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Laila
October 23, 2014 at 7:35 pm
So I love this post, I sort of stumbled across it. I saw stumbled I obviously Googled “how to get my ex back” haha.
So here’s my deal, I was with him for about 4 year on and off. We recently broke up well 2 months ago. A few weeks ago we started talking on the phone. At first he said he doesn’t want to rush into anything then he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because he is so anti relationship at the moment. I’ve been speaking to him for the past few days and I’m trying to play it cool but I think I need to take a step back and start from the reminding him about the good times. I want to follow your guide because I think it will help but I don’t know where to begin because we are already talking and on top of that we’re kinda dirty talking lol. Should I take a step back to messaging him about the good times now and again? Not sure where to start or what to do but that seems like the best idea now. Help me! And thanks 🙂
Rosa Nunez
October 18, 2014 at 5:33 am
My name is Rosa Nunez. I just want to share a brief tell about a friend of mine who’s boyfriend left her and she didn’t know why. She was in constant pain and had moments where she felt desperate. She tried researching articles to get some advice but nothing seemed to help. So she did something different. And her ex came back. What she did is found in this course “Together Again Forever” which I highly recommend. It’s worked for hundreds of women everywhere….
Bee
October 18, 2014 at 12:01 am
Hi Chris!
I need your opinion regarding this. My boyfriend and I were together for more than 2 years. I was really jealous with his friend. But he never gave me my reason to get jealous. I actually had trust issues because of my past. And it affected our relationship. We had our on and off regarding my trust issues. He always leytme get back with him whenever we fight about this. But this time, he went to his boiling point and broke up with me. He made this decision during his review for his board exam. All pressured and stuff, but now he passed his exam and all happy and enjoying the time of his life without me. We haven’t spoken for more than 3 weeks. Well, he just greeted me on my birthday, I gave him a good luck text during his exams, and just congratulated him. But whenever he text back saying thank you, I didn’t text back. I try not to because I don’t want to seem needy and desperate and make him think that I’m still the same girl. I want him back but I really don’t know what to do. I am torn from texting him and ask how he’s doing to keep the communication or just let go. Because it feels like I’m just the only one wanting this. 🙁
Christy
October 16, 2014 at 5:32 pm
Hi Chris
I want help from you. I’ve dated my boyfriend for three months. My friends introduced me with him and we soon started dating.. everything was fine, we hang out had fun,and so on…and one day we saw each other on skype had conversation and of course after every talk as usual he said ‘love you’… but that SAME day in the evening he told me this:”We have a problem”. and then he said that he actually doesn’t love me anymore, that he’s not in love in me anymore(he said he was first month or two), but he likes me and it would be fair that we stay friends.. He said it was very hard for him to do this’cause it will hurt me.. i was in shock and asked him how so suddenly. he said that he was really depressed that day and he realized that this week. in the end he said’m a wonderful girl who will find somebody who will love me and that this:’who knows, maybe in the next ten years we’ll be together again..'(TEN YEARS??)day or two before brakeup we even talk about seeing each other next weekend, ’cause the previous we couldn’t see each other because my dad didn’t let me out…We even text each other the day after the brakeup (studying your resercheas it maybe was a mistake) and he asked me was i alright,and then we texted the two days after and then i looked at your website and decided to do non contact rule.. honestly i have pissed of when i saw him with somw friend who is a girl but also fast cooled off..this is my 6th day of non contact.. what do you think what caused him to do such thing? Can i bring him back to me? Should i say to him ‘happy birthday’ on his birthday or not? I’ve also trying now to focus on the school and i have also improved my body and cnfidence that maybe he has feelings for me.. Please tell me what coul possibly he thinking and should i have my hopes up..
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:54 pm
No happy birthday… You should read a few more of the no contact guides I put together.
Marissa
October 15, 2014 at 3:31 am
Hi Chris,
So I think I’ve understood this article… I’m ready.
I was with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. We got together when I was 24 and he was 21. I am now 26 and he is 23. We are from the same town and we met during the summer holidays 2012.
We decided to do long distance, he was in New York finishing his bachelors and I was in D.C. doing a one year masters program. We made the long distance work, though it was turbulent. In 2013 we had both graduated and we were at the brink of ending the relationship because I found out he had cheated on me.
I moved back to our hometown after graduation (as planned). He decided to move back to our hometown also to prove to me that he loved me, sacraficing his pursuit of an MBA for a year or so. (Chris, I strongly asked him not to make that sacrafice but he was adamant). During the summer of 2013 I found that he had been inappropriately texting another woman DESPITE his reason for moving home being about showing me that he could change. I broke up with him for about a month.
When we got back together a month later he had COMPLETELY changed. No more cheating and no more speaking inappropriately with women. He worked so hard at trying to regain my trust and was extremely loving. I had lingering trust issues and it took me a while to be happy again.
2014 came and we had arguments every now and again that all related to my trust issues BUT it had improved a heck of a lot. Summer 2014 came and he started to get distant… there was hardly any love in his eyes and he seemed to just be on ‘auto pilot’. We were arguing a lot and on my side it was because I didn’t feel the love from him anymore. At this point, however, we were living together.
Four weeks ago he finally came clean and told me that he isn’t happy and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore and that he needs a ‘break’ and ‘space’ for him to ‘breeze off’ and ‘find his peace’. He moved back in with his parents. I didn’t message him for about a week but when I did he finally said that he doesn’t want me anymore and that this has to be a breakup.
So… I did everything that I wasn’t supposed to… I begged, I cried… I pleaded for a second chance. For a chance to show him that I can put in the work to make him happy… and to stop getting upset and angry all the time. In fact, Yesterday he agreed to give me a second chance but he told me his heart wasn’t in it… I see that because he isn’t really texting me and he has no emotion at all.
After A LOT of tears I’ve realized that I can’t fight for a man who says he doesn’t want me… at least not by being up in his face and trying to get him to be in the relationship. Time for plan B a.k.a “NC”.
30 days starts from midnight tonight.
It’s going to be difficult as we work right across the street from each other and it’s an extremely small town but I’m going to try and be strong.
Any advice for me moving forward on to Day 1?
Do you think this method will work for me, given the above context?
Thank you in advance.
