How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Kris

October 2, 2015 at 7:14 am

Hi Chris,

So my situation is this. I broke up with my BF several days ago. It was a second break-up, after the first he wanted to get back together a day after and try again. I had a lot of problems with our relationship, we were long-distance, saw each other as much as we could, but I needed more from him (mostly in our communication). I broke-up after several days spent together, because I felt he was completely distanced from me. We talked several times, me always presenting the possibility to break-up (without resentment) but he never wanted, he talked about our future etc.

When I broke-up he was very mean and said a lot of hurtful things, I cried a lot and at the end I told him that I just needed a bit more love, attention and affection, when he calmed down, said he needed to get to a meeting (I drove him to) and that he will give me back a CD he took from the car. I said that he can take it, he said ok and that was that.

I was feeling horrible how we left it, I wanted to part amicably. I do want to be with him, because he is amazing, but I know that we can´t because he can´t give me what I need. So, feeling very very bad, crying every day, I texted him saying how I´m feeling horrible how we left it, that I´m sorry if I ever hurt him and that I hope we can remember each other by the good things. He ignored me. I felt so bad, I know that we wont make up (he told me that we definitely will not be together when I said that we are over) but I don´t want to have a bad blood situation with him. He´s a great, cheerful and cool guy, I hate to think he hates me.

So I thought of texting him again, asking why wouldn´t he answer me, when I only apologised (and he was the one who hurt me deliberately a couple of time, especially during the break-up), since it is eating me out and I´m feeling like shit! I know I will seem desperate and hurting, but I was the one who broke it off and I don´t expect him coming back to me, I just want an OK relationship between us.
LD

September 29, 2015 at 11:33 pm

hi chris,
So my birthday was actually the other day and my ex texted me happy birthday but i was in the middle of NC so i didnt answer.. was that the right thing to do or should i have said thank you?
Janet

September 29, 2015 at 2:46 am

My boyfriend is a gamer , he likes playing pokemon and plays soccer . I really dont know what to get him

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:05 pm

Haha how old is he?

Stephanie

September 28, 2015 at 6:58 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We have been together for 7 months, but were connected at a distance on FB for 3 years prior to that. Being that we both came from hurtful marriages, I feel that we both likely got scared and pushed each other away. Walking through a very painful situation with my custody I became a bit more needy than usual, and at that time he was distancing some……thus we clashed and broke up. But we both expressed that what we had was wonderful and choose to remember those things. However, we did contact some the first five days after we broke up. I requested meeting in person for closure, he said that he is not ready to do that, and that he is looking forward and hopes that I will too. I haven’t contacted him back since then. But I do feel as if I said too much during those first five days. (Not having read your plan yet) I plan to implement the 30 days no contact rule. I’m curious, do you think us communicating some those first 5 days may have squashed any chances of getting back together, or will implementing the no contact rule strictly for 30 days there may still be a possibility? He has a very sensitive heart…..will not contacting on his birthday backfire or still be best? Although I had contemplated breaking up as well, now that we’ve had some time apart I truly feel he is the man I love and want to be with. But I’m open to the possibility that if he doesn’t feel he is the guy for me, that I will find the one that is……What are your thoughts?
Liz

September 23, 2015 at 4:36 pm

I’ve been doing NC on ex for a week and he texted me today asking how my mother is. (She is currently fighting cancer) should I respond or no exception? I have been reading your posts on the site like crazy and plan on purchasing the guide today!
Denise

September 17, 2015 at 12:40 am

Hi Chris! I just wanted to say thank you for the Kai v Sarah study. The no contact rule is serving me well!! I am committing to buy your fully loaded book bundle. I cannot wait to see what other golden information you’ve put together. Sending you and your family lots of love 🙂 Denise from Texas 🙂
Brittney

September 11, 2015 at 1:27 pm

Hi Chris! First of all, thank you so much for all you do! So I made it to day 23 NC, that night I ran into my ex’s new/old girlfriend at the grocery store (I never even acknowledged her). When I left, I went to see some friends at a local hangout and ran into my ex! I kind of freaked out but I stayed outside until he left. Within about 10 minutes of him leaving, he started texting me and I didn’t respond. About an hour after, he started texting me and accusing me of following his girlfriend around the grocery store and causing her trouble. I did respond to those messages, they were relatively short messages but I made sure they were to the point and didn’t bash her and they weren’t me begging for him to come back. I told him that he knows me better than that and he responded with “I don’t really know you, I wish I never had. But we all make mistakes right?” Ouch. My question is, since I did technically break NC, do I start over with another 30 day NC? I’m just so lost, I don’t know why he’s believing her lies about me. Please please help! Thank you in advance!!
jj

