The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Doreta

October 8, 2013 at 2:04 pm

After a first contact him when i should text for good times, i mean how much i have to wait after a first move to pass in move 2,3,4.. Etc

admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:11 am

I do a good job explaining this in the E-Book so I would get that if you want the full know how.

But if you are getting positieve responses I would say every couple of days (after positive responses) you progress.

Shannon

October 8, 2013 at 3:39 am

Me and my ex had been doing a long distant relationship we’ve known each other for over year and we’ve been dating for almost 5 months. 2 days ago Recent things had happen like trust issues starting arguments and me not knowing that his younger brother had died from cancer I kept fighting with him. The next night i continued to fight then he finally told me what happened but he had realized how much he has hurt me and told me that i deserve so much better and that he doesn’t want to hurt me no more. Every time I would say no it’s fine we can make this work he would just tell me to stop and let him go. I need help i really love him.

admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:41 am

You should really check out the LDR post.

Kay

October 8, 2013 at 12:56 am

Hey Chris,

So me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. We were together for a year and a half, lived together, tried to have children, and he had already gotten my engagement ring on layaway. My point is that we were very serious and absolutely deeply in love. I unfortunately had a drinking problem and even tho I tried to get better he said it was too much and he couldn’t deal with it anymore. He got a gf like right after we broke up… I am madly in love with this man and I know we are meant to be together. What should I do? I haven’t talked to him in 3 weeks… Please tell me how to get the love of my life back..??

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:23 am

Step 1: Start NC.

Have you don that yet?
Kay

October 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Yes for 3 weeks there has been absolutely no contact. But after one more week what do I do?
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:09 am

Follow this guide or the E-Book one.
Kay

October 8, 2013 at 12:26 pm

I really don’t want him to catch feelings for this other girl during the process. I’m sure it’s a rebound. But still I’m worried.
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:07 am

Well, you have to realize that you can’t control how he feels. No matter what you do.

cristinar

October 7, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Hi Chris, a brief summary of what happened: day 27 of NC after a year with my guy whom has a partner and two kids. He kept stopping me from leaving the situations despite adducing guilt and turmoil to his “decision” that we could only be friends, out of love for his kids. I closed a first time wishing him well and he came back, only to go bring us back to square one. Then I closed over a month ago, being I told him neither him or I could ever be just friend to each other, after his own statement that when I am near he can’t help but wanting me. I went then silent. He kept silent. Until this morning, when he sent this text: Am sure you’ve already heard of this, but it’s nice X (link to youtube song that says this: lyricstranslate.com/en/ancora-qui-still-here.html)
I haven’t replied. I don’t give a toss about a stupid romantic song and whether he thinks it’s nice and I already heard of it!
What you think his message reads between lines (if any existing!) and what should I do?
Please help me, I urgently need help for my next move!
I most definitely don’t want to feed behaviour like this, being that this message doesn’t make any sense to me!
What do you read here? HELP!!!! 🙁 I am desperate and heartbroken.

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:12 am

I think he sent that to test you. To say something sweet and make sure you are still out there.

What specifically do you need help with? Contacting him after NC?

christine

October 7, 2013 at 5:58 pm

hi chris, I bought your book, and im working on the no contact rule (day 3), but I do have a Question. I still have my adress at his place (im living with friends, and my stuff are moved out)
Im looking for a place of my own, but until I find it, my mail will come at his place, and im suppose to go get it. I moved out 3 days ago, after we had been living together a week while we were broken up.
Not all of my mail are that important, but some is.. what should I do when he writes that there is some sort of mail?

Also, we had break up sex (3 times) while we were still living together .. (am I doomed to be FWB)?

it it not a possibility to move my adress, and plus if i do, I would have to tell him.. (but then breaking my 30 day rule)

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:10 am

Thanks for the purchase! I appreciate it more than you know :).

Also, sorry for the late response.

