The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Anonymous :)

October 29, 2013 at 11:34 am

Hey,
My boyfriend broke up with me after nearly 8 months of us going out. We were each other’s first. I think I became a bit too attached and that’s probably why we broke up because he just said he didn’t want to be with me anymore..
After like 2 weeks of breaking up we started speaking again and before we knew it we were in a friends with benefits relationship which lasted about 6-7 months. During this period he dated another girl, and I told him that we wouldn’t be doing anything while he was with her. I cut contact but within a week or so of him dating her he contacted me and asked advice on their relationship from me and then he said how I was way better than her and seemed to care about me. Then he finished it with her and we continued as normal. We had rows, ”split-ups”, we even had romantic moments, and he often seemed a bit jealous (comments such as: these shorts are too short, and also he got angry when he found out i was speaking with another guy)..
Recently, 2 weeks ago or something, he was acting weird and i asked him if there was a girl in his life.. He said yes, and then after a small conversation he told me we were ”finished”. So I told him we didn’t have anything to finish, I wrote this long message about how I would be there for him if he needed me in a bad situation, and how he would always be special for me and that i wouldn’t contact him anymore..
He never replied but he didn’t delete me off facebook either (once we had such a big row that he did).. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to get back to how we were in the beginning, and I was hoping fwb would take us back to that stage.. I haven’t spoken to him since he said it was finished but i often look at his profile and he doesn’t seem to be dating anyone else atm.
NOTE: He always knew i still loved him, even when we weren’t dating anymore, and it isn’t the first time we ”broke-up” the fwb. Also our houses are opposite each other.

Do you have any extra suggestions on how to get him back? Do you think I stand a chance? Could he still be interested? Any advice?

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:50 am

FWB hardly ever works.

That is the major issue I am seeing here.
Anonymous :)

October 30, 2013 at 10:49 am

So do you suggest that if we start getting close again, I don’t give him the option of fwb? All or nothing kind of thing?
I’m just worried that then I’ll loose him for good.
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:32 pm

FWB is NEVER a good idea. I am speaking from seeing HUNDREDS of women fail with it.
Anonymous :)

October 31, 2013 at 1:48 pm

Ok thanks for your advice I’ll keep it in mind :)) I’m on day 15 of the no contact period, I’m hoping the text thing will work :)) Thanks again
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:55 pm

You will be ok!

Keep in touch.

Sandra

October 29, 2013 at 3:47 am

Please help…. My ex boyfriend and i were together for 7 yrs. i was feeling some what neglected and decided to break up 3 months ago. I did no contact for 2 months. He repeatedly called and texted my during this time. I reached out to him and found out that he got involved with someone. As it turns out she has moved in with him. I know it is a rebound relationship by how fast things moved. When i found out about it he told me he was so sorry and that why didn’t i respond to phone calls and texts he thought i was done for good. He was so upset asking me why didn’t i reach out to him. He said he is not happy with this other person and that he stills loves me. I sent him a short text stating that i accept that our relationship is over and that i wished him well in his new relationship. He immediately text stating that he loved me and did not want to lose me. Also called me. I have not responded because i don’t know how to handle this situation. I feel like my no contact was too severe since he was calling and texting me so much…? What do i do now?

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:38 am

Maybe you tell him you did NC b/c you needed some time to yourself.
Sandra

November 1, 2013 at 3:45 am

Well i did do that because i was dealing with a lot of family issues….
Now he called me monday and left me a message that he wanted to speak to me and to call him back. I responded on tuesday by text stating that i received his call and that i hoped everything was ok.. Since then nada…no call , text, nothing.. I think its best to leave him to handle his rebound and how to get rid of her at this point. Lol..

But as far as no contact i should be done ..right? If he contacts me regarding us .. Its ok.. To respond..?. But if its to be friends or anything like that.. I will not humor him and feed his ego..
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:37 pm

As long as you passed the initial 30 days YES.

