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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Why Avoidants Say Things That Donât Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
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How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
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lorna
August 15, 2014 at 6:44 pm
Hey so me and my ex bf have been broken up 2 months now it was unexpected his excuse was he wanted to travel to australia with his friend only his friend is already gone with oit him, we were together 2 years we are eachothers first bf and gf, a week after we broke up he started sleeping and going on dates with a girl he works with, I found out and there was bad words between us, a wk and a half ago we met up and he asked if I was seeing anyone I said yes, he got freaked started looking like it hurt him and said he still loves me and she doesn’t compare to me, I held onto that and the next day asked would we try again, he said too much has happened that we should give up, we haven’t talked in a week but I really want him back 85% of the time we where good and had our arguments, any advice? Thank you!
admin
August 18, 2014 at 12:23 pm
Is he still currently with the girl he works with?
electra
August 14, 2014 at 11:49 pm
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me right before he left for a month long trip. We live together, so its complicated, Leasing, ect ext. When he returned he was behaving like nothing happened still flirty affectionate and wanting to go on dates and we did. I soon found out that he had started a few different dating accounts and I flipped out. I found it extremely disrespectful and inappropriate because we still live together and whats the rush why is acting desperate with these sites? He deactivated his accounts and apologized. Also he seemed to be trying to start things with me flirting hand holding ect .We had a nice few weeks when he returned and so I was priming him to talk about reconcilation but he declined. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. NO WAY thats going to happen. He left again for 3 weeks for some other obligation. I told him right before he left for the airport that I agree to the break up and will not pursue him any more and will start dating. He changed the subject and exchanged fair wells. I deleted him from all of my social media. Im thinking that I should implement the no contact. I just don’t know if that even makes a difference at this point.
electra
August 19, 2014 at 7:23 pm
????
Yara
August 13, 2014 at 9:27 pm
Dear Chris,
Firstly, thank you very much for putting this together. I really enjoyed reading your guide and the points articulated make sense.
My Question is:
Do the get your boyfriend back if the two people are in two different but nearby countries??
I met him while i was on a project with his company, we connected greatly, then we took it to the next step. few weeks after he seemed to push away. I overreacted and couldn’t handle him pushing away so he broke up with me. He has always been nice and gave a special goodbye before I left. I went on NC afterwards and i am on day 25 now. any advice on next steps?
Thank you very very much!!
admin
August 14, 2014 at 12:22 pm
Is it a long distance type thing?
Jordan
August 13, 2014 at 5:30 pm
Hi I really need your advice. My boyfriend and I well I guess now ex boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. We truly did love each other. He was going to purpose to me and everything an I would have said yes. Well I caught him talking to his ex. Nothing bad but this was a girl I told him he couldn’t talk to again because of issues I’ve had with her in the past. Well I was so hurt he broke my trust I broke it off with him and needed time to think. In that time he begged me back almost every day crying to me but I wasn’t ready yet. Now I’m ready and he’s found someone new. I’m so beyond heart broken thag I don’t even know what to do with myself. I begged him back for days and he just said he needed space and he doesn’t see us together right now. So we agreed not to talk to each other so he can have time to think about us. Do I still have a chance with him? Or did I lose him for good to this other girl.. When we said our goodbyes he told me he was still in love with me he just needed time but I don’t know if he’s just saying that to make me feel better so I will leave him alone. I’m so lost I need help đ
admin
August 14, 2014 at 12:01 pm
Wait, is he dating his ex?
Jordan
August 14, 2014 at 3:30 pm
No he’s not. This is a girl he met at the gym he goes too. He told me they aren’t anyhing right now he just has a crush on her and wants to get to know her.. And that hurts so bad. I just want him back more than anything. I truly love him with all my heart.
mlayana
August 13, 2014 at 2:54 pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11months now and he had promised me on two occasions that he would help me with my school as he was the one who offered. In those two occasions where he promised to help, he had financial constraints which I had no problem with but I did let him know how I felt let down by his promises. With me expressing my feelings he said that I was selfish and he ended the relationship. Did I do something wrong? Is there still hope for us? Everything before that was perfect in our relationship.
Thanks
admin
August 14, 2014 at 11:10 am
I think you didn’t do anything wrong.
Seems to me he is more disappointed with his own financial troubles more than anything.
anne
August 13, 2014 at 2:07 pm
Hello!
I am sending my first message today after almost two months of no contact! Advice on how to phrase it?
Which message sounds better for my first across the bow text? Would love some input on how to make it better!