I wouldn’t say doomed FWB. You just have to make it clear from here on out that he doesn’t get any as long as you two are not together.

I say it is ok to go and get it. The mail I mean. If you run into him just be classy, happy, confident and a little bit short.

Etti

October 7, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Hi there! this is site is so useful!!! Thank you for sharing your experience!
So.. let me tell you my story.
after nearly 10 years together (i’m 28 my ex is 33)we bought a house 2 months ago. 1 month ago a friend of my ex (she is really really ugly and a very difficult person psychologically: depressed and has eating disorders) told him she is in love with him. he responded he wasn’t interested but cried big time and was desperate to have broken her heart. 5 days after this he told me he wasn’t sure he loves me anymore, that he needs a period to think so i left our home and went temporarily to live with a friend in order to give him what he needed. he tells his mother that he wants to live his life, to have fun and go out with friends but has no relationship with her. 10 days ago i found out he cheated on me with her and also told her he loves her. i was shocked and called him telling him he is a liar. he then explained telling me that he is confused, doesn’t know anything but one thing he knows is he wants to be with her and not with me, that he doesn’t love me and he is not ready to try to work things out. he also said the problem of our relationship is that we didn’t communicate and that it was my fault and if i am not careful all my relationships are going to end this way. we have a dog and he says he deosn’t even want him anymore because he stops him from having fun. i am going to leave our apartment but he says it is a nightmare living there for him because everything reminds him of me. i asked: sorry but why did you buy it? answer: because i was convinced i love you up to 1 month ago now i don’t know what love is anymore. i am broken.. i love him dearly but want to go on with my life, not waiting there like an idiot. i am on nc since the 1st of october . he wrote to me last friday with a stupid excuse but i didn’t reply, actually i cancelled the message. do you think there is hope he come back and realizes the mistakes he made?

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:02 am

Did he always have a thing for this girl?

Could it be a mid life crisis?

Good for you for having the strength to go into NC. I am proud!
Etti

October 8, 2013 at 9:11 am

THank you for answering! I think this is a full blown midlife crisis. i spoke to his mum yesterday and he told her the girl is just his friend and the only one that makes him feel better. he misses me but doesn’t want to get back with me as of now because he thinks we got a lot of problems and thus is not feeling well. his mom told me he is thin and in a very bad condition, living day by day. the nc is driving him mad because she said, he needs me in his life and doesn’t want to lose me. I am very confused but decided to follow you instructions for 1 month then see. thoughts? i am breaking the nc just for practical issues regarding our apartment (we bought it 2 months ago) and the dog, which i think is the case. Waiting for your advice! thank you so much!
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:01 am

Mid life crisis’ are way more common in men than you would think.

I think you can break NC for practical purposes yes!
Etti

October 9, 2013 at 8:51 am

thank you:) do you think this could help? and him coming back if i follow all your input? i am continuing with my life but love him and would love to start over
admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:11 am

I think it definitely can!
Etti

October 8, 2013 at 9:13 am

just to add another point: i messaged him yesterday telling him i want to limit contacts but am available on all practical issues and he kept on writing to me telling me he understands and if i don’t want to see him that is ok. at one point i stopped replying because after the third message it was too much.
Etti

October 7, 2013 at 3:13 pm

obviously i am trying to work on myself become a better me by becoming independent, having my friends and going out with them. he says he just wants to have fun and she is the only one that makes him happy now. i also think a lot about this communication issue and think that it is a pity he never spoke about his problems and i should have thought about asking.
he even wants to leave his job.
he also doesn’t admit openly to his parents he is with her but didn’t even tell me all the truth about her.. (which i found out on my own)
admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:01 am

Do you think his relationship with her is one where he is just using her to feel better?