September 8, 2015 at 4:11 pm

hmm we broke up last friday as he does not know if he loves me to be the woman of his life…but he loves me and im the closest person in his life ….we both cried…had a passionate evening and I left…today i got a message ”hi darling, i cant seem to send you a text…did you block me? ive finished repairing your furniture. I would like to see you, install it, and help you with some things at your house. Can I come to see you Saturday?
Lyndsey

September 7, 2015 at 2:29 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and I have been having a real hard time with it since. We broke up with the “intent to get back together” but now I’m not so sure. He told me the breakup was because of him not knowing if he wanted to finish college or join the marines. But this whole thing started by me texting my other ex to get closure and the conversation between us ended there. I didn’t ask my current boyfriend at the time for permission, and he was angry. From there things went to a break, and from there to a breakup.(I said we either break up or stay together cuz I didn’t think taking a break would do much and I never thought he would actually end things) so he broke up with me. All I do is cry and hate myself for my actions. My bestfriend has been sticking her nose into the situation and talks to my ex, but I never asked her to do so. As a result, he tells her a lot about why we actually broke up, yet she will not let me see the texts. She’s only told me bits and pieces because I call her and break down. He told her we broke up because I can’t keep my self in one place. We had one incident when I started to develop feelings for a guy I used to like, but only sought out closure. As a result he kept coming and “surprising” me but only to check up on me because he had his suspicuons. I have a tendency to flirt and not realize it and as a result, guys make moves on me. Now he told his friends of the situations and they agree he put up with too much. Now he’s agreeing with them and has anger towards me. My bestfriend said he wants to see if I can live without him, but I want to make sure we get back together because I honestly believe he is my future.
Please help!

Aaliya

September 19, 2015 at 6:25 am

Hi!
So me and my ex were on and off for a year and he was flirting with other girls behind my back I had found out while we were off. But I honestly want to get him back in the future. But right now he’s kind of got a girl right now but not dating. I’m in the beginning of nc and I’m just worried that he’s just going to fall for the other girl and not care about me and the nc will have no effect on him. What do I do? I’m worried, and I’m not sure if she’s a rebound or if he just needs to be with a girl all the time.
Thanks!

Sandy

September 1, 2015 at 8:12 pm

My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. We go to the same school so obviously bumping into each other is inevitable. Two days after the break up I was walking to my class (all dressed up and looking good) and he was walking with his friend (I am also friends his friend). I had to pass next to them cause there was no other way. Both of them said hi to me so I responded and then my ex asked why I was so fancy. I responded all happy abd bubbly ‘I dont know’ and just kept walking. A week ago I went to a bar and when I was waiting with my guyfriends to get drinks, it showed up he was in front of us at the bar but there was a crowd in between us. I noticed him when he was getting out and passing right next to me. Then out of no where he grabbed my head (not even looking at me) and gave me a hello kiss on the cheek and then left (in his culture everyone says hi like that even if they barely know each other or just meet). Later the same night when I was dancing he walked pass me saying “sexy.” I did not even respond to that. Do these count as breaking NC? I was not engaging in any coversation with him but I did respond to the “hi” and he did give me the cheek kiss that I completely did nox expect.
Janice

August 31, 2015 at 1:38 am

I haven’t contacted my ex for almost 3 weeks. I un-friended him on Facebook shortly after the break-up. He asked why I did it a few hours later, and I responded honestly that it was just for me to cope with the end of our relationship and because I was hurt. Do I still have a chance if I continue to implement NC?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:43 am

Continue to implement the NC rule.

