The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Felicia

March 2, 2015 at 9:33 pm

Hey can someone email me at feliciamartinez44@gmail.com and help me on some advice I really need it:/ ok thank u

admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:35 pm

Why can’t you just ask your question here Felicia?

Eggroll

March 2, 2015 at 3:56 pm

Hey, perfect guide, I wish I had found this 2 months ago! Went through a very rough emotional patch last year and as such kept cutting my ex off, saying I didn’t want to see him anymore then being clingy… I don’t think I can salvage the contact phase! I love this guide and am following it happily, but my only chance of speaking to him is casually when he is on the door at a club we frequent… I plan on being cheery and beautiful and casual, but I absolutely cannot text or initiate with him. What can I do instead? I don’t mind just turning up to the same events and being polite and interested in him when I see him, but can I throw some of the jealousy elements in there (chatting with men while out) to progress things, do you think? For any hope at all I need to show him I’ve changed and that I’m moving on, but still care about him, very hard to do when I can no longer text him. In the last few months I looked like shit, but I’m usually very attractive, so I’ve done my hair and got some new clothes, this Sunday he will see me in my former glory. Hopes are up but I expect nothing!

Tl;dr what to do when you have been clingy, or reeled him in then freaked out one too many times? I’ve really changed my outlook on it and I forgive him for not knowing how to help me and becoming tired of me too.
Moon

March 2, 2015 at 2:35 pm

So if no matter what I try to do, my ex just doesn’t want me anymore. But I still deeply love him and I don’t want to give up.
What should I do in advance?
V

March 2, 2015 at 4:27 am

If he and I are in a different country, How could I reach the last step?

admin

March 2, 2015 at 9:41 pm

You should read the LDR articles.

They are more applicable to your situation.

May

March 1, 2015 at 3:30 am

Hello Chris! Thanks for your effort here n please let me share my problem with my boyfriend too.Before I start NC , I called him n SMS him but he didn’t respond to anything. So I decided to start NC and now I’m in my second weeks. He also contact me neither. I want to know what is this situation and what should I do after 1 month NC period? Please help me ;(
Lily

February 28, 2015 at 7:33 pm

(FYI: If it helps, I commented on this article under the same name on Feb 22)
My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me about 2 months ago because he wasn’t happy in our relationship any longer. We had a very close, loving relationship. I recently found out from my best friend that he started a new relationship shortly after we broke up, maybe a week or two later. I don’t know if he and this girl were seeing each other when we were still dating. My friend said she had seen my ex and this other girl sitting close to each other/cuddling at youth group, and she had seen them hug after a basketball game. I don’t know this girl well, but my friends say she’s with a lot of guys and she’s a flirt. Yesterday, my friend happened to talk to my ex, and she mentioned to him that she knew about his new relationship. He said he “didn’t want to talk about her and what she did to him,” but he ended up telling my friend anyway: This other girl ended things with my ex because she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready to date. My ex stayed up until 3 am “thinking about it,” and he wasn’t going to give up so he emailed her repeatedly without a response. My ex even showed my friend the emails between them. Last night, my friend and my ex were at youth group together. She said he acted depressed and cringed at love songs that came on the radio. He told someone there that he had been dumped. I had noticed that my ex had been acting depressed lately. Normally, we would make eye contact a few times during the day, but lately he doesn’t even look in my direction, acknowledge my existance or anything. He didn’t act this depressed after our break up.
Since he entered a relationship with this girl shortly after our relationship ended, I automatically assumed it was a rebound relationship, but he was upset this other girl had dumped him and emailed her repeatedly, so is it really? It hurts to know that he is actively trying to save this one month long relationship with a girl that doesn’t even have feelings for him, and he moved on so quickly from a 2 1/2 year relationship with me. Was he using this other girl to “fill the void?” Has he been (pretty much) avoiding me lately perhaps because he feels guilty? I would love your insight to my situation. Thank you so much!