Eva

October 7, 2013 at 5:52 am

Hi so i’ve contacted you before, i’ve been doing the no contact rule fro about two weeks and my boyfriend came up to me and told me he misses me and wants me back. I’m thrilled and i really want to give it another go but it hasn’t been a month yet? I asked him if hes positive he wants to be back together and he said hes 90% sure and i said take some time i don’t want to get back into this unless you’re 100% committed. Did I do the right thing? What do i do now?

admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:44 am

I thinkyou did. I mean he needs to be 100% sure.
Eva

October 8, 2013 at 1:50 am

But now im confused. I don’t know how to act around him. I try acting like before when i run into him, casual and not overly involved in a conversation but hes really unhappy about that and says im acting weird. And we see each other almost every day due to same uni classes. So i told him i’d give him a month tops to decide if he wants this for sure and if not then clearly we aren’t meant to be. But my question is how do i act around him now? help please :/
admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:32 am

Just be really classy, confident and all that stuff. Except cut conversations short every once in a while.

Isabel

October 7, 2013 at 4:35 am

Hi Chris, thank you so much for responding.

Would it be bad if I waited more than three days? How long is too long? I just don’t want to come off as too desperate, because in a way I can sense that he might know I want him back.

Ok, so I should go with something a little less threatening?

admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:34 am

Nope, it wouldn’t be bad.

And yes less threatening. This is where it is ok to be more conservative.

Isabel

October 6, 2013 at 8:14 pm

I have sent two first contact messages to my ex boyfriend and he has responded neutrally to them.

1. How long should I wait before I text him again?

2. What should my next message be like?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:38 am

1. Wait 3 days.

2. Try a different variation of a first contact text again.

Dakota

October 6, 2013 at 2:57 pm

He also, hasn’t told his family about our break up. I am not sure why.

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:22 am

That is strange. I think that might be a good sign though.

Dakota

October 6, 2013 at 2:51 pm

Hi Chris
Recently, my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) and I broke up. Exactly 1 week. I just stumbled on your site actually a day ago, and I was reluctant to type something here because I wasn’t sure if I was going to get a reply. But my boyfriend decided to end our relationship after we have been together for 3 years. He recently just graduated from college in December and I graduate in May of 2014. We are the same age, it just took me a little while to decide which career path I wanted to take. I have totally not followed the no contact rule. Since it has only been a week, he texts me weird little texts and I give a short response back. I am not sure if I should just be his friend right now, or should I definitely try the no contact rule. We broke up because he said he realizes he is selfish and he wants to be selfish. He wants to learn himself, and love himself. He said that there is no question in his mind whether he loves me and that he doesn’t need a break to know if he loves me. He also says he is not stable and needs to get his life in order. He needs to know if he can stand on his own, truly on his own without the advice of me. I am truly confused in this situation and I am hurt because I want him, he has been such an important piece in my life for the past 3 years and for it to just be taken away sucks. I am just honestly confused as to where to go from here? No contact or be his friend. Do I wait around, do I not. I don’t know.

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:19 am

Well, before you do anything you need to figure out what your big goal is and that is something that only YOU can figure out.

Do you want him back or do you want to move on from him?
Dakota

October 7, 2013 at 11:25 am

I know I want him back, I don’t think I want to move on from him.. So maybe I should just try your method. I can still do the no contact for 30 days?
A new thing he has said, “I can’t love you the way you want to be loved right now, I can’t give you what you need.” “I need to figure out what I really want.” Blah blah blah the list goes on.

I do want to say, I truly appreciate you for responding back to me and writing all these guides.
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:54 am

You are very welcome!

Why not try the method? I mean, you have nothing to lose at this point and I can tell you that you will be in a better place emotionally if you do do them.
Clara

October 21, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Hi Chris, I had something else to say, but I feel like it’s miles long so I am going to email it to you instead. Thank you so much for all of your help!!
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:08 am

Do me a favor. Friend me on Facebook and ask it there!
Clara

October 17, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Well, my ex just called me to tell me that he is hanging out with his ex again. Why he felt the need to tell me, I’m not sure. He said they are just friends and nothing’s happened, but they had a turbulent relationship and I guess they forgave each other for their past. I am shattered about it, as it has only been 10 days since we broke up. What do I do? Today is day 3 of my NC. He left this on my voicemail. He says he said “I have more of a chance that I get back together with you than with her, either way I can’t be the boyfriend anyone needs.I can’t be with you right now. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.”