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:37 pm
I also did an updated version of this article that you might find helpful, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/
Marissa
October 15, 2014 at 3:55 am
Should I TELL him that I just want some space? Or just go into full NC straight away?
He did say he would give me a second chance and we have been texting back and forth (which isn’t working out at all because his mind and heart aren’t in it).
So, tell him that I would like to cut contact or just go cold turkey?
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:37 pm
Just go right into NC.
HopelessLover
October 15, 2014 at 2:09 am
I am desperate. i did go germany this past year but well we were being crazy in love 2 weeks into my visit he received a report card with what in USA would consider decent with A,B,C his mother did not.(They have 12 classes in total). I told him to relax we would find a solution but the first worry that did come in mind was that I was going to be kicked out of being with him in germany and cut short my trip. Well his mother decided that she would allow me to go to berlin with my loves to his brothers appt and stay after this i came back to jena and left to paris with my love. This is where I had a horrrible time because my love told me we need to break up because he does not want me to be held back since at this time i knew his(or moms decision) to repeat year meaning no longer he needs 1 year but 2 years until he enter college and of had come into USA. So in paris we spent much time I devasted by his thought of decision to just leave me just because of school meaning I could help him out or support him in his hard time. I even told him he need stop worrying about me because in my future all I could see was him and I would make the deicsion to come study in germany so we would be close. The day we parted ways (him to germany and I for normandy) he had said forget me but a few hours later he skyped and called me and said he regreted everything he said because without me he had no life and i was his everything and even went crazy enough to send me a pic of him crying to show that he truly did miss me. So I spent a week in normandy when we no longer could stand it and he sent for me to go to back to germany which I did but after a few days there we madly in love and saying we were crazy to ever think badly but there was slight fight when I (in my culture when with out bf/gf do not look at people of opposite sex when they are trying to flirt) got mad when he did that and I was already frustrated because our schedule practically got from us deciding what to do to what his mother wanted to do and follow her schedule and I did comment on that and was frustrated because my last true day with him I was devastated I did not get spend much time exploring a castle.
The next day I left and I was already missing my love but he reassured me in a note on our way to frankfurt that “he has loved me for who I am, to not be sad, to just change things and see the positive, for whatever I have to be or are 2 years and still loves me” After I came back to america we were on sweet normal tlaking terms every now and then we talked about how we missed each other and i would ask about his preparation for russia as his student exchange and he was excited about. But then we had lost contact when he was in russia and then came the weird changes he changed his profile pic which was a pic of in paris kissing to a different one and days later erased my post on his wall and after then he changed to hiding out relationship and i though maybe he liked someone else. Then I get the devastating mssg about how he is breaking up and how he didnt like america(which i do not either i am used to tropical places like my home country mexico) and how he didnt think we did free things although i do many like cliff diving hiking(which he said I did not) and other free stuff. He said he felt “had to be something for me” although i always tell him to relax to be what he needs be not push himself soo much and siad cultturual and distance and then I was at the time waiting for iphone 6 wantning to solution everything got clingy and went into a desperate act saying what is really up and i did not believe what he was writing and asked him to skype and he said was he does not love me and he would not skype. Then he blocked me on facebook although he stayed in contact with many of my friends(so i asked his friends and they said he would never do it and some them were like maybe he is just confused or something but also commented that he had not talked with anyone not even when he came back from russia(2weeks later what should have been a month and i also asked someone to check up on him and his friend said he would visit him and he did as he posted on his profile pic the date they meet but in the end his friend never got back with me about what happened between me and my ex and what he thought) and I got a friends account seeing what he did on facebook and he posted some some songs about cheating and breaking up and wanting to get back together on his spotify but he never talked to me except the day I sent him a sweet message on his bday 11 days later which he sent kind of emotionless email and I was devasted and just commented in back that turns out that in college I had enough credits to be a junior although its my 1st year and I was allowed to travel and study abroad and tried about his trip to russia and new class but he never answered. I noticed his music changed to different music some sounding like he would never forget me in its message but now it his playlist is only theatrical i only imagine school thing and now he has barely used his facbeook but he has some new girl friends( they have not liked anything or him liked anything of them) and guy friends. So Since October 2 I no longer contact him but he has not contacted him I do not know what to do anymore because since he no longer has my facebook I am not a daily reminder of him wanting me back or anything like that although I have lost some weight and perfected my skin and worked out more and have done much academic and musical and other advances be see no point to of it if he does not know. I have even got in contact with some germans over some online websites in attempt to know which university to go in germany and I even have some scholarships I am applying for so I can go study over there. But and I do not know what to when 30 days are up and I have to supposedly “text” him :/ How to get him to talk to me when it seems he had just completely changed and does not care about me anymore HELPPP!!!! I AM DESPERATE I AM TIRED OF CRYING AND PRAYING EACH NIGHT AND FEELING THIS EMPTY SPACE IN MY HEART AND NOT KNOWING ANYTHING I WANT HIM SO BADLY I GIVE EVERYTHING FOR HIM EVEN FOR HIM TO BE MY FRIEND <z3
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:36 pm
Yes, text him. Did you read this page from start to finish?
HopelessLover
October 30, 2014 at 10:21 pm
Hello and i did read the page but that is my issue i have no cellphone number the way we contacted was through skype, facebook, and i have his email and i emailed him one his birthday and he responded very dry saying that i am well and i emailed him after this but he did not respond so i started the 30 day no contact and his music on spotify has changed drasctically and today there seemed to be some hope as he listen to a song about just wanting one word from me called nur ein wort (german song)… But now i do not know to do the ” i have a confession” text or to bring about a memory???