Here they are:
1. âIâm headed out to Ottawa this weekendâreminds me of that ice-skating day trip we did.â
2. âJust caught myself thinking about you. Iâm really glad you were in my life. Hope youâre doing great. =-)â
3. I know its been a while, but I started thinking about you today and it put a smile on my face. Youâre a really wonderful person. Hope youâre doing really well J
4. HI there! Just saw the last episode of the 100 and it reminded me of you because I know how much you loved that tv series! Hope all is wellJ
5. I was cleaning out the kitchen yesterday and found some easter eggs! It made me think of you and that easter egg hunt you did for me. I actually smiledJ
6. âHey! I just stumbled onto my copy of Monsters University and it made me think of how we watched it together. It actually made me smileJ!â
7. âWas watching Suits last night and I canât believe how it ended! Just when I thought the series was getting boring!â ( we used to watch suits together)
8. âI just saw About Time with a friend and the male actor made me think of you. Youâre like a more handsome version of him! Hope things are going well
IF you have any other ones please let me know!
Thanks!
admin
August 14, 2014 at 11:03 am
Wow, all of them are really good. I would say that I like the suits one. It’s less controversial and it should give you a good gauge on where hes at. If he responds to that then thats a good sign.
Lindsay
August 12, 2014 at 10:34 pm
Hey Chris!
My ex hof 3.5 years as been out of state for two months and broke up with me out of the blue on FaceTime. We hadn’t been fighting except I felt he was being distant while he was away and I text gnatted him. During the FaceTime breakup, he listed a bunch of issues and I was so stunned I didn’t have much to say. I indicated NC the next day. Here’s my question, after NC, should I discuss the relationship with him or start sending the texts you outline? The reason I ask is because I never got a chance to discuss any of this with him and I would really like to address the concerns he raised as it was the first time I had heard of most of them…
Emily
August 12, 2014 at 3:15 pm
Hi Chris,
My bf broke up with me last week, and I kind of begged him a lot to think about it again. He said that he just doesn’t feel like before and wanted to break up with me. On monday I let him go saying to not be such a stranger and that we should just keep in touch. This happened before I read your article so it was hard for me. Now my ex is as usual but we’re in the same school so I see him a couple of times a day. I’m really confused into what to do now. I really want him back though, will this work?
admin
August 13, 2014 at 1:46 pm
I think it can be effective in your case yes.
Grace
August 12, 2014 at 1:58 pm
Hey, I just broke up with my boyfriend or 2 years yesterday. We had lots of up and downs but somehow we managed to get through them. We had a big fight and it kind of involved his family because his family was home when I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell for him to open the door. I was wrong on that part. That is why he’s mad, for making a scene with his family there. I didn’t mean to, even though I knew his dad was home. I didn’t know what to do but talk to him. So our fight started off like thjs. He has been working for the 5 days straight at a concert, so I knew he was busy and it was hard to text. But I got a little upset because I would send him encouragements and nice texts to get him through and let him know I care and love him. After the concert was over I thought we can catch up and talk so the air can clear. I’ve been upset and thought he would understand and try to comfort me, but it took another toll. He was being selfish and only thought of himself being tired. I waited all day and night for his texts. When a text would come, it would be very frank and distant. So when I went over within ten minutes, he would say I don’t want to deal with you right now and made me leave. And I got upset because these past few months, whenever there would be an argument, he would not want to deal with it and always want to ignore it. He would say the meanest things that should never be said. He says anything he wants whenever and is very rude and unsympathetic. When we are on good terms, we are very good, but when we are bad, he literally treats me worse than trash, saying the meanest tbjngs, being inconsiderate of my feelings, putting me down, and etc. he does not respect me at all in my opinion when it comes to fighting. I can’t break up like this and I dot know what to do because this time he made it sound like he is going to end things with me forever. Please help me, I don’t know what to do.
admin
August 13, 2014 at 1:40 pm
Ideally you shouldn’t have to fight a lot. I agree that he could be more considerate of your feelings during heated moments but if you are ambushing him in front of his family I don’t think you are winning yourself too many points.
Grace
August 13, 2014 at 3:18 pm
I feel like he needs to be way more considerate of my feelings. We talked yesterday and he told me how hard working was and how I was being selfish for expecting him to make me feel better. I don’t know how to tell him nicely and not offend him that he was wrong on his part as well. He said he’s gonna think about breaking up with me again and weigh it out and get back to me. Is there anything that I can say or do to make sure he’ll come back ?
admin
August 12, 2014 at 11:12 am
What caused you to cheat on him?