I feel like he is playing a head game. Is doing an N.C. even going to work at this point?
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Yes but it will work more-so for you!
Clara

October 10, 2013 at 8:38 pm

Thanks for such a fast reply!

Well…honestly…
I thought that was it, but after some thought, narrowing it to one sentence is hard. What he stated was that my neediness was driving him a little nuts because between school and work and my repeated calls, he couldn’t keep up and so he needed distance, thus the “I’m happier alone right now” comment.

It sucked to hear, but I think that’s what I’d needed.
admin

October 11, 2013 at 5:53 pm

neediness is definitely annoying. Hmm… just give him time at this point. I have a post scheduled for next week that YOU NEED TO READ. Like, I can’t stress enough how much you need to read this thing.
Clara

October 10, 2013 at 7:52 am

I meant to say **from a man’s point of view…can you tell me if I am missing something.

Also, it is important to note that a couple months before I was due to leave for my trip, he would randomly say “why do you have to leave?” and then tell me “maybe we should get married before you go.” His actions have stupefied me. His tone when breaking up with me was not…irritated, exactly, but his sentences were very clipped and to the point. He says he has never broken up with anyone “the right way” (whatever that means) and wanted things to be different when ending things with me. I can’t tell if the break up is upsetting him or not. All I know is I am miserable, but I’m glad I stumbled upon your article. I hope your techniques work on us, I adore this man.
Clara

October 10, 2013 at 7:40 am

Hello,

I am going to post this as a reply rather than a separate post because oddly enough, my situation is quite similar to Dakota’s. My ex and I had been together 3 1/2 years, it would have been 4 in May. We have lived together, owned a puppy together, the works. I was laid off last year and it really affected my mental state, so I signed up to do a year of public service that would have begun the same month that my ex moved up north for school. I took a break from school to prepare for this trip, while he started his junior year, working full-time and going to school full-time. Then a wrench got thrown into the mix. We had talked about being in a long distance relationship, so even though he moved before I did, I knew we would be okay…but then the government shutdown happened and my service year was cancelled. Now I’m not moving out of state, I’m moving up north too to continue college in a town 30 minutes away from him. I thought he would be happy I wasn’t leaving and was in fact closer to him, but instead he got really distant and yesterday he ended things with me over the phone. He said “I am so busy with everything and things are so hectic, I am happier being alone right now. I feel smothered by everything going on, I just can’t be there for you emotionally.” Though I was distraught, I didn’t cry or persuade him otherwise, I just told him I want him to be happy and I’m honestly relieved he didn’t bring love or cliches into the equation. (saying “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I don’t love you anymore”.) He seems pretty confused and he is starting over in a new town, so I really can’t blame him.
Anyway.
he unfriended me on facebook, but he texted me today just to chat (it was so weird) and then he emailed me with a message that said:
” I think you need to focus on other stuff right now, as do I. Give it time. I will still text you and stuff. Maybe even see you every once in a while. I did and still do love you. That never changes. :)”

I am nervous about starting the NC rule. I know he is going to try to contact me regularly… I believe in my heart of hearts that we belong together. He was (is?) my best friend, and for a long time, my only family. I did get a little needy at the end because I could see him pulling away from me (not calling as much, giving me short replies)and I tried too hard to get him to talk to me. I guess my question is this:

If I do the NC rule…will it make him stop contacting me altogether? Can I come back from my emotional behavior with him?

I was good today. I didn’t write back to his email or text and didn’t try to re-friend him, either. 😀 I’m just so confused, this boy told me 5 days before he broke up with me…

Him: “I miss cuddling you. In bed with really warm blankets and tv.”