HopelessLover
October 30, 2014 at 10:30 pm
he also blocked me on facebook so i do not know which way contact him
HopelessLover
November 6, 2014 at 5:49 am
UPDATE: I was currently friends with his friend from germany but now he too has blocked me I do not know what to do anymore and send him a contact email and he just ignored
HopelessLover
October 15, 2014 at 2:10 am
I fell in love in junior year with the most incredible man I have ever meet and am for sure I would meet the only situation is that he was a exchange student form germany. We both understood this situation well as we believed we wanted to keep it going it never crossed our mind when he was here that he wanted to break up or anything. We simply were madly in love. We knew we had part ways as he had go back to study in germany to abirtu which is a more harder high school then normals and we kept skype calling and talked daily because we could not imagine no life without each other we made countless plans his greatest one was to come to study in USA with me once he finished high school.( He even said that the moment he meet me he fell deeply in love and that even if I never had gone out with him he would of worked so hard to come to USA to find me one day) although for his first year he kept hidden to me the fact that his school in germany is 13 years not 12 and well I was okay with it and he came visit me senior year in october and we undoubtly spent as much time together. Then we had rough time that february as i felt neglected but i believe it was just me feeling lonely and worried since it was my senior year and I had sent my applications to Harvard, Stanford, Berkley and( which i got accepted to all 3)we broke up for a bit but I realized i just needed to relax and appreciate more his love. Well we both undoubtley came more in love but his worry was always if I was ever going to germany and turns out
Ashley Young
October 14, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Hello Chris.
I also need a little bit of advice about a guy I was seeing.
We never dated actually in an official way.
I knew him from my college days for 6 years. We were just friends by then and he would drop me a line or two every year to see how I’ve been doing.
Last summer he texted me and we started to talk frequently. Honestly I was never interested in him romantically before so I kept our texts quite casual except some flirting here and there. After a month he wanted to meet up and I wasn’t too keen about it at first. Once we did he started to shower me with affection. Sending me texts day and night and asking me out almost every day inviting me to his place for a movie. I was reluctant at first and didn’t accept most of his advances but in time I started to open up and we hit it off. Went to grab coffee, dinner, worked a little bit together etc. We also got intimate but I was a virgin at that time and we didn’t go all the way. I told him I felt sorry for him cause I wasn’t going to do it yet but he said he was quite happy with how things were. He sent gifts to my workplace, made future plans together and I was getting really close to him.
But one day he just stopped. He was starting a new business at the time and I figured he was just being busy with it. I thought I didn’t care but I was wrong. Once he pulled back all the affection I got crazy like any woman and probably pestered him too much cause I couldn’t understand why he was acting completely opposite of hwo he was befor. I was angry, mad and heartbroken. He finally told me that he didn’t want a serious relationship and he had no energy to keep up with one.He also had a possibility of moving to another country because of work. I got drunk sent him drunk texts and dragged the issue for a month before I finally got it. he didn’t want me.
One year later I couldn’t forget him and started to check his instagram page then sent him a mail which he responded right away. we started talking keeping it casual as possible. But when I asked to meet up he didn’t like the idea because he blew me a little bit. 1 month later it was my birthday and I told him he could swing by the place I was going to celebrate it and wish me a happy birthday during out mails. We did, went to his place and started making out as soon as we walked through the door. He wanted to have sex but I said no. Not tonight. He asked me to stay the night but I said No again and he dropped me home quite dissapointed.
We kept texting on and off but he was still not that guy from thr first time he approached me. It was really the same as where I left him a year ago. He didn’t want to meet often , actually we met only 4 times in 3 months I think. Our second meeting after my birthday (and it was me always asking him out and forcing my way) we had sex for the first time. That night I spent the night at his place. After that whenever I asked to meet he kept saying he was busy and I could understand it because his business from last year failed and he started a new one recently where he was working quite a lot and late because his partner was foreigner and the time difference was making it hard. He was asking me to spend the night before but he didn’t want it anymore, when I brought the subject he kindly refused it.
During this time we started to follow eachother on Instagram but he had hard time doing it and I kind of forced him to do it too. I didn’t understand why he was being so complicated about it but I found out later.
He had some kind of a friend who I think was a friend of his sisters in the first place. They were working together for some photoshoot ( his sister as a model ) These are all my guesses from what I saw in instagram honestly cause he is aclosed box and he never mentions anything deep about his friends to me. Anyway I started to check this girl out cause he was being too flirty with him in instagram. Even in his birtday celebration she was there with him and her sister and maybe no one else( again I am guessing from the pictures). Since I was checking her out I asked my friend to follow her for a while. I am a woman and if I smell something fishy I would follow the trail. One day when we were checking her pictures I saw her laying on his bed. In the picture she wasn’t naked but it looked like she was . I was quite furious .
I called him and asked him about the picture. He said she was being rude by taking a picture like that and he was not home at that time. I asked him twice if she was more than a friend and was he having sex with her. He said No. I don’t have sex with anybody else except you. I said ok but the bad feeling was just there still. But honestly he had no reason to lie cause we were never official. The day after that girl deleted that picture from her instagram page ( it was up there for almost a week before I noticed and told him about it)
My guess about the picture was that it was taking at his birthday. They went to celebrate it with his sister and this girl( don’t know why or how) then they went to his place or maybe evenspent the night at his place. So the sister was with them. And he left early the next morning to go to work so that means she could have the liberty to take any picture she wanted when he wasn’t home. I dont know….
He also kept telling me he still didn’t want a serious relationship and had no energy for one. I said I understand and I am ok with it which was a mistake I know.
One day after I texted him when I was working late he asked me if I had any connection to a stalker he had in instagram. I didn’t but he thought I may had. He said I hope you don’t and didn’t give me any details even if I asked him to. I said no firmly he said ok and I thougth we closed the subject.
By the way remember I asked my friend to follow that girl ? She stopped following her after some time which was 2-3 weeks before the stalker subject.
Anyway after some time he got more and more distant. I literally seduced him but he still didn’t want to meet up. He finally told me we should give eachother some break. I said fine but answer some questions. Because I still had a bad feeling about that girl. My guy maybe seeing her just as a friend but I am sure she was hitting on him,flirting with him. And maybe he liked the attention as well.I asked is she really just your friend? And he said he didn’t want toexplain himself for no reason and he was suspecting me as a stalker now cause I was asking him about the person I found out in instagram. I said no and no over again and he acted like he beleieved me once more but it was just off still.
After this convo I gave him space like he wanted to. But after a week I looked to that girls page in instagram to see she blocked me from viewing her page for some reason. Why? I didn’t know cause she could never know who I was. Just that the day before I liked my guys picture he put up on instagram which she commented like every other picture he had.
