I didn’t even do anything to him. There’s the occasional time where we make eye contact and it hurts knowing he sees me yet I’m glad he at least acknowledges my existence you know. I’m super positive that what he’s gotten himself into is a rebound relationship, yet I don’t really know what to do considering I truly want to help him and be there for him in the way I want to be (he said I’m the only one for him and he was talking about marriage/our future together), but he’s not letting me have that chance. And he fails to see there’s times where I needed him too. I just have no clue how to go about this other than focusing on school and ‘healing’ although I’ve never been this hurt in a relationship before; it’s different. What might you have to say?
Abigail

August 26, 2015 at 10:14 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. We had been together for almost two years. He went to basic training this summer. Before he went to basic training we had a long distance relationship. We would talk all day and sometimes we would stay up all night. He wanted to FaceTime me every night but his mother put her foot down and told him to FaceTime only once a week. His mother is very controlling because she is a single parent but I just wish she would stop. I do like his mother a lot she is really nice to me but I don’t think she likes the fact that her son talks to me to much. I’ve been trying to get him out of the habit of him standing behind his mom for everything. He could never come down to my place I always had to go to his place. I didn’t mind going there because I wanted to see him so I just went. I am a little shy so I still haven’t really opened up to his mother and grandparents. We have had a lot of memories. He was my first real relationship that I had and I was his first relationship ever because he was mostly a book nerd in high school so he never dated. He is really smart other than he can’t spell very well and I could never get him to stop that habit either. We had a relationship like a married couple everyone would tell us. Whenever I was with him he would brush my hair day and night and also braid my hair. He would get up early in the morning and make me breakfast when we stayed up to late. Yes we did have some sexual contact with each other but we never had sex due to him knowing I was drugged and rapped when I was a preteen. He excepted me and respected me and I think that is what I loved the most about him because no one else could. Before he went to basic that day he called me at 5 am wanting to talk before he went. He texted me until they took his phone. So I am pretty sure he cared then. He would send me mail every other day and they were 3 pages long all the time saying how much he missed me and what he was doing and that he loved me. He also talked about how he wanted to marry me and start a family some day but he knew I wasn’t ready.
When he came back from basic I felt him slipping away from me. He asked me to have sex with him and I said no that I wasn’t ready so he started to beg me but I still said no. I did the no contact rule and the don’t text back for so long rule and I think I totally did it wrong. I think he thought I was talking to other people but i was busy and also afraid I was losing him and then he started to not talk to me as much anymore. We had an argument about him not keeping promises. I realize it was kind of stupid but I was just fed up with his promises and him always standing behind his mother for her opinion and never keeping his promises. I wish he would just grow out of it. He got mad at me for him yelling at his mom because he wanted to come down and see me and I guess she was about to kick him out but he knows he would be always welcomed to stay with me. He told me that our relationship was a mistake and that he couldn’t believe he made his mother cry because of me. He said we could be friends and that he would send me the gifts he got me before we broke up. I found out he was trying to meet other girls a day after we broke up. I asked him about it and he said that you are probably talking to someone too and I told him no because I still wanted to be with him. The next day someone I know told me they saw him with someone at Starbucks. When I found out I asked him about it, he denied it. When one of the girls sent me the messages of him texting her trying to get her to go out with him also, I was devastated because he never lied to me. He was always open and told me everything. I was instantly confused on what happened to him. I know i shouldn’t of texted him at all when we broke up but I was so shocked that he left me. I never thought we would end up like this. He is already with someone else and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. I do know the girl he is with and she has a boxing career and she is always busy.
I have read some of your articles but I just believe that my situation is a little bit different. I’m just wondering if we would ever get back together like we were before and if I could break some of his habits. But I don’t know how I would do any of of this. I just feel like he never loved me like he said he did and he doesn’t want me anymore. I know that he got pissed off at me when we first broke up but I’m just confused on what the future holds for us. I believe he knows I would wait for him but I don’t know if he does because he texted me two days after we broke up saying that he didn’t wanna be with me because he didn’t want me to wait for him when he went into active duty. I didn’t message him back and he knows I would wait for him no matter what, we already had that talk before he left to basic. I told him I’d be by his side no matter what he chose. I just don’t understand what’s going through his head. I feel like if he lets his mother not control him in our relationship, it would be better, if we would ever get back together. I’m just so confused on what’s going on in his head. I miss him a lot and don’t know what to do. Please help!
Abigail