Me: I miss the feeling I get when I see you smile! 🙂

Him: Don’t make me cry.

Me: Don’t cry, honey. I’m always with you.

he sent me a smile and that was that, and then he left me. As a man, is there something I’m missing? I absolutely believe his statements were genuine, he said things like that to me regularly. Sorry this is so long winded!
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Yes, NC may make him stop contacting you (or it may make him uber desperate to contact you.)

Sounds like we are missing something. What was his exact reason for breaking up with you?
Dakota

October 6, 2013 at 8:40 pm

Also, his family is going through a rough time now. His mom is dealing with some recurring health issues and I know it bothers him. I know that this is just a guide, and what may work for some may not work for others. But I also think the 30 days might help me cool off too, allow me to reevaluate myself and like you say, get in the best shape of my life! lol I just wonder, what if the 30 days doesn’t help, but I think it should help. The weird thing is he just says, he doesn’t want a relationship right now. And those words ring through my head and I think why? Again it goes back to my point, do I remain a friend to him strictly platonic or do I do the no contact. Sorry!
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:43 am

I don’t buy that statement at all.

Of course, I don’t buy it when a girl tells me “I am not looking to be swept off my feet” either.

sugimura

October 6, 2013 at 12:29 am

My ex and I saw each other in the office and spoke for a while and he wanted to have breakfast at my house. He came late and wasn’t able to eat as he was picking his sister in the airport. He’s currently with someone in the same office we both work at. I told him before this that we can be friends but not like before. A month from now they might move in together. What do you think of this?

admin

October 6, 2013 at 11:49 pm

How do you know that he might move in with the new girl?

Sina

October 5, 2013 at 10:11 am

I’m a 20 years old girl and my ex, he is 10 years older than me, he works in the military.He broke up with me last week as I was being too immature and impatient that he said he doesn’t wany anymore trouble in the future. He is a Libra man. He hung up on me when he called it quit because I could not accept it. I have been too clingy and needy, asking, pleading, crying, begging at him to give us another shot. Texted and called him so many times for the past 5 days, asking if he wants to try again. I got no response at all. Why is he being so cold to me? Then after, 6 days after breakup, a day of no contact, I decided to text him. I asked if he really meant to break up with me and I’m gonna be okay with that. Or he wants space and time? He replied to me that I need to leave him alone right now, as he wants to focus on his career. He wants me to understand that career is everything for him but at the same time, he wants me to be patient for a while and he doesn’t allow me to text him at all for the time being or he will make a police report. What does that mean? Is he trying to rethink about giving us another try, and wait for me tl make changes in myself besides me being patient? Or he just wants to play games with me? Why does he want ne to be patient if he meant to call it quit? Is he confused and what should I do now? Should I just move on and tell him that I feel insecure when he said he wants to me police report? Or give him the time and space he needs? Go no contact for a while and at the same time, make some improvements in myself?

T hough I’m feeling insecure when he said he wants to make the police report if I text him again for the time being. He wasn’t this guy before when we were dating. And now he acts so cold and hard on me like I’m nothing to him. I used to have trust issues with him at first because he works in the military. From trust issues, me being too impatient, immature, not understanding girlfriend. That leads us from small fight to a very huge argument and break up. Wait, when we had arguments, he used to call me names and I really hate it. I know it’s just his anger. Because he treated me so nicely when we had sweet moments together. However my biggest regret is, that I didn’t give him in return what he deserved to when he trusted me so much. I didn’t trust him.

Btw I have told him that I’m giving him the time and space he needs and I respect it. And I know that we could actually get back together if I didnt beg him when he called it quit, I knew he didnt mean it. Because we had a huge argument that lead to the breakup. But now, things have terribly gone wrong with my neediness and clinginess. I know he does love me. But do ypu think there is still a chance for us getting back together?

Thank you.

admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:18 am

Well, have you entered into a NC rule?