I started to suspect him talking about me to that girl. Why else would she know me and block me for no reason? I texted him angry about me not being the stalker and that I had enough of the accusation. He didn’t reply at first then after a few more anrgy texts from me he asked ” What is your underwear doing under my bed? ” I was dumbstruck as what the hell he was talking about?
I called him, he said he couldn’t text because he had a business contact with him and he was driving him. I said fine but what are you talking about? He said I found something and it can only be yours. I was happy and sad at the same time. He thought it was mine for sure because he was only sleeping with me but sad or rather furious because whose was that for real?
I reminded him about the naked picture accident saying ” maybe you should ay more attention to whoever is coming and going to your house” He probably couldn’t put them together.
there was 2 possiblities.
1- It could be his sisters. But If it was his sisters she would ask him or rather just go and find the underwear she forgot/lost at his house. he also said it was new and unused.
2- That girl who was taking naked looking pictures laying on his bed when he wasn’t around could have just tossed an underwear there and if another woman came by she could see and figured he had others besides her. That is the most simple scheme a woman would think of.
As the subject was left unresolved I texted him a few days later about something else to forget it. He responded normally but asked me about the stalker case again. he asked I saw your friend was following that naked picture girl.
We had an argument cause I had enough. Enough was enough. In the end he said we should cut all our contact now if we wanted to forget anything negative between us.
Then I started the no contact period.
Honestly there are a lot more details going on but even this version is longer than I thought.
When I asked could there be a possible future for us? He replied we will see in time. Right now he wasn’t looking for a relationship not with anyone. Not me but also not anyone else. It was not like he wasn’t being with me because there was someone else. there wasn’t. And he just had no energy to keep up with a relationship right now.
Also I know everyone told me he just wanted sex but no. He could have me whenever he wanted but I think that was his way of respecting in a way. he didn’t want to use me.
Do you think I should contact him after the NC? Would it worth this time? Cause I do like him enough to give my virginity but I don’t know how to get that sweet guy from the begining back? he also tells me that I am like a dream come true to many man but not right now for him.
Maybe he is trying to put his life on track for sure cause his business is fairly new and wants to have something serious afterwards? So time is all we need? I just don’t know..
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:30 pm
I think you should contacthim after NC.
Ashley Young
November 27, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Update: Hello again. I contacted him after NC. He usually responded neutral. But for my luck the instagram girl posted a picture about two hands holding eachother (basically a couple in love hand hold ) and her best friend mentioned my guy in her comment. It was quite weird to see that so I asked hm if he was with someone right now. He answered No, nothing has changed. So I was confused.
Next day I couldn’t stop myself to ask him about the picture so I sent him the picture and asked If that was him? I could tell he was a tiny bit annoyed because I asked but he answered seriously.He said It wasn’t him but he knew about the picture ( well he had to since he was mentioned in the comment) but he said I should stop asking about it and shouldn’t think anything about it. As a summary of his texts I thought he was trying to say there was nothing important to think about this situation. Also my gut has been telling me he put some distance between that girl and himself. ( I still think that girl is madly madly in love with him tho.)
Anyway after that convo which I think ended pretty neutral , I sent him a small 2nd contact type of text and he answered the second he got them. And he was watching a soccer game he was deeply interested in! Just 3 texts but I think I am in a pretty good place at the moment. I said goodbye and he sent a smile back before he said goodnight as well. =)
It is much better if we took everything really slow from now on and I am not taking the other woman serious enough to pester him about her anymore.=) Thanks for the website Chris.You are a life saver for real.
Emilie
October 14, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Hi!
I broke up with my boyfriend about three weeks ago. He initiated it saying that things wasn’t the same, that he loved me but he felt like we were not happy together as we were before. We were together for 2 and a half years mostly in a long distance relationship but about three months ago I moved to his country to be closer and managed to be only a four hour drive away sop that we could see each other on weekends. It came as a huge surprise to me and I was (still am) a wreck about it… It is even harder now that I am in a big city on my own so it is hard to think about anything else. After that we texted for about a week because he wants to stay friend but it was very hard for me because it gave me the illusion that it was not really over and even though I tried to keep it light we couldn’t help but mention the breakup and how I was sad etc. After one last text where he said that for him his decision was made and he wasn’t going to change his mind, I was really hurt and asked him that we stop contacting each other for a while so that I can get better. The thing is that like many of you I suppose, I really want him back and I cannot help but think that this is the only thing in the world that I really want because I do love him. I know he is young (22) and that he probably feels like he wants to get more experience with other people but I cannot help but feel that we are right for each other… I haven’t harassed him or stalked him so I got that going for me… Now I am trying my best to not contact him for a while and work on myself to look better and feel better and hopefully see him again. I wanted to ask anyone for advice on this No Contact Rule, do you think it is efficient? Is there a chance we can be together again? Also since we live within a four hour drive distance it will be difficult for me to re-connect with him… I mean if he comes see me or I go see him we will have to sleep at each others places… Which is not that great to try to give it some space at first… Any advice for a broken heart is welcome! 🙂
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:28 pm
I think it is deifnitely worth a try.
Sleeping at each others places is a no no until after NC though.
Elaine
October 14, 2014 at 12:29 am
Hi Chris,
Hope this message finds you well.
This is Elaine from Singapore. 8 sincerely hope you can help me on this. Thank you very much for your kind help and advice in advance.
I knew my Jewish boyfriend on online dating slightly more than 2 years ago. We hit it off online right away and went on chatting everyday. We talked everything even to marriage.
After a few months,he asked me to visit him as he is still studying to be a doctor. I made plans to book the air tickets,but was told by him to postpone the trip twice due to various reasons. When I finally booked my 3rd trip successfully in Aug 2013,he finally confessed he is married as I kept asking him about his wedding ring via Skype. But he told me he love me differently and way more than his wife,because she is Japanese,lives away from him and don’t understand him as well as I do. We are soulmates as what he said. I feel the same too and although being so hurt,I went on the trip because I can’t cancel it anymore.
During the trip,I stayed at his home. His parents are very fond of me and he loves me to death. I asked him and his parents seperately about his marriage. He told me that he is going to get a divorce from her since he can’t live without me now. I had wanted to return him to his wife after my trip,but I really love him so much and he pleaded me not to do so.