Lily

March 1, 2015 at 5:22 pm

I saw him today, and some pretty weird stuff happened. He looked at me across the room a lot and gave me some seductive sideways smiles, which I thought was odd, given we’re not dating anymore. He came up to me later and rubbed my back (which he did often when we dated) and said hey, and asked me how I was doing. I said I was fine. He said that he missed me. Why in the world is he acting this way??? He’s pretty much been ignoring me for a while while he dated the rebound girl, and now that they’re broken up, he’s suddenly talking to me again? Is he only saying this stuff because his rebound relationship didn’t work out? Please give me some insight into this because I have no idea how to interpret this! Thanks again Chris!
Lily

March 4, 2015 at 12:16 am

Can you please give me your advice? I’d appreciate it! 🙂
admin

March 5, 2015 at 8:28 pm

Sure!

Can you do me a favor though.

List your questions in number format.

For example,

1. Question 1
2. Question 2

and so on and so forth.
Lily

March 6, 2015 at 1:08 am

Sorry, I figured how I had it typed out would make it confusing.
1. Why did he ignore me when he was dating the rebound girl, but is talking to me now (since their breakup)?
2. Why would he beg for the rebound girl back if she was just that (a rebound)? especially since he knows the rebound girl doesn’t like him in that way
3. Is he only saying he misses me because the rebound relationship failed?
4. Why did he act depressed after the rebound broke up with him but not after breaking up with me? I’m not saying our breakup didn’t depress him, but after our breakup he seemed to be fine and after theirs he was visibly sulking.
Lily

March 9, 2015 at 2:42 pm

Thanks for your help!
admin

March 13, 2015 at 4:05 pm

Your welcome Lily!
Lily

March 16, 2015 at 2:18 am

Can you please answer my questions? Since you asked me to write them out I assumed you’d answer them, haha.
admin

March 18, 2015 at 7:00 pm

Hi Lily,

I am so sorry I am getting caught up in other stuff and all I saw was the thank you for your help comment.

1. Maybe him and rebound girl are having trouble and hes drawn to old faithful (you.)
2. B/c he cant have her. Remember, men want what they can’t have.
3. Maybe not… remember a rebound distracts a man from confronting his true feelings about his past relationship.
4. Again, see number three for this one.
Lily

March 20, 2015 at 2:15 am

He’s been talking to me nearly every day this week. Today when we were talking in person he even flirted with me a little bit. I’m definitely glad that he’s being nice to me but I’m afraid that he just is being friendly and wants nothing more than a friendship. How can I tell if he just wants to be friends or more than friends? I don’t want to mistake everything nice he says as flirting.

Jo

February 28, 2015 at 2:33 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Although it was not a very long relationship, we were very passionate for each other and fell in love really quickly. In short, we started arguing a lot when I started getting really busy in med school. He got sick of the fighting one day and told me “he couldnt take it anymore.” He told me he still loves me but that he just doesnt think we can date “right now” bc I’m too busy to work on the relationship and that maybe we can reconcile again when I’m done with this school year. When we broke up, I tried to convince him to reverse his decision, but luckily I didnt beg and eventually just agreed with it. He said that he still wants me in his life and even mentioned that we should go out and eat one day. Sometimes he would text me randomly to update me about his life. Why is my ex bf giving me such mixed signals? Is he intentionally just trying to string me along or is he serious about the chance of us reconciling in the future? Or does he really just want to be friends? I already told him that I need some space from him in the meantime and that maybe we’ll be friends one day in the future. After reading about the no contact rule, I will start implementing that. Hopefully its not too late…since it already been 2 weeks since our break up.
Val

February 28, 2015 at 11:32 am

Hi Chris, it’s me again!

I did a succesful nc and got a positive responce from my ex after the initial text. But now I get the feeling he feels forced to answer my texts, his tone went from positive to neutral… What do I do? Do I pause for a (few) week(s) and text again or should I keep going? I ve always kept the texts light and airy and followed your “rules”. I know he had a bit of a rough time the last couple of days, is he just taking it out on me?