Mindi
August 12, 2014 at 12:23 am
Hi Chris,
I have been doing the no contact with my ex for 2 weeks now. I made the big mistake of being friends. He actually broke up with me in February after a 6 year relationship. I found out at the end of May, that he was in a Rebound Relationship. Yes, everything you said points out that he is in one. Unfortunately, I think I even helped it last this long because I kept talking to him every time he called me with his new girl friend right there! (He did a good job of hiding this from me.) He even sent me pictures of the animals he saw at the zoo having me share in the whole experience and I didn’t even know it until later that she was with him! (This is the longest we have gone without talking since we met.)
Most recently, I realized I became the perfect doormat! When I look at what I am suppose to do for myself during the 30 days, I have done most of it. I lost weight and got healthy. I go out with my friends and even have been on a few dates. I updated my clothes and hair style. Actually, I got myself looking pretty good. When I visited Boston at the end of June, I had just about every guy on that train, staring at me, but still, I couldnât get my ex to see me. Then I realized one thing, as a doormat I was still needy! Guys donât like needy! I realized the last step in showing him that I have grown up was to no longer need him. Wow an eye opener!
Because my ex and I talked every day, I had to tell him I needed space and time right now. Well, he kept on calling me and texting me even when I told him I wasnât going to contact him. Last Tuesday was the first day I didnât hear from him, then on Wednesday, he drops me from our Fantasy Baseball team!! Yes, I am still hurt by this. I do understand that he didnât like getting ignored and got angry. I also understand that he did it to control me. Well, I think by now he realizes that he can no longer control me!
I have to say, I didnât realize how angry he would get with NC! At first I thought that I should only do 21 days of NC but now I am thinking it was more a control thing then anger. What do you think?
I truly believe that when you do NC, it has to be for you! I started it because I knew I had to get over my obsession with him and I wanted to earn his respect back. I am certainly hoping for more. I have read all your articles on how guys think trying to figure out what he is thinking now. LOL Yes I am hoping that he has moved from anger to respect to missing me…
Thank you for all of your wise advice in getting me through this!
Mindi
admin
August 12, 2014 at 12:21 pm
Man… I bet his new girlfriend doesn’t appreciate him texting you like that. I wonder what would happen if she found out.
Mindi
August 13, 2014 at 6:19 pm
She knows! I heard her voice a couple of times, so, I asked him. Right in front of her, he said he didn’t mind if I joined them for 4th of July! He called and talked to me all the time with her there. We would talk about 30 minutes at a time.
I couldn’t understand how she could be okay with it until I figured out that they had to be in a rebound relationship with each other.
He met her at work and added her to facebook before we even broke up. Of course I didn’t know it was her until he finally gave me enough information months later. He hides his relationship with her as much as he can from me.
He certainly picked an opposite. I just graduated from college and starting my career. I’m not married, no kids and 5 years younger than him. She is not career oriented. She is separated (per facebook probably 2nd marriage), has a kid and is 5 years older than him.
He told me she quit her job because she didn’t like working nights. Who would do that if you are going through a divorce? I would think financial independence would be very important. (Okay, I doubt she is married to a rich man! LOL) I think she has more baggage in that relationship than him.
I hope, with me out of the picture, that he will be able to start looking at his relationship with her more logically. Take away any emotional attachment and it’s pretty obvious.
admin
August 14, 2014 at 12:05 pm
Give him some time before the logic kicks in. He needs to come off the high of dating someone new.
erikaplur
August 11, 2014 at 10:42 pm
I was dating my ex for about a month. He broke up with me because he has alot of issues with himself,home,work,and his ex wife.he doesnt love her and i trust him with that.but he going to be moving to a different town and going to work and school.thats one of thw reason why he broke up with me,he has alot of stuff going on,he hasnt text me for about 4 days but i been texting and calling him like crazy.i hate that i did that.he said he needsto be alone and focus on himself.but i do want him back and show him im not that person,im still the person who he fell for when we met. What should i do?
admin
August 12, 2014 at 12:19 pm
Well, NC is a good way to start this process.
erikaplur
August 13, 2014 at 7:18 am
NC?