In late Dec 2013,he texted me to say that he has finally divorced her and he is so happy to be free from her. He even told me his Mom knows everything about us and is very happy about us together and in love. We fell more deeply in love with each other and he depended greatly on me for everything from his sickness,school,insurance,scholarships,etc. I even lent him lots of money.
We made plans to marry. On Sep 2014,we fought badly because his Japanese wife left an intimate message on his Line profile and I suspect she is there as she used her initials to pick up controlled medicine that he asked me to help him buy for his own sickness. He kept insisting she is not around and even emailed me the engagement ring he bought for me which he wants to surprise me during my upcoming Dec trip.
Then his wife emailed me and asked me not to bother them. She asked me to ask his folks since I don’t believe they are still married. I did and copied his Mom and him in all our email correspondences. His Mom did not respond but according to him,she was very mad. He kept assuring me that I am the only one for him and she was jealous that he left her for me.
A few days later,right before their Jewish New Year,his Mom emailed me alone to tell me they are together and asked me to go away though she knows how amazing I am. I replied her angrily with him on copy telling her everything about us,from he taking my virginity,borrowing my money to promising to propose to me in Dec. I texted him so many times to ask if he actually loves me and wants to marry me and he still wants me to believe him. He said he will explain after the Jewish New Year in end Sep,but I kept texting and calling for his explanation until he blocks me.
Right on the start of New Year,I called him but his Mom picked up and we talked. I told her everything about us. She said she thought we were only good friends but we are Not! She told me his Japanese wife was at his home a few months ago until now too but I told her he has been talking to me all this while on phone,texts and emails. She was so mad that he cheated on both of us and threatened to chase him out of the house. She asked me to forward her everything I have including our conversations and bank statements so that she can confront him and get a fair solution for his wife and me. I did.
He blocked me and refused to talk to me until I called his home again about 2-3 days later. His step-dad picked up and said he is tending to his sick wife and cannot pass him the phone because they want to avoid another drama. I insist on speaking to him,and his step-dad called him to the phone but he refused to pick up saying that the New Year is not over and he cannot use electronics during that time. He called me back a few hours later and he said he cannot speak to me ever again because I destroyed his New Year. It doesn’t matter if he is married or not,but he can’t be with someone who did that.
What followed was many emails,texts and calls to him in the US from my country far away in Singapore. I even sent them flowers to apologize right after. He and his family refused to talk or respond to my calls,emails and texts. I even threatened to go to the police,medical societies and his school to report on the money and the controlled medicine but they still did not respond. I did not do so because I still live him deeply.
He finally picked up my call a few days ago because I contacted his Rabbi to ask if I can join their events in Dec to reconcile with him. He was so mad at me,but I can still sense he loves me because he sounded regretful about what I did. “As though if I have not destroyed his New Year,we can still be together” tone of voice.
He read my messages and thought I had a new man so quickly when I told him this new man was just a friend who is trying to help me get back my money from him the legal way. He sounded so jealous and mad and called me a few times that day. He said he will pay me back the money when he has the money but don’t know when. He said he gonna get a restraining order against me so that I can’t get near his family. I did not even harm or hurt them! I don’t even have the chance to get near them since I am living so far away!
After that we stopped talking again,and yesterday I emailed him and his Mom to say that I will stop bothering them for the time being because I am learning to be a Jewish. I love him deeply and want to convert to a Jew for him. I know his marriage is broken because I saw him on Jdate.com (a Jewish dating website) as a Single Man finding for his soulmate. We are each other’s soulmates and we know each other so well. I told them all these and I will keep waiting and improving myself until they forgive me. They did not respond.
Could you please advise what I can do to win him back? We truly love each other and can’t lose each other at all. We are nearly getting married! His marriage is long broken already since he is also finding someone new now. I done too much for him to let him go and I want to fulfil our life goals together. Please kindly help me Chris.
Thank you very much.
With best regards,
Elaine
admin
October 14, 2014 at 3:57 pm
Wait, he is still married to his wife?
Constanza
October 10, 2014 at 3:17 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I were dating for two years,at first I wasn’t really sure to be with him,so I was seeing other guys,and he was really pacient,and with time I developed feelings for him. We started dating,and I started to get more paranoid and lose myself into this psycho girl. We were fighting a lot the last months,and after a month of trying to bhold on into the relationship hedumped me saying sorry for not staying with me forever but he needs distance and get me out of his life,that he’s depressed but he hopes I’m fine and everything goes well for me. If I use the no contact rule,do you think I’ve got chances to come back? He was the one who didn’t want to end this so many times and now I’m so sad.
admin
October 13, 2014 at 3:35 pm
I think it will prove your chances, definitely.
Ella
November 21, 2014 at 1:02 am
Constanta,
I was just wondering of the NC rule has helped you at all? In in a very similar situation and I have been torn about what to do? I was with a guy and dated him for a couple of years and he seemed to be way more intoe than I was into him. I wasn’t sure if he was the one, so I started talking to someone else. He was very patient and wa always there waiting. We have been getting in fights, but we would always resolve things, even after he said he was done. This time it was different and even after I told him I would move in with him(which he has been BEGGING me to do), he was still saying he was done. He told me he went out with another girl and wanted to see where that goes. I am completely heartbroken because I know he is 100% the one. After he mentioned the other girl, things got pretty ugly between us via text messages and out last conversation (text war) was a week ago tomorrow. I haven’t had any contact with him since.
Krista
October 9, 2014 at 9:13 pm
Hi guys,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after being with him for 16 months. Im 23 and he’s 26. He said he has thought it through and wants to be friends. I am so heartbroken that it has been so difficult for me to do school work and everything else. He’s someone I truly love and I thought we had something special. He was someone who I thought I was going to marry someday. He told me he loved me and would never leave me, well I guess I got fooled on that one. We did talk about our future about getting married and what not and so I need help in showing him what he’s missing and see how lucky of a wonderful woman he had in his life. So I need help in getting him back permanently.To also add that he told me that he can’t imagine his life without me and it would be weird if I wasn’t in his life anymore so I don’t know if that means something or not.
admin
October 13, 2014 at 3:13 pm
Have you attempted any type of NC rule?