Thanks so much!
Tiffany

February 27, 2015 at 8:20 pm

I was with my bf for a little over 2 years. He decided early on that we would be together – a little early/overwhelming for me but I was happy and went along with it. I was SO fixated on the outcome (getting married) that didn;t really spend time on the relationship. He and some of my friends always said I had one foot out of the relationship – I never understood that until now. I would talk about breaking up all the time. A little over a month ago I told him I want some time to myself and he said ok. I called him twice in the following week (pretending it was fine) and he said no he wants a break so I said ok.He didn’t want to talk about how the long break or anything. A week later he had an unexpected surgery. He didn’t tell me but had his sister reach out to me to “let me know”. I contacted him via text just for that and he’d respond to that only and didn’t ask anything about me. I wanted to follow the no contact and then text etc that you have above but didn’t. I did follow the no contact but did try calling him yesterday. He didn’t pick up. Before I would try calling a few times and text him to call me and he would. This time no voicemail just a missed call I guess. I am wondering if I should still try your text tactic in a few days or does it change since I called him now?
Olivia

February 27, 2015 at 12:54 am

Um well long story short, I had a boy friend for about 9 months and boy was I really freaking happy. We hit a rough patch in January and he sought other companions on omegle. He found this girl that lives in Australia and he essentially flirted with her. I didn’t know about this until 2 weeks ago when I went through his phone and found his kik (when I didn’t know he had a kik) I realized something was wrong the last time he came to my house. We were watching a movie and I noticed he was texting someone. But when I looked over, he hid his phone for me and turned his phone to the point where I couldn’t see the screen. But I didn’t think anything of it so I ignored it but it happen again. But i still thought that it couldn’t be happening to me. Fast forward to when i found out about this girl from Australia, I confronted him that night and he told me the truth. And we later talked about the situation the next day. I told him that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and he agreed. He could have been dating her and she could have lived in the same city as we do. So that was my reasoning. But later on that day he told me that we really needed a break and I went crazy. I begged him not to do it. And he said it was just just a break. And keep in mind our 9th anniversary was going to be on valentine’s day. So i kept waiting for a message through that long weekend.(i had a four day weekend) And nothing. I confronted him last Tuesday (2-17-15) and that’s when he finally told me that it was over. He told me that he no longer loved me and that he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. I ask his friends how he is doing and they say that he seems fine and seems to be taking it all very well, which is something rather disturbing because I’ve been miserable this past week.

Even though he said that he didn’t love me anymore and also said that he just doesn’t feel the same, do you think i can still get him back with the techniques from the book? I know that one cannot turn off love like a light switch, but he is definitely the type of person to fulfill what he says. He is very stubborn and seemed very serious about his decision.

Olivia

March 5, 2015 at 10:51 pm

Hi:)
do you think there is a good chance of us getting back together even though he said what he said?
admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:43 pm

Theres a chance..

Amanda

February 26, 2015 at 4:54 pm

Update: He also texted me late last night with “I hope all is OK”… thoughts?
Pororo

February 26, 2015 at 4:22 pm

I and my ex have been together for about 2 years. But suddenly, he said that we had better break up because he thought we didn’t go along with each other and he also in love with another girl. We were in long distance relationship and now, he is back home. I was a needy girl, begged and he agreed to think about us one more time. Then he contacted me again just to talk and also wanted to skype with me.
I did think that our relationship was improving because, you know, he started contact me may mean that he miss me or he want to love again.
However, now I think he just does that because of being polite to me. I did think that the biggest problem is other girl, but now I realize the biggest problem is his feeling. No matter I do NC, how I improve myself, the problem is he doesn’t love me anymore. I can not attract him. It feels like nobody wants to wear old clothes after taking shower, right? 🙁 Especially now, he has moved on. Although that girl hasn’t accept him yet, but in his mind, I am not important anymore. Once time he said that our relationship did end completely to him, but because I beg so he agreed to think again. He said that he is not ready for our relationship now, but he is not sure if he can come back or not. He just asked me to wait. But you know, waiting like that is a terrible feeling.
It’s a sad fact and it makes me feel hopeless. You will say I shouldn’t beg or being needy, right? But he is very important to me that I can try to do anything to get him back. I just want him back as soon as possible because the longer time takes, the longer distance between us.
What should I do now??