But you can also contact him now as well.
Sandra

November 2, 2013 at 5:39 am

So let me first start by telling you how grateful I am that you respond and really care about what you do..I truly appreciate you..
Ok here goes…after I recieved your ok to txt him. I did. With a silly comment about the earthquakes.. he’s a soccer fan. He txt me right away “I’ve been so sick .. I really need to see you” so since we hadn’t been able to see each other sooner. I agreed. He asked to take me to dinner and decided to meet at the park. Once I got to the park I told him that we could just walk in the park and just talk.he was a little hurt “upset” that I wouldn’t be going to dinner. I just thought the park thing would be better.. I kept convo very light and I was in a great mood and looked great too. I did not bring up thepast or his current rrebound gf. He could not stop saying how beautiful I look and how happy I seemed… he told me that he loved me several times.. I was thankful and just kept cool.. he asked me if I was seeing anyone.. I said no one special.. he brought up his current gf by saying it was not going to work out with her and he doesn’t have feelings for her.. blah blah blah. I remained calm. Even though I want to jump over the picnic table and jump him…. in a good way..
Lol..I remained cool. He said that he missed dancing with me and if I would go out with him soon. As friends no expectations. I told him the nicest way possible. That I didn’t feel comfortable with that and that I’m a woman and wouldn’t want someone to do that to me… didn’t stop him from asking again …though..finally I looked at my watch a whole 45 minutes and I told him I needed to go. He walked me to my car. He hugged me so tight said he loves me and to please be good and that it’s ok for me to call him whenever I want.. I just said my good bye.. I didn’t tell him how much I love him too.. now getting this far I’m not going to contact him and give him time to be with his rebound gf. Until he’s done… ? What do you think? About my meet up? I feel good that he misses me.. but it’s killing me the thought of him with someone else..how long is this going to take?
admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Soo many questions…

Do you think you can just ask them one by one. IT is much more time effective for me.
Sandra

November 2, 2013 at 8:39 pm

What do you think of his behavior on our meet up?
Should i go lc now?
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:16 pm

For a while yes.
Sandra

November 2, 2013 at 5:46 am

I did say at one point when he said he missed me so much. I responded I feel the same way.. I needed to him something.. 😉

confused

October 28, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Hellow!

Since i see every girl here pouring her heart out, I need to too..and before I start I have to say sorry for my english, I’m from Europe :). Anyway, my story is pretty confusing and I guess it’s still fresh and hurts a lot, but I need some REAL anwsers to if it’s even worth it or should I just let things go and try to move on. So starting off:

I had been in a relationship for close to 3 years with the wrong guy- overly attached, overly jealous, overly possesive, overly attentive, revolving his world around me..so after a long time trying to fix it i called it quits…it didnt bring me the satisfaction, i truely didnt love him and i guess i was only afraid to end it because he was a good friend and i would feel alone…but I did and i don’t regret it, neither would i ever go back to it- 5 times is more then enough to know things will not change.

Anyway, it was 3 days after my breakup (me and my ex wanted to keep the friendship going) me and him and other people were in usual place where we usually drink and this guy (he’s actually American but lives here for major part of his life) came up to me after almost 3 years we havent seen each other and remembers me and sits next to me..we did before that have a little fling when i was young and stupid but it meant nothing…anyway he saw i fixed my teeth and told me i didnt have to, he liked me as i was, then he went to my ex and asked him what kind of guys do i fall for (he did NOT know he was my ex) and if he thought he has any chance with me- that caused a lot of problems leading out of it later- then asked me to go with him, kiss me, etc. My ex flipped out after that and so regardless of him wanting us to hung out, we didnt…i guess that’s what made me even more interesting to him? anyway, after two weeks he told me he did have an eye on me for quite some time and we started to occasionally see each other..after a month of that i asked him if we can make it official and we did…so for little over two monthes till now we have been dating. I did have a little harder time believing it was real, because he does come off as reather coll-harted, which he admits and he said sorry about it more then once, he told me i was the girl he was looking for, he really hopes we would last, i have to be patiant, he doesnt get attached easily, etc. and other then me having 2 fits when i had a hard day and wanted a little more attention from him (it was almost a week and a half of us not seeing each other and him being with his friends) i didnt bother him with it, because it was fine by me..he started to call me on his own and asking me to go grab a lunch together, he started inviting me to his place and cooking me lunch, well all in all it was all fine..and we did get along great- he’s funny, he loves to argue or ”debate” how he puts it, we were having fun and when he did get effectionate he did make it a point to really show me his feelings…to the point where in the most intimate time 2 weeks ago he said he LOVES me…and said it 2 times out of no-where..i dont think i’ve been that happy about anything in a longgg time..but everything went to hell..because of my ex..he attacked me more then once and made my life difficult- he force kissed me, he barged into my room and basically almost raped me..and then called me every day which of corse didt set good with this guy…and i tried really hard to manage everything but i guess chose the wrong ways- keeping my ex after he cried he doesnt wanna loose me as a friend and he’s gonna kill himself if i cut him off like that too…and then agreeing on a night out with his friends which ended up them getting me drunk and left me with my ex who later on told me we supposedly kissed..and i know it’s a stupid decision to tell someone about something you dont really remember happening or know for sure it did, but i needed to get it out so I did….and 3 days later i got dumped.