Jen
October 9, 2014 at 6:20 pm
My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me three weeks ago. It was after a blow out fight about him not wanting to move forward. We had been fighting about the same thing for a year, with him telling me that he wants to get married and move in, but that the fighting had to stop. He made no attempts to move forward at all and was uncomfortable when I would try to discuss it with him.
There were little things that he would do that would cause me insecurity, such as not giving me a key to his place over 2 years into our relationship, being hesitant to go on vacation, ect. At the same time he would tell me how much he loved me and that he wanted to move forward.
In the big fight I had told him that he needed to take a week to figure out what he wants. He begged me not to and I kept pushing. He then said he was done and I should grab my stuff. He went on a rant that he hadn’t been happy in two years and that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. At the same time he said he just wanted some space. I begged him over the course of a couple of weeks and we had one meeting where we actually talked about the problems and I acknowledge the actions I took that were wrong and contacted a counselor to help work on my insecurity issues. He is also going through a lot of issues with the end of his career as a musician, turning 30, ect.
The day I went to a counselor he texted me that he hoped I had a good appointment and then sent me info on a relationship counselor, saying that her blog sounded like a lot of the things we were going through. He did not want to see her with me, but he is going on his own now. Upon the advice of my counselor, I contacted him to let him know that I respect he needs space but also that I wanted a time limit to know when he might want to get together and discuss the relationship in a month or so time. He freaked out and said that he didn’t have a time and it was indefinite. He then said the demise of the relationship is my fault. I then pointed out the things he did to cause me to be insecure. It wasn’t a good conversation, but i feel like he needed to take some responsibility. We were best friends and did have a really good relationship, with the issues of fighting because he wasn’t moving forward. We discussed marriage and kids; I even looked at engagement rings with his mom.
It’s been a week of no contact and I feel a lot better. I am aware not only that how I dealt with things weren’t healthy but that he has some comittment issues. I am just wondering what you think? Do you think that there is a chance he will change his mind? I just don’t want to feel like I’m holding on to false hope. Please let me know.
admin
October 13, 2014 at 3:11 pm
Just keep on keeping on with the NC.
I think there is always a chance his mind will change but you kind of have to move on without moving on for that to happen and NC is perfect for that.
Jen
October 14, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Hi Chris,
It’s officially week two. This weekend my ex liked one of my instagram photos. This seems like not a big deal, except that I told him not to contact me unless he wants to work on the relationship.
Also, his Grandmother called me out of the blue and spoke to me. She said that he had cried the day after the breakup and told her that he loves me and that he is scared. He does not show his emotions very easily. She told me she would talk to him this weekend.
Are these good signs? Am I looking into the instagram thing too much? Do you think I will receive any significant contact from him?
Marija
October 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm
Hi Chris,
I really need your opinion. My ex and I were in a relationship for three and a half years. Most of the time we were fighting about everything. He was extremely jealous and didn’t believe me although I was trying on every possible way to prove him that there’s nothing to be worried about. He’s been selfish and did things that hurt me and didn’t really care about that. It was OK for him to do them but not for me. The previous time we broke up, he said that he needed space in the relationship and that I should stop picking fights for everything. I was OK with that and I tried to give him the space and time he needed. I’ve stopped picking fights and did the things the way he liked. But once more he wasn’t pleased. It’s been a week since we last broke up. Two days after the break up, we talked about our relationship and he said that it was better this way because he didn’t want a relationship where he’ll be constantly fighting. I can say that I was sometimes very needy and clingy girlfriend but that’s because he was acting so indifferently and didn’t want to try to make the relationship better, he was just sitting there, waiting for me to do the whole effort and make the things right. Since then, I was following your NC and didn’t call him or text him under any circumstances and tried to make him see that I’m OK with the decision he made. I noticed that he’s constantly online on facebook (which is so unusual for him) doing things that he knows I didn’t like and that’ll hurt me or even make me jealous. On one hand I know that he’s feeling happy now being finally single but on the other hand I want to know if he’s trying to get my attention and make me call him (which has always worked before) by doing this things. He also stopped saying hello to my friends when he sees them. I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know whether I should move on or wait for his call. I would be extremely grateful if you give me your opinion.
Thank you in advance.
Best regards,
Marija
admin
October 13, 2014 at 3:07 pm
CAn I ask you a question.
Do you think his jealous nature will ever improve?
Marija
October 13, 2014 at 11:19 pm
I don’t know, but I think that it would be possible, only if he is willing to stop comparing other people’s experience with the events in his own life and relationship. The mistakes that they made are not mine and he needs to deal with that once and for all and I know that that’s a tough job but I’m willing to do it, only if I knew what precisely I should do. He was always the most important person in my life and I never hid that from him. I think that that was my biggest mistake, me boosting his ego up too much.
Amy
October 8, 2014 at 8:30 pm
Hi Chris,
It has been just less than a week since first contact and it went well – it was friendly, short and I felt in control. We’ve talked a couple of times since then, him starting one of the said conversations.
How long should I wait between now and texting him about the ‘good times’? Should I just use my gut feeling and do it when it feels right?
Thank you.
admin
October 9, 2014 at 1:42 pm
Yes, use your gut feeling on when it feels right.
Sarah
October 8, 2014 at 3:44 pm
Hi, I could really do with some advice please.
I work with my ex boyfriend. I was instantly attracted to him when I started 18 months ago, he wore a wedding ring but some times our eyes met and it was obvious there was an attraction. A few months later I noticed the wedding ring had been removed & he was running half marathons & doing triathlons all the time… later discovering that his (now Ex) wife had been having an affair & had left him taking their 2 year old son with her.
On a night out a few months ago we got together & he’d admitted to fancying me even when he was married & since had been fantasising about me. We had an amazing time together, and friends told me how jealous they were of what we’d found.
He’s now ended the relationship because he says his head’s all over the place with missing his son & the rejection of his ex. He’s frightened of making the same mistake & thinks he should already feel as though he’s in love. He says he still fancies me, the chemistry is amazing, he enjoys talking to me and spending time together but he’s scared.
I would love to have the chance of NC but I see him everyday, I walk past his desk a dozen times. I’ll hit the gym & make myself the happiest & best I can be but am I just wasting my time? He always notices what I’m wearing, how I wear my hair.. ect..