Kiki
August 11, 2014 at 10:03 pm
Hi,
First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to write your 10,000 word page to help others. I truly appreciate it and I’m sure everybody else does as well. My ex and I were dating for a few months and everything was fine we just started to get busy and started to see each other less, however we spoke everyday. He had gotten a job opportunity that would take up most of his time and granted I thought that’s fine because I’m about to go back to school and I will barely have time as well. But he felt as though he needed to choose between work or me because when we began to date I was involved with another guy technically but I didn’t see or talk to him so I broke up with him before I started to date my ex. Since I started talking to my ex while the other guy I was seeing me was neglecting me, my ex fears that I would do this to him even though I assured him I wouldn’t because I have a higher respect level for him and wouldn’t intentionally hurt him. He then said that I make him happy and he loves me however he thinks we should end things on a good note before they went bad. I know we have spoken about things like this before and he said to me that he thinks that he would push me away because he fears when he has something good in life and for me not to let him do it. So I began to try and talk him out of it but it didn’t work. The next day I asked if we could talk to get things off my chest and he said he didn’t know if that was good and I said I just needed to say it out of respect for myself. He took a while to reply and I basically said I’m done trying because I’m lowering my self value and if he wanted to completely end things and stop speaking that he will get what he wished for and that will be the last time he will have to worry about hearing from me and then said goodbye. He replied back immediately saying that he just wasn’t home to speak yet but I did not answer and haven’t contacted him since. Is it even worth the try to reconcile things with him?
admin
August 12, 2014 at 12:17 pm
I think you hit it right on the head, hes afraid that what you did to your ex before this ex (talking to someone else while you are dating someone) was going to happen to him.
Kiki
August 13, 2014 at 5:36 am
I’m battling with whether I should contact him though only because in the past he has wanted me to make the first moves with him to show that I cared like asking him to go out with me. I didn’t do that though because I thought that was a guy’s job. Should I stop nc to show him that I am serious about him like I say I am?
Tara
August 11, 2014 at 9:11 pm
Hi Chris.
My boyfriend and I were together for nine months before he broke up with me because we argued too much. We’ve been broken up for a month now and he’s been mean to me. He has called me a slut and said that I was crazy and he even said he hated me. He said he needed space to clear his mind. Even know I want to talk to him, he ignores me. What should I do?
admin
August 12, 2014 at 12:06 pm
I say give it to him with the good ole no contact rule.
Tristyn
August 11, 2014 at 11:53 am
I just read everything and I think it’s going to help me a lot but the only thing is, he lives about 5 1/2 hours away from me. I met him on 4th of July at a river camp. I felt like I’ve known him my whole life. We became extremely close over the next few weeks. He was the only one in my life that I really trusted. He ended up asking me out and telling me that he fell in love with me that night and that he wanted to be with me. After we were dating for a little bit, I got grounded because my parents found out about stuff that I was doing before him and I got together. When my mom checked my phone about 2 weeks after I got grounded and I had texts from him saying Hey and stuff like that but then there was one that said “I don’t think we should be together anymore. I’ve got a lot going on with my family.” Do you think he was telling the truth or just didn’t want to hurt me?
admin
August 12, 2014 at 11:16 am
In other words, you guys are in a long distance situation.
By any chance have you read my long distance article?
Jennifer
August 8, 2014 at 2:59 pm
I’ve noticed how much time you’ve put into this website, nevermind the e-books. And still you find the time to respond to nearly every comment.
I’ve probably posted about 5 times on this website and you’ve responded every time.
Getting my ex back is still a work in progress but I just want to thank you for how much you do. You’ve probably helped thousands of people.
I felt like writing this because I noticed that majority of the comments is people looking for advice (me included) but not actually saying thank you for what you’ve done so far.
So thank you!! đ
admin
August 11, 2014 at 11:30 am
Thank you Jennifer!
Sometimes I need to hear stuff like that because believe it or not it can be kind of a downer to watch people suffer in their relationships.
becks
August 6, 2014 at 9:04 pm
I knew this man for three years and we got on the relationship boat three years later but the relationship worked for three months. I asked him for some financial assistance which he promised to assist. He accused me of cheating on him and misunderstood my calls some I won’t pick in his presence because of personal reasons some I will go off when he came in. The night we travelled on our first trip, I got drunk and must have said some nasty things coupled with the fact that we have not had any intercourse for two times. He promised calling me but for months running now he has not, he always make excuses for us not to see but I finally told that since he didn’t find joy in me anymore then we call it off for good since he has called it off unceremoniously. Now I really want him back how do I go about it?
admin
August 11, 2014 at 11:06 am
Just go right into NC.
Essentially follow the outline laid out in the page.
Ally
July 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm
Hey there!
I’ve read your entire page just now, it’s fabulous!
I have a bit of a prickly situation here:
My ex and i live long distance, about 6 hours away. We saw each other as often as we could.
We also knew each other for many years in advance before going ahead with dating.