August 26, 2015 at 9:59 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. We had been together for almost two years. He went to basic training this summer. Before he went to basic training we had a long distance relationship. We would talk all day and sometimes we would stay up all night. He wanted to FaceTime me every night but his mother put her foot down and told him to FaceTime only once a week. His mother is very controlling because she is a single parent but I just wish she would stop. I do like his mother a lot she is really nice to me but I don’t think she likes the fact that her son talks to me to much. I’ve been trying to get him out of the habit of him standing behind his mom for everything. He could never come down to my place I always had to go to his place. I didn’t mind going there because I wanted to see him so I just went. I am a little shy so I still haven’t really opened up to his mother and grandparents. We have had a lot of memories. He was my first real relationship that I had and I was his first relationship ever because he was mostly a book nerd in high school so he never dated. He is really smart other than he can’t spell very well and I could never get him to stop that habit either. We had a relationship like a married couple everyone would tell us. Whenever I was with him he would brush my hair day and night and also braid my hair. He would get up early in the morning and make me breakfast when we stayed up to late. Yes we did have some sexual contact with each other but we never had sex due to him knowing I was drugged and rapped when I was a preteen. He excepted me and I think that is what I loved the most about him because no one else could. Before he went to basic that day he called me at 5 am wanting to talk before he went. He texted me until they took his phone. So I am pretty sure he cared then. He would send me mail every other day and they were 3 pages long all the time saying how much he missed and what he was doing and that he loved me. He also talked about how he wanted to marry me and start a family some day because he knew I wasn’t ready.
When he came back from basic I felt him slipping away from me. He ask me to have sex with him and I said no that I wasn’t ready so he started to beg me but I still said no. I did the no contact rule and the don’t text back for so long rule and I think I totally did it wrong. I think he thought I was talking to other people but i was busy and also afraid I was losing him and then he started to not talk to me as much anymore. We had an argument about him not keeping promises. I realize it was kind of stupid but I was just fed up with his promises and him always standing behind his mother for her opinion and never keeping his promises. I wish he would just grow out of it. He got mad at me for him yelling at his mom because he wanted to come down and see me and I guess she was about to kick him out but he knows he would be always welcomed to stay with me. He told me that our relationship was a mistake and that he couldn’t believe he made his mother cry because of me. He said we could be friends and that he would send me the gifts he got me before we broke up. I found out he was trying to meet other girls a day after we broke up. I asked him about it and he said that you are probably talking to someone too and I told him no because I still wanted to be with him. The next day someone I know told me they saw him with someone at Starbucks. When I found out I asked him about it, he denied it. When one of the girls sent me the message of him texting her trying to get her to go out with him also. I was devastated because he never lied to me. He was always open and told me everything. I was instantly confused on what happened to him. I know i shouldn’t of texted him at all when we broke up but I was so shocked that he left me. I never thought we would end up like this. He is already with someone else and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. I do know the girl he is with and she has a boxing career and she is always busy.
I have read some of your articles but I just believe that my situation is a little bit different. I’m just wondering if we would ever get back together like we were before and if I could break some of his habits. But I don’t know how I would do any of of this. I just feel like he never loved me like he said he did and he doesn’t want me anymore. I know that he got pissed off at me when we first broke up but I’m just confused on what the future holds for us. I believe he knows I would wait for him but I don’t know if he does because he texted me two days after we broke up saying that he didn’t wanna be with me because he didn’t want me to wait for him when he went into active duty. I didn’t message him back and he knows I would wait for him no matter what we already had that talk before he left to basic. I told him I’d be by his side no matter what he chose. I just don’t understand what’s going through his head. I feel like if he lets his mother not control him our relationship would be better if we ever got back together. I’m just so confused on what’s going on in his head. I miss him a lot and don’t know what to do. Please help!
scarlett