Now my situation is like that: when he dumped me, he said he really thought about it and if he was 100% in it, he would have let everyyyything happening slide, but he’s not 100% in it. and he said: you and ex have a lot of unresolved things you need to resolve. so i guess now you’re gonna go back together? i dont know and i dont care, but you need to resolve it..and that he wants us to stay friends (which usually never is a good sign if someone says that)…anyway the same day some friend of his said it might be some girl or him getting sick of me because he does that, so i wrote to him confronting him about it, to which he got mad on the friend saying he ruind his efforts to present to me the truth and us getting apart with no hard feelings..so of corse, being hurt i wrote to him this ISNT fair- if he did say he loves me he would not just let me go that easily even if i PROMISEE to get rid of my ex (to which he replied he already made a choise and he never got back with any ex- this is his decision and i should just get it out of my head that we would ever be together beccase he does not want a girldfriend and we just met at the wrong time- and that i was the girl who made him go into relationship even if he didnt want to, which I should be proud of- he really is trying to be nice and make me suffer less) and to prove to him i deserve a fair chance and at least a breakup where the reason would be no feelings or my personality or ANYTHING but my ex which i would have fixed if he would have told me it bothered him..and still nothing changed, he just thought i was trying to make him feel bad about himself…and that i dont wanna hear the truth because it wont help.when he said it my mind was set to– so he doesnt love me…good, he better tell me so i can move on easier..but no he said he never lied, he has feeling, they were and still are real, he just doesnt get atteched to someone as fast as i do and he cant offer me what i need because he’s in no state of mind to offer me that and doesnt want me to suffer (meaning he cant just up and take me into his life, he cant offer me what normal bf would offer me- effection because he’s lost too many best friends, family etc so it’s hard for him to do that and i guess he thinks i NEED it..which really i dont, less is more to me)

so yeah, that hurts…knowing someone has feelings but is more willing to force turn them off then actually having a relationship that worked just fine and will never know if it would work on the long run…i dont know if he’s the type of person this thing will actually work for- having feelings or not and i dont know if it’s even worth wasting the time or should i just force turn-off my emotions too and try to find another guy to occupy myself with in the meanwile, wile trying to obtain the good frinedship/company we have had together…..on one hand i think this break up is STUPID and wasnt even o real reason to break up or at least close the door FULLY for me…and of corse i (regardless of me not trying to) developed feelings for him- we worked good together, we fullfilled one another, we challenged one another and the breakup was unfair and not called for if THOSE are the real reasons (and i do come from him being honest with me all the time and taking his time explaining all of this) IF he has feelings and liked our relationship but he thinks ”it wasnt going to last either way because he cant give me what i need and it’s only gonna hurt us both more then” and because ”it was the wrong time for us to meet and could have been different”…ugh now i’m angry again…

so yeah, judging from what i wrote, is it even worth trying and is it even possible it will work, or would it be just better to keep up the friendship and well, stay away from every guy that ever comes my way till i get fully over it..and i know i could get over it if i want to, but i refuse to because of the reasons for our breakup and because honestly, i think he’s scared to get hurt and too attached, yet we didnt go with too fast of a pace and i told him i was fine with it because i know what he went trough and i’m fine with proving him i’m worth him getting attached to me and have me close..oh well

admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:00 am

It’s possible but its not going to be easy.