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:23 pm

Well, read some of the articles more relavant to your situation with the other girl then!

Porii

February 26, 2015 at 3:58 am

Hey, Chris.

So I recently broke up with my ex a few weeks ago (he was the one who decided this), and it’s literally almost impossible to get over him because we go to the same school. I am using the NC, as you’ve mentioned, but whenever I meet up with him at school, he usually treats me the same way he treated me when we we’re both dating, for example, he would hug me, or fist-bump, or even try to hold my hand. Sometimes my ex would watch me with some other guys (I have a lot of guy friends) and tries his best to jump into my group of friends just to get close to me, and then leaves. This has been going on for a while now, and I know he doesn’t love me the way that he used to because my friend pulled the wrong move for me.
What should I do?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:07 pm

I think he might be getting jealous if he is jumping into your conversations like that.

Sarah

February 26, 2015 at 1:13 am

Hi Chris – can you give me some insight? It’s Sarah from Feb 24st.

admin

March 1, 2015 at 5:57 pm

I am sorry sarah you have been lost in the shuffle here.

I have answered about a thousand people since Feb 24th….

Mind refreshing my mind.

Kitty

February 26, 2015 at 1:06 am

Chris my ex bf have been texting me continuously everyday talking abt nothing important suddenly today he asked me my stuffs at his place do I still want to collect it. How shd i reply? why he suddenly say this..?
Amanda

February 25, 2015 at 3:31 pm

Hi!

I feel ridiculous even writing this, but I am willing to give anything a shot. My boyfriend of just short of a year broke up with me a few days ago. I knew something was up over the last few weeks. He seemed off to me. Every time I would ask what was wrong, he would say nothing. I’ll admit, I started to nag, mainly because I knew I. My guy something was wrong. We broke up this past Sunday after him telling me he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship anymore or future plans. This is coming from the guy who always talked about the future with me. AL WAYS. He recently got a promotion at work. And I feel, or want to feel, a lot of the issue comes from that. We have had fights before but I’ve always talked him down and he would respond with I love you so much. One side says to leave the other says to stay because he thinks what we have is special. We dated for a year when we were younger as well. He didn’t have the greatest of childhoods and definitely has some issues stemming from that. I went crisis mode naturally and have been trying to talk to him. To each response (he does respond) he states he just needs some time and space to think about things. That I was smothering his recently (since I knew something was wrong and he wasn’t telling me). Today is the first day he will be waking up to no contact from me. I blocked him on Facebook cause I cannot stand seeing his profile pictures change and new friend requests. What should I do? I’m 27, he’s 30. And has said before he isn’t where he wants to be in his life yet (house, finances, etc). I want to give him the space he requests because I love him dearly. But thus is killing me. Any advice is appreciated.

Amanda

February 26, 2015 at 5:17 pm

Somehow my reply got deleted.

He recently got promoted from field technician to sales. Lots of new information and his manager isn’t a gem with training him or providing insight. He’s 30. I’m 27. He lives with his mom and has voiced many times about not having his own place yet, etc. The promotion cuts his base pay but could double his income with commission. I’m finishing my residency in ear nose and throat in may. His last relationship was 2 years and they lived together. He broke things off and moved back home. I haven’t spoken to him in 2 days and he texted me last night saying he hopes all is OK. It was a very late text. I was a mess when he was breaking up with me. But I’ve left him ve the last 2 days. He said we were broken up but that he needed time and space to think about things and to please understand.