August 26, 2015 at 6:40 pm

Hi, Chris
My now ex boyfriend and I were together for 10 years. We had broken up for 3 months twice in the past, because of his issues he had a drug addiction went to rehab and overcame it are relationship suffered from it bc I lost trust. But we worked it out he always used to tell me he’d never give up on us that when we were broken up he still considered me his girlfriend. Almost 4 months ago I broke up with him because I felt a lack on his part in the relationship I thought he was depressed bc he suffered from depression off and on. We still would text each other once in a while he would say that we would be fine we were going to be ok that he still was inlove w me and that he wasn’t doing anything bad that he wasn’t a scumbag that if there was someone eles he’d tell me so I wouldn’t waste my time. About 4 weeks ago I notice a female Co worker started posting stuff on his Facebook that was to personal I questioned him and he denied it said she was just a Co worker, about 2 weeks ago I noticed he was liking every post she would make. Last week I saw him outside his house asked him again if there was anything going on between him and that girl from work he denied it he texted me that I looked beautiful said he’d move in with me in sept and he was glad I stopped by and that everything was going to be ok we were going to be fine then 3 days later I had a family emergency I was sad and went to his house to talk to him he wasn’t there so I got a gut feeling something was wrong I found out the girls address went there and his car was there when I asked him why didn’t he tell me when I asked him he said because he didn’t want to let me down as for the girl I asked her how long it had been going on she said a week but I feel they were flirting at work and texting for longer. I’m very sad because I love him I don’t understand why he did this why he would tell me everything was going to be ok after Sept when he was seeing this girl already. I changed my phone number and deleted all social media. Did he love me? Is this girl a rebound? And why would he throw us away? Will he try to come bk?
Thank u.
Sarah

August 25, 2015 at 8:36 am

Hi Chris
My bf and I broke up about 2 months ago. We were still in contact and had even gone out on a date or two. He seemed genuinely interested in me and happy to be spending time with me, even initiated cuddling, and tried to subtle get me to kiss him, in which i was flirtaious back, but played a little hard to get to keep building attraction etc. Then I suddenly didnt hear from him for a week, where I found out he was in London (we are from NZ) with his exgf (who he dated on and off for four years, to which he eventually ended things). I was crushed. Not only did I find out they had gone to London together to visit his family, they are doing a topdeck trip that him and I had always talked about doing together.

I confronted him about what I had found out, and basically told him how I felt like I have been lied to, used and deceived. I asked him how long he had been cheating on me. He messaged me and told me that that wasnt the case, but that they had been talking when we split (possibly setting up a rebound before we actually split?). He said that he always wondered if he had done the right thing by his ex and that they were going to see how they cope on this trip and see if they work out or not…

Background info on the ex… Basically from what he had told me about her when they were together was she was always trying to change him. She used to make comments about his appearance (He was attending the gym a lot as was passionate about ‘bulking up’ – as he felt good about himself when he was larger) and she would tell him things like “you look disgusting, why cant you look like surfers” “you only want to go tot he beach so you can show off”. She discouraged him from doing things he dreamt of doing career wise, and basically just tried to control him to where it suited her, rather than support him in his dreams.

Me on the other hand has 100% always supported and encouraged him. We are both physical so take pride in our appearance, and Ive always made an effort to compliment him on his appearance and some of his kind traits (he is generous, loving, affectionate, ambious etc – all things which made me fall in love with him in the first place). He always told me how good I always made him feel about himself.

Fast forward back to their trip. Over the past few days since they have started their topdeck tour around Europe, he has messaged me most days, telling me how I am his ultimate girl and I tick all the boxes a million times over. He said the reason he ended things with me was because I was too good for him, i was caring, nuturing, loving, sexy, giving…and he said he knew he couldnt give as much as i gave him, and that I deserved to be happier than what he could ever make me.
He later went on to say That again i was his “ultimate girl, the girl I could only dreamt existed” and that he should have moved in and proposed to me (as we talked about doing) when he had the chance, and that he wishes it was me next to him on this trip right now. He went on to say how confused he is and doesnt know what hes doing at all, that he doesnt know what he wants.

He keeps sending me links to songs he tells me reminds him of me, and asks me to send him photos so he can see my “beautiful face”. Hes also told me he misses me.

I think hes genuinely confused. Even though he said he wanted to see if things work out with his ex or not, he keeps making comparisons to what we would have done on this trip if it were me with him and not her, how much more fun we would be having, and how much he wishes I was there.

I guess my question is, because she is an exgf with a lot of history – does she still count as a rebound?
Taking a trip around the world within a few weeks of “seeing how things go” (not actually being official – I asked) seems to be pretty drastic and I wonder if this is a desperate attempt to force something?
I know his ex has a way of getting into his head, and manipulating him by using his low self-esteem to her advantage, so I feel that she probably was a major influence in our breakup.

SO: 1. Is she a rebound?
2. How do I get him back for good?
3. IF we were to get back together, how can I tell him that she can not be a part of his life anymore? Can I even ask that?

Sarah

August 25, 2015 at 8:42 am

I should add that him and the exgf were apart for over 8 months before we officially started dating. And me and my ex were dating for over a year with a 1month long breakup inbetween, to which he came back asking to get back together stating he made a mistake in letting me go.

We did not fight, but any rough patches we did had generally was because his ex would mess with his head, or there were issues in his life with his family and his Cancer which he had and is now recovered from.