Are you going to do NC?

anonymous

October 28, 2013 at 7:23 am

My boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half because he didn’t trust me. I’d want always like that. I thought we were great together he even took me on a family vacation (first time he ever brought a girl). He went through my phone though 2 weeks ago And a family friend texted and asked me if I wanted to get dinner or catch a movie. The family Friend has about 25 yrs on me. It isn’t like that but my ex won’t hear it. He still texts me back and is mad about it. He thinks I’m a liar. I love him but I feel like he Hates me.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:16 am

Man jealousy issues much?

He broke up with you for that? Really?

kiki

October 28, 2013 at 1:52 am

my ex and i were together for almost 3years he always complain i wasn’t taking care of my body and putting others before me he said i would never changed and i apologize every-time and he said ive been doing that since he knew me and never loved me, . he said i will never change. he never put me first of apprciated me so we havent talked or texted for almost 2months now. ive been focused on me more to be the better me . do you think he would ever come back to me

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:00 am

Impossible to say BUT as long as you keep doing what you are doing you are only improving your chances day by day.

sara

October 27, 2013 at 9:05 pm

I probably did everything wrong after me and my ex split …. I cried, I got angry, I call, I messaged, I told him he was everything to me, and I was the one to break up with him … This was three years ago.

Out relationship:

We were teens and I was his first and he was mine. Our relationship was great but I joked around a lot about other girls who liked him maybe he thought I was serious. we had petty little teenage arguments not real fights we never went home angry. I was so down on my self and I knew it bugged him… We spent everyday together for 2 years not a day apart or (I’ll embarrassingly admit) I would get sad.

Our break-up :

We spent a day-or-two talking about what we wanted in life and our fears….. I was really stressed my grade 11 year was coming to an end and I was a typical teenage girl :p I called him one night and told him I wanted to break up ( It was going to happen anyways) he was afraid of being with just me and only me for his whole life the thought scared me too and I thought we had real problems on our hands, Now I see we didn’t, all of our problems could have been fixed with a smile.

The way he acted after the break-up:

Called me that night and told me he didn’t want to break up. Three days later asked for my permission to date a girl in his band class. He started to date her and told everyone that him and I were always just friends and to this day he is still dating her.

How I acted:

I broke up with him, when he called to get back together i told him it wasn’t going to work that nothing at all is going change, he asked for a short break and I said no. woke up feeling terrible didn’t go to classes for those two days and then I saw him again and he asked me if he could date this girl … I got angry and said in a very snarky way ” why on earth would you need to ask me” then when I found out what she looked like I started calling her mean names to all of her friends and they sided with me. ( she wasn’t to nice to me either or her friends) my logic was. I lost my everything so she should too. I continued to harass my ex with how much I wanted him back and how his girlfriend was so gross and horse like. I bagged, I threatened my own life, I bribed, I told him I loved him so much and I did absolutely everything wrong. I cut him out and acted happy and kinda mean to his new girl

2 weeks: he said he was sorry for
Everything and he wanted to make it up to me with slupees but I was still mad and childish and I was excited that he did this but I told him I still wasn’t cool with what’s going on.

It took about 4 months for me to completely cut him out of my social life, and needs. But I still cried a lot but I tried really hard to move on with boyfriends, new friends, and a new job.

8months I stopped crying about him. I felt alright I knew I wanted him back but it was something I could just live with. Like woop tough love, that’s life.

A year and a half:
He replied to a message I sent him a few months after our breakup I said ” hey I’m going to a concert do you think I can have my method t-shirt back”
He was friendly and willing to give it back but I joked around and said it was to late to wear it to the concert.

We have an on going conversation which he replies to once every two months… And I’m afraid to scare him away so I mimic his messaging pattern……

I’ve had 5 boyfriends since him and one of them I am with but I never shared this news with him or common friends. So I don’t think he’ll be jealous.