Before we dated, we ended up having sex. We never really thought it would have blossomed into a relationship at the time, but it happened anyway.
We dated for only a couple months, so we were really at the pinnacle of our relationship. The day before everything happened, we were still being cute, cuddling, complimenting, adoring and everything.
I found out that no one exactly knew about us and our dating (he has always found it hard to express these sort of things, even to his friends and family for some reason). That’s when i brought up “before i leave here, we have to let everyone know, right? :)” (i was at his place, visiting him and sight seeing around his town)
That’s when he said he felt weird and that things were going too fast, and that he shouldn’t drive back to my home with me (which is what our plan was).
He said that the distance wasn’t a problem, and that there was no one else. I sort of went into hysterics and cried my eyes out, and left the next day.
I’ve been talking to one of his friends, and he told me that every time my ex becomes sexual with someone he is interested in, no matter how much he cares for them, he will always leave, reasonlessly.
I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it, and everything has been a mess. I’ve tried to contact him and sort our feelings, and figure out what exactly went wrong. He keeps saying “i don’t know” and that it’s not my fault.
I believe i can incorporate a lot of your advice into getting him back, considering he wasn’t disinterested in me, or upset with me. He’s someone i’m willing to do a heck of a lot for. (We’ve been best friends for years, but since we’ve started dating it felt even stronger, you know?)
Just wondering if you could have any advice for rebuilding a relationship over long distance, and with the details i’ve given?
Thank you x
It means a lot.
-Ally
admin
July 30, 2014 at 2:03 pm
Sounds like a classic commitmentphobe to me…
Ally
July 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm
I see.. It makes sense. I’ve heard that once sex was involved, he would leave. He’s told me he’s been cheated on before, also, so maybe that could play a part in this.
My ex lives very care free, so i understand that freedom is a big deal for him. Im quite care free myself, so i wouldn’t want to take that from him at all.
He also isn’t good with dealing with conflict. He’s happy in his own bubble, i guess you could say. It makes me worry that he will be happy without me somehow, and i don’t know when he will realize that he lost me entirely on his own, which with past girlfriends, hasn’t happened before, from what i can understand.
Any advice on how to deal with this? Not push him far away out of his bubble, maybe have him open up to me? Or is that a terrible idea, and should i just follow through with the NC and following steps?
Thanks again,
Ally
admin
August 4, 2014 at 1:45 pm
For now yes.
Ally
July 29, 2014 at 11:21 pm
And to add to it: it’s only been a couple days, but since I’ve been home, i’ve messaged him quite a few times on how i felt and that what we had would have worked out just fine. But after directly asking how he felt about me, he said he didnt know how he felt about me. I’m not sure…
Also, our mutual friend has told me that he may have just not wanted to settle down. Apparently he was into having sexual relations with people just for fun? I’m not completely certain how crucial it is, considering i havent heard of it from my ex before.
I’m going to try the NC for a bit… i’m just scared that he will move past this really quickly, and not wish anything from me. I was told he moves on quickly, buy again, only 3rd party information.
We’re both only young, too, in case i haven’t mentioned it before.
Emy
July 29, 2014 at 2:42 am
Hi chris, I really need your help,
I was talkking with a man online and we were close to dating, after one month of exchange emails and skyp, he begin to told me that he is not intersting I get angry and told him that I cheat on him, then he brok up.
I think I still want him, but he ask me not to text him any more.
what I can do?
admin
July 29, 2014 at 8:01 pm
Did you actually cheat on him?
Lydia
July 25, 2014 at 7:07 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We were together for 7 months. It seemed out of the blue and the only real reason he gave was that deep down he just knew that it wasn’t right. I thought it was weird because up until that day he had still been asking me to come over to his apartment the time, pouty if I had to spend a night apart from him at my own apartment, etc. He wasn’t acting distant at all that I could tell. So far I’ve been following your advice and implementing no contact, and I haven’t heard from him or anything.
Anyway my question is concerning how to end no contact once the time comes. I know that you recommend text messages, but I have a couple of other options that I was wondering about.
First off, we are in the same social circle and it would be possible for me to just casually run into him at an event with our friends. I could act all breezy and happy and then text him afterwards, maybe?
Secondly, while we were together we often chatted on Gchat (instant messenger) while we were both at work.
What do you think about these options? Could one of them be more effective than a text, or should I just stick to texting for ending NC as you recommended?
Thanks!
Lydia
admin
July 28, 2014 at 2:21 pm
1. Just act all breezy and happy like you said but don’t text him until NC is over.
2. Once nc is over gchat isn’t my favorite but you can make it work.