A

August 30, 2015 at 8:15 pm

Hi Chris:

I have a follow-up question, if you’d be kind enough to answer again. I had asked what the deal was w/ my ex who liked a Facebook photo of my weight loss but didn’t respond to an email about an unexpected bill he owed me money for. My ex didn’t get back to me about the money so I had to send another email last week about it & asked him to let me know if he wasn’t planning on paying me back so I could plan for being out that money. He texted me a few hours later to say he hadn’t meant to ignore my first email & that he’d mail the check that day. Back when I started the NCR, I told him I was deleting him from my phone. I didn’t respond to the text bc of NC. Then, about 5 hours later, he replied to the email again by sending me an email. He basically said the same thing–he was sending the money that day–but added more of an apology for not responding to the first email & said he had no excuse for the delay & “hasn’t been on his A game lately.” Since I still have 14 days left of NC, I didn’t respond to the email either. Is it a good sign that he sent a 2nd response 5 hrs after he sent the 1st response? He hasn’t contacted me at all except for the Facebook like & now the text & email, so I am not sure if he was trying to initiate conversation w/ the 2nd response or just wanted to make sure I knew he sent the money. Is it a good sign or am I reading too much into things? Thanks again! Your e-book has been super helpful!
A

August 26, 2015 at 2:44 pm

We broke up July 14. I’m at Day 12 of NC as of today (started it once on July 15, but broke down when he called 9 days later. Had a couple of attempted conversations that didn’t work well, so restarted NC 12 days ago). On Sunday, he was on Facebook which he rarely ever does, & he liked one of my recent photos where I was showing how much weight I’d lost in the last month (a lot). Obviously he knows I would know he liked that photo, since that’s how Facebook works. I did nothing in response bc of the NC rule. However on Monday, the final bill for our old joint phone account was deducted from my checking account & he owes me a big chunk of money. I can’t afford to cover it, so I sent him a polite, concise email with the phone bill attached & said he owed me money, so please mail me the check to my work address. It’s 2 days later & he hasn’t responded to that at all. If he wasn’t making any contact at all, I would get why he didn’t respond, but he liked my Facebook photo. I’m super confused & irritated that he can do that but then isn’t even polite enough to respond & let me know he’ll send me the money. Is this some weird guy thing? What is going on? Why be passively in contact but then turn around & be rude by ignoring my email? I made sure to be polite & non-confrontational in my email & just stuck to discussing the bill. What gives??

Chris Seiter

August 26, 2015 at 3:08 pm

Congrats on losing the weight! That’s fantastic. He’s probably upset that you are only contacting him about money not about anything sweet. The first few texts after no contact should be texts to see where his head is at.

Guys cringe when they have to give up money. I understand though, you need the money to pay the bill and it’s not fair for you to take on the entire bill when your broken up. This would have been better discussed during the breakup period, not no contact. It’s ok though, just continue with your no contact and try the test text after the 30 days.

Hey

August 25, 2015 at 5:09 am

Hi,

What if your ex wants his stuff back and intends to come over later in the week to get it?
Would it be okay to just take his stuff over to his place and leave it at the door?
Is that considered rude?
Or breaking contact?
Also, what if he contacts me asking if I want my stuff back (which I don’t…) is it okay to say keep it to avoid the no contact rule or just not reply at all?

Thanks

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:24 pm

He can get his stuff, that is the only exception to the no contact rule.

Anya

August 24, 2015 at 11:56 pm

hey chris, i just got your ebook and hopefully it can help me. I remember last time you told me (in the social media blog) that maybe my ex is having a hard time with the break up? Just to recap, he got a second dui and is in rehab right now and then will move to house arrest in a month. He had our pictures up as his main profile pic even after breaking up with me for a whole week and then he went crazy and deleted everything. I didn’t talk to him for 3 weeks and then finally broke NC. He answered nicely the first time because I asked him how his court things are going– he answered saying that he is working towards being positive and that he hopes I am well. I answered really short saying doing well, thank you. Then I answered again bringing up a funny memory between us and saying that I hate that I can’t share funny stories with him. He didn’t respond to me at all. I saw he was on whatsapp a couple of times after that, so I just messaged him I am sorry, I thought we could atleast be friends. Did I ruin things? I am so upset with myself for breaking NC.

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 5:03 pm

no you will just have to go back into no contact for a week and try again.