I love this man, and despite evrything – I feel that he is my soulmate in everyway. Ive had 1 other longterm relationship, but I never felt the way I do about this ex. I am willing to forgive him for how he has hurt me, because hes worth it, and I know how happy we had been and could be again.

anonymous

August 23, 2015 at 7:17 pm

i’m a lesbian, i have no idea if that makes a difference to this situation, however, me and my girlfriend were together for 2 and a half years, we rarely argued, rarely had any issues, we were so good together we were practically best friends, she moved in with me after 6 months due to situations at home, we were good, done near enough everything together, we were inseparable. a month ago we went to Paris, where both of us felt stronger than ever about each other, we were talking about marriage, the possibility of kids, everything. we were madly in love, no other words to describe it. about a week after we came back from Paris she had to move jobs, where she met another girl, I was okay with their friendship until I noticed they were talking far too much, so i began to question her on it, she promised me there was nothing there, she told me i was the love of her life, she couldn’t imagine a future without me etc, time went on and they were talking more, and she was still telling me i was the only one for her. she has had an issue with making friends in the past due to her trust issues, and she assured me she was just excited to have a new friend, and felt an attachment to her because of that. a few days past, and i had had enough, i told her i could’t play second best or constantly fight for her attention any longer, to which she broke down, clung on to me and begged me not to leave her, we continued talking and i asked her if she had any type of feelings for this girl, to which she replied she didn’t know, and she felt confused. she dropped to her knees and begged me not to leave her and that she loved me more than anything in this world. i told her i needed time to think. she went to work, obviously saw this girl and spoke about this, then came home and without a second thought dumped me. she told me she couldn’t see a way for us to fix this. a few days past and she told me she loved me and cared for me, but wasn’t in love with me. and no i am hearing they are not together, but basically seeing eachother. i can’t fathom in my mind, how we has such strong love for eachother a month ago, and now all of a sudden this. she wont talk to me, nothing. – Do you reckon my girlfriend has rebounded thinking she can’t fix things with me, she’s told everyone that this girl is so much like me and all that it makes no sense

Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:57 pm

Wow, that was a really nice trip! My wife and I went to Paris before we got married, it was a nice experience.

I think this new girl told her to be strong and to break up with you for her. Don’t worry the no contact rule works on most relationships including lesbian relationships. You should do no contact for 30 days. Does she still live with you?

Bruce

August 20, 2015 at 11:34 pm

So I’ve been dating this girl(which I think is the girl of my dreams) and with my work i unfortunately had to do a long distance with her for 2 1/2 months and during those months were hard for the both of us.. Particularly me.. While I was home, we spent every day together pretty much… We were very much in love. Talked about our future talked about living together.. The whole nine.. Well, while I was gone for work I guess In a way I got a little over protective and controlling and always tried to keep her in line and in contact with me with whatever i did because I always new what she was doing when I was home being that we were always together. But yeah, I steered her away becAuse she was getting off the fact that she had to check in with me all the time… This that been said… We just broke up and I found out she has been texting and seeing another guy… (An old flame… Not a serious one though) so yeah we broke up and instantly she is in new little relationship in a way…. I know for a fact it’s a rebound cause she’s givin me all signs of it. Texting me how she still loves me and she misses me and still cares blah blah blah but she says that it’s still really hard for her to get over me but this new guy has been helping her get thru the pain and heartache.., I don’t know if they are having sex or not but I know she doesn’t care about him like she did me and I know she’s just trying to get her mind off what she’s done to me… We are both very in love with each other but I know I’ve invaded her space and she just didn’t know what to do cause we would argue a lot about our reason for a separation… Now we really haven’t spoken much cause I feel like giving her her space to thnk of what she’s done to someone that cares about her so much will help her figure out what’s she’s possible going to loss soo My question is, I’ll be heading back home in less than a month and I have this huge gut feeling that when I do get home we’ll talk and possible figure things out and start fresh again. But since I know she’s been in this rebound relationship is it a good idea for us to start back up again. I’m worried that I’ll hold that r.r against her… Idk I don’t want to lose her and I can’t picture myself with someone elseX I know she’s confused and she can’t deal with this by herself soo what do you think I should do….
NO NAME

August 20, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Forgot to add that when I saw him the other day to talk about our house there was no mention of another person. We got on really well like old times and when we left he hugged me tightly for a long time, gave a happy sigh, told me I looked lovely and this was nice then kissed me on the cheek and lips twice. Confused!!

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