My changes in my life are great I’m the best I’ll ever be. Confidence to the max, I’m back to the girl he loved maybe even better.

I’m happy with my boyfriend don’t get me wrong but it just feels like we don’t fit right it’s fun but things are missing, the memories with my ex are so fresh in my mind…we watched mystery men the first time alone and we didn’t know how to cuddle, we played king of the mountain on snow piles, every month-anniversary we would get a&w and so on.

My reasoning : he gives me chills, even though the memories make me sad they make me giggle, I still feel like the guy that loved me is still there somewhere.

I’ve grown and he has to, I know we needed to break up and yes even for this long, it still hurts knowing he is so far from even being a friend and now I’m lost, and I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t want to ruin his relationship with someone he could truly care about…

I just love him and I think he would be happy with the new me, I don’t think my heart will ever let me give up.

admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Tell me what you are doing so far? NC?
sara

October 28, 2013 at 9:23 pm

I dont talk to him face to face… I never get the chance too, but an old room mate of mine,devon, is my ex’s co-worker so I get him to just throw it out there how much fun he has hanging out with me.

over the weekend I messaged him just a friendly hello over facebook….. and i got blocked this made me pretty sad so I asked dev if he had said anything to my ex, and he said it was probably my ex’s girlfriend 🙁

but the day I was blocked I Had plans with dev to go to a concert and he had brought that up with my ex when they were at work, and my ex had expressed interst in going with us if he could, but never came,

i havent seen my ex’s face in two years just messaging once in a while

Rice

October 27, 2013 at 12:33 pm

I would have a question: can we play the jealousy card during the 30-days ? (not by text of course but you know hug male friends etc..)

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:51 pm

You can but do it subtly yes!

Belinda

October 27, 2013 at 7:25 am

Hi!

Okay well, my ex is really hot-tempered and if i don’t reply to his texts, he may get upset and think i’m avoiding him (i’ve ignored him in the many arguments we’ve had). What if he sees my ignoring him as me not being interested in getting back together?

Also, we share a common group of friends and may go out together as a group one day. That’s gonna make things very awkward if i ignore him right?

How do I go about this issues?

Thanks in advance for all the help! =)

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:41 pm

I would still ignore him. He needs to stop acting like a baby about you not responding.

Act very casual and classy in person (like nothing is wrong.)

Jayde

October 27, 2013 at 6:38 am

My boyfriend of a year broke up with me last week.
He said their were things he loved about me but couldn’t
Stand when I was negative. In the last couple of months we
We’re fighting all the time but about nothing major.
I spent a week being tragic and desperate trying to give
Our relationship another go but he said it is over for good and there
Is no chance of us getting back together. I still see him at
Work everyday but I have done the NC for three days now.
There was a time we were so happy together and I know
We can get back to that stage but he just focuses on all the bad
Times and not the good. I love him and want him back but he
Seemed so adamant it was over. Please tell me what I should do?

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:37 pm

Stick with NC for 30 days. You are doing the right thing.

Tina

October 27, 2013 at 4:55 am

Hi Chris,

You’re a genius! It’s good to get a guys perspective/advice that isn’t so bleak. You give me hope with your insights. I’m seriously thinking of buying your e-book. I never had any bad times with the ex but my insecurities from a past relationship got the best of me and I broke it off impulsively. I thought he might of been cheating but it was just me over analyzing things. I’m dumb..I know. He’s an awesome guy who made me feel so confident about myself and feel so mushy gushy about him. I have never had such lovey dovey feelings about anyone. He brought out that quality in me. Dare I say… I was falling in love even though we only dated for 2 1/2 months. I just ended the NC period 3 months. Let’s see how it goes.

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:22 pm

Good luck with everything Tina!

Keep me updated. I like hearing from women like you I really do!

Katie

October 27, 2013 at 1:39 am

What if the guy left me for another girl and says that he was stressed and his biggest issue with me was trusting? I have trust issues and he said it mad him so mad that I thought he was cheating when everyone knows he hates it. I’ve gotten him to admit to a friend that he wants me back but he tried to get them to ask me if I’d take him back. The next day he talked to me in person an said he just wanted to be friends but that I didn’t know if he would come back or not because I kept saying he was never coming back. He’s my first love and I’m his. We’re also each other’s first sexual partner. I don’t feel like he’ll come back but I’m not quite sure if I’m wrong. Help ?