It took a lot to let him into my life after rejection of my own & after him wanting me for 18 month I thought we actually stood a chance.
He’s 36 and I’m 43.
Thanks in advance x
admin
October 9, 2014 at 1:31 pm
Seems like he moved on too fast without confronting the issues of his relationship.
Ashw
October 8, 2014 at 1:16 pm
Hello
my boyfriend broke-up with me after a year of dating ( on our 1 year anniversary)! saying that our personalities don’t match and that he doesn’t want me think something wrong with me .. its just we dont match! and he can’t think serious about me not now ..not even later!
beginning of our relationship we were so happy spending romantic weekends together as he lives in another country close to mine, so it was long distance relationship! but we made sure to make the best of it and keep texting everyday and calling each other, and sending pics back and forth just to narrow down the distance between us.
when we firts met, he stated clearly that he wants something serious of this relationship as he is looking for a partner(wife) and i showed him that i have same interest, and we proceeded in our relationship on those basis.
after 3 months of our relationship i noticed that he is not yet acting in any way that he is serious (i just didn’t try to ask him or push him to say anything), for instance, he never even talks about Ex wife, never talks about his family … he was very vague and discrete!
but yet, and as we proceed to the 7 month of our relationship, i started showing him that am not ok and kinda can’t fully trust his intentions if he doesnt talk about those things and we started fighting! next day we talk again and everything is back to normal .. coz i simply compromised not bringing up any of those things again. i’ll just wait til he thinks its the right time for him to share it all with me.
we traveled together many times, for some reason we both kept fighting, coz i was upset from inside that he is not clear with me and was under alot of pressure doubting his intentions! then again, i apologize and come up with excuses for me being grumpy and continue in this as if nothing happened…
until he took me to his home country, to meet his mom, see where he grew up.. etc. were he said its where we should decide if we gonna make it or break it! ( since he is moving to his home country in 2 years from now) and wanted to know if i;m gonna like living there and we would work together in there as husband and wife!
unfortunately things didnt go well, as i felt he only needed company since he is staying for almost 2 months in there alone. i felt he is not caring, he is selfish, and wants to do things he only wants, never cared about me and what i want. i was fighting with him all the time over silly things, coz i was frustrated and feeling he is not bringing me here to move farther with our relationship as he claims! then make up and hour later and pretend it didn’t happen (as usual)!
after spending a whole month with him in his home country, it was time for me leave back to my country where i live. he dropped me off at the airport and started crying .. was very emotional! and said i’ll try to come see u after here for sure.
a couple of days later, we had this phone call were i stressed him saying the he doesn’t care about me not texting me all day were he said this is it! i can’t take it anymore and started criticizing me being negative all the time and i see its best for us to move on! i was shocked and crying asking him why! he was cold and harsh saying he cant be serious with me or do any commitment not now not later and ended the phone call.
i felt horrible, couldnt sleep at all, til next morning i texted him saying that i’m sorry and i feel bad and i want you to give me a second chance to make things right coz i dont wanna lose u (yes, i was desperate and shocked!)
he replied ok, we’ll talk again. have a good day!
this kinda gave me sign of hope that he wants to talk and give it a chance to work out again. i was waiting for him to talk about it again, but for days no texts from him at all, thats when i decided to text him, started asking him about his job, family, friends.. etc and then asked him to call and talk.
he called and i started talking about giving this a chance to work it out, and that am gonna change for better, were he completely refused and said he sees no point of giving another chance and its waste of time as he doesnt care about me anymore! and said you should move on and even see new people! i tried to argue with him but he didnt listen at all and said i have to go and hung up! he was so harsh!
i felt so weak and still in shock, sleepless and miserable and almost had nervous collapse! i texted him straight after the phone call saying that if u think u r ready to see new people, then go for it i won’t hold u back from it. wish u all the best in that.
and never contacted him after!
its been 3 days since that, never heard back from him, and am going all insane as time goes by without hearing from him!
i really love him, he was nice guy and caring, yes he has some flaws that accepted and didn’t mind. I feel that i was recently pushing him away as i needed to know what he wants from us! its been a year and nothing clear!
what shall i do! please help 🙁
admin
October 9, 2014 at 1:20 pm
So, how long have you been in NC exactly?
Ashw
October 10, 2014 at 1:12 pm
a week.
marija
October 8, 2014 at 2:59 am
Hey Chris, first off thank you for your advise. On October 3rd around 11pm my “EXBOYFRIEND” and I got into a heated argument. We were both intoxicated, he in particular had quite a significant amount of alcohol to drink. He got jealous simply because of me talking to his friend rather then giving him my full attention. He knows I dislike smoking, so to relieve his stress and get back at me for my actions he stepped out to smoke, while doing so he brought his keys, making me assume he’s going to drive off drunk. It worried me and his friend so we went to check him out. Of course because his friend also smokes he joined him. This really pissed me off because he never smokes any other time were together since he normally respects my wishes of him not to. I got a little out of habd and grabbed the cigarette and stepped on it on the ground. The argument was then taken inside and he used foul words and told me “I don’t love you” and then I asked him “if you don’t love me why didn’t you dump me sooner?” he tried to say because of my family.. now could he mean that from the bottom of his heart or was the alcohol talking for him in the heat of the moment. After hearing those things I smashed a glass on the floor out of rage, it helped for me to get all my anger out. He did say we’re broken up and for me to get the heck out of his house, he gave me 5 mins. I agreed at that time by saying “it’s ok after I take my stuff my ride will come get me I’ll walk out and never come back here.” I ended up grabbing my things and leaving. I have not reached him in any way even though the day after (October 4th) he text me saying “crazy fucking bitch.” We have been together for just over 2 years and we have had a break up before and he came crawling back to me by sending me an emotional song, asking me if I wanted to try us again and told me he misses me. Now what is the likely hood of this happening again? Will he come back to me? Does he really mean what he said? Why did he text me that rude remarks if he is the one who said it’s over? Please please help Chris it would mean a lot! Thank you!
admin
October 8, 2014 at 1:10 pm
Definitely implement the NC rule in this case.
marija
October 8, 2014 at 8:07 pm
Okk will do! Thanks again!