Scott

October 4, 2013 at 10:28 am

Hi

Me and my ex split about a month ago and yes became a bit of a text freak and said all the usual stuff. We have sort of been talking since then very platonic and recently he has stopped talking to me apart from one text to say had it not crossed my mind he is busy but I have seen him online on the website we meet more frequently the last few days. He goes on a lot during the day and in the eve so I know that he is talking to someone else. We were only together for a short period of time a couple of months but I know he’s the one. Despite the fact we have been talking for the last month and have he is moving on will this programme work for me can I start the no contact rule now and start to win him back even if we have been in contact since the breakup and he is moving on. Any thoughts

admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:16 am

Absolutely you can!

jessica

October 4, 2013 at 10:17 am

I have a question about the no-contact rule. I happen to see my ex every week at sportstraining. What should I do about this? I am not planning on quitting my sport… But when I see him, I have to talk to him because He is kinda my trainer… We are with a big group of people so I can also not talk to him, but that would be weird. Can you please help me with this question? Because I am really thinking about trying your plan. Thanks!!!

admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:15 am

Sports training huh? What kind of sports haha?

No just be very classy and don’t make things awkward. You can still do NC just whenever you see him be friendly but don’t linger.

sugimura

October 4, 2013 at 12:27 am

My ex broke up with me about a month ago. Not sure if he cheated or there was already a connection with his new one. I started begging n stuff n finally gave up on it. We are officemates with his new one. He wanted me to be friends but i always see them together on their breaks or in the office. I wanted to start the nc rule hut he it keeps getting broken. I finally told him that we cant be friends yet coz it hurts seeing them together not to mention he wants me to meet his new one. And he agreed. We’re not communicating now for a couple of days. Am i on the right track or was saying no to friends a wrong move?

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:32 pm

I think it was not the best move BUT you can definitely salvage it. I think the NC rule is smart in your case though.
sugimura

October 4, 2013 at 11:30 pm

Is it ok to be friends with my ex and tell him that ill just maintain distance when his new one is around? I feel bad for shutting him down completely from my life. I feel like he might just consider everything as finally over. I dont think NC will apply to him as I know him well that he will just not care at all.
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:38 am

Always do what you feel is best. Just realize there is risk with what you suggest as well.

Andy

October 3, 2013 at 11:57 pm

It is me again. I guess you could say my ex and I had our break up…2 weeks after the actual break up. I had an emotional blow out. He told me that he stopped having feelings for me and didnt see his heart changing. But two weeks before that he was talking to me about marriage and scaring me. Ive never been so hurt in my life. Everybody keeps saying “you’ll be okay” and I know I will as time goes on but that is not an answer I really want to hear. I dont know why he suddenly left. I didnt see it coming. I dont think there is a chance we will ever get back together because clearly he has a very fickle heart. The pain I feel over this is overwhelming. He moves on fast. I wouldnt be suprised if he got another girlfriend in a month. I honestly feel like it is over forever but I also know I dont want it to be. Is no contact my best option? How do I fix something if I am unsure why it broke? He told me I was different than any other girl he has dated. But yet he still left. I feel betrayed and lied to and lead on. I dont know what is wrong with me because I keep asking myself why would you want to be with a guy that doesnt want to be with you? And I dont but I do want him to come back. I want him to see what I see. I know there is a chance he never will I guess I just want to know if that chance is high? I dont know how a perosn goes from being in love with you to leaving you in a matter of a week. Please tell me what to do. Because all I get told is “move on”, “obviously its over so let it go”, “there is no hope”. But i want there to be. I guess my question are these: 1. Is there hope if a guy lost the spark in a relaionship
2. How do I go about working on getting him back?
3. If I go nc for a month what if he moves on during that month?
4. Should I stay friends with him on social networks even though it hurts to see some things he says to toher girls
5. do i need to give up and move on forever
thank you.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:28 pm

1. Yes (you have to work to reignite that spark.)
2. Have you started with NC? Thats ideal.
3. It won’t be the end of the world and realize that it could be a rebound.
4. Yes I think you should.
5. Only if you feel you are better off in the long run.