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Do you think she could be a rebound. How long has he been with her?
Katie

October 27, 2013 at 1:42 am

Oh and he also gets jealous whenever I’m with another guy even if they’re my friend and he says they’re breaking bro code ?
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:16 pm

He needs to re-read the bro code. A bro shall not cheat with another bros girl that is THE code. You can hang out with another bros girl as long as nothing goes on.

dee

October 26, 2013 at 11:57 am

Hi. I read the whole article and I know I don’t have to follow the whole system step-by-step (besides the nc rule) but I have a few questions.
If I perform these steps, he might think that something is up, in a strange way, because he knows how I am.
I am pretty sure he will contact me within 30 days of nc and if I do not respond, that may upset him. Me not responding to his text/phone call is something that kind of played a role in him dumping me. So what should I do? 🙁
If my ex is texting me during NC, when I make the first contact after 30 days should I respond by apologizing for getting back to him so late? Would it be appropriate to say something like “Hey sorry I been busy lately, but I stumbled across some Harry Potter movies…”
He knows that if I don’t talk to him for 30 days, then all of a sudden after 30 days I say something like “I just stumbled across a dvd movie that made me think of u for the 1st time in a long time 🙂 ” and then I end the conversation shortly after, he’ll probably think “whaattt theee???” because he knows how I am; he knows that I’m the type to carry on conversation with him.
How much time would u suggest go by in between the good times text, jealousy text etc.
If my ex tries to have other conversations with me in between these texts, should I still be short with him? Should I still end the conversations if he’s trying to converse with me?
Thanks in advance for responding 🙂

admin

October 26, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Well, you need to integrate it to make it more like you. Get creative with it. I think the sorry I stumbled bit is a good idea. (so good I wish I had though of that.)

Anonymous

October 25, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Hi I have a question regarding the article.

So it was a long distance relationship and it ended in August. I did the no contact, I did the shared memory opener. The rub here is she is seeing somebody else. I don’t know whether it’s serious. BUT, I asked if she wanted to go and do something together and she said yeah.

Now how do I handle when i’m actually with her? Do I use jealousy tactics when quite clearly i’m jealous? Do I make reference to the time lapsed between dating and not at all? Or do I just play it cool and enjoy the day? I don’t really want to be friendzoned or anything….

Any help is appreciated.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:36 pm

You might also want to check out the LDR post.

Work on not getting so jealous. That would be my first piece of advice.

Play it cool and it is ok to use jealousy tactics.

Lauren

October 25, 2013 at 11:17 am

Hey chris.SO I did do no contact and now he does replay me¨He stopped ignoring me and wants to talk to me.He ask me stuff and etc. So I did use on of the messages from text your ex back.Saying I just found a book and it made me think of you to which he answered nicely saying he is glad that I remembered and that he is missing me.I just wrote a short answer and ended the conversation.Some days later he showed me a drawing he made with a rose and said he would give me that rose if he could.
I guess those are positive responses? What should I do now?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:20 pm

Those are very positive responses. Just keep following what I say in the E-Book or on this page.
Lauren

October 27, 2013 at 12:24 pm

But he keeps saying that he fancys this other girl when someone asks.Is that a very bad sign?When he said that, i was ther too and i just commented ” Aww that’s cute” Cause I didn’t want him to show how bad I felt.Was that wrong?
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:50 pm

Its not great but its not horrible. He is single right now as are you. This is what single people do, admire others.

kimberly

October 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Wow this is an amazing article. But question, lets say the guy is clueless on your willing to make an effort and try again. How would i let him know i wan a relationship not just friendship./

admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:49 am

Well, lets assume you have done the NC Rule already.

You would slolwy get to a place where you can discuss that.