Michelee Roberts

August 14, 2015 at 7:11 am

Thanks for your reply Chris. There was no cheating involved anywhere down the line (they were only married a year, together for three), she left him because they weren’t in love and has been living with someone else for as long as he and I were dating. He hasn’t seen her in person since the day she asked for the divorce a year ago. He just says he needs time to ‘sort himself out’ and won’t talk because he is ‘ashamed of hurting me’ having run into two of his good friends, neither knew we had split and he hasn’t been in contact with them properly either – they were both wondering what was up with him lately. To be honest, as much as I want him back, I’m worried he’s having a really hard time and I want to be there for him like I always promised I would be, but he won’t let me. Anyway, I started NC yesterday.

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 3:57 pm

If your there for him then he gets to have his cake and eat it too. You don’t want to do that. Good job with starting NC.

Michelee Roberts

August 13, 2015 at 7:39 pm

Hi Chris

I was dating my ex during his divorce proceedings. I was there for him the entire way through – he told me it should’ve been me all along, I was everything he ever wanted – I got on with his family which was very important to him and we pretty much had a perfect relationship throughout. We had made plans for the future including me moving into his place a few weeks after his divorce got finalised. Then, out of the blue, the day after his divorce is final he dumped me via text message saying he needs to be alone. We have had contact while returning each others stuff but now that is all done, do you think implementing some NC now could help?

Chris Seiter

August 14, 2015 at 4:36 am

It sounds like he went back to his wife and that he probably didn’t actually go through with the divorce. Yes I think No contact could help but personally I think you should date someone without that kind of baggage or at least someone that has been divorced for at least a year. If he cheated on her, he will likely cheat on you too.

Maria

August 9, 2015 at 7:30 am

HI I accidentaly send a facebook “thumb” on favebook on the first week… What should i do?

Alexandra

August 23, 2015 at 9:42 pm

My ex broke up with me a week ago, and this weekend I have a 21st that he will be attending also. Do you think I should go and ignor him and look fabulous or will if effect him more me not attending and him think where is she. I’m not super close with the person having the party so I didn’t want to go and look like I have just turned up for him, what will be more beneficial?
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:48 pm

Not attending would be the best for your situation and make sure your doing no contact. You will do great.
Kate

August 11, 2015 at 12:51 pm

I just did that last night – after 10 days of NC……I sent it at almost midnight….and didn’t even realize it until morning…I wanted to kick myself. To top this off, my ex is an Aries – and I know he needs his space…did I just blow it?? We only dated for 9 weeks, but it was fast and intense and very good! All of our friends were shocked to see that he broke up with me! I know that we both are very busy and timing is a huge issue….but I really want to know if I have a chance at getting him back!
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:56 am

Start over with no contact to fix it. :/

Cate

August 7, 2015 at 5:28 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for answering my comment on your other post, it made me feel special and it’s nice to have an “expert” agree with you 🙂 . I have a weird situation again…my ex initially agreed to move out (we rent a house from one of MY friends, so it only made sense for him to go)…I haven’t broken NC to the best of my ability, since he’s still living there, but he told me last week he’d be gone by Tuesday of this week…and his stuff is still at my house, in fact, he’d moved some things to a friend’s house he was intending to move in with last weekend, and now he’s moved them all back in to the spare bedroom. He tried to initiate a conversation with me yesterday about fixing up my car, and how it would be fun to be roommates, and I just was nice to him and said “I think it’s best we stick to your first plan” and then I left and took the dog on a walk, he was gone by the time I got back. Furthermore, today is our rent due day, and when I went to go pay our landlord this morning, he said my ex had already paid in full on Tuesday, the day he was supposed to move out.

Strangely enough, his friend he was supposed to move in with called me last night and asked me to call my ex to try to get him to leave a bar they were at…when I told this friend we broke up and I wasn’t ready to talk to my ex, he was stunned, and said my ex had mentioned we were fighting, but never mentioned we broke up.

Any suggestions?

Thanks and best,
Catie
J

August 5, 2015 at 8:30 pm

I know this is dumb, but I’m afraid that my ex could suddenly die or fall in a coma during nc period. This is pretty impossible. But I would feel guilty. I mean, after all, I still love him. This is why I’m doing this. But the possiblity that a person that I’m temborarilly ignoring might not wake up tomorrow, makes me feel pretty much awful. Even though he has hurt me. Btw I am on my first day and I am almost over with it. You should either make an article about how to deal with the guilt if that actually happens or just reply to my comment to give me more details about this if you find the time.

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”