Kathryn
October 8, 2014 at 12:23 am
Hello, some background information first. I dated my ex boyfriend for 7 months (half the time was spent in the summer and we only saw each other twice) We broke up a little less than a month ago for really no apparent reason. We had just had our first big fight, but we had talked about it and apologized to each other. Then a week later he broke up with me because he says he doesn’t think he’s mature enough for a relationship and won’t be until he’s 28 (we’re 20). I think that a possible reason we broke up is because he was very stressed out at the time, and made a rash decision. A couple days later when we calmed down, we met up to talk about the breakup and it went well. However, when I arrived at the coffee shop, he had already bought me a drink which I thought was unusual. He also offered to let me use his jacket when we went on a walk. These seemed like very couplely things to do for someone you just broke up with. He told me that he enjoyed having me in his life and that he wanted to be friends because I understand him more than other people. He then drove me home and gave me a hug saying that if I ever needed to get away from my roommates that I should call him and he’d come get me. I got very mixed signals from him. Recently however, I have been trying the no contact rule and I’m 2 weeks in. I guess I’m wondering about if you think the “not mature enough for a relationship” is a real reason or not. We had only had one major fight and we’re happy throughout our relationship. I’ve thought about my reasons for wanting to be back with him, and I believe they are legit (ex: we could have intelligent conversations about important things in our lives and we supported the other with everything they wanted to do). I guess I just don’t know if I’m wasting my time with him or if I do have a chance of getting him back.
admin
October 8, 2014 at 1:05 pm
You have a chance… that doesnt guarantee success though so don’t get a big head haha.
Jodie
October 7, 2014 at 3:27 am
Hi Chris,
Wonderfully insightful to us ladies out there! Thank-you…
This could be really different, will leave with you.
My BF of 5 months had the most wonderful relationship..long distance but everyday we would be in touch over 20 times via texts, phonecalls etc…we were the type of couple that made people jealous lol!
We also saw each other in between and the lead up was just pure excitement. Nothing was wrong at all until…
He took me away to his favourite place on earth we and stayed with his friend. Just prior to going I had a dental procedure done and was feeling quite ill but got some antibiotics and painkillers, was feeling ok by the time we got to our destination. There was wine tasting as we had planned to do and then some more alcohol over dinner. Then my tooth actually broke off, I got upset and to be honest, I can’t remember a lot of what happened after that. I reacted very badly to what I now know was a systemic infection and all the meds I was taking. Shouldn’t have happened but it did and it ended our trip on a bad note. I had to leave early, and some days later, found out I said things that were not only weird, but hurtful to him which he is taking so personally. Not trying to excuse what happened, I seemed to have turned into the ‘devil’s child’ or something which I simply am not! Nothing had ever happened like this on any of our previous outings, just great times…it’s so embarrassing I can’t even tell you.
He was really angry initially but when I found out more, I immediately was so sorry, so embarrassed etc. I even wrote to the friend and explained some things that provided a reason in a heartfelt way, apologised profusely. It would have embarrassed him too. Such a confusing time. Since then he went back to that place with is young son and sent me a whole bunch of pics but still wasn’t normal, just letting me know what he was doing etc. He knows this couldn’t have been ‘me’. Nothing prior to it would even have suggested it. There has been no phonecalls from him, just texts but only because I mostly initiated. I am so sorry about it, but I wasn’t in a position to help it and since the whole infection thing has caused food intolerances, weight loss, the whole body melt down thing! But getting there. I’m onto it!!
Anyway, the last text between us was 4 days ago and the actual incident was just over 2 weeks ago. One of his last texts he said he was no longer angry, just disappointed that our beautiful exciting weekend ended the way it did and that he missed me also. I decided to do this NC thing as I felt he wasn’t there and haven’t had anything more from him…he was silencing me out for days tho in his anger…I’m not sure if he can separate what happened from what we actually were…I’m sure he’s really hurt by it and I have done everything I can from where I am so sorry…but I felt I was or could be seen as pathetic if I keep going…I have fought for us and he knows how I feel about him and knows the reasons behind what happened to me now, I guess he is just either over it or processing it…he is about to receive a beautiful photo album of the all the photos he sent me of him and his son while they were recently away. I put this together to show him that the person I may have been for a few hours one night was not the one I was before that nor after, and that yes I care. I know no-one has ever done that for him, and I used to send him things all the time.
I do hope to hear from him but then only decided I should do the NC after I sent it as I feel I need to know if he’s there for real. It’s something that does happen to people and feel it’s not something that we couldn’t get past if only he could see it really wasn’t about us. There was no confirmed break-up, like it wasn’t said. He hasn’t ever phoned me since that fateful night tho. Should I just assume it is a break-up and keep going with NC even tho? I kept up some of our normal things for a bit like saying goodnight and missing him but have stopped that 4 days ago. I know he will love this album. It will be hard not to respond if he tried to call or texts me about it. What would I do there??
He hasn’t deleted me off facebook and for the past few days I have been posting things as I would out there etc, alluding in a couple to feeling better amongst friends. Anyway, NC rule or no NC rule here?? I don’t want to seem rude to him, seeing as it was about me but do need to know on a deeper level if he is really there and past this?? Just want to grow old with someone that loves the shit outta me lol! Thanks Chris :))
Jodie
October 7, 2014 at 7:16 pm
He did end up texting – no pet name, said he got my lovely parcel and ended it like ‘it’s been an interesting week…’
Mmmm, no obviously not past it and leaving it to me respond…I haven’t
Ashly
October 3, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Hey Chris. So far, I’m on my third week of NC and just yesterday, my ex walked over to my house (he lives across the street from me) and talked to me. We chatted for a few minutes and then I politely ended the conversation. Then, not long after that, he came back and invited me to have dinner with him and his parents. I didn’t want to be rude, so I said yes. I think he might still be interested in me, because he always lights up when he sees me around and he hugged me like three times when we saw each other yesterday. He didn’t tell me explicitly, but I have a strong feeling that he broke up with me because I acted needy during the relationship, which is why when we did interact, I didn’t “shadow him” or “overstay my welcome” like I used to do. My question is that, since we talked yesterday, should I continue with NC as planned or do I need to start over? Thanks for reading!
admin
October 6, 2014 at 11:32 am
Hmm… no try to advance things if you are picking up ques that he may be interested in you.