Anonymous

October 23, 2013 at 7:43 pm

I’m having trouble with my boyfriend. We were dating up until a little while ago, and it’s barely two weeks before our first anniversary. We were in a long-distance relationship, and he says it’s become stressful and we’ve been having arguments over the stupidest things..we haven’t been communicating very well either because of the distance and we’re both in school (I’m a freshman in college, and he’s a seniour in high school). He said that the distance has just caused us to become simply friends (we’re best friends, though).

He’s not dating anyone, and I’m not either. It’s just the distance, and little argument things that have been getting to us 🙁

What I’m trying to figure out is how can I come across as being more fun, and making him want me back? Any tips I can try?

I admit I have been questioning him non-stop about WHY he decided for us to break up, and the said reasons are what he said and what I came up with from all the info/evidence I’ve got.

Thanks
~Anonymous

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Maybe you should take a look at the LDR page I set up.
Anonymous

October 28, 2013 at 1:14 am

LDR?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:55 am

Haha Long Distance Relationship.

Anonymous

October 23, 2013 at 4:39 pm

So I’ve read all your articles. I recently finished NC with my ex and texted him basically asking how he’s doing and got a good response. It’s been 6 days since that text. But now I’m starting to rethink everything.

I had all my steps planned out, but now I feel like I should wait until he’s done school in November, and then just ask him straight out if we could catch up or even voice my intentions of wanting to talk about working it out. I know that’s deviating from your steps. But I just feel like sending him a remember the good times text will sound ridiculous and weird.

It was a “mutual” breakup over being long distance, our relationship was pretty close to perfect, if it wasn’t for the distance. The year we were LD we never reLly tried. All we did was text when we could have skyped, called each other and I could have driven to visit him. Once he comes home from school he’ll be away for work again. I feel like things would be better if we got together again. My life was better with him. Yes LD sucks, but not havin him in my life at all is even worse.

I don’t know if I’m over thinking the last few months of us being together or not. But about a month and a half prior to the break up, he came to a wedding with me. He wanted me to meet his dad and brother. He was telling me he missed me, he finally brought me along to meet his friends. Bought me a fairly expensive birthday present. How can things just end so suddenly? He hasn’t tried contacting me during NC or since he replied to my text. Is he a lost cause? Is he really dead set on never doing LD again? When we broke up he wanted things to end on a good note to leave things open, but I don’t want to wait a year for him to be back home for good.

He mentioned not being able to be a proper boyfriend to me since he’s away. Which yeah, I wanted him home. But I never pressured him or tried to make him feel bad about bein away. I’m not very high maintenance, I don’t need him to be here 24/7. I was still happy with him even with us being LD.

I’m back and fourth on whether I should be upfront about my intentions, or continue with the steps either in the next few days, or after he’s home from school. I know you’ll recommend your methods but I just want an honest opinion based on our relationship. It just seems weird for someone to suddenly get a text from an ex after barely any contact and see something like “hey remember that one time during our relationship”, it’s just so random.

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:27 pm

I have found the best approach (personally) is to lead up to an ask out.

I say you should stop rethinking things and give your gameplan a shot.

Though I see your point about the “remember when” type stuff. If you are so worried about that then you can dumb your texts down a lot to make them more general.
Anonymous

October 23, 2013 at 11:53 pm

I just worry I’ll scare him off with an out of nowhere “remember when” text, but then again, I could scare him off with being straight to the point too.

Maybe I’ll try to make my remember when text a little less threatening… Somehow lol.

Could you explain how I would make it more general?
Also, if I can manage to make it general, do you think it would be good to send another one maybe a week or so after, but be a bit more bold with it?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Hahaha well you need to take a chance eventually.

General Text:

“Hey Chris! I was at the store and buying that brand of pizzas you liked and it made me think of you. How have you been?”
Anonymous

October 26, 2013 at 6:30 pm

He isn’t really passionate about anything. He’s not the type to be obsessed with random things. He just either likes it or doesn’t.
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Well, what are some of the things he likes?
Anonymous

October 26, 2013 at 1:32 am

Yeah, I have a couple of memories, I just don’t know how to word most of them.

We first met at this one pub that I now have to drive past all the time. I was thinking of using that memory. I’m not really one for bars, and pretty much the first time I go to one I ended up meeting him, a really great guy.