Any input would really help, it’s hard to see patients today.
admin

February 25, 2015 at 10:08 pm

Where is he at currently in his life?
Amanda

February 25, 2015 at 10:24 pm

He just was promoted at his job from field technician to sales. Pay cut in base but room for double the money with commission. Has to learn all new stuff and manager isn’t a gem with helping him or guidance. He’s 30, 31 in July. He’s told me in the one multiple times, we even wrote up our wedding guest list for shits and giggles a few months ago. Last relationship they lived together and he broke it off and moved back home. That was about 6 months before we got together. He lives with his mother. Father passed after a very bad relationship. I’m 27 and finishing my residency in ear, nose and throat in may.
Amanda

February 25, 2015 at 9:52 pm

I forgot to mention he was usually spending nights at my house 4-5 days a week. And we were always together.
Amanda

February 25, 2015 at 9:53 pm

Whoops meant “knew in my gut”.

Mira

February 25, 2015 at 6:23 am

Hi Chris
I followed exactly the rules , during the NC he saw me at gym and than we met again walking on the beach but I pretend as I didn’t see him.
While we were together I ordered a gift for him but I didn’t give it to him because I just received it.
So what would be better send him the gift with a note , what if he calls after getting the gift !! I know he might not take it but at the same time he wil love it.
Plz help tell me what should I do !??? Text him first n thn try the meet up to give my gift or send him a gift with a note , I really have feelings for him n during the NC I always had positive that we will be back after few months .
Thanks Chris

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:39 pm

NO GIFTS!

Thats always an unsuccesful ploy.

Have you followed the texting rules?
Mira

February 27, 2015 at 6:32 pm

I did last night
Mira

February 26, 2015 at 3:02 am

No texting yet just more days with the NC
Mira

February 25, 2015 at 9:57 pm

I didn’t text him yet m still giving more time to the Nc

Kelly -J

February 24, 2015 at 12:29 am

Should i contact him again or just give up?

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:21 pm

If you have already attempted NC then yes, contact him and abide by the guidelines I have set up.
Kelly -J

February 24, 2015 at 11:55 pm

Really? 🙁 even though he said that he was “dead” ?

Ruth

February 23, 2015 at 11:27 pm

Hey Chris, thank you for your wonderful work here!

Me and my boyfriend had been dating for a year before breaking up a few days ago. There is no hard feelings really, but the main reason is that he had to move abroad late last year and it has been difficult for both of us. He is coming home for a visit in a few days and I suggested we would meet up and return our personal things to one another.
He is coming to see me in a couple of days and I’m really stressed since I’m nervous of losinh him out the door and from the country.
He will move back to the country this summer. What do you recommend I do?
He was the one to break it off after about three days of disgussing the situation in tears. This is obviously as hard on him as it is on me, so just maybe your plan will worl after nc.
My main question is – eith him out of the country fir the next 12 weeks – should I tackle my situation any differently?

Best regards
Ruth

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:21 pm

You are welcome ruth!

Also, don’t forget to check out the podcast.

No, I think you would treat it normally just try to get a date for when he comes back. Build up enough attraction over that point.

Sarah

February 23, 2015 at 6:44 pm

Hi there Chris. I am in day 7 of NC. You’re advice is absolutely right-on-target. I was getting itchy over the last day or so to call him, fought the urge, and I get a text from him with “How r u doing? You have some mail over here. Do you want me to put it back in the box or you can come to the house?” I only texted back robitically, “Please put my mail in the box and I will get it when U get off work” Can I take this one as he was thinking about me, or he just wanted to give me my mail?

Thank you so much for all of the insights. It’s really pushed me for some personal growth.

Sarah

February 23, 2015 at 6:52 pm

Edit from above:Sorry, *”when I get off work”*
Sarah

February 24, 2015 at 12:55 am

**Update: He’s texting alot, wanting to talk to me. Asking if I’m mad, then saying that he tried to make it easy for the both of us. 7 texts back to back, and now he believes I want to make him suffer. Ha! Suffer from what?
Chris – I know you’re beyond busy, but I need some insight, staying strong and keeping to no contact.

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8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”