Jess

October 3, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Okay so I’ve read your page and thought ,hey why not ask a question. My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago after he just came home from being over seas, we have a 8 month old daughter. He blames the breakup on stating that I’m “crazy” for wanting him to call me etc like he did while overseas. He is having to stay away from home due to an injury. He still comes over every weekend and wants to remain friends but its so hard. He refuses to get the remaining of his clothes. What should I do, should I cut all ties and move on? He’s said that although we aren’t together who knows what the future holds, we could be together a year for now but right now it is what it is.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:25 pm

Do you want to give up? I mean, I think you should explore whether having him in your life makes you a better person or not.

Noelle

October 3, 2013 at 11:15 pm

I was thinking about doing this because my boyfriend tried to break up with me and I cried and everything and I assume we are back together but I think he just feels guilty. He left for Georgia 2 weeks ago and I am stuck in Florida and I don’t understand why he didn’t take me…. When he left he promised to come back now he is telling me not to count on him ever coming back and that we shouldn’t be together. I would move up there with him but he says his mother wont allow it… What do I do? I feel he is aggravated because I text him frequently and I have a situation about where to live, basically homeless and getting a job is hard. But I think hes building it up and being nice to dump me and say we don’t belong together. Everyone tells him that. I love him and would do anything for him. How do I help us if he is a state away? Should I just show up without even a car or a place to stay?? need to see him again and I think that would help a lot.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Well, have you read the LDR post?

Beckie Smith

October 3, 2013 at 10:19 am

Hi,

I found this really helpful, but feel there are some extenuating circumstances within my situation I would appreciate your opinion on- the two factors are the fact my boyfriend and I only split up because he has depression, so there’s little animosity there- and how no contact is difficult when you live in the same town with the same circle of friends and are in the same class on your university course!

My boyfriend and I were together 9 months, but had been friends for a year prior to that. The first 8 months were amazing, then I went travelling for a month. I came back and my ex told me he had depression and didn’t think he should be with ‘anyone if he can’t emotionally support them right now.’ He kept changing his mind as to whether to split, because on one hand he said he cared about me, but part of him didn’t think he was right for a relationship. (I want to make it clear he definitely wasn’t cheating and had depressive episodes fairly regularly, he just said this time it last longer).

6 days after the split, he texted me saying “hey, hope you are doing ok, wanted to say I miss you but feel it’s for the best, I shouldn’t be with anyone if I can’t emotionally support them, hope everything is well.”

I texted him back saying he basically needs to focus on getting himself better, that I’m just focusing on the good times rather than the past couple of weeks (when I came back from travelling and things weren’t the same between us) and that I’ll see him around.

What I want to know is what exactly was he trying to achieve by sending that text? I feel like there are some contradictions going on- he asked twice at the beginning and end of my text about my wellbeing, that he misses me, and then states us not being together is ‘for the best’ even though it’s already happened and there’s no need to confirm us not being together?

I want to get back with my ex boyfriend as I still have a lot of feelings for him, and as I say, we only split because of his depression but still cared for each other as people. We’re started the same uni course yesterday so was the first time seeing each other in person and we had fairly minimal conversation when we’re in the same circle of friends. How do I handle the impact ‘NC’ has if we’re in such close proximity? Thinks such as jealousy texts I just can’t see working with someone who is depressed and hasn’t got his head straight. Do I wait for him to start texting me? Thanks 🙂

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:47 am

I think you just be as classy as possible if you see him in person. Don’t give him anything to pick at and just kill him with kindness.
Beckie Smith

October 3, 2013 at 10:44 am

Do you think he would be interested in getting back with me?
admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:43 am

I can’t guarantee anything b/c he is the only one who knows that but there are things you can do to raise your chances of that happening.

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