Another is the trip we went on that was only one night together, and how I wish we could have spent more time there.

I was also thinking, I recently had time to sit and watch a Harry potter marathon, I’m an obsessed HP fan and that’s how he convinced me to go out with him, he watched them all with me. Would it be ok to say something like “I just got done with a HP marathon for the first time in months, I really appreciated that you watched all of them, even though you’re not a die hard fan lol”
It’s kind of mashing up the good memory text, and your appreciation tactic.
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:48 pm

I love Harry Potter too :). I think the last book is my favorite one only because all the characters are so developed by then.

I think only talk to him about something he is passionate about too.
Anonymous

October 24, 2013 at 8:36 pm

That’s how I did my first contact text though.

Maybe I have to be bold with him. We ended on good terms so bold may not be so bad?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:54 am

Well do you have any texts planned out? YOu can run them by me.

JJ

October 23, 2013 at 11:59 am

Hi I was wondering why I didnt get a reply to my post. Did you receive my message?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:16 pm

Did I respond yet? I was sick all yesterday so I may not have gotten around to it.

Anonymous

October 23, 2013 at 8:23 am

Is it a good Idea for me to be on a dating website where my ex might see me?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:05 pm

It depends. It may make your ex jealous but can your ex handle jealousy well?
Anonymous

October 23, 2013 at 11:21 pm

I don’t think he does well with jealousy, we were on a night out after we broke up and I was talking to this guy and the next day he kept bringing it up and I kinda got the feeling that he thought I would go home and sleep with some guy I just met from the conversation we were having, that hurt, it felt like he thought I was a skank, was this just his jealousy?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Hahaha well I more meant will he overreact with it or take it in stride.
Anonymous

October 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm

I don’t think he would overreact like kick of with me, even if he did get jealous he’d probs try and play it cool, like this time I mentioned a guy friend of mine picking me up on a sat night cause he wouldn’t, he said he didn’t care but he brought it up a few times.
admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:55 am

I’d give the jealousy a shot then but you have to do it very carefully.

Etti

October 23, 2013 at 7:17 am

Hi there! We exchanged a bit nearly a month ago…
after nearly 10 years, a house and a dog he left me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, that our love story is over due to lack of communication and he has another.
I suffered like hell, and am still not completely over it (guess it is normal) but inside of me I realized that in order to get going and continue with my life I have to make peace with him (not telling him anything but just inside of me delete all the anger, delusion and suffering)and just say “ok he did it but I am feeling well (all my friends say i look better than ever) and going on with my life.
However, since last friday he is writing to me about the house, about the dog and things we need to discuss. At first I was very angry as he knows how i feel (or should know after he continuously tags himself on facebook with his new gf and my friends tell me about it, disrespects me in any possible way)but then i said, you know what, i should see him. Only 25 days passed of no contact but i feel stronger and thought that seeing him without talking about feelings but just business could help me get over this fear of seeing his face.
What do you think I should do or say to him? Need your advice badly !!

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:06 pm

If you are ready then go for it!

How you should act is relatively simple: Be classy, very pleasant, no pressure, just talk!
Etti

October 25, 2013 at 7:21 am

Hi again:) I met him yesterday, we talked a lot and he admitted he treated me like s*&t and that he made mistakes, during the whole conversation he was holding back his tears and when I asked him why he said he is too emotionally unstable and that he misses me but it is too soon to talk about it (and I am asking myself, you left me, cheated and treated me horribly and now you are unstable emotionally??? ). He said that if he asked me to be together again I wouldn’t want it: my response was: if you want to have a relationship of any kind with me you have to reconquer me first. he said ok and we gave ourselves time. What should i do now? He sent me a text afterwards saying he really enjoyed our conversation and hopes this will be the beginning of us starting anew (whatever this goes). my response: sure but you first have to reconquer me as a person and then as anything else, and I am here:)
what do you think this all means?seems he is sincerely sorry and would like to come back but am not 100% sure. what should i do next? no contact or? thank you so so much!
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:17 pm

Just wait a day before you contact him.

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